To the Morrow, For the Past

Chapter 16 – A New Phone

He wasn't exactly avoiding Sephiroth. Not really. He just always had a valid excuse for leaving the room when Sephiroth entered it. Zack had noticed, and Cloud had no doubts that Sephiroth had too. He felt a bit bad, especially when he saw the resigned look on the man's face during their last passing. But he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think, how to think.

Avoiding Sephiroth was a lot easier than avoiding Zack. The man had sealed the window and now slept by the door, still staying in Cloud's tiny room. "Zack..." Cloud said slowly, "I'm not going to run away." He sighed as Zack simply shrugged and stood with his back against the door. He folded his arms in front of his chest and just looked at him for a moment.

"Cloud." He said eventually, "What's going on with you?" He asked slowly.

With a groan, Cloud threw himself backwards onto his bed. He didn't want to have this conversation. He was too old for this shit. "I don't want to talk about it, Zack." he said, "You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand." Zack wasn't budging. Apparently Cloud wasn't the only one that was stubborn.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Cloud thought on that for a moment. Why couldn't he tell Zack everything? The man already believed him on the whole time travel thing. He could tell him about Zeke – if he missed out the part about Zeke having followed him in to the past – he could tell Zack about Meteorfall, about everything that he'd been through. Couldn't he? He didn't have to tell Zack about his death, he didn't have to tell Zack about the fact that Cloud had thought he was him for a while, right?

He sat up, still weighing up his options. It would be nice to have an ally. Somebody who knew everything. Wouldn't it?

He took a breath, opened his mouth to explain, and then realised that he didn't know where to start. "I don't know where to start." He muttered, shuffling back on his bed so that he could rest his back against the wall. He brought his knees up in front of him and leaned his arms on them, still thinking.

"The beginning? I mean, your beginning- not your beginning beginning-" Okay, so Zack was apparently nervous too. That kind of made Cloud feel a little better and he let out a chuckle.

"Long story short... I went on a mission to Nibelheim with Sephiroth and my mentor. Sephiroth found some stuff out that he really should have found out in a better way and he ended up going insane. He wanted to bring a meteor down on the planet and came damn close. I had to kill him. Three times. I lost my mentor, and we lost Aerith. Then, a few months after the last time, I was sent back in time and told to 'save him'. There were only two people that could have been, so I killed Hojo and saved the baby he was experimenting on. A two week old Sephiroth. I took him home and raised him for five years before I was brought here. This time I wasn't told what my mission is, but it always has something to do with Sephiroth. I don't know if I'm supposed to stop him from going insane, or kill him before he does. Either way, I had to get close to him..."

Zack was quiet for a moment. Cloud had been really concise. There was a lot that Cloud hadn't told him, but he didn't really need to know.

"And you don't know what to feel, because you spent years thinking he was a hero, then years chasing and killing him, then years raising him."

Another nod.

"Okay, I just have one question then."

Cloud looked up at him, resting his chin on his arms. "Hmm? Just one."

"Yeah. If you saved baby Sephiroth, then how come he still grew up here?"

That... actually was a good question. Cloud shrugged, "I don't know. Taking him out of his timeline didn't effect mine either. All I can think of is that there are lots of timelines and that I was pulled across rather than back through the same one." He shrugged. "I don't really... do the science thing."

Zack nodded. "Okay. So. Now. Back to our main problem right now. You don't know how you feel about Sephiroth."

Cloud nodded, "Part of me will always be angry at him. For Nibelheim. For Aerith. For- For my mentor. But I realised that I couldn't blame him for things that he hasn't done yet. If I did, then I would always blame my son for things that happened long before he was even born. And if I refuse to blame him, then I can't really blame this Sephiroth. I have to believe that they're all different people. Just... the same genetics."

"So... that means that you could go with Sephiroth – this Sephiroth if you wanted to. I mean, you've already said that they're different people..."

A laugh escaped Cloud and he shrugged, "That's the theory. But he still looks exactly like my son." He pointed out.

"So?" Zack shrugged, "Lots of people date people that look just like their kids. I mean, they're usually the other parent of the kid, but they look the same a lot of the time. I look just like my dad, doesn't mean mum doesn't want to be with dad any more."

