It was now September, months since Deeks had unofficially proposed. He woke up early in the morning. "I have some training To get done, I'll catch up with u at work later on ok."
"What kind of training?" Kensi eyed him questioning his excuse for being up hours before they had to be in the office.
"If you must know, I'm training for a triathalon," he lied.
"Whatever, I'm going back to sleep."
"Sleep well princess," he whispered as she waved him away to return to her slumber.
Deeks in fact was on his own mission. He contacted an old informant who had an amazing selection of diamonds. A ring to ask the love of his life to marry him, with two diamonds side by side as a representation of their partnership, friendship and love. He purchased the ring and head on his way to work.
Shake ups galore we're surrounding them. Another possible mole, another retirement threat by Hetty, Dugan trying to move everyone around. Life at NCIS was uncertain. Deeks still thought about there conversation from months ago about kids.
"Maybe the universe is telling us it's time to move on to the next chapter of our life."
Kensi wasn't sure if she was ready for kids yet. The last few months with Aiden's school being under attack and the threats, she backtracked a bit on bringing a child of her own into this world. Protecting other people was all she knew, but she knew the world was dangerous and wasn't sure she wanted to do that yet.
Deeks on the other hand was becoming more and more keen on the idea. He was ready to make Kensi his wife and bring a whole new set of adventures into theirs lives. He was unsure exactly what they'd do, but whatever it was he wanted to do it with her.
While they were driving back to the boat shed, Deeks brought the subject up again.
"What changed?" He asked, "just six months ago I thought you were more ready. That magazine you bought?"
"That day happened then with the kids. Sam's kids are always in danger from the terrorists we put away, they went after Aiden in his school, I don't know. I guess I'm not sure the time is right."
"I understand that."
"Plus, I'd like to be married and have an official proposal before we actually have kids."
"Fair enough." He put the conversation on hold for the time being.
Deeks' luck with the ring was short lived as he had to swallow it and wait for it to be expelled from his body. When it was safely recovered he planned to get it on Kensi's finger as soon as possible.
That plan wasn't going to be anytime soon, as a high value target was spotted in Syria. The team was sent on a mission to retrieve the terrorist Asakeem. This was a dangerous mission, but as always the team was prepared to do what they needed. The mission seemingly went off without a hitch. However, while the helicopter was in the air, a rocket launcher took it down with one strike. The helicopter twirled to the ground, splitting in half sending wreckage everywhere. Sam and Callen were in one piece of the broken aircraft, calling to the junior partners they realized Kensi was trapped under a large part of wreckage. She was awake but stuck. Deeks was unwilling to rest even though he had no boots on and was dizzy from hitting his head. Sam ordered him to sit next to Kensi. Deeks couldn't think straight. The love of his life was stuck under this damn heap of metal and all he could do was sit next to her and hope they could devise a plan to get her home as he promised. His stomach turned in knots. He wanted to vomit. He couldn't cry because they had too much work to do. His heart hurt. He felt empty as he felt her slipping away. There was an urgency in Sam's voice to free her and get her to surgery. With the help of OPS back home, they were able to get picked up and get her to the surgery she desperately needed. They wouldn't let Deeks fly with her and Sam and Callen assured him she would be home before they would. Deeks showered and got changed with some clothes on the Naval base. They had to wait until morning to head home. Deeks paced in his Assigned area back and forth. He needed information on her MRI and CT scan.
"You need to eat something," Sam brought him a plate of food.
"I'm not hungry, Sam."
"Listen Deeks, she's in good hands. You'll be with her soon."
"I need to be with her now."
"I know brother, but you can't."
Deeks finally sat on his cot. "I don't know know how to do this Sam. Tell me what to do."
Sam could see the devastation in his teammates' deep blue eyes. He could see the tears struggling not to fall.
"Get some rest. Be strong for her. We're all here for you both."
"I love her so much,"
"I know, and for whatever reason she loves you just as much," Sam's teasing brought a small smile to Deeks' face.
Callen arrived at the door to check on Deeks as well. "Granger pulled some strings, he's got a private jet taking You home tonight, Sam and I will leave tomorrow as planned."
"Thank you," was all he could say. The entire flight home all that consumed him was their earlier conversation. If she had just agreed to leave NCIS, they may not have went to Syria. Although, Sam and Callen May have without them and the mission would have probably faired much worse. He would have Kensi in one piece though, he thought. There was so much he wanted to do with her. What if those dreams went down in flames, like the helicopter. Could he be strong enough. He didn't have any answers to the questions in his head. He fell asleep restlessly, hoping it would make the time go by faster.
