Dustbowl, Stage 2
He made it clear about the warning, stay away from the two Freaks and live. The mercenaries heeded the wiser words, and distanced themselves. Now all Christian Brutal Sniper had to do was wait until Stu Pidface decided to show up. The murderous Freak sat on a rooftop, sharpening his Tribalman's Shiv and Half-Zatoichi to the point of being able to slice a hair in two just by falling on it. He grinned at the thought of sticking his blades into living flesh, then slowly chopping at it. Christian Brutal lived for the slaughter; it was who he was made to be.
"Now to kill that skinny bastard." Christian growled.
"Hello, Sniper!" Stu shouted. Christian Brutal turned slowly and saw the skinny Freak bent over next to him, picking his nose and scratching his butt. Actually it was the other way around… gross.
"You're in big trouble, Stu Pidface." Christian sneered. "You broke the rules and sided with a team. The Administrator wants you to suffer for misconduct, mate." Stu scratched the top of his head, his mouth crooked and his gaze seemed lost.
"What you say?" Stu moronically asked. Christian clutched the bridge of his nose and let out an irritated sigh.
"You fouled up, and I'm gonna bloody kill you!" He shouted, spiraling his twin swords and crossing them in an 'x' formation.
"Oh! Stu is stupidest man!" Stu said, palming his face. "We are to have Freak Fight! Very well." Stu brought his hands to his face, stuck his thumbs in his mouth, and blew. Much like in an old cartoon, his hands grew like balloons, but became hard as stones. Dropping into a combat stance, Stu raised his fists and was ready to fight.
Freak Fight: Stu Pidface vs. Christian Brutal Sniper
FIGHT!
Stu charged at Christian, swinging his fist with full might, but Christian quickly rolled to the side. However, he remembered the fight was on the roof, and clung with all he could to the shingles. Stu walked over to where Christian was clinging, pulled a cork on his hands to deflate them, and retrieved a feather from his back pocket. Christian looked in fear, fully aware that Stu was going to exploit the universal weakness. The reality-bending Freak stretched his arm so that the feather rested under the slaughterer Sniper's armpit. The feather began to move back and forth under the arm, and Christian tried his hardest not to give in, but to no avail. To escape the dreaded feather, Christian had to pull one of his arms away, but Stu moved to the other one, now that he'd be substantially weaker. Christian reached into his coat pocket and held a wooden bat in his hand.
*CLONK*
The feather gently floated to the ground, but Stu fell downwards like a rock thanks to the large bump on his head. He crashed atop a large Mann Co. crate, spilling out the contents of small packing pellets and a blue beret. The BLU Spy witnessing this decided to take advantage of this situation and steal the hat.
"Thank you, monsieur." The BLU Spy thanked Stu, the latter raising a thumbs up, before bolting after the rest of his team. Christian leaped off the roof, holding an Axetinguisher above his head. Stu rolled away, just as the axe impacted the dirt, and barreled onto his feet. Christian rose, his normally manic grin replaced with an annoyed scowl. He tossed the axe like a Tomahawk, but Stu ducked and the axe instead took off the head of an unfortunate RED Scout. Stu turned to laugh at the funny situation, but was taken by surprise when a searing heat punctured the top of his head. Looking up, he saw a Sharpened Volcano Fragment embedded in his head, with Christian Brutal Sniper holding the hilt. To any normal person, they'd be dead and/or on fire. However, Stu was no normal person.
"Stupid, I am made of FIRE!" Stu shouted. Christian leaped backwards just as Stu's body burst into flames. The Freak's body had been consumed in fire, thanks to his ability to ignore the rules of all reality. Christian was at a disadvantage here, for not even the strongest of Freaks are flame retardant and none of his weapons could put the flaming Freak out. Maybe if he had Cryo or Medizard with him this could be solved easily, but instead Christian had to make due. Scanning the area, Christian saw something cold he could use to put out the fire. Stu was simply sitting on the side, smoking a sausage he roasted himself, when something splattered on his face and extinguished his fiery form. Stu lifted his tongue to his cheek to taste the splatter, and immediately recognized the contents.
