Chapter Six
I ran along the dark street, the entire way to Andrew's house, and to my surprise, I found him sitting outside. Fighting panic the whole way until I knew for sure I was safe. As bad as I wanted to run home, I couldn't stand being out in the open that long.
"There you are." Andrew spotted me coming up the sidewalk, watching as I ran straight over the lawn right to his side on the front step.
"Inside." I gasped, and his eyes grew concerned. "Please. Can we go inside?" His house was the closest safety I knew of, and he seemed to grasp that I wasn't doing well.
"Yeah." He said, nodding as he stood quickly. "Yeah, come on." He turned, pushing open the door. I pushed passed him and ran up the stairs. Stumbling on one, I almost fell, but caught myself. I yanked myself up like it didn't happen, and continued on.
"Leandra?" Andrew called, bewildered behind me. I entered his room, still panting.
I turned around and around, looking for some sort of answer in his room that I knew I'd never find. Eventually, my panting breaths were choked off by the emotion that suddenly sprang forward as it sank in a little more.
I crouched into a tiny ball in the middle of his room and started to cry. I heard him finish climbing the stairs, followed by another's set. I cried into my knees, my arms folded around my head. My neck still hurt, and I had a feeling I'd bruise there too, but my long hair covered it.
"Leandra." Richard had followed him upstairs. "Honey? What's wrong?"
Despite his concern, though, I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't breathe.
I hurt. Everywhere, I ached. Especially my heart, and my adrenaline-numbed limbs. I turned over, sitting with my back against the wall, facing the bedroom door, in a pure terrified attempt to get a breath.
But suddenly, I actually couldn't take a breath.
I had to breathe, but I couldn't. Which was only making this worse. My entire focus now on the fact that my throat had closed. Completely closed off, and I could feel the effort of my breath trying to escape, but it couldn't. Literally stuck in my chest. Exactly like Jack had his hand closed around my neck, but nothing was there. This was all my own doing.
That was absolutely terrifying. I leaned back just enough, bracing my hands on the floor to sit up straighter, but that didn't work either.
My throat had closed in panic before, but this was different. I could feel it. I wasn't getting absolutely any air, and getting more scared by the second. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get any. It was stuck, locked in. I couldn't let out a breath or get one in.
What was this? What the hell was happening to me? I knew it was all my own doing, but I didn't want this. I was beginning to get desperate. I struggled, fought with myself, but that wasn't working either.
Richard quickly kneeled in front of me, and my hands automatically reached for him.
He seemed to understand. I didn't care how he knew. He was here, and I was growing more desperate with each passing second.
"Breathe, Leandra." He was so calm, but I was far from it. I struggled, fought to do as he told me, but I truly couldn't.
My chest heaved, aching deeply with each forced attempt at a breath, but it wasn't happening. My entire body shook, trembling violently just sitting there, gripping his arms as tightly as my hands could hold.
He turned, looking at Andrew.
"Go get the phone." His voice was a command that left no room for him to question. Andrew immediately darted from the room.
He looked to me again and spoke.
"You're having a panic attack." He explained, meeting my terrified gaze. "I know you're afraid, but this will pass. Focus on my voice, Leandra. Just on my voice. Nothing else."
Panic attack? I'd never had one that felt like this before. All the ones I'd had, I could at least let my breath out.
"I can't breathe." It took me several tries to choke that out, my voice strangled in my chest and throat. I couldn't speak again, but what I did manage to say ended in deep, crushing bawls. That solved the issue of getting a breath out, but I still couldn't get one back in. Locked back up too tight.
"I know." He replied quickly. "I can see that. Breathe, Leandra. Please." I really couldn't. I fought with myself. A war I was losing.
Andrew ran back in, holding the phone out to his dad.
"Focus." Richard told me, taking the phone. "Stop fighting it. Slow down." Slow down. That was a good place to start. Richard looked back at Andrew again. "Go wait in the hall."
"Why?" He asked, despite Richard's tone. "Dad-"
"Let me talk to her." He insisted. "She'll be okay. Go."
I squeezed my eyes shut as he did as Richard told him, giving me one more worried look as he did so. As soon as the door was closed, he gently gripped my ankle and lowered my leg. I took the hint, lowering my other one, uncurling fully, but I hated it.
"Breathe." He told me, his tone both firm and quiet, and before he'd even finished saying that single word, my throat opened to let me gasp a breath in. That breath was immediately sobbed back out, but I could take another in. Instead of staying uncurled, though, I brought my hands back and knotted them in my hair, drawing back up into a tight, trembling ball.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I kept a tight hold on my hair, sobbing against my drawn up knees. I didn't understand. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on with me. I'd never, ever felt like this before. I was scared, and this reaction only scared me more.
"What happened?" Richard asked once I'd calmed down enough to cry.
"I can't tell you." I choked out, sobbing until my head pounded. I wasn't sure if I should tell him, in case it got back to Josh or Zack, which I had a feeling it would.
I looked up, looking into Richard's eyes. I couldn't look very long. I didn't like the concern I saw there. I already felt like I was falling apart. I didn't need his expression to confirm it.
"Tell me, honey. It's okay." I shook my head again.
"I can't." I whimpered.
