On the Road Again

The days seemed to fly and before they knew it, the couple had spent the entire morning running – and creeping, in the case of the triplet's room – around the house packing. Eventually they were able to collapse upon the sofa, with three suitcases packed and sitting by the door. The sofa was new, by Shrek's standards anyway, it had been residing in the house for at least a year. They realised Shrek needed to make something a little more permanent for the children to be seated on. They had considered making them their own little chairs, but the kids were growing so fast it wouldn't be long until tiny seats would be useless. So, they realised with a little trepidation they needed something that would last the years, from little wriggly toddlers, all the way up to the unforeseeable teenage years and beyond. One thing they didn't think through was the bedroom. It had taken time, months in fact, of Shrek and Puss doing a lot of the work, with the others chiming in here and there, and Donkey taking a lot of undue credit. Eventually an extension to their tiny abode was completed and furnished as the children's bedroom. After which Fiona meekly pointed out that they would have to do some kind of construction work when they got older as Felicia would need her own room. She was met with argument from Shrek, of course, but she knew she would win in the end. Fiona knew for a fact her husband didn't know what teenage girls were like, and he could find out for himself in time. The ogress barely knew herself, she waged her own pubescent wars in a tower on her own, but even that was enough.

"So..." Shrek broke the small silence, taking his wife's hand, "Only two days of travelling in a small carriage with three kids and we're there."

They both grimaced and groaned at the thought. This would be their first time travelling to Far Far Away on the ground. The seats they strapped to Dragon's back were now too small for the triplets. Their previous journey all the while back prompted many complaints from each of them. The couple had intended to have a new set of seats made for the next trip for their fifth birthday, but the sudden invitation for the ball caught them by surprise. Shrek suggested they let the kids sit without them, much to Fiona's horror. After a discussion they decided they didn't quite trust the children to hold on by themselves and they definitely weren't keen on an airborne rescue mission. So the reluctant alternate option was their only choice.

"D'ya think we should get 'em up?"

"They were too excited to sleep last night, they'll be miserable," Fiona lowered her voice a little, glancing towards the shut door.

"They might sleep on the journey," he offered a suggestion.

"They'll be a handful until they do, I'd rather have them happy and well rested. They can sleep a little while longer."

Shrek was about to nod his agreement when the door to their home burst open. They didn't need to question who it was, it was the only person who ever did burst into their home unannounced. Though it was the announcing part he was afraid of.

"Hey! How's everyone going? All packed up I see!" Donkey laughed, unaware of the ogre glaring at him."Now where're the kids?"

"They're asleep, Donkey," his words were practically hissed through clenched teeth, all that it took the ogre to not shout at the loud animal. It didn't help Donkey's case that it wasn't the first time this had happened either, nor the second, nor tenth. In fact, finally Shrek and Fiona managed to see eye to eye on Donkey's volume. Fiona had been the most forgiving about their friend's overenthusiasm, it often made her laugh. That was until the triplets were born. The countless times they had only just set the infants down to sleep - creeping out of the room and basking in the rare silence - when Donkey would burst in, undoing all of their efforts.

"Oh. Oh," Donkey's ears flattened to the side of his head, he chucked sheepishly, "I guess I do come around here shouting a lot..."

"You don't say, burro," Puss waltzed in behind him, voice appropriately low, not that it mattered, Shrek thought grimly.

"Where are your kids, Donkey?" Fiona lightened the mood, though it prompted a small glare from her husband.

"Oh they're having their pre-long-journey talk with Dragon," Donkey returned to his usual volume, happily forgetting the past topic, "You know, don't fly too low, keep up, don't stray, don't start forest fires..."

Puss's eye roll was interrupted by the bedroom door being shakily creaked open, a little green face peeked out of the room.

"Is it today?" Fergus asked, shushing his two giggling siblings behind him, looking to his mother for confirmation.

Fiona couldn't help but break into a smile at her son's curious nature. She knew the three of them had probably argued in whispers about flying out of their room and getting overexcited, but Fergus had to make sure they had the right day first. "Yes, honey, it's today."