"You should call them." Cloud told him, changing the subject. He'd never really been any good at emotions, and now he couldn't even identify them. All he knew, was the logic aside, he couldn't 'go' with Sephiroth. It was too... complicated. "They're good people and they miss you."

"You met them?"

Cloud shrugged, "Just before Meteorfall. When I was travelling." Wow. It was strange to be able to talk about this now. "You'd been missing for a while. They hadn't heard from you. Apparently you only sent them one letter?"

Zack frowned then turned a little pink. "I guess I've been busy. I'll write them." He said with a nod.

"Good." Cloud unfolded his legs and stretched. He felt... relieved? It was like a weight had been lifted. But he was also feeling drained. He'd relived a lot of trauma tonight.

"So what are you gonna do about Sephiroth?" Zack asked quietly, "He's your friend. We're basically the only friends he's got. Are you really going to use that to kill him?"

"If I have to." Cloud admitted. "If I have to, I will. It would break me, and I probably wouldn't survive. But... But the planet is worth more than me. More than him." He looked at Zack, "He was so close to succeeding. To taking out the entire planet. I can't let that happen..."

Zack nodded again, still thinking. "Okay." He said quietly, letting out a long breath, "We'll do whatever we can to make sure that never happens and... if it comes down to it... I'll back you up. Okay?"

"No." Cloud couldn't do that. He couldn't let Zack- He shook his head, trying to push the panic away. "No. If it comes to that, you get away. You find Aerith, and you run. Run as far and as fast as you can and you stay away. I won't-" He stopped, taking a breath and closing his eyes. "I wont lose anybody else that I love." He let out a deep breath, "I need some air." He said.

With that, he walked out the door. If Zack had followed him, it wouldn't have mattered. The moment he was out of his room, Cloud used every trick Vincent had ever taught him to disappear.

– – – – – – –

The under the plate was always dimly lit. It never received any actual sunlight but it did have artificial lighting. Cloud was sat atop the slide when he heard footsteps approaching. It was the sound of someone who naturally moved quietly, trying to make noise.

After a moment, there was someone sitting beside him. Cloud turned to regard his son, a smile on his face. "I'm sorry I took so long." He said quietly, putting an arm around the boy and pulling him close. "Are you safe?" He asked.

Zeke gave him a disgruntled look and huffed. "I'm more trained than half the Turks and better trained than any. I'm good." He pulled away from Cloud's embrace to sit up a bit easier. "I know how to hide, how to get food, where is safe to sleep. All that stuff. I'm okay. But what about you? You're wearing a SOLDIER uniform..."

Cloud looked down at his clothing. He'd been wearing one for so long that he'd actually forgotten what it symbolised. He shrugged, "It was the best way... I wasn't told what I should be doing, but... it usually has to do with Sephiroth."

"Right..." Zeke looked unconvinced. "So you infiltrated SOLDIER?" Cloud nodded and Zack continued, "Are you safe from Hojo?"

It was a valid concern, and Cloud paused. The scientist had all but left him alone over the last month or so. It was a little disconcerting and Cloud had no idea what the scientist was up to. "I can't tell for sure. But I have back up if I need it." Cloud replaced the arm around Zeke's shoulders, more loosely this time. "I found Zack." He said, "He's the one that came to the church last time."

Zeke nodded, "I thought so. Tifa had a picture of him and Sephiroth. She showed it to me once." He frowned, "I thought he'd be taller..." Cloud had to laugh at that one.

"If anything happens to me, you should find him. He'll take care of you." Cloud said. He'd told Zack enough that it wouldn't be a complete surprise to him. "I told him a bit about you. How I got you." He admitted, "But he doesn't know you're here. Nobody does."

Zeke nodded, understanding. The boy was too wise for his years and Cloud was again struck by the years that he'd missed. There were still traces of that tiny boy, but this one was a lot more grown up. Too grown up.

"Zack."

"Zeke."

"Zeke." Cloud corrected himself, "Promise me that you'll go to him if you need to."

"Fine." Zeke sighed with a petulance that only a pre-teen could muster. "But I can look after myself."

