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Clarke paused in the middle of the brush stroke when she heard her laptop announcing an incoming Skype call behind her. She quickly put down the paintbrush, carelessly wiped her paint stained hands on her ripped skinny jeans and answered the call.

"Lexa, hey!"

Her smile quickly faded when the video loaded and she saw Lexa, disappearing in her oversized black hoodie, staring at her laptop's keyboard. Clarke waited for a moment for Lexa to answer, searching the brunette's face for hints of what she was thinking. "Lex, what's wrong?"

The girl cleared her throat before answering in a quiet voice, but Clarke heard her loud and clear. "My mother died."

"Oh God… Lexa, I'm…" Clarke paused, feeling tears sting in her eyes, "I'm so sorry."

Lexa quickly shook her head. "No, it's okay… or not?" It was more of a question. "Actually, I don't know. I'm confused, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel."

"You're not supposed to feel something particular, there's no… manual guide for these situations, if you know what I mean." Clarke tried to reassure her girl but she couldn't help but feel incredibly helpless. She saw Lexa squeeze her eyes shut a few times before the brunette spoke.

"Aren't I supposed to be sad? I mean it's… she… I…"

Clarke sighed softly. "You know, when my dad died," she started and was well aware of the shock in Lexa's eyes. She hadn't told her a lot about her family, and she had always left out her father on purpose. "We were so close, he was my hero," she smiled as she looked away from the camera and her eyes found the photo of her dad on her nightstand, "I was seventeen and I'd just had a bad fight with my mom, so I was impatiently awaiting his arrival from work so that we could go on one of these long walks I used to have with him…" Clarke faded out, fighting back her tears at the memory of this day, "but he wouldn't come home."

She glanced at the screen where Lexa was looking back at her, right into the camera, and the softness in the girl's eyes made Clarke's heart pound even harder in her chest, and she was afraid it would explode any time soon. Both, from her own pain but also from the love she had for Lexa. After slowly releasing a shaky breath, she continued.

"We got a call from the hospital at 8:32pm, they said his car was hit by a truck and he was unconscious… my mom ignored the speed limit and it's a miracle we made it to the hospital alive ourselves. When we…" she paused again to wipe away some stray tears that had escaped her eyes, "when we arrived, the doctors told us that he had passed away only minutes before. There was no chance for us to say Goodbye. He knew that we were coming though, I know that he knew. Even if he wasn't awake, but I know that he died knowing that we were on our way."

Clarke stopped again to check on Lexa who was now slightly rocking back and forth, so subtly that Clarke almost missed it. Almost. She took a moment to collect herself, knowing that Lexa was still waiting for an advice or a reassurance, and continued.

"I didn't cry. Not when I saw him in the hospital bed, his face covered with bruises and tubes attached to his whole body. I didn't cry when the doctor switched off the monitor that only showed a thin line, I didn't cry when we got home and my mom broke down next to me. I didn't cry the entire night while I held her. I didn't cry for weeks. Hang on," Clarke said and quickly got up to close the door, just in case Abby was somewhere near her room.

She didn't want her mother to know about her feelings. After her father's death, she and her mom had developed a relationship that lacked of closeness and emotions, she hadn't talked to her mom about her thoughts or feelings ever since, and she wanted to keep it that way.

"Sorry 'bout that," she apologized as she sat back down on her bed and pulled her computer onto her lap. "Well, what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to cry now, no one expects you to know exactly what to feel. Sometimes it just takes time, sometimes you just have to figure out what things like this mean to you, and you have to find your own way of dealing with them. If you don't feel sad, or if you don't know what to feel at all right now, that's totally okay. It's human." Clarke finished her monologue with a small smile, not sure whether Lexa knew what the smile meant, but she was too weak to explain.

They stayed in silence for a long while, both lost in their own thoughts, until Clarke heard Lexa's soft voice again. "Thank you."

She sounded calm, more or less, but at the same time so vulnerable, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to climb through her screen and pull her girl into her arms, and never let her go. She wished she could take some of Lexa's confusion and pain away, she wished she could be there, ready to give Lexa the support she needed, mentally and physically.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked softly, feeling a pang in her chest when Lexa's eyes dropped to her fingers that were fiddling with something, as Clarke guessed, while shaking her head.

"You know that I'm here for you, right? Whatever it is, whatever you need, sunshine. If you want me to drive all the way just for a hug, I'll do that." Clarke said and smiled reassuringly when Lexa's eyes shot up to look at Clarke's video on her own screen.

She opened her mouth but when nothing came out, she closed it. After a few seconds, she tried again, but unsuccessfully, while Clarke had a hard time stopping her lips from forming a huge smile about the other girl who almost looked like a fish, moving her mouth like this. For another long moment, they stayed silent; Lexa sorting her thoughts, and Clarke giving her the time she needed, until Lexa nodded.

Their silence was ungently interrupted when there was a knock on Clarke's door. The blonde jumped slightly and rolled her eyes when she heard her mother's voice outside.

"Clarke?"

"What?"

"Can I come in?"

"Why?" She mentally scolded herself for being such a grumpy bitch towards her mother, but she wasn't ready for her mother to see her like this, in such an emotional state.

"I have to leave for work now, can I just come in for a second?" She heard Abby pleading outside.

"Honey?"

"No," Clarke shouted back, "I'll see you in the morning."

There was a long silence and Clarke could only guess her mother's expression, how her face probably fell and her shoulders slouched in defeat, accepting her daughter's behavior. There was a soft thump against her door, hardly audible, and Clarke knew Abby had laid her hand on the wood, trying to be as close to her daughter as she could, before the clicking of her heels indicated that the older woman was leaving. A few seconds later, Clarke heard the soft shut of the front door, and she closed her eyes.

"Sorry 'bout that, again." Clarke said, trying to form a proper smile, and was surprised about Lexa's reaction. The brunette furrowed her brows and slightly tilted her head to the side.

"You're not smiling."

"Huh?" Clarke asked, dumbfounded.

"That's not your smile," Lexa explained, "you're not smiling. It's not real."

Clarke shook her head. "No, it's not. It's not your fault though. It's my mom, we don't get along anymore."

Lexa nodded but didn't say anything, and Clarke was thankful. There was nothing that she wanted to hear, and there was nothing she wanted to say about this topic. Suddenly, Lexa's face lit up and Clarke couldn't help but let out a relieved laughter.

"What's got you all smiley, sunshine?"

Straightening her back, Lexa took a deep breath in preparation for her reply. "So there's this documentary I watched the other day…"