Chapter 23 Blind spot

When I became a vampire, I thought I had already experienced everything. I fooled Death and went through horrible pain strong as hell. I buried my past and my feelings, hiding my soul in a cold package. I lost my heartbeat, and warmth, and human desires. I tasted human blood, becoming a monster. I lost one family and got another one; I stopped aging and stopped counting time.

But I had never been abandoned before. I was standing in the forest, watching Bella leave, and I was hopeless. Her silhouette was getting smaller, ready to disappear in a heavy green, but I still didn't dare to move. I shouldn't have felt anything, but I felt sorrow. I was dead, but pain was running through my veins, and I was almost ready to cry out, unable to keep my feelings inside.

What should I do now? I had no idea.

I gave her everything, including my silent heart, and it wasn't enough for Bella. I wasn't prepared for that. I was ready for only one answer. Alice's vision wasn't clear, but still…

I felt like I was a fooled angry child, and I didn't know how to run from it.

Run from it. Run

I turned and went deep into the woods, running as fast as I could. My speed was abnormal, horribly fast, it could possibly be dangerous, but I didn't care about anything. I was running ahead, trying to ignore any sound.

I wished I was deaf, and I'd never heard Bella's answer. I wished I was blind, and I didn't see her shock. I wished I stopped feeling anything, so I wouldn't be so unhappy. Yeah, feeling nothing – that would be perfect…

I almost reached the Canadian border when I noticed two blurred figures chasing me. Before I began running faster, trying to get rid of them, Emmett blocked my way; using that sudden pause as an advantage, Jasper caught my arm.

My family members were the last people I wanted to speak with right now.

"Let me go," I whispered angrily. I wasn't the child anymore.

"No way!" Emmett grinned. "Where are going, little brother?"

"Let me go," I repeated.

I was angry. I wanted to hurt them by saying that we weren't brothers, hoping that it would give me a slight change to leave. Jasper sighed immediately, noticing changes in my emotions, and his sigh meant something bad. A second – and he filled my head with vague fog. Jasper released me from my grief – he stole all my feelings and thoughts.

Great.

I pulled my hand out.

"It's unfair," I murmured.

"It's unfair to leave our parents without a proper explanation, sunshine," Emmett answered. "Don't you think it'll disappoint Carlisle and Esme?"

"It's silly, Edward," Jasper added. He completely agreed with Emmet. Of course, he did. "Running away is the wrong way to solve your problems."

But they didn't understand what had happened. They didn't understand anything…

"She left me," I said quietly, but I knew that they heard me. "I don't want to stay here."

Emmett chuckled, irritating me.

"Who told you that?" he asked in a happy voice as If nothing special happened.

"I'm not that stupid," I muttered. Emmet still didn't want to understand the reason for my grief.

"What did Bella say? She declined your offer?" Jasper asked.

He and Emmett exchanged looks, as if they were hiding something. It woke my anger again, breaking the misty fog created by Jasper.

"Haven't you already predicted that?" I asked sarcastically. "Alice must have seen everything."

Suddenly I got tired, tired of their care, tired of their love and their total control. I envied Bella now. She was free. I wasn't.

"Actually, Alice couldn't see it," Jasper answered evasively.

For a second I saw my sister's sad face, and then Jasper hid that image, blocking his mind from me.

I shook my head. How could it be possible?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hating myself for participating in that conversation. I knew what Emmet and Jasper were trying to do. They were to trying to make me change my mind and stay at home.

There was another worried look between Emmett and Jasper.

"We're trying to say that you can be wrong, Edward. Maybe, you just misunderstood Bella, that's all... What did she tell you?"

I sighed.

"Bella said that she needed some time to think," I said, giving up. There was no point in hiding secrets.

"And you have already come to your own conclusion? Awesome!" Emmet laughed again. Nothing could make him feel sad. "Your brains need to go on vacation, brother."

Did he want to light anger in me?

Jasper sensed my feelings again.

"We just want to say that her answer isn't necessarily bad. Bella didn't say "no"," he tried to comfort me.

