A/N: I swear, every chapter is like me arguing with myself on whether or not I should have kids. PS - I need to dedicate some serious imagination to a script for Nickelodeon, so I may not update for a bit.
CA$H ONLY
Chapter 4: $upply & Demand$
By: I Write Big
"Sorry, Short-Stuff," the waitress shrugged. "Phone lines are down. For the whole town somehow. You can use mine, if it's an emergency."
"Naw, don't worry 'bout it, toots." Donny watched the repair-rhino try to work the diner's payphone. To be honest, he had only come in to see if the place really did have one of those ancient machines like the sign outside claimed. The last one he had used was at some airport when he was a junior shrew. Back then, playing with shiny numbered buttons was fun according to his underage brain. Mostly because, without a quarter, the call wouldn't go through. That was the day young Donny learned you didn't need to pay to call the cops on a payphone.
"911, what's your emergency?" the operator on the other line had asked.
The shock of hearing another mammal was overtaken by a sudden sense that he had done something wrong. Pops had taught him to only bother the cops if it was a real emergency. Only squealers talked to cops without reason. Young Donny didn't know what a squealer was but he sure as hell didn't wanna be one. So, young Donny said nothing.
"Hello? Can you hear me?" the operator pressed. There was concern in their voice. "My computer's showing that you're calling from the international terminal of ZAX. Is that correct?"
Don't be a squealer Donny.
"I understand if it's too dangerous to talk, but you have to give me a sign. Do you need help?"
Don't be a squealer Donny.
"Donny?"
"GAH!" Donny screamed. His scarer was just his middle brother Fredo, munching on a pretzel.
"Understood, ma'am, help is on the way," informed the operator. Donny slammed the phone on the hook.
Fredo didn't seem to be worried by his brother's cry and tugged on his sleeve, "Come on, Donny. Pops says we're leaving."
He allowed himself to be dragged back to the baggage claim where his parents were loading up the cart. As they wheeled towards the exit, several dozen cops rushed through the doors and up the escalator to the part of the airport they had left behind. Donny was amazed by both the amount and speed they had came but tried not to show it.
His pops shook his head with a growl, "Somebody musta squealed."
Donny decided that was enough reminiscing and stepped out. He ran a thumb over the unresponsive cracked screen in his pocket. There was a phone store on the next block. He'd been meaning to upgrade.
"Fuck it," giggled Cash.
"Shut it," instructed Duke.
"Fuck it!" Cash let out a cheer, splaying her tiny paws in the air.
"Shut it!"
"FUCK IT!"
"Christ almighty! How am I supposed ta get ya around quietly if ya keep talkin' dirty?" Duke vented his frustrations while punching the train car walls. The train was one of those freight variety made up of nothing but steel block cars filled with random boxes. Duke had helped himself to a can of beans from one of the many crates. Cash, the little rascal, found his anger to be more hilarious than any Saturday morning cartoon. Duke groaned, this was getting him nowhere. Maybe what he needed to do was lay on the reverse psychology. "Fine, ya know what, say it. I don't care." He sat, letting his legs dangle off the edge of the open door. The passing ground barreled just beyond his toes. The damn flick knotted around his ankle whipped in the wind. He pretended to be interested in the boring blurry shrubbery. "Ya wanna talk like Duke? Knock yourself out. Talk like Duke."
At last, the brat didn't respond. Duke let out a silent breath of relief and ate a spoonful of beans.
"Doo..."
His jaw clenched. The baby shrew continued trying to form the new word.
"Doo… Doo...Duk—"
"I swear," Duke pointed his spoon in her face, "if ya say my name in a cute, adorable way, I will jump off dis train."
The baby only gave a blank, curious look and gurgled.
The weasel sighed. This whole thing had gotten way out of paw. All he had to do was drive South. That's it! In less than two days he had lost his free van, watched almost all his cash get shredded, picked up an angry shrew out for his blood, and then got chased out of Podunk by these crazy condiment families for some recipe. A recipe he supposedly had. No matter how hard he searched, though, he couldn't find a scrap of how to cook anything on him. Oh well, at least he got free baby supplies out of it. And a phone charger! Normally, he would lazily surf his feed to pass the time except there was nothing online but reminders of his kitnapping charges. No mammal seemed to be pointing fingers at him yet. That was good, at least.