"Cupcake?" Stu queried. Licking his cheek again, then running his finger on the stain and gazing at the sky blue icing.
"Yes, it's a bloody cupcake." Christian groaned. "We aren't in Well, so I had to improvise, bugger." Stu shrugged his shoulders, scooped the cupcake off his head, ate most of it, and flicked some icing onto Christian's sunglasses. When Christian wiped the blue gunk off his shades, his face was impacted by a large wooden picket sign. He flew backwards, skidding on the dirt before coming to a stop and regaining his composure. Stu leaped to the top of a building, standing next to a pile of colorfully wrapped presents. The building was too tall to climb, and Christian didn't have the jumping capabilities to make it that high.
"Good luck trying to kill Stu from down there, little Sniper!" Stu heartily laughed. He kicked down a present down to where Christian stood. The Sniper caught the present, then carefully held an ear towards it.
*tick* *tick* *tick*
Christian Brutal Sniper heaved the wrapped death trap with all his might as far away as he could, landing in a distant area. Elsewhere, a BLU Soldier and BLU Pyro found a colorful present and began fighting over who got the contents. The gift was knocked over, revealing a large bomb labeled boom in big bold letters attached to a timer with five seconds remaining. The two quickly ran and shoved the presents to a RED Medic, right as soon as it exploded and created a large crater where the German Doctor once stood.
Stu's overconfidence of being able to evade Christian was boisterous, but incredibly foolish. Christian's scowl returned to the normal grin as he reached behind his back, and pulled out a large gun. It was a Liberty Launcher rocket, only instead of rockets as ammunition, an entire five quivers worth of arrows was loaded within. Stu's jaw literally dropped to the floor when he saw Christian Brutal Sniper's secondary option, the deadly Arrow Bazooka.
"Stand still, you bloody wanker!" Christian shouted. He pulled the trigger and a volley of arrows fired at the building, yet all of them directed towards the rooftop. Stu narrowly dodged and evaded several arrows, all flying at alarmingly fast paces, and practically caused his attacker to waste over $400 worth of arrows. Just as Stu stopped to gloat, one more arrow was fired, and it impacted right in Stu's left knee. He toppled over, falling like Goliath being felled by David, and plummeted to the ground with a loud thud. Once the dust cleared, Christian saw Stu laying in a broken heap, for not even he could withstand a fall from fifty stories. He walked over to his injured target, unsheathing a military shovel and held spiked knuckles in his hand.
"If you make one," Christian snarled, kicking Stu in the stomach. "F***cking," He kicked again, this time in the ribs. "Joke about the arrow," Another kick, this time to the face. "I'll rip out all your innards, rip out your spine, hang you from your own intestines, and impale you with your own vertebrae!" Christian finally stomped on Stu's stomach, causing him to cough up blood. Stu was dying, he knew he had been beat. Christian held a Tribalman's Shiv to Stu's head, etching closer to his injured prey. "Any last words before I gut ya and then burn your corpse?"
"Yes," Stu mumbled, his voice no longer happy-go-lucky, but now dead serious. Stu grabbed Christian Brutal Sniper's arm, and removed his own shades. "Do not let rules decide you, make your own." Stu collapsed on the ground, giving off his final breath. Christian sat silently for a moment, contemplating what his foe said. He then dropped the weapons, lifted Stu onto his shoulder, walked into a tall wooden building and laid him down. Christian lifted a large gasoline canister, poured it on Stu's corpse, and then drenched himself. He reached for the cigarette Stu had been smoking, slowly growing dim, and picked it up. He held the stub in his hand, and closed his palm.
"BLU Team has achieved victory." The Administrator droned. The BLUs stood on the final control point of the area, reveling in the glory of the fight and standing triumphant on the fallen REDS. Their moment of glory was stopped when they smelled smoke. They all turned and saw an entire building had gone up in flames, creating a pillar of fire and a cloud of smoke that blanketed the whole sky. The battle of the Freaks had ended, but the victor unknown. Most stood quiet, others removed their hats in a solemn bow. A battle had been won today, on both sides, but at what cost?
