IMPORTANT NOTE!: No, no blood, guts, or even excessive cursing in this chapter. I know, I know. I'm disappointed too.
What I wanted to say, is those of you that usually like to skip the A/N at the bottom, need to read it this time around once you're done with the chapter. At least the important note with it. Kay? Kay.

Onward!

Chapter Nine

I had so much on my mind the entire night. I really didn't get much sleep, and for once, it wasn't because of my dreams.

I was stuck on thoughts of what I realized the night before. I needed to talk about the things that scared me the most, but how was I supposed to do that? They scared me the most for a reason.

I eventually decided, before trying to fall asleep again sometime passed three in the morning, that I would wait. With everything I'd learned the night before about what was going on in my family's lives, I really didn't need to be adding to that. So many more important things should come first. I wasn't refusing. Just putting it off until a more convenient time could come along.

With that decision made, I could fall asleep for a little while.

My thoughts were on the boys all through breakfast. I worried about Andrew, and what he thought now that he'd had all night to think about the things he'd read. I worried about Josh and Zack, and whether or not they would be able to keep that secret a secret.

If Jack found out they now knew, it wouldn't matter who told them. He'd come straight for me. My thoughts were now stuck on Jack. Once again, I wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Leandra?" I jumped a little, shaken from my thoughts at Esme's quiet voice. "Are you okay? You've hardly eaten."

As if reminded, I looked down at my pancakes.

"Just thinking." I mumbled. "I'm kinda worried."

"About what, sweetie?" She asked, now concerned. I couldn't blame her for worrying. I still couldn't really afford to skip eating. I'd been doing pretty well.

"A lot." I sighed, laying my fork down. "Everything."

"Andrew will be okay." She assured me. "He's only worried about you."

"Josh and Zack know about Jack now." I mumbled, and she seemed surprised. "Andrew told them last night. Esme, what if he finds out? He could come here."

"I wish he would!" Emmett called from the living room, but I ignored that.

"I don't like worrying about that." I mumbled. "I don't.. Is it weird that I don't want Jack to die?"

"What?" Emmett called again, now surprised.

"How do you mean, honey?" She asked, much calmer.

"I don't know." I replied quietly. "I'm not.. It's not like I'm.. It's not that I wanna protect him or anything like that. I want him to go away, and I never wanna see him again. I just.. I don't want it to end like that. I don't want him to get killed because of me."

I felt so stupid, admitting that. I knew I had every right to wish that he would die. All the hell he'd put me through, and was still putting me through, I should want him long gone. I should have been begging someone to take him out.

But I wasn't.

"It's understandable." Esme finally assured me. "It's not strange at all, honey. He was the only parental figure in your life for so long. However.. Cruel he was, he was the one that raised you this far. A tie like that is difficult to break, no matter how he treated you. Even if you were attempting to protect him, it wouldn't be strange."

"I should hate him." I shook my head. "For everything he did, and I do hate him, but.. What's wrong with me?" My voice trembled a little as I looked up at her.

"Honey, things like this are never black and white. It's never that simple, and in your case, there are more gray areas than there should be."

"You understand that it's a big deal." Jasper surprised me as he walked in. "A human life is certainly not something to take lightly, and you understand that, but Esme is right. It's not that simple. It's an attachment that was probably built when you were very small. When he was the only one there to provide for you."

"Attachment?" I asked, turning a little to look at him.

"Attachments are something vital to infants and toddlers." He explained. "It's something they do naturally. Attachments are usually built to a mother and a father, or another caregiver in those early first years. Should those attachments be broken for whatever reason, whether it's through death, abandonment, or in your mother's case, an illness, the child will tend to look for anything else to fill that void."

"Jack." I understood a little better now.

"From what your mother has mentioned about that point in your lives, Jack was the one that took that role when your father left." He went on. "Jack provided for you when, as time went on, your mother cared for you less often.

"The further she went from you, the stronger that attachment to Jack grew, because your instincts knew that he was all you had left. He'd been the adult there to feed you and provide some kind of protection, even while your own parents slowly abandoned you. He's been manipulating you and training you from the time you were very young. You had nobody else to show you exactly how wrong it was, and that is what's confusing you now. It's not your fault, Leandra. Being confused about this doesn't mean you're strange or weird."

"But.." I frowned. "Even.. After everything, it's still like that?"

"As you said awhile ago." Jasper replied. "He is all you had. No matter how he treated you or what he put you through, he still fed you now and then. Him and his actions were your normal until the day you met us."

That actually explained a lot.

"A lot of that guilt you constantly feel is a result of that training you were forced to endure when you were young."

"That's why it's our job to exterminate him for you." Emmett walked in as well, sitting down in the seat to my right. He sighed. "But speaking of training.." He looked at Esme. "What are we supposed to tell her when she freaks out?"

"About what?" I asked, frowning.

"We simply won't explain." Esme said. "I think as long as she doesn't ask many questions, they shouldn't have an issue with it. They'll smell her scent, know she's with us, and leave it at that." Scent. She was talking about Jacob, given the discussion I'd had with Alice the night before.

He shrugged.

"I hope you're right."

