To the Morrow, For the Past

Chapter 14 – A New Truth –

Zack came back from Modeoheim different, with a new hair cut, a new promotion and a new sword. A familiar sword. Something bad must have happened on that mission but as hard as Cloud tried, he couldn't remember.

The man was subdued. His usual enthusiasm and optimism completely gone, replaced with quiet contemplation. It didn't fit him, it just seemed wrong and Cloud wanted to fix it. Unfortunately, Zack didn't seem to want to talk to anybody, least of all him. For some reason, whenever Cloud tried to approach him all he would get was a glare before Zack stormed off. It was three days after his return that Zack finally came to Cloud.

Cloud was leaving his room, ready to head to the cafeteria for his morning coffee when a hand grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back into his room. His hand was on his weapon before he caught sight of Zack and relaxed.

"Zack?" Was the man finally ready to talk to him? To tell him what was going on, why he was acting the way he was?

"Are you a time traveller?"

The world shifted under Cloud's feet at that question – no, more of an accusation – his heart started to thud in his chest as he floundered for words, the question so completely unexpected.

"There was a kid on my mission. He looked exactly like you. I'm not talking, 'could be his brother' kind of like you, but he looked exactly like you." Zack was glaring at Cloud with what seemed to be barely controlled fury. "He had no idea who you were. But he was you. Wasn't he?"

Cloud had no idea how Zack had figured that out but he had to remind himself that Zack wasn't stupid, he was a lot more intelligent than he portrayed himself to be. Numbly, Cloud let out a single nod.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME!" The pain in those shouted words broke Cloud's heart. Zack was shaking, trembling, his eyes filled with tears that refused to spill. "I could've saved him! If you'd told me-" Those tears were falling now.

"Zack..."

"I thought we were friends! You don't let your friend walk into that blind!"

"I don't remember the mission!" Cloud admitted his own voice rising, standing at full height and meeting Zack's eyes. He quietened his voice a little before continuing. "Eighteen months from now, I spent four years in Hojo's lab." He didn't want to be telling Zack this, he didn't want to go into details, but he needed Zack to know that Cloud hadn't known. "I don't have many memories of anything from before. I can't even remember my own mother, Zack." That had been a painful realisation for him, one that he'd managed to work his way through a long time ago.

After a moment, Zack's shoulders sagged. "How... how far from the future are you?"

"Around fifteen years." Cloud took Zack's arm and gently guided him to the bed, sitting him down and taking a place beside him. "I can't tell you much." He told him quietly. He didn't want to tell him much. How could he? "I don't know why I've been sent back again." He admitted, "But I know that there's some stuff I need to stop from happening."

"Worse than this?" Zack sounded so small, so lost and Cloud wondered just what the hell had happened in Modeoheim.

"I don't know what this is, Zack." Cloud reminded him gently, "But I can almost promise you that it was... will be... could be? Worse." Tenses sucked.

There was a heavy silence and Zack slowly stopped shaking, his anger gone, replaced by a bitter sadness. "I had to kill Angeal." He admitted quietly.

Angeal? Who was Angeal? Cloud closed his eyes and tried to remember, accessing not only his own memories, but the memories he'd stolen from Zack. Angeal was... Zack's mentor. Project G. Sephiroth's friend. Zack's friend.

"I'm sorry." Cloud opened his eyes and looked at Zack, "Losing a mentor is one of the hardest things to suffer through." He placed his arm around Zack's shoulders, an unfamiliar gesture for him, and pulled him to his chest. "Mine died a hero." He told him, "He died so that I could live. I'm his living legacy." He swallowed. This was hard to talk about, but it was easier because of who he was telling. "Just like you're Angeal's. Embrace his honour. Live his dream."

There was a nod against his chest. "Who was your mentor?" Zack asked quietly and Cloud couldn't help but flinch. He didn't answer, simply held Zack close.

"You'll see him again." He said instead, "When you join the lifestream, he'll be there. He'll be waiting to bring you home."

