An Eternity
There have been many stressful points in my life – some so much so, that I wanted to completely forget about them – and as I sat on that couch with Paul next to me, I prayed that this would be a day I'd forget.
It was the second day on the trip to Tacoma. Paul all day yesterday had been freaking out about the whole 'mother engaged to a vampire' thing – with very good reason of course – and we hadn't really done much besides the endless cycle in which Paul got so angry he phased into his wolf form, only for me to have to calm him down enough to revert back, only for him to phase once again.
It also came as a mighty shock that the first time he phased back, he was completely naked. That sure was a predicament.
That night we ended up staying at a motel I practically dragged Paul to. Apparently phasing takes up a lot of energy, and he phased so much that eventually he literally couldn't anymore. Luckily enough there was a payphone close by, so I dialed up a cab.
The next morning – after heavily convincing Paul – we returned to his mother's home. Paul had conditions though, and one of them was for Jackson to be out of the house. Paul and Lily then talked for hours, which at one point I eventually fell asleep on the couch in Lily's living room. When I awoke, Paul looked much calmer, though his expression was still hinted with fury, but the overall gloom on his face seemed to mask it well.
He had told his mother about everything. The Quileute legends, the pack, and the fact that he was a werewolf. She didn't seem at all freaked out though – which is understandable. After all, her fiancé was a vampire.
Then Jackson returned, and all the progress Paul seemed to have made with the whole situation vanished. There was a lot of shouting – mainly Paul. Jackson merely stood back, taking it all in as if he were studying each word. Jackson apparently had never heard of werewolves existing, so that came as a surprise to him.
After a while, Paul said the smell was becoming unbearable, to which myself and Lily then went around the house to open all the windows. Jackson seemed to also find relief in this, as Paul seemed to smell like 'wet dog' to him.
The day had been beyond stressful. I gently rubbed Paul's arm, trying my best to keep him relatively calm while Lily and Jackson sat across from us.
"So, um," I was the first to break the lasting silence. "d-do you…" My eyes wouldn't meet Jackson's as the question escaped my lips. "Do you drink blood? L-like human… blood?"
"Technically, yes."
Paul let out a loud hissing sound, his eyes glossing over with rage and his teeth visibly clenching with a shaken rage. I couldn't help the thin line my lips formed into either, not liking the answer one bit.
"But I don't kill to get it." He then added.
He doesn't kill? I thought, as if such a thing were even possible.
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, my occupation is at a local blood bank, so… I just drink from the blood bags – O-Positive of course. The universal donor. We never really seem to run out."
I made an "ah" sound as I sat back, acknowledging what he meant. "that… actually seems similar to the Cullens in a way." I said to Paul. His face turned from fury back to an icy cold gaze.
"The Cullens?" Jackson asked.
I was about to answer his question, but Paul surprisingly beat me to it, though he said it with much more venom then what I would have.
"The Cullens are a group of leeches who live in Forks. We can't kill them because of a treaty our ancestors made with them half a decade ago."
"What kind of treaty?" Jackson seemed to become quite interested in what was to be said, though Paul didn't seem keen to the idea of talking to the man any more than he had to.
"A treaty which prevents them from drinking human's blood under any circumstance." He said, though his voice was so flat with emotion – almost like a robotic answer. At least they were conversing.
"How would they resist drinking blood then?"
"They drink animal blood." I stepped in, noticing how Paul was becoming progressively annoyed by the oncoming questions.
"That's possible?" Jackson was wide-eyed, and now fully engrossed. "I've never heard such a thing."
"Apparently so."
"Animal blood… I bet it must taste very fresh..." He hummed, seeming quite happy with the thought, which only caused Paul to let out another threatening growl. It was incredible how terrifyingly animalistic he could sometimes be.
We relapsed back into an awkward silence. Out of all of us, Lily surprisingly seemed the calmest. We didn't speak of much else after that.
Jackson soon announced of his leaving, saying he had to head into work, which eased my sense of worry quite a bit – but not because I was afraid of the man or anything. I was just scared that Paul might somehow try to attack him and end up getting hurt. We spent the rest of the morning hanging around the house. Lily showed me a photo album she had of Paul throughout the years, so that was quite amusing to see.
