Author's Note:
Hello everyone! Thank you all so much for reading and thank you for leaving your thoughts. I love reading them. Everyone wants to murder Jessica. She will be back in a bit. She can't just disappear. The story has to be somewhat realistic, right?
Again, this chapter will deal with some medical stuff that I briefly read on a few different websites. I don't know much about head injuries. Just go with it-it's a work of fiction! Seriously though, I tried to make it as realistic as possible. On a side note I will say one thing, I was in a bad car accident almost two and a half years ago. A woman hit my car texting and driving and going 60 mph in a 30mph. I remember pulling over to the side of the road trying to get out of her way and I remember after the impact but I have no memory of the actual collision. I was told by multiple doctors that the brain will block painful or bad things from it. I kind of based some of Bella's experiences on that notion.
Okay-enough of my note. I hope you enjoy this chapter and can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Thanks again for reading, commenting and dming. I really really enjoy reading and responding to you all!
-Lisa
PS- It will probably be at least a week until I update. I will be away.
PPS- Rated MA for mature language.
Chapter Five
Edward reached over and held Bella's hand. She hadn't said a word since leaving the doctor's office. He drove slowly and cautiously. At the red light he looked at his wife and wanted to cry. His heart was broken in two. He brought his hand to her wet cheek. She looked away. She found it hard to even converse with her husband. It killed Edward that Bella felt like she was failing him. She wasn't. These things happen and there was no easy way to fix the situation.
When the light had changed color, Edward out both hands on the wheel again and drove. He hated what was happening in their lives right now. The most upsetting thing was the doctor offered no reason but ordered tests. The doctor's only explanation was "sometimes things like this happen and we don't know why." It wasn't enough for him. It wasn't enough to mend Bella's broken heart. They were supposed to receive happy news from the doctor. He was going to tell them the sex of their baby. They had made post appointment plans to walk around Babies R Us and then head to lunch.
After hearing the news of Bella's fourth miscarriage in three years, Edward made the somber ride back to their home. He hated what this did to his wife. He hated that she blamed herself when it wasn't her fault. She followed the rules and took care of herself. She listened to the doctor and read every book imaginable on being pregnant. She took the vitamins and stayed away from any kind of medications. It didn't seem to matter. Their dreams were squashed yet again. What hurt more than the little life the created was loss, was his Bella feeling and acting so lost.
As he pulled into their driveway, Edward sighed. He parked the car but had no intention of getting out. He looked at Bella. She hadn't moved since she turned her head at the red light. Her big chocolate eyes were watery but vacant. He didn't think she'd get through the last miscarriage without professional help and now he was worried about her even more.
"Bella? Honey?" Edward called out as he reached for her hand.
Still remaining silent, Bella took her hand away.
"Please say something to me sweetheart. I need to hear your voice. What are you thinking about?" Edward pleaded as he played with the end of her hair.
Finally, Bella turned her head. She wiped her tears with the sleeves of her shirt. "What am I thinking? Are you really going to ask me that?"
"Well, you're not talking, and I think we need to talk about this. I'm worried about you Bells. I really am," Edward expressed.
Bella shook her head as she put her hands to her face. "Talk about it? Talk about? Are fucking kidding me Edward? Talk about?" Bella paused as she removed her hands from her face. "Fine, lets fucking talk about how incompetent I am. We have made four babies Edward, four and not one of them grew in me. They all died, and it was my fault."
"No, no it isn't your fault. You heard the doctor-"
"Sometimes these things just happen and there is no reason or explanation. You shouldn't get discouraged thought," Bella mocked the doctor's response. "Screw the doctor. It's clear Edward, I cannot have children. I wasn't meant to have them. I don't know what I did to piss off the universe but being parents isn't in the cards for us and I'm angry and sad as hell about it. Everyone around us is having babies. Vicky and James just had their first. Oh, and do you remember reading in the paper that Riley and Bree had their second? I'm sure Emmett and Rose will start having them now they are married." Bella stopped and took a breath before breaking down again. "We are never going to have a baby Edward and it kills me. It kills me that I can't give you a child."
Edward shook his head as he reached for his wife. "Shhhh, calm down honey. It's all right. I hate seeing you like this."
