Well
RED Base
Scout scooted himself away across the wooden floor, bruised and battered as the Bugler loomed ever closer, his vertical mouth dripping saliva across jagged teeth. He looked frantically around for his gun, which was knocked out of reach when he tried to contact the other REDS. He scorned himself for making such a stupid decision. Sound travels, dummy! The Bugler towered over him, grasping his shirt collar and hoisting him in the air.
"Doof tsaf emos rof emit." The Bugler evilly chuckled. Scout began blubbering as the monster slowly brought his grotesque face close to his own, the scent of human flesh and blood flowing out of his mouth. As Scout was inches away from the nightmare teeth, a fist collided with the Vagineer's face. The Bugler released his grip on Scout, the force of the punch slamming him into a wooden wall. Scout looked up, shocked at the familiarity of his savior: a RED Soldier with his helmet tilted slightly upwards, a ferocious look in his eyes.
"Painis Cupcake?" He wondered out loud. The aforementioned Freak turned his head, his neck clicking like a shotgun.
"Get out of here, Scout," He ordered. "This is gonna be one helluva fight." Not one to argue with a Freak that knocked his head clean off his shoulders, Scout leapt from the floor, grabbed his pistol, and bolted out the door. The Bugler pulled himself out of the wooden hole in the wall, grumbling and rubbing his slightly bruised cheek.
"Sllab eht sah ohw?" He growled. He looked up, recognizing his longtime rival, meeting him with a hate-filled chuckle. "Siht ta kool. Ekacpuc Gab-hcnup." He strode a little in the hall, not once breaking eye contact with Painis.
"Hello, Bugler." Painis snarled, raising his fists in fighting position. "Looking repulsive as ever, I see."
"Rehtona eno was ew emit stal eht saw nehw?" The Bugler queried. "Ihgir ho! Noynac a onti pord toof derdnuh-owt a ffo em werht dna Rruhpyns dellik lla'y!" He clenched a gloved fist, shaking it violently.
"You hurt one of my friends," Painis said, hate and bile taking his voice. "And my pride as well. I beat you once, and I can do it again!" The Bugler appeared to be smiling, raising his arm and pulling it back.
"Ekacpuc, si htuom ruoy erehw yenom uoy tup." He replied. He thrust his fist forward, and like a rocket, his entire hand shot off his arm, connected by a sinewy rope, jettisoning towards Painis. Before the body projectile could impact, a rapidly flying nail shot through the air, impaling the Bugler's hand and pinning it to the wall. The Bugler yelped in surprise, turning his head towards the source. A sharp pain took his left eye as another nail sailed through the air and pierced through his goggles and eyeball, causing the Bugler to scream in pain. Painis turned to see Weaselcake, his entire body a solid blue color and his stomach area inflated like a balloon.
"Nice save, Weaselcake!" Painis cheered. The Bugler redirected his focus from his profusely bleeding eye towards Weaselcake, who just returned to his normal color.
"Niaga uoy?!" The Bugler growled, tugging at the nail in his eye. "Gnihtemos ro rehtegot era Siniap dna ouy?" He felt a sharp pain is his left hand as Painis ripped the rope from the Bugler's impaled hand, turning just as the sinewy rope left a stinging slap across his face.
"You got that right, Funk-face." Painis said, chewing a bite out of the hand. Weaselcake teleported next to his cannibalistic ally, a stern look on his face.
"Surrender now, Bugler," Weaselcake ordered. "And maybe you won't end up in Maximum Detention for the rest of your days." The Bugler paused as his arm regenerated, completely clean of blood and flesh, raised a finger to his chin, contemplating his options. Options A and B weren't his type, so he instead opted for Option C.
"Epon." He stated. At speeds that would make a gunslinger jealous, the Bugler shot his arms at Weaselcake and Painis. While Painis was fast enough to dodge, Weaselcake's face was grasped by the Bugler, pulling his victim backwards. The Bugler quickly released Weaselcake just as he was close enough, and jammed his knee into the Sniper Mutant's face. His head was bent upwards, his chin bloodied from the impact.
Outside, an explosion shot from the RED Base, rattling both the REDs within the base and the BLUs hiding on the outside.
While the Bugler was laughing at his downed foe, Painis sprang up the ceiling, and began scuttling along like a spider. He pounced down from the ceiling, landing atop the distracted Bugler and lifting Weaselcake back up. As the Floating Freak shook himself clean, he gave a thankful smile to his cannibal friend. The Bugler stood up, bellowing at the top of his lungs in a fit of rage. He threw himself at the two Freaks in a flurry of punches, Weaselcake teleporting away while Painis continued to dodge and weave between the hits. The Bugler got lucky with one shot, striking Painis between his ribs, causing the recipient to double over in pain. Before the Vagineer could deliver another blow, Weaselcake inflated his stomach, turned a light green, and focused heavily on the Bugler. Just as the Bugler nearly brought his fist down, he felt every fiber of his body freeze up, unable to move. He noticed his entire form was enveloped in a light green color, fully aware of Weaselcake's color-coded abilities.
Using telekinesis, Weaselcake flung the Bugler off Painis' chest, off the upper balcony and onto the ground outside, in full view of all 18 mercenaries that had gathered to watch in their individual bases. The BLUs were all camped out in the Central Control Building, watching from atop the roof with starry eyes. The REDs, on the other hand, were all grouped at the very bottom of their base, each sporting a severe injury that the RED Medic was doing his best to treat. BLU Engineer was still with them, trying to find a way back to his comrades, but the fighting had blocked any attempt at getting back. Although, the mission was still on, and the REDs were too focused on the Freak Fight to pay attention to anything else. Even if no one knew where the Administrator was based, even she was too invested in the fight to comment on the action. Giving one last look to his companions across the river and at the REDs, BLU Engineer chuckled as he slowly crept away from the battle.