The carriage slowly rolled away from the swamp. Shrek set his mouth in a firm line, the unease growing in the pit of his stomach. He watched the triplets leaping about the seat opposite to his and Fiona's, waving out the back window to their friends who had offered to house-sit again, not that it had gone well before. Every other time they had taken the kids to Far Far Away it had been for a day-trip, either their birthday party or a short visit; back safely at home in time for bed. They had only stayed in the castle overnight unexpectedly, because of stormy weather and Fiona refusing to take the children in the air. Not that Shrek was happy about it, he made sure they left as quickly as possible. Thus far the ogres had managed to keep the triplets out of their position as royals. They had turned down a ball in the celebration of their birth when they were babies, and again on their first birthday, settling for the birthday party as a compromise. But that meant they didn't see Artie half as much they wanted to. Lillian came to visit a couple of times a year, she had the time to do so, Artie didn't. Shrek had to admit, he missed the kid, he'd liked to have spent more time with the young king. But... Shrek couldn't control the worry he felt whenever they entered the kingdom. He seemed to be a magnet for misfortune there. And after his last big adventure, he knew too well that he had too much to lose.

"Hey," Fiona caught his attention, gently laying her hand on his, "It'll be fine," she smiled at him, sensing his worry. "We'll all be there together," her voice was soft as to not attract the attention of the kids, "And no one is going to wander off on their own." His wife gave him a knowing look, he knew she didn't mean the children. She was being playful, but the tiny hint of hurt still broke through in her eyes.

"...Fiona," he gave her a pained expression, "I'm-"

"It's fine," her smile spread further, she waved the topic off, "They'll be fine too," she gave a nod to their children.

"I know," Shrek brushed off his emotion, "It's just- they'll be in front of big crowds and I don't know how they're gonna deal with that," he lied.

Fiona seemed to watch his eyes for a second, before she nodded her agreement, "They haven't had royal training."

"Felicia no!" They watched as Farkle stomped his foot and pulled at his sister's hair, "That's no fair!"

"Ow!" They both sighed as Felicia pushed him back, straight into their brother, knocking both boys to the bottom of the carriage.

"Mommy! Farkle... he fell on me!" Fergus roughly pushed his brother off of him, tears welling in his eyes.

Shrek put his head in his hands as Farkle latched on to Felicia's leg and pulled her down with them, his daughter shrieking in response. She proceeded to clutch her arm, shouting about being hurt, while grabbing and pinching at her brother.

"STOP, NOW."

Shrek had thought for quite some time that he would never hear Fiona's princess voice - as he so affectionately named it - again after the day they first met. That was until the children became old enough to start squabbling, and doing so loudly. Now, he heard it on a semi-regular basis, though thankfully for the ogre it wasn't aimed at him. Much like Shrek's own experience, it always stunned them into silence. Fiona was a gentle mother, she was mainly soft spoken and warm towards them every day. It worked out in her favour whenever she had to raise her voice, it made them listen. The opposite could be said of their father who could shout at them all day at home and they'd only match his volume.

"I don't want any more fighting for this trip, so sit down, stop crying and let's all at least pretend we can get along, okay?" Fiona took a breath and sighed resoundingly as the three begrudgingly stood and took their seats next to each other.

"Well well Princess, you know how to get yer way," Shrek couldn't hide his smirk.

She meekly sat back, giving him a small smile, "Don't test me."

Puss's head then rose from where he had sat in the luggage compartment outside the back window. He had mistakenly chosen the family of ogres to travel with over Donkey and his family in the skies. Shrek recalled him saying it would be more peaceful that way.


It had been a long, long day for the ogre couple, and Puss. They were thankful that the sun had finally set on their first day of travelling. There were a couple of times where Fiona almost wished they had just flown without the seats, let the children fall as they may. She smiled a little to herself as she leant against her husband. Despite the fighting that occurred more than once, it was quite nice to have the family together in such a confined space. The ogress enjoyed it when the kids got along and would talk with each other; it amused her to listen to their commentary of the world around them. Puss told a lot of stories, they loved stories, and she loved to watch their faces as they listened. Fiona knew she would never tire of watching their faces, they were so beautiful.

