Payload Upward

Bomb Deposit Site

The Upward Gravel Excavation site, one of the more… convoluted methods the Mann bros. spent working on mining gravel, towered high above the ground, casting a long shadow on the facilities below like a monument to the Mann bros. pride and stupidity. Makes sense their idea of mining in this sector involved pushing a thirty ton bomb on a payload cart up a mountain and dropping it down a hole, and consider it genius. This became an ideal War Game, and was soon implemented into the mercenaries' routine. Things, however, were different, this time around. Located at the very top of the mountain, where RED Base was stationed to stop the BLUs from dropping their bomb at all cost, was an unusual sight.

Once the announcement from the Administrator sounded and the two teams took their places, Scout found something hiding on the edge of the tracks, teetering precariously above the hole housing several gasoline canisters and inactive explosives: A RED Dispenser. Scout walked over to the Dispenser, curious as to how it got there.

"Hey, hard hat!" Scout called out to Engineer, who was nearby setting up his Sentry. "Did you put this here? 'Cause it's kinda in the line of fire." Engineer looked at Scout and saw the Dispenser over near the deposit site, confused as why one of his machines was out in the open, and in such a bizarre location. He checked his PDA, noticing he hadn't even built a Dispenser yet, and noted that there were no Clones on the team to put other defenses up.

"Ah didn't build that…" Engineer muttered. Something clicked inside his brain, remembering something Intelligent Heavy brought up before setting up. The inventor whirled about, and saw Scout reaching for the suspicious machine. "SCOUT DON'T TOUCH THAT, DAMN IT!" He was too late, as the instant Scout touched the Dispenser, the top of the machine popped off, revealing a Level 2 Sentry gun, poised to strike. The tell-tale beep-beep froze Scout in his tracks, and the bullets tore him to ribbons. After its work was done, the Dispenser… Sentry… DISPENTRY, exploded, leaving Engineer completely baffled, and the now respawning Scout swearing up a storm.


On the sidelines, a pair of cacophonous laughter resounded within the structure. Within one of the wooden walkways, not too far from the deposit site, were three RED Freaks gathered about, two of which were laughing haughtily. Well, technically there were two Freaks, the third being conjoined at the torso to the other. That would be Solgineer, a hybrid Freaks of a RED Soldier on the left and RED Engineer on the right, fused at the sides of their torso. They were a bit of a mischievous sort, combining standard gear with other ordinances just for a bit of a joke. The other Freak, a RED Heavy, wore a hunter's hat and had a handlebar mustache, was bemused at the sight, folding his arms and glowering at the Hybrid.

"Is not funny." The Heavy Freak said. "That was bad prank, Solgineer." Solgineer continued laughing, occasionally pausing for breath.

"Lighten up, pardner." The Engineer-Half said, tipping his hat. "T'weren't nothin' more than a bit of a joke."

"And besides," The Soldier-Half chuckled, folding his arm. "That maggot will respawn in no time. Just relax for once, Pootis Man." The Heavy Freak, Pootis Man, groaned to himself, knowing the jerk streak the Freak with him had. Valuing himself as a Super Hero Freak, he sought to help corral the escaped Freaks that had yet to be rounded up from the Containment Breach. He, however, was not aware he would have such difficulty in bringing them back. And Solgineer, who on their own was essentially harmless, was incredibly stubborn and refused to budge. The opportunity presented itself, thankfully, when Pootis Man caught wind of the War Game at Upward, and an idea formulated in his mind to have the mercenaries somehow subdue Solgineer, so he could bring them back to the Freak Holding Facilities. Now, the only issue is the matter of how…


"So, you're saying that the RED Dispenser," Sniper said, taking in the knowledge Scout had presented him with. "Which was perched right on the edge of the massive hole, opened up to have a hidden Sentry gun inside, proceeded to reduce you to Swiss cheese, then just… exploded." Scout nodded vigorously, having finally respawned a good few seconds into the match. "Do we need to have a talk about cutting back on Bonk?"

"Snipes, I'm serious!" Scout exclaimed, flustered. "That thing was like a Sentspenser, or Dispentry, or somethin'! I know Engie didn't make it, 'cuz he told me so himself!"