"I've never seen you this scared, Leandra." He told me. "I'm very worried." The doorbell downstairs made me jump, whimpering loudly.
The bedroom door opened, and Andrew looked in.
"Please go answer that." Richard directed him. I could tell he just didn't want to leave me yet. I couldn't blame him. Andrew nodded and turned. Leaving the door open.
"Honey.." Richard tried again to get me out of my tense ball, taking my wrist gently in his fingers. "Talk to me."
I wasn't listening to him, though. Instead, I listened to the door open downstairs, and Josh's voice filtered up the stairs to me.
"She left her jacket." Josh was saying.
"She ran away so fast, I couldn't remind her to take it." Jack's voice told me he was here too.
I flinched harshly away from Richard and crossed the room as quickly as I could. He turned, watching me with a deeply concerned gaze. I tucked myself into the corner beside the desk, just underneath the window.
His eyes studied me, watching me closely as I whimpered and pulled my knees tighter to my chest.
"Leandra?" Richard murmured. He must not have been paying attention.
"So what'd you do?" I heard Andrew ask downstairs. His voice wasn't particularly loud, but it filtered upstairs just enough that I could hear it.
"What?" Josh asked, surprised.
"She came in, freaking out." Andrew replied. "I swear, I've never seen her that scared before. What did you do to her?"
"She's been freaking out since Seattle." Zack was here too. "Is she okay?"
"No." Andrew answered. "She's not."
"Girls freak out for no reason all the time." Jack replied. "I wouldn't worry too much about it. She'll be fine soon."
"Just sit tight, okay?" Richard murmured to me, gently smoothing my hair before he stood up and left the room. I forced myself to keep breathing, but I kept my unblinking eyes on the open door. Trembling violently, waiting for Jack to appear in that doorway.
Moments later, Andrew and Josh came up the stairs, stepping into the room.
The more I tried to relax out of my ball, the tighter I held. I didn't feel safe anymore. I knew I was a source of fascination, but the more people came to see me, the more unsafe I felt. I needed to get ahold of myself, but I couldn't. Not with Jack himself just down the stairs.
"See?" Andrew asked, gesturing to me. "That's not over nothing."
I wanted so bad to explain. I wanted so badly to tell Josh that his uncle was nothing but pure evil, but I couldn't. I literally couldn't force myself to say it. Jack told me not to say anything, and I wouldn't.
I couldn't stop thinking about that day. The day I last saw Jack.
"Leandra." Josh strode forward and kneeled beside me. "What is it?"
"Andrew. Come here, son." Richard called up the stairs, and he sighed, turning. Jogging back down the stairs.
"Come on." Josh murmured, obviously very worried. "What's wrong?" He waited. "I'm not hurt. It's okay." He probably thought this was over what I did earlier in the day.
About a minute after leaving the room, Andrew groaned from the stairs.
"Aw, dad." He said. "Why?"
"Don't argue with me." Richard's stern voice said. "I'll be up in a minute. Just wait for me up there." Andrew came back into the room, and I couldn't help feeling guilty. His bad mood was my fault, and that thought restarted my tears.
Andrew brought the phone now in his hand up to his ear.
"Josh." Mark called from downstairs. "Come on, kiddo."
"Feel better, Leandra." I covered my ears at Jack's parting words. The more he was able to talk to me, the harder I trembled. Josh sighed, patting my hand lightly as he stood.
"Bye." Andrew called after him.
"Bye." Josh returned, leaving the room.
I was overwhelmed, and I needed just a little bit of time to calm down. There was a limit to how much I could handle, and I was at that limit. I closed my eyes, clenching my teeth through a handful of sobs.
There was only one person I would tolerate right then, but he was busy.
Richard switched places with Josh at the top of the stairs, and came back into the room as Josh started down the stairs.
"There's no answer, dad." Andrew sighed and I glanced over. I wasn't sure who he was trying to call, but that didn't matter for very long.
"Keep trying." Richard instructed calmly. He kneeled in front of me, and I met his eyes fearfully. The concern was gone, to my surprise. Replaced by what could only be described as understanding and slight pity. "Leandra, I know. He won't get to you here. I promise you."
"What are you talking about?" Andrew asked, sitting on the side of the bed. The phone still at his ear.
"You know?" I asked in a quiet whisper. How did he know?
"I know." Richard repeated, nodding. "He won't get through that door. Not with me here. Okay?"
"Who?" Andrew demanded. "Dad, who are you talking about? Who won't get through-" He cut off, suddenly getting an answer on the phone. "Um.. Hi, Mr. Cullen." Richard immediately pulled back, reaching for the phone.
"Andrew, sit by her, and don't leave her side for a second." Richard instructed, standing. "Don't try to pull her out. Let her stay like that. She's protecting herself."
To enforce that, I gently curled tighter. Quickly doing as he said, Andrew landed beside me and we watched Richard as he stood near the door, placing the phone to his ear.
"There's a bit of a situation here. It's.." He sighed. "It's Jack."
"What about him?" Andrew asked, clearly getting frustrated. I glanced over, meeting his eyes. I felt so bad for leaving him in the dark.
"Jack.. Is my stepdad."
It took him a few seconds of thinking before he really understood.
