Chapter 36
Kahlan and Hotch started making dinner as the kids bombarded them with questions, and after answering all of them and demonstrating his new speed and strength, they all finally relaxed and settled in to watch a little TV. Once the kids went to bed, Hotch helped Kahlan clean up. Once she was done washing the dishes, he grabbed her arm and turned her away from the sink. "Come out to the lake with me."
She frowned. "This late? What about the kids? What if one of them wakes up? What if. . ."
"I'll be able to hear them. It'll be fine. Come outside with me," he urged her.
She bit her bottom lip; she knew he wanted to continue their discussion about whether or not she was going to become a vampire, but she wasn't sure she was ready for that.
"Please." His eyes begged her as his hand traveled down her arm to her hand and squeezed it tenderly.
She inhaled a long, slow breath, and he tugged on her hand a little, so she sighed and nodded. "Alright."
He smiled and led them to the door as she mentally cringed knowing he wasn't going to like what she had to say. He stopped, grabbed her jacket off the hook by the door, and held out it for her. She smiled and got into it and then frowned at him opening the door without putting his on. "Does the cold not bother you anymore?"
"No."
She huffed. He had always been able to take the cold better than her, but he definitely liked warmer weather normally.
He shrugged and grabbed her hand again as he led her out the door, off the porch, down to the lake, and out onto the little pier. He motioned to the bench he and the boys had made for Rossi for Father's Day about five years prior so he could be more comfortable while fishing.
She took a deep breath and sat down and he sat down next to her and put his arm around her. He could feel the tension in her shoulders and hear her heart pounding and he knew she didn't want to discuss him changing her, so he decided to give her a few moments to see if she'd relax a little more.
After a few minutes, and her toes bouncing in her shoes, he reached up and started rubbing her shoulders. "The full moon really lights it up out here, huh?"
She half way flinched and then looked around the lake. "Yes. It's beautiful."
He took a deep breath knowing she had been lost in thought and not really sitting on the bench with him. He licked his lips as he sat up a little. "Babe. . ."
"Aaron. . ." she started as she pulled away from him and stood up. She took a couple steps away from him and folded her arms across her chest.
"Kahlan. . ." He shook his head and stood up. "Please tell me you have thought about it and have changed your mind."
Her eyes slid shut as she slowly shook her head.
"Please, Babe." He grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him. He could tell by the look on her face that she had been thinking about it but that she hadn't changed her mind. He grabbed her shoulders. "You are not a bad person, Babe!"
She huffed and pulled away from him. "Aaron. . ." She turned back to him. "Your love for me apparently makes you blind to the truth, but I have a monster inside me already, Aaron, and if you unleash that I'd probably be no better than Sebastian's partner."
His hands tightened into fists as his nostrils flared. "Don't you dare compare yourself to him! He was probably born that way!"
She wilted and turned herself away from him again. "Maybe I was, too," she uttered softly.
If it wouldn't have been for his enhanced hearing he wouldn't have heard her, but as it was, his heart skipped a beat. "No! Don't say something like that!"
She turned to him and the evil in her eyes made him back up a step. "But I am, Aaron! I have killed. . ."
"No! Just because you have killed people doesn't mean you are a monster, Kahlan!"
"I have killed and I have enjoyed it, Aaron! How does that not make me a monster?"
He backed up a step as his eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?"
She sighed as her shoulders drooped. She didn't want to ever tell him that, but it was too late. I have to make him understand! She took a deep breath. "I have enjoyed killing people, Aaron, and I know that's something you don't want to hear, but it's the truth."
He ran a hand down his face as he studied her.
"And if I already have those tendencies running through me, what the hell would becoming a vampire do to my control?"
His eyes searched hers and after a moment he huffed. "You've enjoyed it?" She licked her lips and opened her mouth but he cut back in. "I bet I can tell you when that's happened." Her brows furrowed and he nodded. "That guy down in Columbia?" She winced and he knew he was right. "Green?"
She sighed. "Yes!"
He took a deep breath and went to her. "And those two people have hurt you more than anyone else, Babe. That son of a bitch in Columbia assaulted you like no other, Kahlan, and Green. . . She didn't attack you physically, but she hurt you emotionally just as strongly as he did physically!"
"Like that makes a difference!"
He put his hands on her shoulders and locked eyes with her. "But it does, Babe. You went through hell with both of those people! No one would fault you for. . ."
"But I enjoyed it, Aaron! Hurting them actually brought a smile to my face!"
He stepped back from her and shook his head. "Alright." He licked his lips as he locked eyes with her again. "But tell me this, Kahlan: when you were on the squad and you were sent to assassinate someone, did you ever enjoy that? Did you ever smile when you had your finger wrapped around the trigger? Did you ever take any pleasure in killing someone then?"
Her face scrunched up in disgust. "No!"
"Exactly!" he yelled as he went back to her and placed loving hands on the side of her head. "If you were a true monster, you would take pleasure in every kill." He took a deep breath. "I know I give you shit all the time about being a mindless killer, Babe, but you're not! You have amazing self-control! You. . ."
She huffed and rolled her eyes obviously not agreeing with him.
He took a step back and knew he wouldn't get very far with that argument because of the low image she had of herself. His mind raced and after a moment, he decided to try a different approach. "Alright, fine, you consider yourself a bad person, right?"
She frowned as she looked at him, but she nodded.
"And because of that you really think you are going to hell, right?"
"Yeah," she muttered and then snorted.
He stood up tall and squared his shoulders. "And no matter how tough you try to act, that actually scares the shit out of you, doesn't it?"
