ImPORTANT NOTE: Possible trigger warning in this one! Very slight mentions of suicide exist. If you're sensitive to that, proceed with caution.
DiSCLAIMER: In no way am I trying to glorify said subjects, and am adamantly against it. There are resources available to help anyone who wants to reach out.
Sometimes I want to smack Leandra myself for the things she says, and this is one of those times.

Onward.

Chapter Two

There I was. Sleeping. Not bothering anybody. Just minding my own business, and all was right with the world.

I jumped, yelping as I was suddenly pounced on. In instinct, I rolled. And when they held on, I rolled again, until I rolled us both off the side of the bed. Though still half asleep, I recognized Andrew's groan as we both hit the floor. The blanket and sheets landing on us.

"Andrew?" I gasped, rubbing my eye as I pushed myself up. "What the hell?" He was laughing, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry." He chuckled. "Esme said you were still sleeping, and I couldn't help myself."

"W-What time is it?" I was incredibly disoriented, so I must have been asleep for quite awhile. "Wait. Why are you here?"

"It's almost three, lazy butt." He stood, helping me up. I sat heavily on the side of the bed, surprised at the headache I had. "My dad brought me over here to see you."

"Wow." I mumbled. "I never sleep this long."

"You've been through a lot." He said, his smile fading. "After last night.."

"You heard about that?" I murmured sadly, looking down.

"Everybody's heard about it." He said as if it were obvious. "Leandra, the entire school was talking about it today." That was news to me. "I guess they were bragging about it. About how you ran away from them. It doesn't take long for something like that to get around." I groaned, laying to the side. "Especially not in a town where everybody knows everybody."

"My stomach hurts." I sighed, turning my face into the blanket. I grabbed a pillow, hiding my face under it.

"Leandra, I don't blame you for running." He said, shaking his head and taking the pillow from me so I didn't suffocate myself. "You're so much smaller than those three cows." I scoffed a little.

"Thanks." I replied, sitting back up. "I should have been braver, though. I can't believe I ran." I covered my face, humiliated.

"Really." He said. "If you hadn't ran, they would have probably smashed you." I looked down, realizing what he was saying was true. It didn't make me feel any better, though.

"What they did was so unfair." He paused. "Zack got suspended today."

"What?" I asked, looking over at him, surprised. "For what?"

"Hitting Ryan." He laughed a little. "Knocked him out first hit." My jaw dropped and I laughed a little.

"That sixth grader? What for?" I turned a little to face him. It was hard to imagine Zack fighting. I didn't know him that well, but he didn't exactly look like the fighting type. Then again, I probably didn't either.

"Zack was defending you." Andrew answered. "Ryan was saying all this crap about how you deserved it, and had just been begging for someone to do what they did to you. I would have hit him myself, but Zack got to him first."

"Wow." I muttered, trying to picture that.

"Yeah." Andrew replied. "You should see that kid fight. Perfect aim, perfect hit.. He just runs up, and swings. Bam. Ryan dropped, but Zack's the one that got into trouble." We both laughed a little.

"Who knew he had it in him?" I asked. "But no. Don't you go hitting people. Nothing they say is worth you getting into trouble for. And tell Zack to knock it off, too. It's one thing for me to fight at school, but I don't want your dad telling you to stay away from me."

"He gets it, Leandra." He shook his head. "He wouldn't do that."

"Just in case." I replied. "Be good, okay?"

"No promises." He said, taking my hand. He sighed, shaking his head. "I should have gone with you."

"No." I corrected. "Then you'd have probably gotten beat up too. Just for walking with me, like Josh said." He smiled sadly, keeping his eyes down. "I bet Josh just loves me now after his brother got suspended for sticking up for me."

That got him to laugh a little.

"Why do you do it?" He asked, looking over and meeting my eyes. "Why do you fight? I mean, I get you getting mad over what they say, but.. I've never met anyone like you, Leandra. I just don't get why you get mad so easily. I've never known anyone who just.. Hits people like that." I looked down, unsure how to answer. He was quiet for a moment, before continuing quietly. "Dad says you're just misunderstood."

I sensed the conversation heading in a direction I was sensitive about. Our talks had never done that before, and I wasn't sure how to react. I'd never had to be defensive around him before, even with all the stuff with my mom. I looked over, meeting his eyes again.

"What happened?" He asked sadly. "To make you that way?" And there it was. The sensitive question. I was quiet. I hated being put on the spot like this.

"I just wanna know you better." He said after a minute of solid silence. "I mean, yeah, we always talk, but never about why you're so mad all the time. Sometimes, it's like.. I don't know. Sometimes when I look at you, you're so sad. You seem so tired. Just worn out. Like you're handling something that you can't handle." He paused. "Like right now."

He saw more than I gave him credit for. I looked back down, my free hand smoothing my pajama pants. Something I always did when I was nervous.

