ImPORTANT NOTE: It gets kinda dicey in this chapter, but nothing too bad.
Chapter Five
It'd been about a week since my adoption.
Just as I knew it wouldn't, nothing around the house changed. Aside from one thing. I started talking to Carlisle again like I used to. I was finally able to start to process things out loud like I used to, and it really confused him how I couldn't do that with any therapist or counselor they'd ever sent me to.
Of course there were still things I couldn't tell him. Things I refused to even mention or think about, but it was progress again. He was just as attentive as he always was, and that helped a lot. I actually felt like I'd taken a step forward after standing still for so long.
I still had my problems with my dreams, but even I had to admit that they weren't as intense anymore. Until one night in particular.
I was supposed to be going to Andrew's house the next day, so the family could hunt. I didn't pass it up. I was just fine with that, so I knew it wasn't nerves that caused this night's nightmares to be as bad as they were.
About the third time I woke up, I was getting so angry at the way I cried. I felt so stupid in so many ways, and the fact that I just couldn't let myself rest was making everything worse. I was so tired, so every emotion was overwhelming.
The fourth time I woke up, choking right through a panicking sob, all I did was sit there. I'd had my cry, so I sat there numbly. Staring, exhausted, at the bunched blanket in front of me, curled into an insecure upright ball on my pillow.
Carlisle had been the one to wake me up this time, and I knew he could see how tired I was. How worn down I was getting. He was looking at the result of the war between needing sleep so badly, and having a broken mind. One that turned against me without warning, and chose to keep me awake with memories I couldn't stand to watch over and over and over.
I considered a night bad if I woke up more than twice because of these dreams. A normal night was once or twice, and a good night was one that I got to sleep through.
I had no idea what caused a bad night. Why I could have a good one the night before, but a bad one the next. I knew Carlisle didn't know why either, because of the way he looked when he saw me torturing myself. I knew if he'd known the cause, he'd do everything he could to change it. That was another topic entirely.
It'd been awhile since I last had a bad night, so I should have been grateful, but I really wasn't. Not only were they exhausting, but it took a lot out of me in every other way. Unfortunately, my bad nights were things that took at least a day, sometimes two days to recover from.
"Perhaps it'll help you to talk about these dreams." Carlisle suggested quietly after enough silence. I looked over at him, staying quiet. Just a few weeks before, I would have instantly declined, but now I had to reconsider. There was no one else I felt safer with, and as of a week ago, he was officially my dad.
He'd already given me so much. The least I could do was try. The least I could do was try to help him understand me a little better. Give back just a bit of the effort he'd already given me.
"My dreams aren't just one thing." I mumbled in reply. "It's hard to.. I don't know how to talk about them, because.. It's not just one thing, but it's all at once. Everything just sort of piles up, and it takes a second after I wake up for everything to just shut off."
I knew he was surprised to finally get some kind of answer regarding talking about my dreams, but he shook that off.
"What stands out the most to you?" He prompted.
"The worst part of it is hearing his voice again." I admitted, keeping my eyes down. "When he used to talk to me before, it wasn't just.. I didn't just hear his voice, but I felt it too. I dunno if that makes any sense, but.."
"It makes sense." He understood.
"But.." I continued. "When I'm asleep, I feel that again, and it's.. I feel like I can't breathe. Like he's right there with me, and I can't stop it." I closed my eyes around several tired tears. "There's still so much nobody can ever know. It's those things that come back when I sleep, but I can't ever talk about them. I don't know how to fix it."
"Breathe, Leandra." Carlisle reminded me, and I did as he suggested. I hadn't even realized I held my breath. I took a deep, shaky breath, forcing back exhausted sobs. This exhaustion felt like a physical ache.
"I think eventually you're going to have to talk about those things." I looked over at him through tearing eyes. "I understand you don't want to, but why?"
"Because I don't even like thinking about them." I cried quietly, my voice trembling lightly. "It's.. It scares me so bad. Those things.." I couldn't continue. I lowered my head, hiding my face behind my drawn-up knees.
I sniffled roughly and went on. My voice breaking more by the second.
"I don't wanna be this way anymore." I looked over at him, and I could read my own expression in the way his saddened. "I wanna be done. I want it to be over. Why can't it be over?"
I knew I was acting like a baby, but the lack of sleep was making it hard to control that. It was pain like this that Jasper had used against me. My anger usually covered this.
"I don't get it." I cried, hiding my face again. "I don't know why it hurts so bad."
Moments like this when I just couldn't breathe through the pain. It was this pain that didn't fade with the bruises. I stupidly thought it would, but it had stayed. It'd stayed, and gotten worse. I didn't even know why those things could still hurt me as bad as they did. Why were memories capable of causing this much pain in someone that now had everything I ever wanted.
I hadn't even realized how tense I was until Carlisle had to pull my hand away from where it clung to my other arm. I was holding it too tightly. I looked up at the contact, and though I didn't pull away, I still cried harder. Like just the contact was enough to break me. I cried harder, but I held onto his hand instead.
It was a simple gesture, holding my hand, but it was all I had right then. I knew he could feel the way I trembled, despite how hard I tried to stop it. He needed to know, though.
"I can't tell you about those things because.. I can't tell you what I've done."
The guilt was clear in my shaky whisper. I knew it, but I couldn't change it. The concern in his eyes only grew. He made no move to drop my hand, but I waited for it.
"Leandra, let me explain something to you." He murmured gently. "No matter what it is, I can assure you that it was in no way your fault. There is absolutely no way anyone can dare to claim that it was."
"You don't even know, though." I cried, almost begging him to understand. I needed him to know how I felt. I felt like he was wasting his time. I felt like I wasn't worth it, but he still wasn't letting go. He was there, and far more steady than I was.
"I don't need to know." He replied firmly but quietly. "I know you. Those things, Leandra, are what need to come out the most. Maybe not tonight, but eventually. Hiding them only feeds into the fear you constantly feel, and that's not helping you. You've lost so much faith in yourself over those things that you actually believe that you simply can't do it.
"But one day, you will." He went on. "And I want you to understand that whenever you feel you're ready to talk about those things, I'll always be here to listen."
That was all he had to say. I crawled forward without a hint of hesitancy and hugged him. Kneeling up to reach, I hugged his neck. My arms landing heavily on his shoulders, but he didn't seem to mind in the least.
"And no matter what it is.." He went on, returning my hug firmly. "Not a single one of us will ever judge you for it. Least of all, me. I could never lose a single ounce of faith in you for something you had no way of changing."
He did have a point. I didn't have a way to change it. I would have given anything to change it. All those rainy nights, stuck in the darkness both in my room, and inside my head.