"Aren't you pissed? Don't you want to scream and yell about this? Doesn't it infuriate you?" Bella paused. When Edward didn't respond to her questions, she hiccuped a breath. "You want to leave me, don't you?"
Shocked, Edward looked at Bella. "What are you talking about?"
"I can't give you a family, I can't give you a baby and you want to leave me," Bella cried.
"Bella, no-" Edward began but Bella interrupted.
"I'm sure you and Jess would make beautiful children and you know here all ready and god knows she likes you so there's that."
"Honey you are being ridiculous. I don't want to be with anyone but you," Edward once again began to tell his wife but she interrupted. He cringed at the idea of being with Jessica.
Bella began to hysterically cry again. "You don't want to be with me because I can't have children." Bella sobbed. She continued before Edward had the chance to interrupt her. "I don't blame you really. You should be with someone who can give you a family. You've always wanted kids. Do you remember we used to talk about it in school? You'd be an incredible father and I shouldn't stop you from having that experience."
"Bella-" Edward tried to interfere.
A sad smile appeared on Bella's face. "Do you remember you said you didn't care what we had? If it was a boy you would teach him how to throw a ball and play football? If it was a girl you would teach her to throw too but you wouldn't even talk to her about boys until she was twenty-nine? You said you'd love a boy, but you also wouldn't mind a little princess?" Bella sniffled. "I'm so sorry Edward that I can't give you that little league player or a pretty princess. I'm so sorry."
Edward reached across and pulled Bella into him as closely as he could. He held her as she sobbed into his shoulder. He balled along with her. It hurt him badly to know there was nothing else he could do for his wife. When her cries were finally lowered, Edward held her head in his hands. He kissed her mouth gently. His nose touched hers. When she looked up at him with wet eyes, he finally spoke. "Isabella, calm down baby. I hate seeing you like this. I'm never leaving you, never. There is no one else for me, just you, Shhhh," he said trying to sooth her. "Bella, we don't know if you can't have children for certain."
"Well it doesn't sound like we can, does it?" She cried. "It feels like I can't!"
"We don't know that. We need to wait for the doctor to get the test results. We are family Bella. You and I are our own family. I love you and I cannot imagine a world that you aren't part of. We will have a baby. We will have children."
"But,-"Bella tried to speak.
"But nothing. We will have children. We could get a surrogate."
Bella shook her head. "No! She would have a bond with our child I could never understand and be part of. No way. What would happen if she didn't want to give the baby up then? We'd be heartbroken."
Edward nodded his head. He didn't agree with Bella however this wasn't the time to discuss logic with her. "We could always adopt." He and Bella had talked about the possibility of adoption one day.
"Are you kidding me? That's worse than a surrogate! No way." Bella said before she broke down in tears again. "All I want to do is love my husband. I want my husband and I to create a baby out of our love and I can't even manage to do that right. I feel like such a failure. I feel like my body is betraying me in the worse possible way. I feel like I am less of a wife, less of a woman because of it."
Beginning to cry again, Edward held his wife once more. He took her face in his hands again. "Look at me, please? Listen to me? We don't have to talk about this anymore right now. We don't have to figure this out right now. Do you remember on our wedding day we took vows for better or for worse? Do you remember when I said I would love you forever? I'm not going back on that. We will figure this out, but right now my priority is you. I need to take care of you. I'm calling out of work for the rest of the week."
"You can't do that. Edward, it's Monday morning at eleven thirty. You can't take time off. You have that big case coming up." Bella began to tell him.
"It doesn't matter. Alice has been helping me with the case. She can take it over and she will understand that my job right now is to take care of you. I have to be there for you. I need to be here for you. I love you and I will always be here for you, for forever. I'm not breaking my vow."
Edward ran his hand through his hair. He took a deep breath before standing up. He shook his head and brought his fist to the wall and hit it. "Fuck!"
"Edward!" Carlisle shouted at him. "You must calm down."
Edward looked at his father with widened eyes. "Did you really just tell me to calm down? How the hell can you say that? My wife who has been in a coma for over five weeks wakes up, which I am grateful for. God I am so grateful for this I can't even express or put into words. She's healthy and is going to make a full recovery both mentally and physically. You said there is no lasting brain damage and after a little physical therapy she will be fine. She has been receiving some while she has been here.
