When Batman arrived at the fast-food restaurant in Blüdhaven, the situation was far, far worse than he had expected it to be, and Batman wasn't an optimistic guy. The plants had literally taken root in the building, wrapping themselves around every inch of it. Batman managed to force his way through to see that the interior of the building was empty of people, except for an older couple, the Joker and Harley Quinn, and Nightwing. They were all tangled up in plants, except Harley, and the ones holding Nightwing and Joker were clearly trying to strangle them. Batman was surprised at how calm Harley looked considering a plant was attempting to suffocate the Joker - normally she would be desperately trying to help him, but she sat unconcerned in the corner, casually filing her nails.

"Harley…for the last time…help me out here!" hissed Joker.

"Mr. J, for the last time, there's nothing I can do," retorted the woman who appeared to be Harley, glancing calmly at her nails. "I'm no match for a plant's strength – we just have to wait for Ivy to sort this one out, which hopefully she will before the plant chokes the life outta you. And what a tragedy that would be," she added, not sounding particularly sincere.

"Nightwing, are you ok?" asked Batman, hurrying over to him.

"Just peachy!" hissed Nightwing. "What took you so long to get here?"

"There's also a plant situation in Gotham, you know," retorted Batman. "They're running wild over there, but we've quarantined the area as much as possible, which will have to do until I find Ivy and make her stop this. I don't even know why she's doing this – she usually has some demands when she attacks Gotham, but I haven't even heard from her today."

"She's probably…closer than you think, Bats!" chuckled Joker. "Thanks for showing up – I know you're a true friend who's there for me when I'm in trouble, unlike some people," he snapped, glaring at Ivy.

"We're not friends," snapped Ivy, glaring back at him. "We've never been friends, and today has definitely not changed that."

"Yeah, we're more than friends – we're family!" giggled Joker.

"At least if you die, I won't have to hear about that anymore," said Ivy. "So that possibility is looking better and better. Batman, don't you dare hurt those plants," she snapped, as Batman suddenly withdrew a Batarang to cut through them.

"What's wrong with you, Harley?" asked Batman. "You seem to be very concerned about Ivy's plants, but you don't seem at all concerned that Joker is being attacked by them."

"Well, maybe he provoked them, and he deserves it," retorted Ivy, shrugging. "Anyway, they're only doing what they were taught to do – protect me from people who would try to hurt me. I won't let you kill them for just doing what they're supposed to do."

"And how exactly are you going to stop me?" demanded Batman. "I know you can't take me on your own, and without Ivy, nobody can goad the plants into attacking me. So you'll forgive me if I put the lives of humans before the lives of plants," he said, slicing through the vines restraining Nightwing.

Ivy's hands clenched into fists as she gritted her teeth – although the destruction of plants didn't physically hurt her in this body, it still hurt her emotionally to see the death of something she loved and cared for. But she knew Batman was right – there was nothing she could really do to protect them until she was back in her own body. Which she hoped would be very, very soon.

"Saving the best for last, huh, buddy?" asked Joker, as Batman freed Nightwing and then went to go free Mr. and Mrs. Quinzel.

"That must be it," agreed Batman, dryly.

"Well, that's the only explanation why you'd rescue the people who aren't actually being attacked by the plants over the people who are," retorted Joker.

"I always help innocent people first," replied Batman.

"That's definitely not true – you rescued your little Batbrat first, and he's anything but innocent, taking the law into his own hands and all," retorted Joker. "And those are Harley's parents, so also not innocent when you think about it – they're responsible for the birth of one of your most troublesome troublemakers. But I guess I'm more responsible for her creation, when you think about it…"

"Shut up, clown," snapped Mr. Quinzel.

"You're Harley's parents?" repeated Batman, cutting them free. "You must be very proud," he added.

"Hey, not all of Har…my decisions have been great, but I'm still a pretty great person, and my parents should definitely be proud of me!" snapped Ivy. "I have lots of great qualities aside from my submissiveness to an abusive psychopath. One of them is always seeing the good in people, which is probably why I'm so devoted to the abusive psychopath. But in Ivy's case too – I'm the only one who still really sees her humanity, and treats her like a human being, and I know that means a lot to her. I accept and respect the whole of the person, rather than just the side they want people to see, which I probably learned from my parents, because that's how parents should accept their child."

"True," agreed Joker, nodding. "I know that's how I'd feel about my daughter were I ever lucky enough to have one. Or maybe I already have been that lucky…"

He was cut off by the plant tightening around his throat. "I don't think I've turned out so bad, all things considered," continued Ivy. "I'm kind and sweet and smart, when I'm allowed to show it, and loyal to the people I love, which is a pretty rare quality in anyone. And I'd like to think even if I've made mistakes and changed into someone different than who I used to be…that my parents would still love that person unconditionally. The way I love the people in my life unconditionally."

"Oh, Harley, of course we do," said Mrs. Quinzel, embracing her. Ivy patted her on the back awkwardly. "And don't you worry," continued Mrs. Quinzel. "That's not about to change, even if you are pregnant out of wedlock."

"What?" demanded Batman, who had been trying to pull Joker free, but now suddenly let him snap back into the plant's clutches.

"Ok, I'm definitely not pregnant," snapped Ivy.

"Then why does the Joker keep talking about his daughter?" asked Mr. Quinzel.

