Chapter 5: Return
It continued to be a great day to be on the road. The way down to Tipa was a beautiful countryside, full of hills covered in grasses and flowers. Like with the other roads they'd taken, fruit trees were scattered alongside the road. Several were ready with fresh fruits too, although they weren't stopping to take any. They did see some folks out along the road gathering the fruits, something that wouldn't have been possible with the miasma. They waved cheerfully at Tsu Fai, seeming to already know what she had done. Despite not knowing them as well, the people still offered a warm welcome.
The stable was at the edge of the town as usual, in front of a plain bridge over a stream. Hopping off the wagon, Hurdy felt like this place was strongly familiar. Tsu Fai had to coax De Nam out of the wagon, so he went closer to the bridge to get a look into town. It seemed like a nice place, surrounded by large trees and lined with dirt paths. Across the bridge, he could see people of all races chatting together. That was a promising sign to what this town was like.
However, Hurdy found his attention drawn back to the bridge. It was really a plain bridge, no rails and only a foot off the water. It should be something that drew little attention. Looking at it, he felt something like a gaping hole in his heart. His thoughts buzzed and banged around. He was going to be alone. Why was he going to be alone? This was unimaginable, terrible. What was terrible, what was happening to him, why was everything so dim?
Leon came up to him by the bridge. "What is it, Hurdy?" Leon asked.
He wished he knew, and why he was dizzy with the crazy thoughts piling up. "This place seems familiar," someone said. It took a moment for him to realize that he'd said it. "I should get to the crystal quickly."
After a moment, Leon said, "I see. I'll make arrangements here and at the inn since it's late. Make sure to head over with Tsu Fai and De Nam, since he needs to be there."
"Yeah, sure," he replied, although he normally wasn't so casual. Once Leon stepped away, something put his hand to his chin and covered his mouth. "Just hang in there; you need to do this since I can't."
What was going on?! His chest tightened and he wanted to get away from this bridge. But he wasn't fully in control of his body. Nor his mind. Something terrible was going to happen. Had happened. Was happening. But what? He never wanted to come back until… until something, but it wasn't getting done. Probably because he didn't remember.
Whoever the other was in control sighed softly. "Calm down. I'll get you across the bridge and to the crystal, but then you have to do what we came to do."
Right, he came here for a reason. But why was this bridge such a problem? Hurdy tried to take a few deep breaths, trying to shoo out the excess of disconnected thoughts. Maybe he was from this town instead. Maybe something had happened at this bridge here. But he didn't remember any of it, so there wasn't much he could do. It shouldn't bother him. It should just be a bridge.
"Have you been here before, Hurdy?" Tsu Fai asked. She was pulling De Nam along while he looked down blankly.
"Possibly," the other said. "But I wouldn't remember this place, sorry. I only just started remembering things."
She nodded and started heading across the bridge. "It's okay then. The crystal is just down the road; nearly every path leads to it. And for the one that doesn't, well you'd be able to see it plain and clear from there."
The other moved him forward since Hurdy would have been frozen to the spot. The aged wooden planks amplified the sounds of their footsteps. While it seemed like a pleasant sound, his mind was so convinced that something terrible would happen that his heart started to race. The other echoed what Hurdy had done, trying to calm his mind and body down. But it wasn't until he was fully across that he began to relax. Nothing unusual had happened. It was just a bridge, after all.
"Sis, you're back!" A younger selkie, still a child, came running up to them. "You did it!"
"Of course I did," Tsu Fai said, patting her sister on the head. "But we have something important here to do first, so we'll get together in a bit."
Other neighbors called out greetings, and the girl with them (Momo Phiy apparently) wanted to know all about them, what had happened, and what they were doing. Tsu Fai kept teasing her about not telling her things. The whole time, Hurdy felt like he was passing through a surreal dream. A house looked familiar, but a tree didn't. The people were and weren't familiar; there was a large stone surrounded by tufts of grass that seemed like it was always there. He could imagine running through the streets like these kids and that felt real. But there was no proof in his mind that any of it was real, just these feelings that swelled and scattered off this or that.
