Chapter Eight

"Do I really have to be there? Is that really a good idea? People hate me, remember?"

Before I even knew it, the day of their high school graduation had arrived. They were making me be there to watch it. Considering this was the first time I'd shown my face out in public in days, I was pretty nervous.

The last thing I needed was to be chased out of the auditorium by a mob of people.

"You'll be fine." Esme assured me. "You'll never get anywhere by hiding."

"It's worked so far, hasn't it?"

"We'll be right there with you the whole time."

I hadn't heard anything about Jack since the day after he got out, but I assumed nobody had been allowed to kill him. I assumed they would tell me something when the problem was solved, if only to stop me from worrying.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wear the dress until the party after the graduation. During the actual thing, I could just wear my normal jeans and a nice shirt.

Dreading later, I climbed out of the back seat of Carlisle's car in the crowded high school parking lot, closing the door behind me and letting him take my hand. He rounded the car with me to Esme's side.

I hadn't been back here since the day of the fight last year. We were in a whole different part of it, but it was still a little bittersweet. I felt like a whole different person than I was back then. A part of me had been changed that day. Part of me had woken up when I finally snapped, and I was still fighting that.

I felt a little exposed out here. Without even meaning to, I scanned every face around me, waiting for worst. I didn't know what reason Jack would have to be here, but I doubted he'd even try. There were way too many people, even for his daring side. Still. I held tight to Carlisle's hand, sticking right to his side.

It was a little chilly today, especially for June, but I knew we wouldn't be spending too much time outside. Carefully stepping around a puddle, I followed Carlisle closely toward the auditorium. He patiently stayed with me as I avoided getting my shoes wet.

Once inside, I looked around at all the people already here. Instantly stepping closer to his side at just how packed it was. Most of the town had to be there. Apparently, people graduating was a very big deal.

"Wow." I mumbled. "I sort of wish I stayed home with Emmett."

"You'll be fine." Carlisle assured me with a slight chuckle. Me being uncomfortable around so many people was nothing new. I'd always been this way. For as long as Carlisle had known me, being stuck in the middle of so many people I didn't know made me deeply uncomfortable.

"Leandra!" I turned sharply, looking back at a rather familiar voice. Carlisle turned as well, and for once, he seemed surprised.

"Josh?" I couldn't help smiling as he pushed his way passed a group. A quick glance around him told me he was by himself. Aside from the unfamiliar kid following him.

The two of them made it to my side, and I was even more surprised as Josh greeted me with a hug.

"Hey." I smiled again as he pulled back.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. "Any better?"

"Um.." I glanced up at the people that walked by us. "Yeah, a little."

"Oh, crap." He laughed, and turned to the kid next to him. "Leandra, this is Noah. Noah, Leandra."

"Hey." Noah greeted me kindly, waving with a small smile. I returned it.

"His brother is graduating today." Josh explained. "I came here with them to watch. We've gotta save some seats for his parents, but I'll be seeing you at the party later."

"You will?" I couldn't help smiling.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Alice invited us. She didn't tell you? Me and Zack. Andrew will be there too."

"Remind me to thank her." I replied, and he laughed.

I felt so much lighter as we parted ways. Somehow knowing he didn't hate me for how I'd acted the last time I saw him made me feel so much better.

Carlisle found us seats closer to the front. Esme to his left, me to his right.

It was easier once we were sitting. I was stationary, able to look around a little better, and I did so curiously. There were so many people here.

I was surprised to find I recognized several of the other kids in the seats all around us. A few finding a group to sit together at. Kids I used to go to school with back when I lived in Sappho. They must have had older siblings graduating.

The difference more than a year could make surprised me. They looked so different. I briefly wondered if I looked different too. Several minutes passed this way, with me just watching these kids, until Carlisle spoke up again.

"Are you alright?" He asked, and I nodded.

"Just looking." I murmured in reply. "I know those kids." I nodded toward the group of five or six kids a few rows to my right. They hadn't noticed me yet, thankfully. Allowing me to get my look without having to hope that they didn't try to talk to me.

"Why don't you try talking to them?" He offered, and immediately, I shook my head.

"I hated them." I replied quietly. "I still do." He hugged me into his side with a sigh while I kept my eyes on them.

Once it actually got going, I tried to ignore everyone around me, and it actually didn't take that long. Just all the clapping and noise around me at each name called got to me a little bit. Making me edgy, because I wasn't used to it, but I grit my teeth and dealt with it.

Some old lady sitting behind me wore too much perfume that was making my stomach turn, and I felt too warm around all these people. Being packed this close to them, where any of them could reach me if they wanted to, I wanted to run. It was stupid to feel this way, but I couldn't help it. This was hard on me.

I couldn't wait to get out of the auditorium when it was over, but by holding my hand, Carlisle ensured I did have to wait. Not letting me run on ahead. With the group trying to leave all at once, I could see why. Even after waiting, we still wound up in a tight packed group filing toward the door.

He eventually had to lift me, because I was about to bite the person next to me as he kept bumping into me. I didn't appreciate strangers pushing me over. Even unintentionally. I was small, so there was a good chance he didn't even know I was here.

With Carlisle holding me, I could see above the sea of people, which made it a little easier to breathe without panicking.

"You're doing great, Leandra." Carlisle assured me, which made me feel a little better, but not by much. At least he thought so.

Out in the parking lot, it was even more crowded, because the graduates had come out to greet friends and family. Packing together. We found Jasper and Alice waiting by the car, but the fresh air only relieved me enough to cry a little. Nothing huge, just a few tears, but it was enough to gain their attention.

"Being stuck around all those people got to her." Esme explained quietly. Alice sighed and pulled me from Carlisle, holding me in her own arms.

"What am I going to do with you?" She asked, and I looked down. I knew she wasn't mad at me, but I was mad at myself. I knew she could see that.

"You know." She said. "I've never asked you, and I'm rather curious now. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Me?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you." She laughed a little. I pursed my lips a little in thought. That was a question I didn't know how to answer, because it was something I couldn't remember ever giving much thought to. I never expected to live that long, and lately, I'd been too busy with my own problems to think more than a day ahead. Besides Andrew bringing it up.

What kind of life would I even have when I grew up?

"Alive." I answered, and her expression softened.

"That's not what I mean." She told me, and I shrugged.

"That's what I want to be." I said. "I want to be alive. I haven't thought about much else, I guess."

She gave a glance to Carlisle, a sad smile on her face.

"How did she do?" Jasper asked, looking to Carlisle as well. "There were a lot of people in there."

"The lady behind me stunk." I mumbled, and he looked to me, amused. "But I didn't hit a single person."

