Chapter 24 Understanding
Edward drove me home while Carlisle phoned Billy to arrange their meeting. We all were tensed because of that, and even Edward lost his confidence. He was squeezing the wheel, focusing his attention on the road, but I knew that Edward saw nothing except for his father's face at the moment.
Billy surprised us all by arranging the immediate meeting in the reservation. I found it out by chance from Charlie. He and Billy were planning to go fishing next day, and when Dad phoned him after the dinner, Billy finished the conversation quickly without giving Dad any proper explanation. Charlie was offended.
"Billy has never spoken to me like that. It's weird," he complained, throwing the phone on the sofa. "I'm wondering what could make him behave like that."
After hearing it, my pulse quickened, and I felt how blood rushed to my cheeks. I knew the reason for Billy's strange behavior…
I went upstairs as fast as possible and called Edward.
"My Dad has just phoned Billy, but he doesn't want to speak with him right now. Is Carlisle with him?" I asked.
"Yes," I heard Edward's velvet voice. "Dad went to the reservation right from the hospital."
I bit my lip.
"Do you think Billy knows everything?" I asked the question that bothered me the most.
"I don't know, but it looks like Billy has been expecting something like that. Carlisle didn't want to explain everything on the phone, but Mr. Black appeared to be brave enough to invite him right to the reservation. We think that Billy suspects a lot. Maybe, he has already guessed what the future brings to Jacob's child."
"Does Alice see anything? Can she see how the conversation is going on?"
I hoped that Carlisle's presence in the reservation would change something.
Edward sighed.
"No. Still nothing… Let's hope that everything will be all right."
I nodded, even if Edward didn't see my nod. Hope was all what he had at that moment.
Carlisle and Billy had talked for a few hours. To our surprise, they managed to keep conversation with respect and true diplomacy. Carlisle told Billy the news about his grandchild. Billy confessed that he guessed about that, but he was happy to hear the confirmation. Billy seemed to be glad that Dr. Cullen helped him with that. In the end, Carlisle kept hiding the tribe secret, and that was precious for such a person like Billy Black.
Carlisle also asked Billy about the child's influence on Alice's visions. Black confessed that their legends didn't contain any information that concerned that topic, but the tribe didn't face such talented vampires before; they were just legends, after all. After talking about that Carlisle and Billy came to conclusion that the child might cause Alice's blindness.
That information meant something important, something that nobody dared to speak aloud. It meant that the Cullens had to leave Forks, sooner or later. The child was growing, and Alice was blind whilel she stayed there. Moreover, Jake's child wouldn't the only werewolf in the tribe. His child would be the first one, but what was going to happen in a few years? Nobody spoke about that, at least, in my presence, but I saw tension that was flying in the air. Next days became difficult, and I guessed that the Cullens were trying to make a common decision about their future. To be frank, I didn't know what to think about that. Perhaps, I needed to hurry and prepare myself for saying goodbye to them…
To be frank, I felt hopeless and scared.
The only one thing that remained clear was our upcoming travel to Chicago. Maybe, that was Edward's way to fight stress; he became obsessed with that idea, trying to plan every little detail. His preparation drew the attention away from dark thoughts, and I didn't notice the moment when I started waiting for our little journey too.
Whatever was going to happen to us in the future, Edward and I were going to see Chicago first.
We still had some very important thing to do, something I wanted to do before leaving, so I phoned Angela and asked her if I could visit her and her kids. Despite a long pause in our friendship, Angela seemed to be glad to hear from me. Having heard my friend's voice, I felt shame that I hadn't phoned Angela earlier. She was one of few people who really cared about me. It's so sad that I forgot about it while I was too busy with pitying myself.
Alice volunteered to drive me to Angela's house; she also needed to present the gifts she had brought with me in Port Angeles.
I had never seen Alice looking so terrible. She was constantly rubbing her temples as if she had headache. Could vampires actually have a headache?
"How are you feeling?" I asked carefully, giving her a quick glance. I was afraid to ask too many questions, but I truly worried about her. Alice was my friend, even if she irritated me sometimes.
Alice sighed. The circles under her eyes got darker since the last time I saw her.
"If you're worrying about the road, it's fine," she said, without watching the highway. "We won't get into car accident."
"Actually, I'm worrying about you," I noticed, sighing. "What's about your visions? Still nothing?"
Alice's lips trembled. She began breathing fast, just like she was suffocating.
"You can't even imagine how it's killing me, Bella. I'm so tired! And I hate being blind. I'm so… so…" she lost all her confidence "…useless."
Having felt a sudden uncontrollable feeling, I held out my hand and squeezed Alice's palm. Its cold didn't scare me at all.
"You're not useless," I said in a soft voice. "Your gift is not the reason for loving you. We all love you as you are, not because of your talent. I hope that you know it."
