Chapter 4. The line
I was in my room when the phone rang, so Charlie had to pick it up. Dad's voice sounded strained, so I realized who was calling immediately.
It was Dave, of course.
'Bella!' Dad cried, waiting for me to go downstairs. I found Charlie staying in the corridor, holding the handset as far as possible just as if it was dangerous. He preferred to leave David in awkward silence. I shook my head.
'It's for you.'
'Thanks. It's Dave?' I asked. I knew the answer, but I needed the pause to get ready for the conversation.
Charlie nodded.
'Yes, it's your husband. Former, I hope…' he murmured, returning to the living room.
Dad's relationship with David was… complicated. It's not because Dave was a bad person, not at all. To be honest, he didn't deserve the attitude like that. The problem was that neither Renee nor Charlie accepted our marriage. I couldn't convince them of my love for Dave. Moreover, my parents considered a fast marriage as the mistake I would regret. The story resembled their past, or, properly speaking, its worst part. Break up and divorce. Our marriage was considered as a bad idea since the very beginning, so parents didn't get along with Dave.
'Hi', said I when Charlie was out of sight.
'Hello', answered David. His voice was tired and muffled. He made a deep breath, choosing the right words. 'Are you… Are you all right?'
The situation was clumsy. We both had no idea what to say, but we needed to start our talk. It's time to pretend normal, speak about something usual and to come closer to the main topic of conversation.
'I'm fine. Did Charlie torture you?'
'Oh, not at all', Dave laughed, but this laugh wasn't funny at all. 'He gave me carte blanche, so I've got some time to prepare before I could hear your voice.'
I blushed. The conversation was moving in the wrong direction, much worse that I have expected. My hands grew cold.
'What's about the documents? They're ready, right?'
My voice sounded confidently, almost rough. I was surprised by that. It was weird to speak about the divorce, even when it was about to finish. I was nervous, that's why I have said it like that. I needed help, but there was no one to help me.
'Yeah', Dave said, confused with my sharp words a bit. Luckily, he has learned to forgive my mistakes. 'Everything's ready. I took the papers. You can arrive and sign them. When can you come?'
'I can visit you tomorrow', I declared after a short pause. 'Is it fine?'
'Sure. I'll be waiting for you.'
Sunday was a perfect variant. I spent weekdays working at Newton's. In theory I could get a day off, but that idea wasn't good. I had no desire to change the routine fixed many years ago. It was uncomfortable for me even to think of changing.
I liked to live the life in accordance with my own rules. Maybe.
The distance between Forks and Seattle is about 140 miles. The trip takes three and half hours. Four, if the weather is bad or you're stuck in traffic. I was planning to leave Forks at 9 A.M. and arrive at Seattle four hours later. The signing shouldn't be very long, and I could return home in the late evening.
I was going to spend the whole day in my truck, but it was fine. It can be boring for someone, but not for me. I always have something to think about.
'Be careful, Bells', said dad, accompanying me to my car. 'Be attentive on the road, okay?'
The morning was cold, but the weather promised to change. I pulled cautiously into the roadway. The adventure began.
I haven't visited Seattle for a while. I drive to Port-Angeles or Olympia time after time, visiting malls. It's enough for me. Dave came from Seattle, so I associated this city with him. I'm trying to avoid it now. It's hard to admit that I'm ashamed of my failed marriage. I have enough problems with Renee. In contrast to Charlie she was really offended when I had got married against her will. She finally got a maternal instinct, but it was too late for that. I didn't listen any of mom's persuasions, getting my own way, repeating her own mistake. We have drifted apart since that day. Charlie was my only best friend now. He wasn't like Renee and could forgive me for anything. And mom… she has learned to hold a grudge.
Renee was also offended by my choice of vacation few years ago. After working at the Newton's for a few years I saved up for a little journey. The money was rubbish, but I could afford a little adventure. My parents reacted to the news with a huge enthusiasm. Mom decided I was going to fly to Jacksonville and spend my vacation there. Dad didn't mind too. He must have been hoping it would cheer me up a bit.
My decision surprised them all. I announced that I wouldn't go to Jacksonville and see Renee only on Christmas. Instead of this I was planning to travel by car, visiting different towns in the northern part of the country. I didn't plan to stay anywhere for too long. Just to spend a day in one town – and drive to another.
Renee was furious.
'You can't do this!' She protested, phoning me again and again. I had a headache because of her constant ring bells. Renee was unprepared to give up.
'It's so silly, dear! Why you should spend your free time in the places so small? It's even hard to call them towns!'
