Despite his fitful sleep, Adam woke at first light. He got up and threw on some clothes when he heard movement in the hallway. He saw Jamie's slate by the door to Ben's room and picked it up. As he entered, Adam saw his youngest brother and Hop Sing already busy getting things ready. His father was lying on his back watching the activity and looked toward the door when Adam came in.

"Good morning, everybody." Adam laid the slate on his father's dresser.

Jamie and Hop Sing gave him their greetings.

Ben's eyes lit up. "Mo-nin."

"Hop Sing, I'm ready and able to be Jamie's assistant today. I'm certain you've got other things that need your attention."

The Chinaman turned to look at the 'number one son'. "If you're sure, Mistah Adam?"

"It's ok, Hop Sing. We talked about it last night. I'll make sure he does a good job with Pa." Jamie responded.

Hop Sing's eyes sparkled with humor. Adam touched the small man's brown sleeve as he walked past him and gave him a wink. This brought a faint smile to the cook's lips.

"I bring breakfast up lickety split." Hop Sing winked back at Adam.

Adam rubbed his hands together. "All right, time to rise and shine, Pa!"

Jamie's eyes went wide and he glanced at his father. "So much for a nice quiet morning, huh, Pa?"

Ben tried his best to force a scowl, but it just made him look comical.

"That the best you got for your new taskmaster, Pa? So tell me how this is going to go, little brother."

Jamie grinned. He could stand being called little since he was the one in charge. "Up to do his business, then he washes himself. We help with what he can't get."

Adam was wishing in the worst way that Hoss was still with them. The big man would have just picked up their father and carried him to the washroom. As he thought on it more, whether in a tub or by hand, it was all an invasion of his father's privacy.

"Ok then, Pa, scoot your ass. Oops!" Adam paused and bit his lip in mock contrition. "I mean your backside, over here."

Ben just shook his head while Jamie chuckled and went to get the pail. The brothers helped their father to get on his feet who then seemed to be having difficulty making things work. Adam sensed that Ben was more embarrassed than usual since it was his first time helping with the process.

"Just imagine that I'm a tree and nail it!" Adam cocked his right hand into a pistol.

Jamie howled and Ben coughed out a guffaw. Within moments, a stream hit the pail.

Adam's dimple twitched with his father's success. "Always helps to have something to aim for, right Pa?"

Ben wagged his head making his oldest son chuckle with satisfaction. After pulling up his fresh drawers, they sat Ben on the bed and stripped him out of his nightshirt. Adam hid his shock at seeing how thin his father had become. Jamie handed Ben a soapy washcloth and he worked to wash his face and upper body with his left hand. Adam offered to get his father's back and legs. In short order, Ben was scrubbed, dried, and clothed in a clean nightshirt.

Soon Jamie left to get his breakfast and do his outdoor chores. Food was delivered up to the bedroom. Once Ben was finished eating, Adam set their trays aside and brought the slate and chalk to the bed.

"Pa, I was wondering if you'd give something a try for me." Adam placed the slate on Ben's lap and held the chalk over his left hand. "It seems like speaking gets tiresome pretty quickly for you. I was thinking that writing, in short, even incomplete sentences, might be easier. Shall we give it a try?"

"Shuw.'

Adam positioned Ben's weakened right hand to hold the slate and placed the piece of chalk in his left. "Write it instead."

Ben took the chalk and awkwardly scribbled, "Sure."

Adam turned his chair around and pushed it up against the bed so that he was parallel with Ben and could see the slate.

"Sure. Got it." Adam grinned.

Underneath Ben wrote, "Wouldn't get A+."

Adam laughed. "Not worried about that. Let me get a towel to erase the slate."

Adam returned from the washstand and handed a towel to his father who was then able to smear away most of the chalk and wrote, "Thanks."

"You're welcome. So I have a question for you. Yesterday, Joe picked up a hymn book that you ordered. Is there a certain song you were interested in hearing?"

After considerable scratching, Adam read the words, 'How Firm A Foundation'. "The book is in my room. I'll be right back."

He returned carrying Jamie's guitar and the book. Locating the song, Adam began reading the stanzas. Suddenly, he looked up at Ben. "Oh Pa."