"Obviously." Cloud agreed, "But you don't have to." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small PHS. It was a cheap and basic model, but it worked and it was hard to trace. "I have one too." He said, "My number is in there. I have yours. Don't give either number to anyone." He warned. "Don't use it unless you really need to." He added, "It's hard to trace, but not impossible and Shinra are watching me."

He was keeping an eye out, but apparently he'd managed to elude them for now. "I probably wont be able to get away much. And I don't want to bring them to you."

Zeke nodded, "It's okay. I've been okay this far. I've been here a month." He shrugged, taking the PHS and putting it into a pocket. "But I'll call you if I have to." He added. He stood, "I gotta go." He offered a final wave to Cloud before moving with speed and grace that would have made Vincent proud. It certainly made Cloud feel better about leaving him alone.

It was hard to watch him leave though. The entirety of Cloud's being was screaming at him to follow, to take a hold of the boy and never let him go again. But that would be too dangerous. He couldn't. Not while Shinra were watching.

– – – – – –

Zack was right. Cloud had to stop avoiding Sephiroth. Cloud knew that Zack was right. It didn't make it any easier for Cloud to approach the man. He kept trying to figure out reasons and excuses as to why he needed to be in the same room as the man. If he could dress it up like an official meeting, maybe it wouldn't be so awkward?

Luckily, he didn't have to come up with anything. When he got back to his room, Zack was nowhere to be seen for once. But there, standing by the (sealed) window, was Sephiroth.

"Sephiroth?" Cloud cautiously stepped into his room and closed the door behind him.

The younger man jumped slightly and turned around, his face already tinged pink. "Cloud- I'm here to apologise." He said quickly, almost falling over his words.

Cloud paused. This was so different to every other version of Sephiroth that had known that he couldn't help the snort of laughter that came from him. He shook his head, holding a hand up. "Don't." He said, walking fully into his room. He took his sword off and put it against the wall, taking a moment to stretch the muscle that had been supporting it. "I should be apologising to you. I shouldn't've run away."

"I shouldn't have-" Again, Cloud shook his head and held a hand up.

"It was an emotionally charged conversation. Wires get crossed. People do things without thinking..." he hoped that had been the case. "Just... don't do it again."

Sephiroth nodded, face still pink. He shuffled from one foot to the other, still looking incredibly awkward. Cloud chuckled again and gestured to the bed, "Sit." He said, leaning against the wall opposite the bed. "You look like you need to sit down."

"I... am still unused to this feeling." Sephiroth said quietly, "I will admit to being... sudden disturbed by your departure."

Right. That... had probably been Sephiroth's first kiss. And Cloud had fled. "Sorry," he said, "I was... overwhelmed. There's... a lot you don't know about me." He told him, "and some of it wouldn't make sense to you. But..." He paused to think, to decide. "Give me some time." He told Sephiroth, "Give me some time to think about things. Get my thoughts sorted and my head to where it's supposed to be."

He stepped forward and sat on the bed beside Sephiroth. "Until then just..." He shrugged, not sure what he was even asking. It didn't matter, Sephiroth seemed to understand, or at least understood well enough. He nodded, still watching Cloud.

"Zack's advice was... less than helpful." Sephiroth admitted, "I asked him how to stop feeling like this. He told me that I either had to find someone else, or convince you to..." His blush darkened and he made a vague gesture. Cloud could guess what Zack had said and he laughed.

"Zack's still a teenager. That's just... how they think sometimes." He reassured Sephiroth. "But... I don't really have any better advice. The only people I've been interested in... Well. Most of them are dead." He admitted, "The other one... It just sort of didn't happen." He shrugged.

He sighed softly, laying back on the bed. After a moments hesitation, Sephiroth lay down beside him.

"Is having a friend... always this difficult?" Sephiroth asked for a moment and Cloud thought on it.

He thought of his team, of his AVALANCHE. Some of them had been easy friendship but others had required a lot of work. "The good ones are sometimes." He said, remembering some of the fights that he and Tifa had had. "But if the friendship is worth it, then you get through it."

Cloud felt Sephiroth move to face him, and he turned his head to return the gaze. "Is this friendship worth it?" The silver general asked quietly.

"Yeah."