It was when I was sitting at the tiny kitchen table, watching Lily cook up stew when she first spoke with me alone – Paul had been upstairs taking a shower.
"By the way Seth, I heard about what happened to your father," She glanced back at me. "I'm really sorry."
"It's alright," I gave a reassuring smile. "It was hard at first, but Paul definitely helped me through it."
This made her smile.
"You two seem very close." She casually said, stirring a wooden spoon into the pot. I glanced at her with a funny expression.
"I mean, of course we are – we are best friends after all."
This seemed to amuse her.
"Seth, you don't have to hide it from me. I'm very okay with it, really." She gave me a warm smile, which only made me even more confused.
"Hide what exactly…?"
"The fact that you and Paul are dating."
I certainly wasn't expecting that, and I could tell that my reaction surprised the woman as well, with my eyes probably popping out of my head as I stared at her across the room, questioning why she would even think such a thing. Was I making my love for Paul too obvious? Is that why she said it? And even more so, if she could see it, why couldn't Paul?
"W-we... M… Me and Paul a-are not dating." My hauntingly scared voice stuttered out. I knew that my face looked practically horrified, and that was since it's possible Lily might tell her son about how head-over-heels I was for him.
"You aren't?" She asked, but as she said it, she wasn't looking at me. I turned my head behind where I sat to glance at a figure now standing in the kitchen doorframe. His gaze lingered on me, and he seemed so confused and… saddened. Quickly the expression flipped, and he had a crooked grin on his face.
"Mom, we definitely are not dating. Clearly I'm way out of Seth's league." Paul joked.
That stung, though he certainly wasn't wrong. He was so unimaginably out of my league that it was pathetic. I could only pray such a thing didn't matter to him.
"Oh, well my mistake." She said unfazed, though Paul seemed to give her the stink eye.
During dinner, Paul seemed quite excited about all the things he had planned for us, and I found myself getting pumped up as well, though the conversation before dinner was still chewing away at me. I felt as if I really weren't good enough for Paul, but that only had me wanting to tell the boy of my feelings. If anything, I just wanted to get things over with. I was tired of tiptoeing around, pretending to see Paul as a friend when he really was something more. I didn't know what my future held, but I just wanted him to be apart of it, and not just in a friend kind of way.
I decided then that I would work up the courage for what was to come. That was easy to do, though. After all, they were just words.
Actually telling him would be the hard part.
We left Lily's house around one, and while I expected us to be taking a cab to wherever we were headed to first on our fun day in the sun, Paul planned otherwise, as he led me into the same woods from yesterday.
"Uh, what are we doing exactly?" I raised a brow.
Paul didn't answer, and instead merely began taking off his shirt and pants.
"Oh, what the shit?" I asked, quickly turning my head away from the sight of him. I would be lying though if I said I didn't immediately glance back.
"If I phase with my clothes on, they'll get ripped to shreds. I like this shirt too much to see it go bye-bye." He shrugged before tossing me the shirt and jeans, though I hazily caught them as my mind had wandered off, wondering how in the hell he felt comfortable to be in a damp forest in just a pair of white briefs. A pair of very white, very fitting set of…
"Liking what you see?" Paul chimed in, his cocky grin plastered so wide onto his face as he had his arms gestured out to show off his body. And for an honest second, the embarrassment I should've felt was non-existent as I stared at his crotch with only one sentence on my mind.
"Wow, those anabolic steroids really did shrink up your junk, huh?"
And finally, for the first time in ever, I basked in the glory of watching that little smug smile wipe from his face as it was recast for a look of complete shock. For the first time in ever, that humungous ego of his was completely crushed.
And that's when I began laughing.
"You're so mean." Paul pouted, turning away and running deeper into the forest. After a moment, the laughs faded into chuckles as I began walking after him, only for him to re-emerge as a wolf.
He did the same thing as yesterday, sitting down onto his stomach as he gave me a look that said, "hop on".
"I mean, not that riding on your back isn't fun, but I thought you had a whole day of human stuff planned out for us?" I asked, kicking one leg over his back. He merely let out a grunt before we were on our way.