Kensi had been transferred to the VA hospital near their house. His flight landed and he headed straight there. The doctors informed him she was still in a coma and couldn't predict for how long. They needed her to wake before giving a definitive answer on recovery time frame. It was going to be a long road. Julia wanted to stay at the hospital with her daughter so, He kissed her forehead and went home. He tossed and turned all night, but had agreed to go to work the next day, he needed sleep. He wanted her to wake up. He wanted to be there when she did. He didn't want her to go through this alone.
The next morning before work, he headed back up to the hospital. There was still no change in her condition. Deeks felt helpless. He went to work and tried to stay strong. It was wearing on him. He went back to the hospital and officially proposed the most romantic proposal, even if she wasn't conscious to hear or answer. He slept at the hospital when Kensi's mom didn't. He went back and forth from work to there every day. Every moment he wasn't working, he was by Her side.
Three weeks past and Kensi hadn't woke up. Again, Deeks by her bedside just talking to her about what they could do with an extra room in their house. "A Mancave, if you don't respond that's a yes, how bout a nursery If we if we ever have kids"
She stirred and after nearly a month she finally was awake. Deeks was overjoyed and trying to comfort a distraught Kensi. She couldn't squeeze with her left hand. Deeks knew her recovery was just beginning and he hoped he could be the man she needed.
Kensi began therapy and met a man named Sullivan. Deeks trying to be positive about it was encouraging of their friendship at first. Deep down he was hurting that he couldn't provide the comfort another man was giving her. Sullivan was encouraging her to be stronger, when Deeks did, she was negative and shot him down. He tried to propose again, but she wanted nothing to do with it yet. She wasn't going to trap him in a life of misery. What she didn't know was that living without her would be a life of misery for him. The weeks she was in the coma haunted him. He couldn't imagine his world without her. He made sure to let her know.
"Just go home Deeks! You don't have to be here every night."
"I don't have to, but I want to. Plus I've stayed the last two at home. And the doctor said if you keep your progress going you can come home next week."
Kensi sighed. She desperately wanted to go home but she was scared to. She was afraid she would hinder Deeks. She couldn't do the things they loved to do together anymore. At least not yet.
"Don't you want to come home? Sleep in your own bed. Monty misses you terribly."
Kensi was quiet.
"Baby?"
Kensi shrugged.
"You'd rather stay here with that Sullivan."
Kensi glared at him. "Are you serious right now?"
"I don't know Kens. I'm trying. I want to be here for you but you won't let me. Maybe I'm not what you want anymore. You can relate to him, I get that, but it hurts." He looked down at the ground. "Maybe you're right, I should probably go home." He walked over to kiss her forehead, but she turned her head. "Ok, I'll come by in the morning."
"Don't bother," she huffed.
Deeks' first instinct was to go to a bar and get drunk and forget their fight. His heart overtook that theory knowing it would make things worse. He went home to his empty bed. He shouldn't have said the things he did, but he was hurt. He knew this wasn't easy for her. But it wasn't easy for him either. He couldn't ask her to comfort him when she was the one who needed comforting more. He just wish she wasn't being comforted by another man. He tried to sleep but his eyes wouldn't stay shut. He took a shower to relieve his tension. When he was done, he got dressed and went back to the hospital. The hell if he was going to give up this woman without a fight. Granger had told him, the only way he'd fail her is if he gave up. So he wasn't giving up. He arrived back, she was sound asleep, most likely from the pain meds. She was only taking them at night, so she could be fully rested. He grabbed a blanket and pillow and set up his make shift bed on the couch.
When kensi woke up, her boyfriend was there. She was a little relieved. She hated fighting, she loved him even if she wasn't showing it right now. The doctor came in.
"Good morning, so Kensi, if you promise to keep up your ADL exercises, you can go home earlier than planned, how bout this evening."
Kensi's eyes lit up as did Deeks'. "I'll make sure she does Doc. Thank you for everything."
"I just watched over her, she did this. You have an amazing will Kensi."
Kensi smiles feeling encouraged.
"I'll pick you up after work with some yummy yummy heart attack."
Kensi nodded. "Sounds good."
She again spent they day with Sullivan. It started to feel like he was hitting on her a little, but she shook it off to Deeks' insecurities accusing her of not wanting to go home because of another man. She did enjoy his company why the recovered. They bonded over their therapy, but she could never love anyone as she loved Deeks.