"She did very well." I looked over at Edward's approach. "But it was really hard on her."

"You just need more practice." Alice assured me, letting me to my feet. "You'll be alright."

I sure hoped so.

I gave another glance around the crowded parking lot. I had to make sure I didn't see anyone I didn't want to see. With Josh here, I needed to be careful.

"He's not here, Leandra." Edward murmured, but I had to see that for myself.

"I can't help it." He knew that. I sighed, looking down again. "My head hurts."

"We should probably get back anyway. We have a lot of decorating to do." Esme replied. For the party. She gently took my shoulder in her hand, opening the back passenger door of the car for me. I took the hint, hugging her lightly before climbing into the car.

Sighing in relief as she closed the door behind me. I laid to the side, rubbing my tired eyes. Just enjoying the quiet and safety of being in the car.

I had to think, though. I was around all those people, and nothing bad happened.

Carlisle and Esme stayed outside, talking to the others quietly for a few moments. I couldn't hear anything they said, and I didn't try. I knew they talked about me, but I didn't mind. I was so used to it.

I wasn't in there alone for longer than a minute, before Carlisle and Esme climbed in as well. Jasper, Alice and Edward all walking away to their own cars. As we got moving, I felt oddly proud of myself. Content, in a way. I hadn't believed I could do it. Maybe Carlisle and Esme being with me had helped me adjust like it had before.

"Leandra." Carlisle spoke when we were halfway home. I turned my attention to him. "During the party, I want you to stay close."

"To you?"

"To any of us." He clarified. "I think it'll be good for you to be seen, but not alone."

"Okay." I mumbled.

"But don't push yourself. If you need space, just let us know." He went on, and that surprised me. "We'll make sure no one bothers you."

I knew he had no idea how much I appreciated that.

"Okay." I repeated, but my tone had lightened with relief. It got better knowing they wouldn't be disappointed if I needed to get away from everyone. Knowing I had an exit strategy made it easier to imagine what the house was going to be like later. I'd heard about Alice's parties. It was a very intimidating scenario.

As soon as we got home, Alice and Jasper were there already, but Edward wasn't far behind us.

I didn't really feel up to helping decorate, so I sat off to the side to watch.

I fought my thoughts, knowing Edward was around. I didn't want to dwell too much on worrying about Jack, especially anything having to do with my memories. I just wasn't sure what else to do.

I knew he wasn't done. It might have been only a matter of time before he was back in prison or someone were to take him out, but in the meantime, what was I supposed to do?

I looked over, my attention taken by the sound of the piano across the room. I'd heard Edward play before, but nothing like this. The song started off slow, but quickly started to pick up speed and complexity. It sounded so sad, but as it picked up, the feeling did too. It got stronger. Less sad and more determined.

I'd never heard him play this one before. I stood up, and drifted closer. Almost like I was drawn toward the sound. He glanced over as I approached his side, standing there and watching his hands.

How anyone could make sense of those billion white and black keys was beyond me, but it was beautiful when they did. Especially the way Edward played.

"Music can tell you things about a person that words could never come close." He told me. "The same goes for thoughts. People hide so much. I play what I hear, and this is just the music I hear in you."

I kept my eyes down, watching his hands.

"I wish I could hear that." I admitted quietly.

"One day you will." He seemed so confident about that. "Music helps me focus, and I've found it to be very helpful in staying calm. I can teach you, if you want."

"I couldn't do it." I replied instantly.

"It really bothers me how little confidence you have. How very little you think of yourself."

"I know." I replied. "I'm sorry." I couldn't change that.

"I bet you could learn if you tried." He looked over. "You're certainly smart enough."

I smiled a little at his compliment, but to be honest, I didn't know what to do with it. Just like with any other compliment, I heard it, but it didn't stick.

"So these friends of yours." He went on anyway. "I guess I'll finally get to meet them."

"Yeah." I smiled again. "Alice invited them."

"Speaking of Alice." He redirected the discussion again. "She tells me you doubt your gift." I sighed. Not that again. "I'm afraid so."

"Look at me." I replied. "I'm nothing. There's no way someone like me can do something amazing like that."

"Let me see if I can explain this right." He sighed. "When people think about themselves, it's never about themselves. When people think about themselves, it's always a compilation of all the emotions they've ever gotten from people they've ever interacted with. From those emotions comes a rather complicated image."

I focused on his hands still flowing over the keys. Almost like he knew watching him was calming. Something about the movement with the sound was calming.

"Leandra, yours is very dark."

"I know." I replied quieter now.

I had no doubts that he saw the darkness in me I couldn't hide myself from. He saw the hatred I had for myself, sometimes enough to turn my stomach. He heard the things I'd heard. He knew the reasons why I hated myself so much, and what happened to make me that way.

It wasn't news to me.

"There is a constant battle in your head." He observed. "It hasn't stopped the entire time you've been sitting here."

Trying to beat back those memories this conversation was bringing forward.

"There is still so much you have yet to say out loud. Why don't you ever say them?"

The answer to that sprang forward before I could stop it. The nervousness, the fear of admitting too much. That was a fear that would probably never go away. The guilt I felt over it. I kept my eyes down, closing my eyes and taking a breath when the briefest of flashes of just one memory got through.

The darkness, the incoherent hisses of whispers against that blackness. My heart reacted to that flash, reminded of a time when that wasn't a memory.

I didn't answer out loud. I didn't have to. All I had to do was look over at him. Ever so slightly, his jaw clenched and he looked back down at the piano.

"It's not that you refuse to see the things we see in you." He went on. "It's that you literally can't. You want to, but you can't. Almost your entire life, your view of yourself was distorted by extreme hate and violent anger, and it stuck that way. Yet you protect it."

I looked down.

"But I digress." He sighed. "The point is you don't believe these things about yourself, but whether you choose to believe it or not, your gift is going to get stronger."

"This is nuts." I shook my head. "You see me, right? There's no way."

"I see you." He nodded. "But do you? Do you really see you the way you see you, or do you see you the way Jack wants you to see you?"

Boy, that was a heavy one. We both knew the answer to that.

"That still doesn't mean anything." I argued. "I still don't know why you guys wanted to bring it up now. I still don't believe a single word of it."

"Yes you do."

"Not fair." I pointed at him.

"What's not fair is the way you try as hard as you can to believe the lies you tell." He countered. "It's not fair to the rest of us that only want to help you, but it's especially not fair to you."

I was trying not to get irritated.

"The signs are all right there in front of you, and you're ignoring them because you're afraid. The proof is right there, but you can't see it."

I didn't know what to tell him. It was just easier not to believe it until I couldn't deny it anymore.