"Then, when I look at you again, you're just.. Normal. Like what I'd seen before wasn't really there." He continued. "Then out of the blue, you're mad enough to hurt people. What happened?"

"I.." I couldn't make my voice work. I wanted to trust him, to tell him that I wasn't normal, but I was so afraid that he'd just leave. So I did what I always did when I was with him. I hid it. I forced a believable smile, shaking my head as I looked over. "Nothing. I just hate people, I guess."

He didn't believe me. Not one bit. Why was this coming up all of a sudden? Why did he have to suddenly look so close? I would have been perfectly happy with keeping things the way they were. When we could just hang out together and never have to bring up anything having to do with our past. My past was my biggest weakness, and though I knew he didn't know that, it irritated me that he'd poke me there.

I sighed, reaching over and grabbing a pillow. Smacking him upside the head with it.

"Don't be so serious." I said. "Tell me about Ryan. Did he make that funny sound when he hit the concrete?" He sighed, but laughed a little.

"Yeah." He replied. "He hit it pretty hard, too. Zack hurt his hand pretty bad, but I think he'll be okay."

"I gotta teach him how to throw a punch." I said, forcing myself to my feet. He hung onto my hand, refusing to let it go and standing with me. "And at least I know the principal suspends other people too. I was starting to think he just hated me."

He trailed after me as I left the room. I was surprised to find Richard still here, talking quietly with Esme and Carlisle in the living room.

"Ah." Richard said, having noticed my presence. "She lives. How are you feeling, honey?"

"Good." I lied. "Just a little sore." My head was still killing me.

"I should have insisted I drive you home." He said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." I shook my head. "You did insist. You just knew you wouldn't win." He chuckled, shaking his head well.

"We were just discussing plans for you this weekend." Esme murmured, and I looked to her.

"For me?" I asked. "What plans?"

"Well, Edward and Bella are going on their trip to Florida this weekend, and we thought you wouldn't mind getting to spend some extra time with Andrew." She said. "To get you out of the house for awhile." I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, unsure. I've been getting out of the house all the time. Something in her eyes told me to just go with it.

"So.." I mumbled, not wanting to bring it up right then. "All weekend?"

"Friday evening to Sunday morning." She agreed, nodding.

"Sure." I said, smiling a little. I wouldn't question any extra time with Andrew out loud. Not right away, at least. I hadn't spent the night away from home before. Not since they'd been back, so I was a little nervous. Hesitant.

It was only Wednesday, so I had time to question once they'd left. Andrew and his dad left not long after that. I requested Andrew tell Zack thanks for me. He agreed, and offered me a smile. A normal one, like he always used to.

It made me nervous, because I knew he hadn't forgotten about the question he'd asked me before. Neither had I. It was the most pressing thing on my mind. Well, second most pressing thing.

"Can I ask what's going on?" I asked Esme, fighting with a bottle of Tylenol. "Or is it something you don't wanna answer?" I needed to take something for this headache. It was really getting to me.

"I'm not sure what you mean." She replied, smiling a little. I didn't trust that smile.

"Well.." I said. "Let's see. I almost got beat up yesterday, by walking through town. Staying out later than I should have, after getting into a fight that could have hurt another kid.." I groaned a little, biting the lid to the Tylenol bottle as if that would magically work to open it. "And now, I get to stay the weekend with a boy. With only a human to watch me. Something has to be- What the fuck?" I inspected the bottle, seeing if there was some sort of special code to the bottle. She gently took the bottle from me and opened it in under a second. Handing me one of the pills inside. "It must like you better." She laughed a little at that.

"We just think it might help you adjust." She replied. "It'll be good for you to spend some more time with your human friend." That made sense, so I only narrowed my eyes a little. I didn't ask any further.

"Just please." Carlisle stood with a sigh. "Stay out of trouble."

"Trouble finds me." I said. "It doesn't just find me. It hunts me down. I'll do what I can to stay away from it, but I can't promise anything." They knew I was being sarcastic. Something I couldn't help doing.

I sighed, sitting. I wanted to ask something, but I didn't know how to word it.

"Esme, I have a question." I mumbled quietly. She looked my way, letting me know she was listening. "How.." I paused, pursing my lips a little. "How do you.. Keep people from looking too closely?" She seemed confused, so I sighed. "Andrew's noticed I'm not normal. He asked me about it today. I don't want to tell him the truth."

"Why not?" Carlisle asked, interested.

"Because it'll just.. Freak him out. He won't wanna be around me anymore. Besides, something like that is too much for someone like him. I don't want to weigh him down."

"Honey." Esme smiled, trying to comfort me. "It's not that he sees that you're not normal. He sees what we see. That you're struggling, and having a hard time with something. He only wants to help you, and the best way he knows to do that, is to ask you what's bothering you." That made sense, too.

"He's nervous." I glanced back as Jasper and Alice descended the stairs. "He's scared for you."

I shook my head a little. "That still doesn't.. I mean, I don't want to lie to him, but.. I can't tell him the truth. Going there this weekend is just going to make it harder."

