To the Morrow, For the Past

Chapter 15 – A New Him

Cloud couldn't stop staring. Standing before him, much older than he remembered, was his son. His son. The boy looked a little embarrassed and uncomfortable and Cloud couldn't help it. With a flash of movement Zack was in his arms. Even with the strange eye colour, and the older appearance, this was his Zack.

He had his baby back. "Zack..." Cloud was trembling, emotions pouring over him so fast that he couldn't identify them, could barely feel them. He was overwhelmed, so full of emotion but so numb at the same time.

"Zeke." Zack said quietly, "I go by Zeke here." He adjusted himself a little, to be more comfortable in the crushing embrace. His small arms circled Cloud's back and held on just as tight. If either of them hadn't been enhanced, they would have probably broken something.

Cloud buried his nose in Zack-Zeke's silver hair. All his senses were consumed by the young man. He wanted to take it all in, to miss nothing. He didn't realise he was crying until a sob wracked his frame.

They sat like that for a while before Za-Zeke leaned back. "There's already another Zack here." He explained, "So I needed something else to call myself."

"How... How are you..." Words were hard, emotions pushing on him. Relief, love, fear, sorrow. They flashed through him so fast they felt like they all happened at the same time.

"Same way you got here. But I wasn't ready yet. She made me wait until I was big enough." The boy reached up, replacing his hat and tucking his hair under it. He then reached forward and started to tend to the slumbering flowers. "She made me wait four years before I convinced her to let me come to you."

Four years. Cloud had missed out on four years of this boy's life. Of his son's life. He was nine now. "But you look..."

Zeke shrugged, "I've always looked older than I am." He pointed out and Cloud remembered Zack's first day at preschool, how he'd been a head taller than his tallest classmate. "It makes sense though. Why breed a super soldier if you can't use him for a decade and a half?"

So he knew. Of his origins. Cloud was a little relieved about that. He'd always intended on telling him, explaining to him his origins, reassuring him that he was no more a monster than the rest of them. He hadn't figured out how to do it before he left, and he'd thought Zack too young to understand. Maybe he hadn't been. His son had always been smarter and wiser than his age would suggest.

"There's so much I want to ask you." Cloud said quietly, "I've missed so much..." He couldn't keep his eyes off the boy. His boy. But there were a few questions that were more important than everything else. "Are you..." safe? Happy? Taken care of?

A smile flickered on to the boy's face. "I'm good, da." He answered all the questions at once. Seemingly knowing what Cloud was asking. "After you... left, the others took care of me. I went to Cosmo Canyon with Nanaki for a bit, then I went to live in Kalm with Vincent." His smile morphed into a sly grin, "Did you know that he's my biological father?" He asked.

Cloud contemplated for a moment. That should have shocked him a lot more than it did. He'd believed Hojo to have been Sephiroth's father, but then... since when could Hojo be believed? Vincent had been close to Lucrecia around the time of Sephiroth's conception. The timing fit. Not to mention the visual similarities between the men.

"That actually makes sense." Cloud said with a nod, thinking about it. "When I brought you home, I considered asking Vincent to take you," He admitted, "I didn't think I'd- I wasn't really ready to have a kid."

"Yeah. They told me that." He shook his head, "But it wouldn't have worked. Vincent had that whole... demon woe is me, thing going on." He sat back and looked at the flowers for a moment. "But when they realised that I was going to find my way back here, Vincent took me in. He taught me a lot of things. How to-" He cut off his sentence, falling silent. His head tilting to the side, "There's someone here." he whispered.

Cloud could hear it too, the unmistakable sound of someone trying to be quiet. In a flash, Zeke was gone, back up to the rafters. The muffled footsteps moved closer, and Cloud relaxed as he recognised them.

"You're not very sneaky." He said out loud, not bothering to turn around.

"I wasn't trying to be sneaky..." Zack – the older Zack – lied, joining Cloud at the flower bed. "But you were talking to someone," He looked around with a frown.

"Myself." Cloud told him. "I used to come here a lot after..." After Aerith died After a meteor fell on the planet. After Geostigma attacked him and the people he loved. After it was healed. After he brought home a baby Sephiroth. After a lot of things. He shook his head at Zack's curious look. "After." He restated it, finishing his sentence. He was glad Zack didn't push it.

"What are you doing here?" He asked Zack instead.

"I woke up and you were gone. The window was open. Did you really jump out the window?" Cloud just shrugged and Zack sighed, plonking himself down beside the older man. "You wanted to get away that bad?"

"I needed some time." Cloud was again tending to the flowers, but Zack's hand shot out and stopped him.