"Oh." He muttered flatly. "Oh, no.. Wait.. How?"
"I didn't know." I cried quietly. "I didn't even know.." That answered all of his questions. I could see it.
"Yes." Richard answered into the phone. "She has. She was stuck in the car with him all the way back from Seattle-" He hardly got to finish saying that word before he cut off. "We'll be here."
I knew he was coming. As bad as I felt about that, I was relieved.
Richard hung up, and turned, coming back over. He stood by me. He didn't try to pull me from my frightened ball. He let me stay there which really helped.
"They don't even know." I explained further when I could. "Zack or Josh. Or Mark. None of them." Richard looked down at me.
"They don't know?" Andrew asked, now surprised.
"No." I replied. "And you can't tell them, either."
"Why not?" He asked, frowning. I couldn't explain it. I had many reasons, and one of those reasons was because I didn't want to hurt them. Finding out the truth would hurt them. Andrew wanted to press. "Leandra?"
"I can't." I shook my head again.
It only took a few minutes for the door bell to ring again, and Richard left the room.
"That was fast." Andrew commented, but I was happy about that.
I felt so stupid, so bad for ruining Carlisle's hunting trip, but the moment I saw him, I uncurled and ran to him. I couldn't help it. Carlisle had been there too the last time I saw Jack, so I knew for sure he knew what I was going through right then.
"We haven't been able to get her out of that corner since she got into it." Andrew murmured, surprised. After a brief, comforting hug, Carlisle looked me over.
"Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded, sobbing softly. Shaking from head to toe, it hadn't stopped, but I was okay. Carlisle sighed, lifting me. I knew what he was looking at. I knew Jack's hand had to have left some kind of mark around my neck, so instead of letting Carlisle continue to look, I hugged him.
"How is he out so soon?" Carlisle asked, looking to Richard. "I was expecting over sixty years. Not one." He was angry, but given the way he smoothed my back, I knew it wasn't at me.
"Your guess is as good as mine." Richard sighed. "But you better believe I'm looking into each and every one of those records first thing tomorrow."
"How did this happen?" Carlisle asked, still quite irritated. "What was she doing in Seattle to begin with?"
"Um.." I mumbled. "T-That wasn't his fault. It was mine."
"Mark invited us to go with him to pick up Heather's brother." Andrew explained. "I couldn't go, because I had homework, but she wanted to go. I thought it'd be okay, since she'd just be bored here."
"And Jack is Heather's brother." I whimpered. "I-I didn't know that until I saw him." I knew I should have kept going with my explanation, but I really couldn't. I knew the tears down my cheeks told him not to keep scolding. I couldn't handle it right then.
"So.. Wait.." Andrew stepped over. "Dad, you know what happened? You know who Jack is to her?" Richard was quiet for a moment, before he sighed.
"I know." Richard confirmed. "I was working that day. I was one of the ones sent to arrest Jack at the school."
I looked back at him. That had been such a crazy, disorienting day, which probably explained why I never remembered him being there.
"I don't remember." I admitted sadly.
"I'm not surprised." He replied. "I don't blame you, sweetheart. I've been keeping an eye on you. In a way. For my own benefit." He said. "To make sure you're okay, and to be honest, you're really adjusting remarkably well. Especially after a life like that."
"That's why you weren't worried when she had that nightmare." Andrew murmured, finally understanding, and he nodded sadly. "How come you never said anything?"
"That was such a horrible day all around, and I didn't feel that she needed to be reminded of it." I appreciated that, but it happened anyway. I looked back down.
Now that I knew for sure I was safe, I could focus again. Jack was back, but that meant more than just the obvious.
"I can't see them anymore, huh?" I asked quietly. "Josh and Zack." With Jack's return, I automatically lost two of my three only friends. Even without them knowing about Jack's threats.
"We'll talk about that later." Carlisle sighed, but I already knew. That's exactly what was going to happen.
My voice was muted, but still shaky. "That's not fair."
"Leandra. After all he's done," Richard murmured. "It's not good for you to see him again. Do you know what I mean? It'll more than likely only set you back."
"But they're my friends." I reasoned. "Josh and Zack are my friends. If Jack has his way, I'll never see them again. I don't want to have to stop seeing them just because he's moving back."
"He's moving back here?" Richard asked, surprised. "To Forks?"
"Forks or Sappho." I mumbled. "I don't really know. Josh told me."
"I'm still confused." Andrew said, gaining our attention. "Why don't you want them to know about Jack, Leandra?"
I hesitated.
"Few reasons." I shrugged, having calmed down enough to process my answer. "I don't want them to know because he's part of their family. They don't know what kind of person he really is. I don't wanna hurt them like that."
"I can't imagine how they don't know." Richard frowned this time. "He must be better at lying than I thought."
"And.." I went on. "Jack told me not to tell them."
"When?" Richard asked.
"Once we got back." I replied. "Before I ran here. He said I needed to keep my mouth shut.." I trailed off, unsure about continuing.
It was silent for a second.
"So he threatened you?" Richard asked, and I hesitated again, glancing over at him. There was a determination there I wasn't sure I wanted to test. He was looking for reasons to be mad. I didn't want to give him more reasons to be mad.
