After the competition, Clarke dropped Lexa off at her dorm and went back home, still feeling the warmth that had spread through her entire body when they shared an embrace that lasted longer than friendship hugs usually did, at least that's what Clarke had thought.
She was glad that Lexa had initiated the contact, and she was even happier that Lexa hadn't backed away from her offer, instead had accepted the second embrace as well.
Now Clarke was sitting on her couch, mindlessly zapping through the TV channels but nothing peaked her interest. Or maybe she was just too distracted by the thought of Lexa and her twinkling eyes when she won the competition. The blonde sighed and unlocked her phone, her thumb hovering over the screen until she typed in a message.
Clarke (9:03pm): Hey sunshine :) Just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you! You kicked some ass out there! ;) x
The reply came almost instantly.
Lexa (9:04pm): That's not what I did. It's a sport.
Clarke (9:05pm): I just meant that I really enjoyed it and you were fantastic :) how's your evening going?
She waited for a moment until she saw the three dots that indicated that Lexa was typing, but after a while, they disappeared. Clarke's smile faded a little. Had she said something wrong? The dots appeared again, and Clarke felt a hint of relief, until Lexa stopped typing once again. A few minutes passed until the blonde finally received a reply.
Lexa (9:13pm): That's a complicated question.
Clarke frowned. That's not what she had expected. She knew that Lexa always carefully considered her words, but she usually said what she wanted to say.
Clarke (9:15pm): Did something happen?
Lexa (9:16pm): I had a fight with my roommate.
The blonde sighed. She still hadn't brought up the roommate issue and she wasn't sure if now was the right time, but she couldn't let Lexa suffer alone, especially because she didn't know what had happened or how bad it had been, or still was.
Clarke (9:18pm): Do you want me to come over? x
Lexa (9:18pm): Can we meet somewhere else?
They agreed on meeting at Clarke's place and the blonde was barely able to finish storing her art supplies away and throwing her laundry into the bathtub in a miserable attempt to make her apartment somewhat presentable, before Lexa knocked on her door. It was so soft and quiet that Clarke almost missed it. Almost.
She hurried to the door and quickly opened it with a wide smile, which instantly disappeared when she saw Lexa. The brunette was fiddling with the hem of her oversized black hoodie and had her head lowered, her gaze directed to her shoes. Clarke's shoulders dropped and she ducked her head to see Lexa's face. When their eyes met, Clarke's heart broke. The girl's eyes were red and swollen, she obviously had been crying.
"Hey…" Clarke said softly and held out her hand, patiently waiting for Lexa to take it, which she did. Clarke gently led her inside and towards her couch. She quickly made her way to the kitchen to get the hot chocolate she had prepared for Lexa and went back. The brunette relaxed a bit when Clarke handed her the mug and she carefully took a small sip while Clarke sat down next to her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" The blonde asked quietly, not wanting to push the girl. Lexa bit her lower lip but then shook her head, stopped, and then hesitantly nodded, and then shook her head again. Clarke would have smiled at Lexa's adorableness, but it hurt to see Lexa like this. She waited for a moment and then took the girl's hand, her thumb gently stroking over soft skin.
"I…" Lexa began but paused, looked at Clarke and then quickly lowered her gaze to the blonde's thumb that was still caressing the back of her hand in comforting patterns.
"I know that I'm not like others. I mean, I'm… I'm different, in a bad way, and I know that people don't like me," she started again and Clarke felt her chest clench at the words but she remained silent, not wanting to interrupt Lexa when she actually, finally, opened up a bit.
"I was five when the doctors– when I was diagnosed with a form of autism. It's– that's why I'm so weird, that's why I get upset about the smallest things, and I need my routines and I… people always think I'm a freak and it's okay and I learned to accept it because that's what I am." Lexa explained quietly and Clarke listened to her but had a hard time fighting the tears that threatened to come up. The way Lexa spoke about herself made her angry, the thought of Lexa seeing herself as a freak broke her heart.
"I'm not good with social interactions, I often don't pick up on jokes and I know that. It's not easy for me to talk to people, and it's fine because most of them leave me alone but my roommate… she always bugs me and disturbs my routines and she just… she just doesn't leave me alone."
"Does she know?" Clarke asked softly and Lexa shook her head.
"No… I don't want to– I can't tell her. I can't talk to her."
Clarke nodded. She waited for Lexa to say something else but when the girl remained silent, Clarke took a deep breath and gently cupped the brunette's cheek, causing her to look at her.
"Lexa." Clarke started and took a second to make sure that she had Lexa's full attention. "You're a wonderful person. You're smart and you're beautiful and you're so, so kind. And you're not a freak." Clarke said calmly. Lexa opened her mouth, ready to protest, but Clarke quickly continued, "you're not a freak. You're wonderful the way you are, and it hurts that you don't see it. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Clarke paused to gently wipe a warm tear away with her thumb, "You're okay just the way you are. Hell, you're great the way you are! I don't know why anyone would not appreciate you, let alone treat you any less than you deserve. God, Lexa…" the blonde stopped to suck in a shaky breath, still fighting her own tears. She knew if she spoke again, she wouldn't be able to hold them in, so instead she tucked a loose strand behind Lexa's ear.
A moment passed before Lexa spoke. "That's nice of you to say, Clarke, but it's not true. People are right when they say I'm weird, because that's what I–"
"Lexa." Clarke interrupted her. "Screw them. Screw everyone who thinks poorly of you, they can go to hell."
"But they are–"
"They are wrong." Clarke interrupted her again, feeling anger boil up inside of her. She didn't know what to do, or how to make Lexa understand that she was perfect the way she was. She didn't know how to tell her… what she thought, so instead she opened her arms and motioned for Lexa to accept the hug, which the brunette gladly did. They remained silent for a long while, and Clarke calmed down when she felt Lexa more and more relax into the embrace.
Clarke didn't know how long they stayed like this, Lexa curled up into her side, and Clarke absentmindedly drawing random patterns on the brunette's arm, until Lexa shifted a little and spoke.
"Can I–" she started but stopped. The blonde lowered her head to look at her and waited for a moment, then gently nudged her. "Hm?"
"No, it's stupid. Forget it."
Clarke let out a soft huff. "Lexa… what did you want to ask?"
"I just… could I stay here tonight?"