"He ain't lyin', Sniper," Engineer said, digging through the supply closet for spare metal. "Ah saw it happen. Gun popped out, blasted Scout, and then just blew up like Pyro's attempt at cookin' soufflé." He poked his head out, adjusting his hard hat a bit. "Y'all know what that could mean." Sniper groaned, taking off his hat and throwing it to the floor.

"Why can't we have just one bloody job without the bloody Freaks showin' up?!" Sniper hissed, picking up his hat. "I mean, for god's sake and ours, this is getting bloody ridiculous!"

"Ain't that the point o' dem Freaks? Ridiculousness?" Scout asked, rhetorically. Sniper scowled at him, while Scout shirked away defensively. "I'll just, um, go and deal with the REDs and, yeah." And like that, Scout was gone, out the doors and onto the battlefield. Sniper shook his head, grabbing his rifle and walking towards the nearby teleporter.

"So long as they don't get me rattled," Sniper said, nearing the teleporter. "I'll be fine. Didn't know ya could set a teleporter up inside the respawn room, Engie." Engineer almost immediately dove upwards, his helmet falling off his head and eyes bulged behind his goggles.

"Sniper! Ah didn't set that-!" Engineer shouted, but the instant Sniper stood on the teleporter, twin gun turrets popped out of the sides and shot the Australian assassin to hell. And then it exploded from self-destruct. Engineer just stood there, agape and glancing at the unopened Sentry case by his feet. While he knew a Freak was messing with his machines, but he was certain he did leave the case by him. Against his better judgement, he slowly and carefully reached for the latch on the case.


"He's going for it!" Solgineer's Soldier-Half exclaimed, peering through the window to the resupply room. He turned to his other half, the Engineer side holding a remote with a large red button. "Do it, maggot!"

"Alrighty then!" Engineer-Half said. With a waggling of his thumb, he pushed the button, and from within, they could make out the distinct sound of the box opening, the RED Engineer shouting, and the sound of a teleporter activating. The fused Freak turned towards the bomb deposit site, where a RED Teleporter was dangling from a crate hook upside down. A flash of bright red, and Engineer found himself not touching the ground. Gravity then promptly decided to make the Texan its bitch and dropped him like a sack of bricks into the hole. A loud crash soon followed, followed by bellowing laughter. "Ah can't believe that actually worked!"

"These maggots are so stupid!" Soldier-Half laughed, wiping a mirthful tear away. "And they're the host DNA for all Freakdom? And I thought C-Rations were funny!" The two continued laughing, but Pootis Heavy, who had been quietly standing by and letting the two continue their pranks, had finally had enough. They were harmless at first, installing bread spawners inside the teleporters and putting spring-loaded pies in the ammo crates, but then when they started tormenting the mercenaries, this was something the heroic Heavy Freak could not stand by and let continue. While the duo Freak continued laughing their heads off, Pootis Man walked up behind them and tapped a large finger on their conjoined shoulder.

"Oh, Solgineer?" Pootis Man said in a calm and collected tone.

"Yeah?" Solgineer's both sides said, turning around. Both heads now had fist-sized imprints on their faces, as Pootis Man slammed both his massive pounders into the Freak's face, sending him flying into a support beam. The disoriented Freak rattled its two heads, growling as Pootis Man took up a fighting position. "I will not let you hurt leetle mercenaries anymore! So come, fight me, COWARDS!" As Solgineer pulled himself to his feet, the RED and BLU Mercenaries overheard everything, and started to gather about at the scene of the fight, ignoring the bomb cart entirely.


FREAK FIGHT!

Pootis Man vs. Solgineer!

FIGHT!


"Y'all are about to have a real bad day." Engineer-Half snarled, the two halves pounding their fists together. "Erectin' a…" He pulled his pelvis back, a red energy crackling around them.

"COCKET!" Soldier-Half shouted, thrusting their pelvis forward. A critically charged rocket shot from their lower half, blasting right towards Pootis Man. The mustachioed Freak smirked, drawing his right hand in a pistol form. With quick movement, Pootis Man pointed at the speeding rocket and leapt backwards.

"POW!" He shouted, pulling his gun hand back. The rocket exploded three feet away from him, as though interrupted by an actual bullet. Solgineer rolled away from the spreading flames, drawing a wrench and shovel as Pootis Man rose to his feet.