"But they're my friends." I went back to my earlier argument.
"We'll figure something out, Leandra." Carlisle told me. "But until then, I have no choice but to keep you home." I sobbed a little at that.
"You don't have to do that." I shook my head. "I'll never see them." I looked to Richard. "I can still come over here, right? I can, right?"
"I'm sorry, Leandra." He said apologetically. "I know how upsetting this is for you, but I have to agree with Carlisle. You have to look at it from our perspective, sweetheart. We're trying to protect you."
"Dad, that's not fair." Andrew protested this time. "Jack's not here. He's way over at their house. Come on."
It really wasn't fair.
"We'll talk more about it later, but for now.." Richard sighed, taking my hand. "I'm sorry, honey. The safest place for you is at home. Even if you think he doesn't get to you, think again."
I whimpered, but I looked down. I hated it so much.
Instead of continuing to argue, I jumped down from Carlisle's arms and walked angrily from the room. Andrew immediately followed, not wanting me to go off alone. Carlisle must not have expected me to leave the house, because he wasn't directly behind me, but I did. I threw open the front door and jogged down the front steps.
I just couldn't understand why they were doing this to me. I'd done nothing wrong! Why was I being punished for what Jack did? Why did I have to suffer because he came back? It hurt to have my friends torn away because of him. There he was again, taking everything from me.
Andrew pulled me to a stop before I could leave the yard, and I couldn't help myself. I turned, hugging him as tight as I could, sobbing. He hugged me tight in return.
"We'll still come over to see you." Andrew tried reasoning. "It'll be okay. You'll see."
"You don't get it." I cried, shaking my head. "It's more than just that. I'm losing again because of him. He might not be right here, but he's controlling me again. It's not fair. If he had his way, I'd never see them again. It's what he wants, and those two are helping him do it."
"That's not-"
"I know it's not." I sobbed angrily, sitting on the dark lawn in a huff. "I know they're just trying to keep me safe, but it still feels like they're helping him. It's not fair."
That was all I could say.
I knew then that I wasn't meant to be brave. I wasn't meant to be independent. I was meant to be broke, this little girl, hidden away for my own safety until I died of loneliness.
It was stupid of me to think otherwise. I really should have known better.
I sat there, my sobs continuing. Andrew stayed beside me the entire time, not rushing me in the least bit until I was finally all cried out, pausing for a shaky yawn. He sat with me while I clung to what would probably be my last moments of freedom for quite awhile.
Seeing Jack again had fed the bitterness, the anger in my heart. The hatred toward the world, and everybody in it. I liked who I was with my friends. I had been learning, slowly teaching myself how to stop hating, but now that I'd seen him again, the hate had returned. Triple fold, until I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like it would suffocate me.
What Richard was trying to avoid had already happened. He and Carlisle weren't saving me from becoming the same fearful kid I was before. They were solidifying it. Effectively cutting off my freedom just as much as Jack had.
"Dad." I jumped, looking over at Andrew as he called toward the front door. It wasn't that he was calling for his dad to come outside that made me instantly alert. It was his tone.
I followed Andrew's gaze with mine, spotting the shape of someone coming up the sidewalk from the dark end of the street. I was immediately on my feet until I could see who it was. Andrew stood up as well. I looked back, seeing Carlisle and Richard standing on the porch.
I only relaxed a little when I recognized Heather. She must have just gotten home, because she was still in her work clothes.
"Leandra." She sighed. "I'm glad I caught you."
"Heather." Richard greeted, coming forward. "I don't think I need to guess what's brought you by." I looked back again as Carlisle approached me. I felt better.
"I'm so sorry." Heather started, her eyes on me. "I would love a chance to explain. The boys told me you ran into Jack."
"Not much to explain." I snapped quietly.
"Five minutes." She nearly plead. Why was I getting the feeling that she knew? I didn't reply either way. It wasn't my call.
"Come on in." Richard sighed, waving her forward. I really wasn't sure about hearing anything she had to say, but I was reminded of the situation with my mom. I hated my mom so much for something out of her control. Maybe this was the same? I couldn't imagine anyone knowing Jack willingly. Especially not someone as seemingly nice as she was.
I watched as she headed up the walk, toward the front door. I looked up at Carlisle, and I knew he was going to leave it up to me. With a deep breath, I followed Heather toward the door. I had to admit. The distraction of my curiosity was really welcome.
"I'm sorry." Heather looked to me as soon as the front door was closed. "I should have said something a lot sooner, but I didn't want to impose."
"You know who I am?" I prompted, sitting down shakily. Did the entire town know me without me knowing them? It was getting a little weird.
"Baby, I knew you when you were four months old." She explained with a small sigh. "I knew Chris. I knew Gina. I knew you when you were just this tiny little thing. I held you so many times."
To say I was surprised was an understatement. I looked down in thought. I searched through every memory I had, and for the life of me, I couldn't recall her face, but her name..
"You're Heather." I mumbled, understanding. My mom had mentioned someone named Heather back when I first started living with her. How had I forgotten that until now?
"Yes." She smiled a little.
"My mom remembered you."
She nodded with a sad laugh.
