CHAPTER SIX
BIG BLACK DICK
"If everyone's not awake, then I'm a faggot.…"
Harry climbed into his bed.
Cracker.
"FUCK!"
"Keep your shit down."
"You two just Apparated on my dick!"
Fred and George body slammed Ron.
"So, tell us everything," said George.
"'Course I will, fucking not," said Harry.
Harry fell asleep.
Mrs. Weasley, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, and George entered the drawing room.
"Take a gun," Mrs. Weasley said. "What the hell's that little slave been doing —"
Hermione threw a look at Mrs. Weasley.
"Kreacher is old as fuck —"
"Kreacher is a lazy piece of shit," said Sirius.
"When I say the word, start shooting immediately," Mrs. Weasley said.
She raised her weapon. "Fire in the hole!"
Harry pumped those pixy fags full of lead.
"We want to experiment with marijuana laced with doxy venom," George told Harry.
Harry sprayed some bullets.
"Stoner Snackboxes are a range of sweets to get you high," George whispered.
"We're running it in the Silk Road," said Fred.
The curtains were damp with blood; dead doxies lay limp.
Mrs. Weasley left the room.
Mundingus was here.
"WE ARE NOT RUNNING A CORNER FOR CRACK COCAINE!"
A house-elf edged into the room.
"This is Kreacher, Harry," said Hermione.
"The Shitblood speaks."
Hermione stomped on Kreacher.
Sirius stepped over Kreacher's unconscious body to where a tapestry hung.
A size chart read:
BIGGEST BLACKEST DICK
"PAS HOMOSEXUEL"
"You're number one!" said Harry.
"I'm about six inches," said Sirius, "off the ground!"
Sirius jabbed a finger at the name REGULUS BLACK.
"He was bigger than me," said Sirius, "as I was constantly teased."
"But he ded," said Harry.
"Fucking idjit … he joined the Dick Eaters."
"You're yanking my cock!"
"There's Pig Benis … my great-great-grandfather."
"Draco Malfoy's last!"
"The pure-blood families are all incest," said Sirius.
"Dumbledore came last night, and had not asked to see your lame ass," said Mr. Weasley.
Dumbledore was a bastid.