He picked her up as promised with delicious food. They went home and ate.
"Checkers?" He smiled.
"I'm not really in the mood for a game Deeks."
"Doctors orders. You promised remember."
She reluctantly agreed but was having difficulty lifting the pieces. Deeks again brought up Sullivan against his better judgement.
"You jealous, your a little jealous," she smiled not so angry this time.
"I was just curious," he responded. The fact was he was insanely jealous. He hated that this man got to share so much of Kensi's time. He made Kensi entwine her fingers with his and reminded her it had only been two of Six months through her recovery.
"You're doing amazing. Better than even the doctors thought."
"I am" she said with confidence after a despondent feeling of never coming back just a few short minutes ago.
Deeks was having a hard time with her ups and downs, but he tried to never let it show. He stayed supportive With every mood.
"I'm sorry I'm still being difficult sometimes," she said softly.
"It's ok. It's better than watching you lie in the bed unresponsive."
"How are you doing. I forget this is just as hard on you."
"Me, I'm good. This is nothing."
"Deeks."
"Kensi, this about you, not me. Getting you 100% is all I care about."
"Ok," she stopped not wanting to fight or push him to open up about what he was going through.
"I'm glad to have you home."
"You're just glad I'm away from Sullivan," she joked. He couldn't hide the fact that she was correct in that assumption. "I love you," she spoke softly to him. "And only you. You've been my rock through this ordeal, even if I haven't shown it."
He was happy she said that. He needed the reassurance.
When they woke up in the morning they were both refreshed. "It felt so nice to sleep in our own bed."
"And to have you next to me. It's been a long few months," he lamented. "Do you want me to take today off?"
"No, I'll be ok. I promise."
"Well hopefully no one is trying to blow up LA today and I'll be home early."
"Mmm sounds good," she kissed him goodbye.
Deeks had the moms come over who began driving Kensi crazy. She sent them on their way. She was practicing her ADL exercises on her own when there was a knock on the door. She thought it was the moms returning, but to her surprise it was Sullivan.
He brought over beers and came in to hang out.
"So surfer boy at work?"
"Yes, he offered to take the day off, but,"
"But you needed time to adjust back in the home life?" Sullivan understood. She liked that but she also felt a little guilty spending the day with him.
"Something like that." They drank a few more beers and went for a walk. Sullivan was trying to convince Kensi to go for a ride in his truck.
"I can't, I have more exercises to do. I have to attempt to make something edible."
"Come on what's a half hour. Or are you afraid what's his name is going to come home and be upset that you went out."
"His name is Deeks, and he would be worried about me."
"Your loss Special K, maybe when I get back from deployment then."
"Maybe," she began feeling a little unnerved, Sullivan seemed to be making more advances, but again she blew it off.
"Thank you for stopping by. And again, for helping me make the best of my situation." With that he took off in his truck.
Kensi returned to her exercises. She made dinner and put it in the fridge. She left a note for Deeks and headed to the shooting range. It was late so she hoped no one would see her.
When Hetty was there it discouraged her. She knew she was making progress but wanted to be back at work, back with her partner, her fiancé even if it wasn't official.
He came home excited to see her. When he walked in his heart sank. He saw all the beer bottles and found the note about dinner. He was proud of her, but wondered where she could be. About an hour later, she walked in the door.
"Hi baby," he said to her. He could tell something was bothering her. Many thoughts ran through his head of who she shared all the beverages with, knowing she couldn't drink all that alone. As tough as she was, she would have been passed out after 3 or 4.
"Hey," she looked up with sad eyes.
"I waited for you to eat. It looks amazing. I'm so proud of you."
She didn't respond.
"Kens, what's wrong?"
"She made me shoot with my left hand. Who shoots with their left hand when they are right handed."
"Baby, your getting there. Three months ago you couldn't even walk."
"I'm just so anxious to get out of this house. I feel trapped."
"By me?" His eyes dimmed.
"I don't know. Everything Deeks."
"Who were you with today?" His eyes dropped. "It looks like you had a good time."
"Deeks don't start."
"Kens, I have a right to know who was in our house having beers with you in the middle of the day."
She looked down feeling like she betrayed him, but feeling angry for him thinking she'd betray him. She played with the imaginary ring on her finger. Deeks noticed her gestures.
"Are you having second thoughts?"
Her emotions were jumbled. She was depressed more than half the time. She tired to be happy, but was disappointed in her progress, even though it was better than anyone could have imagined.