"Chris used to bring you to the park here in town." She sat down as well, across the coffee table from me. "The same park I took my boys to as often as I could. You were too little to play much when I first met you, but you used to love spending time with Zack."
This was so weird to imagine. "Really?"
"Feel free to confirm this with him." She offered gently. "But I wouldn't lie to you, baby. I have no reason to."
"So she knew Zack when she was a baby?" Andrew asked, amused.
"And Josh." She nodded. "She was bossing them around when they were all in diapers." I couldn't help smiling a little.
"It became almost a weekly routine." She said. "Chris would bring you to the park almost every Saturday, and I admit, I loved to see you growing. Just as much as I watched my own boys growing." She paused, looking down as if gathering her thoughts.
"I didn't meet Gina until you were almost two years old. She became the one to bring you to the park, but we did a lot of talking." She hesitated again, and the silence in the room was thick. She finally took a breath. "It was my fault Gina met Jack."
It stood out to me the word she used. Fault. Like she was guilty of a crime.
"I wasn't expecting him to come looking for me." She murmured. "He had just gotten into town, and when I wasn't home that afternoon, he came looking. If I had known, I never would have gone."
I frowned. "It's not your fault."
"I should have been more careful." She smiled sadly. "I saw it going wrong the moment he looked at her." I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be feeling, so I settled on being guarded.
"Okay?" I frowned even more, standing up.
"Honey." She stood up as well. "I knew who you were the second I saw your chart in the hospital. The second I saw your name, but the second I saw that last name, I knew why you were there. I was surprised, though. I always believed Chris had taken you in the divorce. I believed you were with Chris, so I stayed as far away from that situation as I could. Never once has Jack ever mentioned you. Had I had any idea you were with Jack, I never would have rested until you were out of that house."
I hesitated, slowly turning to face her. My arms stayed crossed, but I wasn't glaring.
"You know." I mumbled. It wasn't a question. I didn't even need to say more. I fell silent as she took a breath, seeming lost for words as she sat back down.
"Of course." She finally admitted, her voice a lot more strained. "I know, sweetheart. I do know. How can I not know? He's my brother." She shame in her tone and her face made me sit back down as well. It was the same shame I felt in myself. It was my degree of shame, and it clicked.
"But.." I frowned again, confused. "Why's he with you now? If you know what I'm talking about, why.. Why do you even still talk to him?"
"Very long story short.." She said, trailing off into a short pause. "Where do I even start?" I sat quietly, waiting. Now intensely curious to know more. She glanced up at me, and I knew she was looking at me like I was looking at her.
"I ran away when I was sixteen." She finally admitted. "I wound up in Seattle, where I met Mark. I wasn't looking for him, or any kind of relationship, but he was just there. To say I had some trust issues.." She trailed off, laughing once humorlessly. "I never told him about my.. Very complicated past with my brother. To this day, he still doesn't know."
To anyone else, the fact that Heather hid that one major detail from her husband would sound crazy, but I definitely understood how she could hide Jack's secrets that long. I would probably be hiding everything about me if I didn't have someone who cared enough to keep at it.
"Zack had just been born when Jack found out where I lived." She went on. "He just showed up one day. Imagine my surprise." I could imagine how she felt, and I felt so bad for her. "By that time, I was so ashamed for hiding it from Mark for so long, I couldn't just tell him. So I played my part. I moved us here, away from the city, in hopes Jack wouldn't follow. Of course he eventually did.
"I say it's my fault, because I never said anything." She went on. "Had I done something instead of just running away, maybe everything that's happened since then could have been avoided. I never told Mark, and Jack had always played into that. I'm not surprised he called Mark the second he could. Mark thinks he's doing me a favor, and I don't blame him one bit for it, because it's just that. He doesn't know."
"But what about the boys?" I asked. "Aren't you worried?"
"I was." She nodded. "I was very worried at first, but they adore him, and I have to admit. He's always been good to them. I still don't trust him alone with them, so I don't know how this is going to play out, but he knows how protective I am. Which is probably why he never mentioned you."
I wanted to ask more questions. I wanted to know everything I possibly could.
The only other person I'd ever known to have survived Jack was my mom, and she'd been asleep through most of it. Heather knew, and she could tell me so much, but I also knew there were more pressing questions. I had to pick a good one.
"But then how is he here now?" I asked. "They said he wouldn't ever get out. Can they do that? Just.. Let him go?"
"That's the question." She sighed. "Law is an area I'm very unfamiliar with. I can't tell you exactly how he did it, but I would bet money it had something to do with our father."
I could never imagine what Jack's father was like, but I suddenly wondered. The way she talked about him told me she didn't have a very high opinion of the guy.
"Has he been known to get Jack out of trouble before?" Richard finally spoke up.
"Jack's never been in trouble." She replied. "Not like this, but there's no way our father would let him stay in prison for very long. As hopeful as I was, I'm surprised he stayed in there as long as he did. Our father is definitely the type of man that can offer a price to make something go his way, but they're both resourceful. A lot of money has probably gone into this, but something must have changed."
"Do you know how I can get into contact with your father?" Richard pressed a bit more.
She nodded. "He still lives in San Diego. I'll get his address and phone number to you first thing in the morning."
"I appreciate it."
