Harley Quinn awoke sleepily, shutting her eyes again and rolling over to embrace the figure on the bed next to her. "Good morning, handsome," she purred.

"Uh…good morning," said the man in bed next to her, clearly surprised by the affection. And Harley's eyes snapped open as she realized that voice wasn't Mr. J's.

"Oh my God, who the hell are you and what are you doing in my bed?!" she shrieked, leaping away from him and screaming when she saw who it was as he rolled over to face her.

"I'm sorry," said Two-Face, backing away from her, hastily. "There's no need to scream – I get it, it's a mistake again, so I'll just go…"

"Harvey…what on earth…" began Harley, staring at him in horror. "Why would we…we ain't…you ain't ever been attracted to me, have you?"

"Uh…yeah…we used to date, Pam," said Two-Face, staring at her. "Is everything ok? Are you feeling alright?"

"Pam?" repeated Harley. "I ain't Pam, I'm…"

But she trailed off when she noticed that her skin was green. And she suddenly felt a strange sensation flowing through her body, like another sense seeming to come from the air around her, which buzzed with strange whispers. This only added to her confusion, but in between that was the realization that somehow she and Ivy had switched bodies, probably due to Tetch's meddling again.

"Aw, geez, you couldn't leave well enough alone, could ya?" she muttered, pulling up the blankets to cover herself.

"I'm sorry," repeated Two-Face, climbing out of bed. "I'm sorry – I should have left you alone, but you actually called me, and the coin said…"

"No, no, Harvey, I ain't talking about you," interrupted Harley. "You don't have to rush outta here, but this is gonna be…a little difficult to explain."

She cleared her throat. "I'm…actually Harley. Red and I have switched bodies temporarily, probably because of Jervis – he was the guy who caused it last time, when Mr. J and Bruce Wayne switched bodies."

"Oh…yeah…Bruce told me about that," said Two-Face, slowly. "Said it was tied with his parents' death for the worst day of his life."

"He should be so lucky to have half an attractive a body as Mr. J," sniffed Harley.

"I guess you really must be Harley – I can't see Ivy actually complimenting anything about the Joker," said Two-Face.

"Yeah, she's gonna be furious when she wakes up next to him," said Harley, nodding. "Mr. J probably won't be in a frisky mood though – he rarely is in the mornings, or at any other time. Which is lucky for her, because if she saw him naked, she'd obviously want him, and then I'd have to kill her," she added, seriously.

"Uh…ok," said Two-Face, slowly. "Um…anyway, this is kinda weird, so I'm just gonna go get dressed and leave…"

"No, Harvey, I feel bad for giving you such a rude awakening," said Harley. "Let me make you breakfast, how about that? It'll be just like Red never left."

"Actually, she doesn't usually make me breakfast," said Two-Face, slowly. "She usually just tells me to go, that this was a mistake, and that I should remind her of the mistake the next time she calls me. Which I always do, but then she always tells me to forget she said that."

"Geez, you guys got kinda a turbulent relationship, huh?" asked Harley. "That's kinda sad – it must be hard not having the security of a normal, stable relationship."

"Well, you would know," said Two-Face, nodding.

"Yeah, I would," agreed Harley. "Me and Mr. J are just rock solid. It's true love, and it'll last forever."

"Uh…huh," said Two-Face, slowly. "I actually meant…never mind," he finished. "Anyway, I don't wanna put you through all the trouble of cooking, Harley…"

"It's no trouble," said Harley, reaching for the robe on the floor. "I make breakfast for Mr. J all the time. And like I said, it just seems fair after the fright I gave you. Trust me, I've been there when Bruce Wayne was in Mr. J's body – it was awful. I mean, I know Bruce is your friend, Harvey, but he's kinda a grump. Reminds me of Batman a lot."

"I think that was probably just because he woke up in the Joker's body," said Two-Face. "I know you're a fan, Harley, but not a lotta guys probably want to suddenly find themselves as notorious, wanted supercriminals with permanent skin conditions. I know I didn't," he muttered, reaching for his clothes.

"Yeah, but you're a lot better now, Harv," said Harley, nodding. "The exterior of a person doesn't really matter – it's what's inside that counts. Except when you've switched bodies with someone, because then your interior isn't what it should be and neither is your exterior, and it just messes everything up. It feels really weird to be in a body that isn't your body…"

As she stood up, she suddenly lost her balance and faltered. "Are you ok?" asked Two-Face, rushing over to her.

"Yeah, just a little off-balance," she said. "Red's a little top heavy compared to me. And I feel slightly disoriented…" she said, putting her hand to her head and looking around. "Is it just me, or do you hear a lotta whispering?"