"But she didn't say "yes" either. She has no answer… And I don't know what else I can offer," I confessed. "I was going to give her everything I have, and…"

I shrugged, giving up. I was miserable.

"Well, it doesn't mean that Bella doesn't choose you," Jasper noticed. "You offered her an eternity. It's different."

"Yeah, it's not that bad," Emmett continued Jasper's answer. "Even if Bella doesn't want to become a vampire, you still have ages trying to win her heart."

Emmett's idea sounded simple and elegant. I looked up and met his glance. Joy and quiet laugh were dancing inside of Emmet's golden eyes.

He grinned, noticing my expression.

"Need some time to think about that, huh?"

"Great. We can easily arrange that," Jasper stepped closer, and his silhouette looked bright in the darkness. "If you don't want to go home, we can go for a little walk. Just three of us… What do you think?"

"Yeah," Emmett said, making decision for all of us. "It's gonna be nice."

After some hesitation, I nodded. Probably, I really needed my brothers now.

"You mentioned something strange about Alice," I said after cooling down. We were making slow soundless steps ahead. It was getting darker there, but it didn't bother us. Vampire vision had never betrayed us.

"Yeah… Alice has a little problem", Emmet said first.

I looked into Jasper's thoughts and saw Alice's empty face. If she could cry, she would do that, definitely. Alice looked sorrowful, and it shocked me. My sister never gave up so easily.

"She has some problems with new visions," Jasper explained. He knew that I was watching his mind now, but didn't say anything against it.

Alice had problems with her visions? I frowned. Alice had never had problems with her gift.

"What do you mean?" I asked, worried now.

"Well, as you know, she couldn't predict Bella's answer. Plus, she didn't see that you would try to run away."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed with Jasper. "We just found you in time, that's all."

Jasper sighed.

"It seems like something deafens her visions," he added after a short pause.

Jasper looked worried. He tried to hide his concern, and I realized that he needed our little walk too. He didn't want Alice to see his anxiety. Jasper wanted to continue being strong for her, but he also needed help. It was the moment when I finally calmed down. I felt sorry for my silly behavior, but I was glad of the chance to spend time with my brothers. We were family, and I forgot about that.

Disappointed by Bella's answer, I forgot that I had never been alone.


I didn't hurry to talk to Edward about my decision. Instead of this I spend the rest of the day with Charlie. We ordered pizza and watched the game, or, to be correct, Dad watched it; I enjoyed silence and calmness which was unreal for Renee's lifestyle. Dad seemed to be pleased. It looked like he really missed me.

When Charlie went to work next morning, I pulled myself together and finally phoned Edward. Anxiety woke up in me, and I felt a bit nervous, thinking about an upcoming conversation. The only thought that calmed me down was the fact that Edward, likely, had already known my answer. He had Alice, and Alice knew everything, right?

The weather was good, and we agreed to meet at our meadow. I assured Edward that I was capable of going there by myself without getting any trauma. In the end, I had already visited the meadow when he left me.

The biggest part of my way was good, but it appeared to be that I was more optimistic than I really was. Passing through roots, I managed to stumble and fell on the ground, leaning on my hands and breaking my fall. Luckily, my palms were fine, but I seemed have got a leg strain.

Of course, Edward noticed that when I came out of the woods. By the time of my arrival he was measuring the meadow by feet. After giving me a short glance, Edward ran to me in a second.

"What happened?" he asked, examining my palms.

The cold of his arms didn't scare me at all. On the contrary, I felt like electricity was touching my fingers. It was exciting and almost intimate.

"It's nothing," I answered quickly. "I just fell, that's all. I'm fine."

Edward shook his head.

"Your palms are clear. I don't smell any blood," he murmured. "How's your leg?"

He had noticed that too. Of course, he did. I rolled my eyes.

"I feel a little uncomfortable… but that's okay," I hurried to say when Edward's eyes widened with shock. "I broke that leg in the past. Probably, it's just the memory of old pain…"

Edward sighed, recalling the ballet studio and the day when I broke my leg. Luckily, his sadness was short. A second – and a charming, comforting smile appeared on his face again. Edward tried to look normal, even if it wasn't in his nature.

"Do you want to sit down?"

