Book Club, Pine Sap: insomniac, hesitant, "I don't have the heart for murder."
Showtime, Farmer Refuted: mercy
Amber's Attic: BlaiseTheo
Buttons: Theo Nott
Hamilton Mania, having regrets: wistful (pillow)
PiƱata, easy
Word Count: 612
Blaise can't remember the last time he's slept through the night. It feels like years, though he thinks it's most likely been a few months. It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment everything changed, the moment his mother started insisting that he lay low while everyone else insisted that he take the Dark Mark.
Now, the world is upside down. The Carrows have transformed Hogwarts into a nightmare circus. And Blaise can't do anything but fix how sleepless eyes upon the ceiling.
He feels the subtle shift on the mattress and almost smiles. He and Theo have been sneaking around, sharing beds since first year. If any of the other boys have noticed, they haven't mentioned it.
"Still can't sleep?" Theo asks, his fingers ghosting along Blaise's exposed chest.
Blaise shakes his head, though he knows it's too dark in the dormitory for Theo to see. "Shocking, isn't it?" he chuckles under his breath.
Theo moves closer, snuggling against Blaise. Blaise smiles to himself. Even if the world is crazy, and the war has brought out the worst in people, Theo remains unchanged. It's one of life's small mercies that he has someone so constant by his side, that he has anything in this ever-changing world that can bring him peace and comfort.
"What are you thinking about?"
Blaise swallows dryly. Being neutral is easy in theory. In practice, however, he finds himself having to carefully choose his words wherever he turns. He's hesitant, but the words finally fall from his lips. "I'm tired of the war," he admits. "I don't have the heart for murder." He pauses, sinking a little deeper into his pillow. "I just want it to end, you know? Do you ever dream of running away?"
"All the time," Theo confirms, his voice wistful.
Blaise rolls onto his side, wrapping an arm around Theo. He feels stupid for worrying so much about himself. Theo has been faced with so much pressure from his Death Eater father. It's hard to imagine how he feels, and Theo had always preferred to keep his emotions bottled up.
"Do you think we could do it?" Theo murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Blaise's shoulder.
"Do what?"
"Run away."
It takes him a moment to realize he has, in fact, heard the other boy correctly. He squints into the darkness, trying to make out his boyfriend's features and search for some signs of humor there. But Theo looks dead serious.
"It's impossible," Blaise sighs.
He's sure there's a way out of the castle and into the world beyond, but he has no idea where to even begin. Even if he did, it's too dangerous. He can't imagine what would happen if they were caught breaking the new law. Two Pureblood boys from respectable families defying the Ministry's decree is unimaginable. He shudders to think of the scandal it would cause, the pain their families would go through, the fallout.
"Yeah." Theo snuggles closer. "But it's nice to dream, right?"
Blaise wraps his arms around his boyfriend, pressing a kiss to the other boy's forehead. "Very nice," he agrees.
"But would you?"
"For you? In a heartbeat."
And as he lays there, sleepless and restless while Theo's soft snores feel the air, all he can think of is escaping, running away and starting a new life somewhere with Theo by his side. In the back of his head, he knows how dangerous it is to love someone so deeply that he would risk everything for their happiness. He knows he ought to look out for his own interests, put himself first.
But Theo is the exception. He always will be.
Somehow, Blaise doesn't mind.