"I think it's a good idea." Jasper murmured. "This way, we know she's safe, because she's with us. Not left here alone where she can run off, and I can have the chance to work with her a little."

"Where am I going?" I asked curiously.

"You'll see." Esme smiled. "Just stay with us, and you'll be fine."

"Can I carry her?" Emmett asked almost eagerly.

"She's never been carried our speed before, has she?" Jasper asked, understanding.

"Nope." Emmett chuckled. "I'll volunteer to get thrown up on."

"Is it that bad?" I nervously asked.

"You'll be fine." Esme assured me again with a small laugh.

Carlisle descended the stairs just as I gave up on my pancakes. I really wasn't hungry. I kept my eyes down as I walked right passed him, heading for my room to get dressed. I hadn't talked to him yet about how I'd acted the night before. I knew it'd worried him. Jasper had handled it pretty well, and I hadn't seriously hurt anyone, but I still knew I should talk to Carlisle about it.

I chose one of my newest t-shirts and pair of jeans. Nobody mentioned whether or not I needed anything fancier, so that's what I picked. Given everyone else's outfits when I stepped outside, what I wore was fine.

I wasn't sure what to expect. As Jasper pointed out, I'd never been carried that far at their speed before. I yelped as Emmett plucked me right off my feet, holding me in his arms securely.

I used to have my issues with being held, but I was okay with it now.

"Leandra." Carlisle spoke carefully. "When we get there, I need you to stay close."

"Definitely." Emmett agreed, and he wasn't joking.

"Okay." I replied easily. Again, I didn't know what to expect. Emmett was convinced I was going to freak out, but what was really freaking me out, was the fact that nobody was explaining anything.

As soon as Esme joined the rest of us outside, I braced myself.

"Close your eyes, shorty." Emmett chuckled. "That might help." I wasted no time in taking his suggestion. Squeezing my eyes shut, covering my face with my hands, and turning my head to hide my face against his chest. I wanted to be sure I didn't open my eyes.

I wasn't shifted or bounced at all, only held securely. Given the firm breeze passing, I sensed we were moving, and I certainly felt it. Mainly in my head, but also through the entire rest of me.

Emmett really hadn't been kidding. I didn't dare chance a look. I really didn't want to see breakfast again. When Emmett attempted to let me onto my feet, I finally uncovered my face, but I was dizzy enough to sort of melt into sitting on a log.

"Too fast?" Emmett chuckled, watching me as I sort of folded forward, placing my forehead against my knees. I couldn't reply, completely positive that if I opened my mouth to speak, I'd puke.

Instead, I held up a finger. Indicating he needed to wait. My dizziness only seemed to get worse now that I could see, and it was slowly getting even worse.

"You get used to that." He assured me, watching me as I looked up and around. My disorientation was catching up. As if my mind suddenly really remembered how to be freak out. I lowered my head again, covering my face.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle seemed concerned, where Emmett was amused.

"I'm trying not to throw up." I admitted quietly.

"Aw, come on." Emmett muttered. "You closed your eyes."

"I don't think that matters." I replied, keeping my eyes covered. It was the type of nausea that started in my head, chilling me in an unpleasant way and turning my stomach in knots.

"Just remember to breathe." Carlisle suggested. "Deep breaths. You'll be alright."

To distract myself, I looked around. The place we'd stopped was a rather large clearing in the middle of the woods. In every direction there was more forest, but right here, the area looked like it'd been cleared of its trees rather recently.

When my stomach calmed down, and my head stopped spinning so badly, I was able to look even better.

"Leandra." Jasper called my attention. "We've come here early for a reason. You're going to learn a few things today." He paused. "Don't be nervous. Just little things."

It was a little late to tell me not to be nervous. What did he want me to learn? I stood up, hesitating when I wasn't sure if my legs would support me. When I was fine, I nodded a little. He waved me forward, and with a hesitant glance toward Carlisle, I did. Everyone else seemed to be watching, so that made me a little more nervous.

I didn't know what to expect, so as I followed him a few steps away from the group, I didn't go far.

"Just pay attention to what I'm going to tell you, and you'll do just fine." Jasper told me. "I'm going to teach you a few moves you can use to defend yourself."

Oh. That didn't sound so bad, and I could definitely use a little help in that area. I nodded again. Looking up at him, waiting for him to start. We must not have been far enough away, though.

"First lesson." He started, leading me a few more steps away. "You don't always have to bite. Always save that for a last resort." How did I know he was going to talk about that?

"But it works." I said, following him slowly.

"Yes, it works." He agreed, turning and facing me. "It's very effective, I agree, but that's where you find yourself in trouble. That is what the humans call excessive force, and that scares them. Over-doing it, as they call it."

I waited, unsure.

"You can do some serious damage with those teeth. Think of them as a weapon, and should only be used in case every other option has been taken away." He said. "For example, when you're out numbered and find yourself in the middle of a fight with other kids. You bite first, ask questions later. When your arms are pinned, you can break their hold. If you just learn to control your panic, and use your head."

"I can't help it."

"I know. I understand that. You're small, and they're much bigger than you. That scares anybody. With enough practice, you'll be able to control your panic, and that'll only benefit you." He paused, looking me over. "You're small. So chances are, your opponent will underestimate you. Emmett." He looked over. "Grab her."

