Chapter 7 Reactions

Five minutes were long. I was standing in front of the glass, far from Bella, but could examine her face in detail. She was sleeping, while I was trying to see her dreams.

Bella has changed. The young blushing girl was gone, giving way to a stranger I didn't know. Her face changed its features. First wrinkles appeared on Bella's forehead and under her eyes, forming thin short lines. They weren't visible for humans yet, but I could bet I haven't seen them before. Bella grew up. She lost some roundness, typical for teenagers; her features became sharper. She looked tired, but I hoped it was the result of recent stress.

On the other hand, Bella looked the same. Her skin was as fragile and pale as it has always been. And her smell – it still haunted me, teasing me, touching my throat. But my internal monster didn't have chances to win. Bella's scent didn't bother me anymore. She was here, and she was alive – what else could I ask? Last seven years turned into nothing. How could I think I made everything right by staying away from her?

Five minutes were short. I was disappointed to hear the nurse's thoughts. Time to leave. I wished I could stop time, or repeat these five minutes again; I didn't want to go.

I vanished before the nurse stepped into the corridor. When she went in, it was empty, and only fingerprints on the glass proved that I had been there.

I noticed a familiar voice near the hall. Not exactly the voice. Plenty of mental images and emotions, silent, very difficult to catch.

Charlie Swan, lost and scared, reached the reception desk.

'I've got a call that my daughter is here. Her name is Isabella Swan, aged 25…'

I saw his reflection in the nurse's thoughts. He was breathing heavily, just like after running. Charlie's eyes were full of fear.

'Yes, she's here. But you need to speak with the doctor first…'

I was already in the hall, but Mr. Swan hasn't noticed me yet. He's got much older since the last time I saw him. Silver grey touched his hair.

I checked Carlisle's thoughts. He was talking to someone in the corridor, not far from us, but he hasn't examined Charlie's presence yet. I had to make the first step.

I made a deep breath.

'Hello, Mr. Swan', I said officially. 'It's nice to see you again.'

My voice sounded calm. I was surprised by that. Luckily, vampire instincts hid my anxiety.

Chief Swan frowned. Confused, he looked at me, his eyes wide open.

Charlie's process of thinking worked in a different way. I didn't hear any word inside of his head. Instead of this I saw images that pictured his condition.

Shock. Trouble. Incomprehension.

'Edward Cullen?' Charlie asked without hiding his surprise. 'Is that you?'

I came closer and nodded.

'Yes, Charlie.'

His reaction was mixed. Charlie was trying to concentrate and pull himself together, but nothing worked.

'What… what are you doing here? What's going on? I don't understand…'

It looked strange to him. Charlie examined me once, twice, combining the puzzle. It didn't help. Charlie's heart started beating fast, faster than normal. I could see him turning red. Charlie was getting closer to heart attack.

Charlie needed to see the doctor. Luckily, he was going to meet him very soon. A moment – and Carlisle stood beside me.

'Good evening, Charlie. Or, better say, good morning. Time flies.'

Charlie froze. Dad's unexpected fast appearance worsened his condition.

'Carlisle?' he said in a weak tone, giving up.

Dad held out his hand. Still shocked, Charlie shook it. He was so confused that haven't noticed how cold it was.

'Yes. Edward is here because of me', Dad decided to say as much as he could. It usually distracted humans, even as suspicious as Charlie. 'Sorry, I haven't met you here when you arrived. You must have questions about Bella's condition'.

'Are you her doctor?' Charlie asked, suddenly relieved. The shock was leaving his face, his heartbeat returning to normal. I should have predicted something like that. Charlie always liked Carlisle. The Chief was, definitely, glad to see him.

'Not exactly', answered Dad evasively. 'But I'm going to stay here for a while, at least, until Bell starts feeling better.'

'How is she? They told me she's got into accident,' said Charlie. I checked his condition again. He was okay now. Carlisle knew how to calm people down.

'Yes, that's right. The situation is quite serious…'

Charlie was listening attentively, but he didn't look very surprised while getting the information about Bella's injuries. He automatically started to recall all previous wounds that Bella had got in the past. A bright picture filled my head. And another. And another one…

I clenched my teeth. I was responsible for all of them. Carlisle glanced at me, alarmed, but didn't say anything.

'Can I see her?' asked Charlie when Dad finished.

'You may want to call somebody before I'll lead you to Bella's room', Carlisle advised. He was attentive and charming, and it worked on him. I needed to remember that. I really forgot how to deal with humans.

'Right... I forgot about that,' Charlie said. 'I promised to call Renee. And I should phone Dave,' he added, frowning. 'Perhaps, he doesn't know anything yet.'

Dave? I saw a male's image inside of Charlie's head. The Chief imagined an ordinary man, even for a human. I haven't seen him before. Who is that? Charlie's impressions colored the picture with few emotions. Distrust. Disapproval. Irritation… and easy shame that he hasn't phoned that guy earlier.

'Who is that?' I asked automatically. Carlisle became a silent witness of our conversation.

'It's Bella's husband. He lives in Seattle', Charlie explained. The shock made him give up too quickly. He calmed down, behaving like an old friend. 'Bella was coming home after visiting him today'.

A husband?

'Can you wait for me? It won't take many time,' Charlie asked, staring at Carlisle, holding the phone in his hand, ready to make a call.

'Sure, Charlie. Don't worry about it.'

I froze. A husband? I was repeating that word again and again, trying to understand it. Is it a weird joke? There came my turn to be shocked. I was so distracted that haven't noticed the fact that Charlie was asking questions to Carlisle as if he was the only grown up in the room. A husband?!

Are you all right? asked Dad in mind. I saw my reflection inside of his head. I looked horrible, just like after seeing a ghost.

'I don't know', I muttered, making a deep breath. A male figure stuck in my head, making me feel strange.