Alice sighed.
"I do… Esme said that she would love me even if I was deaf and blind, but… I feel so incomplete without my gift. I had my visions since my awakening as a vampire. It saved my life hundreds of times. Prediction of the future is my second skin. Using my visions, I found Jasper, and later we found Carlisle. My visions always kept me balanced, and I knew that I wouldn't be alone. How can I live without my visions now?!"
"Did you speak about that with the others?" I asked. "Do you have any idea of solving this problem?"
Alice gave me worried anxious look.
"We have one idea," she said after a pause, "but if I tell you, you won't like it… And Edward will definitely kill me if I do."
I glanced back at Alice. Was she going to say goodbye to me? Unfortunately, I didn't have chance to ask about that. Before I began talking, Alice interrupted my silent thoughts and said:
"We're here. Let's get out of the car. Angela must be waiting for you."
Old Alice's prediction about Angela's shock appeared to be right. She was so surprised to see Alice at the porch of her house that let go Alice inside without any hesitation. Using that awkward moment as an advantage, Edward's sister presented Angela a big package with colorful toys for her kids. As planned, our friend was too shocked to say no. Alice vanished into thin air before Angela realized what was going on. It wasn't difficult to find a reason for such a sudden leaving. Alice looked terrible, and even Angela noticed that.
I gave Angela my gift and then played a little with her elder son, Henry. I didn't remember the last time I saw him, so he seemed have grown in a day in my eyes.
"He's so wonderful," I confessed when Henry showed me some of his drawings. "And he changes so fast!"
I couldn't imagine that I was a child too once. I always felt like I was grown up all the time. At least, Renee used to say so.
"He is!" Angela laughed, half-turning to me, while we were going upstairs. "It's strange to me too. Henry and I spend every day together, but I still can't get used to the fact that he is changing constantly. He grows too fast."
I smiled. In parent's eyes we would always be kids, and Angela was the real proof of that theory.
While my communication with Henry was quite easy, meeting with a newborn child was a more difficult task. Angela's daughter, Stephenie, looked adorable, but I had no idea how to take care of newborn kids. I was too scared. When Angela suggested me take Stephenie in my arms, I almost panicked. I was so scared to do something wrong, just like Angela's child wasn't a child, it was a small perfect doll, and I was afraid to break it.
"Alice looked tired today," Angela noticed, taking her daughter back from me.
I was relieved to know that I didn't break her. It was silly. I know.
"Yeah," I answered, trying to make my voice sound confident. I needed to remember about the Cullens' main secret. "But I'm sure there's nothing serious about that. Alice just needs some rest, that's all."
"But she still looks fine, right?" Angela said with a short laugh. "Alice hadn't changed much since the last day I saw her. Just like Dr. Cullen… I wish we all would be so lucky."
I smiled politely. No, Angela, you wouldn't like to be that lucky…
"It's a bit strange, you know," Angela added, looking out of the window. Stephenie was lying in her crib. She fell asleep. "But it's not our business, of course."
Angela was always smart – she was attentive and, obviously, Angela couldn't ignore the fact that the Cullens didn't get older. I had expected something like that – at least, I was persuading myself that I was prepared for everything – but Angela's words made me love her even more. Unlike other Forks citizens, Angela remained polite and reliable; she was like the mirror that showed the reflection, but didn't add anything in addition to the main picture.
Angela was one of the reasons why my life in Forks wasn't that bad.
"I'm talking to the Cullens again," I said suddenly, looking at Angela.
Perhaps, she was the friend I needed right now. Maybe, she was the friend who could give me a good honest answer, a proper advice. Maybe, she was the friend I had been waiting for so long.
She smiled, noticing my anxious look.
"You mean, with Edward?"
I bit my lip.
"Is that bad?"
Angela shrugged.
"No, not at all… Does it concern you?"
I sighed again.
"I don't know," I confessed. I felt that I could trust Angela. "When Edward and I were dating, I was obsessed with him. And now… It feels different now. The obsession is gone, and I'm… lost. It seems like I'm trying to fool everybody…"
"…including you?" Angela asked with a new kind smile.
I nodded. That's exactly what I was trying to say.
"Do you still like Edward?" she asked.
I paused a little.
"Yes, I think so," I said at last. "At first I was angry, but then all my anger had gone. I still have feelings for him, but they taste different… and I'm afraid that I can't let him go."
Angela nodded. She didn't laugh at me, and it was good.
"Well, maybe, you just need to see the situation from another standpoint?" she suggested. "Love is a complicated thing. My love for Ben was pure emotion in the beginning, but… Every year brings something new, you know? We're getting older, we have conflicts sometimes, and our love changes too. Well," Angela shrugged again, looking embarrassed, "I'm very lucky to be marred to my best friend. Ben isn't only my lover: he's the one who knows me the best. Maybe, you need to see Edward as friend again. Maybe, it'll help you to understand what to do next."