"Fair enough." He nodded. "As long as you're not taken too far off guard."

He started the song over again, as he had been doing this whole time, and I listened to it closer this time. Now that he'd stopped telling me what my mind was like, I could do that.

"You hear this in me?" I asked after a minute.

"I wrote this for you." He smiled a little. "It's not quite finished, but I do like it so far." I smiled as well, amazed.

"Do you have other songs for everyone else?"

"Would you like to hear a few?"

"Yeah." I replied. He finished my song first before flowing right into another, more complex one, but it was slower. Right away, it captured my attention. I couldn't place who it could have been for, though.

"Guess." He challenged, so I listened to it closer. Who did this remind me of? The music was so sad, but sweet at the same time.

"Esme?" I asked, and he immediately smiled.

"There you go." He nodded. "This is one of her favorites. I play it every chance I get, because she enjoys hearing it." It fit. Esme was such a beautiful person, but she was strong. I glanced up at Esme across the house as she helped hang party lights. I saw the smile there, so she knew this was for her.

I loved seeing her smile.

"How hard would it be to learn?" I asked. "How to play this this thing?"

He smiled again.

"It wouldn't be difficult. Like I said, you're definitely smart enough." He replied. "All it takes is some dedication, and a certain appreciation for creating beautiful things."

I could appreciate that. It was much better than creating pain.

The song ended, and he let it fade out.

"Try this." He said, reaching down and taking my wrist gently. He placed my hand on the keys, separating my fingers and setting them on the right keys. I was at the lower end of the piano, so he was giving me the slow part. He showed me in what order to press them. Patiently removing his hand after a minute, and letting me do it myself.

It didn't sound as beautiful just by itself. Since it was the lower keys, it sounded sad. I noted that.

"Find the rhythm." He said. "And when I tap you, you join in with that little combination, okay?" I hesitated, but I nodded.

He started off slow, just a few notes at a time, but as soon as I felt the little tap on my leg, I pressed my keys to about the same pace he was setting. I immediately smiled, unable to help it. I looked up at him, and he was smiling as well. Giving me a nod.

"We aren't much alone, but when we add others to the mix.." He trailed off, but kept playing his part, which made my part sound a lot better. I got the idea, and it was pretty brilliant to show me this way.

I didn't finish the song. My nerves got the better of me and I wanted to stop, so he allowed that. Taking over my part for me.

"I say you should consider it." He said. "You've definitely got an ear for it." I would. I'd think about it. He had so much confidence in me, maybe I could give it more of a try. Some day. Not today, but some day.

If I could ever somehow learn to play the piano like him, I would finally have something worth being proud of.

"Can you play the first one again?" I asked hesitantly. I really liked hearing it.

"Of course." He replied, and he did.

The party was set to begin as soon as everyone arrived, and though Alice had managed to wrestle me into getting dressed, I wasn't that upset about it. Knowing my friends were coming made it a whole lot easier.

The dress fit perfectly, but I still hated it. It hung down just passed my knees, and was a light cotton material. Sleeveless, with thin straps over the shoulders. It wasn't anything too fancy, which I appreciated. I liked the color, a light pastel yellow and white, with a white ribbon around the middle, but I didn't like the fact that it was a dress.

The whole outfit was so far out of my comfort zone, and Alice had to insist on doing my hair into a tight french braid. Securing my hair out of my face, and it landed down just below my shoulders.

"Oh, don't you look so pretty?" Emmett plopped down next to me on the couch. He said the same thing the last time I had to wear a dress, but it didn't irritate me as much this time. "I can see your ears." They were normally hidden.

"I get to burn it." I smiled a little, picking at the dress.

"Hopefully after you're done wearing it."

"Duh." I muttered. "I'm not gonna burn it while I'm wearing it." He laughed at my obvious attitude, reaching over and covering my face with his hand. I gave him a look, but it was funny. His hand was almost the size of my face.

Moving my head just right, I managed to bite onto his hand between his pointer finger and thumb.

He looked at me, watching me as if fascinated as I watched him right back. Gently, he moved his hand, which turned my head. Trying to shake me off without hurting me, or testing my grip.

Surprised, he looked over at Carlisle as he walked in. "She's biting me."

"Tattler." I mumbled as if Carlisle couldn't see for himself. I laughed at how obvious it was, and the way it must look to him.

"No." He chuckled. "I mean it as a good thing. You haven't bitten me like this in a very long time, shorty."

"Grr." I grumbled through my teeth, carefully biting harder on his hand until I felt something off. I frowned, releasing him.

"What?" He asked.

"Ow." I muttered, poking one of my teeth. It didn't really hurt, but it felt more like a sharp ache. It was the one right next to my front top tooth, and I hadn't noticed it hurting before.

"Lemmie see." Emmett insisted. I opened my mouth, pointed it out, and he poked it.

"Oh, it's loose. That's normal." He said. "That's supposed to happen. I could yank it out right now, if you want?"

"You?"

"I'd be way faster than slamming a door." He chuckled.

"No." I laughed, covering my mouth and leaning away. "It's not done yet. It would hurt too much."

"Nah." He said. "By the time it hurt, it'd be gone." I shook my head. "No? Aw."

"You can yank it when it gets looser."

"Yay!" He grinned. He held his hand back up, and I bit him again. Chomping lighter, but I still got my point across.

"Can we focus, please?" Alice sighed, walking into the room. I instantly let go of Emmett's hand, sitting straighter and giving Alice my full attention. I was relieved to see that I wasn't over-dressed. My outfit was pretty relaxed compared to Alice's.

"Ew." Emmett muttered, wiping the spitty part of his hand on my shoulder. I had a hard time keeping a straight face through that.

"Let's go over the plan." Alice went on. "Remember what Carlisle said. Stay with one of us or one of your friends at all times. I don't want you alone for a second. There's going to be a lot of people here, and more than a few of them are bound to know you."

"I won't be here to knock some heads together for you, shorty." Emmett piped up. "But we want to avoid any bloodshed, so behave yourself."

That would be bad.

"I think as long as Andrew stays with me, I'll be okay." I mumbled. "He always talks me out of trouble." Carlisle nodded.

"Okay." Alice nodded. "In the meantime, until they get here, stay with us." I nodded as well.

"Also remember." Carlisle spoke up. "If you need time away from everything, just let us know." Both Alice and Emmett nodded, so I knew they were both in on it. Emmett stood up, gave my head a pat as he passed toward the stairs.

It was a large group that showed up right off the bat, like they were scared to be the only ones showing up first. I quickly moved to Carlisle's side as Alice ran off to answer the door, and Esme quickly moved to make sure the snack table was perfect.