Ben's eyes were filled with tears. He paused as he wrote to swipe them away with the sleeve of his nightshirt. He wrote, "Our story with eternal hope."

Adam reached over and placed his hand on top of Ben's, "Yes, it's perfection."

Again Ben took the towel and erased his words. He then wrote, "Sing it for me?"

"Of course. It may be a bit rough this go around, but I'll work on it."

Ben nodded his thanks and Adam began picking through the melody. After running through it a few times, he sang the verses for his father. When Adam finished, he had an overwhelming sense of freedom and contentment even though he had the distinct feeling that the hymn would be significant to Ben's departure from this world. Father and son looked intently into each others eyes as the tears ran down their cheeks.

The precious moment passed and Ben began writing once again, "Thank you for coming home."

Gripped with emotion, Adam flexed his jaw, "There is nowhere else I'd rather be."

Over the next two weeks, the brothers established a new routine that incorporated Adam. One morning it happened that they were all sitting together at the breakfast table while Hop Sing was upstairs cleaning Ben's room. Adam was feeling confident that Ben's needs were being met.

"Things have been going pretty well lately", Adam commented. Jamie and Joe nodded between bites. "In fact, I was thinking that we could probably work things out so you could go back to school." Adam looked in Jamie's direction.

"That's ok. I told Ms. Griggs I'd be gone for a while."

"But if we can make it work, you wouldn't have to worry about getting behind."

Joe gave Adam a look that said he needed to drop this line of discussion.

"School can wait for now. We're just getting into the swing of things." Jamie noted.

Adam pressed on. "Yes, but I really think it's possible -"

Jamie slapped down his fork and hissed, not wanting to yell for fear it would reach Ben's ears. "Look, I said it's fine. Pa and I talked this over. Just because you're a lot older than me doesn't mean you can overrule Pa!"

"Whoa, now." Adam responded with wide eyes.

"Don't you whoa me." Jamie jumped to his feet. "It took years for you to figure out what's important. For some of us, it doesn't take that long!" Jamie slammed his chair against the table and stormed out the door.

"Just hold up there, young man!" Adam shouted.

Joe held a finger to his lips. "Jamie's right. Don't get Pa upset. He doesn't need that. You poked the bear and got growled at. Can't blame the boy for that."

"I wasn't being unreasonable, just practical, but he is being insolent! Where the hell did that come from?"

"Well, you should know that he's been getting his assignments and doing them when he can. Once he settled in and put his mind to it, Jamie's done pretty well in school, way better than Hoss and I know better than me."

Adam blew out a long breath. He gulped the rest of his coffee and headed for the door.

Joe shook his head and called over his shoulder. "You might want to give him a few minutes. Once he gets up a head of steam, it takes a while for him to calm down."

"Sounds like a true Cartwright to me!" Adam stated before closing the door.

He found Jamie in the tack room throwing things around the work table.

Jamie glanced over his shoulder when he heard the door. "Don't have anything else to say!"

"Well I do."

Jamie picked up a tack hammer and banged it into the table.

"Though I don't appreciate your attitude, I came to apologize."

Jamie spun around and gave Adam a hard look.

"That's right. I didn't know you've been working on your studies from home."

"You didn't ask!"

"You're right. I made assumptions."

"Pa and I discussed it. He said it was up to me. He needed someone to take care of him and I was happy to do it!"

Adam nodded. "For what it's worth, I am grateful for all you're doing for Pa."

The boy shrugged, his anger beginning to dissipate. "After Pa got sick, we wrote to you. He knew that. All he wanted was to hear from you! God almighty, he loves you! And then finally, we got the telegram saying you were coming. That was the happiest I'd seen him since the day Joe told him that Alice was going to have a baby!"

Adam turned away.

"And then you came home, and everything was great. Pa was so happy and relieved that you were here. But that's just it. You're here. Don't you see? He's giving up because you told him you're staying put. A man like Pa doesn't want to be a burden. Soon he won't get out of bed. I know from my birth Pa how that works. It won't be long and Pa will be gone!"