"Hey, Aerith doesn't like it when people touch the flowers." He scolded.

Cloud just chuckled, "That's because people don't know what they're doing." He told him, "I've been tending to them for..." How long had it been? In his own personal timeline, that is. "Gaia, nearly a decade now." Aerith had been dead for nearly a decade. Seven years. Had it really been so long ago?

"And she let you?" Zack seemed shocked at the very idea. Cloud just shrugged.

"She never objected." That was the truth. And yes, the dead didn't usually object, but death had never actually stopped her from voicing strong opinions. He pushed Zack's hand away and returned to his task. "It... helps me process." He said quietly. "Thoughts. Emotions. It's sort of like..."

"Therapy?" Zack offered, leaning back to watch him.

Cloud shook his head, "More like meditation." He told him, "I tried therapy once. It... didn't work." Telling his problems to people wasn't exactly something he was good at. Even when he had, the person he'd decided to tell had been dead for years first.

Zack looked confused. He obviously didn't understand. It didn't matter. It worked for Cloud, that's what counted.

"So.. You gonna stay here all night?" Zack asked eventually and Cloud shook his head. He finished pulling the weed he'd been working on and stood. He had no intention of staying here for too long. He didn't want to run into Aerith.

"Don't... tell her that I was here." He requested, "I don't- I'm not ready to..."

Zack was quiet, his face sad and completive. "She died, didn't she?" He asked quietly, looking down at the flowers. "She was your friend, and she died."

"Yeah..." Cloud swallowed. Oh how he did not want to have this conversation. "I'm sorry. I wasn't... I wasn't fast enough to save her."

The look Zack was giving him was hard to read but Cloud could see sympathy, understanding, pity – but no anger.

"I know you did your best." How could he be so confident? How could he believe that with such conviction when Cloud himself didn't believe it. Zack barely even knew Cloud, he didn't know any of the circumstances surrounding Aerith's death. He didn't know how it had been so close to being Cloud's hand, Zack's blade that had killed her. Yet he still believed that Cloud had done his best to save her.

"You loved her." Zack continued as if it was obvious, "And you protect those you love."

Again, Cloud had to swallow a lump in his throat. He nodded, eyes trained on the ground. "We should go." He said quietly. Zack left, and Cloud paused for a moment, looking back in to the church. His gaze moved upwards, but Zeke was nowhere to be seen. Then again. He'd been at least partially raised by a legendary Turk. "I'll come back." He promised, not sure if Zeke was even there to hear him. "I promise."

– – – – –

His day just kept getting longer, and it was only seven am. He hadn't sleep the night before, so it had felt like one long day. Cloud had a lot to think about, a lot to process and he didn't even know where to start.

Zack was back. He had his baby back. He'd held him in his arms, so much bigger than Cloud remembered, but still so young. Cloud had missed out on so much of his growth, so much of his life – almost half of it – and he would never get that back. But he had his boy back.

But he had no idea where he was staying, was he warm enough? Safe from the horrors of the slums? Was he eating enough? There were so many things that could go wrong for him, so many ways that bad things could happen, and Cloud was terrified for him.

It didn't matter that Zac-Zeke had been training with a sword before he could properly string sentences together. It didn't matter that he'd been looked after, taught, probably even trained by at least four of the worlds best warriors. It didn't matter that he was naturally proficient in both physical and magical combat. All that mattered to Cloud was that his little baby boy was alone in the slums. He was filled with worry and dread.

Zack and Sephiroth had noticed Cloud's distraction. He had been acting a little strange this morning. Zack had picked up on it right away – after finding him down at the church – and Sephiroth had noticed the moment that Cloud walked in to his office the next morning.

"Are you feeling well?" Sephiroth asked, and Cloud looked up at him. He shook his head and returned his gaze to the edge of the desk, falling back in to silence.

"You'll have to forgive me." Sephiroth continued after a moment, "Having friends is a new concept for me. I believe I am supposed to... comfort and unwell friend?" The absurdity of the words made Cloud laugh a little. It felt good to laugh.

"Sorry," He said, "I've got a lot on my mind."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Sephiroth offered and Cloud thought for a moment. He could ask for time off. Find somewhere for Zeke to live, spend some times with him. But then... he was still being watched. It was risky, too risky. Cloud didn't want anybody in Shinra to know about Zeke. He didn't want anybody to know that he had a connection to Cloud, and he really didn't want anybody to know about the boy's genetics.

Right now, he had to trust in Zeke. Trust that he trained enough to take care of himself, trust that he'd gained enough wisdom and knowledge from his friends to know how to stay out of trouble. He had to trust that Aerith wouldn't have let him come back here until he was ready. He had to trust.