The Bugler was being shook violently in the air in Weaselcake's telekinetic grasp, the grip so strong not even he could break free. While Weaselcake toyed with his foe some more, Painis reeled his legs back, building up a high powered jump. Tapping Weaselcake on the shoulder, Painis gave a signal that forced the Mutant Freak to hold the Bugler in midair. With a mighty leap that created a crater where he once stood, Painis jumped in the air and collided his fist with the Bugler's face. The target was released from Weaselcake's grasp and he slammed down into the cement below. Painis landed with a thud next to Weaselcake, whooping in victory.
"Put her there, son!" Painis said, raising his hand for a high five. Weaselcake's eyes shifted around, unable to properly move his arms due to his mutations. He eventually settled on using his stiff leg to high five Painis, chuckling mirthfully.
"I told you I could kill him." He said. Painis stopped laughing, staring directly at Weaselcake.
"Excuse me?" Painis scoffed. "I was the one who jumped two stories and punched him into the concrete."
"Well, I held him still for you and weakened him with my powers." Weaselcake retorted. "You wouldn't have been able to lay a scratch on him if I didn't hold him still."
"So what?!" Painis snarled, pressing his face against Weaselcake's. "I beat him by myself on my own before, I didn't need your help!" As the two Freaks were bickering, BLU Spy looked towards the crater where the Bugler lay under a heap of rubble. He noticed the rubble slightly shaking, bringing concern to rise.
"Should we tell zem zat ze Bugler isn't dead?" He asked to his ignorant teammates. The rest of the BLUs just watched the quarrel continue, while the pile was steadily rising. Just as Painis and Weaselcake nearly came to blows, the ground burst open with a furious-looking Bugler rising high into the air.
"Enod tnecrep ytfif dna derdnuh-eno dna Ha!" He roared. Landing on his feet, the Bugler reached into his back pocket, and pulled out an item feared by a great many Freaks: a slightly worn Bugle. While Painis and Weaselcake felt the blood drain from their faces, all the other mercs were just confused.
"A bugle?" RED Scout asked. "Why the hell does he have a bugle?"
"He's the Bugler for a reason, laddie." RED Demoman said, taking a swig of his drink. The Bugler raised his instrument to his mouth, and blew a loud note that echoed throughout the facility. Weaselcake teleported away into a secure location, while Painis dived behind a pair of boxes.
"Get out of here before he destroys you!" Painis barked to both the REDs and BLUs. His warning was too late. A large shadow appeared in the sky above the Bugler, slowly drifting down towards the ground. Floating in midair was a gigantic BLU Sniper torso, with the arms, legs, and head missing all together, aside for a pair of two massive hands protruding from the sides of its waist. It was a peculiar sight, but one that instilled fear into the hearts of all who saw its horrendous majesty. The ungodly being hovered towards the Bugler, and began speaking in a garbled, incomprehensible language, in which the Bugler responded in his usual dialect. Painis peaked his head out from behind the crates, fear sparkling in his eyes.
"Snyphurr..." He muttered. "The Unholy God..." Once the conversation between the two frightening Freaks was concluded, Snyphurr lowered his torso to face the REDs and BLUs, as a bright red light lit up from where his neck would be. Then... all hell broke loose. Snyphurr revealed his true, horrific face with a blood-curdling scream that shook the foundations of the earth. The true face of Snyphurr was a nightmarish sight that it would be impossible to even attempt to describe with words. All the mercenaries that saw the horrific image of Snyphurr's face screamed in fear and agony, the image burning into their minds. The sight was so horrendous, all who witnessed it were turned to stone, frozen as statues for as long as the mighty Freak God still stood. The only ones left were Weaselcake, Painis Cupcake, and the BLU Engineer, whom had been hiding inside the RED base, working more like a Spy to capture points.
The Bugler threw his head back, cackling an insane laughter, while Snyphurr merely floated in midair. Painis looked around for his partner, finding him hiding behind a train cart. Looking at said train-cart, he got an idea on how to defeat the Bugler and his big pet. He quietly slithered away from the statues, sneaking towards Weaselcake and joining him behind the train.
"Okay, I've got a plan," He said. "You keep Snyphurr distracted, while I lure that Vagineer to the train tracks. They should still be running, and right as the come, BAM!" He concluded by pounding his fists together. "Got it?" Weaselcake gave an agreeing grunt, teleporting away from the cart. Painis, meanwhile, leapt atop the train, and whistled loudly. The Bugler and Snyphurr directed their attention to the source of the town, only to be greeted by the sight of Painis Cupcake flipping them a pair of birds. The Bugler growled, waving Snyphurr off and bounding towards his rival. Whilst the two engaged in a fist fight, Weaselcake teleported before Snyphurr, hovering below the massive Freak.
"Hello, brother." Weaselcake said.
Freak-Lopedia
Snyphurr
Snyphurr is a Demonic BLU Snyphurr Freak God, created by Youtuber Clovernoodle. Snyphurr was once a normal BLU Sniper before being turned into a Freak "God" by Doc Jarate via a ritual. He was then banished to another realm of existence, only able to be summoned by an artifact known as the Bugle. The Bugler Vagineer is the only one in possession of said artifact, and treats Snyphurr as an underling and special weapon. Vagineers worship Snyphurr as a god, being considered the most feared and powerful Freak known. Snyphurr has the ability to turn any living creature to stone if they gaze upon his true face. The only way to reverse the effects is for Snyphurr to be defeated. Snyphurr also uses his massive size to ram and crush smaller foes, and can summon Three-Rune Blades to home on targets and kill enemies. It has been revealed that Snyphurr is also the long-lost brother of Weaselcake.