"Wait." I mumbled, turning to look over, but before I could spot Emmett, he took hold of me, lifting me off my feet. Pinning my arms to my sides above my elbows.

It wasn't that scary. I only laughed, letting him hold me. He squeezed me a little, and that only made me laugh harder. I kicked my feet, twisting a little.

"Focus, please."

"Sorry." Emmett chuckled. I tried to stop laughing, and managed to bite back the next laugh.

Jasper accepted that, and stepped forward. "Okay. When you're held like this. What can you do?" I looked down. The fact that I knew Emmett wouldn't hurt me helped me concentrate better. "You're not near strong enough to break his hold, but there is something you can do. You had the right idea."

"You're pinned here." He touched my arms. "But here," He gestured to my legs. "You're still free. You've seen how well kicking backwards worked, but that can also be dangerous. If you kick wrong, or let them know your intentions, they could hurt you. Instead of aiming higher, aim for the knees. In most humans, if you hit them there, they're not going to mess around with holding onto you, or have a chance to follow you." I nodded.

"Given how fast you are, you have a lot of power in those legs of yours. Use them. Don't forget about them, or kick outwards, because that's not going to do much. When you're like this, off your feet, you're vulnerable, but not near as much as you think. Sure, your options are limited, but there are so many things you can try." He looked up. "Set her down."

Emmett did so, and I fixed my shirt a little.

"When you're here, when you're free, the one thing you want to focus on, is getting away. What I've noticed with you, is that you're torn. You're torn between getting away, and removing the threat, which is common. That's normal, but the one thing I want you to focus on right now, is getting away because you're no use to anybody injured or dead."

I hadn't even thought about it getting to that point. I gulped a little as Jasper turned me around, facing Emmett now.

"Okay. This is also common for you. Facing someone like this, they grab your arm, or your neck." He looked up, nodding and Emmett cooperated. Reaching forward, he grabbed my upper arm gently. "What can you do? Without biting?"

I looked up, not sure, so Jasper explained.

"Well, this arm is obviously not usable. But you still have everything else. You can pretty much do anything you wanted." He said. "There many options you can try. On a human, the stomach is a very vulnerable area. Aim here." He gestured to Emmett's middle stomach. "Any higher, you can kill the person. We want to avoid that for right now."

I nodded.

"The feet. Stomp as hard as you can there. Don't do it to him, because you'll hurt yourself, but on another human, that'll usually hurt them enough to release you. Again, the knees. Another thing you can try, is moving. You're still on your feet. You have mobility. They just have your arm. So. Step to the side.."

He moved me and I saw his point.

"See that? Now they're off balance. Most of the time, when they're off balance, they're focused on that, and not on the hand they're grabbing you with, so it'll be easy to break their hold now. Take your other hand, and.." He took my hand, placing it on Emmett's wrist. "Hold tight, and pull forward. Towards you. As hard as you can, but at the same time, move your arm away. They're still focused on their balance, so unpredictable movement will throw them off even more, and they'll usually let go long enough for you to move away. But you have to be quick about it."

I nodded. "Now." He moved me back in front of Emmett, taking his hand and placing it on my neck. Despite Emmett's hold being very light and gentle, I tensed hard, my nervousness spiking as I looked up at Jasper. I'd been on the receiving end of this hold more often than I could count with Jack. He obviously knew that.

I realized he was teaching me these things for Jack as well as anyone else I might come across. Even thinking about being back in this spot with Jack made that nervousness worse.

"It's alright." Jasper assured me. "Relax."

"I don't like this." I mumbled, fully intending to move away.

"This is important." Jasper stressed, and I hesitated. "Focus. Work with that fear, okay?" I took a breath, closing my eyes and nodding a little. "This is a spot you want to get out of as soon as you can. This is dangerous, as I know you know. This is not a place you want to stay. So.. What do you see?"

I paused, looking up at Emmett. Calming down a bit when he smiled at me. He had one hand holding my neck, but he wasn't touching me anywhere else.

"He's open."

"Exactly." He said. "He has you here. Leaving himself open everywhere else, but look. You can't use your teeth. What do you do?"

I swallowed nervously, unsure as I looked to Jasper again. I hated being held like this most.

"Same rules apply." He pointed. "Feet, knees, yes, even the groin area." I smirked a little. "Stomach, chest, neck, and face. On the face, nose and eyes are good targets. When someone has you here, all bets are off. You're defending your life at this point." I nodded. "So don't hesitate. Normally, to break their hold, it doesn't take much. Everywhere else is still free, so a good technique to try is.."

He took my wrist and brought my hand up.

"Hit here, first." He brought my hand firmly down onto Emmett's elbow. "With his arm extended like this, it makes it vulnerable, so hit here as hard as you can. Usually, they'll focus on that, bending their elbow which releases the tension on your neck. Now you have room to move, so use your legs. Those are still free as well." I nodded. "Knees. Knees mean they can't get up and immediately follow you. You don't want them following you, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Right. Hitting here with your hand first takes their focus from whatever you might do down here next, but you need to break that hold first before doing anything else, or he can easily hurt you. Follow me so far?" I nodded, he nodded as well and looked around.

