The girls had left the party a while later because Lexa still needed her routine, and after the incident with Charlotte, or both of them, Clarke hadn't really been enjoying herself at all anymore. They decided to go to Clarke's apartment but midway, Lexa realized she hadn't brought any of the stuff she would need for her classes the next day.
So here they were, making their way up to Lexa's room in the dorm building.
"Lex, I really… could I just wait outside?" Suddenly, Clarke was nervous. "And I'd… rather you just…"
Lexa stopped at the top of the stairs and turned around to Clarke. "Clarke, I have no idea what you're trying to tell me."
"I'm talking about Charlotte." Clarke explained and scratched the back of her neck uncomfortably.
Lexa knitted her eyebrows in confusion. "What about her?"
"I just… I just don't want to bump into her again, and much less than that, I want you to bump into her."
Lexa's frown slightly deepened as she scrunched her lips to the side. "Okay." She nodded and continued her way to her room, Clarke following close.
"Wait, Lexa–" she stopped her again, "I meant I don't want us to bump into her today. Like… now."
Clarke saw the exact moment Lexa understood Clarke's concern, a second before she shook her head. "But she doesn't even live here anymore. I mean, not really. She's still registered here but she spends all her time at her boyfriend's."
She tilted her head to the side, her eyes absentmindedly wandering up and down Clarke's legs. "At least I think he's her boyfriend. I mean they kiss a lot, so that could be an indication. She never said he's her boyfriend though. But she usually doesn't say anything to me, at all. So maybe–"
"Hey, Lex" Clarke stopped the brunette's rambling with a smile. She didn't exactly know what to feel, she'd had no idea that Charlotte had basically moved out, Lexa had never said a thing. But then again; She knew Lexa, and Lexa just accepted some changes without really giving them much meaning, so Clarke couldn't even be upset about it. Not wanting to spend any more time in the dorm building – just in case –, Clarke asked Lexa to hurry a bit, which the girl did, before they finally went to Clarke's apartment.
Clarke let out an annoyed groan. "Could you help me out of this?" She finally asked, giving up the fight against her dress, wondering how the hell she had managed to zip it up in the first place. It didn't help either that she was a good amount of tipsy now.
Lexa, who was in the middle of unrolling the sleeves of her flannel raised her head. "Pardon?"
"Could you unzip my dress, please?" Clarke asked again, trying not to slur too much.
Lexa nodded and neatly folded her shirt before making her way across Clarke's bedroom to put the blonde out of her misery. Clarke pulled her hair to the side to give Lexa better access, trying to be subtle about the sharp inhale when Lexa's slender fingers softly brushed over her skin. Also, she was well aware of how the other girl's hands were slightly shaking, but she chose to keep quiet and just enjoy the moment.
Lexa carefully unzipped the dress but didn't let go of the zipper. Clarke waited for a moment but nothing happened.
"You okay there?" She asked softly but didn't turn around yet.
Instead of a verbal answer, she sensed Lexa moving closer before she felt soft lips on her right shoulder.
"Lex?" She asked again, her voice barely above a whisper. Suddenly, Lexa pulled away.
"I– sorry, I didn't– I wasn't– you just–" Lexa stumbled over her own words and Clarke's lips twitched into a soft smile about the flustered girl behind her.
"It's okay, Lex, I didn't mind… at all." She reassured her.
"Can I–" the brunette cleared her throat, "can I try again?"
Clarke nodded and closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt another soft kiss on her shoulder, and her breathing picked up on speed when Lexa's incredibly intoxicating scent flooded her nostrils as the brunette stepped closer, slowly kissing her way up the back of Clarke's neck. Lexa's warm breath tickling her skin sent a shiver through her entire body, and Lexa instinctively laid her hands on the blonde's hips to pull her closer.
Clarke didn't know when it happened, she was too lost in the moment, in the feeling of Lexa's lips on her skin, overwhelmed by the intimacy of the whole situation, but at some point her dress had slid down, leaving her in her underwear. She only realized that her dress was gone when she felt Lexa's front pressing against her naked back, and against her will, her muscles slightly tensed.