"Can I just hide in the closet?" I asked, suddenly very nervous.

"You'll be alright." He assured me, and I couldn't help feeling almost threatened as I listened to the stampede coming into the room. I moved quickly to Carlisle's other side, grabbing his hand. He didn't seem to mind that, seeming to prefer it that way, holding mine in return.

There had to have been twenty people in that first group, and stupidly, I thought that'd be the most that would show up. After that first wave of people, another showed up minutes later.

I'd underestimated how many people were coming, clearly. The more packed the house became, the more intently I followed Carlisle, but I gained a lot of attention I didn't want.

"Kill me now." I muttered after the latest squealing group passed by me. "Please."

As the night went on, Esme stayed pretty busy restocking food that had run out, and ensuring everyone was comfortable. Alice and Jasper were busy wandering around, talking to everyone, so the one I chose to stick with was Carlisle as he wandered more slowly, keeping an eye on everyone. I hardly saw Edward at all, but I knew he was around there somewhere, along with Bella.

The music was loud, but the people were louder. I hadn't let myself calm down once yet. I knew all I had to do was run off to my room, but making it from where we were on the second floor all the way to my room seemed like a mile to run. Too far for my taste, and every time we had wandered close enough to it, it felt too much like chickening out.

I did eventually have to leave his side, though. In the middle of the busiest place, I had to find the bathroom through the flood of people. There was a rather large group just parked right outside of it.

"S'cuse me." I grumbled, but they didn't seem to hear me. I repeated it, trying to step around them. Having to back up when one would move unexpectedly. Until I got irritated, making my voice louder. "Move your ass!"

They parted instantly, surprised by the shout that seemed to come from nowhere, and I darted through the tiny space provided. Slamming and locking the door behind me.

I took several minutes in there. Just taking a breath enough to cry a few tears. I really didn't want to leave the bathroom. I really, really didn't want to go back out there. If they only knew what this was doing to me. To me, this was a big deal.

When I got back out, however, I couldn't find Carlisle where I'd left him. I moved forward, looking all around myself. Maybe he went back downstairs. He hadn't been there in awhile.

Wandering that direction, I still couldn't find him. Standing up on a chair, I looked. Was this some sort of test? This had to be some sort of test. Some way to see what I would do when I was left alone in a giant group of people. I didn't appreciate this test one bit, though. Now definitely wasn't the time to test me this way, because I was positive I was going to fail.

I stepped from the chair, onto a table for a higher vantage point. Looking again, I didn't see anybody from my family. Not even Esme, but that could just be because she was busy trying to make sure kids weren't off doing stuff they shouldn't.

The overwhelmingly crowded room was starting to get to me. Making it hard to breathe. It made me dizzy, and uneasy. Panicky. I didn't like feeling this way, especially in my own house, and I didn't exactly want to throw up all over the floor. I knew there weren't that many people in here, but in my mind, it was wall-to-wall people and I was here alone.

I whimpered, deciding instead of hanging around by myself, I had to go somewhere. I jumped back onto the chair, bouncing from the chair back onto the floor. Instead of moving the larger distance to my room, I headed for the front door. Opening it right as a few more people got there.

I couldn't believe how big these three new guys were. Darker skin, short, dark hair and dark eyes. They actually seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see them. One, obviously deeply confused, frowned and looked me over. There was one I recognized.

"Oh, this is rich." The front-most newcomer spoke, incredulously amused. "You've got to be kidding me. They cannot be serious."

"Party's that way." I muttered, stepping back and allowing them in.

"Do you live here, kid?" The newcomer asked.

"Yeah." I answered, slightly intimidated.

Puzzled, I watched the three newcomers frown a little, looking around as I closed the door behind them all. This made me very uncomfortable. I watched them, unsure about these guys. They were pretty well built. Studying me now with obvious confusion.

The first newcomer laughed again, once more humorlessly. "You're human."

"So?" I didn't get it. Why were they so surprised by me?

"Though you can hardly tell under all the stink."

"Stink?" I frowned. "I don't stink. Who are you?"

He offered me his hand. "I'm Jacob." I eyed his hand, keeping my arms crossed. I wasn't that tempted to take it. "And it's not you that stinks. It's the group of bloodsuckers you're living with that does."

I assumed he was talking about the fact that my family were vampires. I narrowed my eyes, so not up to being talked down to tonight. The condescending note in his tone pissed me off. Not to mention the insult he'd just flung at my family for no reason.

"Shut up, or get the fuck out of my house." Instead of being offended like I hoped they would be, they were all even more amused. Laughing a little at my sharp tone.

"Whoa." The guy to Jacob's side laughed. "Calm down there, little ankle-biter."

"Bite me, asshole." I countered.

"I wouldn't say that around here, kid." Jacob joked at me, inciting more laughter from the three of them, but he was just pissing me off even more. He was being obnoxious, and I wasn't impressed.

He was fueling me, and I was fueling him. Whoever this was was irritating me. Quickly.

"Are you like their pet or something?" Jacob asked anyway. "This has to be some kind of joke."

"I'm not some pet." Jacob looked to me, and my voice quieted. "You don't know everything."

"So explain it to me." He said, and I looked down. "How does a group of bloodsuckers keep a human around without wanting to pounce and kill it? What? Are they waiting for you to age? Like whiskey?"

I wasn't sure what that meant, but I wasn't going to stand there and let them talk about them like that.

"Why are you even here?" I snapped. "You seem like you don't even wanna be."

"We're looking for Bella."

"She's that way." I pointed toward the rest of the house. "Now shut up and leave me alone."

With that, I turned and left the house. I was tired but strung out.

Choosing to stay on the porch, I breathed in the cool, damp night air as I leaned on the handrail. The porch was acceptable, right? I wasn't off getting into trouble.

I breathed in deep, letting it out in a sigh. Repeating that several times. I was deeply convinced at that point that Alice had been trying to kill me when she made plans for this party however long ago. It was darker on this side of the house, easier on my frazzled nerves.

It wasn't raining, but it was threatening to. I could sense it.

Despite how well I had been doing lately, I did have my limits. I did have my limits, and this party was pushing them. Quickly. I hoped I could pass whatever test this was, but I seriously just wanted to cry.

I stood there, calming down for several minutes, until I started to feel like I was being watched. I gave a glance around. Nobody else was outside with me, and as far as I could see, nobody inside was watching me, but I had a feeling I knew who it was that was watching me.

"Yeah," I spoke quietly, knowing whoever was watching me could hear me. "This sucks." To my embarrassment, I actually did start to cry. I was stressed out, overwhelmed, and as much as being outside helped, I knew I'd have to go back in there eventually. I really didn't want to.