I nodded, and Edward leaded me to the sunny part of the meadow. Edward had prepared that place, and I noticed a blanket on the grass. Edward was quiet, letting me enjoy his care, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed that he was watching my steps, as if trying to make his own diagnosis. Luckily, he didn't press me, trying to make me accept his help, and it was good. I thanked Edward for his care.

He sat near, and we were sitting in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sun. Funny, but it appeared to differ from the sun in Florida. Its heat wasn't that aggressive and strong, it didn't hurt my fragile skin, and it that was great.

Probably, I got used to Forks completely.

"You are tanned," Edward said suddenly in his velvet tone.

I opened my eyes. He was staring at me, and his stare was full of such care and joy that it melted my heart. I smiled, unable to resist his charm.

"Really?" I asked, examining my skin. To be frank, I merely noticed any difference.

Edward chuckled.

"Probably, it's a bit difficult for a human to notice that, but it's here. Tan suits you," he paused a little. "Did you have a good time in Florida?"

Suddenly I got a desire to share the news with him, and I told Edward everything that I could remember. He was listening to me attentively, adding new questions all the time. Some of them touched upon Renee and Phil, some of them sounded abstract. For example, Edward asked me what color I associated with Florida now.

"Brown," I answered. "It's a color of burning hot earth."

"It's your eye color," he added, smiling.

Edward always confused me by saying the words like that, like he adored me, like I was special.

"So, your trip was good," he summarized.

I nodded.

"Yes. It was nice to see Florida… and I had a lot to think about."

"And what did you decide?" Edward asked that question as if he hadn't known my answer yet, as if he had never had Alice who predicted the future.

I made a deep breath and looked in his deep golden eyes. I worried, but I needed to say my answer.

"You asked me about becoming a vampire," I began saying, "and I really dreamt about it when I was younger, but... I can't, Edward. Everything has changed. I can't make this decision now."

Edward didn't react to words, and I hurried to explain them.

"It's so complicated. I was obsessed with the idea of immortality, but now…" I shrugged. "It sounds so weird now. And I can't leave Charlie," the image of my Dad gave me some strength. "Yeah, I can't leave Charlie," I nodded. "Mom can survive without me, she has her own life, and she has Phil who will take care of her. But Dad… even if wanted to say "yes", I would have to leave Charlie. I know it's silly, but I can't leave Dad all alone here. Even if he finds somebody one day, he'll always worry about me. And I don't want him to grieve instead."

Edward nodded. He knew what I was trying to say. If I became a vampire, I had to leave Forks and fake my own death. It also meant that I had to lose Charlie, lose him forever, and I wasn't ready for that.

"I don't want to fool him," I added quietly. I suddenly heard light sorrow sounding in my voice. "And I want to see Charlie getting older. You were right when you asked me to take care of Charlie."

"And you did," Edward said. He looked away, pretending to examine the meadow. "You are a very good daughter. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Are you mad at me?" I asked carefully. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

Edward smiled and shook his head. Then he looked back at me, and I didn't see nor anger or sadness inside of his eyes. If he felt bad, he didn't show it anyhow.

"No. I have no right for that. It's your decision, and I respect it."

I nodded, feeling relieved.

"To be frank, I was preparing myself for that answer," he confessed. Edward paused at little, trying to find something in my eyes. "But can I ask you something?"

Did his voice tremble? I nodded.

"You refuse to become a vampire or it means something more? You don't want to see me at all?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "I mean, I was speaking about immortality... Everything else is great."

Edward's words scared me. I lost my past dreams, but I wasn't ready to say goodbye – even If I didn't want to think so. I wasn't ready to break the connection between me and Edward. Not here, not now…

Perhaps, I looked like someone who didn't know what he wanted.

Edward smiled, listening to my fast awkward answer, and my words made him so adorably happy that my heart melted.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I'm glad that you want to maintain our friendship. I want it too," he said.

I nodded. I was glad that we discussed it.

We spent a few minutes in a total silence, but that silence was calm and good. Edward was thinking about something. Finally, he looked me in the eye and continued the conversation.