Her eyes searched his, and when they filled, his heart ached, but she nodded. "Very much so."
He nodded and went back to her, put his hands on her waist, and pulled her closer to him. "If you let me change you, if you become a vampire, you won't die so you wouldn't have to worry about ever facing that fear."
She frowned a little as her eyes darted around.
He took a deep breath; he knew he had nudged her in the right direction but he had to keep going to really get her there. "And you wouldn't ever have to worry about growing old, Babe."
Her eyes snapped to his.
He reached up and caressed her cheek. "I know growing old scares you. I know you fear slowing down and getting to the point of not being able to be who you are now." He knew she didn't actually fear getting gray and wrinkled but feared what age would do to her body. "And I know you absolutely hate to think about that point and time when you won't be able to take care of yourself anymore and someone else will have to step in and take care of you."
A little whimper escaped her as a tear fell down her cheek.
He wiped the tear away and then ran his thumb beside her eye. "If you let me change you, that won't ever happen, either." He put his other hand on her other cheek and forced her to look up at him. "In fact, if you let me change you, you will feel even better than you do right now. I feel better than what I did twenty years ago, Babe, and you can experience that, too."
She took a shuddering breath as her eyes slid closed. "That does sound nice."
He mentally sighed. Come on, Hotchner, think! You've almost got her convinced!
"But that might not be worth the risk," she offered as she looked at him again.
He smiled mentally when a new thought hit him, so he released her and took a step back. You've got to play on her emotions, Hotchner. He reached out and grabbed her hand. "After we met and then got married, in the quiet moments I would think about our relationship," he started.
Her brows furrowed as she tried to figure out where he was going with that. "And?"
"And I would find myself actually getting pissed."
"Pissed?"
He nodded as he led her back to the bench and pulled her down beside him. "Yeah. I got mad at fate or God or whatever powers that be because I truly believed we were soulmates."
Shock filled her eyes. "And thinking that made you mad?"
He shook his head and scooted closer to her. "No. What made me mad was that if we really were soulmates, why did it take us so long to find one another? If we were meant to be, then why did it happen so late in life? We were cheated, and it pissed me off that I had only had about half of my life to spend with you." He grabbed her other hand and gave them both a squeeze. "It wasn't enough time. Half a lifetime wasn't enough to make you as happy as you made me."
"Hun. . ."
"But after this. . . After it finally sank in what being a vampire means. . . I know this was destined to be. This is fate's way of giving me that time, Kahlan. I have been given forever, but. . ." He ducked his head down and locked eyes with her. "But I don't want forever if you're not going to spend it with me."
When his eyes filled with unshed tears, her heart clenched. "Aaron," she started as she pulled her hand away from his and cupped cheek. "You have brought so much joy into my life already. . ."
He pulled away from her roughly and got up as he half snarled. "No! Damn it!" He turned away from her as he shook his head. That didn't work completely. . . Time to stoop to her level and break out the guilt. After a deep breath he turned back to her. "What good is eternity if I have to spend it alone, Kahlan?" He squatted down in front of her and grabbed her hands again. "You even said you felt sorry for anyone who had to face life alone, Babe. Are you really going to make me do it?" He licked his lips and scooted closer to her as he placed his hands on her thighs and looked into her eyes. "Are you going to force me into watching you grow old and die right before my eyes? Are you so cruel that you would make me live through that?" He swallowed as his eyes searched her face. He really didn't like trying to guilt her into it, but he was sure once it happened that she would be fine and it would all be worth it in the end.
She looked out over the lake as she sighed, and after a moment the sides of her lips started to curve upwards. She snorted as she shook her head and turned back to him. "You really are a stubborn ass, you know that?"
He quickly nodded. "Yep," he agreed as his heart sped up.
She giggled and clasped his face in tender hands. "And God help me, but I love you for it."
His dimples emerged with his grin. "So is that a yes?"
She took a deep breath. "It's a yes. . ." she started and he almost collapsed in relief, but she shook her head. "It's a yes on one condition!"
His breath caught in his chest. "Condition?"
She nodded as she locked eyes with his. "You have to promise me, Aaron," she started and he could see the seriousness in her eyes. "Promise me that if I become a monster after you change me, that you will see to it that I am destroyed."
He pulled away from her and stood up as he took a deep breath.
"You don't have to do it personally, but you have to promise that it will be done." She stood up. "I don't want eternity if I'm going to spend it being a mindless killer, Aaron."
"You won't, Kahlan. That's not going to happen!"
She stepped to him and put a hand on his chest. "And if you truly believe that you shouldn't have a problem promising me."
His eyes darted around as his mind raced. After a few moments, he ran a hand down his face and nodded. "I know you wouldn't want to live like that, Babe, so, yes, I promise."
She searched his eyes. "Yeah?"
He smiled as he nodded. "Yes!"
She smiled. "Then I agree to join you in this new life."
Tears of relief mixed with joy burst forth from his eyes as he grabbed her and pulled her to his chest. "Oh thank God!"
She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him.
After getting himself calmed back down, he pulled away from her a little, and looked down into her eyes. "I love you."
She smiled. "I love you, too, Hun."
He grabbed her head with gentle hands and leaned down and kissed her, passionately.
Once she had to pull back for want of air, she smiled again. "I have to confess that spending eternity with the man I love does sound a little appealing."
He chuckled. "Just a little?"
She giggled. "No, more like pretty damn appealing."
He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. "You are an amazing woman, Kahlan Lavonne Hotchner."
She smiled up at him. "And you are an amazing man, Aaron Jackson Hotchner."
He chuckled. "And we will get to spend the rest of forever being amazing together."