"What about against a wall?" I asked nervously. "When I can't just back up?"

"Good question." He replied, looking to Emmett. He slowly turned me around and backed me against a rather large tree.

"Okay." Jasper moved over as well. "You're here, and he's there, but the same rules apply. As long as you're still alive, you're still moving. Being in this position is bad for your opponent as well, because you have something to brace yourself against which gives you more strength. Right now, it might seem like Emmett has the advantage, but in reality, you do. Your only goal is to move away, and your only obstacle is him. When you get free, he's still facing a wall. He has to turn around, which uses time and energy."

I hadn't thought about it like that.

"Still, the same rules apply." Jasper went on. "Elbows first. Break that hold, but he's here, blocking your escape. What do you do?" I hesitated, bringing my hand up and hitting Emmett's elbow as hard as I could with my fist. He bent it, which pulled his hand away from my neck.

Jasper nodded.

"Your focus is on getting free." He said. "Hitting wherever it'll hurt the most. When you're in this position, you want to get out of it. But again, you have to be quick about it. You can't take your time, otherwise you give him time to defend himself. Which means hurting you. Got it?" I nodded again. "My point is, Leandra, all of you can be an asset. Not just your teeth. You're very strong."

I nodded yet again.

"Alice." He called and she came over. "You're more practiced at being human, and closer to her size. I want to see this again."

Alice replaced Emmett with a supportive smile.

"Now don't hit too hard, as she's still solid as a rock to you, but show me."

I sighed and nodded.

I was obviously a quick learner. Using quick human speed and strength, she had a hard time holding onto me. I countered a lot of her grabs, getting free easier than I would have if I'd not applied what Jasper had taught me so far. I managed to jump free and dodge the last grab.

I was actually having fun learning these things. I didn't know when I'd have to use it, and honestly hoped I never would, but it made me feel better. I always made it a few jogging steps away before Jasper called me back. The goal, as he stressed, was to get away.

"Good." Jasper smiled. "Very good. You're getting this fast."

"She hits pretty hard." Alice laughed.

"Okay." Jasper continued. "Thank you, Alice, for your help." He looked down at me as she smiled, bowed and moved away.

"The next lesson I want to work with you on is practicing controlling your panic. If you allow yourself to panic, you'll forget everything I'm trying to teach you. It works the same way with anger. It clouds your mind and forces you to run on instinct. Which causes the biting, and before you know it, you've gotten yourself hurt because of an impulsive decision, when that could have been easily avoided."

I nodded, letting him know I understood.

"When we have more time, I'll work with you on that, too." He continued. "Luckily, I'm good with emotions."

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning a little.

"Fear and panic are emotions." He told me in response, and that made it clear. He wanted to make me panic to learn how to control it myself.

"I don't know-"

"I'll be right there." He said. "The more often you're able to work through it, the easier of a time you'll have when the time comes that you need to." He had a point. "Another time, though. For now, I want to work with everybody else. I think it'll be good for you to watch this as well. Obviously, there are things you won't be able to do. Regardless, watch closely."

I nodded, following him off to the side.

"You did so well." Esme smiled and I smiled a little too. I wouldn't mind learning more of that stuff. There was just something about knowing I had options to try when I was stuck like that. I wasn't totally helpless. She hugged me into her side, which I returned.

From there, I sat on a log behind where Carlisle and Esme stood watching, watching closely as Jasper and Emmett went at it. Out of the way, but still clearly able to see what was going on. A few times, it seemed like they would really hurt each other, but they always turned out to be fine.

It was only minutes into their own little sparring match that Edward and Bella arrived. Bella seemed surprised to see me there, but not as surprised as anyone else would have been. She didn't ask. I assumed Edward had filled her in.

It wasn't often that we crossed paths lately, though I knew she'd been over a lot. She'd be over when I was asleep, or in my room. Or she'd have just left when I came out. We always seemed to miss each other, but that was okay.

I stood and crossed the small clearing, and stopped beside Carlisle and Esme. Esme stepped closer, and moments later, my attention was taken by movement on the other end of the clearing. I tensed in response to what I saw coming.

My first reaction, was shock. I didn't believe my own eyes, doubting what I saw. There was absolutely no way a wolf could get that big. Much less a pack of wolves. Then came the fear. However, before it could get to be too much, Jasper eased it. I must not have had a reason to be afraid of them. These must have been the wolves Alice mentioned earlier.

Man they were huge. Easily twice the size of any horse I'd ever seen. Alice took Bella, and Esme offered her hand to me, which I took without hesitation. She eased us a little to the side, closer to the center of the group as Carlisle stepped forward. A few times, before Carlisle began to speak to them, the wolves' eyes landed on me. Particularly, the large black one ahead of the rest of them. I saw this because I was staring at it.

So what was this? Listening to Carlisle, this was apparently a training session. For everybody, except the humans, of course. I didn't know how the wolves were able to understand what they were hearing, but I didn't ask. I kept quiet. Carlisle eventually moved back, letting Jasper talk to the wolves next.

I continued to stay quiet, trying to understand without asking questions. After a moment or so, he and Emmett squared off again.