Irritated, I pulled my braid out, hating the way it was hurting my head. My usually wavy hair was even wavier now as I patted it down, but I doubted it was too messy. Not that I cared much, though. Closing my eyes, trying nearly in vain to breathe deep.

I looked over, though, at the sound of an approaching car. Oh god, I thought. More? I waited, but as soon as I could see it, I smiled. I recognized Heather's car.

"About time." I called from the porch as both Josh and Zack, along with Andrew, climbed out of the car. They jogged over to me, meeting me up on the porch.

"I'm sorry I kept them, Leandra." Heather also stood from the car. "Forgive me?"

"It's okay." I replied with a small laugh. "You should stay. Have fun for a minute." And get away from Jack for a little while.

She honestly considered it.

"Maybe I should." She smiled. "It looks like a huge turn-out. Think Esme could use a hand?" I doubted it.

"Sure." I said anyway. "She's inside." With a small nod, Heather started toward the door. I was sure Esme would appreciate the offer, too. More parental eyes on the place would always be welcome.

"Why are you out here?" Josh asked, looking back at the brightly lit house.

"It's really crowded." I admitted, sighing. "And I needed a break, but we can go in now."

I turned toward the door, returning Andrew's smile.

On our way in, we raided the snack table, and I led them into the quietest room in the house. My room. As soon as we were through the door, I took off my shoes. I had no plans to need them the rest of the night, so I kicked them across the room.

"Okay." Josh started as soon as we sat down in a circle on the floor beside my bed. "I'm not stupid."

"You're not?" Zack asked, surprised. He shoved him a little.

"I know something is going on." Josh continued. "Mom won't tell us why you can't come over, but she was just fine with us coming over here." Nervously, I looked over at Andrew.

"It's a long story." Andrew told him. "Just let it go for now."

"You know?" Josh asked him. "How's that fair?"

"She's my best friend." Andrew answered with a shrug. "I know lots of stuff that you don't. You'll probably figure it out eventually, but for now, let's just hang out here."

"Your room is huge." Zack added, probably to change the subject before Josh could add to it.

"I know." I laughed a little. "It kinda matches the house."

"Does it have to do with Jack coming back?" Josh was going to press anyway. "Seriously. What do you know that we don't?"

"I can't tell you." I sighed, confirming the fact that there was a reason.

"Why not?" He asked, now intent.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Josh, just leave it alone." Zack muttered. "She doesn't have to tell us every little thing about her life, you know. Maybe it's none of your business."

"Don't you wanna know?" Josh asked him, looking at him where he sat next to me.

"Yeah." He replied. "But I'm not gonna bug her about it. If she wants to tell us, she will. Right?" He looked at me.

"Right." I confirmed. "And it's not that I don't wanna tell you guys. I really do, but I really can't. I don't want you guys to hate me."

If I ruined their view of their favorite uncle, they'd probably resent me for it.

"Just give me a hint." Josh added.

"Just leave it alone." Andrew nearly snapped. "You don't wanna know this, and once you do, you can't un-know it."

I sighed. "This was a bad idea."

"Okay, okay." Josh sighed as well. "I'll stop. I'll just ask Jack tomorrow-"

"Don't do that." I looked at him.

"Josh, Jack is Leandra's stepdad." Andrew finally snapped, and the circle grew silent. I kept my eyes on the floor, heat springing to my cheeks.

"Wait." Josh muttered after a moment. "What?" From the corner of my eye, I saw Zack look at me in surprise.

"Remember what she said about her life before the Cullens found her?" Andrew went on.

"Yeah."

"He's the one that did all that to her." He explained. "She didn't want to tell you because she's worried you won't like her anymore for talking bad about him. He told her not to tell you."

"How?" Josh seemed too surprised to speak much.

"She didn't know you guys were related to him." Andrew replied quietly. "You saw the way she was acting that night. She's not making it up. He's been in prison for the last year."

"No." Josh replied. "I know she wasn't making it up, but.. How? I mean.. We never knew either."

He wasn't mad at me?

"He never told me about you." I mumbled, glancing up. "I didn't know. It's always just been me and him."

"He never told us about you either." Josh replied. "But.. Leandra, the things you said.. He did all that to you?"

Silently, I nodded.

"Your mom knows about it." I added. "She knows, so I can't go over to your house until he's not there."

"How did he get out of prison?" Zack asked. "He was there because of what he did, right?"

"Because of me." I sighed. "All those fights with kids at school kinda proved his point about me, and they let him out until they give him a new trial."

Josh stood up. I watched him, but he only wanted to pace.

"Does that make you our cousin?" Zack asked.

"Not anymore." Andrew answered for me. "Before, you guys were cousins by adoption, but that was taken away when the Cullens adopted her." He nodded.

I watched Josh, though. He seemed to be having trouble with the weight of this information. Exactly why I didn't want to tell him.

"You.." He muttered. "I-I mean.. I can't picture it."

"I had a hard time finding out about you guys, too." I replied. "But you can't tell him you know. I know it'll be hard, but if you tell him I told you-"

"You didn't tell me." He countered. "Andrew did, so he can't be mad at you." Loophole. I'd take it.

"Still." I said. "Don't say anything. Not yet."

He sighed, but nodded.

"I'm not mad at you, Leandra." I was glad when Josh told me that. "How could I be? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't make something like this up." I shook my head. I wished it wasn't true, and I desperately wanted to change it. I'd never make something like that up.

"It's just weird to think about." Zack added quietly. "He's so different from what she told us about him."

"He's good at that." I admitted just as quietly. "I've never met anyone as good at lying as he is."

"Well.." Josh sighed, sitting back down. "At least now I know why. This really sucks."

"I told you."

"I know."

"What did mom say when she found out?" Zack asked, looking over.

"She wants to help put him back in jail." Andrew explained. "My dad took some paperwork to Seattle last week, so we're just waiting on them to get through all of it."

"Well, they better hurry up." Josh said. "If he finds out what's going on, he could just go to California to stay with our grandpa."

"He's not allowed to do that." Andrew shook his head. "He can't leave the county."

"Doesn't mean he won't."

He had a point. My stomach did a nervous flip, but I knew for a fact that if Jack set any part of himself out of line, my family would hunt him down anyway. No matter who told them not to.

We all looked toward the door at a quiet knock. It opened, and Alice poked her head in.

"There you are." She said. "Leandra, can you come with me for a minute?" She gave a small greeting smile to the boys. I nodded, giving everyone an apologetic smile as I stood up.