I leaned back, releasing him. I kneeled there, and covered my eyes again instead as I continued to cry. Carlisle still had no idea how badly this was hurting me. I was tired of hearing Jack's blame. He had no idea how badly I wanted to listen to him, instead of believing Jack's words. I was so tired of hating myself over those things I had no way of changing.
But Jack's blame was a whole lot louder on very little sleep, and every word I still heard only made that worse.
I forced myself to take a deep breath when I couldn't. With that breath, though, Jasper must have decided to have some pity on me and help me out, because I could breathe again. I started to calm down. The trembles stayed, and my tears continued for another minute, but they were slowing down.
That tried to make me feel worse, that I couldn't even calm myself down without his help, but with Jasper's help, I couldn't feel it. With his help, I could ignore the emotional wounds, and just focus on putting those memories back where they needed to go.
Jasper was like a band-aid for those emotions that I couldn't control. I hated that he was probably hurting too over feeling all I felt, but I really did need his help.
Carlisle sat with me the whole time, watching silently the process I had to go through to fully calm down. It involved a lot of holding my breath until my heart stopped pounding so fast. My head ached from all the intense emotion all at once, and just how hard I'd been crying, but I knew that would stop as soon as I fully calmed down.
However, I absolutely hated how stuffy my nose was now. That was always the worst part, because it always made my voice annoy me. Now that I was calmer, I could care. My eyes felt puffy and sore, and more tired than they were before.
I eventually sat back down, as kneeling was starting to hurt, but I wasn't curled up anymore. It took several minutes until I finally sat there, calmer and quiet. I still looked like shit, but at least I didn't feel like it anymore.
"I wish you knew." I mumbled, looking over at him. "I wish you knew how much I wanna believe you, but.. I know you wouldn't say that if you knew any of it. You wouldn't say it, and I wouldn't have to believe it."
"I'll always say it." He countered.
"We all will." I looked over, surprised at Alice's arrival in my bedroom doorway. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help overhearing."
"It's okay." I sighed heavily. I watched her walk in, carefully sitting on the other side of my bed. I could tell she had a lot on her mind. I must have given her something to think about.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked quietly.
"Sure." I replied, looking back down. I didn't care.
"Do you know what intuition is?"
"Is now a good time?" Carlisle asked, and she threw him an apologetic look. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, but she obviously thought it was a good time.
"I don't know what that is." I replied anyway.
"Instinctively knowing something." She explained. "Knowing something is going to happen before it does. It can be a feeling, or anything that feels off."
I looked up in thought. Instinctively knowing something was off.
"I never really thought about it before." I mumbled. "But I do that all the time."
"You do?" She asked. "Can you give me an example?"
I couldn't really use my entire life with Jack as an example, because I always knew something was going to happen. It had been the most consistent thing in my life. The first time I really noticed it outside of that, was here.
"Last year." I answered quietly. "I was nervous before you guys got back from that baseball game." She smiled a little, but it faded. "And before the trial. I really didn't wanna go, because I knew something like that was going to happen."
"Any others?" She pressed.
I hummed in thought. "Bella's birthday party. I think it was my fault Jasper was distracted that day, because I was so nervous, I thought I'd puke. I know he noticed." I paused. Recalling another. One I hadn't even noticed at the time.
"Back in December." I said. "I knew Laurent was out there before I even left the house."
"How?" She asked.
"I dunno." I replied. "I just.. I dunno. I felt like it." I paused as she nodded. "Why?"
"Can you describe those dreams again?" She asked instead of answering. "I don't mean tell me what they are, unless you want to, but I want to hear what they do." I knew what she meant.
I hesitated, taking a deep breath. It was so nice to be able to breathe again.
"It's hard to explain." I mumbled quietly, smoothing my sleeve nervously. "It's like.. Five or six different memories all at once. Not like.. Bits here or there, but like whole memories on top of each other. Sometimes I look at one, knowing there's four more behind it. But.. There's always something different in each one."
She nodded slowly, understanding now.
"When it's just one, it's usually a really bad one." I went on. "It's just one this time. They're all so real. Like as real as me talking to you."
"And when you wake up?" She asked.
"It's.." I hesitated. "It's weird. It takes a few minutes to really.. Wake up. Sometimes I could be sitting up, but it's still going. I still hear the things I heard. I still smell the things I smelled. I hate when that happens so much because it's like part of my mind doesn't wanna listen to me."
"Are your dreams always about memories?"
"Not always." I answered. "Sometimes it's just him. Know what I mean?" She nodded. "The memory ones are worse because I know what happens, but I can't wake myself up in time to not have to see it." I needed to ask again. "Why?"
"Do you want to try again?" Carlisle asked quietly. I started to sense they didn't want to answer that question.
"To talk about it?" I asked hesitantly. My voice was so weak, it broke.
He gave a nod, but I had to think about it. Were any of these memories okay enough to talk about? They tried to terrify me just by thinking about them. With Jasper's help, they didn't scare me as bad, but I still couldn't make myself admit to them. My mind stopped me every time I tried. No sound would come out.
I slowly curled back up into my ball, hugging my knees again, and I looked over apologetically. All of my worst memories involved things I couldn't make myself tell him about. I felt sick. A physical feeling, because my emotions were in Jasper's control, but my stomach actually hurt, just remembering the things that happened in the dark.
"It's just.." I said instead. "I-I can't."
"I understand." He replied.
"I want to." I mumbled. "I kinda want to, because I know how much it helps to talk about it. I just.. I can't, because I don't know how to say it.."
"I've got an idea." Alice spoke up, standing up. "Hold on."
She dashed from the room, and I looked down.
She was back only seconds later. In the time it took me to breathe in for a sigh, she was standing beside the bed again, holding what looked like a hard cover notebook. Like one I'd use for school, but obviously brand new. She held it out to me, and I hesitantly took it. Along with the pen she held out next.
"Write it down." She suggested. "All of it." Oh. I looked down at the brand new notebook, looking it over. "No one will ever read a single word in there that you don't want us to, but it'll help you process what is happening in these dreams, and maybe, it'll make it easier to talk about it."
If I could write them down, it would give me an idea how I wanted to word it, should I choose to talk about it. I also knew they wouldn't read it unless I wanted them to. I trusted them, and I knew they trusted me to talk about this stuff in my own time.
That was actually a really good idea.
"Thank you." I said, looking up at her. I'd never thought of doing it that way.
"And what about drawing?" She asked. "Have you given that up?"
"No." I mumbled. "I just don't have any more paper." I did like to draw, but I'd filled the drawing pad full of paper I'd gotten for my birthday all in one day. On a bad day back in October.
"Can I look?" She asked, and I shrugged. I nodded toward my closet. It was in the box of random stuff I didn't feel like I needed enough to unpack, and I didn't care if she saw it.
