Chapter 17. Still friends

"May I come in?" she asked, aloud again. My confusion seemed to be obvious.

"Yes, sure", I made a step aside. "Sorry".

Tanya entered the corridor.

Stay calm, stay calm…

Having spent centuries as a vampire, Tanya had learned a lot about self-control. Even when we first met, Tanya didn't show any nervousness. Carlisle and I visited Denali soon after the beginning of my immortal life. Tanya invited us to Alaska when Carlisle wrote her about it.

"I'm Tanya. Nice to meet you," she said, stretching out her hand. "A new life must be so confusing for you."

Tanya, after all these years she spoke with a slight Russian accent, and her name sounded so unusual, so soft, that it surprised me. But her patience surprised me the most. Tanya's head was bursting with questions, but she was willing to wait. I could read everything – every secret, every little thought, but she didn't know about that yet. Tanya was patient, like she was patient now, waiting for my explanations.

I was lost, but managed to pull myself together and led Tanya to the living room. I wasn't very good at playing host. Actually, Esme was the real hostess of the house, but she was away now, and our home had lost its soul.

The living room was accurate and clean, every detail perfectly matched. My guest hasn't spoiled the harmony of the place. As all vampires, Tanya continued being graceful. We sat on the large white sofa, so close to each other, that I could see light red painted on Tanya's pale face. She had freckles when she was human. She must have loved the sun, but it was centuries ago. After becoming a vampire, your body freezes, reminding only about the past, but not the future.

That closeness confused Tanya. Her mind turned into a mist, which faded only a second later. She sighed, and inside of her head I read: "Weird".

But she said nothing aloud. I didn't get it, but recalled Emmet's words about women. He was right. They are true mysteries for us.

Why did you return to Forks? What happened? Where's everyone?

She was staring at me. I chuckled.

"I'm afraid I can't explain everything at the same time. It's a long story. Tell me, how did you know we're here? We have returned to Forks quite recently."

Tanya's mind gave me the answer. I saw a ringing mobile phone, an illuminating screen and a name written on it.

Alice Cullen.

"Alice?" I asked, surprised again. "Did she phone you?"

"Yes," she answered. "It was in the morning, when I was driving to Vancouver. I had to visit big city – bad weather had damaged the house. The roof needs rebuilding. I was thinking about visiting you there, but Alice phoned me first."

I frowned. Alice left the house at night, and I haven't seen her since then. There was nothing special about that. Jasper was going to Seattle. Our lawyer, Jason Jenks, promised to prepare new documents for us. Alice went to Seattle with Jasper and planned to return to Bella in the early morning. She has been constantly thinking about Seattle for the whole evening. I haven't noticed anything wrong. If she saw anything, I had no idea about that.

"What?" Tanya asked, aloud again, paying my attention. "Tell me, Edward," her voice was trembling. "Where is Alice? Where is everyone? What are you doing in Forks again?"

I grimaced.

"Alice's fine," I began to explain. "She went to Seattle with Jasper, but came back to Forks this morning. She must be with Bella now…"

Bella?

Of course, Tanya knew about her. After leaving Forks seven years ago, I went to Alaska first. Tanya was watching my pain, and she knew the reason for that. Her reaction to Bella's name wasn't good. It was sharp, like a knife. I faltered, unaware what I could tell Tanya without hurting her.

"I've told you. The story is a bit complicated," I said.

But Tanya caught everything much quicker than I thought.

Oh... That girl, the mixture of pain, betrayal and disappointment touched her frozen heart. Are you here because of her?

She looked me in the eyes.

"Yes". I didn't mean to hurt her. But I did. Of course, I did. Tanya still had feelings for me. It wasn't love, not at all, but that feelings still could hurt. I needed to be careful. "We made a decision to come back. To be frank, everything turned out to be much easier that we had expected."

It isn't a long story, then. So… have you both reconciled? she thought after a pause.