I couldn't watch the display the two of them put on. My eyes were on the wolves. It was the oddest thing to me, that they'd just stand there, watching what was going on like it was no big deal. They weren't acting like wolves would act.

"Leandra." Edward murmured, taking my attention. He gestured forward, telling me to pay attention. Telling me to ignore the huge, furry spectators.

Okay. Like that was possible.

I adjusted the sleeves of my jacket, sighing as I bit my lip. I couldn't help glancing over now and then, and a few of them seemed to be watching me with the same expression as I watched them. Like they couldn't figure out why I'd be so calm, watching like it was no big deal.

I got a little nervous the more they moved, so I drifted over to where Bella stood.

"I don't even know what's going on." I sighed, and she looked over.

"It's a long story." She replied quietly. "One I probably shouldn't tell you much of if no one else has told you." Fair enough.

"Who's Jacob?" I asked, now curious. "The guy looking for you last night. I don't like him."

She smirked. "He's not really that likable unless you know him." Across the clearing, one of the wolves huffed loudly. Just loudly enough for me to notice.

"He called me whiskey." I grumbled.

"I'll talk to him." She assured me.

Before I could reply, I was suddenly plucked off my feet and spun around. I yelped, but I immediately recognized Emmett's arms holding me. I hung on and laughed, clinging to his arms as he flipped me upside down, holding me there.

"I don't know how to get out of this one." I couldn't help laughing, closing my eyes as blood rushed to my head.

"You kick me in the face." He instructed.

"But then you'll drop me on my head." I countered as he carried me away from Bella.

"Good point." He replied. He adjusted my weight into one arm, and tickled my sides with his free hand. My laughing was now loud as I fought harder, but he held me securely. Probably so I didn't slip free and actually land on my head.

He stopped tickling, but continued to hold me like that. I was in an alright mood, so I allowed it. It was like that that I looked over, and I noticed one of the huge wolves now stood beside Bella. She wasn't scared of it at all. I looked back at the group of other wolves.

I tapped Emmett's arm, and he got the hint. Flipping me back right side up and setting me on my feet.

In a way I was tempted to go toward the wolves for a closer look, but instead, I moved the few steps away from Emmett to Esme's side. I preferred that anyway, as she hugged me. I looked up at her, and her easy smile comforted me quite a bit. She wasn't worried about those wolves either.

"Are you okay?" She asked and I nodded.

"I'm a little tired." I admitted with a sigh. I glanced back. "And those wolves are staring at us."

"Don't mind them." She replied, but I did. They didn't sit right with me, and I didn't even know why.

Before I knew it, the training session was over. I was actually disappointed that I didn't pay more attention. As the group began to disperse, I watched the wolves leave. As if they understood.

"Okay." I finally spoke out loud once they were gone. "Can somebody please tell me why those wolves were so damn big?" I pointed back in the direction that the wolves had gone. Emmett laughed from across the clearing.

"They're reinforcements." Emmett answered, and I frowned. I didn't know what that meant. "It's a good thing they're here, shorty. It's fine."

"Their noses were bigger than my whole head." I squeaked incredulously. "How is it fine? If someone told me there were mutant wolves in the forest, I'd never go in there again." Once again, Emmett laughed. Louder this time.

"She's not wrong." Rosalie smirked beside him.

I couldn't really describe the mood I was in. Considering everything I was feeling, I was in an okay mood. Better than numb. Jasper must have been trying extra hard to keep everyone calm.

"He's not doing a thing, Leandra." Edward pointed out with a small smile. He stood at the back of the jeep talking to Carlisle. Carlisle's attention was on me as well.

I thought about what Edward had just said. That was just strange to me, because this was the way I usually felt around Andrew. It wasn't often that my family got to see the lighter side of me. Of course they'd see it now and then, but it'd always felt like I had to focus on everything wrong while I was home. With Andrew, I could put that stuff away.

I realized then that the roles were probably changing. Now that Andrew knew pretty much every humiliating detail there was to know about me, I had no choice but to focus on those things while I was around him, so now my family got this side of me.

"He's not?" I frowned a little, looking toward Edward. He shook his head. I looked around, but I didn't see him anywhere.

"Which means, you're doing it on your own." Edward added. Given his smile, he was appreciating the difference.

"Doing what?" Emmett asked. I didn't want to dwell on it, though. I was afraid I'd ruin it for myself. I wanted to stay light.

"Can I have a different ride home?" I asked, changing the subject. "If Emmett carries me, I'll probably puke this time."

"To make it impressive, I'll shake you like a soda can the whole way." Emmett promised.

"Please?" I laughed, looking toward Esme. "Save me."

She laughed as well. "I'll carry you."

And it was a lot easier on me. Maybe it was the way I was upright in her arms instead of laying, or maybe I was just used to it, but it was easier on me to recover from my dizziness than it had been going there.

I was let back down on my feet as soon as we were through the door, and though I still had to sit down on the couch right away, I was okay. While I recovered, I tried not to think about the reason why they were training, but I did have a question I needed answered.

"Where am I going to be?" I asked, looking up. "When you guys are busy?"

"Here." Carlisle answered. "You'll wait for us here." I nodded, biting my lip. Almost immediately, though, that answer didn't sit right with me.