"Maybe, I should go to my moms tonight." Deeks suggested.
"Are you serious?" Her silence finally broke.
"I obviously can't make you happy right now. You'd rather spend the day with Sullivan I'm assuming," he jumped to conclusions but was right in his summations.
"Yes Sullivan came over. We had a few beers, he wanted to take me for a ride in his truck, but I didn't feel comfortable, so I said NO, then I came in and made YOU dinner. To show my appreciation. You know I can't cook, but I made an attempt for you!" She began sobbing uncontrollably. Her emotions overtook her. She just stood, tears flowing.
Deeks' heart broke at seeing her this way. He walked over and put his arms around her and just let her cry. She weeped in his arms, not being able to stop. He held her tight against his chest.
"I don't want you to leave," she finally croaked out.
"I don't want to leave," he replied.
"I just want to be better, I want things to be normal again."
"They will be. I promise you," he cupped her face. He bent down to kiss her gently.
"I want to be able to make love to you," she started crying again.
"You will, when the time is right. Right now your body still isn't ready. And when it is," he winked.
That Made her lips curl up slightly. "Will you hold me while we sleep?"
"All night, if that's what you need."
She did need that. She needed him. They went to bed and stayed in each others arms the entire night. Kensi didn't sleep that well normally, either from pain or from depression or just from over exerting herself. But that night emotional and physical exhaustion took over and the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around her resulted in a night of sleep.
"Are you coming to the Christmas party?" Deeks begged his love.
"I don't think so."
"Everyone would love to see you."
"It doesn't feel right. I wanna be back and I have to wait a few more weeks."
"That's why you should come celebrate. If you change your mind call me. I'll come home to get you."
She was stir crazy all day. She couldn't sit still. She took up an attempt to bake cookies from scratch. She looked up a recipe, but needed a little assistance. She wanted them to be perfect. She immediately regretted her decision to call Roberta Deeks.
"No, I don't need you to come over. I just needed to make sure I was doing it right."
"I can be there in 20 minutes."
"No really it's ok, I'm putting them in the oven now and they would be done before you arrived."
"Are you sure. I don't mind. Martin will be so pleased."
"I'm sure. They are already baking. Thank you for your guidance."
She hung up the phone with a sigh.
The smell filled the house. Kensi was actually excited. The aroma made her mouth water a bit. She found a Christmas tin and filled it with the freshly baked goodies. She let them cool a bit and took one to taste.
"Not half bad," she was pleased with herself. She decided to shower and thought she was feeling up to head to the party.
Her stomach tied in knots as she approached the mission. She didn't want to be fawned over and she didn't really want to see Anna or Nell who had been filling in for her, but she felt it was good for her. Like ripping off the band aid, she couldn't hide for ever if she wanted to get back in the field. She imagined Anna was taking her place, but in reality everyone could t wait til she was back.
Deeks was shocked to see her reminding her he would have picked her up. He was glad she came and now that she was pretty much off her pain meds he thought he'd take the opportunity to get her a little tipsy.
"Nell's eggnog," he handed her a cup. "Drink up."
"Are you trying to get me drunk Detective?"
"Would it help if I said yes? I miss you," he winked.
"I miss you too," she knew they hadn't connected in some time. "Not yet though."
He agreed and was not going to push her. "Let me try these cookies you made? Did you use the same snickerdoodle recipe you used when we were undercover married couple."
Kensi slugged him, "I actually made these from scratch," again she was proud of her accomplishment.
"Kens, these are amazing," he stared at her in awe.
"What?"
"You never cease to amaze me with you will."
She blushed a bit as her boyfriend bent down to kiss her. Kensi was happy she went but was getting antsy to get back home.
"I'm gonna go, I'm pretty tired."
"Ok I'll follow you home. Let's tell everyone Good night."
They left the party and pulled up to their house. Kensi got out and walked to the door to go in.
"Baby," deeks called to her.
She turned around to see him staring at the sky. "Come here," he beaconed.
She obeyed his request. He took her hand and with his other hand he pointed to the sky. "Do you see that star," he asked pointing to the brightest star in the sky. "I wished every night on that same star, that you would recover completely. I knew you could do it, but that star, even on cloudy night seemed to shine through."
Kensi smiled. Watching him talk about something she had no idea made her realize more how hard things had been for him. She held his hand and stood outside for a few minutes. She turned towards him and kissed him. "I love you, I hope you know that."
"I do," he smiled. "Now let's get you some rest, I need my partner back."