"Just wait for me in here." I instructed them, standing up. "I'll be right back."

I followed her through all the people, up the stairs into Carlisle's office. To my surprise, Jacob and the two others were in there as well. I hesitated in the doorway, glaring at Jacob. He smirked, along with the two others.

Alice ushered me in, closing the door before Jacob spoke again.

"Port Angeles." He stated, pointing at me. "That was you."

"Yeah." I muttered. "That was me."

"You look a million times better than you did back then." He pointed out. It was a compliment, so I'd take it.

"And you looked better with long hair." I pointed out in return, and he smirked.

"So.. She lives here?" Jacob asked again, looking to Carlisle. "With you?"

"No." I countered sarcastically. "I live in the fucking yard. I'm just in here until it stops raining."

He snorted. "I still think it's funny. This is too ironic to even.. Seriously? A pet human? Is that something your kind does now?"

"That's uncalled for." Alice told him.

"How is it uncalled for?" Jacob asked, laughing again. "You're vampires. She's a human. What am I supposed to think?"

"Who the heck is this guy?" I demanded now, looking to Carlisle as well. "I don't like him."

"And I'm not sure I like this.." Jacob added, pointing between me and Carlisle.

"So?" I snapped. "Good thing nobody cares if you like it or not."

"Jacob." Carlisle sighed. "Would it help if I explained the circumstances?"

"Probably not."

I glared at him, but Alice gently took my shoulders in her hands, turning me to face her. I looked up at her as I heard Carlisle start to explain my situation.

"He's going to help us." Alice explained quietly. "We need his help to fix a problem. They're going to help us, but we're going to need to work with them a little. We need to train."

"Train?" I frowned.

"Work with them." She explained. "Learn all we can learn about what it takes to.. Fix the problem safely."

"Oh." I muttered. "And Jacob is going to help with that?"

"Yes." She replied. "We need their help if we're going to be as safe as possible, so please try not to make him angry."

"Sorry." I sighed. "I don't think he's mad at me yet, though. No matter what I say, they just laugh. I don't like the way they talk to you."

"It's the best chance we have." She reasoned.

"Weird." I looked over at Jacob's comment. "I didn't peg you as one for charity." He glanced to me, and I narrowed my eyes again. I bit back the response I had about shoving something up his ass. Like Alice had said, I didn't exactly want to piss them off if they were somehow going to help my family.

"Well, does she know about you?" Jacob asked.

"Yes." Carlisle answered. "We had to tell her. For her own safety, she's been made fully aware of the dangers."

"And she didn't run screaming? She's just.. Okay with what you are?" Jacob asked. "She's not held prisoner?"

"No." I told him incredulously. "They wouldn't do that to anyone." He huffed, but didn't seem convinced, so I spoke again. "Say that again, I'll knock your goddamn teeth out."

"She's feisty, isn't she?" One of the other newcomers chuckled, looking to Jacob.

Jacob looked to Carlisle. "And you're having us meet her, so you can bring her along tomorrow?"

"Yes." Carlisle answered.

"Afraid she might burn the house down?" He chuckled. "Can't find a fitting babysitter for the precious little pre-leech?" I wasn't sure I liked that name, not that I understood it much. Alice didn't either, given the look on her face when I glanced over at her.

"Not at all." Carlisle replied, seemingly ignoring that name. Probably to keep things civil as he continued. "We trust her completely in that aspect, but I fear who might show up while we're gone. If there are newborns targeting the area, I'd rather keep her safe with us as long as possible. This way, we know for sure that she's protected."

Jacob nodded slowly, sighing.

"Alright." He finally said, shrugging a little. "Bring her along tomorrow then. I'm not sure why you think you need my permission."

"We thought it'd be best not to catch Sam off guard." Alice explained. "Human, vampires.. Treaty?"

"Right." Jacob muttered. "Well, I don't think it'll be a big deal, unless she's bitten between now and then. Bring her. We'll be there." That seemed to relieve Carlisle. Alice as well, given the sudden ease of tension beside me.

"Thank you, Jacob." Carlisle replied. "This is very much appreciated."

"Thank you." I told him quietly as well, and he looked to me. He didn't seem okay with me, but that was probably only because I was a human living in a family of vampires. Why would he care anyway? Who the hell was he to judge?

"Is that it?" Jacob asked.

"Yes." Carlisle nodded a little. With a nod, the three of them turned, leaving the room. Silently, I flipped my middle finger at their backs.

"Leandra." Alice captured my hand. "They're helping us. I know this isn't ideal, but it's the best way."

"How can he help, though?" I asked. "With whatever it is. Sure, he's big, but-"

"That's a long story." She told me. "One I'm not sure they want me to explain to you. I will say, though, that they're more than capable of helping us." I nodded a little, accepting that.

"I get it." I said. "But they said I stink."

She laughed a little. "He's talking about our scent. It allows those that can pick up scents to know that you belong with us. It's sort of like a sign."

"Wait.." I muttered. "He can smell your scent?"

"That goes along with the long story," She answered with a glance to Carlisle. "But yes. They can. I think you'll figure it out tomorrow. We just needed you to meet them first, so they were aware of you before we brought you."

That made sense, so I nodded. It was silent for a moment.

"What's a newborn?" I asked quietly, looking over at Carlisle. "And is that what they have to help you with?"

Alice looked to him as well, probably unsure whether or not to tell me.

"It's okay." I mumbled. "Just tell me."

So she told me. She told me about the situation in Seattle. The newborns causing all the devastation. That was why they were so against me going there alone. Newborns, or new vampires, were very unruly when allowed to be.

Jacob and his two equally-as-annoying friends would be helping them keep everyone here safe. I still didn't know how they were supposed to stop vampires, but they seemed confident enough that they could, so I trusted that. They knew way more about it than I ever would.

The reason I wasn't told before, was because they thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. Not with everything else going on. I had to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed, but I did feel better being brought up to speed.

"I'm okay." I mumbled, but I cleared my head enough for questions to make it through. I took a breath, looking over at Alice.

"The only thing that really bugs me is that you all want to take care of this yourselves." I said, and she smiled as if she knew that was coming. "I mean, are you nuts? What the hell am I going to do if you all go and get yourselves killed? Huh? Do you even know how many are coming? That makes no sense. None whatsoever. Have you looked? Checked to see what it is that's there? I mean, whoever that's behind it really wants to do some damage, right? Well they're not going to make it easy for you-" She cut me off, covering my mouth with her fingers. I mumbled a little behind her hand before I could stop myself.

"Whoa." She laughed. "Easy, miss zillion questions."

"Is zillion a real number?" I mumbled behind her hand and she laughed.