"I was thinking about taking a little trip," Edward said. I turned to him, listening to every word. "I found out something about my human relatives, and I'm planning to visit Chicago, my native city. Do you wanna join me? As a friend," he said quickly, scared that I would change my mind if he mentioned something more. "It's just a little trip, that's all."

I didn't know what was that – improvisation or a smart physiological trick – but it felt like I had no choice. The proposal was fast, unexpected, and if somebody else asked it, I would, probably, refuse that offer. But it was Edward, and I had hurt him already, and I lost myself in his golden eyes now, so…

"Sounds great," I answered. It was less what I could do for him. "I'd be glad."

Edward smiled again, and he looked like a child who got a present at Christmas.


Edward told me a little about his plans on visiting Chicago. He said that the idea of travelling had been shaping inside of his mind for a very long time, but it became real only after my departure. I had to confess that I had done a little research about his past too. I didn't know how Edward would react to that, so I felt like a caught thief.

"I need to be candid too, then," Edward said, laughing. "To be frank, it was you who gave me that idea."

"Me?"

"Yes. I saw the copy of the document hidden inside of your books..." he pretended to look guilty. "I didn't want to meddle in your own business, but I was too curious... I apologize for that."

"It's okay," iIt was my fault. I needed to me more attentive.

"When you went to Florida, time stopped," Edward added, confusing me again. "And I returned to that idea. Alice saw me driving there, but at first I couldn't see it as a plan. Everything is getting clear now."

"And Alice sees the vision of you visiting Chicago with me?" I asked.

The smile vanished from Edward's face in a second. He shrugged.

"Probably... I don't know," to my surprise, Edward looked sad while explaining that to me. "Alice has some trouble with her visions now. It's some kind of… blind spot."

I frowned. What?

"Blind spot?"

Edward shrugged again.

"Somebody or something is blocking her visions, but she still watches the future time after time. For example, Alice saw you planning to go to Florida and predicted your return, but everything else looked too hazy. Alice is very upset. She doesn't like to live without her gift. The situation is driving her crazy. She is going bonkers."

That's why Edward looked so innocent – he didn't really know what I was going to answer. That was weird. I got used to the fact that Alice knew everything.

"What do you think it can be? Can anybody do it on purpose?"

"We don't know," Edward confessed. "We can't define the nature of these changes. Anyway, we can't trust Alice's visions now - they are too unstable."

I nodded, feeling deeply sorry for Alice. Who knew that such thing could ever happen?


We were talking about Alice's problem without knowing that we would figure out the truth very soon. After giving me another worried look, Edward suggested me to go to Carlisle so he could examine my leg. I agreed 'cause I knew that the situation could get worse. I was luckless, and if I sustained an injury, it was always serious.

"You're really grown up," Edward said, giving me his hand. "You would give me another answer seven years ago… And you'd never agree to go to hospital willingly."

What was that, a compliment?

Edward helped me get up.

"You grew up too," I answered, smiling. "To be frank, I didn't know how you'd react to my answer."

It seemed like we both were changing.

Edward chuckled.

"Well, I cannot say it's my achievement. My brothers helped me a lot," he confessed.

Edward didn't explain how Emmet and Jasper actually helped him, and I didn't ask about it. Perhaps, it was too much.

"You have a great family," I said instead.

"You too," Edward said back. I smiled. I was happy to have Charlie.

Edward carried me to the road; his car was already there, waiting for us. When I asked if Alice predicted that we might the car, Edward shook his head.

"No, it was me," he explained. "I parked the car in the case if you'd need something. I can't stop worrying about it."

While driving the car, Edward phoned Carlisle, but he didn't pick up; his assistant told him that Dr. Cullen was busy at the moment – he was examining "a very important patient".

"I didn't know that Forks may have important patients. It's too small," he murmured.

I was wondering who it might be. Edward was right – Forks was too small, and only some serious case could busy Carlisle.

The road didn't take much time. The parking lot was almost empty, except for Carlisle's car and the truck that looked quite familiar to me. After getting inside we went to the reception desk. It was empty there, and, while waiting for the nurse, Edward gave an attentive look to the news on TV. I joined him, watching the message about a new crime in New York. I wasn't surprised – the crime seemed to be ordinary, and Edward's interest looked weird.

