Episode Nine: Starlight

The starlight festival was one of the most important times in a young person's life. This was frustrating to Jack, being the only young man of age to marry in the town, and having five eligible young women to choose from.

Ellen and Ann had not made the impression they had hoped on Jack, he was just too shallow to notice them in such a way. Eve was without a doubt one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, and they usually got along together quite well. Nina was ofcourse always in competition with Eve, and was equally as stunning. The girl was known for her temper, however, and Jack had gotten the worst of it when they had their "date". Maria was a very sweet girl, and had a certain presence about her that captured Jack's attention whenever they met. Aside from the religious devotion, she very well could be the right girl for him. It was just too bad that he wasn't able to spend enough time with her to get to know her the way he wanted.

Tonight, Jack would have to ask one of these girls on a date with him, and pronounce themselves as a couple to the town. The farmer had no idea who he was going to ask.

Feeling hopeless, he threw on his coat and went outside into the cold winter atmosphere. He walked over to the 'Goddess Pond' and sat down to think, but something was wrong… he felt a presence.

"Jack…" a voice scared him. He looked around but could see nothing.

"Who's there? Ruff? Was that you, boy?"

"No Jack, it is I." a slim form appeared before him over the pond. It was a gorgeous spirit from another realm, come to give him a message. The boy had never seen anything or anyone so beautiful in his entire life.

"Wh…who are you?" Jack began to shake.

"I am the Harvest Goddess, my dear. And I have come to tell you great things."

"Am I dead?" Jack pinched himself.

"No, Jack. That would not be a good thing, dear. You have a certain destiny in this town. A legacy that you must uphold. You are to be the protector of this town, my boy. Without your presence, the town will be in danger, and all your loved ones will perish."

"That's okay, I'm leaving in a little over a year anyway. I suck at farming." Jack said brightly.

"…Yes, yes you do. That is why I have come to offer you a new path. Tonight you must choose the girl of your dreams, Jack, but you have no clue who that girl is. I propose that you marry me, and together we shall live in the outer realm, forever protecting the town from harm."

Jack considered this for a moment before answering. "I can't marry a ghost!"

"I am no ghost, you can be sure. I am a spirit goddess. I can make your wildest dreams come true, Jack. You will know pleasures you never thought existed!"

Jack knew exactly what she meant by this. Ice cream every night before bed! No farming duties as long as he shall live! A TV with more than 4 stations!

"Jack… you can live forever! If you were to choose another girl, you would have to be a farmer for the rest of your miserable life, and somehow manage to keep the farm in your family so that they can continue on in your place as the protector. The only way to ensure the town's safety is to be with me!"

Intermission

"Hmm," he was about to say yes, when he realized that this spirit goddess was completely nude. "What are THOSE?" Jack pointed at her accusingly.

"Um… uh, these?" the Harvest goddess was taken aback.

"Yes, they look powerful. Is that where your power comes from?" Jack had a big smile on his face.

"That… that's not funny. I really hope you're joking." The goddess held her hands over her breasts to cover them. This… protector, was obviously an idiot; but was he really that innocent? Was he truly going to be able to resist her sexual appeal?

"Sooooorrrryyy for not knowing about your power tools!" Jack was clearly offended. Why should he be expected to know where the source of her powers came from?

"Uhm… yes, in a way they are part of my powers… I suppose."

"Cool! So can I have some too when I become a god!" Jack jumped for joy in anticipation.

"You can't be a god! You are mortal! No mortal can ever be a god, they can just gain the gift of eternal life." The goddess explained.

"What are they called?"

"What are what called?"

"Your power mounds!" Jack yelled.

"Can we please get off the subject?"

"I WANT POWER MOUNDS!" Jack screamed adamantly.

"THEY'RE BREASTS, YOU MORON!" she screamed back, angered by the immaturity of her future husband.

"I'm not gonna marry you until you give them to me!" Jack folded his arms, crossed his legs, turned around and sat down with a very angered expression on his face.

"You will do as I say!"

"Meanie!" Jack refused to move.

"(Sigh). Alright, how about this: You can have anything OTHER than a pair of breasts. Sound good?" the goddess attempted to calm herself.

Jack turned around slowly. "Really?"

"Anything." She promised.

"Well, I kinda like the look of that."

"What?"

"Where your thingy is supposed to be." He pointed.

"Oh, for crying out loud, kid!" the goddess was mad again.

"You promised!" Jack accused her.

"Alright, they're yours. They just won' be on your body… technically." She laughed to herself. Poor Jack was confused as ever, and here she was making jokes that he didn't understand. How rude!

"Can I touch!" he jumped to his feet excitedly.

"Not until we are married." She insisted.

Jack considered this deal. "Okay! What do I have to do?"

"A wedding for a goddess is much different than a mortal wedding. You must go out and find four important offerings."

"You mean like wedding gifts?"

"Exactly!" she was finally getting through to the boy.

"Aren't the guests supposed to bring those?" Jack inquired.

"Not this time. You must go and find something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."

"Then what?"

"Then you will come back here and throw them into the pond where they shall be sacrificed to the netherworld forever!" the goddess looked very serious.

"I can do that!" Jack exclaimed. "I'll be back in an hour!"