'I want to explore the country', I was saying. I was a bad liar, but I've tried my very best. 'Every region has its beauty. National parks, forests…'
'And wetness too. And you gonna stay here, in that cold! You could spend your vacations with me, enjoying the real sun!'
I didn't want to explain the real reason for this choice. No one would believe me.
I was going to search for the Cullens, try to find something concerning them. I know, it sounds stupid now but then… it was my last chance. My memories of Edward, Alice and their family members started to fade. It concerned me. I didn't want to forget them and kept fighting. There was nothing left to me reminding about the Cullens. What if they weren't real? It couldn't be a massive hallucination. Once I thought I could try to find them. Only try. Perhaps, I wanted to prove myself something. The idea seemed crazy at first, but it revived me in the end. It became my aim, and I wanted to fulfill the plan whatever silly it was.
I planned everything. The Cullens must settle in the territory with cloudy climate. Chosen towns need to be small, quiet, whose citizens are simple and less suspicious. There should be the forest quite near, supplying the Cullens with a fresh portion of animal blood. And the town must have a hospital where Carlisle could work. In spite of some changes, this part of the legend remained constant.
Moreover, The Cullens couldn't live too close to Forks. Meetings with people from the past weren't in their rules. Plus, Edward promised to leave me forever. He fulfilled it. I won't be surprised if he's on the other side of the galaxy now.
I examined the climatic map of the country and marked a dozen of towns suitable for my requirements. I drove to the place, registered in a local motel and went to the hospital. It was impossible to ask questions about Carlisle openly. Somewhere inside I still worried about the Cullens. What if my questions will get them into trouble? It was necessary to be careful. When I didn't found anything, I came back to the motel, had a rest and then drove to another marked place, beginning the journey again.
My vacation was spent in vain. I found nothing in those little towns. I might have done something wrong. In the end, I was only a fragile human. Tired and exhausted, I was driving home. It was too hard to go to Forks without making a stop, so I made the last one at Seattle.
That day I met Dave. We married six months later. Today the time had come for coming back and finishing our story.
As I expected, the weather got better soon. It was too stuffy in the truck, so I turned the heater off. Seattle met me with a nice warm wind. The sky was covered with clouds, but I wasn't sure it was going to rain. Not now, at least.
I stooped in front of the house on the edge of the city. David's forefathers were woodworkers, so the building wasn't just a family home. It was made by them. David's relatives put their souls in the house, imprinting themselves in an eternity.
Standing on the porch, I made a deep breath and rang a doorbell. The door opened immediately, and I saw David. He looked just if he was standing on the threshold, preparing for the reception.
'Hello, come in', he said, letting me in the house.
I appeared in the corridor and looked around. Nothing has changed since the day when I was here for the last time. The long narrow corridor with no umbrella stands or shelves. When Dave found out about my clumsiness, he removed them immediately. Numerous photos on the walls, mostly old ones. Our wedding photo was absent. I have never been photogenic, so I asked Dave to remove it. He agreed.
'How was your trip? The weather is very changeable.'
We were following to the dinning room. All furniture was handmade, of course.
'It was rather cold in the morning, but the weather is better now.'
We stopped. I glanced at a table and noticed the documents.
Then Dave realized that I was still wearing by coat.
'Sorry. Let me help you…'
He was fussing. I was relieved noticing that. We both felt ill at ease. Dave disappeared in the corridor hanging up my coat. I put one chair up and took a seat. After making a deep breath, I moved the papers up.
Dave came back. He hesitated a little, unaware where to sit. Finally he stepped closer to me, trying to help.
David smelled of wood and cinnamon. He liked tea with cinnamon. I had remembered that although it was going to be my past.
'It's simple. You need to sign here… and here…' he showed.
Then Dave sat leftward, but not too close, leaving some privacy for me. After examining the text, I looked at David.
There was nothing special about him. Dark blond hair, features lacked brightness. Brown eyes, attentive and careful. Dave was wearing a shirt he had brought before our marriage. He was nice and simple, and I liked it when we first met. In contrast to others, Dave has never shown off. He didn't dazzle people. Dave's humble look reminded me Charlie a bit.
My heart sank. It's sad that I can't see his beauty. I sighed, looked away and came back to the papers. A moment – and a signature were ready.
I glared at Dave again. He pretended examining the table top. Looking hard, I noticed that he hasn't removed the wedding ring yet. He was fiddling with it, abstracted.