She looked at me, and again, I couldn't shake the feeling that I could see a lot of my own corner of hell in her eyes. It was weird to look at her now. Throughout my entire life, I'd never imagined what Jack must have been like as a kid. It'd never crossed my mind, but I was looking at someone that had been there, and grown up with him.
She smiled sadly. She reached over and hesitantly picked up my hand.
"I wanted to come here and explain, because I'm right there with you. I'll figure out a way for you to see the boys. It's the least I can do. There is nothing I want more than to have you three be friends, but until Jack figures himself out, that probably shouldn't be done at our house."
"I know." I mumbled. "They already said I have to stay away." I glanced back at Carlisle, before I looked at her again. "But, I.. I-I have so many questions."
"I know you do." She smiled a little easier now. "I'll answer anything you want to know, but another time. I really should get back, but I'll do what I can from where I am."
I nodded, looking down. She was quiet for a few seconds.
"Again." She murmured. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I had absolutely no idea. I cared about Gina, but she made her choices. I couldn't tell her what to do. Not for lack of trying, but had I known she'd drag you into it with her, despite my warnings, I-"
"You'd warned her?" I asked, frowning.
"I tried." She confirmed. "I tried to talk some sense into her. She insisted she was fine. I knew she had no idea what she was getting into, but I've never met anyone as stubborn as she was."
I nodded a little, agreeing. I knew she had to get back, so I did what I could to be satisfied with those answers for now.
"I don't blame you." I finally mumbled. "For anything. And I'm glad you came over here."
"Thank you for allowing me to." She patted my hand gently, releasing it to stand up.
I stood up as well. "Be careful around him." I had to warn her.
"Don't worry about me, baby." She replied, smoothing my cheek a little. "I'm pretty sturdy, and besides. He knows he needs me, and I have enough dirt on him, it would bury him."
"Doesn't mean much." I countered. "He told me not to tell the boys that I even knew him."
"I gathered that." She wasn't happy about that. "Don't you worry. Like I said. I'm protective of my kids, and I still consider you one of mine. He's going to find out tonight that I won't put up with any of his crap. Now that I'm involved again, he's not going to hurt you."
I wished I could believe her, but I believed my family way more.
I sat back down as she left. I felt more exhausted than I'd been in a very long time, but at least I wasn't crying anymore.
"I tried to be brave." I mumbled. "I tried. I just don't get why I have to be punished for what Jack does."
"Please don't see it that way." Carlisle sighed sadly. "Leandra, despite what you may think, you're ten years old."
"I know that." I sighed, looking down.
"You still have the mind of a child." He told me, crouching slowly in front of me. "And that's a very fragile thing. There is only so much you can handle, and despite how you continuously prove us wrong, I'm not going to let you test that. Not with how much you still struggle."
"How bad was it, dad?" Andrew asked, looking to Richard as he drifted to us as well. I was sure now he underestimated the severity of it.
"I know." I mumbled to Carlisle, giving up. "I know that. I just wish I.. Didn't have to let him control my life again. That's what he's doing, you know. He knows you'll keep me away. He knows that, and when he gets his way, I'll never see his nephews again. He'll win again."
"What are the odds of that?" Richard asked quietly. I looked up, meeting Carlisle's eyes briefly. Trying to tell him without telling him that I wouldn't fight him on this. He was only trying to protect me, and I knew that, but it still hurt.
"It'll be okay, Leandra." Andrew stepped closer to my side, putting his arm around me.
"I know." I murmured, turning and hugging him. Gentler this time. "Thank you for being here."
"Anytime." He replied. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"I'm sorry I scared you." I told him sheepishly, releasing him.
"I get it." He said. "I just didn't before. I don't know all of what he did, but with how scared you were tonight, I already hate him."
"Don't take it out on Josh and Zack." I said as Carlisle stood and took my hand. "It's not their fault. Just.. Try to stay away from Jack, okay? I don't care what they say. He's good to them, but he's always been bad."
"But.." Andrew frowned a little. "Leandra, they deserve to know-"
"No they don't." I replied firmly. "Nobody deserves that."
He pursed his lips, and I could see he still disagreed.
"Plus.." I went on quieter. "I-I'm afraid. He told me not to tell them, so that means you can't tell them. You don't know what he's like. Please don't tell them."
"I won't." He finally murmured, concerned now.
I looked down. I hated this reminder. I was begging him now the way I begged Edward not to get me into trouble that day during the field trip. I didn't like the comparison, and it just jabbed at my already sore nerves.
"He's not getting anywhere near you, Leandra." Carlisle assured me gently.
"I'm so scared.." I couldn't help admitting that, my eyes closed.
"I'm going to figure this out." Richard assured me next. "No matter what it takes. You go on home, sweetie, and don't worry about anything. If this guy sneezes, I'm going to know about it." That helped a little, and I looked up at him. "I'll fill Charlie in in the morning. I know he'll want to know about this."
He wasn't wrong. I knew Charlie would want to know too. Charlie had been part of it too.
We left that night, and arrived home. Apparently, a couple of the others had cut their hunting trip short along with Carlisle. Esme, Alice and Jasper all stood waiting as I climbed out of the car, and their expressions told me he'd filled them in.