"You trust him, don't you?" Jasper asked, and I sighed.

"Yeah, I do, but-"

"Then tell him." He said. "Leandra, there is a reason you trust him the way you do. There's a reason you get along so well with him."

"Because he never gave up." I replied quietly. "He's done a lot for me, too."

"Exactly." He said. "Every single person you've ever known in your life has failed you. At one point or another, they've all hurt you. Given up, moved on, left you behind." I looked down. "Hit you, or broke your heart. Be it physical, or emotional, all you've experienced is pain. Even we've hurt you. Unintentionally, but we've added to that. Andrew is different. He's been there with you this entire time, and never once hurt you." I didn't know what to say. "You're not worried about weighing him down. You're protecting yourself."

"I know I don't have to.."

"Wrong." He replied. "Leandra, it's not about have to or don't have to. It's about what is. This is more complicated than trying to figure out a way to keep him from looking too closely. Just the thought, the very idea of letting him in scares you." He paused. "It absolutely terrifies you because once you tell him, that'll give him all he needs to hurt you."

He wasn't wrong. I just hadn't realized how right he was before.

"You're afraid of being vulnerable." He went on. "And you know that telling him will put you into a very vulnerable position. You trust him, but you're afraid. You're afraid that he'll turn out just like the rest. You're afraid that he'll wind up doing what everybody else in your life has done."

I kept my eyes down. I hated how Jasper saw everything.

"He's afraid for you, and just wants to understand, but you're afraid that when he finally understands, he'll turn around and use it against you. Or even that he'll accept it, but somehow, you'll still wind up losing him." Jasper translated my emotions better than I could. "The only way for you to know for sure, is to tell him. Let yourself be an open book, so to speak, just to find that reassurance. That little something that tells you that he isn't like the rest. Do you follow?"

I kept quiet, sighing.

"It's not about him looking too closely." Jasper murmured. "It's about you being afraid to trust him not to hurt you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, once he understands."

"I hate how you're always right." I grumbled, standing. He chuckled.

"Sorry, Leandra." He replied. "My advice? Don't close yourself off. Taking these risks is a part of living. Of being human."

"Too bad that isn't something I can do." I grumbled. "I'll figure something out. Maybe he'll believe I was raised by wolves." I sighed, leaving the room. Understanding my dilemma didn't make it any easier to solve. So I was afraid of trusting. Who knew?

To my surprise, Jasper followed.

"Leandra, would you mind a word?" He asked, and I shrugged a little.

"I don't mind." I said, though I knew he'd talk to me whether I minded or not. He nodded, following me into my room.

He closed the door behind himself, and sighed, turning as I sat on my bed.

"What's up?" I asked, though I knew it was something pretty heavy if it bothered him this badly. He glanced to the door as if he were hoping someone would come in and do this for him.

"I'm concerned." He began. "To put it mildly. We all are."

"About what?" I found myself confused.

"We've been back in your life for close to two months now." He reasoned, and I shook my head a little, looking back down. It was that subject. "And so far, you're still alone. Let me explain."

I waited as he paused, gathering his thoughts.

"When Carlisle and Esme intitially made the decision to foster you, it wasn't on a whim. It was for a reason, Leandra."

"I know." I mumbled.

"It was so you'd have somewhere to go, with someone you trusted." He continued. "After what you'd been through, there was no other place Carlisle trusted enough to take you than with us."

"I know." I sighed again.

"I understand the need to take your time. I do. Believe me, it's only understandable." He paused.

"But?" I asked.

"But.." He sighed. "You only seem to be closing yourself off more. Instead of trying to trust again, the main reason they took you in in the first place. You're hesitant. Your reactions, your emotions. The things you say tell me you're holding back. Hiding."

"I know I am." I murmured, and that seemed to surprise him. "Jasper, I'm not the same. I'm never gonna be the same person I was before you left. I thought everyone got that."

"We do." He said. "We only want a little bit of your tension to ease between being out there, and coming home. From what I've seen, you're as defensive when you're home as when you're at school."

"Not true." I shook my head. "I'm just.. I dunno.. Defensive in another way."

"I haven't noticed a difference." He reasoned. "That display yesterday? With Alice? That's the same reaction you give others."

"I didn't mean to snap at her like that." I looked down, sighing. "I know she didn't deserve it. I'm just so tired of people pointing out things I can't get right. Everything I do wrong. I know she didn't mean to make it sound like that, but that's how I saw it." I stood. "Jasper, it's not that I don't want to trust you, it's-"

"You can't." He said. "I get it."

"No." I shook my head. "I'm having a hard time getting to know myself." His eyes narrowed in confusion. "Carlisle says that Jack isn't right. That everything he ever told me was a lie. Jasper, I can't find a difference in what he told me, and how I feel.." I trailed off for a breath.