Maybe it was good they hadn't gone through Alfitaria and tormented Leon with feelings like this; maybe he should warn him.
They had gathered a small crowd by the time they reached the town guardian. Hurdy felt an intense nostalgia being there; the stone altar was familiar, yet worn a little more from years that had past. In contrast, the crystal wouldn't weather at all. It shone with such clarity that sunbeams danced along its facets. Yet, there was a sleepiness to it; it must have been purified recently, perhaps later than the others he'd seen.
It's been many years, Hurdy.
The voice of the crystal shook him out of his mental fog. "Has it?" he said, clutching his hand to his chest in part to assure himself that he was back in control. "It does feel like I've returned to a dear friend in being here."
We can talk in a little bit. For this, would you bring out all the crystals you have brought here? We need to cast out the last of the miasma from the Tida crystal.
Hurdy bowed his head, then took out the ones he had: the Tida crystal, the Marr's Pass crystal, his shell pendant, the crystal pendant that Leon had been wearing (he hadn't asked for it back, for some reason). He faintly heard a child ask what he was doing, but he was already focused on this task. Thankfully, Tsu Fai replied and got her neighbors to keep back as they weren't sure what would happen.
The prayer started the same, as to be expected. "Blessed Crystal, source of all Life, I come in service of you. The one who harmed you is gone. The one who brought the sickening miasma is gone. Now is the time for healing."
In front of him, the two traveling crystals floated off the altar. The two fragments sparkled, sending beams of gold and blue to the floating ones. Behind him, two more beams joined in: a golden one from the compact crystal bracelet that De Nam was currently wearing and a green one from another fragment that Tsu Fai seemed to have in a belt pouch. And another beam joined in from a greater distance, also gold; it was from the town's chalice crystal. Every fragment of the Crystal of Life that was currently in Tipa poured in their efforts to do what must be done.
The Tida crystal was still dimmer than the others; a shadow lurked in its depths, hiding from the light. But so much light came at it that it quickly became exposed. The wisp of miasma escaped from the Tida crystal only to find that the air was no longer comfortable to it. Desperate and hating the light, the miasma reached out to what was now escaping De Nam's body, also finding the pooling of the power of life at odds with itself. The miasma tried to form something.
But it had no chance to today. Wrapped up in the crystal's voice, Hurdy gestured to the miasma wisp. "The last strains of the world's sickness are no longer wanted. Miasma, be gone from within this faded crystal! Your time has ended."
There was a phantasmal shriek as the miasma wisp was purified to nothing. Only those sensitive to the voice of the crystals would be able to hear that. Everyone else might feel a moment of anxiety before relaxing due to the danger being gone. Behind him, De Nam had fallen to his knees due to the purification going on around him. But his mind was waking back up too, returning him to a more normal level of thought. This hadn't cast out all the miasma from his body; that would still take time. At least now, he'd be able to take care of himself.
With the Tida crystal clear, it was time to fuse the two. The crystals gave him guidance as they had before. "With the flames that fuel civilizations and destroy them, with the fires that inspire, create, protect, and ruin, your power will burn for all time. You will now be reborn as a source of one of the great elements. You are now the Crystal of Fire. May you shine for all time, bringing the blessings of Fire into the world."
The crystal now shone red, scattering flickers of light everywhere. It emitted a warmth like a campfire. Now that it was reborn, it settled itself back into its stone nest. The people gasped in wonder. Like the people of Shella, they wanted to know about the crystal changing. Hurdy told them the same kind of thing; those who could should listen to the crystal and follow its guidance. Otherwise, it was best to leave it alone to do its work.
Once the initial questions were answered and people began to leave to tell others or get back to their usual business, he was able to turn back to the new Crystal of Fire. "If you know me, do you know what's wrong with me here? It had been a good day up until I saw the bridge."