While she turned to my closet, I reached for a hair tie. I felt too hot and having my hair down was bugging me. I gathered my hair up and off my neck, quickly tying it up in a loose and messy ponytail.
Alice found it rather easily. Flipping it open, finding the absolute mess that was the real effort of my angry scribbles across the first page.
On the center of the piece of once-white paper, were only black, oval shaped scribbles. Three scribbles, but different sizes, and on all of those scribbles, I'd gone over them with red. Layering the colors black and red, more red than black, so it made the red darker. Even darker when I'd press harder onto the page.
The same color red underneath the scribbles, pooling out from beneath them across the page, but between them was a darker black than they had on them or under them. It was basically just one big mess of black and dark red on one page, but the effort was there. Just enough to know the difference between the blacker black of the page, and the reddish black of the ovals.
It showed anger, effort in each pass with the colored pencil. Stress in the paper. I didn't see anything wrong with doing it at the time, but I knew it was a little weird.
Every page, front and back, was the same way. Some a little different. Some torn through, some ripped out completely. There could almost be shapes in the scribbles, but not quite enough to tell.
I didn't feel like looking too closely as she slowly flipped through them. I didn't want to see those again, so I kept my eyes forward. Back on the bunched blanket at the foot of my bed.
"I see." She finally said, but her voice wasn't at all judgmental. "We'll get you another one." I kept my eyes down as Carlisle stood up, crossing the room to her. He carefully took the book of paper from her, looking it over himself.
"When was this?" He asked.
"October." I answered quietly, glancing over at him briefly. "When I was stuck at home. Right after my mom made me meet her stupid boyfriend. I dunno why I didn't just throw it away."
"Can I ask why you did this?" He asked, looking over at me.
"I don't really know." I sighed. "But it kinda looks like how I feel all the time. I mean, I don't feel that way right now, because of Jasper, but that's usually it." He looked back down at it, slowly turning pages. "How am I supposed to tell anyone what that feels like?"
"I think this is pretty effective." Alice replied. I looked over, but she smiled a little comfortingly. That made me feel a little better.
"I know it's weird."
"It's how you feel?" Carlisle asked, closing the book.
"All the time." I sighed tiredly.
"Leandra, this worries me. What do you and the counselor talk about?" He asked. "During your visits?" Esme or Carlisle weren't really allowed to be there unless it was needed, and they must never have listened in. How was this a surprise to him?
"She asks me to tell her what I think about." I grumbled. "I never talk to her, but she doesn't quit trying. That's why I wanted to stop going."
"Why won't you talk to her?" He asked.
"Why should I?" I asked in return. "They say they're worried about what's going on in my head, when they don't even wanna know about it, because they'd just freak out. All I want is to just be left alone. It's none of their business what I think or dream about. It's not their problem."
"Leandra, if you're feeling like this, that's a sign that something is wrong." He explained, and I slowly looked up. I didn't like what he was telling me. Not that it was news to me, but it bothered me to hear him say it. Beside him, Alice looked down.
"That's what I've been saying." I sighed. "Nobody believes me. I know something is wrong with me. I don't dream about the things normal kids dream about, and I don't think the way normal kids think, but I'll draw a stupid house next time. Maybe then I won't get in trouble."
I was getting defensive. Before he even replied, I realized that. Taking a breath, taking a metaphorical step back. I took a second to really think about how I was feeling, and that helped because I realized that he wasn't trying to make me feel bad. He was finally letting me in on his side of things.
"You're not in any trouble." He assured me. "We just want to help you. That's all."
"I can't be helped." I told him simply. I sighed, and I knew the more denial I gave him with this, the more he'd insist on talking about it. So I shrugged a little. "It's fine. I'm used to it." He didn't seem convinced, "I told you. It's not a pretty place in my head. It never has been. That's why I don't blame Edward for staying away from me."
"That isn't why he hasn't been around, Leandra." Alice corrected gently. "He spends most of his time with Bella. Day and night."
"I know it bothers him." I admitted.
"Only because he knows he can't make it easier on you, and he doesn't want to intrude." She explained. "It's not you."
Instead of insisting, I chose to lay down, curling into a comfortable ball on my side. Being numb made me feel even more tired than I was before.
"Are you still up for visiting Andrew tomorrow?" Carlisle asked, stepping back over to the bed. "If not, I can stay home." He took the hint, and brought my blanket up over me. Straightening it a little when it became necessary.
"No." I replied. "I still want to. I like spending time with him. He makes all that kinda stop for a little while." I nodded toward the book he still held. "Like I don't have to look at it for a minute."
He nodded with a quiet sigh.
In order to fall back to sleep, I had to trick myself. I couldn't think about it, or I would sit up. Somewhere near four in the morning, I finally fell back to sleep. I'd asked Jasper awhile back to stop controlling my emotions while I was asleep, because without that fear there, I didn't think to wake myself up. It messed with my head, and trapped me asleep at the same time.
So when I fell asleep, I was able to be afraid again. This dream was different. Of course it still involved Jack, but I didn't recognize anything else aside from the fear.
I got a few more hours of sleep, only to wake myself up yet again just passed dawn. I felt sick, but I had a feeling it had a lot to do with the dream, and would pass soon enough.
I really gave up after that. I had the worst ache in my head that I wasn't used to, but I was still looking forward to staying the night at Andrew's house. I knew the family really needed a good hunt, and the only way they could get one was knowing I was safe.
I wasn't sure how it was going to go, though. I was a little nervous. I knew I had to look like crap, but that was partly why I was wanting to go ahead with it. If there was one thing I could use, it was Zack and Josh's comic relief.
Emmett was plenty funny, but here, I could be moody. I allowed myself to. There, I had to at least hide it a little bit, and lying to myself sounded so good right then.
I was a little surprised to find Josh and Zack there too when I was dropped off at Andrew's house that late afternoon. The clouds were pretty thin today, and it was nice for early summer, so I didn't blame Carlisle for not getting out of the car. Everyone was hanging out outside anyway, so he really didn't need to.
I hadn't even fully gotten my bag out of the back seat before Zack approached.
"If anyone asks.." He told me. "You're in Japan." There were so many confusing parts to that statement, it took me a second to actually process it.
"What?" I frowned. I still didn't get it.
"We might have started a rumor that you moved to Japan to live with your cousin." He explained. "They have a robot butler."
"Why couldn't it have been Utah or something?" I asked, finally moving far enough to close the door.
"Too close." He replied. "They might have spies there." What must it be like to live in his head? I could never imagine having time to think about things like that. I was too busy thinking about everything else.
"Won't they know I'm not in Japan when they see me here?" I asked, slowly taking a few steps away from the curb.