I looked down, hesitating again. Tanya guessed my answer and turned her gaze.

"You will..." Tanya mumbled, speaking, mostly, to herself. "Of course, you will."

"Do you think so?" I suddenly asked. I shouldn't have spoken about it with Tanya, but she was my friend, and I felt that I needed to get her advice.

Tanya looked at me and smiled. Her smile wasn't happy at all, although her face remained to be beautiful.

"Of course. Why do you doubt about that?"

I've decided to be honest.

"I don't want to lose Bella. But I keep thinking…" I made a deep breath. "Vampires can't change, Tanya, we perfectly know about that. I froze at my age. I'll always be a teenager. It's so hard, to grow up. What If I won't be able to change for her?"

I haven't noticed when I pronounced everything that concerned me the most. Damn it! What I was doing? I promised myself to be delicate…

Tanya imagined herself smiling.

"You don't understand. You're already changing. Do you feel like the person who lived in the 1910s?"

"No. But…"

"Time changes us all. No exception", she added aloud. "But our life is much longer that it's supposed to be. That's why changes don't look so obvious. But we change, in everything. Even our habits are not the same," Tanya smiled again, "You would never sit down so close to me in the past. Always worried about my feelings. And you've never been so confident. I couldn't get a word out of you when you first met Bella."

Tanya recalled our past relationship with nostalgia.

"You're so special," she said after a pause. "I think you can charm Bella again. Don't worry about anything. You deserve to be happy."

We were sitting close to each other, but the wall between us became almost visible. I could feel it now. I looked at Tanya, amazed. Yeah, everything has changed now. I worried about it too much.

"Where's Carlisle?" Tanya asked, changing the subject. She mentioned Dad, but asked about others too, of course. I saw a few faces inside of her head, and the questions I haven't answered yet.

"He went hunting with Esme, Emmet and Rosalie. Jasper is in Seattle, but he'll return home in the evening."

Tanya nodded.

"I know about Jasper. Alice mentioned that when she phoned me."

"What did Alice tell you?" I asked. Tanya's memories weren't clear. I still had questions.

"That call was weird, actually," she answered, smiling again. "Alice said that my future began to change. She said that I would appear here soon, not far from Forks. Alice saw me driving somewhere, all alone. To be frank, I understood everything in a different way," she added, laughing again. "Wrong way, as I see now."

Tanya's heart sank. She was watching my image inside of her head. I sighed. Tanya thought that I changed my mind. The situation became uncomfortable again. Tanya's feelings were like an open wound, and we were touching it again and again, bringing infection inside and making Tanya suffer. It was wrong.

I hoped Alice had a good explanation for her actions. What was she up to?

"Sorry, Tanya", I whispered.

She touched my cheek, ruining the wall between us. Her touch was warm and gentle. It was precious for her – it was Tanya's way to say good bye.

"Don't worry," he whispered back. "I'm a big girl. You shouldn't worry about it. Everything is gonna be alright."

I looked at Tanya again. She was so beautiful. It was so sad that I wasn't able to see her beauty. I wished Tanya would meet somebody worthy one day.

Carlisle and Esme arrived a couple hours later. Tanya and I were relieved to meet them. The wall between us returned, making us feeling awkward again. When my parents returned home, I snuck away quietly; nobody seemed to notice my absence. I needed to be alone, so I went to the woods, staying deep in my own thoughts. At first dark green surrounded me, but a few miles away the light was turning brighter. I didn't notice where I was going – I was too busy to notice anything.

What has Alice planned? Why didn't she warn us about her visions? Were they real? I had no answer. Tanya's arrival confused me. Everything seemed to be weird, unnatural and strange. I kept walking and thinking, making graceful steps.

My instincts were ahead of me. I froze, but didn't realize why. Did I hear anything? It was hard to be sure, but something was, definitely, wrong.

I looked around and guessed where I was standing. It was the meadow, my meadow with Bella, but I wasn't alone in the woods.