Some of your problems come from not knowing your past. Your family has lived here for generations. And for generations, they have been seeking the means to end the curse of miasma. Your parents died on that bridge after they scaled Mount Vellenge and failed to destroy Raem.
Hurdy felt that sickening feeling of a gaping hole in his heart. "I must have seen it given how I felt."
Yes; they were very dear to you. But you carried on their mission, as your father carried out his father's mission. While you were unable to complete it, the efforts of your family led to the permanent destruction of the miasma. We are grateful to your whole lineage for that.
"But what difference did I make?" Hurdy asked. "What did she have that no one else did?"
There were many factors that had to be in place for Raem to be defeated. The holy element was required to reach Mount Vellenge; your family was the one who found a consistent manner to find a holy blessing in Lynari Desert. A team was required; you had Leon with you, and Tsu Fai had Mog. The team needed weapon and magic skills, courage, positivity, hope for the future, respect for the past, and many experiences in order to have the ability to break Lady Mio's despair and defeat Lord Raem. Both of your teams had that. Mog also had resistance to the miasma and Raem's power in being a moogle. But the thing that truly made a difference was that both you and Tsu Fai frequently wrote about your experience in journals. That gave you both memories stronger than most people. However, she reviewed her journal thoroughly before climbing Mount Vellenge. You did not. You and Leon had a chance, but it failed to work. Tsu Fai and Mog had a greater chance that finally completed the mission.
"So it was my fault for lessening our chances," Hurdy said, feeling sick again at that.
Then the crystal surprised him. Do not blame yourself. Not even we knew that was enough to make a difference. This victory was won generation by generation, learning small things that built up to a position where Raem could be defeated. Your contribution was valuable: you wrote a poem that greatly simplified the process needed to gain the holy element on a crystal fragment. The task of gaining that key once required a great deal of secret knowledge into how magic works. You made it possible for someone who only knew how to cast magic from magicite or rings to gain the key. You then taught your brother Gurdy the poem, and then Gurdy passed it along to Tsu Fai. Without you, we would still be living under the sickness of miasma.
"Then it was a chain that could not be broken," he said. It was a small relief, but he still felt like he had make up for his deficiency.
There was one other thing about you that helped in some ways and hurt in others. There is a trait you have that makes it far easier for us to speak with you. It is also another cause of what happened when you saw the bridge here. Until you understand that aspect of yourself, it will hold you back more and more. You have the potential for your personality to fragment.
Fragment… he recalled the strange sensation of walking through town without being in control of himself. "It must have happened already. But how does that help me hear you?"
We normally speak on a level that affects the emotions of a mortal being. Unless we take great care, we can unintentionally disturb you. We do not wish to make you afraid of us, so we don't speak much. But due to your fragmented personality, you can shift the emotional disturbance away from your conscious mind. That lets us speak naturally to you.
"Was that something I had to learn or does it just happen?"
Since he was interested, the crystal went into more detail on how that worked. Apparently, he had a great deal of knowledge about magic that most people didn't.
"Kupo! Mail here!" A moogle wearing a checkered vest descended right next to Leon and offered him two envelopes.
He'd just come out from the inn; its keeper had been surprised that they had a guest, but promised to have everything ready by sundown. "Thank you, but how did you know I was here?" he asked the moogle, accepting the two letters. They were both addressed to him, under his real name.
"Moogle magic!" the mail moogle said proudly, his chest all puffed up. "Don't question it! Since you're in town, you can send replies by the town post. Postage on these is already paid, so I hope it's good news! Bye!" He then flew off on other deliveries.
Both of the envelopes were thick, suggesting there was quite a lot to look at. One was from Amidatty; he must have been quite the quick writer to get something like this to him so soon. Or the mail moogle was a truly speedy flier. And the other… the handwriting on it was familiar, and bewilderingly endearing. From… Jona Esla and Leon Jr., his wife and son. He knew that, yet it gave him a chill, a dreadful hollow feeling of knowing that there should be something there, and there was, but there wasn't.