Logically, it made the most sense. There weren't many other places I could go. I couldn't stay with Andrew, because that was too close to Jack for their taste, but..

"Alone?" I needed to confirm it.

"As long as you stay inside and out of sight, you'll be alright." He replied. "No one human can get in without being let in."

"Half the house is a window." I pointed out, slightly skeptical.

"Do you really think a bunch of vampires can have a house made out of regular glass?" Emmett pointed out in return.

"True." I allowed.

"Don't worry so much, shorty." Emmett sighed, falling onto the couch beside me. "We've got this handled."

"I know." I mumbled. "I'm gonna worry anyway, though. But you already know that."

"Of course." He said, chuckling.

"I just.." I sighed. "I'm nervous, though."

"It's just the stress of the situation." Carlisle assured me. "It'll pass."

"I hope you're right." I murmured, rubbing my stomach. Trying to relieve the ache of dread I had there.

This didn't feel like stress. I'd felt stress before. This felt more like a nervous sort of dread. Like knowing you had to do something you really didn't want to do. Only ten times worse than that.

"What's gonna happen?" I needed to know that too.

"It'll be over before you know it, shorty." Emmett replied. "One morning, we'll be out, but we'll be back by lunchtime."

"Oh." I mumbled. That didn't sound so bad.

I looked back up, though, as Carlisle walked from the room, a small frown in place. I recognized how he moved, though. I turned, looking back and out the window to see Heather's car in the driveway.

I watched as she got out of the car, but she was alone. Uneasy, I looked at Emmett, and he seemed to notice as well. I heard my murmured name as Carlisle answered the door to talk to her. She seemed calm, so I knew everything was fine, but it still confused me how she'd just show up without the boys with her.

"Leandra." Carlisle called for me, which really surprised me. I thought he'd just let her in. "Come here for a moment, please."

I looked at Emmett again, but he was tense. He wasn't quite glaring at the coffee table, but it was enough of a difference that I noticed.

I hesitantly stood up, making my way toward the front door. Heather watched me approach with a small smile.

"Hi, sweetie." She said as I arrived at Carlisle's side. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and get some lunch." I narrowed my eyes a little. That was strange.

"I think it's a good idea." Carlisle suggested, but I quickly got the feeling that it wasn't much of an option. I really didn't want to fight with anyone right then, so I shrugged.

"Sure." I mumbled, looking up at Carlisle. He obviously knew what he was doing, and he clearly trusted her. I had to trust him.

We didn't linger. Within a minute, I was in her car and we were leaving the house behind.

"So.." I mumbled, unable to help it. "Um.."

"Trust me." She replied gently. "I have a reason, but beyond that, I really do think we need to talk."

I looked down. I tried to think about what she could be upset about.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked nervously.

"No, honey." She said. "No. I just think it's about time you got to ask those questions I know you still have. I thought this was a perfect opportunity to get a little bit of privacy."

Oh. That was a surprise.

In all this time, I hadn't settled on which question I wanted to ask first. There were so many.

"So.." I mumbled. "I can ask anything?"

"Anything you want." She nodded. "I'm an open book."

"Well.." I sighed. I still wasn't sure where to start. She glanced over, probably seeing the frustration growing.

"I'll just start at the beginning, and you can go from there." She offered, and I nodded.

"Jack and I were raised in California." She started. "If you can call what we were 'being raised'. We were both born to two people that hated each other. As a result of their hatred for each other, they both hated us. When we were kids, Jack was my best friend."

That honestly surprised me, so I sat in silence.

"He was the only one that understood what I lived with." She went on. "He knew that because he was a boy, our father treated him much differently than he treated me. We both knew it. It wasn't a secret, but the one thing he did the same for both of us, is he made us fear him. Our mother was useless, and literally could not care any less than she did about what we were going through."

I couldn't imagine what that had to have been like. My mom was useless, but that was only because she was asleep through most of it. If she'd been awake and ignoring it, that would have made it so much harder.

"Anyway." She murmured with a sigh. "Jack was my best friend. He even tried to protect me a few times when our father was mad at me over something I did or didn't do. One night, when he was about your age, he was beaten so badly, he had to stay at the hospital. For about a week. I remember that night very vividly, because I lived with that guilt for so long."

She paused, but I still didn't have a response.

"That night completely changed him." She said, glancing over at me. "I know in some way he blames me for what happened, but he was never the same. We were never close again after that."

"But.." I finally mumbled. "Why weren't you guys taken away like I was? Didn't the doctors figure it out?"

"Because according to our father, Jack was hurt during a camping trip." She explained. "A fall down the side of an incline in the middle of the night. When I could, while he was awake, I begged him before our father took him to tell someone what really happened. He was the one hope we ever had, and now, I feel horrible for putting that pressure on him."

"So nobody saw." I understood now.

"Nobody saw." She confirmed sadly. "Jack's upbringing, I really think, is the reason why he is the way he is. I hold our father personally responsible for turning Jack into who he is. Behind all that anger and hatred, is a whole lot of pain he's holding onto."

I looked down. That hit home, because I knew how that felt. It hurt. There was no way to describe it, but I knew she knew.