We exchanged glances at last. I could read such a great sorrow in them, that I shivered and lowered my shoulders. Dave's emotions crushed me. It seemed like I got a hit, invisible, but very strong.
But there was no anger inside of his eyes, only pain. It was my fault. I blushed. David had real feelings for me. He has never considered our marriage as childishness like Charlie and Renee thought. Came from a simple family, Dave wanted to have a simple life I couldn't give to him. Only now he might have seen how much I lied. We were looking at the same picture, but saw different things.
I broke David's heart. He deserved someone better than me.
I pushed part of my papers into my bag and hurried to the door. Dave's look still troubled me, making feel uncomfortable. My hands started to shake. A late reaction to stress. It was difficult to see me crying. Not now, when I was grown up.
David was watching me while I was putting the coat on. He kept the distance from me. My presence must have been uncomfortable for Dave now. Luckily, it was easy to solve this problem.
'I wish you good luck', I pronounced instead of saying good bye.
David continued staring at me, trying to find something inside of my eyes. In the end, he gave up and nodded. It was over.
I returned to the car, relieved. It would be great to leave the city as fast as possible. I pulled into the main road and put on speed, thinking of Dave and our awkward parting. I felt sorry for all what had happened. I should have been gentle, try to tone down the situation, but it got only worse now.
A clean break, I remembered.
The papers reminded me something else. Another document I had hidden inside of my old books. My search of the Cullen family was unsuccessful, but I managed to find something in the end. I remembered Edward's stories about his human past and made an enquiry to Chicago archive about Edward Masen. To be frank, I was unaware to get anything, but I was lucky.
1918 was a difficult year. People were dying everyday at that time. Hospital stuff had no time to fill in death certificates, but the doctors kept leaving notes in hospital journals. According to the document I got, 82 people died in Chicago on September 9, 1918. Edward Antony Masen, aged 17, was among them. The Spanish flu was mentioned as a cause of death. Information was written in a neat handwriting. I could bet it had been made by Carlisle himself. That document was the only proof that Edward was real.
I could see the irony of fate. It doesn't matter what life you live. All information about you will turn into short facts rotting in archives. There isn't too much space for us in this world. We are only few words in a big book of life.
I was curious, what's gonna be written about me?
I kept driving, watching the road absent-mindedly. It was getting dark. Driving closer to Forks, I started to freeze. The air smelled of frost. I had to turn the heater up trying to warm my hands.
Then something strange happened. It looked like it has been raining previously on this part of the road. The water turned into the ice that covered the asphalt. One of the oncoming vehicles started to skid. The driver lost control of the car, and it appeared at my part of the road.
Headlights blinded me. I didn't expect that. I always described myself as trouble-maker, but I was wrong. I was careful, just like Charlie had asked.
It was unfair! I must have pulled the wheel, trying to avoid the collision. Was I scared? I don't remember. The last thing I remembered was the driver of that car, his frightened eyes and a strident screech.
I felt a sudden relief. The story was repeating again. Fate finally caught me. Edward saved my life, preventing the car accident, and now I was going to die in another one.
I saw the line that was ending my life.
My memories were finishing on that. It looked as if I have been watching the movie, but the tape finished, and I was sitting alone, examining empty screen. It was only a mist in front of my eyes. I didn't know what had happened to me. I couldn't hear nor my breathing or my heartbeat. Did I die? It was possible.
Every thought was heavy. How did death look like? I strained all my feelings, trying to understand that. I was curious to know the answer.
I lost in thought for a while. Then I decided: death was cold. I could feel only cold, nothing more. Death was also silent. The stories about the bright tunnel turned out to be just fairytales. There was no light. The cold was the only idea I could think about.
Then something changed. I've finally heard some noise, but it was too muffled to recognize it. Everything was still hidden under a haze, but the cold didn't scare me anymore. It seemed like it almost vanished, remaining in someone's touch. Yeah, somebody must have been holding my hand, paying my attention. I listened again. Now I could hear my breathing, and the voice, pleasant and familiar to me. But who was that?
The head was heavy as lead. I was drowning but trying to come to the surface.
I have definitely heard someone's voice. Somebody was calling my name, but the sound was heard as if through the inch of water. I had to use my memory again. What could that sound mean? Flowers? Ringing? No, not like that. I thought that the voice sounded deep, melodious and comforting. Just like old actors' speech. Like a tinkling of bells, like something magical I had already forgotten.
Everything fell into place when Carlisle, still invisible to me, squeezed my hand again, burning it by his cold.
'It's all right, Bella', the words sounded like music. 'Don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.'