Apparently, the reason why Paul phased into a wolf was, so we wouldn't be late for the first activity on our list – a tour bus. I didn't want to sound ungrateful for the work he put into planning, but such a thing did make me question his idea of fun. Paul said that tour buses were "tons of fun!" and that it would give us a few hours of sight seeing while it slowly drove us to our next destination. He really did seem to have the whole day perfectly planned out.
The first bus stop came sooner than expected – we were going on a boat ride. I'd never been on a boat before, so that excited me to an extent, though at the same time was very worrisome.
"So, uh," I spoke up, clearly sounding a bit worried. "do we not get lifejackets?"
Paul looked almost entertained by my anxiousness. "No, Seth."
"Well what happens if the boat sinks! I don't know if I could …" I gazed at the shore, wanting to say what I was thinking out loud, because it was embarrassing to be my age and not be able to swim all that well. Paul knew that already, which made the situation more unbearable.
"Don't worry, lil' pup, we'll be just fine." He said, pulling me into a hug. I was surprised by how easily he was able to show affection with me in public, which to my benefit helped, as the embrace eased my nerves ever so slightly. "And besides, if it does sink, you can just hang off my back while we swim to shore." He whispered.
I smiled at this, though it quickly vanished as I caught a glimpse over Paul's shoulder. An old man was eyeing us, and his face didn't look too pleased by our close contact.
I know that I've had a relatively easy life – especially that of a native American. My family never had money problems, and I hadn't ever really run in to racism, as for all of my life, I've lived on the rez. Though, in saying that, I guess the whole reservation itself was birthed from racism and colonialization. I lived my entire life that way, so I often forgot about that.
But the thing between me and Paul – whatever that thing was – was prominent, and I had to peruse it. And I guess I hadn't really thought of it before, but if I did go down this path, there would be a long and tiring road filled with discrimination. Not everyone would be as accepting and nonchalant about it like those girls at the airport. Case in point, the old man giving us the stink-eye.
"Something wrong?" Paul asked, pulling away. Not wanting an incident to occur, I merely shook my head and smiled.
"Nope."
Despite my crappy luck, the boat didn't sink after all. The ride was quite enjoyable, especially after the seasickness passed. Me practically heaving over the side of the boat was embarrassing, and I cursed my feeble stomach over and over. After docking, the tour bus had shown up, and ready to take passengers once again. We spent a good two hours sightseeing through the wonderous city and through Mount Rainier, and I couldn't have been more grateful, as me and Paul shared a small seat on the bus, and he had his arm casually wrapped around me along with his whole body lightly pushed into mine while he eagerly gazed out the window, pointing to different things and eagerly repeating my name with excitement. The amount of times my heart fluttered when he looked down at me with a big smile was exhilarating. Being within proximity of the boy made my day so much better, and that's what also had my nerves on haywire.
I was horribly nervous because, for all I knew, he didn't like me in a romantic way. And if he didn't, then that would make what I was going to tell him later all the harder. But I had to tell him, because for every second more he pressed into me, and the heat off his body engulfed me like a blanket, the more I was being smothered. I wanted to return those little smiles he constantly gave me. I wanted to return the little spontaneous acts of physical contact he always seemed to give me. I wanted to give him everything, though if I tried too, I feared what I would face was rejection. That's why I had to confront him and tell him about my feelings. I needed to get all this dead weight off my shoulders.
I was frightened to death that he would reject me, and then that would be it. We would stop being friends, and we would cut each other out from our lives. A life without Paul seemed miserable, but I couldn't keep going like this, so if a clean break would start the healing process, then that's just what I'll do.
But maybe a life without Paul wouldn't mean the end. It could mean that I could go to a college without the guilt of leaving him. I would be able to explore these new feelings I've seemed to develop with other guys – maybe even get a boyfriend here or there. But I knew it wouldn't be as harmless as water off a duck's back. If the ladder did happen, I feared it would take years of healing to even get over him.
"And, part two of our three-part day." Paul said in my ear. I merely questioned what he meant, before turning to glance out the window, to which an eye-grabbing sign caught my attention.
We were at a zoo and aquarium.
