Chapter Twenty

"I'm planning on making an alchemical serum that further enhances the user's physical abilities… But only temporarily. One that confers new powers… Again, temporarily… One that awakens latent powers inside a drinker… But I need some help putting them together… It's a bit intuitive for me, but I can't just use water. I'd need to at least transmute the water into something more conducive toward Alchemical magic… I would assume…" Nightwing said. Raven nodded.

"I've done some Alchemy in the past… Before I joined the Teen Titans, I lived on my own for a while. I trained myself in Alchemy a little bit. I think I can pass on what I know to you. I'm not sure if it will work the same for you as it did for me." Raven said, walking over to Nightwing and resting her forehead on his, passing telepathic information to him. She was rarely willing to be this intimate with anyone, sharing her mind with them. Nightwing was a notable exception.

Kissing him, she passed the information to him telepathically. It wasn't the kiss itself. That passed information. It was that when people were involved in an intimate situation, especially romantic in nature, their minds were most open. Nightwing smiled at Raven.

"Thank you… I think I have enough information to get started on my own now… With alchemy." He specified.

He cut himself and a strange, greyish-blue liquid came out. It was red when it first came out, but turned greyish-blue as it poured into the vial and steamed slightly as he muttered some words over it and handed it to Raven. She raised an eyebrow at him, taking the vial from him.

"If you could do me a favor and test this for me. I promise the worst that happens is it does nothing."

"If it works, what will it do?"

"It will make you grow bunny ears." Dick said with a laugh.

"You're joking, right?" Raven asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. You'll know if it works. This particular serum will turn your skin red. It should only last about ten minutes if I've done it right. If not, and the effect lasts longer, I can reverse it. Skin color is pretty easy to change with Biological Manipulation." Nightwing said.

Raven noded and downed the liquid in a single gulp and looked at her hand. Two seconds… Five… Seven… Fifteen… Twenty… Thirty… Slowly then, her skin began to take on a reddish hue, which spread over her, and finally covered her entire body. Raven smiled at Nightwing.

"You did it. Why you did, I don't know… Red skin has no real practical purpose. But I guess it proves you can, right?" She asked. Dick nodded.

"Yeah… That's true. It should be wearing off pretty soon. Just sit down for a while, and within fifteen minutes, it should be gone. Your skin will be its normal color again." Dick said.

"You mean grey?" Raven asked skeptically. Dick looked at her.

"I dunno if I would say your skin is grey. You're certainly fairer skinned than most… But…"

"Don't sugarcoat it. I've never had a good complexion. My skin has always been pale like this."

"Well… I could change your skin color if you really wanted me to. But I like the way you look. I think you're beautiful… Whether your skin is grey, white, red or blue… I wouldn't want you to change the way you look…" He said. Raven blushed slightly, not quite willing to look Dick in the eye. Dick moved in to hug Raven, but was shoved away rather unceremoniously from her.

"Raven… Are you alright?" He asked, slightly hurt at being pushed away like that.

"I… Yes… No… I don't know! I'm not used to being this intimate with anyone!"

"What are you talking about? We've been dating for almost three weeks, now. We've had sex… Twice… We've kissed… We've been…" Dick began. Raven's scowl deepened.

"That's not what I mean!" She snapped.

"I mean emotionally intimate! I wasn't expecting a relationship when I had sex with you the first time! I was shocked when you said you felt the same way about me as I did about you! Now, I'm sharing my thoughts with you! I'm connected in a way I've never been connected before! And I don't know if I'm ready for that!"

"Oh… Raven… I'm sorry I moved so quickly… I should have known you weren't ready… We've been friends for years… You're one of my best friends and one of the people I care most about… It wasn't fair for me to push you to be so intimate so quickly…" Dick said, feeling guilty now.

"No… It's not your fault… I just… I wanted this as well… I wanted to be close to you… And it felt amazing… But I'm worried that I'll be consumed by it if I'm not careful.

"What if I lose control of my emotions and hurt you, or someone else? I couldn't live with myself if I hurt any of you just because I enjoyed being intimate with you. I love you, Dick… But I don't love not having complete control over myself… It's terrifying." Raven said.