"But then she wakes up, she looks at me with these eyes I've been longing to see. I start crying because I am so god damn happy. My wife is awake, and she is back. She speaks to me in the kindest sweetest voice I have ever heard and missed so much. She then mistakes me for a doctor. A doctor dad. She has no fucking clue who the hell I am dad. She mumbled that she didn't understand why her doctor was crying. I tried to explain it to her but doesn't have a clue and she doesn't want me. She asked me to give her space for now. My whole reason for existing doesn't know who the hell I am, and you are asking me to calm the hell dawn? I can't calm the hell down! I'm angry as hell and upset."
"Edward I know this is hard for you-" Carlisle began before Edward interrupted him.
"You're right this fucking hard! And you have no clue how this is. You can go home to mom and have memories of each other and discuss everything. She knows who you are dad. You both remember things. Bella doesn't know who the hell I am!"
"Stop with the language right now!" Carlisle scolded his son. "Look, I know you are heartbroken Edward. I am too. She's like a daughter to me and I wish there was something more I could do; however, this isn't overly uncommon." Carlisle began to think of a way to explain what was going on without using confusing medical terms. "She's confused Edward. Her brain is recovering from a dramatic experience. It is going to take her a little while."
"Oh my god," Edward said out loud. "Dad, if she doesn't know who I am then she doesn't know about Seth or anyone else. She doesn't know how much she wanted him and how much she sacrificed for him."
"We don't know that. Sometimes the brain works in a way that it blocks out certain subjects or thoughts or people. There is no explanation sometimes. Sometimes it is recovered, however sometimes it isn't. There is no way of knowing which it is going to be for Bella. Once she is up for it, we will run tests. I am on top of this Edward. I promise you." Carlisle paused to take a breath before he continued. "I did call Charlie and Jasper. They should be here shortly."
Now that Edward felt he was calming down, he took a breath and looked at his father. "Did you tell them about the memory loss?"
Shaking his head, Carlisle simply answer. "Yes,"
Edward nodded and looked around his father's office. He didn't know what he should do. "What can I do for her now? I'll do anything for her."
"Unfortunately, not a whole lot. You need to be patient with her. Getting her memory back may happen in a short period of time, it might be longer, or it might never happen. You have to take that into perspective."
Nodding, Edward looked away from his father and began to cry. He couldn't bear the thought of his wife not knowing who he was or his son. Carlisle took the time to wrap his arms around his son and let him cry.
"Dad, I love her so much. I want her to remember. I want her to know how much I love her."
Carlisle took a deep breath. He hated to relay news of uncertainty to any of his patients but having this case hit home, he hated having to experience this with his own immediate family. "I know you do son. Just please give this time and let it work itself help. I'm doing my best from my stand point, but this is going to be along ride. I'm contacting all the best specialists that I know. I have even contacted colleagues of colleagues at Harvard, John Hopkins and Northwestern. There are people all over this country trying to help us Edward."
Edward nodded as he let go of his father. He wiped his eyes and looked up at him. "Can I see her still?"
"She hasn't requested no visitors. It might be a good thing. I myself haven't seen her yet but I plan to soon. She's third in line. I have seen one patient all ready and I have another patient a head of her but then I'm giving her my undivided attention. Do you want me to go with you to see her?"
Shaking his head Edward looked at his father. "No, I want to do this on my own."
The walk from Carlisle's office to Bella's room was short in distance but seemed miles in length. Once standing in front of the door, Edward knocked.
"Come in," he faintly heard Bella call from her bed.
Edward slowly walked in. He sat in the chair farthest away from her bed.
"Hi," she spoke shyly and unsure of herself.
"Hi," Edward replied quietly.
The room was silent at first. Neither said a word. A pin could have heard dropping to the floor if there had been one. Both Bella and Edward just looked at each other with emotions. Bella nodded and then looked at Edward again. She began to speak. "So, we're married right?"
Edward nodded his head as he moved the chair closer. "Yes we are. You are wearing your wedding ring, see?" Edward pointed to her ring finger on her left hand. A simple platinum band sat on it. When she was in her last few weeks of pregnancy with Seth, she swelled. She had to take off her engagement ring. Her wedding band fit fine but not her engagement ring. After Seth was born and they were home, she didn't put it back on in fear that she would scratch him with it.