"Oh, wow." I said in surprise. I certainly didn't expect that. "I've never been to a zoo before… or an aquarium for that matter."
"I know," he smiled. "There's a lot of things you haven't done, huh virgin?"
"Oh, screw off." I playfully pushed him.
After exiting the bus, we made our way to the ticket booth, and Paul so generously insisted that he pay for the tickets. As much as I wanted to fight it, I damn well knew I couldn't afford the admission price. Which then brought back up the question on where Paul seems to get his money from. As far as I knew he didn't have a job.
"Are you excited?" Paul asked as we entered through the gates.
"Of course." I smiled.
The first thing we walked by was a humungous glass wall where there was a small crowd. Through the glass I could spot what looked to be a dolphin swimming freely around the tank. It acted so majestic and free, which was ironic considering it was anything but free.
We continued our journey around the park, stopping at each individual animal cage and fish tank. I saw all kinds of different creatures that I couldn't have possibly imagined seeing in my life. From lions to otters, they all looked incredible. Pictures in textbooks didn't do them justice.
Which only made the whole thing sadder.
"I can't imagine how horrible it feels to be trapped in cages like this." I whispered to the boy next to me.
"It's not too bad. At least they get to live a long life and never be in any danger, right?" He turned to me with a sympathetic face.
"Hmm…" I hummed, not completely convinced. "Well let's turn the tables, how would you feel if you were trapped in there – as a wolf that is."
"Hypothetically speaking? I would just smash through the cage like it was nothing." He said with a crooked grin.
"Okay… well let's say you couldn't do that. What if you had to live in there all your life, how would you feel?"
"Well, if you were there with me, I'm sure I'd be able to do it."
I turned to look at him with what I assumed was surprise.
He was always saying such sweet things to me as if they were nothing, and I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Maybe he was the one being obvious with this whole romance thing, and I was simply being the dummy. Was I not making it obvious?
"You're so full of shit." I laughed, though almost instantly whispered cursed words at myself.
If what I had just said was anything to go by, then no, I was definitely not making it obvious. But I couldn't help it, that's just how I've always been with Paul.
We were approaching the small cafeteria when Paul turned to me.
"Hey, I gotta go… do business in the bathroom. Would you mind getting us food?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah sure."
"Perfect." He responded, reaching into his back pocket to fish out his wallet before tossing it to me.
"There's cash in that. Just get me whatever – and a lot of it." He added, shouting as he sprinted off to the bathroom.
"I could've paid!" I shouted back, though I knew it fell on deaf ears. With a hefty sigh, I made way to one of the food stands. I ordered both my own and Paul's meals. The cashier assumed that I was buying for a whole family, so I went along, not wanting to explain how my best friend had a blackhole for a stomach. When I opened Paul's wallet, I went to fish out some cash, though something had caught my eye. I immediately dismissed it, passing over the cash and taking my order to one of the empty two-seated tables. I placed down the bag full of food before taking my seat and going straight back to the wallet. When I opened it up, it caught my eye once again, and I slowly peeled up the piece of paper sticking out.
I recognised that it was a picture, and even more so, it was of me and Paul. It was the one that I had taken that day back on the beach. Paul had his arms wrapped around me with a big smile on his face, and I too wore a smile that seemed just as bright as his. The emotion I felt knowing that he kept this picture with him all the time was overwhelming, but it wasn't until I flipped the picture over that I stopped breathing completely.
It was just words written in a red marker.
Me and Seth.
But that wasn't the shocking part though. What was shocking was the fact that there was a tiny – and kind of badly drawn – heart next to our names.
And if that wasn't enough conformation, then I would've been a complete dumbass.
Paul liked me. I was one-hundred percent positive he liked me in the most romantic way possible, and the longer I stared at the words, the more I felt myself becoming more on the verge of jumping with joy. But the question still stood.
Why hasn't he told me yet?
If he liked me, that means he clearly imprinted on me, so that means we were practically destined to be together. So, what gives?
I didn't have much time to think about it as the man himself was approaching where I sat. I quickly stuffed the picture back in the wallet and placed it down on the table.
"Hey, what'd you get us?" He asked.