Approaching thoughts filled my head. I saw blurred hazy pictures flashing before my eyes. Tanya driving somewhere. A deep dark night, the sky full of stars. Bright city lights. A few cities, totally unfamiliar to me. Bella. Me. The meadow. The vision that Alice had seen long ago, the vision that couldn't be real.

But it was going to be real. A few minutes later, that seemed to be unbelievably long, Alice and Bella appeared out of the darkness.


My heartbeat was so strong and loud that the air seemed to be tasteless.

"Oh, I see," Alice finally breathed out. She relaxed and lowered her shoulders as if had lost some invisible weight.

"What do you see?" I continued whispering. It looked stupid, I know, but I couldn't stop doing that.

"Hmm…"

Alice squeezed my hand and helped me make a new step. What did mean? I couldn't calm down. My heart was going to jump out of my chest. My blood was dancing. Every breath was heavy. I was turning red. We made a few quick steps ahead and appeared on the meadow.

I was right. We weren't alone here anymore. Then came my turn to freeze and look at the guest in astonishment. It was Edward, another frozen statue.

I breathed out a glance at Alice again, angrily now. Couldn't she tell me about that? I nearly died from heart attack because of her!

"You didn't tell me anything," Edward said in a displeased tone. He was watching Alice's thoughts.

"Sorry. I haven't found time to warn you about it. I didn't expect that visions would be so important," in contrast to us, Alice looked happy. She was even smiling. "And I didn't expect her to be so… fast."

I glanced at Alice again, surprised. Did she mention me? It was really rude!

Edward suddenly laughed.

"She has always been like that. She doesn't want to lose any slight chance to win."

"Yeah," Alice answered. "That's why your relationship didn't last for too long. No dice!"

Hey both laughed. I blushed, ready to die from shame. Were they speaking about me? It's craziness…

"It's true, then?" Edward asked, frowning, his tone serious again. "I don't understand…"

Alice shrugged.

"Well, we can try to see more", she finally remembered about me and turned her head to my side. "I'm sorry, Bella," Alice's voice changed, sounding softly, as if she was talking to a little child. "I need to speak with Tanya until she leaves."

Tanya? Oh. I misunderstood it. They weren't speaking about me at all!

"I need to go now, but Edward will take care of you, won't he?" Alice continued. I couldn't understand what she was talking about. Alice glanced at him. Edward sighed.

"Have fun!"

The bag Alice carried fell on the grass. That sound made me shiver. An easy wind blew, and Alice gone. Her cold touch vanished. I staggered. Still lost in my thoughts, I wasn't prepared for that. My heart began pounding again. I was afraid to fall without Alice's support…

A cold arm caught me before I touched the ground.

"Sorry. Are you all right?"

Edward was holding me in his arms. He stood very close, his eyes focused on me. Edward's face was still a mask, impossible to read, but I thought that he might be confused too.

"Yes," I spent a minute searching for answer. "Thank you".

"Do you want to sit down?" Edward asked, examining the meadow. "The ground must be cold, I'm afraid. The sunlight touched the air, but its warmth is deceptive. "

"Alice took the blanket," I said automatically.

My voice sounded so confident, I was amazed to hear that. It was even funny. I wasn't so confident. Not at all.

"She's very foresighted," he muttered quietly.

Edward took out the blanket and helped me sit. The sun appeared out of the clouds again, covering the meadow with light warmth. I finally made myself calm down. The air got its taste again.

"Is Tanya here? Your relative from Alaska?" I asked, recalling Edward and Alice's weird dialogue.

Edward nodded. He sat not far from me and closed his eyes, enjoying the heat.

"Alice saw visions connected with Tanya. I didn't believe it at first, but they appear to be true."

Edward's skin started glittering, like a hundreds of little diamonds, and I regarded him with admiration. It happened absent-mindedly. His image was so beautiful that it was difficult to take my eyes off him.