There was also something seemingly engraved in his mind, like something that he wasn't allowed to forget no matter how many other memories slipped through his fingers. Total whiteness and a voice that came from all sides, something he couldn't fight. You will forever be a hollow man, wandering the world without rest, without a place to call home. That is your punishment for daring to go against me.
A rush of energy overcame Leon, with a sense that this was a battle where more than his life was at stake. And here he was with just leather armor, vulnerable and exposed to his enemy. He started to reach for his weapon, searching for a light or some dangerous movement. But, the only light was the sun, shining overhead and sparkling off the stream. There was excited chatter as people strolled down the road. They were unarmed, relaxed and in a joyous mood.
"He's gone now," he said quietly to himself, resisting his battle instincts so he didn't scare them by suddenly drawing his weapon. A beastly bellow nearly got to him a second later. No, that was just a cow, perhaps calling a greeting on seeing someone familiar come back. He was not hollow; he was remembering things now. Leon tried to assure himself with that as he walked to where the crystal should be. Hopefully, that shook off this battle instinct that was falsely triggered.
From the talk of the villagers, the Crystal of Fire now resided here. They were all greatly impressed by what Hurdy had done. Leon felt worried for him again. At the bridge, he had seemed to be Gurdy, albeit in a strange daze like he was half-asleep. But he'd have to be Hurdy to fuse the Crystal into one. Leon had hoped that getting Hurdy (or Gurdy) to head for the Crystal would be enough to keep him safe despite others not realizing what was going on with them. That way, he could take care of normal things like getting an inn room without having to keep an eye on them when they seemed troubled.
And it seemed his hope was right. He found Hurdy by the Crystal of Fire as expected, deep in conversation with it. Not far from there, he spotted Tsu Fai and De Nam by another group of selkies, presumably her family. It looked like things were okay. And when Leon was a few feet from the Crystal of Fire, he felt a relaxing warmth that helped drive off his fit of paranoia. They had to wait on the inn to be prepared anyhow, so it could be best for him to review these letters here.
He sat against the stone path around the crystal and checked Amidatty's letter first, since it wasn't bothering him. There was a small paperback book inside with the title of Principles of Honor. That made more sense of the quick delivery as the letter itself wasn't that long.
'To Leon:
'First, I must apologize you giving you my own test. Hurdy and Gurdy are troublesome to most people, so I wanted to see if you were truly willing to look after and protect them before letting you two go off on your own. Even with the miasma gone, they'd be in serious trouble if they get abandoned on the road yet again. And if you had gone off on your own from Shella, I would seriously doubt your capability to become a paladin. I saw you speaking with Hurdy this morning by the Crystal; that leads me to believe that you do have the right nature for a paladin even with your own difficulties.
Since you are taking them with you, I'll give you some advice on how to handle them. I'm not a great source as I've not studied much on mental maladies, but I have some experiences in dealing with both of them. They do not seem to be aware of each other except as brothers who have not met. Trying to suggest to them otherwise leads to their moods becoming highly unstable, so I'd suggest not doing so unless they manage to make that realization themselves. I have only observed the two personalities myself in him although I believe there is a chance that another one may emerge if another traumatic event occurs to them.
Gurdy is a liar and a con artist, to be frank. Most anything he says has to be taken with a grain of salt. He seems to only care about money, himself, and Hurdy. He says at times that he feels like he should be responsible to his brother's well-being, but doesn't seem to care too much about that. From listening to others and my own observations, I feel like Gurdy is something of a con addict, like a gambling addict who can't resist the lure of cards and dice. He carries out some preposterous scams that risk him being hated when they're revealed (and it's usually not hard to do that). He even realizes the foolishness of his behavior, but he continues doing so.