Suddenly it all became perfectly clear. Jamie's seemingly unwarranted explosion had nothing to do with school and everything to do with fear. Time was growing ever so short, and it had taken the brutal, unvarnished honesty of a sixteen year-old boy for Adam to see what he had been trying to avoid. Their father was giving up. With a sense that everything was now in place, he would refuse to allow himself to be a burden to his family much longer when there truly was no hope for recovery.

Jamie turned and placed his palms on the table, his body wracked by sobs. Adam came up behind him and placed his hands on the boy's shoulders to let him know that he understood. Embarrassed by his inability to control his emotions, Jamie pulled loose and ran out of the barn. Adam tried to blink away his tears to no avail.

Moments later Joe entered to find his older brother fixated on a bridle that was lying on the work table.

"Everything ok?"

Adam's head jerked around. "Between Jamie and me? I think so. How is it that kid seems to understand what's going on?"

"He's seen a lot of life already."

"Hell, Joe, we've all seen a lot of life."

"I don't know. Maybe we've seen too much."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we've seen so much that the thought of any more pain makes us blind to the obvious."

"And that is?"

Adam fingered the bridle and then tossed it aside. "Pa's giving up. Jamie's sure of it - and I think he's probably right."

Joe nodded though Adam could not see it. He reached out and placed his hand on Adam's shoulder and then left him to his sober thoughts.

Within days, Jamie's fears became reality. Ben had little interest in completing his regular morning routine and only picked at his food. Adam waited until Jamie left to do his chores before questioning his father. Ben's eyes were closed when Adam placed the slate in his lap.

"Pa? What's going on?"

Ben did not attempt to write anything in response and refused to open his eyes.

"Come on. I know you can hear me. Is there something wrong?"

Ben's left shoulder rose and fell.

"Pa?"

Slowly Ben picked up the chalk and wrote, "Tired of living this way."

"I understand this is not what you want, but I hope you know that Joe, Jamie, and I aren't ready to give you up just yet." Adam gave his father a weak smile.

When Ben made no move to erase his words and continue, Adam took a towel and wiped the slate.

"Time to move on", Ben scrawled.

"You always told us that life was in God's hands." Again Adam cleaned the slate.

With tears in his eyes, Ben wrote, "God took half already."

Adam took the towel and rubbed away the words. "But thank God, your mind was preserved!"

"Not sure a blessing! Tired." Ben dropped the chalk and closed his eyes.

"All right, I'll stop bothering you." Adam got up to remove the slate, but Ben held up his hand.

He took the towel and erased his last words and wrote, "I'm the bother."

"Well, you are being a bit cranky today, but you're not going to get rid of me that easily." Adam gave his father a knowing smile. He was doing his best to make light of Ben's comments. However, he was concerned that this truly was the beginning of the end for his father, and he was struggling to accept it. "How about some music?"

Ben haphazardly smeared away his words with the towel and wrote, "OK. Tell H.S. only broth."

Adam read his words and nodded. He set the slate aside, picked up Jamie's guitar and began singing some of the folk songs that he loved so well. He watched his father closely while he sang and observed that Ben seemed more placid than earlier. Once Adam was certain Ben was asleep, he went downstairs.

Hop Sing served the brothers their lunch. He offered to take some broth up to Ben and sit with him for a while. Ben allowed his old friend to spoon broth and tea into his mouth. When finished, Ben reached out to touch Hop Sing's arm. Their dark eyes locked and glistened.

"It has been my honor to serve you and your sons. Hope you find quiet rest with ancestors." The Chinaman bowed in genuine humility and left Ben's room.

Meanwhile, at the table downstairs, Adam had little appetite as he felt compelled to speak with Joe and Jamie about his earlier conversation with their father. He picked at his food and then finally set down his fork before speaking.

"I need to tell you what Pa said to me this morning."

The younger brothers looked up from their plates with concern.

Adam blew out a big breath. "He's tired and doesn't want to be here anymore."

The look that Jamie gave Adam made it clear that this was no surprise to him, and yet there was great sadness in the boy's eyes.

"It's time." Adam looked intently at Joe.

"Time?"

"To say our goodbyes."

Jamie looked away and Joe stared at his plate.