"What did she see?" I asked.

"She saw Tanya driving somewhere. Alice noticed two different cities, but we haven't recognized them yet. The image was too hazy. Alice wasn't sure that visions could be important. In the end, it didn't concern us, but Tanya…she misunderstood it all," Edward wrinkled his nose as he was thinking about something unpleasant. "Alice wants to see Tanya now. She hopes it will make her visions clearer. You know how it works. When you start thinking about something certain, the vision is changing."

I knew about it. Alice's visions were very subjective. For example, she had seen me becoming a vampire, but it never happened. Could we trust Alice's visions now?

The silence between us was awkward. And I was afraid to admit that I liked the sound of Edward's voice. It comforted me. I pretended to examine the grass under my feet.

"I'm sorry," Edward added, breaking the silence. I looked up and met his golden eyes. He wasn't enjoying the sun anymore. Edward was staring at me. "After leaving Tanya with Carlisle and Esme I decided to take a walk. I didn't notice where I was going until I came here. It wasn't planned," he paused a little. "By me, at least. I cannot speak for Alice."

I smiled.

"It's okay. But Alice frightened me to death when she stopped moving. We almost reached the meadow when she froze and turned into a museum statue."

Edward laughed.

'You should never trust vampires."

"I've heard something like that."

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked quickly. It looked like he hated the silence too.

"Oh, I'm fine, although this walk wasn't my idea either. You see, I still can't make a step without Alice. I haven't got confidence yet."

He nodded.

"But it has been always difficult for me," I added with grimace, "I stumbled even with a healthy leg."

He laughed again, loudly that time. I've heard the sound of tinkling bells.

"Well, you were quite impressive when we went here for the first time," Edward paid me a compliment.

"Yeah. And I felt sick when you had decided to show me your extra-speed."

Edward laughed, opened his mouth in order to say something and… changed his mind. I bit my lip. We both thought about the same thing. At the end of that day we had our first kiss. I was sure Edward was thinking about it too.

"Do you remember that?" I asked, unaware what exactly I meant.

He still looked me in the eyes.

"I remember everything", he answered. I shivered. It was the voice that always dazzled me. A low, quiet, velvet melody.

"I know that everything is complicated", Edward continued, and I realized he began to worry again. "But I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask what?"

Edward was staring at me again.

"I cannot predict the future," he began to explain. "I don't know how long we can stay here. Our relationship has never been simple, Bella..."

Memories filled my head again. Old ones. The memories of the time when we both were happy.

"Of course, you have the right to hate me," Edward laughed bitterly, "but if you're not, could we…"

I made a deep breath, waiting for his words.

"… Could we become friends again?" he finished.

I breathed out.

"I think it'll make everything easier," he noticed my confusion and completely misunderstood it. It reminded me of the Edward I used to know.

"Of course… I mean, yes," I mumbled quickly. My voice trembled. I wasn't sure what I felt now. I wasn't sad, but I didn't feel happy either.

And then Edward smiled. His smile was wide, sincere, and I realized how much these words meant to him. He was happy. Edward wasn't going to distract me, but I was dazzled again inevitably. I was charmed by his happiness, and it made me feel happy too.

I smiled back. Edward's smile was too catchy.

'So… still friends, then?' he asked again.

"Still friends," I admitted.

He suddenly laughed.

"What?" I asked, puzzled.

"Just like that song. "We're still friends*". Did you hear it?"

"I'm not very good at music, I suppose," I answered apologetically.

Edward laughed again.

"The song has an original version, but the cover is good too," he continued. I still had no idea what he was talking about. "I can lend you the CD, if you want."

"That would be great."

We didn't notice when the sun vanished and a cold wind began to play on the meadow.

"It's getting cold," Edward noticed. "I think we should go home."

I felt a bit sad that our moment was over, but Edward's "we should go home" sounded quite optimistic.