"Because…it's a long story," said Ivy. "But it has nothing to do with me being pregnant – it's just something that might have to do with his past before he became the Joker. But very probably not – in fact, I would say 100% certainly not."

"It's not 100% certain until you get a DNA test, sweetcheeks," retorted Joker, as Batman reluctantly began trying to pull him free again.

"Well, you'd better believe that's getting done ASAP," snapped Ivy. "Anyway, it's just a stupid joke of his, as usual. He says a lot of dumb things – you should try to ignore him."

"Easier said than done," muttered Batman. His grip on Joker's arm wasn't working – the plant held him fast, despite Batman's best efforts to cut through it, and so Batman grabbed Joker around the waist, trying a different angle.

"Careful, Batsy, people will talk," chuckled Joker, as Batman pulled him close. "This is another one of those situations where you kinda hope people don't have a camera. Or do, I guess."

"Shut up," muttered Batman. "I'm just trying to get a better grip."

"I can feel you are," chuckled Joker. "Just watch the goods there. Not that I mind you manhandling me normally, but I'd just prefer a little more privacy…"

"I said shut up!" snapped Batman, grabbing Joker's belt and trying to tug him free. "You're right – this whole situation would be a million times worse if somebody had a camera…"

"Or x-ray vision," said Joker, nodding behind Batman. "Would there be anything more embarrassing than having your little Justice League pal catching us in pla-grante delicto?"

"Yeah, well, I don't think there's any danger of that…" began Batman.

"Hi, Superman," said Nightwing suddenly.

"Hi, Nightwing, Batman…what's going on here?" asked Superman, as Batman turned slowly around to face him.

"It's definitely not what it looks like – Joker's stuck in a plant and I'm trying to release him," said Batman, hastily.

"He certainly is," chuckled Joker. "And he'll succeed if he keeps doing what he's doing…"

"Shut up!" repeated Batman, hauling him out of the plant at last. "What are you doing here, Superman?" he demanded. "You think I don't have everything under control here?"

"Actually, I'm not here of my own volition," replied Superman, nodding at the doorway, where the woman who appeared to be Poison Ivy and Two-Face entered the restaurant.

"You did good, Harvey," Harley was saying. "Even without using the coin, you decided that you absolutely wouldn't let Superman give you a piggyback fly here, and insisted on him flying us in the car. I'm proud of you for making that decision and sticking to it."

"Yeah, great, just give me my coin back, please," said Two-Face, holding out his hand.

"I'm telling you, you don't need it," replied Harley. "But we'll continue this conversation later – how're you doing, pud…I mean, Joker?" she asked, hurrying over to him. "I hope you're…hurt real bad. And how are Harley's parents doing?"

"Everyone's fine, Ivy," said Ivy, nodding at Harley. "I can see you were successful in getting Superman here."

"Yeah, but you don't wanna hear all the crap I had to go through to do it," sighed Harley. "Anyway, we should go, Harley – Superman can fly us to Jervis's real fast so we can get this mess cleaned up. We can even ride him piggyback if you want – I just think that would be a fun thing to do, and a fun thing to tell people about…"

"You're not going anywhere, Ivy," interrupted Batman, stepping in front of her. "You're stopping the plant attack on Gotham right now."

"I can't," retorted Harley. "For reasons I'm not going into, the plants are outta my control right now. But if Superman takes us to Jervis's, we can fix that."

"What's Tetch got to do with this?" asked Batman.

"You ask a lotta questions, and if you want the attack on Gotham to stop, I can't answer them right now," retorted Harley. "Harley, climb aboard," she said, gesturing to Superman. "Supey's gonna cooperate or he's gonna get Kryptonite in the face."

"I would love to climb aboard," said Ivy, looking Superman up and down and grinning. "That is a tall drink of water, and I'm feeling super thirsty."

"Uh…you know…Harley…it's not like you to be checking out other guys," reminded Harley. "Especially not boring hero types."

"Well, it definitely should be," retorted Ivy. "Everyone knows I can do so much better than the Joker. Ask anyone in this room."

"Oh, c'mon, this guy ain't better than me!" snapped Joker. "If it was Batsy, I can kinda see it, but this guy?! He's not even human! He's an alien from outer space, and frankly, we don't even know if his anatomy is similar to a human male where it counts, if you know what I mean!"

"Please don't speculate about my anatomy," said Superman, looking uncomfortable.

"You feel free to carry me, hot stuff," purred Ivy, sidling into his arms. "And you don't need to be gentle."

"Ivy, when this is over, can I have the Kryptonite?" muttered Two-Face, glaring at Superman.

"Sure thing," said Harley, nodding as she climbed onto Superman's back. "Now everyone stay here – we'll have this fixed in a jiffy, and we'll be back when everything is back to normal. Or as normal as things ever are around here, anyway," she sighed. "Joker, look after Harley's parents while she's gone, please."

"I sure will, toots," said Joker. "And I'm super impressed, by the way. Ain't every gal who can make Harvey man up without his coin and blackmail Superman into helping 'em out. You're a helluva dame sometimes."

"Yeah? You really think so, Mr…Joker?" asked Harley, gazing at him dreamily.

"I do," he said, nodding. "I'm proud of ya, kid."

"Well, I…loathe you, Joker, so…your compliments mean nothing to me," said Harley, smiling at him. "Bye."

"I loathe you too, kiddo," he murmured, smiling after her as Superman flew off.