You've got to be kidding me.
How the hell is this possible?
"I'll get you some silverware and stuff," Thomas says with a nod towards the kitchen.
"No, I'm not-I'm just picking up-"
He's gone before I finish, leaving me standing awkwardly next to the booth.
Um… where do I sit? Across from her, so I can talk to her face? Next to her, so she knows I like her?
I must be a frozen mess, because Angelica pats the space next to her. "Here, Laf."
Whew. I gratefully slide in next to her.
"Hi, guys," I say awkwardly. Then, before I can stop myself: "How goes it?"
I just said that out loud.
Peggy laughs quietly. "It goes okay," she replies in that melodic voice of hers. "Et toi?"
Two words, yet her accent is flawless."I thought you didn't speak French."
Her cheeks, ever so slightly, go pink, but she still touches her cheek. "I… didn't."
Then she winks- not at me, but at her sister. I try not to smirk.
"I'm doing fine, I gue…" I trail off as I remember why I'm even here. "Actually… that's a lie. My life's kind of-" I mentally search for the English word- "hectic. Right now."
"Oh?" Angelica tilts her head. "How so?"
I take a deep breath. "Were you on the bridge today?"
The leather seat
The saltshaker
The curl over my sister's ear
My own chipped gold nails
The worn cuffs of his navy sweatshirt
My eyes are
Anywhere
But on his face
What else do I do?
I've never had a boyfriend
Or been on a date
I don't understand the relationship process
Angie listens intently
As he talks about his car
I somehow hear everything he's saying
But none of it clicks
click
Click
CLick
CLIck
...chiiiiiiiiime...
It was… what's the word? Oh, insane. One minute I'm reaching for the handle and then the door just isn't there. Like that."
He snaps to emphasize
*S N A P*
I wince.
CLick
Click
...iiiii...
"You saw that guy too? He almost knocked us off the bridge. Right, Peg?"
She kicks me under the table
I get a lifeline
"Yeah, it was scary."
A smile forms on her lips
It immediately calms my nerves.
She notices
Winks
I keep talking
"See, I was the driver while we were on the bridge," she blurts, warming to the story. "So we're in the middle of the road, and suddenly it's completely cleared so naturally I'm like 'what's happening' and then Angie grabs the steering wheel and yanks it to the right and we get out of the way of the Tesla but we end up basically teetering on the wheels for a good five seconds-" she rocks her hand back and forth to demonstrate- "until we settle down and Angie kinda freaked out after that."
Wow.
I feel like I need to breathe for her.
"I did not freak out," Angelica says indignantly.
Peggy gives her a look as she pulls out her ponytail, pushing a part of her hair over her face.
"Your plantains, Mademoiselle Margarita Reneé Van Rensselaer," Thomas announces with a grand gesture as he sets a bag on the table, rolling the r in "Rensselaer."
I raise an eyebrow, and out of the corner of my eye I hear Peggy inhale sharply. I look over and see that her posture has completely changed.
"Thanks, Thomas," she whispers to the plate. Her eyes are glassy, and she's sitting stick straight.
Thomas just stares at her, puzzled. What are you getting? he mouths to me. Not right now I mouth back. He shoots me a worried look as he leaves.
The moment he's out of view, she slumps in her seat and closes her eyes, breathing shakily.
"What's wrong?" Angelica slides back into the booth, eyes only on her sister. "Peg?"
Peggy doesn't respond.
She goes around and sits next to her."What happened, Laf?"
"I don't know," I say slowly. "Thomas said her name, and-"
"Her full name?"
"I…I think so, and-"
Angelica's copper eyes flash. "I'm going to murder him," she hisses under her breath.
She wraps her arm around Peggy's shoulder. "You're okay, Peg. She's not here anymore."
She?
"Who are you talking about?"
Angelica glares at me. "Nobody. None of your business."
"You can tell him, Angie," Peggy says quietly. Her expression is shadowed by her hair. "I don't care."
"But-"
"It's fine."
Angelica exhales slowly and squeezes her eyes shut.
"Catherine Hollister Reneé Van Rensselaer. Our mother's name."
I'm six
Scribbling on tax papers
With purple crayons
Papa runs over and picks me up
Crumpling the form between his fingers
"Don't let your mother see that."