"First of all.." She sighed, lowering her hand. "No. Zillion is not a real number. It's a term lazy people use to describe a large number of something." I frowned a little, before I got it.

"Next, there is no reason to worry here. I know you're a worrier, and you're just going to over-worry, and that's inevitable, but just calm down. Okay? Breathe."

"I can't help it." I mumbled.

"Hence, the 'it's inevitable' part." She said. "We've got this handled, okay? We're not stupid."

"I never said you were." I countered. "Just impulsive."

"We're not impulsive, either." She said. "Why do you think Emmett has been watching the news for the passed month?"

"Because he likes destruction?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Yes, but no." She said, and I laughed.

"With Jacob's help, it'll be easy." She assured me. "I promise. You'll see what I mean."

I left that room a lot heavier than I was when I went in, but I still couldn't help being grateful to know now.

I descended the stairs, surprised to find Zack talking to a group of high schoolers. I didn't recognize any of them, but I didn't feel like looking too closely.

"Hey." I muttered as I found Zack's side. "What are you doing?"

"I got bored." He replied with a shrug.

"Hey." One of the older kids pointed at me, his longer hair falling into his eyes. "You're Leandra, right?"

"Yeah." I braced myself.

"I've heard about you." He said. "I forgot you lived here with them."

"Uh-huh." I mumbled. "Let's go, Zack." I grabbed his wrist, tugging him with me as I scurried away. Much to the group's amusement.

"Are you nuts?" I asked, shoving him into my room.

"Calm down." Zack laughed. "I was fine."

"We told him to stay here." Josh muttered. He was laid across my bed, tossing a pillow in the air. Andrew sat on the floor against the other side of the bed, his head down so low, I barely saw him there.

He looked up at me, right at me and his brown eyes were really concerned. I couldn't figure out why.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Nothing." He finally said. He looked back down, quickly fumbling with something before he stood up. With a sharply sinking heart, I figured out what he had been doing.

I didn't know what to do. I crossed the room and rounded the bed, looking at the floor between my bed and the bedside table. Sure enough, that notebook Alice had given me to write in had been moved from where I had put it last.

I looked sharply to Andrew, but his eyes were on the floor.

I didn't know whether to explode or leave. Keeping quiet, though, wasn't part of the plan.

"Why would you do that?" I snapped loudly, unable to help the way my voice broke.

"Whoa." Josh sat up, obviously confused as he looked back at us. "What'd you do, Andrew?" He wasn't teasing with that question. He honestly didn't know.

"I didn't even know what it was at first." Andrew defended himself quietly. "Leandra-"

"God.." I sobbed. "Why can't you just leave it alone?" I reached down, whipped the book off the floor and stormed toward the door. I was horrified and humiliated. I couldn't breathe. I felt sick.

Zack reached out to catch me, trying to keep me here, so I turned and slapped him across the face. He immediately let me go. I left the room anyway, just so I wouldn't have to see the look on his face.

Nobody was ever meant to read that, but I'd never had one of these before. I didn't know how closely I should have guarded it until Andrew had to go and show me.

Now he knew all the worst things about me. Things absolutely nobody else knew, and for good reason. Things that, as far as I knew, Edward had only seen glimpses of. I kept them hidden away, just so I wouldn't have to see the day when someone would find them out.

I grabbed a lighter off the snack table as I passed. My chest was tight, the mix of heartbreak and humiliation choking me, but I kept going.

"Leandra?" Jasper had noticed me walk by, despite the way my entire family had to have heard me yell at Andrew. I knew that these emotions were something he would have felt from anywhere in the house. I was shaking, I was so angry.

I made my way outside, far off to the side and to the middle of the driveway. I ripped three pages out of the book and set them on fire before I even cared to look at who followed me.

I get the burning pages go, ripping more out before I turned to look. Alice stood closest, but she wouldn't get any closer. Jasper and Carlisle stood back by the door, while Esme slowly drifted closer. Thankfully, no one else had followed, despite how I knew a lot of people had seen me.

Even looking at them wouldn't calm me down. I looked at Alice again.

"This was a stupid idea!" I screamed at her, throwing what was left of the book right at her as hard as I could. Of course she caught it.

"Leandra." Esme asked gently, stopping at Alice's distance. "What happened, honey?"

"It doesn't even matter." I sobbed, turning my back to them and lighting the other pages up too. How desperately I wished I could burn my memories away like this, just to erase them. To make it like they never happened.

I was withdrawing. Hard. I was mad again. I was hurt, and I easily remembered what Jasper had said before about Andrew turning out like everyone else. I'd never thought I could have this much anger toward him, but I didn't even know how to feel anymore.

Someone else knew. My memories of what happened, and exactly how I felt about them. Details of the fear and emotions that came from the dark that nobody else would have ever been allowed to know.

As I stood there, watching the small pile of flames at my feet, I scolded myself. I turned all that anger inside, flipping it around. Hating myself even more. Hurting myself at the same time, and I even felt the way it changed, so I knew Jasper would.

I never should have written them down like that. I never should have believed it was possible to put them somewhere else and keep them private. I was so stupid. I should have kept those thoughts and memories in my head.

I crossed my arms, suddenly cold. I knew to the others, I had to be over-reacting, but to me, and now Andrew, I wasn't. He knew how bad it was in there. He knew how big of a deal this was.

Before the flames were really out, I stomped on the pile with my bare feet, and in my anger, I didn't feel any pain.

"Let's take a walk." I jumped as Jasper finally found my side, placing his arm around my shoulders, yanking the lighter away from me at the same time, and tossing it away. I glared over at him as he started walking with me. I didn't want to walk. I resisted, but he just kept us going.

I got the hint, and just went along with it. Sobbing as I looked down at my feet against the driveway.

He was quiet for awhile, but I knew why when I stopped crying. I calmed down.

"Now." He murmured after a few minutes. "What happened?"

"Andrew read the stupid journal Alice gave me." I grumbled.

"And you're angry about that."

"Yes." I replied bitterly. "There were things in there nobody else was supposed to ever know. And now he knows them. I was so stupid. Now I can't even talk to him again."

"What exactly was written in there that makes you feel like that?"

"I can't tell you." I sighed, frustrated. "But I never should have written those things down. It was a dumb idea, and I fell for it."

"But you can't talk to him again?"

"I can't even look at him ever again." I replied. "If I can't even look at him, how can I ever talk to him?"

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad." He said quietly.

"But it was." I argued, my voice trembling with emotion. "It was so bad. I'm so stupid."

"Stop saying that." He finally said. "You're not stupid. I know you'll feel better after you talk to him."