Happy with his new arrangement, Jack set off to find the four items as a sacrifice for his future wife. It took a while, but Jack was back in just over an hour with the items.

Intermission

"Ah, you have returned, my love!" the goddess was happy to see him.

"Yep. I got all of the things you wanted too!" Jack said with pride.

"Wonderful. Okay, something old?"

Jack walked over to the first item and removed the tape from its mouth.

"Jack, what on earth is the meaning of this? Oh my, it is the great Harvest goddess!" the local priest cried in wonder.

"SomeTHING, not someone!" the goddess was infuriated.

"Same thing." Jack pushed the priest into the pond, where he would be banished forever to the netherworld.

"Jack! What have you done? This man worships me!" she cried.

"That's okay, you have me now!" he said triumphantly.

"Rrrgh! Fine. Something new, it better notbe a small child or I swear!"

"It's not. Couldn't find one in time. Look! I cut my finger!" Jack held his hand up to her for inspection.

"…So?"

"It's a new cut! Still bleeding!" he waved it around.

"Honey… how do you expect to get that into the netherworld without losing your entire finger?"

"On second thought, I'll look for an infant in a few minutes."

"Ugh! This is hopeless!"

"And here we have something blue!" Jack held out a pretty violet.

"Jack, you didn't remember the last thing, did you?"

"Wasn't there only three?"

"No. You forgot something borrowed." She held her head with her hand, annoyed beyond any feeling she had ever had in her existence. And that was a very long time.

"Oh yeah!" Jack remembered. He pulled out a small farming guide from his pocket.

"Hmm… looks like you could have used this during the year. Who did you borrow It from?" the goddess was relieved that he got something right.

"Myself, I won't be missing it, I promise." He smiled.

"JACK! You are without a doubt the dumbest creature in the history of all existence! I've known squirrels with twice the IQ you have!" the goddess yelled uncontrollably.

"Aw, our first fight. I will treasure this forever. If we fight as much as my parents, there will be a whole lot more!" Jack tried to lighten the situation.

"I can't do this! Father was right, earthlings are not worthy. I may spend the rest of eternity alone, but I know it will be much better than listening to you!" she pointed.

"You can't mean that! You're angry, just calm down and we can get through this." Jack tried to console her.

"Have fun trying to protect your precious village when you die a mortal's death! Good-BYE!" the goddess disappeared.

Jack was stunned.

"I still want my power mounds!" he yelled into the pond. Poor Jack felt totally alone and unwanted, and now he was back to where he began.

Who will I spend the starlight festival with now? He thought. Oh well, at least I got rid of the priest… if only I could get rid of the church too.

"Hi, Jack." He turned around and saw Maria standing behind him.

"Hello."

"Do you mind if I sit down?" she asked.

"'Kay."

Maria took a seat beside Jack at the rim of the pond. They stayed in silence for a few minutes, neither one knowing what to say.

"Jack, would you mind if I asked you a question?" she finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Go ahead."

"Why is it that you haven't asked anyone to go to the festival yet?"

Jack did not know what to say to this. "I…don't know."

"Well, you are the only boy of age to marry, and it is expected of you. I understand that it may be a lot of pressure, but the townspeople are counting on you. Are you planning on moving back to the city? Is that it? You want a city girl?" Maria was confused.

"That isn't it. I don't know who to choose." Jack sighed.

"Well, I know we haven't had much time to really talk… but if you are having so much trouble deciding, perhaps that means that you haven't been spending time with the right girl yet?"

Jack was confused by this. "Uh… yes."

"So perhaps… you could listen to your heart and make a decision?" Maria questioned him. He looked into her beautiful blue eyes, they sparkled like nothing he had ever seen before.

"… My heart can talk?" he whispered to her in exasperation.

"Haha… you know what I mean." She laughed.

Clearly, he did not. But he did know that he must make a decision nonetheless.

"Okay." He answered.

"So you will spend tonight with me?" Maria said hopefully.

Jack stared at the beautiful girl before him and held her hand gently. "Nope, I have to go. Bye." He ran off.

Maria was left alone, stunned and depressed.

Intermission

Jack arrived at his destination and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. This was one of the scariest and most embarrassing moments of his life, and he couldn't have felt any more awkward about it. But alas, it had to be done.

KNOCK KNOCK!

A pink haired woman answered the door and asked what his business was.

"Is Nina here?" Jack asked softly.

A moment later, Nina showed up in the doorway, looking as pretty as ever.

"Oh, Jack, I knew you'd come! I just knew it! You've come to ask me to the starlight festival with you!" Nina hugged him tightly.

"Um, actually, you're good with directions… and I forget where Eve lives. Can you show me?"

Yeer:1 Munth: 4 Day: 24

Deer muther and fother 2day I met a bootifl womin from heven and all most got mareed 2 her. Then I went to the festvl with eve after giting slaped bi neena reelee hard. I donnt no y she wuz mad but o wel. I also sacrfised a preest, just lik I always told yoo I wood.

THE END

(I had fun writing this one! Bet you all thought I was neglecting the harvest goddess, hahaha! Anyways, this ought to be appreciated after the horrible travesty that was episode eight!)