Lexa immediately backed away again, and over her own pulse that was currently running a marathon, Clarke could hear the other girl's fast breathing.
"Do you… want me to turn around?" She asked softly.
She could hear Lexa nervously shifting her weight before the girl quietly spoke. "Give me a minute?"
Clarke nodded and waited patiently, or as patiently as she could. The sound of her own heartbeat in her ears was almost deafening. After what felt like an eternity, Lexa finally spoke again. "Okay."
Pull yourself together, Griff! You're comfortable about your body, Lexa is not the first person to see you like this, what's your problem?! Clarke thought to herself and using up the last bit of courage, she turned around.
Lexa opened her mouth but no words came out, and Clarke had never felt so vulnerable before, standing there in her bedroom, with the girl she was deeply in love with, whose eyes slowly wandered up her legs, over the curves of her hips, shyly glancing at her cleavage, until they finally met her eyes, and even if it was only for a second, Clarke immediately noticed the sheer panic in Lexa's eyes.
"Hey," she said softly as she stepped closer to Lexa and gently cupped the girl's chin to raise her head so that she could see her face again, "what are you scared of?"
Lexa started twiddling with one of her bracelets and sucked in a shaky breath. "I don't know." She admitted and Clarke nodded but stayed silent, sensing that there was more that Lexa wanted to say. The brunette squeezed her eyes shut a few times, trying to stay calm and phrase her thoughts.
"I just–" she paused, the twiddling intensifying, "really want to touch you."
Clarke's features immediately softened and she ducked her head to meet Lexa's eyes. "You can touch me, Lexa."
The girl closed her eyes again and shook her head. "I mean I want to have sex with you."
Clarke's eyes widened. "Oh!" was all she could say. She would have expected anything but not for Lexa to be so… direct, although she should've known better because Lexa usually said what she was thinking. This however was a whole new level, for both of them, and Clarke mentally kicked herself because she wanted nothing more than to make this experience with Lexa, and she would have waited forever and a day, until Lexa was ready. And now that she was, Clarke wasn't.
"I…" she started but paused to take a deep breath, "trust me, I really… I really want this too, but I'm kinda drunk," she laughed nervously, "and I want to do this right, and I want to be completely sober." She shook her head, trying to sort her thoughts.
"I'll be honest, I hadn't expected for this to happen so soon, or not soon, I don't know," she watched as a deep crease formed between Lexa's eyebrows, "I just– I just want this to be perfect for you and I…" she trailed off, a tear forming in her eye as she was desperately trying to form coherent sentences, "I just… God I'm such an idiot." She chose to stop rambling and give Lexa the chance to say something, as well.
Now it was Clarke who was fumbling with her hands as she anxiously awaited the brunette's reply.
"Okay." Lexa said finally and Clarke let out a small laugh, relieved and confused at the same time.
"Okay?" She asked doubtfully.
Lexa nodded. "That's okay. Actually, I lost track somewhere in the middle because you speak really fast when you're nervous," she explained calmly and Clarke grinned, a blush coloring her cheeks, "but it's okay."
Clarke couldn't help but smile at her girl, Lexa was too adorable for her heart to take, and whatever the girl did, her love for her was growing stronger with every second.
With a soft peck on Lexa's lips, Clarke stepped away. "Let's get some sleep, okay?"
After getting ready for bed – not without Clarke leaving a toothpasty kiss on Lexa's cheek which the brunette wiped away with a frown, making Clarke smile even more – they climbed into bed and automatically cuddled up under the blanket.
Feeling a comfortable exhaustion kick in, Clarke thought about the evening and all the intense events that it had brought with it, from Ontari standing up for her, to Raven breaking Charlotte's nose, to Lexa bluntly telling her that she wanted to sleep with her, she contentedly closed her eyes, and listening to Lexa's calm breathing, which had easily become one of her most favorite sounds in the world, Clarke slowly drifted off to sleep.
"I love you anyway." Lexa suddenly broke the silence, and Clarke softly chuckled. Whatever Lexa's train of thoughts had been, Clarke was definitely too tired to try to understand it, so she didn't ask. With a smile still playing on her lips, Clarke dozily left a kiss on Lexa's shoulder, before she finally fell asleep.