"Damn, fergot about that." Engineer-Half remarked.

"But I bet he forgot about this!" Soldier-Half said, smirking. In a blink of the eye, the hybrid Freak vanished, leaving everyone startled and surprised, including Pootis Man. The Heavy Hero Freak frantically searched for the Freak, his hand firmly holding his gun hand.

"Coward!" Pootis Man shouted. "Come and fight me like man!"

"We ain't no man, Pootis Man." Engineer-Half chuckled, sounding right behind Pootis Man. Before he could turn around fast enough, Pootis Man was struck by a spin-kick from the Soldier half, the bone-crushing force of the blow knocking him into a large wire coil. The two halves laughed, twirling their respective weapons.

"We aren't a run-of-the-sawmill Freak, either!" Soldier-Half cackled, clanking his shovel on his helmet.

"We are a mistake of nature!" The two halves chorused. "WE ARE SOLGINEER!" On the sidelines, BLU Medic tapped his chin, looking to BLU Sniper.

"Fascinating specimen of a Freak." BLU Medic remarked, watching as Solgineer backed off as Pootis Man quickly rose to his feet, wiping blood from his mouth. "Two conjoined halves of two separate mercenaries to create zis oddity. Like ze Siamese Twins."

"Yeah, but it's kind of odd, if ya think about it, Doc." BLU Sniper said as Pootis Man and Solgineer grappled with each other, with Solgineer gaining high ground. "Soldier and Engineer are two completely different people, personality wise, and to fuse them together to make a crotch rocket shooting Freak seems a bit risky."

"Ja, I see…" BLU Medic mused, rubbing his chin as Pootis Man bashed his head at the conjoined part of Solgineer's two halves, the receiver screaming in pain and stumbling while Pootis Man doubled back. "Like, how can zey function as two minds in a single body? Zere vould be mental conflict." Pootis Man, having overheard the entire conversation, beamed brightly as he climbed atop some boxes. Every Freak knew Solgineer's two halves constantly bickered with each other, but given the right push, the two would be at each other's throats.

Engineer-Half snarled, glaring as Pootis Man stood triumphantly above them. "Start firing crockets, you dummy!" Soldier-Half growled, obeying as they pulled back for another attack. "CROCKETS, FIRE!" They began thrusting, firing crit rockets in rapid succession, Pootis Man teleporting and dodging each of them.

"Leetle Engineer-Half," Pootis Man said, the gears churning in his head as he narrowly dodged another rocket. "It must hurt all time to be smarter than Leetle Soldier-Half, but be stuck with him every day!"

"Y'all have no idea, pardner!" Engineer-Half grumbled, continuing to blast rockets. "It's like this stupid jarhead likes to shoot first, kick second, ask questions later. It's infuriating!"

"Jarhead?!" Soldier-Half shouted, immediately stopping his thrusting. "Well at least I'm not a know-it-all, Southern-Drawling, bacon munching, 'It's-A-Dispentry-Not-Senspenser', Texan whiner!" And boom goes the dynamite. Solgineer stopped fighting Pootis Man, and immediately turned to fight… each other.

"Y'all are so thick headed bricks want to build your house with yer skull!" Engineer-Half shouted, jabbing a finger at the other half.

"You're so geeky that you learned the language of math because nobody else wants to talk to you!" Soldier-Half retorted, smacking the hand away.

"Y'all can't think yer way out of a paper bag!" Engineer-Half roared, bashing the hand back.

"You butcher the American language like Pyros do to people!" Soldier-Half screamed.

"Over-zealous Patriot!"

"Wrench Monkey!"

"Rocket ridin' reject!"

"Tech savvy twerp!"

"Mental patient!"

"INBRED!" Everyone gasped, even Pootis Man. Engineer-Half stood there with his jaw agape, Soldier-Half's face shifting from angry beet red to embarrassed red. He immediately started waving his hand, sweat dripping from his face. "I, uh, didn't exactly mean that, I…" He didn't get another word out before a gloved hand grabbed his throat.

