Chapter 15. Changing

Few next days passed quickly. The staff has been preparing me for transportation to Forks. I needed to do as many tests as possible; my doctors and nurses became my constant visitors. Nervousness filled my whole body.

'You shouldn't worry, Bella', said Carlisle in a mild tone, listening to my heart. 'How are you feeling?' his expression changed in a second, reflecting my fear. 'It's not too late to cancel everything.'

I shook my head.

'I'm fine. Just a bit nervous, that's all'.

The doctor smiled. Carlisle's eyes were dark, almost black. The circles under his eyes were purple. He has been too busy for the last days and didn't have time for hunting. Carlisle was thirsty because of concern for me. That thought made me feel even worse.

'The road won't take too much time,' Carlisle continued. 'You'll be at home very soon. Just think about it. And breath, Bella', he added. 'Everything's going to be okay. There's nothing to worry about'.

After a long conversation I persuaded Mom to go home. Phil has been waiting for her in Jacksonville. She didn't have to stay with me. I had Alice. And Carlisle. And Dad. Everything would be okay.

'Are you sure about that?' asked Mom again. She looked relieved. We both knew the truth, but we needed to be polite. Just like a normal family.

We were alone in the room. Charlie left us in the beginning of our conversation. He went downstairs, to the cafeteria, leaving some privacy for us.

'Yes. I'll be fine. Don't miss the heat because of me.'

Renee laughed.

'I always forget how mature you are', she said, touching my cheek. Her touch was hot. 'My wise child. It's always hard to be a mother for you. You're much stronger than me.'

I looked at Mom. After all these years Renee has changed too. She looked older, but her eyes were still smiling. She was a child, not me…

Her naive, open stare wrung my heart. We would never become normal again. We're doomed to divide out lives into different parts. Jacksonville. Forks. Some part of me was going to fly away with Mom, but I would never belong to that place anymore.

'I love you, Mom', said I, trying to save that moment in my memory. I didn't know why, but I felt that I needed to do this.

'Oh, I love you too, honey', Mom's voice broke. She hugged me.

'Take care of yourself. Or let Phil take care of you,' I whispered. It's always like that. Only a quiet whisper. When your feelings are too strong, your voice betrays you first.

'I will', said Mom with a smile. She rubbed sudden tears away. Her face turned red. 'And you need to look after Charlie. Phone me when you get home, okay? I'll worry.'

Mom returned to Jacksonville a day before our departure. The conversation with Dave gave its results too. He stopped visiting or phoning. Dave needed to start changing. There came a time for changing for all of us. No exception.

We all could be free now.

Everything was ready. The room was empty without my books and clothes. It made feel anxious again. The walls looked clear, much brighter than they have ever been. I had nothing to do. Just like Charlie, who was sitting on the edge of my bed, examining the room's floor. Carlisle has already gone. He helped me to sit in a wheelchair a few minutes before Charlie's arrival. It was the easiest way to help everyone. I couldn't imagine the moment when Dad would start helping me sit in the chair. It's too awkward. Carlisle was a better variant for that.

Dad seemed to know it too. He didn't say anything, but I've noticed his relief.

'It's cold today,' said Charlie, driving my chair to the door, when the nurse let us go.

'Alice gave me a warm coat'.

I couldn't see Charlie's face, but imagined him smiling.

'That's great. I would never think about that,' he said honestly.

I smiled. Alice couldn't be wrong. She predicted changes in the weather three days before our departure.

'Alice is a nice girl,' Dad continued. 'And she helps us a lot. I'm glad that you both have found each other again. It's always great when you have somebody who has known you since an early age.'

Charlie meant Alice, of course, but I imagined somebody else. A boy with a strange bronze – colored hair sitting in the corner of the cafeteria...

Seattle's last goodbye was cold, but I felt better when we went outside. I was easier to breath, easier to think here. I felt relieved. I was leaving sickness, and pain, and long-kept fears here, in Seattle. Old Bella was dead. New Bella was going home now.

Carlisle prepared a special car for us. The staff helped me get in. Charlie seat near. Nobody spoke. Dad and I were looking out of the window. Silence was good and comfortable, and I got an idea that I had made the right decision on staying with Charlie. We were the same. We didn't need any words. No explanations. We didn't need to spend time, arguing. My life was much simpler when Charlie was in it.

A few hours later familiar places began to flash before my eyes. I felt a sudden eagerness and desire to drive faster. I was almost home. Everything would be okay now.

I thought we were driving to Forks Hospital, but instead of that we stopped in front of Charlie's house. Nobody said a word about that.

'What happened?' I asked. 'Did you forget anything at home?'

The door opened, and the light blinded me for a second. A turned my head to Dad's side. He looked… confused?

'Well…' he cleared his throat. 'I think I need to tell you something.'

'Tell what?'