"Fergus, honey?" As she scanned each of her children, both Felicia and Farkle were dozing, nearly asleep. Felicia in Shrek's arms, Puss curled up on her lap, and Farkle was taking up most of the seat he was supposed to share with his brother. "Do you want Farkle to move so you can lie down too?"

The child wordlessly shook his head, as he sat rigidly upright, staring at the floor. Farkle spread out a little more in response.

"Oh," Fiona sat up, "Do you want to come here?" she held her arms out a little to him.

His eyes flashed up to hers, he bit his lip, nodding gently. He began to move but stopped abruptly, shaking his head.

Her eyebrows knitted in concern, "Honey, are you okay?" She desperately didn't want him to complain about needing the toilet. They had stopped more times than they had accounted for already because the three of them couldn't synchronise their bladders. Fiona had tried to control how much they drank in order to keep stop times to a minimum, but clearly the excitement was far too much for her children.

"I don't feel well," Fergus mumbled in reply, shifting a little.

Just as Fiona thought she knew each of her children like the back of her hand, she found out Fergus was apparently travelsick.


Fergus had his head buried into Shrek's shoulder as they left the carriage for a longer unexpected stop than they had wanted. They had cleaned up as best they could and had eventually gotten in the way so much, the dwarf driver had insisted they leave while he finished up. The family were left to wander down the unlit streets. It was nice to stretch their legs, but they would have preferred to choose a different place, perhaps one with less people they may encounter. The ogres were well known, but in different places, further from Far Far Away and their home, they weren't that well known. In such darkness, they were probably only able to be recognised as ogres before anyone could register exactly who they were.

"Perhaps this isn't the best place to take a walk, boss," Puss voiced the ogre's concerns.

"Aye," he looked around, "We should'a stayed by the carriage."

Fiona turned back from where she walked ahead, the two children dancing around her, "He wanted us gone, Shrek..."

"Aye, so let's wait just here," the ogre stopped.

Puss hopped up upon his shoulder and surveyed the darkness, "It doesn't look like anyone is here to see us."

"A good place t' wait," Shrek confirmed, Puss nodding his agreement.

"Hey Felicia look at this!" Farkle was ahead, pointing around a street corner, "There's lights!"

Before anyone could react, Felicia was sprinting forward towards her brother and they both took off, squealing and laughing, pushing each other in their race.

"No, wait!" Fiona began after them, but stopped turning back to her husband, "Shrek!"

Sighing, he approached quickly. "What're they doing now?" he spoke quietly to Fergus who had raised his head a little in the commotion, the child simply shrugged and buried his face again. What Fiona was urgently pointing at was quite clearly a tavern, and indeed the inside was lit and alive despite the late hour. Best of all, two of his children were already practically inside. Well, he thought to himself, a bunch of humans are about to get quite a surprise tonight. Shrek then sprang into action as they watched the doors to the building swing shut, he almost threw Fergus into Fiona's arms and chased his unruly children. "Puss," he spoke in a low voice, "Make sure no one comes in after me."

"Got it," the cat pounced off of his shoulder, drawing his sword.

"Shrek," Fiona quietly called after him, he turned a little, "Just don't make a scene."