– – – – – –

"Right!" Zack had dragged both Sephiroth and Cloud into his room. It was a lot bigger than Cloud's and he had to wonder why they'd both been crashing in his room instead of using this one. Zack's room was actually two rooms, a bedroom and what looked like a lounge and small kitchenette. There even seemed to be a private bathroom tucked into another corner.

The lounge had a couch tucked into the corner. A coffee table sat in front of it and a small television was propped up against a far wall. Zack pushed them both towards the small couch.

"It's been a month since I made First, and it's finally time to celebrate!" He bounced off to the kitchenette and rummaged around in the fridge. He pulled out three beers and handed them out.

"Zack..." Cloud looked at the cheap beer in his hand and held back a grimace. "I can't get drunk." He told his friend, trying to hand the beverage back.

"Huh?" Zack looked at Cloud for a moment before turning to Sephiroth. "What about you?" He asked, absently pushing the beer back in to Cloud's hand.

Sephiroth shrugged. "I've never tried." He admitted, regarding the beer with curiosity.

"Well then! Time to try." Zack announced before turning back to Cloud, "I'm sure there's something that'll work on you..."

Cloud laughed and shook his head, handing the beer back to Zack, "I spent the last decade living in a bar." He told him, "I've probably tried everything available, and some things that haven't been made yet." He pointed out, "If Reno can't get me drunk, I very much doubt that you can."

"You used to drink with Reno?"

Cloud sat on the couch and looked up at Zack, "How do you always miss the point?" He questioned.

This was actually kind of nice. It had been a long time since they'd last all been together. It seemed like someone always had a mission to go on, or something came up. Cloud was glad that Zack had managed to get them all together like this. It was comfortable and after the last few days, Cloud found that he wanted to do nothing more than simply spend time with these men without having to worry about some end of the world bullshit for once.

He watched Zack's face go from disappointed to curious to disgruntled in a few short seconds and shrugged, "Sorry." He said. "But if I can't even get mako poisoning any more, I doubt that alcohol will work at all."

"Damn." Zack sighed and handed the beer to Sephiroth instead. The general just looked at the one already in his hand then back at Zack. "Man, I thought I was supposed to be the teenager." Zack muttered, opening one of the beers and guzzling it back. He put the empty on the table and opened the other one, sitting down on the couch. "C'mon Sephiroth, there's enough space for you too." He patted the cushion beside him, "Cloud's kinda tiny."

"Hey!" Why did it always come down to his height?

– – – – –

Zack had made a decent attempt at getting Sephiroth drunk, but just like Cloud had suspected, it hadn't worked. By early evening, Zack had consumed enough to be slightly buzzed, but the other two were stone cold sober. Cloud was a little regretful – it would have been nice to be able to use alcohol to let go – but the evening was still a good one.

Zack had dug out a dvd of some movie. Cloud hadn't seen many – it had seemed like a waste of power after Meteorfall, and he had no idea what movies he'd seen before hand. It hadn't seem important. Sephiroth simply never bothered.

Which meant that Zack had insisted that they watched a few, and had even managed to extract a promise from the other two that this would become a semi-regular thing.

They were nearing the end of another movie – some sort of action film with very little plot – when Cloud's PHS rang. With a frown, he dug it out of his pocket, but there was nothing on the screen and his pocket was still vibrating.

It was the phone he'd got for Zeke to call him. With a start, he stood and quickly fled to the other room in Zack's mini apartment, closing the door behind him and answering quietly.

"Zeke?" Cloud was anxious, worried, terrified. He'd told the boy to only use this phone in case of emergency. It was dangerous to contact each other too much – there was no way that Cloud would let Zeke fall into the hands of Shinra, even if he had to take the entire company out by himself.

"Hey da, sorry to call but... she needs to talk to us." There were only two beings in existence that Zeke would use that tone for, and Cloud's heart sunk to his stomach.

"I'll be right there." He said quietly, hanging up the phone.

He walked back in to the main room and gathered his sword. "I have to go somewhere." He told the other men, "Don't follow me." He warned, walking to the window. There was no way that he'd risk using the front door, not with where he was going. "Zack, leave your window open. I'll come back when I'm done."

He didn't wait for a reply before jumping.

– – – – – –