Hurdy is an idealist to the point of being delusional with it on occasion. Your first trek to Mount Vellenge seems to have made that worse in him. He was more grounded back when he was studying in Shella, if a bit obsessed with his goals. But in the past few years when I've met him, he seems more detached from reality. He is selfless and kind, and he would give away the last of his bannock to another if they were in need even if it put him in a worse position. Yet he is still capable of incredible acts such as what he is doing with the crystals. He would deny being anything more than a preacher, but I'd call him something more holy than a priest, unfortunately to his own detriment.
In the past few years, I've also noticed a darkness in both of them that they can't escape. They might be able to now with Raem out of the picture, but they'll have a harder time than you healing those scars. They'll both try to hide it, but they each had a self-loathing that worsens their condition. Hurdy blames himself for your failure at Mount Vellenge; I've seen several psychotic fits and sudden rants out of him before he faints and becomes Gurdy. And while Gurdy is selfish, he sometimes will admit to being a terrible person who shouldn't be trusted. He also confesses to his crimes more readily than a true con artist. Sometimes, it feels like he's trying to make people hate him. They're more dangerous to themselves than to anyone else.
When you get used to them, you'll be able to tell who you're dealing with quickly. Both of them are very knowledgeable in many fields and that knowledge does focus their thoughts. The simplest way to get either of them to calm down is to let them tell a story or explain something. You can also let them read if you have some books along. With Gurdy, he's thankfully not stubborn and will take rebukes from his bad habits fairly. Hurdy can be more of a problem as he'll frequently need to be reminded to take care of himself. Make sure he's eating well as he will make himself sick with hunger or thirst without realizing it. He was like that even before Raem cursed you both.
Lastly, about what you need to know to become a paladin: Principles of Honor here was written by a paladin who must have been much like yourself. You may keep this copy as I have another. This is the better textbook for you to have, as Path of the Paladin was written by a scholar who worked with a paladin rather than being one himself. They have the same basic ideas, with this one being more practical-minded from someone who lived with a paladin's ethics in everything he did.
As I did hear what you two planned, I've made my own plans with my fiancé to visit the Fields of Fum soon. We'll be there in case Hurdy decides against going to Mount Vellenge with you.
From Amidatty'
Leon glanced over at Hurdy; he was still talking with the crystal. He had observed these things already, but it was good to have confirmation. Also, it was good to know that Amidatty was ready and willing to help if need be. He felt like it was a rare person who'd head off to a whole different town in case his help was needed. Maybe he had other reasons.
Then, the other letter… Leon took a deep breath, then opened up the envelope and took out the letter. It came with some photographs: a wedding photo, something that looked like a knight's ceremony, a series showing a lilty child growing up for a few years. The boy wasn't familiar, although he had some physical traits like himself, and the woman in the photos. And the woman made his heart ache with loneliness even though he hadn't been able to put a face to the name until seeing these photos.
"Jona," he murmured, feeling a lot of things but not sure what it all meant. He bowed his head and closed his eyes. "No, you must have been very dear to me once. I just don't know anything more than what's here in my hands." The thought seemed to settle his mind, so he read the letter.
'Dear Leon:
I was so surprised to hear from you! It's a relief, and yet full of new worries. Are you alright traveling around? I have heard a number of troubling reports about you and it sounded like you were living a nightmare. They said it was too dangerous for me to go out and try to talk to you. Although, I wished I could talk with you. I'd hoped I could do something, but it sounds like there might not have been much I could do for you.
Since the miasma vanished, I've been feeling a lot more cheerful. There's been a gloominess that's been hanging over me that lightened a great deal even before I got your letter. It's a shame that you couldn't regain your memories. But in your words, I can still find your old self. I've missed you so much, but I've found it extremely difficult to talk about you. I couldn't even tell our son that you were the Black Knight. I think everyone else was too polite to tell him either, so he became convinced that the Black Knight killed you. But now I could finally tell him the truth. We were both really happy to hear from you.