"I can't." I immediately shook my head.

"What's stopping you?"

"He probably hates me now." I whimpered.

"Why?"

"I hate me. It'll be easy for him to hate me now."

He sighed. "So you're willing to just throw away the entire friendship, based on an assumption?"

I wanted to be stubborn. I wanted to just say yes, and be done with it, but it really wasn't that simple. I wanted to say I was tough enough to do that, to write him off as nothing but a mistake, but I couldn't honestly do that.

"It'd be easier than waiting for him to do it." I admitted, looking over at him.

"Leandra, nothing about the way you feel is easy." He pointed out. "It's very painful. I understand feeling hurt and a little betrayed, but something you'll find out very fast is that you can't make decisions like this for someone. Now, you tell me."

He stopped walking, and I did as well, waiting for him to continue.

"After everything he's done to prove he's on your side, what makes you believe that boy could ever hate any part of you?"

I didn't want to answer that.

"Give me one reason he's given you to doubt him." He pressed in my silence.

I turned slowly and sat down on a log. More like leaned my butt against it, both feet braced out in front of me while I looked down at my hands against my lap.

"You cannot just run away every time it gets hard." He stressed quietly. "That's a very lonely and exhausting life you're setting for yourself. You're entitled to how you feel, but I'm not letting you throw away a good thing just because your pride is hurt."

"It's not about pride." I countered. "I'm not proud of what I did, and it's killing me, but.. You don't even know. Nobody was supposed to find out those things. That stuff was mine."

"He knows he never should have read whatever was in that book, but the fact is, he did. Now both of you are going to have to face that, and talk about it, because if you decide to throw all that away, it'll haunt you for the rest of your life."

"I wanna be alone now." I mumbled, hugging my stomach.

"I'm sorry. I can't do that out here." We must have been too far from the house for him to comfortably leave me by myself.

"Then please stop talking." I glanced up at him, and he gave a small nod. Turning a little, pacing slowly away in a thoughtful manner. That was as close to alone as I'd get right then, but I'd take it.

I knew I couldn't hide out here forever, and I knew he was right. I'd have to eventually talk to Andrew about it, but how would I even start explaining the things he read? I didn't even know exactly how much he'd read. That mattered.

Then, there was Zack. I felt horrible now for what I did to him on my way out of my room. He'd just been trying to keep me from doing something stupid, no doubt, and I hit him.

"What do I do?" I asked after several silent minutes.

He hesitated, sighing.

"Come on." He gestured for me to stand up. Resigned, I did so. I kept my eyes down the entire way back to the house. I could tell that the party was just starting to wrap up by the way people were now gathered outside.

Nervously, I looked up at Jasper beside me. He looked at me, only giving a nod toward the house.

I found Zack and Josh first, standing around in the hallway outside my room. It comforted me that neither of them looked upset.

"Hey." Zack greeted me with a smile. "That hurt."

"I'm sorry." I immediately told him. On the verge of tears myself.

"For what? I was the stupid one that tried to stop you." He laughed. "It's okay, Leandra. Really. Thank you for not aiming at my nose."

"We beat each other up all the time." Josh explained. "I was grounded last year for whacking him with a pillow and knocking him down the stairs."

"I pushed him into the tool shed." Zack added. "He cut his arm open pretty bad on the rake." Josh raised his arm, showing me the side of it. A long scar, about five inches long, ran from his shoulder toward his elbow. It was faded quite a bit, but it was noticeable. Zack went on. "And another time, I gave him a black eye with my elbow when he wouldn't stop making fart noises. A slap isn't gonna break me."

I felt better, but I still felt bad.

"But you should probably go in there." Zack went on, looking toward my room. "Andrew's taking it pretty hard."

I hesitated, looking toward my bedroom door as well. I was honestly scared, but as Jasper had put it, what reason had Andrew ever given me before to doubt him now? Yeah, he read it, but at very least, I shouldn't have left it there. I should have put it away.

I sighed and turned, walking slowly into my room. Esme sat with him on my bed, looking up at my arrival. Andrew kept his eyes down, and I hated what I saw there. It wasn't me yelling at him that had upset him. I knew that look anywhere. I'd infected him too with those thoughts.

"Andrew?" I mumbled, hesitating, and he finally looked up.

"Leandra." He said quickly, standing up. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to.. Do that. I didn't know what it was, and I guess I was curious.. I-I thought maybe it was a notebook for school that you'd lost, and I was gonna give it back to you. I only read a few pages, but I should have stopped when I figured it out. I'm so, so sorry."

"You're not mad at me? For how I yelled at you?"

"No." He replied. "You should have been mad. I'd be mad too. I have one of those too, and I'd be so mad if anyone read it without me wanting them to."

And I was going to throw it away?

"But.." I murmured. "What was in there.."

For once, he didn't reply right away. He looked down. It was clear he didn't know what to say about that.

"You guys can talk about that later." Esme suggested. "It's almost time for him to go." I glanced back at the door. Heather stood there, watching.

Instead of pressing it, I walked forward and hugged him. He sure looked like he needed it. The way he hugged me tighter than usual in return told me he thought the same thing.

"I'm sorry." I said this time.

"I'm sorry most." He replied.

I had a lot of thanking Jasper to do. I was convinced this time that it was it. That it would be too much for Andrew to handle. I was convinced this time that he'd hate me forever, that I'd disgust him.

No words could express how relieved I was. It was humiliating, but in a way, Andrew knowing those few darkest memories and thoughts, and feelings, made it a little easier on me. Like secrets I never meant to share, but he helped me hold those. Like part of those darkest memories now had a little bit of light shed on them.

At the same time, it made up my mind. I needed to talk about them. With someone. Anyone. I needed to talk about them, to get those wounds out to breathe. Keeping them hidden in shame and hatred for myself only gave them more control over me and what I did. It gave Jack more control over me.

I almost threw away one of the things I needed most because of those memories and feelings. That could never happen again. I needed to talk about them.

A/N: This one ran a little long too, but I don't think anyone would really mind. It seems like it was for a good reason.
I'm sorry this is so late! I'll find a good schedule soon. Some reviews tell me to slow down, some tell me to hurry up, but I'll figure it out. I'll find that pace.
THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewers! THANK YOU for giving me your thoughts! I LOVE YOU!

Chapter Nine, of course, will hold the training bit. Now, as you can probably already tell, I'll be going with the movie timeline for that, as I'm a bit rusty with my book knowledge. (*Collective horrified gasp*) I know. I'm not even sure where that book is after like three moves. Using the movie as a reference just makes it easier to visualize in the way that I need to.
ANYHOO!
Until Nine, my friends!