"I got you covered." He held a finger up, before reaching back into his pocket. Producing a rubbery hockey mask. Grinning like he'd just solved world hunger as he presented it to me.
"Um.." I muttered, taking it from him and looking at it. I didn't have the heart to tell him I would rather set this mask on fire.
"Your new name is Becky, and you don't speak English."
"Um.." I said again, turning it over. I looked back at Carlisle still there, and I could swear I saw him laughing as he drove away.
Okay, it was a little funny. I wandered toward the house. Andrew stood up from where he sat on the grass, jogging to my side with a laugh.
"My dad got called to work." He said, opening the front door for me. "So they thought we should hang out at their house." Josh and Zack's house. I understood perfectly.
"Cool." I replied easily. "Be right back." He nodded as I dashed inside and up the stairs. I threw my bag into his bedroom, and left the house again. I didn't want to make them hang around here longer than I had to.
"Put your mask on, Becky." Josh teased as Andrew locked the front door. I shot him a look, but I failed at hiding my tired smile.
From there, we started walking toward the back road leading to Josh and Zack's house. Keeping together, though.
I kept an eye out the entire way, but the street remained clear ahead of us. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I hoped it was something good. We made it to their house without an issue.
I came to sit with them on the front lawn. The lawn was partially surrounded by a fence, so sitting was okay. It really was a nice day, but there were only a few more hours left in it. I laid onto my back in the thick grass. I couldn't help it.
"I'm so tired." I complained.
Zack laid down next to me. "Me too."
"Mom told you to stop playing that video game last night." Josh replied to him. "But you never listen."
None of them knew this level of exhaustion. I was sure of it. Nights like the night before took almost everything out of me.
"When are you coming back to school, Leandra?" Andrew asked randomly. "You're gonna miss the field trip."
Andrew and Josh seemed to be acting more like themselves today, which I appreciated immensely. I didn't know what I was going to do if they still had their weirdness about them. Maybe smack some sense into them?
"I've still got a week left." I answered, closing my eyes when looking up at the sky started making me dizzy. "Then it's back to school just in time to get let out for the summer. They really didn't think this through." I paused, frowning. "What field trip?"
"To Seattle." He said. "It's for the fifth grade class only." I hadn't heard about that.
"Why would they want to take the class there?" I was honestly surprised. "Some crazy guy is running around there killing people, so they think it'd be fun? I'd be surprised if more than three people go."
"It's just to see the museums and stuff." He shook his head. I grunted as I sat up tiredly, now sitting cross-legged. Zack idly reached over and plucked a piece of grass out of my hair for me.
"There's fun stuff to do in Tacoma." I pointed out. "And it's the opposite direction."
"They go there every year, Leandra." Josh countered. "I went when I was in fifth grade." I shrugged a little. I'd made my point.
"Carlisle wouldn't let me go, anyway." I said. "Not that I want to. Unlike you guys, I stay away from danger."
"Right." Josh snorted.
"What?"
"Danger follows you around like a cloud, Leandra." He stood up with a laugh. "You have to wear a mask, or we'll have to run."
"Running is good for you, isn't it?" I countered. "You should thank me."
"I don't think running for your life counts, little girl." I hated anyone calling me that. It grated on my nerves so quickly, it was all I could do to keep myself from immediately punching him in the face.
I stood up as well.
"Don't call me that again." I warned him firmly.
"What?" He asked, grinning. I could see he'd found a new button to press. "It's true."
"Here we go." Andrew sighed with a small laugh.
"Say it." I spun in the yard, fully facing him. "I dare you."
"Little." He poked my nose and I glared. "Girl."
I swung, balling my fist as I did so and landing a swift punch in his stomach. He lost his breath in a loud grunt, crumbling to the grass. Rolling a little.
"Leandra." Zack was laughing uncontrollably.
"Oops." I turned, grinning as I took a few steps away to stand beside Andrew.
"He deserved it." Andrew laughed. "This just teaches him not to make her mad on purpose."
"Oh, shut up, Andrew." Josh gasped, trying to regain his breath.
"I told you." He laughed again. "When you two first met, I told you guys. Don't piss her off, or she'll knock your teeth in. It's kinda what she does."
After about a minute, Josh managed to push himself up, standing. I turned, facing him again. I knew it. I knew he was going to keep going. He was going to keep pressing. I called it before he even opened his mouth.
"You can do better than that, little girl."
His bravery was impressive. He said it again even after I punched him.
I raced toward him, but this time, he turned and ran. Laughing at how easy it was to piss me off. He rounded the yard, which ended at the driveway, just missing me. He was faster than me, which just bugged me.
I wasn't sure if I was even still mad.
"What's wrong, Josh?" I shouted after him. "Afraid of a little girl?"
He slid to a stop sooner than I anticipated.
"Whoa!" I shouted, and before I could stop myself, I slammed into him. Knocking both of us into the garage door, and bouncing back. I landed on my butt, but Josh managed to stay standing.
I shook my head, slightly dazed as I lost my breath for a second.
He stood there, surprised, and I couldn't help almost literally rolling with laughter. When I could breathe again. After a moment, he started laughing as well.
"Are you two okay?" Zack asked, surprised. "Because if you are, you won't be after dad sees that dent in the door." Josh and I both looked over at the same time, looking at what he was talking about, and we both only laughed harder. Zack shook his head. "I'd fake an injury."
"Play dead." Andrew suggested, wandering closer.
"What the fuck was that?" Sure enough, Mark came outside, quickly taking the situation. "Are you guys okay?"
"I'm okay." I laughed.
Mark's eyes landed on the door, and he sighed, giving Josh a look. "Really?"
"I'm sorry, dad." Josh laughed as well. "It was my fault."
"Well, knock it off." Mark grumbled. "Seriously, guys. Be more careful, would ya?" Josh offered his hand to me. I accepted it, standing with a groan. "Are you all going to tear down the house while I'm in Seattle? Because if you can't control yourselves, then how about you four go to Andrew's house? Destroy his house for a change."
He was chuckling, so I knew he wasn't very mad. He reached out, took both of our shoulders in one of his hands and gently pushed us away from the now dented garage door.
"Go that way."
"I wanted to go with you." Zack whined. "Can I?"
"Then get in the car, kid." Mark laughed. "Whoever else wants to go, get your butts in the car. I've just got to grab a few things, and we're gone."
With that, he turned. Heading back inside.
"Aw." I frowned. "That means we have to go back to Andrew's house anyway."
"When dad wants to go somewhere, he kinda just goes." Zack explained. Meaning, little to no warning or heads up.
"You guys wanna come?" Josh asked, looking to Andrew and I.