"I'm in no way making excuses for what he's done." She added. "Whatsoever. I just know that's the reason behind it, among a lot of other things. I can't go into any details, sweetie, but believe me. He has a lot to be angry about."

"What about you?" I asked quietly.

"I've had my moments." She replied. "I've never harmed my boys in any way, and most discipline has had to be Mark's job, but I've worked very hard to get to where I am today in regards to my past. It hasn't been easy, especially keeping it from Mark, but I'm here now."

"That's not what I meant." I mumbled, and the way she hesitated told me she knew that. She knew what I meant. "Have you seen it? The dark?"

"I live with it every day, baby." She finally murmured.

"How?"

"Your life is what you make of it." She replied. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you have a choice. You can let your past define you. You can hold onto that pain, or you can accept it and let it go, but the longer you hold onto that pain, baby, the more time it has to hurt you. Abuse doesn't end when the situation changes. It ends when you decide that the memories can't hurt you anymore."

We were both quiet now as she pulled into the parking lot of a small diner in town. Parking right in front, turning off the car. We stayed put, though. I wasn't in any rush to get out, and she didn't seem to be either.

I just listened to the sound of the light drizzling rain hitting the top of the car.

"I think it helped that I had a goal." She murmured after several silent minutes. "From the time I was little, I wanted to help people when I grew up. I experienced the very worst life has to offer. If I could help just one person out of whatever problems they're having, then I'm happy. Jack never found that. He lost that fight. The very same fight I fight, and the same one you're fighting now. He lost it, and he feels every single second of it. It's consumed him."

I still didn't understand how she could just do that. If Jack treated me the way he treated me because of the way their dad treated him, then that had to mean that Heather had gone through a lot of the same things I did.

"I suppose that could be part of the reason why I haven't tried harder to get away from him." She added quietly. "I hate my brother so much for so many reasons, but at the same time, I can still see that boy in him that used to be my best friend, untouched by the monster we both know exists in him today. It's that part of him that I can still reach."

I looked down. I heard the quiet sadness in her voice. Like she'd been mourning the loss of someone she cared about for quite awhile. I'd wondered about it before. I'd wondered what it would have been like if I'd had to protect a sibling. I couldn't imagine it.

"Regardless of my personal feelings, though, he does not deserve to be free after what he did." She turned a little toward me. "Honey, I can imagine the hell you've been in for so long, but I'm here now to keep you going. I refuse to let Jack spread the dark. I refuse to sit back and let it consume you too."

"I think it's already starting to." I whispered, my voice trembling a little as I looked over at her. "I feel it all the time, and it never stops hurting me." I wasn't crying. Just fearful. I was so scared of the inside of my own head sometimes, and she was touching on that.

As scared as I was, she was even calmer. She smiled at me.

"I've been where you are right now." She said. "I know. Believe me, I know. It seems like you'll never be okay, but baby, you're not a lost cause."

There was so much sadness in their story, but that did nothing to erase the memories of what I went through at Jack's hands. It was a very conflicting feeling, but at least now I knew the answer to one of the questions I'd had for so long.

Why? Why did Jack do the things he did?

But at the same time, it raised more questions. Why had he chosen me? If he was hurting so much, why would he want to pass that on? Then I thought about it.

It worried me to realize that I'd been doing the same thing. I'd been hurting other people because of the way I felt. The way she described him was the same way everyone else had described me. Hiding my unbearable pain behind anger and hatred.

I thought about those times, when it was hard to breathe through it. The times when I just wanted to hurt somebody because I was so mad at some stupid thing they'd done. The way I convinced myself they deserved it.

Was the darkness in me the same as the darkness in Jack?

These were very hard questions to ask myself. I didn't want to know what I was doomed to become.

"There is one more thing I want to make sure you understand." Heather told me quietly. "If you ever need to talk about anything, and feel like nobody will understand, I can assure you that I will understand, and I'm more than willing to listen."

I appreciated that, and it was definitely worth considering.

"Seriously." She stressed. "Any time. It could be three in the morning. Just call, and say let's have lunch. I'll get to you as soon as I can." I smiled a little, nodding. She did have a job, though, so I'd have to consider that, but I liked that I had the option.

"Thank you." I said, and she smiled this time. "For telling me." Despite how I didn't really like knowing. Like I noticed before, it was just nice being filled in a little more. Even if it was more to worry about.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked as we made our way out of the car.

"Sure." She replied.

"What made you come over all of a sudden?" I asked and she hesitated. "I know it wasn't just random, and I'm glad you did, but I just wanna know why."

She finally sighed.

"Jack was on his way over." She explained. Instinctively, my stomach dropped, but I calmed myself with the knowledge that I wasn't there. "Him and his lawyer. I thought you could do without seeing him, so I headed there first."

So nobody could just kill him.

"Thank you." I mumbled sincerely.

"You're welcome." She replied. "I'm just glad I had a little forewarning." Just the thought of him in my house, though, made me squirm.

"Can he just do that?" I asked quietly. "Just.. Show up?"

"He's hiding behind his lawyer." She explained. "When there's some part of the case that needs to be discussed with your parents, he can do it any way he sees fit."

