Chapter 22 Choice
"It was a huge surprise, but I'm so glad that you've decided to visit me!" said Renee for the 5th time since my arrival in Florida.
I smiled politely. I wished Mom continued thinking that I came there because of her.
The real reason for my visit was Edward. His propose left me numb, breathless, unable to say a word. I turned into a motionless statue and literally forgot how to breathe. I didn't know what to answer. I was too shocked, and I didn't know what to do.
"Bella?" Edward asked, his voice anxious, when I didn't reply and the pause between us started sounding creepy. "Are you all right?"
Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true. I had to agree with those words. Before Edward and I had separated, I was dreaming about immortality - I was waiting for that moment to come. I was obsessed with Edward, obsessed with his perfection, his beauty, his only presence. His stare at me lighted fire, and that fire was burning inside of my body, making me blush. Yes, I really wanted to become a vampire. It was supposed to be a part of my future, and I couldn't wait for it any longer.
I still remembered my young desires and dreams, but I was too shocked, so, after making a deep breath, I just answered:
"I need to think about it… Is that fine?"
My answer surprised Edward. Perhaps, Alice's vision was different, or she had no vision of future at all. Anyway, Edward wasn't prepared for that. His face froze for a second, and then he shook his head slightly, trying to pull himself together.
Before Edward wore his frozen mask again, I managed to read everything on his pale face. Shock. Surprise. Wonder. Misunderstanding.
"Sure," he said in his velvet, perfect tone. Edward looked around, probably, trying to calculate the distance between my house and the place where we stayed. "Let me…"
I shook my head.
"No. I know this place," I answered quickly, "I won't get lost."
I needed to go. I needed to run from there. Run from Charlie, from Forks, form constant fog and rain, run from Edward and his dazzling smile and from the Cullens who interfered into my life for too long.
Before Edward said a word, I turned away from him and went deep into the woods. Edward could easily catch and stop me, but he didn't follow me. I didn't hear anything while I was making fast hurry steps toward home. I left him in the forest, alone with his sudden grief. That idea made me laugh, although that laugh wasn't happy. The story was repeating again, only Edward and I replaced each other now.
I returned home become Charlie came back from work. Alice had already been there. She left my belongings in my bedroom and vanished as if she had never visited. Perhaps, she had already seen my answer.
"You're quiet today," Charlie noticed. "Something happened?"
We were sitting at the kitchen table, Charlie - finishing his dinner, me – pretending that I had already eaten.
"No, it's okay," I said, perhaps, too quickly, and then smiled, trying to correct my mistake. "Just tired, that's all."
Charlie chuckled.
"Shopping tour with Alice wasn't easy, hah?"
"Something like that," our trip seemed to be centuries ago. "You know Alice. Sometimes she can be... overenthusiastic."
Dad nodded.
"I know that. But it's good for you to go out sometimes, right? I'm glad you went to Seattle,' he confessed. "You spent too much time under this roof, honey."
I looked at Charlie. He worried about me, but he had no idea what was going on inside of my head. We were very close now, maybe, much closer than I was with Renee when I lived in Florida. Dad and I were so similar, and it usually helped, but… I knew I couldn't ask him for advice. Not now.
Maybe, that time Renee was all what I really wanted?
"Yeah, it was nice to go shopping," I answered. I decided not to trouble Dad with my problems. "I forgot how it feels – leaving home."
Of course, I lived in Seattle after my marriage with Dave, but that period of my life was short and left nothing except for blurred memories. Forks was all what I remembered.
"Maybe, it would be nice to visit Mom some day," I suddenly added. Renee's image was flashing before my eyes. "I haven't seen Florida for ages."
Charlie nodded.
"Sounds great, Bells. I think Renee will be glad to see you," he said, and Dad was so confident that I knew – he really liked that idea. "Actually, it's a good sign, you know. You're getting out of your shell."
"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly harsh.
Charlie stretched out his hands, as if giving up.
"You haven't spoken about visiting Jacksonville for so long," he answered. "I can't really remember the day when you planned to go to see Renee… I'm just saying."
There was nothing bad in Dad's words, but it sounded a bit offensive. Despite that, I knew that Charlie was right.
"When are you planning to see Renee?" Charlie said after finishing his dinner. He wanted to go to the living room and watch another game, but we needed to finish our conversation first.
I got up and took an empty plate.
"I don't know," I was honest.
To be frank, it was quite problematic. The price on the tickets was enormous, so…
"If you need money, I can give them to you," Charlie said suddenly.
I shuttered and almost slipped out the plate. Did Charlie read my mind? That was creepy!
"No, it's okay. You shouldn't spend your money on me," I said immediately. It was too shameful for me to get money from Charlie. I'd better work more in Newton's than do that. "I think it's a bit early to speak about that."
"Well," Charlie got up too, prepared to leave the kitchen, "I just think that you need to know that. If you need any help, I'm always there to help you."
Sincere, simple Charlie's care was priceless, it was much more important that dozens of beautiful words. I smiled to him, knowing how difficult it was for Charlie to show his love openly.