Leon Jr is a determined energetic boy, hard for me to keep up with sometimes. He usually isn't a troublemaker, though. As he did know his Poppa is a great knight, he tries to be an honorable man. The other knights have been helpful to both of us, teaching him so he can be accepted as a squire soon and being respectful and watchful over me. They treated me like a knight's widow, so they're glad to hear that you're back.
Are you sure you're going to be fine traveling with Hurdy again? That got you in trouble last time. Although, this decision doesn't surprise me. You were always searching for something great to do for the world, or a way to be acknowledged as a master. You simply felt like the praise you were given was overblown for what you'd done. Perhaps with this, your restlessness will be settled.
I love you, and I hope you come back home soon.
From Jona'
"Maybe it won't be so bad if I go back, even without my memories," Leon said. He still felt that frightening hollowness, but there was a warmth at Jona's words that made the feeling not as painful. He looked back over the photos, trying to make these images familiar.
"I'm sorry if I worried you earlier," Hurdy said suddenly, coming over from the altar. He went ahead and sat down by him.
"Don't worry about it," he said. "Are you better now?"
He nodded, looking over the houses around them. "I'm from this town, actually, not Tida like we were thinking. What we saw must have been from sometime that I traveled. The crystal told me that I saw my parents die at the bridge coming into town. That's why I froze up there."
"But you wouldn't remember that," Leon said. That was something that seemed almost good to forget.
Hurdy sighed softly, then took the crystal pendant off his bag. "Consider this: I think it's half of a clam shell. It should have a matching half." He put his hand over the pendant like that other half. "This used to be a living creature. Can you see it in your mind?"
"I'm not sure what a clam actually looks like, but I think I can," Leon said.
Hurdy took his hand off. "But the clam itself is gone from the world and I don't have the other half of the shell. This half of the shell remains. It is like our memories: they're gone from us like the clam is gone from the shell. But memories are what make up a person. Your experiences build on each other. If the memories are taken out, the shells of that experiences remain. We're something like hermit crabs, living in the shells of our former selves."
Nodding, Leon said, "So you knew something tragic happened there even if you didn't remember what."
He put the pendant back in place. "Exactly. It was very disorienting as my thoughts became frantic, making my body go into a panicked state. Once the crystal told me what happened, I feel calmer since I knew what was missing. When you go back to Alfitaria, you might experience the same thing."
"Perhaps, but I got a letter from Jona that might help," he said, holding it up. "She even sent some photos."
"That's great," Hurdy said, smiling at that. "How are they doing?"
"They're fine, hoping that I come back. I was just thinking that I might; Jona knows me well, better than I do right now." Hurdy was back to looking around the town. "What about you? Would you want to come back here?"
"I don't know about that," he said, putting his arms around his knees. "I don't feel comfortable being here. Hey, may I ask you about something?"
"Sure, what's on your mind?" Leon asked.
"Well it's a strange question," he said, "but you've talked with both me and Gurdy. The crystal told me that I have a fragmented personality. Are we the same person?"
Leon wasn't going to mention it. But since Hurdy brought it up, he nodded. "Yes, I've seen you slip back and forth myself. But you've done so under stress, so I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell you."
"I might not have believed you," Hurdy said. "It's a strange thing to realize that the brother I wanted to meet was with me all along. But it does make sense now that I need to work on understanding myself. I suppose I should write Gurdy about this. What would I even say to myself?"
"Don't you both write each other already?" Leon asked. "I'm sure he'd believe you."
"Oh, the journals!" He grimaced at the thought. "I should have realized something was going on by them, since we write back and forth in the same book. But I always thought it was some spell."
"It might also be Raem's curse that kept you from realizing so until now," he said. "You'll be able to work things out together, I'm sure."
"Thanks," Hurdy said. They stayed up for a while discussing what he and Gurdy should discuss.