Alice was right. My future was going to be very, very complicated. I forgot how to breathe.

Pretend to be normal. You'll have time to find out details later, Carlisle warned me. You need to be friendly with Charlie now. Without him you won't be able to see Bella.

Forced to obey, I nodded. I didn't know what to do, and only Dad could help me to deal with the problem.


I saw a wonderful dream. If it was a dream, of course. I wasn't quite sure. My dream consisted of nothingness. Emptiness. Silence. In the past, when Edward left me, I was afraid of these feelings. But I was too tired and enjoyed the state of emptiness now. I didn't have to pretend, didn't have to be normal, didn't have to spend day after day, counting time. Nothing bothered me anymore.

It felt like time has never existed. I was relaxed, happy, surrounded by dense white clouds. The light was perfect, soothing, comforting. I didn't have to think about anything. I didn't know what it was - the end or just new beginning - but it was perfect. The perfect world where all feelings lost their cost.

Soon time woke up, rushing me. I felt uncomfortable, and pain was growing out of somewhere far away. That was disappointing. It seemed like my perfect dream was coming to its end.

I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling. It didn't have that perfect white color that I had just seen. It was yellow, like sand on a beach. Imperfect. Welcome to the real world.

I tried to look around, but my neck was fixed, and I couldn't move it. I turned my eyes to the room and saw him. The most important man in my life, the person who will always love me, whatever happens.

It was my Dad, Charlie Swan, the Chief of Police, sleeping in the chair beside my bed.

'Dad?' I asked in a hoarse voice. Charlie startled and opened his eyes.

'Bella?' he asked, relieved. 'You woke up!' He moved his chair closer to my side.

'How are you feeling? How's your vision?' Dad asked in unaware tone, suddenly alarmed. 'The doctors said you've got a concussion. And I need to ask questions… just to check out… I'm not very good at this', he grimaced.

I tried to smile.

'I can see you', I answered quietly. 'You look tired'.

I noticed dark circles under Dad's eyes. His shirt was disheveled, his face full of new wrinkles. Charlie grew old in a day.

Dad rolled his eyes.

'I'm fine, Bella. It's you who needs attention now.'

Déjà vu again. It seemed like past seven years have never existed. I was a teenager again, I was wounded, and my parent was sitting on my bed, waiting for me to wake up. But it wasn't Renee this time, it was Charlie. They replaced each other.

'Where's Mom?' I asked, recalling her face in my memory. 'Did you call her?'

'I did', Charlie agreed. 'She started panicking, of course. Mom was planning to be here by the time of your awakening, but her flight was cancelled. Sorry for that.'

'It's okay', I really wasn't upset. My relationships with Mom weren't so strong now. 'I was unconscious. She had nothing to do here'.

'I said the same', answered Charlie. 'But you know Renee. She's always been too… sensitive'.

His grimace made me laugh. It was a bad idea. I felt a sharp pain right in my chest.

I examined myself carefully. My leg was broken again. My body was strangely fixed, hidden under a white blanket. And the pain in my head was returning... Probably, I shouldn't move at all, or I'll feel pain everywhere.

'And I phoned Dave too', Charlie continued. 'He seems to worry about you. Planned to stay in the hospital, but then I said I was going to stay here too... David had to change his plans'.

'He's afraid of you'.

'Well, we've never been friends', Dad said honestly. 'And he's responsible for all what has happened to you.'

I sighed.

'It's not his fault', I mumbled. I was grateful that Charlie was protecting me, but Dave deserved a better attitude. Especially, if I start to remember how much I had hurt him.

Pain was increasing. The drug action finished.

'Never mind', Charlie seemed tired of speaking about Dave. 'The most important thing now is your recovery. Carlisle says the process's gonna be very long.'

My body reached faster than mind. I stopped breathing. My fingers turned cold. I shivered and felt pain again.

'Carlisle?' I asked. It wasn't real, was it? Charlie must have mentioned the other name, or I heard something wrong.

'Yes,' Charlie was calm, just like he was talking about his old friend. It was strange. 'He volunteered being your doctor, and I'm very grateful for that. He's a great specialist. I trust him.'

I didn't know how to react on that. My lungs were empty. Blood was pulsing inside my head. It was difficult to think.

'Carlisle is here?' I echoed. It sounded stupid. But I was stupid. I was dumb. These emotions were too complicated. I forgot how to deal with them.

'Yes, they all are here, actually. Edward is eager to see you too. He asked my permission to visit you,' added Dad, flattered by such a polite attitude.

Pain won. It paralyzed me, touching every part of my body. Old blurred memory suddenly came to my mind. It was clear, clearer than it's even been. Pain colored it in crimson tone.

Come for a walk with me.

Yeah, time didn't change anything. I was eighteen again; that horrible moment repeated in my mind. Nothing has changed. I was grown up, but continued to be as miserable as I always was.

Bella, I don't want you to come with me.

I felt a smell of green forest, a smell of wet, of rain and the touch of cold night air. New Moon.

Of course, I'll always love you… in a way.

The voice sounded deep, colorful, repeating over and over again in my head, driving me crazy. I wanted to scream.

You're not good for me, Bella.

I was suffocating. What should I do? I was shaking. I needed to stop this! I didn't want to hear that voice anymore.

I won't come back.

I can't breathe! Where is air?! I glanced at Charlie. He looked scared.

It will be as if I'd never existed.

I was going to cry, but I was so shocked that forgot how to do this. I kept staring at Charlie, hoping that he would help me. It was a panic attack, very strong one, and it paralyzed me.

'Bella? Bella?!' I realized Dad was repeating my name again and again, but I have heard him only now. 'I'm calling the nurse!'

I was in the middle of nightmare, and I didn't know how to end it.