"I'm trying to learn to trust myself, before I try to trust someone else." I explained quietly. "It's hard to do that. Plus, everybody else around here hates me just as much as I hate myself." His eyes studied me. "I can't help but believe what someone else tells me about myself, because I don't see where they're wrong, but.. If what they say is all I am, then what do I do?"

I sat back down, my arms hugging my stomach.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust anything."

I knew my little rant was confusing. It was confusing enough to hopefully make him see how confused I was about myself. I'd never really explained it this way before. I'd started to with Carlisle the day before, but he calmed me down before I could continue.

"What do I do, Jasper?" I asked. "Because I don't know."

"You're overwhelmed. You're trying too hard to figure out why things happened the way they did." He paused. "When you really should be focusing on how much what happened has changed you."

"Changed me, how?" I asked, frowning a little.

"You're right." He replied. "You're not the same, but you're trying to be. You want to be the same as you were before we left you, and that's never going to happen. You're trying to solve things, to find a solution by thinking the way you used to. Maybe you should just take a step back, and take a look around you before trying to move forward."

"I can't do that." I shook my head, frustrated.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because if I stop moving forward, I won't wanna start again." His eyes narrowed. "I'm so close to giving up already." That was something I'd never admitted before. Not to anyone.

"Giving up?" He asked, surprised. "What exactly does that mean?"

"You know." I said, shrugging a little as I looked back down. "Just.. Taking the hint. Giving up. It wouldn't be hard to."

"You can't just give up." He replied firmly. "I don't understand."

"Yeah." I sighed. "I know you don't."

"Whatever it is, we can figure out a way."

"There isn't a way." I finally snapped. "I wish everyone would just stop bugging me about the way I am. Sometimes I think everyone would just be better off if I was dead."

I knew I'd shocked him by saying that. How much, I was just about to find out.

"I'm sorry." I heard Emmett call loudly from the other room. "I don't think I heard you right. What?"

Both Jasper and I ignored him, but I had to look up at Jasper's silence.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear my ten-year-old little sister say that." To my surprise this time, he was angry. I turned, looking at him.

"You're mad?" I asked, nervously now.

"Yes." He replied. "I'm quite angry."

"Why?"

"It was explained to you long ago that no matter how bad things seem, it always gets better." He murmured, carefully controlling his tone. "And you're willing to.. What? Just throw all of that away? You don't even know what you're saying."

Once my initial surprise passed, his anger triggered my own. Whether he meant it to or not, it did. My eyes narrowed, and instantly, I was defensive again. I knew he felt that too, which only made me more defensive.

Oddly, it felt a lot like how I felt before every fight at school. I suddenly felt too mean. I knew my anger was probably not helping his anger, but I couldn't help it.

"Maybe it doesn't get any better for me." I said sharply. "Maybe it only gets better for certain people. Maybe this all I get. Maybe I was just.. Born to be the one people hurt when they wanna feel better about themselves. I don't wanna live if that's all I get."

"Leandra, stop talking." Jasper said tightly. "I don't want to hear this. Not from you."

"You asked how I was feeling!" I shouted. "This is it! What? Am I supposed to lie to you too? Act like everything is just fucking fine? I'm not normal!"

"You're not even trying." He growled. "You're not giving it enough time."

I hesitated, panting a little in my anger. Holding his gaze for several seconds. My breathing trembled with how hard I fought with myself.

Don't reply, I told myself. Don't say anything. Don't. Do. It. Don't fucking do it!

I growled in return. "I am trying! You're not in my head twenty-four-seven. You don't know what I live with!" I bit my tongue, turning with a sob through clenched teeth. Fighting so hard to get myself under control.

"I'd know, if you'd talk to us." He replied. "Leandra, we want to help you, but we can't help you if you don't let us."

"You don't wanna help me." I shook my head. "Nobody does. Why don't you all just do what everybody does? Give up. Just.." I tried hard to stop myself, but I couldn't. "Just make it easy on yourself. Throw it away, and never look at it again. You'd be better off if I wasn't around making your lives hell, anyway. Everybody would be better off."

"Leandra-"

"Just go. Get out." I growled, turning to look at him. "I'm done. Don't worry. I'll wait until later to kill myself."

I knew the second I said it that I'd chosen the wrong threat to fling.

I was partly confused that nobody rushed in to yell at me. Maybe they were trusting Jasper to handle it? I didn't get a chance to concentrate too much on that, as Jasper actually replied to what I said instead of doing as I said.

"Now you listen to me." His tone changed so much, it took me off guard. "If you ever say those words again, I will personally see to it that you change your tune."

I could see I'd started an argument with someone as stubborn and hard-headed as I was. I wasn't backing down, and neither was he.

"No you won't." I scoffed, and his eyes narrowed.

"Don't test me." He shook his head. "The way you're talking, what you're saying is so unbelievably selfish."

Ha. What?

"Selfish?" I asked. "You think I'm being selfish? I'm being selfish?" My voice rose each time I asked that. "What about you? Last time I checked, you're the selfish one! I'm not the one that breaks every promise you ever made to someone for your own selfish reasons!"