"I just got back from Seattle." I whined, slouching a little.
"Come on." Josh sighed. "Please? Keep me company. Zack's annoying as hell on long car rides."
"I can't." Andrew shook his head. "I've still got a book report to write before Tuesday. My dad's gonna kill me if I don't turn that in, but you can go if you want, Leandra."
Josh looked at me, hopeful. "Please?"
"What's in Seattle?" I sighed, considering it.
"Dad's going to pick up mom's brother." Zack answered.
"Oh yeah." I recalled. "Andrew's dad said something about your uncle coming to visit."
"He's moving back to town, and needs a place around here to stay while he looks for a house." Josh explained. "So he'll be staying with us for a few days. You can meet him. Trust me, Leandra. He's the coolest. He buys us anything we want. He's even cooler than dad, but don't tell him I said that."
"Wow." I said, revealing my surprise. I thought Mark was pretty cool as it was. At very least, I didn't mind him so much anymore. The fact that he wasn't even mad at the dent, eased me quite a bit. Probably because he could probably just go on the other side, and push it out. It wasn't that bad.
"Mom says he spoils us, but I don't think so." Zack commented.
"You wouldn't." I laughed a little. Looking to Andrew, I hesitated.
"Go ahead." Andrew said easily. "I gotta get that report done anyway. You'll just be bored sitting around."
"I just know how you get when you're trying to work on stuff." I told him apologetically. "We'll probably be back by tonight. Are you sure you won't hate me?"
"Yeah." He nodded, and his tone told me he was being truthful. "Go ahead. Just don't run off, or I will kinda hate you."
"Alright." Mark came back outside. "We have to be back before your mom, Zack, so let's get moving. She's going to be so surprised."
"Can Leandra come too, dad?" Josh asked, heading toward the car.
"Yeah." He said. "Duh. Come on, people. Andrew, are you coming?"
"No, sir." Andrew answered. "I have homework."
"Well, darn." Mark said. "It's okay. Maybe next time."
I didn't see the harm in going. I wasn't going to wander off. I wasn't going to get lost. I was going to stick right beside Mark, and I was going to be good.
If Alice even saw me going along with them, that was. She'd been so stressed lately. Esme said she'd been trying to watch for too many things. I knew when that happened, she missed a lot of other little things.
I felt bad for her. I really did, but I climbed into the back seat anyway. Josh sat up front, and Zack was beside me. I knew on the way back, we'd all three be crammed back here, but I didn't mind.
I knew I should have asked for permission before agreeing to go, but in my defense, there wasn't enough time to call. Even if I wanted to interrupt their hunting trip, which I didn't. It was a split decision that I hoped I could get away with.
Zack and I pretty much kept each other occupied, so we never paid attention to anything said in the front seat. I eventually had to take off my jacket, because it was too warm in the car. I was sure my nervousness added to that.
The entire way, though, I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of dread once again. My stomach doing little flips. Now and then my heart sped up in nervousness. I wrote it off as being nervous about being caught. Or getting into trouble for coming along with Mark.
Or maybe I was nervous to meet a new person. They said he was alright, and I had to trust them. I didn't know who this was. Oh god, what was I thinking? Not only was I purposefully going to the most dangerous place I could right now, but to meet a strange new person.
What if this was the serial killer?
I forced myself to stop thinking. My anxiety running away with me, straight into 'what if' land. Every thought I could think of to make myself hate this guy already. Heather, their mom, was nice enough. I liked her. This guy will be cool too. Despite that thought, I couldn't shake the fear settling even deeper into my stomach the closer we got.
"You okay?" Zack had noticed I was falling quieter and quieter right as we reached Seattle. It had been a very long trip, so I wasn't surprised.
"Yeah." I muttered. "Just thinking."
"Almost there, guys." Mark spoke from his seat. I hoped it was soon, because I really didn't want to throw up all over the back seat.
In my unease, my mouth had gone dry. I was thankful to find out that we were meeting this guy at a gas station and small general store, and we weren't going too far into the city. The lights outside this general store were harsh in the fading evening, and it messed with my head a little bit.
"Can I go in?" I asked once we'd parked. I just needed to reset a bit. This wasn't such an unfamiliar feeling. I was always scared nowadays.
"Yeah. I need to stretch too." Mark stood, pulling out his wallet. Opening it, he handed Josh a $20 bill. "Go get yourselves something to eat." Josh nodded, turning. "Nothing messy. And nothing too filling. We'll eat when we get home."
I nodded a little at that, following Josh inside. Zack followed me. It was already pretty dark, but I knew if we were to leave soon, we'd still get back before Heather would. It'd be close, though.
I didn't really understand what was bugging me so bad. We were nowhere near where all the murders and stuff were happening, but I also knew that wasn't what I was so worried about. It wasn't the same feeling. Besides. We weren't sticking around, and Seattle was huge. The chances of me running into trouble in this little gas station were very small.
It did feel good to stretch a little, though. I started to believe maybe I was just a little claustrophobic. Maybe I was car sick? Maybe how tired I was had a lot to do with it. I started to believe it was nothing, if only for a second. Part of me just wanted to get this over with. Part of me just wanted to get home. This had been a bad idea.
This feeling was actually getting worse. I hadn't the slightest clue what the hell was wrong with me, and I actually worried I was really about to throw up. I wasn't particularly hungry, so I just grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to Josh.
"I'll be back." I told him and he nodded. I rounded, walking swiftly between cramped little aisles filled with junk food and paper towels. I held my breath in hopes that would help.
The little hallway marked for the restrooms was pretty cramped. I bumped into someone on their way out of the Men's room, but I didn't bother to look up.
"Sorry." I muttered, too preoccupied to do much of anything else.
I jumped roughly as this person I bumped into suddenly had a hold of my arm. I was jerked around, shoved through the door of the women's restroom, and crowded as he followed me in.
Instant terror kept me silent at first, and all I could do was watch as he locked the door before finally looking up. Before I could make any type of sound, my mouth was covered and I was pinned up against the wall just behind the door.
I opened my eyes, my head spinning with how fast everything happened. It had been awhile since I'd felt exactly like this. The icy panic that swept through me in seconds chased away the urge to throw up, but that returned full force as I looked up and met firm gaze holding the same ice dark blue eyes I recognized so well. The same ones I still remembered clearly, and saw every time I slept.
After all the time I spent telling myself that Jack was gone for a very long time, trying to force myself to believe it, here I was. Right back in Jack's hands. He was real again. He was here, and I couldn't move.
Once that really sunk in, I took a second before I started fighting behind his hand, kicking as hard as I could. I started sobbing immediately, but he cut that off by pressing his hand harder to my mouth.