"J-just uh, just a few b-burgers and fries for you. I also got fries." I mentally wanted to scream. I was acting like a stuttering idiot. I didn't realise how badly my hands were shaking either – or the rest of my body for that matter.
Paul caught onto this and his brow furrowed. "You cold?"
"N-not really."
He rolled his eyes, before shaking out of his jacket. He then walked around and plopped it down onto my shoulders.
"Thanks." I mumbled, not looking him in the eye.
"No prob, lil' pup."
We ate our meal in silence. Paul probably thought nothing of it, but I did. I was more nervous than I ever had been in my entire life. I had to tell him that I liked him. There was absolutely no chickening out for this once in a lifetime thing.
After our meal, we wandered around the zoo for a little while more, though Paul soon led me away from the scene. We walked out of the gates and made a left. He said something about this being "Part three", and as I wondered what activity would be next, praying it wasn't something strenuous, as I didn't think I had much energy left in me.
What Paul led me to was a beach – a beautiful one at that.
"And welcome to Owen beach." Paul announced, gesturing with his arms.
"Wow…" I breathed, looking across the lake, seeing different islands and taking what was quite possibly the most beautiful sunset I've seen, though maybe it was just my mind playing tricks, as I subconsciously wanted this moment to be perfect.
"Yeah, I came here with my parents a lot as a kid." He then let out a laugh. "I always remembered thinking, 'I wondered if Seth would like this as much as the La Push beach.'" He then turned to me with a soft gaze. "Well?"
I looked at him with an aching heart. "It's beautiful."
He looked at me for a long moment with the most genuine smile I'd seen on him. "Yeah… It is."
We gazed at each other for what felt like an hour, and with each passing second, I knew what was coming. "Water off a duck's back." I mumbled to myself.
"Paul." I said, my voice not faltering in the slightest.
"Yeah?" He asked, his eyes lighting up ever so slightly.
I took a deep breath, before finally letting it out.
"I love you."
And if looking into each others' eyes seemed like a mere hour, the next few seconds after I said those three words felt like an eternity.
Everything seemed to stop, but I knew that my mind had just gone into overdrive, thinking of every single outcome that this could possibly go. And out off all the ways I thought of, Paul said the one thing I wouldn't've expected.
"I know." His voice came out like a whisper.
My racing mind seemed to come to a full stop, and after seconds of dead air, I was completely and utterly confused.
"You did?" I asked, my voice now back to shaky.
"Of course!" He said, before walking up. He gazed down with an expression so full of love that it made me feel weak. "I love you too. You're my best friend."
Oh shit, I thought to myself. Well that was my fault for not being clearer.
"N-no, Paul. I… Like, I-I'm in love with you."
I looked down at the ground as I said those words, as I was too scared and embarrassed to look at him in the face. Moments passed, and nothing was said. When my eyes shifted back upwards, I was met with a face of complete shock.
"W-what did you just say?" He asked, though his tone sounded more hard than questioning.
"I-I…" Now I was scared. He didn't seem happily surprised. He didn't even seem confused. He just looked like stone – so cold and hard.
"Did you just say… you're in love with me?"
"Yes..." I mumbled, unable to take my eyes off the expression he wore. "Do you… love me?"
The marbled face he wore slowly melted into shock once again. Time no longer was evident at that moment, as every passing breath felt like forever. I didn't even know how long we've been standing there on the beach. Paul tried mouthing words, but nothing seemed to come out, until finally he let out a ragged breath.
"No."
My heart had only been crushed twice in my life. The first was that day back on the beach when Paul had ended our friendship, and the second was also on the beach, where Paul and I sat in my truck as he told me the news that my father was dead, so it was pretty ironic for it to once again happen on a beach, and neither of the other two times compared to right now.
I was so close to breaking, but I didn't let myself. I didn't want to show weakness in front of him. I didn't want him to feel any guilt. So instead I silently nodded, before turning my body towards the ocean.
Everything that I thought to be true suddenly turned out incorrect, and there were no words to even describe how crushed I felt. The weight on my shoulders had shattered, and shards cut into me so deep I felt as if though I were somehow bleeding. I was so confused. I thought that that picture in his wallet finally proved how much he loved me, but I guess I'd been misjudging what kind of love that really was.