This was already so much worse than anything I'd said before, and if I didn't get myself under control soon, it would get even worse. His eyes had narrowed, and I knew he was upset with me.

Leandra, shut up! Shut up! Shut up, shut up! Shut the hell up! Despite telling myself that, I continued.

"You're the selfish one, Jasper! Not me! I'd be doing everybody a motherfucking favor-"

"Take a step back." To my surprise, Esme actually did walk in. "Both of you." There was no arguing with her tone. "Jasper, walk away."

But he wasn't ready to, and neither was I.

"Why?" I scoffed. "He-" I cut off as Jasper spoke up.

"No. Listen to me now. It's my turn to talk." His firm voice wasn't a shout, but it did the trick. "You want so badly to be heard and listened to, but that goes both ways, and you've gone far enough your direction. I don't need to hear anymore. Let's just tone that down a little bit."

I glanced down briefly. With no warning whatsoever, every bit of my anger was gone, but instead of covering everything, he left me with the emotion that always sparked my anger. The pain. The swelling emotional heartbreak that always hid just below the anger I showed.

He left that there, but without the anger there to ease it, I felt it full force and that was enough to make me sit down on the side of my bed. I couldn't even breathe at first, much less cry. He knew what he was doing. I knew he hated turning my emotions against me, but I also knew I didn't leave him much choice. This was just as painful as any physical hit I'd ever gotten.

"You can give up on your life all you want, Leandra, but don't you dare expect us to do the same." Jasper went on firmly. "As long as I'm around, you have no choice but to keep going, because I'll always be a step behind you, pushing you forward when you choose to stop."

I was quiet, so he continued.

"Don't you assume to know what it's like. Don't you dare tell me I haven't tried, because you and I both know that is unbelievably false." My eyes stayed on his. "You will not use that language or that tone again. Carlisle might not correct you, but I sure as hell will."

"Thank you!" I heard Emmett call from the living room.

"You will settle down. You will stop with the disrespect, because I know you know better than that. You will not even think about those words again." I carefully bit my slightly trembling lower lip, nodding. "Am I clear?"

"Yes." I whimpered.

"There will be no more talk of 'ending it'." He said. "Am I clear?"

"Yes." I said again. "I'm sorry." He sighed, hearing my tone. I'd calmed significantly. Under all the pain, I now saw clearly how completely out of line I had gone.

"Good." He replied sharply. "If you ever.. Ever utter those words again.." He trailed off, shaking his head. I looked down, closing my eyes at remembering exactly what I'd said. Words could not describe exactly how ashamed I was of myself at that moment. I was sure he had something to do with that too.

"Leandra, I didn't want to do that." He said after a minute of complete silence. "Anger is your way of coping with that pain you feel. It's your mind's natural defense against it, but it's spilling over into every aspect of your life. That includes us now, I guess."

"I know." My voice was tight, but right before I could start to cry, he eased some of the pain too. He left just enough for me to feel it, but not enough to overwhelm me.

"Going through life blinded by that anger is a sure way to lose." He went on as my tears scattered free. "That pain you feel is there to teach you things nobody else can. Maybe you need to spend some time with it to really understand just how wrong you are. That's what's going to happen. You're going to sit in here for awhile, and use that time to think about correcting all the areas of your behavior that desperately need correcting." It wasn't an option. I nodded silently. "Okay."

With that, he turned. Striding from the room, and shutting the door behind him. Esme stayed. He wasn't gone three seconds before I was curled up on my bed, in real tears. Sighing, Esme sat on the side of my bed.

I did understand, which was why it was effective. I knew everything he was saying about that pain, and the anger I used to protect myself. I'd just never had that anger taken away, and having that pain used against me the way it was was sure an eye-opener. Jasper was correcting me, which to be honest, was needed.

I'd been treating my family worse and worse, and talking that way to them was wrong. Saying those things to Jasper was incredibly uncalled for. Shouting what I'd shouted, I knew, hurt the entire family. Threatening to take my life like it didn't even matter was exactly enough to push Jasper far enough to react.

He'd never physically hit me, I was sure of that, but using the way I felt against me like that was more than effective enough.

I knew I was in the wrong. I knew it. I'd known it while I was doing it, but I'd never expected that, which was just enough to get me to change my tune like he said he would. It didn't hurt as bad anymore. I still cried, though. Not because he did it, but because of how I acted. I felt terrible. Horrible for pushing him that far. It only added to that heartbreak.

I cried for about thirty minutes, but I continued to lay there. Thinking. Esme stayed with me, sitting quietly. I knew she didn't disagree, but she didn't want to leave me in here alone. Adding more pain to my already hurting heart, I realized why. I honestly hadn't meant the things I said, but she wasn't going to take chances. I'd scared her.