I wanted to ask what bothered him, but he had already turned away. Edward was talking to the returned nurse, asking her about his Dad. The nurse, a middle-aged woman with long grey hair, also mentioned that Carlisle was busy, but assured us that Dr. Cullen would be free in a few minutes.

At that moment the door opened behind us, and I heard:

"Bella?"

I turned and saw Jacob Black who was smiling to me. Right. It was his car parked there, but what Jake was doing at the hospital?

Jacob closed the door and came closer to us. He shook hands with Edward quickly, and then Edward returned to the conversation with the nurse - or just pretended to do it. I guessed what Edward was doing. He wanted to give us some privacy, and, to be frank, I was grateful for that.

Jake and I hugged.

"What happened?"

I was glad to see Jacob, but it was the wrong place for our reunion.

Jake grinned.

"Same question. Stumbled again, huh, Bella?"

"Yes," I didn't intend to hide the truth. "Nothing serious, but I wanted to make sure. What's about you? Something happened?"

I looked at Jacob from head to toe, but didn't notice anything.

Jake smiled nervously. He looked suddenly guilty.

"It's not me. It's Jane, my girlfriend… We're kind of pregnant, you know."

My eyes widened with shock. When did I miss that?

Jake laughed, watching my expression.

"Yeah, you should have visited us more often," my surprise seemed have entertained him.

"Right."

Jake's news was unexpected, but good. I was shocked, but it was a good shock. I just needed some time to get used to that news.

"So, how's… Jane? Is she alright?"

Jake turned to the door again, and I guessed that Jake's girlfriend was talking to Carlisle now – she was his special client.

"We're not sure yet. The results of the tests were a bit strange, and we made a decision to see the Doc. My Dad was against it – he's still so superstitious – but Dr. Cullen is the best doctor we can find. We decided to talk to him first."

The door opened again, and I saw a short brown-haired girl. She seemed to be younger than Jake. Jane looked worried, but Carlisle was trying to calm her down. He even touched her shoulder slightly, as if trying to support her. Jane was so distracted that she didn't notice his cold.

"Sorry, I need to go. See you!" Jake whispered. After noticing his girlfriend Jacob's expression changed. He did everything trying to keep calmness in her presence. I smiled. Now that guy turned into Jake I had always known.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice sounded too close. I gave a start.

"Sorry," Edward added in his velvet voice. "I didn't mean to scare you, but Carlisle is ready to examine you now…"

He was right. Dr. Cullen was standing in front of us, smiling. He looked tired. He was thirsty, but too busy for hunting.

"How can I help you, Bella?" he asked, and I heard kindness in his tone.

I smiled involuntarily.

When I explained what had happened to me, Dr. Cullen leaded me to examination room. Edward went with us and sat on the near bed, hiding from us with medical curtains.

Carlisle looked worried or, better say, tensed, while examining my leg. At first I didn't realize what was going on, but Edward remained silent for a minute or two, and I guessed that he and Carlisle and were having some private conversation.

"Something wrong?" I asked, breaking that awkward silence between us.

Carlisle looked me in the eye and smiled.

"You noticed, right? Perhaps, I look a bit absent-minded today," he confessed.

I smiled back.

"Well, you are right," Dr. Cullen made no secret of his condition. "I have a very interesting thought in my head, and I think that it'll be better for Edward to know it too… It doesn't concern your leg, if that's your question. It's alright, by the way. You just need some rest."

Carlisle smiled again, politely, as a real doctor, not like an old friend. He made a step away while I was getting dressed.

"Actually, Bella can help you with that," said Edward. He got up from his bed and pulled the curtains away.

"Help with what?" I asked, curious too.

Carlisle gave me an examining look.

"I saw you speaking with Jacob Black in the corridor," he began saying. "You know him well, right?"

"Right. My Dad is very friendly with Jake's father, Billy. They're old friends."

Carlisle nodded too.

"Did he tell you the reason for visiting the hospital?"