Trust wasn't always easy for him. There were only a handful of people in the entirety of existence that he knew he could fully trust. And they had helped raised his son. Zeke would be fine.

But what else could Sephiroth do for him? Cloud had got to know him pretty well over the last few timelines, more so in this one, and knew that the warrior needed to be doing something to help. Surprisingly, it was in his nature to want to take care of, to protect his friends.

"Do you have any more of that coffee?" That would be a start. For both of them.

Sephiroth gave a nod and stood. He wandered off to a cabinet in the corner of his office, reaching in to pull out a familiar jar. He handed it to Cloud, and he took it with a nod and a smile. "Join me?" He suggested, holding the jar up and tilting his head towards the door. It would be nice to have some company right now, and Zack was down in the slums with Aerith.

They made their way to the cafeteria to acquire mugs and boiling water. They made up their coffee and moved on. Cloud didn't need to say that he didn't want to be around people for Sephiroth to know.

They ended up on a small abandoned balcony outside of a disused office. They were alone. Cloud let the quiet fall over him and the breeze ruffle his hair. "You once said you wanted to hear my story." Cloud said quietly, "I can't tell you all of it but..."

Would Sephiroth believe him? The fact that Zack had believed him had been surprising, but Sephiroth was very scientifically minded. Would he even entertain the idea?

Sephiroth nodded, eyes still trained on the view. Out in the distance, Cloud could see Reactor 1. The first reactor he'd help destroy. That had been a simpler time.

"I was born in Nibelheim." He started quietly, "Fourteen years ago from now." He could feel Sephiroth's gaze on him, but refused to turn to see him. "Last year, I got thrown back in time." He had no idea how to explain this. It had been easier with Zack – the man had pieced it all together by himself first.

"Time travel?" Sephiroth's tone was disbelieving. That wasn't unexpected.

Cloud shrugged, "It wasn't the first time." He admitted, "I can't... I can't tell you everything. I can't tell you most of it. But.. in my time, you're..." Dead? A monster? A threat? Evil? He shook his head, unable to finish his sentence. So instead, he tried a new one.

"Twenty four years ago, in a small town called Nibelheim, a scientist conceived a baby. She let her boss run experiments on the foetus. She let him inject foreign substances into it. Into him." He was making it sound bad. But then, it was bad. "She started to get sick, and she saw...visions... of the future. When her baby was born, the head scientist snatched him away. She never got to see him, or hold him. That baby was never held with love." It hurt to think about that. "And the mother disappeared."

Sephiroth was listening. Cloud could trust that the man would listen to all he had to say before he made up his mind on what to believe.

"The woman's name was Lucrecia Crescent." He paused, "Before he was born, she named her son Sephiroth."

Silence fell upon them and Cloud could barely breathe. He had no idea how Sephiroth was going to react to this. Would he believe him? Would he call him a liar? Would he go insane and attack? Cloud was ready for any of this.

"I was told that my mother's name was Jenova." Came the reply.

Cloud managed to shake his head, his voice still somehow coming out normal. "No. Jenova was the name of the... creature who's cells were introduced into the foetus." He said quietly, "Hojo lied. I bet he told you that he was your father too..." When he felt Sephiroth nod beside him, he shook his own head again, "No. Your father's name was-is Vincent Valentine. He was a Turk assigned to protect Lucrecia - your mother."

"And how did you come by this information?" Sephiroth didn't believe him. Cloud didn't really expect him to. He could only hope that this would mitigate some of the damage done to the man's psyche if he ever made it to Nibelheim.

"Vincent." Cloud told him, "It's a long story." He sighed and sipped at his long cooled coffee. It was still too sweet. "A lot happened to me in the last fifteen years." He added, "I have Jenova cells too."

He wasn't sure if this was a good idea. A very large part of him just wanted to run. To get Zeke and put as much distance between himself and Sephiroth as possible. But he had started this, he owed it to the man to tell him as much as he could.

Silence fell again, neither man moving. "There is a lot you're not telling me." Sephiroth said at last and Cloud nodded.

"Yeah. I didn't really want to tell you any of it." He admitted, "But this... this is about you, and you deserve to know."

"To know that I am a monster?" Those words made Cloud stop. He slowly turned to look at Sephiorth. The man's face would have been unreadable to most, but Cloud knew that face better than he knew his own. He was afraid, ashamed. He was unsure.

Without thinking, Cloud put his cup down on the balcony ledge and reached out. He took Sephiroth's hand in both his own and looked up at the man. "No." He said, "To know that you're not a monster." He moved the hand he held and pressed it against his chest. "No more than I am." He believed that. Cloud truly believed that Sephiroth was not a monster. And he let it show in his face. Completely unguarding his expression was difficult for him. He'd hidden for so long that it felt dangerous to just let go. But right now, he needed to. Sephiroth needed to see it.