"I have to carry you, I'm afraid," Edward added with a new smile. "Or we'll return to Forks tomorrow. Maybe."

I laughed.

"I'd better return home before the Chief of Police starts searching for me with the dogs."

Edward took me in his arms, trying not to touch my skin. I should have felt nervous, but I didn't. A long day spent on fresh air made me feel tired. So many events happened in such a short time. I was exhausted. Edward's arms reminded me of protection and care I have almost forgotten.

"You'd better close your eyes," he said softly. I nodded. I had no desire to get sick again.

I laid my head on his chest. Edward preferred to move slower than Alice. Perhaps, he had already seen my reaction to vampire speed. Surrounded by Edward's smell and his deep breath, I didn't have to worry about anything. What a strange day! Everything turned upside down in a one single moment, making the world look so calm, so peaceful that it was hard to believe it was real. I appeared in a fairytale which gave me tranquility.

I was like Alice who returned to her Wonderland.

When I opened my eyes again, I've noticed Alice's car standing not far from us.

"Let's get inside", Alice added, addressing the message to me. "Charlie has phoned me already. I said we'd return home in 20 minutes."

I sighed. The fairytale was ending suddenly. Wonderland vanished, and I was in my world again. The world full of boring grown ups. The world full of worries and disappointment.

Edward and I exchanged glances. I watched him, feeling nothing but sadness. It shouldn't have ended so quickly. I wasn't prepared for that. Let's return to Wonderland…

Edward seemed to be unhappy too. He helped me stand up and lead to Alice's car. I stumbled twice, but Edward caught me, preventing the fall.

"Thank you," I mumbled, squeezing his hand for the last time. I didn't know how to say goodbye. Edward seemed not to know what to say too. We both were silent, and only the car's motor was roaring, hurrying us.

"By the way, I need to give you something."

I removed my eyes from the woods where Edward still stood, watching us leaving. We had driven too far, and he had turned into a silhouette, a bright figure standing in front of the dark forest.

Alice offered me a CD. She has already known everything.

"It's very rude to spy, you know," I noticed.

"I thought you'd like to listen to it today."

Alice was right. I was curious. And I thought that the song could remind me of today when everything would be over. It couldn't be a prediction, but today was so weird. Everything looked impossible to me; it was too good to be real.

When we drove home and went inside, Alice waved to Charlie and said goodbye to me. Dad noticed how exhausted and tired I was; he decided not to bother me with too many questions. I was grateful for that. A hot shower helped me to relax and find strength for listening to the song. My body was tired. My memory was filled with too many things to remember. It was difficult to focus on anything specific, like it always happened after a long and colorful day.

Still friends.

After taking a shower I had to spend time searching for my old CD-player. I stopped listening to the music about seven years ago. It was great to find out that the player was working. The CD was unfamiliar to me. I checked the list and picked the record I needed.

A low jazz voice made me shiver.

Hello, friend, how has it been…?

Ain't it wonderful, you've got a friend?

I lay in the bad, listening to the song. Nostalgic and melancholic, it revived past memories in my head. Now I saw why Edward mentioned it. The lyrics spoke about two people, who were dear to each other in the past, but the life had separated them. Just like us.

Though we've changed in our endeavors

I found we still have some things in common…

Edward and I had the same past, the past that we couldn't forget. I didn't know how much Edward remembered, what he remembered, what all these memories meant to him. My memories were full of pain, and sorrow, and sadness, but they had a bright side too. I remembered that now. I was happy with Edward, too happy, perhaps, but… but I really missed that feeling.

And I was glad to become Edward's friend again, although I didn't want to think what it meant.

Ain't it strange but wonderful

That we, we're still friends…

I kept lying in the bed, listening to the song again and again and thinking about this day. Still friends. Still friends…

I didn't notice when I fell asleep.


*The song I mentioned is "We're still Friends", performed by Amy Winehouse (Donny Hathaway cover). All rights belong to its owners.