"Shut the fuck up." He growled quietly to me. Keeping his voice down. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I hadn't calmed down enough to stop crying, much less answer him.
I was shaken out of those cries as he slapped me upside my head a few times.
"Pay attention. Focus, you stupid bitch. I asked you a fucking question. Why are you here?"
He carefully uncovered my mouth, but continued to grip my face, probably so I could actually answer him.
"I don't know." I couldn't remember why I was here at all. All that mattered was that I was here, and he was here, and I was probably going to die in a few seconds.
"Who brought you here?" He asked, very clearly annoyed.
I could remember that one. "M-Mark-"
"Listen to me." His voice was quiet, hardly a whisper but it was more than enough to shut me up. "One fucking word.. If you say one fucking word to any of them about anything, I will end you."
What was he talking about?
I couldn't breathe, shaking so hard, much less think straight.
"I don't know how you found them, you little bitch, but if you fuck this up for me, I will make sure you're never found."
I breathed in sharply, enough to speak.
"What?"
"Figure it out." He snapped in a low growl through his teeth, moving his hand lower to grip and squeeze my neck. Shutting me up yet again as he pinned me hard to the wall. I was nearly off my feet as it was, my toes barely reaching the floor. "I'm not playing around."
I did understand that much.
"Do you hear me, bitch?" I struggled, but nodded my head. "Good."
He fell quiet, looking me over. I squirmed under his hand. I considered trying to pound on the wall to get anyone's attention, but that would have been a bad idea. Even if he seemed oblivious to the fact that I needed to breathe. Both of my hands were on his one wrist, just in an effort to take the strain off.
His other hand came up, gripping the collar of my sweatshirt, yanking it down over my shoulder. Below my collar bone. I knew he was inspecting the scar I would have for the rest of my life. The one he gave me the day of his trial.
He loosened his grip enough to let me breathe, but he kept his focus on that scar. He traced it with his finger, and I did everything I could to cringe away.
"I have to admit." He chuckled. "You're tougher than I thought. I can't believe you lived."
"Y-You can't be here." I finally managed to gasp out. Not only was he not allowed to be in here, but he should have still been in prison. For the rest of his life. He actually grinned.
"Surprise."
"H-How?"
"Come on. You know better than that." His smile faded a little. "At least you used to. I don't know when or why you started to doubt my fucking promises, but that shit ends now."
He took another long look at me. Trapped under his hand, I was just grateful he wasn't squeezing anymore, but the feeling of his hand around my neck was terrifying. All I could do was watch his face. I was stuck. Even as his hand squeezed again briefly, his thumb massaged the skin there firmly.
"Must be that family you're staying with." He went on quieter. "Filling your stupid fucking head with lies." I must have paled, because he laughed. "Yeah, I know all about them. I'm working on that."
Clearly, he didn't know one major detail about them, otherwise he wouldn't have even looked at me twice. I didn't know what he meant by 'working on it', but it hardly mattered when he had an unbreakable hold on my neck.
It was becoming clear that nobody knew he was here yet, given the fact that he'd had a few minutes with me already.
"Although." He sighed, letting go of my shirt. "I guess I should be thanking you." Me?
With no warning, he pulled me forward, drawing a terrified yelp from me, along with a whimper as he pressed a painful kiss to my cheek. I sobbed, unable to help it as I squeezed my eyes shut.
I kicked once, but his other hand came up and knotted in my hair. He stopped that struggle right in its tracks, drawing another painful whimper from me as he pulled me even closer, breathing in the smell of my hair.
"Oh, you're so lucky I need you alive.."
He jerked me back just enough to forcing my head forward and looking right into my eyes. His face an inch from mine. I fearfully met his eyes again, and the determination and intent there told me how lucky I really was. My only hope right then was that he didn't have all the time in the world.
I felt like I was suffocating, and even though I could breathe just fine, I gasped for just one useful breath of air. There was nowhere else to look without seeing him. I couldn't breathe without smelling him. Cigarettes and the cologne he always wore. There was nowhere to turn my head. The whole situation was a very vivid reminder of the darkness of my room.
I should have known better than to let those thoughts in, because they shook me along with any composure I might have had, and I gasped out a sob. I knew exactly what he was doing, and so did he.
He chuckled.
With that, he let me go. Shoving me back against the wall as he stepped back. I still looked up at him, my hand covering my neck where his hand had burned and squeezed. He was definitely here. As badly as I wished I could, I couldn't just pretend like this wasn't happening.
"We'll have time to talk later." He muttered. "I've got a part to play, and so do you. Remember what I fucking said. For now, you're gonna stay in here, and calm the fuck down, but don't take too long. Compose yourself. My god, you're pathetic."
With that, he unlocked the door, opened it just a bit so he could peek out, and swiftly left.
I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't expect something like this, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how he did it. Then again, I couldn't really focus on that. My scrambled thoughts could only focus on the fact that he was here.
"Oh my god." My hushed voice was equally stunned. My legs failed me, and I crouched into a ball behind the door, between the trash can and the wall, covering my face with my hands.
I had to take several minutes. Just breathing deeply, trying to calm down before I'd start crying again. I couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried.
Seeing him again had changed something in me. Seeing him, having him there to threaten me yet again with nobody around to protect me had turned something in my mind. For a moment, I forgot about my bravery, and everything I'd learned throughout the last year.
For a moment, I was right back where he wanted me to be. Tonight had just proven that I'd been right all along.
Weirdly, in a way, it felt like all of that was for nothing. I knew full well that that wasn't the case, but I felt that way. With just his bare hands and his words, Jack had stolen whatever I'd managed to make of myself since I last saw him.
Seeing him again, so close to me so suddenly, with no preparation time or forewarning had reopened the scarring wounds in my heart, and they suddenly bled again. Painfully. I couldn't blink without seeing him there. My head hurt where he'd gripped my hair, and my neck still ached in the shape of his hand.
Eventually, a knock came to the door and it was pushed open a little.
"Leandra?" It was Zack. "Are you okay?"
"No." I whimpered in response, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. I choked back a sob, taking a breath and shakily speaking. "I'm.. Not feeling very good." Goddammit. Jack was making me lie. Again. I cursed quietly to myself, sniffing roughly.
I still didn't get it. Was he really talking about Mark and the boys? Why else would he tell me not to say anything? But wait. That would mean he was Heather's brother. That would make Zack and Josh his nephews. My head spun.
That was why she looked familiar. That had to be it. It didn't comfort me to remember all the knowing looks she'd given me, but she really didn't seem like him at all. They were completely opposite.
How was he even here?
And if he was their uncle, how did nobody else know? How did they not know where he'd been for the last year?
Then I thought about it.