"Uh…no," said Two-Face, concerned.

"It must be Red's plants trying to communicate, but I don't really understand what they're saying," said Harley, shutting her eyes. "It's just a lotta noise. And it's really distracting…giving me kinda a headache…"

She shook her head. "Focus, Harley," she said. "And let's get that breakfast started."

"Harley, really, we should probably get you to Tetch so he can fix this as soon as possible…" began Two-Face.

"And miss the most important meal of the day?" asked Harley, as she headed into the kitchen. "Not on your life! You won't have the energy to face the day without it. Now let's see what Red's got," she said, opening the cupboards hoping to find some chocolatey cereal or other sugary breakfast item. She was dismayed to see nothing of the sort – sugar being a kind of plant, Ivy tended to refrain from consuming it. There was bacon and eggs in the fridge, however, so Harley shrugged, taking those out and reaching for a frying pan.

"You know I didn't grow up eating bacon, but I've really got a taste for it now," she said, continuing to chat cheerfully as she cooked. "I was raised Jewish, but I've lapsed in that and pretty much every other aspect, but don't tell my parents!" she laughed. "You remember my parents? They came to Arkham once…"

"Yeah, nice couple," said Two-Face, who was eyeing the plants circling the table suspiciously. "Uh…Harley, can you do something about these things?" he asked.

"I can try," said Harley, turning to face them. "Shoo," she said, waving her hand at them. "Go away. Leave Harvey alone."

It seemed to work, for the plants slithered off. "See, this ain't so hard," said Harley, piling the bacon and eggs onto a plate. "Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, lapsed Jewishness and my folks. They're visiting soon – on the 18th, which is next Thursday…"

"No, it's…" began Two-Face, but Harley put the plate down in front of him, interrupting him with, "Now you eat up, and I'll see if I can find any coffee. Although I doubt it, what with Red and her not eating plants thing and all. Personally, I don't know how she copes without coffee..."

"Harley, it's…" began Two-Face.

"Good?" suggested Harley, beaming at him. "You like it? I should have asked how you like your eggs, but I just cooked 'em the same way I cook 'em for Mr. J – I hope that's ok."

"With shells in them?" muttered Two-Face, under his breath.

"What?" asked Harley, who hadn't heard.

"Nothing, it's…great, Harley," lied Two-Face, looking around for somewhere to stash the undercooked bacon and shell-filled eggs. "You…uh…say you make breakfast for J a lot?"

"Yeah, he doesn't always eat all of it, though," said Harley, as she continued to comb through the cupboards. "Says he doesn't get that hungry in the mornings, but I just think it's important he's fed. Can't start the day on an empty stomach."

"No," agreed Two-Face, silently planning where he was going to get breakfast later. "Um…Harley…what I was trying to say earlier was…the 18th…"

"When my folks are visiting, yeah," said Harley, nodding as she pulled out a blender, wondering if she could go get some coffee beans and grind them herself.

"That's…uh…today," said Two-Face, slowly.

Harley stared at him. Then she laughed. "No, it ain't – it's next Thursday, Harvey."

"It's today," repeated Two-Face, taking out his phone and showing her the date. "See?"

Harley stared at the screen for a moment, and then she dropped the blender, which shattered on the ground, and let out a scream. All the plants in the house instantly burst into the room, surrounding her and buzzing in concern in Harley's head, which only made her scream louder.

"Call…call Red," she stammered, clapping her hands to her head to try and drown the plants out. "And call Jervis and say I need to be switched back now – it's an emergency! My folks can't see Red in my body – she won't be able to pretend to be in love with Mr. J, and if my parents see how much they hate each other, they're gonna think we ain't happy together anymore! After I've spent months trying to convince them that we are happy, and that all that crap written in the papers about abuse is just a load of nonsense – now they're gonna think I've suddenly turned all sensible and turned my back on my mad love!"

"And that would be…a bad thing?" asked Two-Face, slowly. "I mean, it's kinda a toxic relationship, Harley…"

"Oh, don't talk to me about toxic relationships when you're with a woman called Poison Ivy!" snapped Harley. "See, this is the kinda crap I get from people who just can't mind their own business, and one of those people are my parents! It'll be a total disaster if they visit with Red still in my body! So let's get this cleaned up right now!"

The plants instantly began cleaning the house, tidying up the breakfast dishes and washing them, and sweeping away the remains of the blender. "Yeah, that's not what I meant, but ok," said Harley, nodding. "It's kinda nice to be able to order things around that obey your every whim. I can see why Mr. J likes it. Now let's call him and get this all straightened out before any more damage can be done!"