"AH'M GONNA CHOKE THE EVER LIVIN' HELL OUTTA YOU!" Engineer-Half bellowed, but not before Soldier-Half responded in mirror fashion, strangling the Southern side of him. Soon, the two halves of Solgineer were literally at each other's throats, rolling on the ground and trying to kill each other. Not wanting the violence to continue on and become even more awkward, Pootis Man picked the bickering fused Freak up and propped them atop a crate near the edge of the mountain. While the two halves continued fighting, Pootis Man stood across from them in Showdown position, hand gun at the ready. As soon as the moment was right, the Heroic Heavy Freak raised his hand, and fired.

"Pootis POW!" He shouted. A bell dinged, and Solgineer was immediately knocked off their seat and sent flying into the sky… presumably dying from the shot and/or the inevitable fall that would soon follow. The fight now over, Pootis Man turned to the gathered crowd of mercenaries, and with a sheepish grin put his hands together. "Sorry about that. Solgineer needed to be stopped."

"Nothing to worry about, monsieur." RED Spy said, taking a puff of his cigarette. "It was ample entertainment, but a majority of ze match time was… spent, watching ze fight." Pootis Man paused, internally conflicted for interrupting the mercenaries during their War Game, despite having a duty to fulfil. But, just as he thought of the idea for stopping Solgineer came, a solution arrived as fast as the issue arose. The Heavy Freak turned to one of the various cameras and politely addressed it.

"Hello, Administrator?" Pootis Man said, knowing full well who was watching. "I am POOTIS Man, Freak #262011. I want to ask if REDs and BLUs could have restart on Payload match. It was my fault, and I don't want them to be behind because of my mistake." A moment of silence followed, nobody saying a single word as the anticipated response awaited. Suddenly, Pootis Man found himself alone, the RED and BLU teams completely gone.

"MISSION BEGINS IN THIRTY SECONDS." The Administrator's voice announced throughout the facility. Pootis Man, content with his now done job, allowed himself a smirk, and in a matter of milliseconds, he was gone, teleported back to the Freak Holding Facilities. As the REDs piled out, Engineer quickly met up with Soldier, and placed a gloved hand on the patriot's shoulder.

"Eh… We should talk about what just happened later…" Engineer said, his somewhat somber tone telling everything, even with the goggles on. Soldier nodded, an equal look of melancholy appearing on his face, before both sides returned to battle.


The Eye in the Sky

Control Room

"Fascinating." Agent Cinder muttered, the Freak Controller brushing a hand through his fiery red hair as he witnessed the events transpire at Upward via monitor. "Solgineer showing traits towards both halves involving internal anger towards each other…" He chuckled maliciously to himself, pushing away from the monitor on his wheelie chair. "And it appears those traits are inherent in the Soldier and the Engineer." He turned to Agent Grease, the jacket wearing man idly staring at another screen. "Genetic experiments are fascinating."

"You're way too invested in this crap, Cinder." Agent Grease muttered, taking a sip of his coffee. "They're mutant clones of mentally unhinged psychopaths. The only thing that I care about regarding those Freaks is the number of zeroes they're going to get put on my paycheck." Agent Cinder sputtered, once again pushing himself on his chair.

"There's more to life than money, Grease." Cinder said, pulling himself up from his chair.

"Only poor people say that, y'know." Grease chuckled, taking another swig. Cinder rolled his eyes, walking towards the door to get himself a drink. The instant he opened the door, however, a gloved hand cupped his mouth and pulled him inside the room, the door closing behind him with a slam. Cinder immediately broke free of his captor's grasp and reached for the standard issue magnum on his belt.

"You've got some nerve attacking a member of the Eye, you smug son of a-." Cinder started, but suddenly stopped when he saw who his captor was: A pale, thin man, wearing a red and black plaid shirt, a black hood covering his eyes, with a small smile revealing shark-like teeth. "Watcher?"

"Agent Cinder…" The man, Watcher said, walking around the brightly dressed man. "How many times have I told you not to draw a gun on a guy who has higher rank than you?" Cinder eased up, moving his hand away from the gun and staring at Watcher.

"You startled me, that's all." He said. "If I knew it was you, I wouldn't have-." His eyes widened behind his red-lensed glasses. "Wait, why are you here? Is it happening already?"