My eyes were still sore from crying, but I was okay now. I was alright now that I was home, and I had Carlisle with me. I felt the safety like a physical thing. Especially as Esme hugged me.
Before Esme could walk me fully inside, Alice's voice had me look up at her in the doorway.
"I'm so sorry, Leandra." I knew then that she felt horrible. She felt guilty? She wasn't going to tell me how stupid I was to go with them at all? "I should have seen it."
"It's my fault." I said, trying to ease her guilt as we made it inside. "Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have gone in the first place. I should have just stayed behind with Andrew. I got myself into that mess. Not you, Alice."
"I am quite upset about that." Carlisle murmured. "However, I think considering tonight's events, I think it'd be best to let that go."
I was grateful for that.
"Leandra, I need to ask again." He went on. "Are you okay? Did he harm you?"
"I'm okay now." I mumbled. "He didn't really hurt me. He wanted to, but he couldn't."
"Did he say anything at all about how he got out?" Jasper asked me. He was far more tense than I'd seen him in a long time, and I knew Jack being free again got to him in a scary way.
"I asked him that too." I replied. "He didn't say. He just said that I shouldn't have doubted him."
"Leandra, we need to talk about your dreams." Alice spoke again.
"I think that should wait." Esme immediately replied before I could.
"What about them?" I asked nervously.
"Leandra, what did he mean by that?" Jasper pressed further. I was getting mixed up. I was already tired, and being asked these things all at once made it hard to focus.
"I-I don't know." I whimpered. "He just said.. He said he didn't know when I stopped believing his promises, but it would stop. He said something else too." I hesitated, and they were listening. "He said he should thank me."
"For what?" Alice asked, surprised.
"I don't know." I replied again. "He didn't tell me that either. He mostly just told me not tell anyone that he knew me. The whole way back, I wasn't allowed to freak out."
"That's exactly when you should have said something." Jasper pointed out.
"Easy for you to say." I countered. "It wasn't your neck in his hands." I looked over as Carlisle approached my side. Once again, I knew what he wanted to see. I raised my chin a little as he looked at my neck, but I continued toward the ceiling. "Or stuck in the back seat right next to him for three fucking hours."
"Leandra." Esme corrected me, and I looked down as I realized which word she was correcting. I shook my head.
"Sorry." I replied. Carlisle sighed, moving my hair away from the back of my neck. Probably to look at more marks. I reached up, lifting my hair away and standing still.
"All I know, is he better pray he doesn't cross my path." Jasper stated easily. "It's hard enough just standing here." I could see that, and it was a little scary, but I completely understood. I just wished I could help him calm down somehow.
"Not one word of this to Emmett or Rose." Esme told all of us. I immediately shook my head. "Not until we can figure out the next step."
Rose or Emmett wouldn't even hesitate. If they knew Jack was anywhere within their reach, they'd happily end him with no thought to the consequences. Something I was learning all about these days. I shuddered.
That thought honestly didn't comfort me. I wasn't after revenge or anything like it. As much as I hated Jack, it didn't make me happy to imagine Emmett getting rid of him. I didn't want that.
"One more thing." I mumbled, and gained everyone's attention again. "He said that he knows where I'm staying.."
"Oh, I dare him to show up here." Jasper immediately replied.
Alice scoffed. "He's not getting passed the driveway."
"I hope you're right." My voice trembled on my left over emotion.
"You're completely safe here." Carlisle assured me, and I accepted his firm side hug. I closed my eyes, and they begged me not to open them again. I was beyond exhausted.
"Honey." Esme noticed. "I think you should try to get some sleep."
"No I shouldn't." I mumbled, looking over at her. "It won't go that well."
"You need sleep." She insisted. She had that tone that left no room for arguing, just like Richard had with Andrew, and she knew how to use it. I knew this wasn't anything I could win by being stubborn anyway.
I sighed, stepping away from Carlisle's side and making my way toward my room. Sleep was the one thing I'd never win against. No matter how much I didn't want to do it, I had absolutely no choice. She was right.
I'd asked Carlisle once what would happen if I just stayed awake and didn't sleep. I didn't like the answer. Eventually, I would sleep. I wouldn't have a choice. I probably wouldn't die, but hallucinations didn't sound that fun to me.
So I would sleep. I'd be awake later, I knew it, but for right then, I would sleep. I chose to take a shower first, though. I needed it to reset. To try to get the smell of him out of my head, and replace it with a comforting smell.
It didn't work, though, which only discouraged me. I had no hope for much anymore, and I felt defeated. I felt sore. A physical ache where the emotion had stolen my strength.
I went to bed, but tossed and turned. I couldn't lay still for longer than a few minutes. My mind was working a hundred miles an hour, despite how tired I was.
I knew for a fact that I was safe here, which did help quite a bit. Knowing I was safe here kept the tears away. It allowed me to think. I felt stupid for acting the way I had at Andrew's house, but I couldn't help it. Not with how unsafe I had felt.
I pulled back the blanket, and sat up. Raising my pajama pant-leg over my thigh, taking in the new bruising that was forming. In the shape of Jack's hand. Mid-thigh, it was just forming. Light pinkish purple, but I knew it would get darker. Good thing I never wore shorts, I thought sarcastically to myself. It hurt, but not enough to really bother me.