"Should we… Break up then?" Dick asked, seeming like he hoped she would say 'no'.

"I don't know… I need to meditate for a while. I'll leave you alone to work on your alchemy." Raven said, kissing Dick on the cheek and hurrying up to her room, turning on some Marconi Union and sitting down, rising into the air and sliding into a meditative trance. For hours, she meditated on her conundrum. She loved Dick, and she wanted to continue her relationship with him. But she was scared that it was consuming her. What if she lost control of her powers? Her friends could be killed.

Already, Nightwing had given her more powers than she had ever had before. She was meditating to fully control them, but there were no guarantees in life. She retreated deeper into her mind, searching for the answer that she was sure was there somewhere, hoping that she didn't have to hurt Dick simply to keep herself under control. She took a deep breath, looking into her mirror.

She needed to truly see into herself, truly introspect to gain the insight she needed.

"Raven?" Came a voice.

She needed to look deeper… Tune out the world around her.

"Friend Raven?"

"It was awfully hard with that voice talking to her. No. She needed to tune it out.

"Friend Raven! Are you alright?" Raven's eyes shot open.

"What do you want, Starfire?"

"I am concerned about you. You seemed… Off… Today…" Starfire said.

"I'm fine…" Raven replied, closing her eyes again.

"You are most certainly not fine! I am worried about you! You have the dark circles under your eyes and you are looking gray."

"I always have dark circles under my eyes and my skin has always been gray. I've never had perfect skin like you, Starfire. Maybe you should go point out other people's flaws. I'm busy." Raven said. Starfire sighed.

"Raven… I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I wish to help you. But I cannot if you will not trust me!" Starfire protested.

"Can you assure me that I won't lose control of my powers! Can you make sure that I don't destroy the tower and kill my friends if I lose control with Nightwing! You can't help me! Now get out! Now!" Raven demanded furiously, a jet black, ice cold aura radiating off of her.

"I… Alright, Raven… If you ever want to talk, I am always available… At any time…" Starfire said, floating out of the room. Raven sighed, standing up. She felt bad now for yelling at Starfire like that. She had just wanted to help her, and she turned her away. Raven hurried out after Starfire, pulling her back in.

"What is it, Raven?" Starfire asked, seeming hesitant.

"I'm scared, Star… I love Dick and… That came out wrong." Raven muttered, blushing slightly at the unintentional double entendre.

"No! I know what you mean! Please… Continue…" Starfire said.

"Um… Well, I love Dick, but… I'm afraid if I keep going that I'll lose control. I can't afford to lose control of my powers…

"If I do… Well, especially with all my new powers, I could seriously injure or kill a lot of people. You've never seen me truly out of control. It's only happened three times in my life. Once on Azarath. My powers weren't fully developed yet, so I didn't kill anyone. A second time on Azarath, and I sadly killed five people, and a third time on Earth. Nobody died, but I'm pretty sure two people are still in the hospital and one man is still in a psych ward.

"His glimpse into my demonic heritage drove him mad. That was five years ago, and last I heard he was still nonverbal." Raven said. Starfire hugged Raven tightly.

"I will do all that I can to make sure that you do not harm yourself or anyone else. I love you, Raven… We are friends… On Tameran, friends will do anything to help their friends, and so will I." Starfire whispered. Raven sighed.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I treated you so poorly. I'm just scared." Raven muttered, tears flooding her deep blue eyes. Starfire could feel Raven's powers becoming unstable. She put a hand on Raven's cheek.

"Please, take the deep breaths and be calm." She whispered consolingly. Raven nodded, taking one breath, closing her eyes, releasing it slowly, measuredly and breathing in again. Starfire sat down next to her, levitating and meditating with Raven.

The two female Titans continued with this for a few hours until the alarm brought them out of their meditative trance. Raven cursed. She wouldn't even have time to tell Dick about her decision. It wasn't a rush, she guessed, but the sooner the better. It wasn't fair to leave Nightwing in doubt about where their relationship was.