"But hey," He spoke up in a hopeful voice. "We can still be best friends, right?"
"Who did you imprint on?" I asked him, ignoring the question. My voice sounded so drained… so dead.
It took him a minute to process my question. "What?"
I turned my head to the boy. "I know you imprinted on someone – I read it in your journal. Leah already told me what imprinting is, and I know Sam imprinted on Emily. So, I want to know who you imprinted on."
He looked to be shaking now, but not in a way that it looked like he was about to phase, but more like quivering.
"Don't make me say it." He whispered with a voice that sounded on the verge of tears.
And once again, I was confused.
"Who?" I asked again, though this time turning my full attention towards him. He looked at me with such a scared expression, as if answering such a question would somehow destroy him.
Scared soon turned angered, and he gave me a cold glare while his shaking only seemed to worsen. "You damn well know who." He hissed out.
My eyes widened, as all I could do was look at him with an expression of pure bewilderment. "N-no… I really don't know who. Who is it, Paul?" I asked, approaching him with an outdrawn hand. He sheered away from it, as if my touch would somehow burn him.
"Seth, are you that much of a moron? Are you actually this oblivious?"
The question has shocked me, but slowly I became aggravated.
"Excuse me?" I asked, not appreciating his disdainful tone.
"I imprinted on you." He said as if he were stating the obvious, which had taken me back.
Was he joking? I honestly couldn't tell anymore. The more time passed, the more everything seemed to not make sense.
"I-I don't understand what's happening." I said truthfully. "You imprinted on me?"
"Yes!" he said, flinging his arms up in exasperation.
"Wait so, you imprinted on me, but you aren't in love with me?" I asked, trying to make sense of all of it.
"I… SHIT." He cursed, viciously gripping his head while he clenched his eyes shut. "Why are you trying to ruin this?" He whined.
"Ruin what!"
"This! Us! Christ, Seth I just…" He seemed to be at a loss for words. "Seth, I'm so unbelievably in love with you."
My eyes widened, and I felt my heart skip. But the moment of happiness didn't last long, as I only continued my line of questioning.
"Then why did you say you weren't?"
"Because…. Because…." He stopped, before crouching down, his hands covering his eyes. I watched, and as seconds past, the only thing that came from the boy was quiet sobs. I gaped at the scene before me. I knew I had to do something. I had to comfort him at least, so I crouched down next to him and wrapped my fingers around his wrists.
"Paul, look at me." I whispered. He didn't seem to want to cooperate, so I asked again. "Please, Paul, look at me and tell me what's wrong."
Slowly but surely, he looked up, and his bloodshot, tear-filled eyes bore into mine.
"I just don't want to mess this up." He whimpered.
"Mess what up?"
"Us. I mean, you love me, and I love you, but what if one day – for some reason – you don't love me anymore? I just… I can't live without you, Seth. I can't."
"And you're not going to have to." I said with a light laugh. "Paul if we do this, I'm in it for the long run."
"You don't know that for sure." He sniffled.
"Yes, I really do." I confessed. "I dunno, I guess… I guess I always knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, but it wasn't until a couple months ago that I really accepted it. Hell, I spent a straight month trying to find out what was going on with you and why you stopped being friends with me. I was so determined to get you back.
"When you finally did come back, I knew that I couldn't let you go. I couldn't let you slip away again, and that's when I accepted that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you."
I waited for him to take in my words, and to try and think of a response, but as his two hands slowly rose towards me, they held my face steady, and I knew what was coming.
"Can I?" He asked.
"Yes." I responded.
And then he drew his face close to mine, and we kissed.
AN: Aaaa, sorry this took almost TWO months to post. I've honestly been really worried with how this chapter would turn out, so i think subconsciously i was putting off working on it, so I hope it wasn't a hot steaming pile of trash to read.
THEY FINALLY KISSED oh how i dreamed of this moment. When I was writing the very end, I actually sat back in my chair and smiled because of how happy it made me, so that was funny.
THANK YOU so much everyone for continuing to read this story. I always smile every time I get messages from y'all telling me to update quicker because y'all enjoy it so much. It really does mean the world to me.