I examined it, though. Like he suggested. I got to know the pain I did feel, and it told me things I didn't want to hear. I was hurting so badly over the things that happened to me in my life. I'd known that before, but having all those scars out in the open again, without the anger over them like a band-aid, told me I'd been doing it wrong. I had just been making them worse the more I lashed out.

I should have been holding onto my family, not pushing them away. What Carlisle said finally started to sink in. I needed to figure out how to not be so independent, even if that's all they wanted before. I had a family now. I needed to start acting like it. I had to let them help me.

I made a promise to myself then that I would hold my tongue around my family. No matter how mad I got at them, I would refuse to throw everything back at them. I had been acting selfishly. It wasn't fair to them for me to place all the blame I had on myself onto them. It wasn't fair to them for me to place all the blame I held for everybody else onto them. Not when they cared the most for me.

After enough thinking, I closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whimpered into my pillow. I felt like I needed to apologize to Esme first, because she'd stayed with me. I didn't mean to let her down so hard.

"Leandra.." She sighed, turning a bit to face me easier. "There's no way you could have known it, but that's one of our biggest fears. That, right there, is how you scare an entire house of vampires."

I looked down.

"We don't want to lose you." Her voice really reflected her emotion, and I hated that it rivaled my own.

"I didn't mean it."

"I'm afraid that doesn't work in this case." She murmured. "Honey, words like that aren't just words. You cannot just say things like that, and then try to fix it later. It's not a game, Leandra. That is not something to play around with, and it's certainly not something for you to use as a weapon against us. It is not funny."

I didn't like her scolding. She had the softest, gentlest scolding voice I'd ever heard, but at the same time, it was far more effective than the loudest shouting voice I'd heard.

"I know." I whimpered. "I know it's not funny. I wasn't trying to be funny."

"There are other ways to get your point across." She said. "Of course we would want you to come to us if you're ever actually feeling like that, so we can do something about it, but when you play with it, that's very wrong. Do you understand the difference?"

I sniffled, nodding into my pillow. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to be apologizing to, Leandra." She told me. "Every one of us love you and care about you more than you can ever possibly imagine. You've hurt a lot of hearts today, but I'm not the one that needs your apology the most." I laid quietly, but I knew she was right. "So what do you think you should do?"

Without any more prompting, I sat up with a tearful sniffle and headed for the door. I paused, looking back as Esme stayed seated on my bed. She had her eyes down, and the sadness I saw in her expression was something I absolutely never wanted to see again.

I felt sick that I was the one that caused it.

I stepped carefully out of my room, hoping it was okay to come out. Nobody told me not to, so I wandered slowly up the hall. As full as the living room was, it was eerie how silent it was.

I kept my eyes down, glancing up now and then through tears. I noticed I had everyone's attention. Aside from Jasper, who kept his eyes down.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. "For how I was acting before. It wasn't right, and I know I never should have said the things I said." I paused, waiting for someone to say something.

Nothing came, so I kept trying. I looked to Jasper as he looked to me. His expression was a very controlled sort of disappointment and calm.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. For what I said to you. I was just mad, I guess, but that doesn't mean I should say those things. And.." I paused, looking down. "Thank you. For shutting me up." He looked back down as well. "I won't do it again. I promise never to yell at you guys again, but I can't promise anything when it comes to everybody else."

My voice was a lot quieter when I spoke again.

"Just please.." I fought a losing battle against the tears in my eyes and my voice. "Don't give up on me. I'm just scared. Don't give up on me." I glanced up as Carlisle stood, looking to him now. "Please. I'm trying. I don't know what I'm doing, and it might take some time to figure it out, but I swear. I am trying as hard as I can."

I watched as Carlisle crossed the room to me, sniffling quietly.

"It's just so hard." I whimpered, closing my eyes around the few tears that scattered down my cheeks. "I get so sad sometimes. I'm sorry. I'm trying the best way I know how. I don't know why I said that, but.. Please don't give up on me."

He didn't reply right away, only lifting me into a hug. I didn't hesitate in returning it this time. I was just grateful he hugged me at all. After what I'd said.

"Never." He said. "We've never given up, or lost hope in you, Leandra. Not once. It's never wavered, or faltered. And it never will. No matter how much time passes. No matter what you say, or what you do, we will never lose our faith in you.

"I know you're trying. I see your efforts. I see them, and I want you to know how proud I am of you. Even if you lose your faith in yourself, ours will always be there. Even if you give up on yourself, we never will. It takes much more than you're capable of to make us give up. You can cry, scream, curse at us all you want. It will not change how much we care about you."

"Like it or not, shorty," Emmett spoke almost solemnly from the couch. "You're stuck with us."

Having myself comforted this way, even after I'd said all I'd said, meant more to me than I even thought possible. It was exactly what I needed to begin trusting them again, and after I calmed down, I found it easier to breathe.

So close to how it used to be, but not quite there yet. I knew it'd be some time before it got to that point, but now that I just partly believed that they weren't going anywhere, I felt just a shred of hope returned to me.