One hand reached out and gently placed itself on Sephiroth's face, cupping a cheek. "Our biology doesn't make us who we are." He said quietly, "We decide who we are." He took half a step forward, trying his best to show his sincerity. "Your mother made a bad choice. Your father didn't even know you were his. Your upbringing wasn't the best, but despite it all, you're a good man."

Cloud saw Sephiroth swallow, listening to everything Cloud was saying, and Cloud realised that he'd probably never had anyone say anything like this to him before. His life had been so devoid of love, that he didn't know what to do with it.

"You are not a monster." Cloud's words were quiet, "You just have slightly different biology to most. Jenova isn't your mother. But she will want you to think that she is. It's very important, Sephiroth, that when the time comes, you don't listen to her." Sephiroth looked confused, but Cloud kept going. He had moved forward again and was all but pressed against the man, Sephiroth's hand still in his and his other hand still on his face. "Promise me." He demanded, "Promise me that you'll push her away."

"I don't understand." Sephiroth admitted.

"Just... just promise me that when she starts to talk to you, you'll find me. You'll come to me and you'll talk to me. You'll let me help you. Please, Sephiroth. Let me help you. Let me stop you from becoming a monster." There was real panic in his voice, he couldn't help it. If Sephiroth gave in to Jenova again, he would have to kill him.

"I was told that she was dead..." Sephiroth wasn't moving. He was confused and uncomfortable, but Cloud couldn't back off, not now. He let his hands fall but kept a grip on Sephiroth's. He shook his head and looked down at their hands. Sephiroth wasn't pulling away.

"No. But she isn't really alive either." He admitted, "I don't really know much about her. I think... I think I'm here to eliminate her." His thumb was absently drawing circles on Sephiroth's wrist. "In my time... In my time she got into your head. She told you lies laced with truth. You found out about the experiments that made you and... and you went insane." He looked up into Sephiroth's eyes again.

The younger man said nothing, simply waiting for Cloud to continue. He seemed overwhelmed, not that Cloud blamed him. Cloud didn't continue, he just stood there for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"You're afraid that I will go insane again." Sephiroth said quietly and Cloud nodded.

"I don't want to have to kill you again." He said quietly, "I don't think-" He had to take a breath, "I don't think I could do it again." He shook his head, "Just... don't let her in. Don't let her take over. It hurts to resist. Gaia it hurts, but please." Where was the line between repeatedly making a request and begging? Cloud was sure he'd crossed that line a short while ago.

"Cloud..." Sephiroth let out a breath, "Do you realise how insane this sounds?" He asked, "You're practically begging me not to go insane because you're from the future and you don't want to have to kill me for listening to my mother?"

Cloud tensed. He hadn't fully expected Sephiroth to believe him, but he'd hoped. He went to take a step back but was held still by Sephiroth's hand tightening on his. He was pulled closer to Sephiroth, who wrapped his free arm around Cloud. "I don't know what to believe." He said quietly, "But you are my friend."

Hesitantly, Cloud lifted his own free arm and wrapped it around Sephiroth. He was warm, and Cloud actually felt comforted. Even safe. "Now you see why I didn't tell you before." He said with a dry laugh.

Sephiroth's chuckle joined Cloud's and he pulled back just far enough to look down at Cloud. "You are an enigma." He said with fondness. "I will think on what you've told me. I can't say I fully believe you, but I can make you a promise. If I hear from my- From Jenova, I will come to you." A hand let go of Cloud's waist to reach up, placing his own hand on Clouds in a mirror of their previous position.

Cloud didn't know what to expect, but the soft lips on his own had definitely not been it. The kiss was short, almost chaste. It was over before Cloud could really comprehend what had happened, but he knew he was staring at Sephiroth in mild shock.

It hadn't been as awkward as he'd thought it would be. Or at least, it hadn't been awkward while it was happening, but now... now Cloud felt awkward. "Sephiroth..." He whispered, lowering his head to place his forehead against Sephiroth's chin. "I can't." He told him, "There's more to my story but I can't-"

"It's okay, Cloud." Sephiroth said quietly, finally disengaging and stepping back. He looked sad and wistful, but not disappointed or angry. Cloud took that moment to pull away completely, to let go of Sephiroth's hand and step back. He cleared his throat and looked away.

"I should go." He muttered, not waiting for a reply before all but fleeing, leaving Sephiroth alone on the abandoned balcony.