"Thanks, Dad. I'm glad to know it."
He nodded shortly, finally content, and I knew that our conversation was over.
I went upstairs to my room to google tickets' price when I heard the doorbell ringing. I frowned, checking time. Charlie and I weren't very communicative, and we didn't expect any visitors. We usually had no visitors, except for Charlie's assistant or his old friend Billie Black. Who was our unexpected guest?
I froze in my chair, listening to Dad's steps. To my surprise, after a short pause Charlie suddenly cried:
"Bella, can you go downstairs? It's for you."
"Who's that?" I whispered to Charlie, walking down the stairs. Dad had already returned to the living room and his baseball game.
"It's me, Bella," I heard a melodic voice. Of course, it wasn't difficult for Alice to hear my quiet whisper. I blushed. It looked stupid…
"Yeah, it's Alice, Bells," said Charlie without turning to me. "She needs to talk to you. It's important."
Alice was waiting for me in the corridor. It was raining outside, and small water drops glittered on her short raven hair. She didn't smile to me when I came closer. Bad sign.
"Something happened?" I asked without saying hello. The situation was uncomfortable, and I had no desire to continue it.
Alice wrinkled her nose.
"Yeah, somebody just broke my brother's heart," she answered, "but it's not why I'm here tonight."
I looked back at Charlie, checking if he was listening, but Dad was too focused on the game.
I turned back and sighed.
"So, what happened?"
"I've just seen a new vision of you going to Florida, so I think that you may need this."
I didn't notice when she opened her purse, took out some papers and offered them to me.
"What's that?" I asked, accepting them.
"Your tickets to Florida with open dates," Alice answered.
My eyes widened. I expected Alice to blame me for my conversation with Edward, and she brought me the tickets…
"I can't take it," I said, trying to return the tickets. "It's too much."
Alice shook her head.
"It's not. It's the least we can do for you," she paused a little. "Moreover, Carlisle and Esme brought you tickets on your 18th birthday. We knew that you hadn't used them… Let's think it's your second change to accept their gift."
After some hesitation, I surprised myself by taking the tickets back, and a few days later I was already walking along the beach with my Mom. We spent some time, talking about Renee's friends, her new hobbies and different parts of her life that I had missed. Luckily, I was a good listener; I nodded when it was necessary, and shook my head when Mom was talking about something that disappointed her. I was a good daughter. At least, I tried.
Mom, Phil and I had a dinner together, and after finishing with food I volunteered washing dishes. I still remembered that Renee hated it. Phil immediately offered his help, while Mom didn't even hide her delight when her phone rang. She didn't need to help us.
"It's Monica," Mom said, preparing to answer the phone. "I'm going to tell her about your arrival. Right now!"
I shook my head again, smiling. To be frank, I had no idea who was that Monica, but Mom's happiness made me feel happy too. Renee never changed.
When she left, silence filled the kitchen, and I relaxed a little. I had already got out the habit of living in a loud place like that. I forgot about constant heat. Unlike Renee, I changed a lot, and the difference between old and new Bella was significant.
I was washing dishes, Phil – drying it. He accepted my silence, giving me rest that I needed. That was so strange. To be frank, I didn't remember the moment when we spent time together.
"Renee is very glad to see you here," Phil noticed when we almost finished our work. "She missed you."
I wasn't sure about that. Renee loved me, but… everything had changed. For the first time Renee and Phil kept the room in their house for me, thinking that I would change my mind and decide to return to Florida, but a few years later Renee finally gave up, turning my room into a small gym.
Renee stopped waiting for me, and she barely really missed me. Still, I was glad to hear those words from Phil.
"She's so happy," I decided to compliment him on that. "And she seems to be fine… I'm glad that she has somebody who's taking care of her."
I didn't see Phil's face, but I knew that he smiled. We never discussed it, but he really did a great job by trying to turn my mom's life into a fairytale with a happy end. Phil was younger than Renee, too young, as I thought when we first met, but he was much wiser and elder emotionally than my mom.
It immediately reminded me of Edward. Our stories were becoming similar now. Edward looked younger than me, but his soul was old, and he was ready to sacrifice everything for me. Perhaps, it wasn't that bad…
Phil seemed have read my thoughts.
"Well, it's not that easy, you know," he answered. We finished with cleaning the kitchen, and I turned to Phil, meeting his gaze. "Relationship is like a game. While you're playing, the situation changes all the time. Somebody loses, somebody wins... Everything is possible! But, in the end, it doesn't matter..."
I frowned, waiting for his explanation. Phil smiled, and I saw new wrinkles painted on his bronzed face.
"The main thing is the final score. All what lies in the middle is only your way to success, and it works with family too. I can't say that our life is perfect… but who is perfect?"
I nodded. Phil was absolutely right. Nobody was perfect. We all do stupid things.
Charlie insisted on meeting me at the airport in Port Angeles. His main argument was that I didn't have my truck anymore, and he was the only person who could drive me home. The situation was repeating again, and I immediately recalled my first arrival in Forks and our awkward drive home in Chief's cruiser.