I was starting to see that they really did mean it.

"I'm sorry." Jasper spoke finally. "For.. That."

"I'm not." I said, shaking my head. "I know why you did it. I was.. So far out of line, I couldn't even see it anymore." I sighed heavily, sniffling quietly and making no move to hop down. "It won't be needed again. I promise."

"Good." Jasper replied. "Because that bothered me so much. My ability is supposed to be used to help people. Not turn their emotions against them like that."

"Don't worry." I murmured. "It's okay."

"Does this mean you're going to be fun again?" Emmett asked. "Not some angry little animal?"

"No promises." I mumbled, but smiled a little. His description was so accurate, it was funny. I thought of something, looking to Carlisle. "I'm not grounded or anything am I? I mean, I get it if I am, but.. I still kind of wanna go to Andrew's on Friday."

"No, Leandra. You'll still be going to his house." I nodded, relieved. "But how well you behave there will determine whether or not you go back." I pursed my lips in nervousness, sighing. "I mean it. No fighting. I have to believe that you'll be safe."

"Just watch a ton of movies while you're there." Emmett suggested. "Sit around and do nothing like a normal kid."

"No fighting." I said. "I won't."

Thursday passed, and I tried even harder.

I stayed out in the living room longer than I had in awhile, instead of hiding myself away like I usually did. Spending more time with Esme. Even managing to joke a little with Emmett. I found it easier to interact with them, what Jasper did having turned me right around. That little bit of correcting was exactly what I'd needed. He didn't over-do it. Not even close.

I knew what he'd done bothered him. Using my emotions against me like that. It would bother him for awhile, but it also told me he cared. Knowing how much it bothered him, and him being worried enough about how I acted to do it, told me what I needed to know. What I wasn't allowing myself to listen to before.

I didn't have to be at Andrew's until after dinner on Friday, so I was there when everybody else got home from school and work.

Late Friday afternoon, just before dinner, I stepped into the living room to find the news on. Again. Emmett and Jasper sat watching it closely, and I sat down between them on the couch. It seemed like they never stopped talking about Seattle.

I was quiet as I watched along with them. The disappearances and murders were growing quickly in the large city. The fact that it was enough for people to take notice worried me. Normally, things like this wasn't the only thing the news focused on. Now that it was, meant it must have been really bad.

The station went to a commercial, and Jasper muted the TV with a sigh.

"Sorry." I said, looking over at him. "Want me to move?"

"No." He replied, shaking his head. "No, it isn't you."

"Why is everyone so worried about what's going on in Seattle?" I asked, stretching my feet out to touch the coffee table in front of me. "They'll catch the guy soon, and it'll be over."

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with." Jasper sighed.

"Well, I noticed that the TV hasn't changed channels. Unless it's to another news channel. Why would what happens in Seattle matter to us? It's over three hours away."

"Don't worry about it." Emmett told me with a smile. "So, you excited, shorty?" I took the hint with his obvious attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah." I admitted quietly. "Should be fun. If he doesn't look too close. That movie idea doesn't sound so bad now. Just so he has something to watch besides me."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." Jasper said. "It'll work itself out. One way or another."

I thought about that, shaking my head a little. "I hope you're right."

Carlisle was the one that took me over there. I was nervous for reasons I couldn't understand. It was more than just hoping he wouldn't look too close. It was something else. Like a knot building in my stomach.

"Remember." I glanced back at Carlisle before I opened the car door. "Behave."

"I will." I said quietly. "Don't worry."

"I always will." He replied and I smiled a little, shaking my head as I stepped out.

He walked me to the door, even though I told him he didn't have to. It made sense when he wanted to talk with Richard, but Andrew was already leading me up the stairs.

"So how does this work?" I asked as we made it to his room.

"What?" He asked, laughing a little.

I hesitated. "I've never slept over at anyone's house before. Where.. Uh.." He seemed to understand.

"Well, you can sleep in my bed if you want, and I'll get the floor." He offered. "Or I can get the bed, and you the floor, or we can just sort of both camp on the floor. Or we can sort of trade off. I'm okay with whatever."

"I'll get the floor." I shrugged. It really didn't bother me. He nodded.

"Okay." He said. "If you change your mind, just tell me. You can leave your stuff anywhere." I neatly set my bag beside his dresser.

We returned downstairs to find Carlisle and Richard finishing their discussion.

"Don't worry about anything." Richard chuckled. "I promise, she'll be fine. She's always been very well behaved here."

Truthfully, I had.

After a few nervous goodbyes, I let him leave.

I figured out what I was nervous about that night. Before we'd even gone to sleep, I realized how much time I still had before I could go home. I was homesick already, and I'd only been there three hours.

We sat together on the couch, watching the end of some movie on TV before bed, but I wasn't paying any attention to it.