I'd never actually told anyone about me or my past until recently, and I damn sure never mentioned his name. I still had no idea what Jack had meant, though. Don't say a word to any of them. Like he knew that they had no idea he used to be my stepdad.
"Want me to call your dad?" Zack asked in response. I was so tempted, but immediately replied.
"No." I barked. "No. Don't call him. I'll be fine. I'll just.. I-I'll be out soon."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." I replied. "Get out."
As much as I needed Carlisle right then, I really didn't want to disturb him. If he wasn't already disturbed. Jack had every opportunity to hurt me, and easily had the chance to kill me right then, but he didn't. I was unharmed, and still alive, so maybe he would wait until nobody was expecting me back to do it. I would be fine on the ride home. I just had to hold on.
With that thought, I managed to calm down enough to function. Sort of.
"Zack?" I called, knowing he was still there.
"Yeah?"
"W-What's your uncle's name?" I was so afraid of his answer.
"Jack." He answered too quickly for my nerves to handle. I crumbled again. I'd been right. "He's right out here, if you wanna meet him-"
"No." I squeaked, shaking my head. I had to lie. "N-Not yet."
"Okay." Zack replied. "Well, we're outside when you get done." With that, he let the door close.
How was something like this even possible? How had I not figured it out? Surely anyone related to Jack had to be a psychopath too. Related to Jack.
It was so hard to imagine.
I could now pinpoint Heather's familiar face. I just hadn't known exactly who she reminded me of. Her eyes were the same color as Jack's. They were different, though. The color just wasn't the same when it wasn't glaring at me. Same color hair.
I was so confused, though. Nobody else knew. It was obvious now. Did that mean he'd kept me a secret from them the whole time?
My eyes were still red from crying, my cheeks flushed with fear, when I stepped out. I shook as I walked, but I managed to make my way outside. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I thought maybe if I couldn't see him, I'd be okay. And it worked for a second.
"There she is." Mark chuckled. "You feeling any better, sweetie?"
"Not really." I replied quietly, shaking my head. "I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." Mark waved it off. "Kids get sick. Especially car sick. That's what they do."
He stepped forward, placing his hand on my shoulders, turning me around and steering me forward until I spotted Jack's shoes. He was a couple of feet in front of me. Watching me. I felt his eyes on me, and as much as I wanted to turn and run, I knew that wouldn't end well for anybody. I had to stand there, and I had to act like I didn't know him. I had to act like he wasn't the one that tortured me for six years.
His most recent threats ringing loudly through my head as I forced myself to stand there. I fought as hard as I could, but I couldn't help the small step backwards into Mark. He didn't even seem to notice.
"Well, here she is. Jack, this is Leandra. The boys' friend from school." I glanced up just high enough to see that Jack had his hand held out. "Leandra, this is my brother-in-law, Jack."
A faded memory came forward at Jack's quiet chuckle. My cries still echoed in the back of my mind, my pleas for his mercy. The tears I cried back then still burned me, his voice still hurt me. The wounds were still fresh, and I knew in that instant that I wasn't nearly as healed as I thought I was. I needed my family. I needed them so very much, but I wasn't going to insist they be called.
Jack remembered everything as well. He remembered, probably clearer than I did, what I did to him, but no matter how much I knew he wanted to, he couldn't greet me the way he wanted to. He was torturing me, alright. Just not physically this time. Not physically yet.
"Nice to meet you, sweetheart." Jack's voice was even worse when he was being nice. I closed my eyes, biting my tongue as I placed my hand in his, and he squeezed. My breath caught as he squeezed too hard, and I whimpered loudly and he released my hand a second later.
"Oops." He laughed. "Guess I don't know my own strength."
"Easy, Jack." Mark chuckled as I cradled my hand to myself. "She's fragile."
"I'm sorry, Leandra." Jack murmured. "I hope I didn't hurt you." His voice was sincere enough that anyone listening in wouldn't hear the condescending tone. The happiness he had at hearing my painful noise.
"No I'm not." I muttered, refusing to look up again.
"No she's not." Josh spoke up, coming to my side. "She's definitely not fragile, dad."
"If you say so." Mark chuckled, patting my shoulder. "Now, we're all here but we have to get going. Come on. Get in."
Oh god. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Three and a half hours stuck in the car with Jack. At least he'd be in the front.
I climbed into the back seat first, settling behind the drivers seat. I felt better knowing I'd be sitting right behind Mark.
"Uncle Jack." Zack spoke. "Can I sit up front?" What? Oh goddammit. "Josh got to on the way up here."
"Sure, kid." He replied, chuckling. "I don't care."
I had to be stuck in a nightmare. Please let me wake up soon. Please. Please don't let this be happening. I knew he'd elect to sit in the middle. Between Josh and I, and I was right.
I squished myself up against the door as much as I could as he settled directly to my right, Josh climbing in afterwards. I counted each breath I took, knowing at any second, it could be the last one I ever got.
I swore at any second I'd have a heart attack with as quickly as my heart was beating. I closed my tear-filled eyes, laying my head against the window as Mark started the car. We hadn't even started moving yet, and I was already losing it.
God, why hadn't I stayed with Andrew?
Josh and Jack talked beside me, and for a brief moment, I actually did think I was going to throw up. Just by feeling him so close to me. I didn't know how long I could last like this, honestly. I was pressed as closely to the door as I could possibly be, but it was still too close.
It felt like I held my breath the entire first few miles.
I trembled roughly, until very subtly, Jack's left hand landed about midway on my right thigh. I froze, and I even swore my heart stopped at the pressure.
As soon as I felt that, I was right back to the fearful little runt I was before. It was inevitable. Just like at the diner that day, but since then, he'd tried to kill me and almost succeeded.
I whimpered quietly, hardly a sound leaving me. In the dark back seat, nobody even noticed.
He just kept it there, and with nobody paying attention, there was no reason for him to move it. It kept me still, petrified in my seat. Once I started to tremble again, he'd squeeze painfully until I managed to sit still again. He gave enough pressure in his one hand, I knew I'd bruise. I cried silently, my hand attempting to pry his loose as subtly as I could.
I chanced a glance up, meeting his eyes. He gave me a smile and I instantly looked back down. Harder he squeezed, until I had to squeak in pain. He moved his hand finally, laughing a little.
"You're awful quiet, Leandra." Jack pointed out. "Don't have much to say?"
"She's always quiet around people she doesn't know." Zack answered. "She'll talk more once she gets used to you."
"I hope we have that opportunity." Jack told me, and I clenched my teeth, laying my head back. I looked out the window, and I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. First thing, I had to let Carlisle know. I needed him to know, but I didn't want to bother him. I was supposed to be safe at Andrew's house.