Looking down at her hand, Bella began to play with her ring. She was quiet for a moment before she began to ask questions. "How long have we been married for?"
"Six years. We married on August tenth. You wore such a gorgeous gown. You looked like a beautiful angel. You were twenty-three and I was twenty-four. You are twenty nine as of September and I turned thirty in June. You love to tease me about being an older man."
Bella smiled bashfully. "We've really been married for six years?"
"Yes, but we've been together much longer than that. We've been dating officially since high school. You were fourteen and I was fifteen. We danced to 'I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You' after I asked you to be my girlfriend. Before that you moved to the tiny town we used to live in, called Forks. You were six and I feel in love with you right then. Your hair was in pigtails. The very first day I met you I noticed your freckle right there," Edward explained as he pointed to the circle that she loathed so much. "I knew when you went back to my house to hear some song I made up on the piano we were destined for a life of togetherness."
Bella looked amazed yet sad. "Wow, we have been together for a long time."
Edward nodded with a smile. "We have been but, there is no one else out in there who I would want to spend my time with. We broke up when we graduated high school and went to schools on different coasts. It worked until December. We decided right before Christmas we couldn't be apart anymore and he haven't been apart since then."
Bella nodded as she soaked up the words Edward was telling her. He seemed caring and loving how a husband should be, or at least how she thought she remembered a husband should be. "So how did I get here? Where is here and how long have I been here?"
"Well," Edward said now sitting on the edge of the bed. "We're in Seattle Washington. We live here now. We have since we were in college." He stopped to try and formulate his thoughts. "Your car was hit by a truck over five weeks ago."
"Five weeks? I've been here for five week?" Bella asked up set.
"Yes."
Bella looked at the machines that she was attached to and felt the oxygen tube in her nose. She looked at the IV fluids going into her skin. She suddenly felt afraid. "Will I be okay?"
Looking into Bella's eyes, Edward was honest with his wife. "Well, Carlisle says you are healthy despite everything you have been through. You have had physical therapy while you have been here. A therapist has been in moving your legs and arms. Your brain is pretty strong as are the organs in your body. None of them went into failure or anything like that. He says you are healthy." Edward paused to deliver the most difficult part of their reality. Tears escaped his eyes as he held Bella's hand. "He-he-he doesn't know when or if you will regain your memory."
Bella absorbed what Edward was telling her. She was afraid. She was afraid she would never regain a sense of her old self. She couldn't recall things like the dates Edward had mentioned or member of her family or even a friend's name. She had no idea what year it was let alone the day of the week. After absorbing the information, she spoke again. "Who is this Dr. Carlisle? Is he any good and if he is why do people believe he is that good? Should I get a second opinion?"
A half smile appeared on Edward's face. "He's the head of this hospital. He had left several years ago and ran a smaller hospital in Forks actually. He moved there to raise his sons with his wife. When they went to college the hospital begged him to come back, which he did." Edward paused before he continued. "He has won many awards at state and national levels. His bed side manor and temperate are some reasons why he is so good. He's a very compassionate man and he is amazing at what he does. He treats every patient and their families like they are his family. Speaking of family, he probably shouldn't be treating you and I'm sure there are rules against it but he doesn't care."
Stumped Bella asked Edward, "why is it against the rules to treat me? Do we not have insurance?"
"It's nothing like that. Carlisle is my father Bella," Edward told her.
She paused and thought for a moment before she questioned Edward. "My doctor is my father-in-law?"
Laughing, Edward nodded his head. "Yes."
Bella sighed as she placed her head in her hands. She peeked from behind them and looked at Edward. Tears were threatening to escape from her eyes. She was overwhelmed and scared. Nothing made sense to her. She had a husband and a father-in-law. She didn't know what to think. Bella thought she had more family but then doubted herself. How could she really know? She wasn't too sure of anything. A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in."
Quickly, Charlie and Jasper rushed into the room. They both were overwhelmed with emotion. They both sighed with relief when they saw Bella sitting up and awake. Edward stood back so they could spend time with her. No one spoke at first. Emotion made it too hard to think straight.
Before Charlie or Jasper said a word, Bella looked at them both. With tears escaping from her eyes, she swallowed and whispered. "Daddy? Jasper?"