As much time as I'd spent with Andrew before, and as comfortable I was around him, this was hard on me. I hadn't spent the night away from home since they'd been back, and again, the familiar fear of them leaving while I was away crept into my stomach. Especially after the things I'd said the other day. Despite how often I was reassured, I was so afraid of being forgotten about.

It was a very painful feeling.

What if they didn't add me to their list of things to take? What if I'd completely blown any chances I'd had of ever belonging to them? Sure, Carlisle said they'd never give up on me. That didn't mean they wanted me to be their problem. Was that why they insisted I come here? So they could move away again?

That thought alone had me crying, to my horrible embarrassment.

"Hey." I looked away as Andrew saw my emotional state down my cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I cried, despite how I couldn't even look at him.

"Really." He said. "It's okay. You can tell me."

"I can't control my thoughts sometimes." I kept my face turned away.

"Oh. Don't even worry about it." He replied. He wasn't amused in the slightest, and that helped a little. "You're probably just homesick. Um.. Do you want to call them?"

"No. I already feel stupid."

"Don't." He insisted, leaning over and reaching for the phone. "Here. I'll even do it for you, so you don't have to feel bad." I couldn't help smiling a little. He smiled at me in return, easing my embarrassment even more. "Your dad said to call any time, right? For any reason? I don't think he'll mind."

I almost couldn't believe how nice he was being about this, not seeming in the least amused by my tears, but then again, I quickly realized that I wouldn't expect him to be.

I felt so stupid, but I let him call Carlisle for me. I sat there, blushing so bad as Andrew stood there explaining the situation over the phone. He didn't even seem embarrassed at all.

I was glad I let him, because it helped. A lot. After talking with Carlisle a little bit, I was fine. I heard no hint of what I'd heard in his voice last fall, and that eased me enough to be okay with going to sleep.

We fell asleep around eleven, me on my little nest of blankets made on the floor and Andrew on his bed next to me.

By glancing to the clock on the bedside table, I knew it was just passed two-thirty when Andrew woke me up. He was kneeling beside me on the floor, so I blinked up at him, surprised by my wet hair and pillow.

"You were crying." He whispered, concerned. "Bad dream?"

I whimpered, rolling over and covering my face as I realized what must have happened. That was something I hadn't even thought about. I had no way of explaining why I was crying in my sleep.

"I'm sorry." I cried. "I know I'm weird."

"No you're not." He frowned. "You're not weird. Why would you say that?" He gently rolled me back over, so he could look at my face. "You've just never spent the night at anyone's house before. It's okay, Leandra." He gave me a smile. "Really."

I laid there for a minute, looking up at him.

"I just don't like to see you cry." He said, obviously feeling a little embarrassed himself. "So I try to do what I can to keep that from happening."

There it was. That small something that told me he wasn't like the rest. If I'd not spent the night here, I'd probably never have seen it. He seemed a little uncomfortable, so I offered a small, brief smile, looking down at my hands on my stomach. Blinking left over tears from my eyes, I sighed.

As much as seeing that small something comforted me, it also worried me. It worried me because I knew I'd have to trust him soon. Whether I wanted to or not, I'd wind up trusting him. The last person I'd trusted enough to outright tell about Jack was Carlisle. The last person I'd even considered telling was Carlisle. Even talking to Charlie about it was for Carlisle.

I winced at the memory of Jack, my stepfather.

Reaching up and covering my eyes with the heels of my palms. Memories of him were something I still battled on a daily basis. Memories of all he'd do to me still hurt me, even if he was gone now.

It was those memories, that past with him that I was faced with telling Andrew now. I knew it wouldn't be tonight that I'd have to tell him, but it was still closer than I thought never would be.

"If the floor is uncomfortable.." He murmured. "There's a whole other half of my bed I'm not using. If you want. I won't mind."

I laughed a little at the way he said that, causing him to smile also. I nodded a little, sitting up. He quickly stood, and offered his hand to help me up.

"Can I have the side that's open?" I asked. His bed was situated in the corner.

"Sure." He said, pulling the blanket back all the way. He climbed in first, sitting with a small bounce nearest the wall. "Can I ask why?"

"I just.. Feel better." I said, sheepishly. "I can't sleep if there's something near my face. Blankets, pillows, walls, or whatever. It makes me feel closed in."

"Okay." He said, offering me a smile. "Just curious." I sighed and sat. Scooting under the blanket, and laying down. Facing the room. The light was turned out, and I found it surprisingly too easy to fall back to sleep. Even with his weight behind me.

A/N: I know this chapter is going to be the one to get me my very first bad review. Never in my entire FanFic career have I ever gotten a bad review, but now is as good a time as any, I suppose. Go easy on me. :{
Just a quick reminder, though. I don't think Leandra is built for an easy life. There's a lot of me in her, and I know when things start going good, something always comes up to ruin that or I sabotage myself.
ANYWAY!
THANK YOU to my reviewers of chapter one! THANK YOU! You're awesome!
Three shouldn't take too long. About as long as this one did, maybe less? Who knows lol
Until Three, guys! :D