Adam placed his elbows on the table, his clasped hands momentarily hiding his eyes. "He needs to know we're going to be all right and that it's OK for him to leave us." He paused. "I think tonight after dinner would be best. Are you two all right with that?"

Adam looked first at Joe who nodded and went for the front door, suddenly in need of some fresh air.

"You good with that?" Adam looked at his youngest brother whose eyes were focused out the window behind where Ben sat until the last few months.

"As good as one can be when you've been dreading this day." Jamie left the table to go upstairs. All the boy wanted at the moment was to be near his father.

After finishing their evening meal, the brothers worked with little conversation to get Ben ready for bed, leaving him propped up with pillows in a sitting position. The three brothers then came together at Ben's bedside.

Adam nervously cleared his throat. "Pa, we've all got some things we'd like to say, if that's ok with you?"

Ben's weariness gave way to sadness for what he knew was coming. He nodded for them to proceed.

Jamie looked at his brothers. They had not really discussed how things were going to work. Jamie's voice broke the silence. "Guess, I'll go first."

The young man moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He was quiet for a time, and then fell onto his father's chest and began to sob. Ben's left hand clutched Jamie's coarse, wiry red hair and he massaged the boy's neck while tears streamed down his craggy face. Adam had known this was going to be difficult, but he had not fathomed just how hard. This boy had been made his brother by his father's generous and giving heart. It was gut-wrenching to witness Jamie's open and genuine sorrow for the loss of what he had only so recently gained.

Once he had a measure of control, Jamie began. "I know it's selfish to want to keep you here. Just wish we had more time. You made me feel like I was one of your own. But I don't want you to worry about me. You taught me well and Adam and Joe will see that I stick by it." The boy's chest heaved. "I just want you to know - that if some day in the future - some kid needs a pa, like I did - I'm going to give him a home - and love him - 'cause you showed me how! Love you, Pa!"

Jamie grabbed hold of Ben's nightshirt and then pushed away. Joe reached out and wrangled the boy into a hug. Adam gripped his shoulder.

Then Joe released his younger brother and kneeled beside Ben's bed. He laid his head in his father's lap. It took a few moments, but then the sobs came. Eventually, Joe gathered himself and responded to his father fingering through his gray-brown waves. "Need a haircut, don't I Pa?" Ben hiccoughed and they were all thankful for the light moment.

"I know these last months have been really hard for you and that you're worried about leaving us. I promise you, Pa, we'll take good care of Jamie. You've given us all so much. We'll take care of the Ponderosa, too."

Joe stood up and leaned over to take his father's rough cheeks in his hands and kiss his wrinkled forehead just the way Ben had done for him when he was a child. He looked his pa directly in the eyes. "Love you, Pa. You'll always be right here." Joe placed his hand over his heart. He turned and touched Adam's arm and once more dropped his arm onto Jamie's shoulders.

Adam knelt and rested his head against his father's chest. Hearing the slow thump of Ben's heart, Adam's mind was transported to another time where a strong, vital man with dark hair swung him up and held him in his arms when he was a tired child. He remembered nestling his ear against Ben's chest and finding comfort in the steady beat of his father's heart. Adam's reverie was broken when Ben began running his fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Several times Adam opened his mouth to speak, but the words would not come. Ben could feel his son's tears soaking through his nightshirt. As so often in the past, it had been difficult to put their feelings into words.

Finally the words came. "Just remembering our times together when I was young. Those were special times. Bonded us. Remember those times, Pa, and let them carry you. Our memories will comfort us and guide us forward. I pray you will rest easy in that knowledge." Adam paused and one small sob escaped his lips. "Love you, Pa."

Receiving the familiar squeeze on the back of his neck, Adam stood and placed a kiss on the top of Ben's head. Ben held out his hand. Adam clasped it between both of his. Joe and Jamie moved in and each placed a hand on top of the others in a final show of Cartwright unity and strength.

The next day, Ben took only a few spoonsful of broth and tea and had no strength or desire to get out of bed. In the evening, the brothers gathered around their father's bed and listened as Adam read some of Ben's favorite scriptures. Ben acknowledged their presence and squeezed each one's hand. Adam offered to sleep in the chair so his brothers could get some sleep.