I had to wonder again if Alice had seen anything. I was going to be in so much trouble.
"So." Jack said. "Tell me about her, guys. Is she nice to you?"
I clenched my teeth, hoping Josh didn't tell him about my punching him earlier.
"She's really cool." Josh replied. "Don't worry. She's pretty much the coolest kid I know. She's staying at Andrew's house tonight, though. She doesn't live in town."
"She doesn't?" Jack asked, feigning interest.
"No." Josh replied. "She lives outside of town. With the Cullens."
"They just adopted her." Zack pointed out, and I wanted to tell him to shut up, but I didn't. I just lightly thumped my head against the window, peering out into the fading daylight. It was almost gone now. Bathing everything in a black, eerie glow, the clouds just adding to the effect of despair. All that was missing was the lightning to add to my own horror movie.
"Really now?" Jack asked, and I knew by his tone, he was suddenly very interested in that. He must not have known that detail. He'd always been very possessive of me, and the fact that someone else was responsible for me now only pissed him off. "Is that right?" He looked right at me.
"Yes, sir." I replied quietly. "I'm theirs now."
"Well, isn't that nice?" He muttered, and I knew he wasn't happy. Part of me, the more recent part of me, delighted in his irritation. He'd just missed his chance to keep me under his thumb.
I didn't reply, though. That would have been stupid.
He gave me another smile, but behind that smile was an emotion that told me that this discussion wasn't over. I looked down first, and he looked away. Striking up a new conversation with Josh.
I had a lot of time to think. Once the initial panic calmed down, I was able to think.
I was never going to get anywhere by being afraid. This was a fight I couldn't refuse to fight. This was something personal to me. Zack and Josh were my friends. They were his nephews. They were in the middle of a tug-of-war right now, and they didn't even know it.
He didn't want me to say anything? That meant he couldn't do a damn thing to me. Despite that, though, I knew he would win. He always won.
My heart pounded harder still at the thought that I'd been right. I knew he'd never stay gone. I wondered if I'd have a hard time proving it, but I doubted it. Jack knew right where to find me now.
After what felt like days, we made it back to Josh and Zack's house. I wasted no time in opening my door and practically threw myself out of the car. I took a moment to look around myself on the dark driveway as Jack climbed out behind me. Zack left the front seat, and walked away without a second glance.
Everybody else headed toward the front door, but Jack hesitated. I tried to follow them, but he held me still with a hand balled in my shirt. Standing with me in the dark shadow of the car. It was tall enough that nobody would see anything more than the top of Jack's head if he were to stand straighter.
In the dark driveway, nobody could see anything.
The fact that nobody was here waiting for us told me that Alice hadn't seen what was going on yet. She didn't know, so they didn't know, which was why they weren't here to kill him. Or at very least get me away from him.
They were too preoccupied with whatever else was going on in Seattle. I knew that for sure, and for right then, I really was on my own. That was a terrifying thought, especially as his hand found my neck, and he pulled me closer to him.
"Not a fucking word." He whispered into my hair. For a second, the terror overwhelmed me again. As brave as I tried to be, I was still very afraid of this man.
Was I mistaken before? Had I been wrong in assuming he couldn't do anything to me? This was Jack. Of course I was mistaken. He could do anything he wanted. Anything at all, and never be held responsible for it. Not for very long.
"You are getting older." He pointed out, his voice only a growl under his breath. "Look at you.."
The threat he posed was very real again, and panic choked my breath. There was no way I could be brave enough to fight him. To be that unwavering fearless kid I so wanted to be would take a lot more courage than I had anywhere in me.
There wasn't much I was afraid of anymore, but I was terrified of Jack, and here he was. Inches behind me. His hand closed on the back of my neck. Squeezing, painfully adding pressure until I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Stop." I whimpered, trying to duck away. He covered my mouth again with his other hand, and shoved me back against the side of the car. I closed my eyes, too afraid to look up anymore as I felt him lean down.
"Now you listen to me." He whispered sharply against the side of my face. "Your time to talk is over. You fucking hear me? Time's come to shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I shut it myself."
I squeezed tears from my eyes, forcing myself to keep taking breaths.
"It's been one hell of a fucking year for me, you little bitch." He went on in my silence. "And I plan to take every second of this last year out of your ass, but right now, you're fucking with something you really shouldn't be. This is my goddamn family. You say one word about us knowing each other, I'll kill you far more painfully than you can ever imagine."
I didn't reply.
"So you think you've gotten away?" He asked. "You think just because that family adopted your worthless ass, you don't have to face what you've done? Not only that, but you're dragging that family into hell right along with you. How fucking selfish can you be?"
"I didn't do anything wrong." I cried in my own whisper, but he just laughed.
I had to try. I twisted with a loud whimper. He jerked me closer, stopping that immediately. Again, he gripped my neck tighter, shook me roughly.
"If only you knew." He chuckled against my cheek under his breath. "I've had a lot of time to think about the things I'm going to do to you."
I hated this tone of his voice even more than I hated his yelling. The soft way he spoke was one of the things I had no hope of ever getting over. It wasn't just a dream anymore.
In my position, I did something I probably never should have.
"P-Please.."
I begged. With a tight voice and through closing breath, I whispered a plea I knew he'd waited a year to hear from me. Why wasn't I yelling my head off? Because he was here. Why wasn't I fighting harder? Because it was useless. He was too much stronger than me. I'd only hurt myself more by yelling or fighting.
He'd heard what he wanted to hear, given his quiet chuckle. I'd given him what he wanted. This made him happy, but I felt myself crumbling.
"Uncle Jack?" Josh called from the front door. Startling us both. I felt his grip jump, as he looked back toward Josh's voice. He quickly looked at me again, his lips back against my ear.
Even quieter under his breath, he whispered to me again.
"Run, my little rabbit. While you still can."
Jack loosened his hold slowly, as if he didn't want to let me go, but as soon as it was loose enough, I jerked away and bolted as fast as I could. Yanking away from him, and tearing down the driveway just like he told me to.
A/N: I know. Believe me, I know. I didn't want it to be this way. I tried to change it, which was partially why four took so long, but he just refused to stay where I freaking put him. :( He's not easy to work with for me either, you know.
And I know.. This one got a little long, but I did the best I could to cram as much in here as I could in such a short amount of space.
Moving on.
I thought sure Chapter Four would get more reviews than it did. I'm grateful for the one reviewer that did leave their thoughts, though. :) THANK YOU! Everyone else.. All 52 of you.. Come on, what gives? :( Reviews are what let me know I should keep posting chapters. Without them, I assume it's crap. Just throwing that out there.
ANYWAY.
Six shouldn't take very long. I know seven is going to give me hell, though, so I'm doing that one carefully.