I nodded, thanking Angela for her words. Her advice was simple, but good. It felt like Angela helped me get out from the darkness, she showed me my way, and I just needed to do the next step.
After spending a couple of hours in Angela's company, I hurried to go home. Angela gave me a tight hug on the porch of the house, saying goodbye.
"Thanks for inviting me. I'm so glad to see you and your kids. They are very lovely," I whispered.
Angela gave me a warm kind glance. She smiled, and small wrinkles appeared near her eyes.
"Thanks for your visit. I missed you."
"I missed you too," I said honestly, suddenly moved to tears. "We need to see each other more often."
"Agree," Angela's final smile was sincere. "I'll be glad."
My heart was squeezing with strange, unexpected pain. I didn't know why that goodbye was so difficult.
Edward was standing near the car, waiting for me. He waved to Angela and then smiled at me.
"Hi," I said, smiling back.
"Hi. Did you have a good time with Angela?"
I smiled. Edward's question meant that he didn't read Angela's mind and knew nothing about our small conversation. Edward must have parked there a few minutes ago.
He opened the door for me so I could get into the car.
"How's your hunting trip?" I asked back. "Is everything all right?"
Edward, Rosalie and Carlisle went hunting at night. That was the main reason why Alice drove me to Angela's house in the morning.
Edward closed the door, passed round the car and got into the driver's seat.
"Nothing special," he started the engine, and a quite rumble filled inside of the car. "Rosalie was a bit irritating, but she's always like that."
I smiled politely.
"I thought you've learned to be patient."
Edward turned to me.
"I'm always patient."
I didn't know what exactly he meant right now. It reminded me of my conversation with Angela, which Edward, luckily, missed. I needed to make the first step ahead.
"Do you have any plans for tonight?" I asked after a pause.
Edward frowned and met my eyes as if trying to read me.
"No. Why do you ask?"
I shrugged.
"We could have a walk… or just talk a little," I suggested. I had no plan. I was improvising.
My suggestion seemed have surprised Edward, but he smiled back.
"Talk about what?"
I shrugged again.
"I don't know… but I like to listen to you. I bet you have a lot of wonderful stories I haven't heard yet."
Edward laughed.
"Of course, I have. I'm one hundred years old, Bella. I'm an old man. Stories are the only luggage I have. What do you want to hear?"
We agreed to meet again in the late evening, and after Charlie went to his room and fell asleep, Edward came to my room through the window. We sat on my bed, leaning on the headboard, and began talking. Soon I changed the course of the conversation and started to ask Edward about his past and his university studies. He had a lot of stories to tell, and I really enjoyed listening to him.
I was so focused on his voice that looked a bit strange. Edward noticed that.
"What?" he asked, smiling.
Edward was too close, and I was almost drunk by his smell.
"Nothing," I shook my head slightly. "You know so much. I forgot about that."
Edward smiled again.
"Well, you can learn a lot too. It's not too late, you know."
At first I didn't get what he was talking about.
"What do you mean?"
Edward shrugged too.
"You still have time to get a profession. It's not too late."
I chuckled.
"I can't affort it… And I don't think that it's as easy as it sounds."
There came Edward's turn to laugh.
"Well, I can give you money… or lend it, if you like," he added. "It's a trifle for us, but, using our money, you can really become somebody new. Leave Forks. Start a new life."
"I don't want to leave Charlie," I answered quickly. Edward's words scared me.
He nodded.
"I understand. And I remember what you have said to me… but we were talking about eternity at that time, right? Studying is not such a big deal," Edward paused a little, looking away and breaking eye contact. Then he shook his head and returned to me, smiling again. "I have already said that, but I want to take care of you, Bella, and if you need my help one day, I'll be there to help you."
I looked at him again. Edward looked different in my eyes now: he looked more mature, more serious, more precise. Angela's advice was really good, and it was worthy to invite Edward to a little talk. Staring at Edward, I realized that my feelings for him were still there, even if they were different now. But it didn't matter anymore. Edward was there, he cared about me, he was ready to give me the future I had never dreamt to have, and he was my friend, the one who knew everything about me.
I thought that I died when I grew up. I was wrong. Edward and I – we both died, like Romeo and Juliet, like all classic characters whose love was saved in books. But there was a new us now, new Bella and Edward, and, probably, our future could bring something truly special.
It was the moment when I realized that I would never let Edward leave again. I was too selfish.
"I'm glad that we're going to see Chicago. I can't wait to see it," I said, smiling to him.
Edward chuckled and touched my cheek softly.
"It'll be an unforgettable travel, I swear."