"I didn't think you were religious." Zack pulled back from Cloud to look at him. "You don't seem the type."

Of course. In this time, the lifestream hadn't erupted from the surface yet. People didn't know that it was real, and a lot of people thought of it as a myth. Believing in the lifestream was considered being religious. He let out a soft laugh.

"It's real, Zack." He told him, "I've been in it. A few times, actually. There was... someone special. She could talk to me, come see me when I needed her." He closed his eyes, remembering the peace of her garden. "The planet used the lifestream to send me here."

"Huh." Zack frowned. "I think you should meet Aerith." He told him, a small smile playing on his lips. He was thinking about her, distracted enough to not notice Cloud tense. "She believes in that stuff."

Cloud shook his head, "I'm trying... to avoid people I knew." It wasn't completely a lie. If it hadn't been for the fact that Zack had been forced on him, he might have avoided him too. "Makes it easier to not say something I shouldn't." It was hard enough lying to Zack and Sephiroth. "I can't lie to her." He admitted quietly.

Zack stared at him for a moment, "You know her!?" He asked, smile turning into a grin. "So that means you probably knew me too!"

Cloud looked away and didn't say anything.

"So. I finally know something about you. You know, I thought you were going to call me crazy, tell me that I was insane for thinking you're from the future. But I was right!" There was that energy again. It was slightly strained, Zack was still hurting underneath.

Cloud let out a chuckle. "Yeah. Now you know why I didn't tell anyone. How are you supposed to say, 'Hi, my name's Cloud. I'm from the future.'?" They dissolved into laughter, the tense atmosphere snapping in an instant.

"You know I'm going to be full of questions now, right?"

"You know I probably won't answer them all, right?" Cloud countered, "There's a lot I can't tell you, and a lot you just... don't want to know."

"Right." Zack gave a nod, "And I'm going to be busy. I'm... a living legacy... right?" He seemed to take comfort in that. "I think... that means I need to be the man that Angeal thought I could be. Be an honourable hero."

Cloud nodded. "His dreams, his honour... are yours now..." It was hard to say those words. His heart was breaking all over again, but when he looked up, Zack was there. That made things... better.

"Yeah. Thanks, Cloud." A deep breath, then Zack gave a nod, "Right! So, breakfast?"

– – – – – –

It was good to have Zack back. To properly have him back. His enthusiasm and energy had been somewhat dulled, but they were still there. He wasn't quite back to his old self, but this Zack was a lot more like the one in Cloud's memories. Trauma had a way of changing people.

"So, I heard you and Sephiroth went on a date!"

The coffee that had been in Cloud's mouth was now sprayed over the table between them. With wide eyes, he looked up at Zack who was wiping some of the brown liquid from his grinning face.

"Who the hell told you that!?" That hadn't been a date. That had been a... walk along the plate... at sunset... Oh hell.

"His fan club. Your fan club. General rumour mill." Zack said with a shrug, snagging a napkin and mopping up some of the mess on the table.

"I have a fan club?" That was news to him. Zack just looked at him.

"So. You guys went on a date?" He prodded.

"No. We went for a walk. That's not a date." Cloud realised he sounded petulant and he was folding his arms across his chest, glaring at Zack. If Cloud could see himself now, he would have described it as 'sulking'. Zack just laughed louder.

"At sunset, right? How's that not a date?"

"So if you and I were on a walk and it just happened to be sunset, it'd be a date?" Cloud asked, unfolding his arms only so he could drink the rest of his coffee.

Zack shrugged, throwing out the napkins and retrieving his own drink. "I dunno. I mean, he gives you gifts, you're always flirting, he confesses to you and then an hour later you're taking a long sunset walk on a secluded part of the plate... Kinda sounds like a date to me."

Oh Gaia. "No, Zack. It wasn't a date." He felt like he was talking to his son again, the slow, deliberate words in a scolding tone. "It's... complicated." He said, "I know a lot about him that he can't ever know." He kept his voice down and leaned over the table. "In every time I've ever been to, my relationship to him has been complicated."