I'm nine
T-a-p-d-a-n-c-i-n-g
for a talent show
Shu-ffle ball-change, arms swinging
I bow
The audience claps
My father stands
Cheers
My sisters wave
My mother is seated
Lips a thin crimson slash
"I wanted her to do softball."
I'm home
My back pressed to the door
Screaming rolls through my ears
"You have my name, you are my daughters, you will obey"
"I'm changing it the moment I'm old enough"
"Stupid girl, selfish girl"
"Don't you dare hurt my sisters"
Flashes of cold nights hot with anger
Soft palms with hard intentions
Pale fingers with dark nails
Angelica Catherine
Elizabeth Hollister
Margarita Reneé
She's branded her memory
In our names
Our first are our father's choices
Our second belong to her
It's a part of me
I want to tear away
The only part
I can erase
"She left when I was eleven," Angelica explains. "Married Papa for his money-her family was going bankrupt. After Eliza was born, she wanted a boy. A lot."
"She got me instead," Peggy says quietly. I can hear a tremor in her voice. "My name was supposed to be John, after her father."
"She probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place," Angelica says dryly, "but she didn't like Peggy the most."
"The feeling was mutual," Peggy mutters.
I snort. Angelica gives me a look.
"Sorry, it's not funny. Go ahead."
"Anyway. She was…" Angie hesitates. "Not abusive, but… harsh, I guess."
"Cruel?"
She nods. "That's the word. Cruel. Like an evil stepmother who wasn't our stepmother."
I just stare at her. Three years. How have I never known about this?
"What about your father?" I ask, watching her fingers draw figure eights on the table. "Where is he?"
"Papa's in the Air Force," she says with a sigh. "He got called back in. We thought he was finished, but..."
"Why do you still call him 'Papa'?"
Peggy speaks up, her voice quiet and steady. "It's from the NATO phonetic alphabet," she explains.
"Angie!" Thomas yells from the kitchen. "Help me with this!"
"Be right back." Angie slips out of the booth without another word.
Peggy continues. "Anyway, P is for 'Papa.' I actually..." She blushes. "I know the whole thing by heart."
I can't help but smile. "Shoot."
"Angie's the oldest, so he calls her-"
Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
"Eliza looks the most like him, and she has his baking skills, so she's his-"
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
"shirts whenever he had to be somewhere-"
Hotel
India
"he wanted to call our mom-"
Juliett
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
"20th is his birthday"
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Romeo
Sierra
Tango
"his navy blue-"
Uniform
Victor
X-ray
Yankees
"baseball cap all the time-"
"And I didn't want him to call me Mike, so I went with-"
Zulu.
She exhales, pulling her breathing back to normal, and folds her hands.
Mon Dieu. "Do you miss him?"
Her eyes flick up and then down, and I realize she's trying not to cry. "A lot," she whispers. I hear a pop pop and realize she's gripping her hands so hard the knuckles have cracked. There's a slight tremor in her fingers.
"Hey," I say softly. "It's okay." I reach out and place my hand over hers, rubbing my thumb over the base of her wrist. "I know how you feel." I swallow hard. "I… um… I miss my parents too."
Her eyes meet mine. "Are they dead?"
"Yeah." I feel myself getting emotional and take a deep breath.
"I'm just… scared," she says slowly. "That he's never coming back again."
I give her a reassuring smile. "He'll come back for you. And your sisters. I promise."
I feel her fingers stop trembling.
"Thank you, Laf," she says softly. "That helps. I'm… not much of a talker."
That's a shocker. "Wait, for serious? I never would have guessed-"
"Am I missing something?"
We both jump at the sound of Angelica's voice. Peggy's cheeks go pink, which I interpret as her blushing furiously.
"Y'all are so sappy," Thomas drawls from behind a large paper bag.
I let go of Peggy's hand. "Shut up, Thomas."
"We were just talking," Peggy says quickly.
Angie makes a noise in the back of her throat. "Sister not pleased."
"Sister don't care," Peggy shoots back in a mocking tone.
Who is this girl
Who flirts without thinking
Who throws her emotions around
Tossing them off the safety of her shipwrecked mind
With a quick tongue and slow sentences
I think I like her.
~~~
Disclaimer's going at the bottom now. I don't own Hamilton.