I could only imagine how badly Emmett was itching to end him, especially with him just right there. It was one thing for Carlisle to know him, but now everyone else would. They would be seeing him in person, and they'd all see the face I saw in my constant nightmares.

Jack had several targets on him now, and he didn't even know it.

"Thank you." I said again, and I shuddered.

She hugged me into her side as we made our way into the diner.

We ate in almost complete silence. Even though I wasn't that hungry, she seemed to understand. Halfway through, her cell phone vibrated on the table. She picked it up, and looked at it, nodding to herself.

"It's safe to take you back now." She explained as she typed a responding text message. I deeply appreciated her efforts. I must have doubted her before, but now I saw what she was willing to do to keep me away from him. She had my back.

I was suddenly glad I decided to trust Carlisle. He obviously knew what he was doing, insisting I go with her, and I'd made the right choice to just go with it. With no explanation or reason, I trusted him and let Heather take me away. Given her rush, probably minutes before Jack got there.

I was starting to see how it would work, people working together to keep me safe, and I really liked what I saw. It comforted me. I also knew that Heather had just gained several thousand points in my family's eyes.

Because of Heather, I was safe here instead of having a nervous breakdown at home.

"Will he know it was you that picked me up?" I wondered, nibbling on a french fry.

"I'm not sure." She answered honestly. "But I don't really care if he does. Honey, I'm not afraid of him. He knows me. I laid it all out there the first night he got back. I flat out told him that I wouldn't let him torment you."

I nodded a little, but I was nervous for her. Didn't she know how dangerous he was?

I jumped a little as her phone vibrated again on the table. It kept going, though, indicating a call.

"Oh." She said easily, picking it up. "Speak of the devil." She simply silenced it and set it aside. I suddenly saw the flaw. She saw my nervousness, and smiled a little. "Don't worry, baby. He doesn't know where I am."

"He knew where I was in Port Angeles last year." I pointed out quietly, although I had to think about it. It had to be only coincidence, since his lawyer had been there way before we'd been there.

"No matter what, you'll be fine."

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine." She repeated. Despite the way it started to vibrate again. We both looked down it this time.

She sighed, annoyed. Answering it.

"Jack, I told you." She spoke first. "You're not going to get your way this time."

Of course I didn't hear his response, but I carefully watched her face. I read there what he was telling her. It wasn't anything good.

"I swear to God.." She started, but didn't get to finish that. Several seconds later, she spoke again. "Do you really want to test me, Jack?" I had no idea she could make her voice sound like that. She paused again.

"If both of my boys are not at home when I get back, Jack, you'll be praying for prison. I am not playing this game with you. I don't care what Mark told you. Get those boys back home now." I winced at her tone. "You don't ever threaten me like that."

I sat silently, watching as she didn't even wait for his reply. She hung up, sighing heavily as she shook her head. I saw it there, though. Before she could hide it. She was a little worried, but also pretty mad.

"Does he have them?" I whimpered sheepishly.

"I know he'd never hurt them." She sighed again, attempting to calm her tone. "I also know he's not too happy with me at the moment. He's trying to scare me. He does that sometimes when he wants his way, but he also knows that I don't bend the way other people do."

There was no possible way I could admire her any more. She was so strong, and absolutely everything I wanted so badly to be. She wasn't afraid of Jack at all. She just went with it, and reacted when she needed to. She saw me looking at her, and she offered a small smile.

"Sometimes he just needs a reminder of who exactly he's dealing with."

Though she wasn't exactly in a rush, I felt the tension in the things she didn't say all the way back to the house. She didn't come in, which was understandable, but she made sure I made it safely inside before she left.

Before I could even fully turn away from the window, Esme was hugging me. I whimpered, returning it. I didn't know what caused this, but I was grateful for it.

"That fucker better be glad he had someone with him." I winced at Emmett's call from the living room. "He bought himself one more day to live."

"Was it that bad?" I asked quietly, pulling back enough to look up at Esme.

"Nothing we can't handle, sweetie." She sighed, hugging me again. Tighter this time. "But I am glad you're home."

I could only imagine what she meant by that. Something Jack said had obviously upset her as well as Emmett. Did that mean she doubted my safety with Heather?

"I'm fine." I told her, just enjoying the safety of her hug. "I learned a lot today." She sighed, smoothing my hair.

Although I was still worried about the similarities between Jack and me, I knew hugs like this would probably make sure I never turned into him. Hugs like this would keep me together. I really needed to focus more on that than how life was before. I really was lucky.

I'd never really stopped to think about it, but it really did seem like my family had caught me just in time. That gave me some hope, which was still a new feeling for me. Hope.

A/N: Weee. This took forever. Okay, now it's time for the:

IMPORTANT NOTE: I have to stress this. Please. If you're looking for self defense lessons, don't rely on what I have written here. Every situation is different, and often times, circumstances are much different. I would highly recommend taking a class. This isn't the place to learn it. I decided to put this at the bottom of the chapter, so I didn't spoil anything.

Okay. Important note over.
THANK YOU! To my reviewers! As always, you're all SO AMAZING!
Ten might take a few days, because I haven't decided where to start it yet. So many changes have come to this story, but I'll figure it out. I won't promise anything until I know what real life is throwing at me next week.
Until Ten! Adios.