Rolling his eyes, his shook his head. Fiona was so conscious of their image whenever they were closer to Far Far Away. Quite frankly, the ogre hated the new image he had been given since his rescue of the kingdom. Besides, the scene had probably already been made by the kids, and truthfully Shrek didn't care what anyone thought of him when it came to the safety of his children. Setting a deep scowl on his face, he roughly shoved open the doors, nearly colliding with his daughter, whose face turned from shock into a sheepish smile. He swept Felicia up with one arm and placed the child down behind him. The ogre then took his time to survey the tavern, several people dotted around the room in various states of intoxication. The majority of the onlookers had clearly spotted him already, staring open mouthed, or edging slowly away. But where his attention rested was a group of men crowded around his son. He took a breath, a big one, prepared to release a terrifying roar, when his wife's words replayed in his head, don't make a scene. He let go of his breath in a resounding sigh. In different circumstances he might not have entirely listened to her wishes, but they still had a lot of travelling to do in a very confined space, with three misbehaving children, one of them sick no less. Somehow it didn't seem like a good idea. He slowly approached, he could feel Felicia hovering behind him, the childish curiosity winning over the need to return to her mother. Though Shrek could see Farkle was in no immediate danger, the worry swept over him. Humans were trouble, in the best of circumstances. The child had been backed up against the wall, but stood firmly with his hands on his hips, in fact, if he listened closely he could hear a slight growl emanating from his little body.

Shrek firmly took hold of a man's shoulder, not leaving him any time to see who the intruder was before pushing him away with a yelp.

"Excuse me lads," he spoke gaining their sudden attention. They all backed away, gasping. "If I could just have that back," he gestured to the little ogre, "you can all get back t' whatever ye were doing before." Given the opening, Farkle ran over to his father, Shrek sweeping him off the ground before anyone else could touch him.

"Huh," one of the men softly spluttered, "Maybe you shouldn't lose part of yer litter of beast things."

Shrek paused, Fiona would want him to leave it, and the kids probably wanted nothing more than to leave. But it reminded him too much of the old days, it felt good. He had to. Before the ogre could think about what he was doing, he reached out with his spare hand and grabbed the overconfident speaker by the neck of his tunic, bringing him closer. "What did you just say?" In the corner of his eye he watched his son's face light up and he was sure he heard a quiet squeal of excitement from his daughter. Shrek smirked into the human's face, who was suddenly silent, mouth sewn into a firm line, shaking his head frantically. Sneering, the ogre threw the man back down. "C'mon," he planted a hand firmly on his daughter's back and pushed her through the doors of the tavern back out into the darkness.

He was immediately met by Puss, "The coast is clear, boss." Shrek nodded his thanks, finally turning his gaze to his relief strewn wife. Fiona threw a hand to her chest as Farkle wriggled his way out of Shrek's grasp and ran over to her, jumping around and tugging at her skirt.

"They were fine," Shrek stated as he joined them. Fergus finally peeled his face from his mother's shoulder to look.

"Mommy! It was so cool!" Farkle couldn't contain his excitement, "Felicia went in but she turned around but I didn't and-and I got stuck but dad went like this, and then like this..."

Fiona shot a glare at Shrek as Farkle exaggeratedly retold his account of the events, "Oh did dad really? Hmm?"

"Look, I had to," he gave his wife a nonchalant shrug, as she shook her head at him.

"What were they?" Fergus seemed to ask his sister, he meekly pointed back to the tavern, "Inside there?"

"They were hunters," Felicia dropped her voice to a whisper in response.

"What?" Shrek knitted his eyebrows, she nodded her confirmation, "No they weren't," Shrek looked questioningly at his daughter, "Well, I mean some of 'em might be, but they're all just humans," he looked to all three of his children, "Ye need t'be careful around humans, okay?"

"But-but humans are nice, they're all in Far Far Away," Felicia pointed to the sky, before pointing back to the tavern, "Those were nasty, those were hunters."

Shrek suddenly realised her confusion as her brothers nodded along with her point. He looked to his wife, who met his gaze with sad eyes. They had tried to make out humans as nice people, friendly, people of their kingdom. More so, that they were normal, just like any other species, just like them. It was hunters that they were warned of, people carrying lit torches and pitchforks, people creeping in the night. Except all the hunters were human. It pained Shrek to think about how sheltered his children were in regards to their species. They didn't understand that people wouldn't like them, simply because they'd never come across it before. They didn't understand how prejudiced humans were. They didn't understand many things Shrek had known since he was able to walk. But it was a difficult situation, what with all of their human family, and the people of Far Far Away; they couldn't poison the triplets' views. It seemed their prejudice free children had just received their first lesson.