After finally dozing off for a time, Adam woke in the very early morning. He had an unexplained sense that something was not right. He turned the lamp up enough to get a good look at his father. Ben did not respond to the noise of Adam's movements.

"Pa?"

Adam reached under the covers and placed his fingers on Ben's neck. He felt no pulse. Rolling Ben on his back, Adam placed his ear to Ben's chest. All Adam could hear was his own increasing pulse resounding in his ears. The sobs that would not come two days earlier erupted as Adam knelt with Ben's hand clasped in both of his. Jamie soon appeared in the doorway and knew immediately that his father was gone. He went and woke Joe. Together on their knees around the bed, the brothers wept over their father's still body.

Two days later, a large processional consisting of family, friends, and employees made its way to Lake Tahoe for Ben's funeral. At the close of Reverend Jordan's message, he invited Adam to step forward and sing the only song that Ben had requested for his funeral. Adam opened the hymnal, looked resolutely at his brothers, and began to sing.

**How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,

is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!

What more can He say than to you He hath said,

who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;

for I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

and sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I will not desert to his foes;

that soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake!**

Adam exhaled heavily and closed the book before looking to Reverend Jordan who would offer the final words.

"Thank you Adam for honoring your father with that hymn of truth and great hope." Reverend Jordan then raised his right hand and extended it toward Ben's grave. *** "'Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother, Benjamin, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself.'*** Amen and amen."

Ben Cartwright's sons greeted those who had attended the funeral and watched as they dropped handfuls of dirt onto their father's casket. When the last person had passed, Reverend Jordan offered his sympathies and left the Cartwrights to say their final goodbyes.

Adam motioned for Jamie to go first. "A couple of years ago, I could never have imagined being part of a family like this. Now I can't imagine things being any other way, thanks to you. You believed in me, Pa, even when I didn't know how to believe in myself. You wanted me to be the best man I could possibly be, and I promise I'll do my best to live up to that. I'll be forever grateful that you made me a Cartwright. Love you, Pa. The boy grabbed a handful of dirt and let it sift through his fingers.

He stepped aside as Joe moved to the opening in the ground. "Gonna miss you like crazy, Pa. You were my anchor. The one who pulled me in when I drifted and didn't know where to turn. Always forgave my screw-ups. If people even think I'm half the man you were when my day comes, well, that will really be something." Joe's eyes brightened in spite of his tears. Love you, Pa. Joe swiped up a handful of dirt and let it drop into Ben's grave.

Adam stepped forward, his hat lying atop the hymn book. "From the time I was small, you showed me that dreams can come true even in the face of great sorrow and disappointment. You pointed the way and then allowed me to follow my dreams. You welcomed me back without judgment." Adam swallowed down the lump in his throat. "I'm thankful for every moment we shared over the last few months and I'm anxiously anticipating that great day when we will all be reunited. Until we meet again. Love you, Pa." Adam picked up a fistful of dirt and dropped it onto Ben's casket.

Together the brothers walked to the buckboard that had transported Ben's body to the shore of Lake Tahoe. Candy and two other ranch hands took care of closing the grave.

Later that evening after dinner, Adam stood staring up at the glittery night sky. Joe and Jamie stepped out and joined him.

"Can you imagine looking at that from the other side?" Adam whispered. "Pa has seen it from both sides now.

"Yeah, pretty amazing when you really stop and think about it." Jamie craned his neck upward, his hands jammed into his back pockets.

"Does make you wonder what all you see once you've crossed over to the other side." Joe added.

After a period of quiet contemplation, the three Cartwrights turned for the front door. As Joe and Jamie came up on either side of Adam, he reached up and squeezed the backs of their necks. Both his brothers stopped in their tracks and looked at him. Adam pulled his hands away and looked at them as if they belonged to someone else.

Lifting his head skyward, Adam murmured, "Thanks, Pa."

Subtle nods and smiles of understanding came to the younger Cartwrights. Adam smacked his brothers on the back and encouraged them to enter the house ahead of him. As he bolted the door for the night, his eyes were filled with tears of gratitude mixed with loss for the end of an era.

Author's Notes:

** Selected verses from How Firm A Foundation, published 1787 by John Rippon.

*** Adapted from the Book of Common Prayer