"Not yet, Cinder." Watcher said, motioning for silence. "But things are already in motion. Schadenfreude has already made his move, and Ninja Spy is coming here in a few days to upload the Living Virus." Cinder's face shifted to panic, realizing the danger of what is to be.

"Oh god, I've got to contact Mr. Hale and get more security for the Eye and-." Cinder babbled, but was silenced once again by Watcher's gloved hand.

"No. This is meant to happen." Watcher said, stern as ever. "All of the signs must happen if history is to be properly made. Tell no one of what will happen, and you'll finally be pardoned of your crimes." Watcher released his grasp from Cinder, stepping into the shadows. "We are counting and yours and Miss Pauling's actions, Luke Cinder." And like that, he was gone, leaving the bewildered and bothered man in silence.

"I'm going to need a double." Cinder muttered. "This shit isn't worth the crap I had to deal with in the Chasers…"


Freak-Lopedia

Solgineer

Solgineer is a RED Engineer/Soldier Hybrid Freak, created by YouTuber Malcolm9762. Presumably born from a freak Telefrag accident, Solgineer is an aggressive and easily irritated fusion of a RED Engineer and RED Soldier, joined at the side. Both halves have the inherent traits of their original selves, and their personalities tend to lead to more than just minor clashes and scuffles if things get worse for the wear. However, their fusion gave them a wider range of powers, such as the ability to make hybrid machines, such as the Dispentry or Telespenser, and shoot critical rockets from the crotch, known as CROCKETs. Solgineer also has incredibly strong feet, able to kick hard enough to shatter bone, and can even teleport if the situation calls for it. Despite their somewhat aggressive nature, Solgineer can be a rather helpful individual, and has somewhat of a mischievous prankster side to it.


Pootis Man

Pootis Man is a RED Heavy Freak, created by YouTuber MisterMystero0. A Superhero among Freaks, Pootis Man is a kind-hearted and good-natured Freak who seeks to help others when evil is afoot. Although still a bit slow and clumsy, Pootis Man is very much like many other Heavy Freaks, known to act with his fists when necessary. He is known to have gone on many adventures, either by intent or accident, and has made many friends on his heroic romps. His powers range from an enhanced version of the Showdown Taunt, capable of actually putting a hole in a tank from fifty feet away, teleportation, levitation, super-strength, and is known to have a Pocket Medic than Uber-Charges anyone who wields it.


Author's Note: WE'RE BACK, BABY! Yep, the moment has finally come! We've gotten things under control here, things finally fit together, and we are back to writing Project FREAK! Now, we know some of you are still probably a bit upset over the hiatus, but things were a bit hectic at the IDA involving Editors and Writers, but the situation has finally come under control. So now, we're back in full gear, and expect more chapters in the future… just not as frequently. Things may have gotten better, but there are still issues, and chapters won't be coming out as fast as they used to be. But hey, longer wait means better content, am I right? Well, now that's taken care of, onto some incredible news!

Recently, a video went up on the YouTube channel of TheInvertedShadow, an incredibly talented GModder and creator of the Freak Ass Pancakes, called Siege of the Freaks, a tennis between him and Kugawattan, another Gmodder and creator of Medizard. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, we highly recommend it. Anyway, upon watching the video, I noted some interesting similarities between the video and our very own Project Freak. The Head Writer, Mask, commented on the video, applauding them for another great project, and noted the similarities between it and this story. Two hour later, Kugawattan replied to the comment with this: "Ah, where do you think we got the idea for the series XD?" This was probably the greatest moment any of us at the IDA could feel. Now, we're not claiming anything, but the notion from Kugawattan that our most popular story influenced well known Gmod YouTubers to make a video like that… There are no words. Not only was it a tremendous ego boost, but it actually gave us the boost to continue writing. We wanted to share this moment and say, thank you, readers and fans, for helping us get this far that something like this can happen. And to Kugawattan, InvertedShadow, and other GModders out there who may or may not be reading this, thank you for providing such amazing work, and keep doing what you love.

So in forth, here's to you, to me, and one and all. From the garda, to the gargle, to the trophy on the wall. Here's to you, to me, and one and all, to the day Darcy's Drunken Donkey won the race at Donegal, and to the joy we have to bring you joy. Cheers, everyone.