Charlie frowned.

'Carlisle and I had a conversation and we decided… Well, he decided that it would be better for you to stay at home. The hospital is too small. It's doesn't make any advantage for you to stay there.'

That's why Carlisle left so early. He needed to prepare everything. The doctor was very, very busy…

'Everything is fine, Bella,' Charlie continued. He knew that I would be disappointed. 'We prepared the house for your arrival. Don't worry about it.'

We? I sighed, realizing who played the main role in it.

Alice. I shook my head. We would have to talk about it later.

Everything was clean and neat in the house. Alice must have done general cleaning. My room looked big, too bright and empty. Curtains were new, perfectly white. The room was still mine, but it looked strange at the same time. It has never been so neat before. I wasn't a slob, but I was incapable of competing against Alice.

Déjà vu again. I was a stranger in my own room. I looked around, searching something familiar to me. The window was half-open. My old rocking chair still stood in the corner of the room. Edward was watching my sleep, sitting there, not far from my bed. Strange. I was returning to him again and again today. I forgot how much reminded me about Edward.


It stopped raining at night, and the sky was grey. I was watching clouds when a familiar voice made me turn around.

'Good morning!' Alice sang, entering the room. I glanced at the watch. 8 A.M. Charlie has already gone. Alice and Dad made some sort of schedule. He could return to work, while Alice promised to take care of me in his absence. Everyone was happy, and even I didn't have anything against it. It was better to spend day at home with Alice than to stare at the wall in the hospital room.

I noticed a big tray of food and rolled my eyes.

'What?' Alice looked at the trey, examining breakfast carefully. 'Carlisle says you need take a lot of calcium and zinc. It's for your bones' recovery!'

'It's too much', said I, sitting on the bed. 'And it looks like it's your house, not mine!'

Alice laughed, leaving the tray on my bed.

'Yeah. I had a lot of fun while tidying up your room'.

I looked at her, blushing. My look wasn't kind at all. Alice noticed my expression.

'C'mon, Bella! Charlie didn't mind!' she said quickly. 'He was sick of the idea of cleaning the house', she added. 'He's already gone, by the way. Charlie really missed work.'

'I'm glad that Dad's life returns to normal,' said I, gulping down tea. I couldn't resist hunger anymore. My breakfast smelled really nice.

'I thought you would like it', Alice said, examining the room. She sat in a rocking chair. Edward's chair. I shivered. I needed to change the subject…

'I like it. But it's not my room,' said I, focusing on the answer. 'You haven't thrown anything out, have you?'

Alice laughed again.

'No. Charlie and I decided that you'd be disappointed. You're so boring, Bella. You're not ready for big changes.'

I continued eating, Alice – trying to find a speck of dust in the room. The breakfast was good, actually. I haven't realized how hungry I was until I began to eat.

I glanced at the window again, recalling Edward's face in my mind. The image was blurred. I haven't seen him for a very long time.

I come here almost every night.

Why?

You're interesting when you sleep.

I looked down, promising myself to stop thinking about him.

Then I looked at Alice. I had a question for her, and she definitely knew the answer. She also knew what I wanted to ask. I had no chance to lie to her, but I could pretend being honest. Alice knew that too.

I made a deep breath.

'Alice... Can I ask you about something?'

She stared back. Of course, she has already known my question. Alice could easily predict such kind of things. But she didn't show it anyhow. Alice's face was blank, impossible to read.

'Sure', she said, her voice sounded casually. 'What did you want to know?'

I made another unnecessary breath.

'Has Edward asked anything about me?'

If Alice read my anxiety, she pretended not to notice that.

'He can read our minds, Bella,' she said, half tired, half irritated. 'Edward knows everything even if he doesn't want to'.

She pronounced it too carelessly, in my opinion.

'How is he?' I asked again, surprised, how easy it could sound. Like I really missed him.

Alice smiled. Her smile was kind, generous, very charming. And very annoying at the same.

'Edward is changing', she said. 'I bet he'll surprise you when you meet him.'

What did she mean – Edward is changing? I was confused. The answer was weird, but it intrigued me. Alice's smile widened.

'I can't imagine that,' I said honestly. My life was usual, normal, extremely boring. And it would always be. Edward was my last impossible dream. He was only a ghost. Everything was falling into place now.

I felt a late sorry for starting that conversation. I was dazzled, fooled. It wasn't me. I shouldn't think about him, shouldn't think…

Alice still smiled, reminding of my mistake. It made me angry. But I shouldn't give up so easily. I couldn't let Alice made me think about Edward. I'm not thinking about him. Not thinking about him…

I new idea struck my mind. Perhaps, Alice's help wasn't needed. Perhaps, I was missing Edward already. I was just too afraid to confess it.

Heat touched my cheeks. I looked down, returning to my cold breakfast. It has lost its taste.