We were silent again, except for the fact that Dad turned on the radio. He frowned, listening to the latest news.
"What's wrong?" I asked. I didn't like Charlie's expression.
Dad sighed and shook his head.
"Serial murders, nor far from New York. Four dead in two weeks. That's disturbing. Hope that cops will find that bastards."
When I didn't reply, he continued the conversation.
"How's Florida?" Charlie asked, changing the subject. "How's Renee and Phil, are they all right?"
The conversation was a bit awkward for Charlie, but he really tried to make it sound normal.
"Everything is fine. Renee said hi. The weather was great..." I imagined a perfect blue sky, "Although, too hot for me."
Charlie nodded, satisfied with answer.
"That's why I don't like visiting Florida. I can't stand the heat. It's a living Hell, you know."
I smiled, but I didn't believe him. The heat wasn't the only reason why Charlie hated travelling. I'm sure he wouldn't go anywhere even if he was asked to see Greenland. My father was one of those people who felt comfortable in their small native town. Dad never dreamed about leaving. He had spent literally decades there, and never got bored. Changes weren't in his nature.
Funny, but Edward's proposal could bring so many changes into my life. I was wondering what Charlie was thinking about that.
"Dad, can I ask you about something?"
"Sure, Bells," Charlie turned off the radio, and awkward silence filled the car again. I felt anxious. "What do you want to ask?"
I wanted to ask your opinion about turning into vampire, Dad. That thought made me smile.
"What would you do if I decided to change?" I asked evasively. Of course, I couldn't tell Charlie the ugly truth.
Charlie frowned.
"What do you mean?"
I was trying to pick up words accurately.
"If I changed something… in my appearance, how would you react to that?"
Dad looked surprised.
"Well, I don't know what's going on inside of your head," he began to say, "but plastic surgery isn't a good idea. I'm sure you look fine, Bells…"
I smiled widely.
"Don't worry. I didn't mean plastic surgery when I asked about that. I'm not going to change myself so… radically."
Except for the fact that I had been dreaming of killing my own soul, Dad.
"Ok," Charlie had a big sigh of relief. "What are you talking about, then? Tattoos? Of course, it's nice that you're asking for my permission, but it's your body, and…"
I bit my tongue off or I would start laughing.
"No, it's not what I mean… I'm not planning to beat a tattoo soon, I promise," I let myself smile, hoping that it wouldn't disappoint Charlie.
Dad nodded, as if he really knew what I was trying to talk about.
"I just wanted to ask… What if I had change one day, would you accept the new me?"
That question didn't have to mean anything, and I turned to Charlie, waiting for his answer. I could see Dad thinking, I could see his mind working, like a big old-fashioned computer.
I didn't know what he was going to answer, but he totally shocked me when suddenly asked:
"Do you mean the Cullen epidemic?"
My face fell, my mouth agape. Did he know?
"Wh-hat... what are you talking about?" I really tried to sound confident, but my voice was shaking. "I don't understand."
Charlie sighed again, and his expression looked guilty.
"Well, Billie and I had a conversation quite recently," Dad turned red. "To be frank, he was very upset when I told him about your trip. He didn't like it, and… he reminded me of their old superstitions about the Cullens."
I recalled my old conversation with Jacob on the beach years ago. Oh, no. Did Billie tell Dad about vampires? I suddenly realized how dangerous it could be... Why didn't I think about that earlier, when I was dreaming about becoming a vampire?
"Did you believe him?" I asked. I needed to see how much Charlie knew.
"Of course, not!" he added immediately, perhaps, offended by my question. "I don't believe in fairytales. But you asked about changes, and I remembered about the Cullens too. They never change. That's… weird."
I nodded. Even if Charlie guessed about something, he preferred to ignore the truth. Supernatural wasn't for him.
We spent some time in silence, and that silence didn't sound that bad. I needed some time to think. Then Charlie continued the conversation.
"But if you want to know my opinion about changes, I'll always support you, Bells. You're my daughter. I love you no matter what."
I glanced back at Charlie. It was impossible to get that confession from Dad. He was too shy to show his emotions openly, and if Dad said it – it really meant a lot for him.
And it meant a lot or me too.
"Thank you," I whispered.
He nodded, pretending that nothing special happened.
We didn't speak after that. Dad was watching the road, and I was staring at him, examining his features. The idea of becoming a vampire sounded so silly now. How could I really dream about it? It was so stupid. Obsessed with Mr. Perfection, I became blind. I didn't think about my life and my future. I didn't have any plans. I didn't plan to go to college and didn't think about my future profession.
And I didn't think about my parents. How could I forget about Charlie? Our life wasn't perfect, but my Dad took care about me, and I felt that I needed to do the same in the future. I couldn't leave him. There was no point in accepting Edward's proposal. I had something to lose now…
Sometimes ordinary life could be more valuable that an immortal one.
That was the moment when I realized that I really grew up.
I was going to say no to Edward.
