The next two days went by in a blur for Clarke, hours passing by, time moving painfully slow. The conversation with Lexa had dragged the blonde into a dark state; She had mostly stayed in bed, only getting up for dinner or breakfast with her mother, which she had endured without talking much, most of the time she remained silent and let Abby do the talking.

Every once in a while, she assured her that college went well, that she loved it, that she was happy with it, while deep inside, a storm was raging, filling her body and mind with annoyance and disgust. She'd known for a while now that she hated college, mostly because of the classes she took, none of them something for Clarke to look forward to, or even get up for, except for her art classes.

If it hadn't been for Lexa, she would have quit college months ago. She knew it didn't make her happy, she knew it wasn't the right thing for her. She knew she should completely focus on her art, she wanted to be an artist, and nothing else, but she also knew she wasn't strong enough to make that step. Leaving college was a huge milestone she had yet to reach, and she took her time reaching it. But it would come, sooner or later.

For her mom though, she acted like a typical college student who would get annoyed about classes from time to time, but she kept her aversion buried inside. She knew that the already crumbling relationship she had with her mother would completely break apart if she quit college now.

Clarke was glad that Abby still worked more shifts. After her father died, her mom had started to drown her pain, numb herself through work, taking every shift she could get, and slowly but surely, the distance between them, mentally and geographically, had become unfixable.

Her mother's obsession with work came in handy in times like this one, because Clarke could stay in bed as long as she wanted, curled up into a fetus position, thick curtains keeping any daylight out.

Of course, she had texted and skyped with Lexa, she missed the girl dearly, and she wanted nothing more than to climb into her old Ford Fiesta and drive all the way and melt into her girl's arms. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep next to Lexa, dozing off to her calm breathing and the scent that was just so lexa. She wanted nothing more than to wake up and softly brush some stray hair out of the girl's face.

But that would have to wait, because Lexa was with her family, and Clarke didn't want to intrude, and she also knew that she had to take a few days off and get herself back together, and she had to do it alone.

It was on the third day, on Sunday, when Clarke felt strong enough to get up, take a long refreshing shower and have a proper meal. She would see Lexa the next day, and she needed to pull herself out of this abyss before it would embrace her completely, no matter how hard that was.

With her new found energy, she packed her bag in the afternoon, quickly scribbled a note for her mom to let her know she'd be back for Christmas, before she plopped into the driver's seat of her car, started the engine and without looking back, drove back home.

Clarke awoke before her alarm clock and was quicker than usual getting ready for the day. She checked her watch, more than half an hour left before her first class started, so she pocketed her phone, slung her bag over one shoulder, grabbed her keys and hurried out.

Biting her lip, she shifted her weight nervously but after a moment, she released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and softly knocked on the wooden door in front of her. When it swung open, Clarke couldn't help the small smile that played around her lips as she stepped forward.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked, visibly confused about what Clarke was doing there so early in the morning.

They had agreed on meeting at the lecture hall five minutes before class started, so obviously, she was in no way prepared for Clarke randomly showing up at her room.

If it had been in any other situation, Clarke would probably have felt incredibly sorry for disturbing the girl's morning routine, but she just had to hug her girl, and this desire only intensified when Lexa opened the door, her long hair up in a messy bun, wearing one of her slightly oversized hoodies and dark grey ripped skinny jeans, toothbrush in her hand. Clarke's heart felt like it would explode from love anytime now. Love just from looking at the girl in front of her. She wasn't even sure when she had started using the L word, but it felt just right.

"Clarke?" Lexa pulled her out of her thoughts, worry evident in her eyes, and her voice.

Instead of answering, Clarke just nodded while taking another step towards the brunette, before pulling her into a tight hug.

She didn't know how long they'd been standing there, her arms wrapped around Lexa's waist while the other girl had gently laid her left arm around the back of Clarke's neck, her thumb caressing the exposed skin of Clarke's shoulder.

Lexa softly cleared her throat. "Clarke, I… I have to get ready now."

Clarke just nodded but instead of letting her go, she buried her nose into the crook of Lexa's neck and closed her eyes, releasing a single tear.

"Clarke, I'll be late. And you'll be late, too…" Lexa paused and Clarke tried to gather the strength to release the girl and let her do the things she needed to do, but she just couldn't bring herself to give up the physical contact yet. Lexa waited for another minute until she spoke again.

"Clarke, please. I love you, but I really have to get ready. Please?"

Clarke froze. She was sure that Lexa was aware of her choice of words, but maybe not of the weight they carried. Before she could stop it, a heavy sob shook her body and in a split second, Lexa had untangled herself from Clarke's grip to look at the blonde. Clarke opened her eyes and sent Lexa a weak smile but let out a shaky laugh a second later when she realized that Lexa knew exactly when her smile was real and when it wasn't.

When Clarke looked at her again a few seconds later, Lexa was sporting a deep frown, but the blonde didn't ask. She knew she didn't have to because the other girl would explain herself, and she was right. It took Lexa another moment to sort her thoughts, before she leaned in and left a soft kiss on Clarke's lips that tasted of mint and lexa.

"What was that for?"

Lexa's eyes dropped to Clarke's necklace while her hands started fiddling with the stick of her toothbrush. "I don't want to see you sad," she admitted, "I really don't like when you cry. I don't know what to do when that happens, I just know that I want to make you happy again but I… I just…"

"Hey," Clarke interrupted Lexa's helpless rambling and softly captured the brunette's chin with her thumb and her index finger, "you make me happier than you realize, Lex."

She let out another shaky laugh and wiped away some warm tears from her cheek with her right hand. "God, you have no idea how happy you make me. Don't worry, I'm okay again. I just…" her lips formed a small but genuine smile now and she saw how Lexa immediately relaxed a little, "I guess I just really needed this hug."

Lexa took a moment to process this, and then nodded. "Okay."

Clarke's smile widened. "Okay." She leaned in and left a soft kiss on Lexa's cheek.

"Claaarke!" Lexa whined and quickly took a step backwards before Clarke could pull her into another hug. "I'm getting ready now!"

The blonde laughed and raised her hands to indicate that Lexa wouldn't have to worry about another distraction.

"I'll just wait here, okay? Take your time."

Lexa nodded and turned around, ready to close the door into Clarke's face, which the blonde found incredibly adorable because she knew that Lexa probably hadn't thought about just asking Clarke inside. Before the door closed, she quickly spoke up.

"Oh and Lex?"

The brunette stopped and pulled the door open again, ready to protest and tell Clarke how she really had no time anymore right now because she had to get ready, but before she could even open her mouth, Clarke had already interrupted her.

"Good morning, sunshine." She said with a smile and the smile Lexa gave her in return made her whole world okay again.