We didn't return to that conversation anymore. Alice was noisy, but I was ready to deal with it. Charlie spent the whole day at work and came home in the evening, always in a good mood. His life returned to normal again, and I was happy to see him happy.

I had good news too. I was feeling better. Carlisle visited me everyday, checking my condition and leaving new instructions for Alice, who turned into my personal nurse.

That morning was perfect. Silent. I glanced at the clock, checking time. The house was empty. Carlisle was going to arrive soon. He planned to take off my cast today. It wouldn't take too much time. Alice promised to arrive here when he finished.

I glanced at the clock again. To my surprise, Carlisle was seven minutes late. He was so punctual. What happened?

He still hasn't arrived a half hour later. Alice was absent too. There was no reason to worry, but I couldn't stop thinking that something bad had happened. What if I was the only person who was sitting here, inside of the house, and hasn't heard anything yet?

Somebody cleared his throat quietly. I shivered and turned my head to the door. An unexpected guest was standing on the threshold.

It was impossible. I blinked, but he still was there.

It was Edward.

When have we seen each other for the last time? It was ages ago. Centuries. Thousands of years. I forgot how gorgeous he was. Did Edward always been so… dazzling?

'Hi, Bella', his melodic voice reminded me that our conversation was real. 'I came here to replace Carlisle. He said he had promised to take your cast off.'

Was he going to cure me? What a strange dream…

I nodded. My voice was still lost.

Edward's stile has changed. Now I could see what Alice has been talking about. His new deep blue shirt suited him, making him look older. Edward was a stranger for me again. He wasn't my Edward. But who was he now?

'Something happened?' I asked in a weak tone.

Edward shook his head, smiling. His smile dazzled me. I lost my thoughts again.

'Nothing to worry about', he came closer. His moves were slow, just like he was human. 'It's good news, actually,' he added.

I stared at him.

'Carlisle is needed at the hospital', he explained. 'Angela Weber is delivering now.'

Other people had their own lives. They married. Had kids. I just forgot about that. The Earth didn't revolve around me all the time.

'Oh... I completely forgot about that,' I murmured. 'How's she?'

'Carlisle is very optimistic. I'm sure she'll be fine'.

'Great,' I didn't know what to say. My head was empty.

'May I…?' asked Edward, pointing at my cast. The situation was awkward, we both knew it. I blushed.

'Yes', my voice trembled, betraying me again.

I was wearing an old T-shirt and shorts. They looked clean, but I was confused. My cheeks were burning. I have never imagined anything like that…

'You can wait for Carlisle, if you wish', Edward said softly, noticing my anxiety.

Our eyes met, and I lost myself in them immediately. The time has stopped. His eyes were light, but very deep. I stopped breathing.

'No, it's fine', I said quickly. Too quickly. What was I thinking about?

'I won't hurt you', Edward's voice sounded like music. 'It won't take much time'.

I nodded again. Edward came a bit closer. I went hot and cold all over.

'Angela has a nice son', Edward continued the conversation. He wanted to sound casually, but I've guessed that he worried too.

'Did you see him?'

'Not exactly', he said evasively, laughing.

I smiled. Of course. Edward saw the boy's image in someone's mind.

'Sorry for all of that', Edward's work was fast. He knew what he was doing. I remembered the he had assisted Carlisle in the past.

'Alice went hunting with Jasper at night. She hasn't seen anything special in her visions. Alice thought that Angela would deliver in the late evening. It wasn't planned… sorry.'

He touched my bare skin. I shivered, unaware if I felt that cold. I felt only heat, nothing more.

'I'm finished', Edward added quickly, returning to work. He was right. My leg was free from the cast.

'You leg is swollen, but it's quite normal. You need to learn walking again. Alice is eager to help you with that. If she…'

'I shouldn't be annoying or irritating. Bella knows that', another melodic voice made us jump.

Alice was watching us, smiling, as if she caught us making something inappropriate. I looked away. Could I stop blushing?

Edward sighed, listening to her thoughts. He rolled his eyes and then turned to me.

'If Alice breaks any rule you can complain to Carlisle about that', he said quietly. 'Esme knows how to fix it'.

There came Alice's turn to sigh. I smiled.

'Get well soon, Bella', said Edward, looking at me before leaving. His stare was real, almost visible. I looked back at him. It was so strange. Our conversation was normal. This new Edward was so unusual for me…

Everything happened so fast that I couldn't believe in it. Edward left, but I kept looking at the door, shocked and confused.

'So, are you ready for your first step?' Alice voice distracted me. Her eyes were shining. She was almost laughing.

My first step was the last thing I was thinking right now.


20 September 2017. I missed a few mistakes when published the chapter for the first time (thanks for mentioning that in your comments). I've corrected them now. The chapter hasn't changed much. Thanks for your help!