That was absolutely nothing compared to what he'd done in the past.
"What I wouldn't give to have Edward's gift. Just for five minutes." I jumped at Carlisle's voice in the doorway, looking over. I sighed, not even bothering to lower the fabric over my leg. He'd already seen it. I looked up, meeting his eyes for several moments as he crossed the room and sat with me. "So much must be going through your mind." He paused, looking down at my leg. "Did he do that?" I nodded silently. He didn't even need to ask.
"On the way back." I explained quietly. "I was shaking pretty bad, and he was right there next to me. He'd told me not to say a word to any one of them about who he was to me, so to get me to stop shaking, he grabbed onto me. It kinda worked for awhile, but I started shaking again. So he squeezed. Hard."
I smoothed the skin over the bruise, trying to wipe off the feeling of his hand on me.
"Leandra, why would you go with them to Seattle?" Carlisle asked, and I knew he was still disappointed. "When you knew exactly how dangerous it is there?"
"I wasn't going to run off." I said quietly. "I wasn't going to wander. Even after I saw him. I knew it'd be really freaking stupid to do it, so I stayed with everybody else." I sighed. "I'm sorry, Carlisle. I-I.. I just knew Andrew needed to work on his book report, so I thought I'd give him time to work on it by going with them." He sighed as well, seeing I had a legitimate reason for my ignorant actions.
"Well, what's done is done, I suppose." He murmured. "We'll discuss this more tomorrow. For now, try to get some rest." I didn't lay down right away.
I only scooted over and hugged him. A tired whimper leaving me.
"I know how much you don't like being confined." He murmured comfortingly. "But until we can figure out what to do, it's our only option."
I didn't bother arguing. I'd figured that would be the result. I sensed my freedom had ended, a figurative leash clicked into place. All because Jack had decided to come back. He hadn't known I'd be there, but he knew where I was.
I knew he had been planning to at least pay me a visit, if only to let me see just a glimpse of him in hopes he could squeeze just a bit more fear from me. He'd always lived for my fear, for hearing me cry. It wasn't any different now. This had been so much better for him. I knew it.
I was tired. I was always so much more emotional when I was tired.
"Can you stay?" I asked quietly, pulling back. "Just for a minute." Just by being there, he kept the insecurity from keeping me awake.
"Of course." He replied, and I nodded, laying down. I didn't want to waste any of the minute I had him here. I yawned as I brought the blanket back over me. Curling onto my side, the blanket curled under my chin. I glanced up at him, making sure he was still there before letting my eyes close.
I'd see Carlisle again tonight. I was sure of that. When he'd have to come in and wake me up from a nightmare I could still see while I was awake. They'd be so much worse now. There was no doubt in my mind about that. With such a fresh reminder of what Jack's chuckle sounded like, and the way his eyes looked into mine. Threatening me without even saying a word.
As I was falling asleep, though, I found a part of me I didn't want to find. A sadder part of my emotions that I had no way of explaining out loud. A tired part that I would never try to tell anyone about. Not with how upset they'd always get when I tried to explain it to them.
This part of me remembered the way Jack treated me. It recognized it, and it hurt me to realize that that part of me finally felt normal. With the familiarity, came a sort of resigned peace. Logically, I knew it was so stupid to feel that way.
My family had shown me that there was more to life than being beaten for fun, and I loved them for it, but my life now didn't change the fact that I'd been raised that way. That feeling was spending more than half my life learning how to survive as a victim. I knew those steps, and I knew that routine.
I knew exactly what it was, but it was such a shameful part of me, I could never tell them. It wouldn't do any good anyway. They'd tell me I was wrong, and leave it at that.
I struggled a lot with that feeling in the beginning, right after Jack was first taken away, and I definitely fought it around Keith. I craved familiar. I fought with it. I thought I'd won, and though I'd never felt quite 'normal', I'd been learning how to be. Until now.
Now that Jack was back, though, so was that feeling.
A/N: Okay, so there's something I feel like I need to address. Maybe I should have addressed it sooner. I never had this problem the last time I posted this, but I suppose it depends on the person.
I grew up in a place much like Leandra's. I've always written to help work out the things I'm going through. It helps to not have to focus on my own issues for a little while. I never had anyone save me like she was saved. My story doesn't end with justice or closure or anyone caring about me or my situation.
In real life, sometimes there is no happy ending and the road forward isn't always paved neatly. Feelings and emotions aren't black and white, but quite a bit of gray. Sometimes people let you down, hurt you, and sometimes people you love go through things you never imagined, but there is beauty at rock bottom. I've been there enough times to know it well. It sucks unbelievably bad while you're there, but you find out things about yourself that you never knew you knew.
I write as a way of getting those things out of there. Of course the story is her own, because I can go over it and change it as I want to. If it's harsh, I'm sorry. If it's hard to read, I'm sorry, but it's what's in my head.
ANYWAY.
THANK YOU to my reviewers! Even if one wasn't that great. I still appreciate it.
Yeah, this chapter is mainly filler. We get answers next chapter, and start moving forward. It won't take long.
Until Seven, my friends.