"Yes," I answered. "He saidthat his girlfriend is pregnant. Jake worried about something…" I frowned, recalling Jacob's expression. "He said that they went here despite Billy's disapproval."

"Do you know why Billy disapproves it?" Edward asked.

"Well, I think it's because of old Quileute legends," I said, recalling my old conversation with Jake again. "It was Jake who first told me the truth about… you."

Carlisle nodded.

"And he was absolutely right. But what do you think about the part of the legend that concerns Jacob's forefathers?"

"Well, I don't think they're immortal," I said, smiling.

Carlisle and Edward laughed.

"Of course, theyare not," said Carlisle. "But what do you think about supernatural part of that legend?"

What was he talking about? I tired to recall my conversation with Jacob again. He said that his forefathers were the descendants from wolves, but…

My eyes widened with shock.

"Are you kidding me?"

Jake couldn't be the part of supernatural world. He was just Jacob. My Jacob who tried to wake me up after Edward's departure. He was just a nice guy, coarse sometimes, but always kind inside, and he couldn't be… a big dangerous dog or something like that.

To my surprise, the Cullens laughed again.

"You need some time to get used to that. Still, you react very well to the news," Carlisle complimented me.

Really? Perhaps, it's because I was too shocked.

"How does it concern Jake's girlfriend?" I asked. They hadn't explained everything to me yet. "Is she…"

Carlisle caught my thought and shook his head.

"No. But Jacob is the descendant of the tribal elder, and he still keeps the genetic of his great-granfather."

"You mean , the magical part of it? He's a real werew…"

Damn, I couldn't even pronounce that aloud.

"Not exactly. We were the last vampire coven the tribe met, and after our departure their ability to shape shift stopped being useful. The Quileute's stopped turning into wolves, and that skill diminished. The tribe moved on, and werewolves became part of old legends, just like us, although their descendants saved their gift in their genetic structure. When Jake was born, this skill was unnecessary, but now, after our returning, it's going to wake up again…"

At first I didn't get what he was talking about, but then I realized the truth.

"Do you want to say that Jake's child can be… a werewolf?"

Carlisle nodded. He looked so calm just like we were talking about the weather.

"Tests show it clearly," he said. "It was too late for Jacob to use this skill but his child will certainly become a werewolf one day. I'm quite sure about that."

I made a deep breath, trying to accept Carlisle's words.

"Did you tell them about it?" I asked.

Jake didn't look shocked when we met.

Dr. Cullen shook his head.

"Not yet. I'm not the one who should speak with Jacob about the history of his people."

"That's why we need your help, Bella," Edward interfered. "Carlisle is planning to talk to Billiy I'm sure that we can find his address and phone number, but I think you know it already."

Of course, I knew it.

"No problem," I said. "But… do you think Billy is ready to speak about it too?"

I imagined Billy sitting in his wheelchair. He was still strong, and, unlike young generation, still carried the Quileute history. He still considered Carlisle to be his enemy, and their conversation didn't sound like a good idea.

"I don't know, but I need to try," Carlisle answered in his calm comforting voice. If he saw the problem, he was ready to face it. Carlisle looked so young, and it fooled me again. I forgot how wise and old he really was.

Edward sighed.

"The conversation is going to be complicated. Billy is still very alert. I wish Alice could predict that… "

"I've started to miss her gift," Carlisle confessed. "But something keeps blocking her visions, and this power is getting stronger."

Carlisle kept talking, and a few images mixed inside of my head. The tribe. The forest. The Cullens wearing weird old-fashioned clothes. Blood. The tribe's elder who looks like Jacob. Anger. Conflict. The child. The wolf…

"What if the child is doing all that?" I asked. "I mean, it's getting stronger every day, right? Alice started to have problems with her visions after Jake's girlfriend got pregnant. Maybe, it's some kind of… wolf protection, of something like that."

Edward and Carlisle exchanged looks.

"Well," Carlisle said at last, returning to me, "We have never considered this version."

Edward supported my idea.

"It can be possible," he said, his tone serious. "You need to speak with Billy as soon as possible. Maybe, he knows something about that."

Carlisle nodded. His conversation with Billy was going to be very difficult.