"But you're interested." Zack prompted, "If you didn't have all this... history..."

"When I was fourteen, I would have been ecstatic." He admitted, "But things changed. And even though they haven't happened yet, I remember them." He shook his head, "I don't think I could ever get far enough past that." Not to mention the whole, adopted a baby version of him thing. Sephiroth looked exactly like his son and it was a little disconcerting. Okay, a lot disconcerting.

Sometimes he missed the simplicity of the days of Meteorfall. At least then he knew who were enemies and who were friends. There were no blurred lines. Now everything was muddled.

Zack nodded, obviously not entirely understanding, but he was trying. "But you know, you might want to tell Sephiroth that it wasn't a date... you're kinda giving him mixed signals."

Cloud shook his head, "Pretty sure I made myself clear." He told him, "We talked about it. We're okay."

– – – – – – –

It had been a long day. For some reason, telling Zack had been both a relief and very stressful. At least with Zack knowing something about him, he didn't need to be quite so careful, but now... now more than ever he had to keep his guard up. Zack was clever, too clever and if Cloud gave him enough, he could come up with the whole truth.

Cloud didn't want Zack to have to deal with that. To have to know some of the things that happened to him. He didn't want Zack to have to hear about his death. But Zack hadn't pushed. Deep down, a part of him probably knew.

He slipped out the window as quietly as he could. Hojo hadn't gone after him for a while now, but Zack was still paranoid and sleeping in Cloud's room again. He needed to think, and he couldn't do that around Zack. There was only one place he could think of that would give him the sense of peace that he needed.

– – – – – –

The church was dark at three am, thrown into the shadows of buildings lit by meagre light. It seemed fitting somehow. Cloud didn't use the front door – the church was being watched by the Turks – instead he jumped on a nearby building and let himself into the church via the hole in the roof. It wasn't as big as he remembered, but then, his memories had never been all that reliable.

He was sat in front of the flowers, eyes closed and head bent when he heard movement. His muscles tensed, but he made no outward motions – nothing to indicate that he'd heard anything – and waited.

"She can't hear you." The voice was familiar, and yet not. There was a thump as someone jumped from the rafters and landed beside Cloud. "She's being blocked."

A young man knelt beside Cloud, tenderly running a finger over a petal. The action, the way the youth moved, it was familiar. Very familiar. Yet Cloud didn't relax. He kept his face forward, but eyed the kid from the side of his eyes.

He was wearing a long, ratty brown coat and a cap. A scarf was wrapped loosely around his neck, hiding half his face.

"Who do you mean?" Cloud played ignorance and there was a snort of amusement from the boy.

"Gaia. The planet. Lifestream. Take your pick." He finally turned to look at Cloud. "She's being blocked, trodden on by the Calamity."

What did the kid know about that? He looked like he couldn't have been more than fifteen, and definitely a slum rat.

"What are you talking about?" He prodded, feigning ignorance.

"Man, Vincent was right. You really are a crappy actor." The kid was giggling now and Cloud was more tense and confused than ever before. The boy took his hat off, spilling long silver hair into the tiny light. "It's been a while."

No. It couldn't be. But... he was five. Just a baby. He was small, and innocent and didn't wear hats. He had green eyes, not brown, and he was five. And in the future. Safe. Not here. Not-

"Zack...?" Please say no. Please let him be wrong. Zack couldn't be here, it was too dangerous. Jenova hadn't been destroyed yet, Sephiroth was still around, Hojo was alive. There were too many things that could go wrong. Cloud had been happy in the knowledge that his son was safe, loved. But here... here he wouldn't be safe. And Cloud couldn't take him home with him. He couldn't protect him.

And his little boy was just that- little. This kid was a teenager. If it was Zack... then Cloud had missed out on too much, been gone for too long.

"Hi dad."