Problem was he had no way of making his demands anonymously. Maybe there was an app that could scramble his number or something. As he searched, the train grinded to a halt. A distant puff of steam announced the engine was cooling down. Duke's eyes went wide.
"Oh no..."
Right in front of him was a sign outlined in a sickening pink. Across the wood were the haunting words: 'Welcome to Bunnyburrow!' Underneath, just to hammer it in, was a cartoonish carrot and a live population counter. Over 90 million cottontails! And it was still going up!
"HEY!" Duke screeched at the front car. "Get dis bucket of bolts movin'! Don't ya dare stop here!" He shuddered as he realized the sign itself was in the shape of giant bunny head. "Kick it inta high gear and let's go already!"
"No," called back a distant voice.
Duke facepalmed. 'Great, da conductor's a smartass.'
"Fuck it!" giggled Cash.
Duke's feet dragged through the loose dirt road. This run-down, hick-filled, rickety-ass town couldn't even afford pavement. What a joke! The baby carrier's hood was pulled shut. His face may not be broadcasted on every mammal's screen, but Cash's sure was. He spied the headlines on the passing cottontails' phones. They were everywhere. Short, fluffy, bucktoothed and numbering high enough to invade Zootopia. As he craned his neck to read one phone, he bumped into a bunny. He turned to find it was none other than the dastardly Officer Judy Hopps!
"Ah! Copper!"
The bunny blinked, "...Uh, you alright, dude?" she asked.
The pitch of her voice was a couple notes higher than he remembered. He bravely unfurled from his tactical fetal position and saw this bunny's eyes were green and she wore a misleadingly blue blouse. Not a blue cop uniform. Other than that, she was nearly identical to the real copper. "Oh, sorry, thought ya was someone else." Duke dusted himself off and turned… only to bump into Officer Judy Hopps!
"Ah!" Duke screamed.
It wasn't Officer Judy Hopps. "You okay?" the second nearly identical bunny asked.
Duke gripped at his pounding heart, "Peachy! I'm just peachy! Stepped on somethin' shaAHH!"
"What?" asked the third nearly identical bunny in a more masculine voice.
Duke stared, "Wait… you a guy?"
"Yeah, so?" the buck who looked like Judy Hopps folded his arms.
"Dat must suck."
"Shows what you know." He smirked, "All the does want the fembucks." The unnamed feminine buck strutted away with confidence, the other two does drooling after his shapely hips.
Duke tore himself from the oddly arousing sight. He had to get out of this place before he lost his mind! He needed a place without any bunnies! Luckily, he found that he was standing outside an abandoned building. He slipped in and pressed his back against the door.
"Okay, we'll lay low here for a while, Cash, and plan da next move."
He heard shuffling and creaking. It came from behind a shelf directly ahead. Probably some kits skipping school or bums shooting up. Nothing he couldn't handle.
With a mighty yawn, a portly, tall fox with his head hair parted down the middle sat up. He was clearly waking from a deep slumber and smacked his lips a couple times before sleepily turning to Duke.
The fox quirked his head, "Travis?"
"No!" Duke blurted, desperate to avoid a repeat of Podunk. "We ain't doin' dat and I ain't Travis!"
The fox's half-lidded eyes shot open and he gasped, "Customer! Tourist customer! With a family!" He stood up, doubling his already impressive height, and began wiping the top of the shelf with a rag. It was then that Duke realized the long shelf was actually a bar. All around him were booths and tables with chairs. This wasn't an abandoned building… He had snuck into an empty diner!
The fox finished and threw his arms up, "Welcome to 'Gideon Grey's Real Good Baked Stuff!'"
A couple seconds ticked by before Duke stuck his head through the door and inspected the outside. The building's gleam had faded, trash littered the corner and the windows were blotchy enough to hide the open sign and the stupidly long name. He came back in and said to who he assumed was Gideon Grey, "Ya know da outside of your place looks like a crack house, right?"
Gideon's enthusiasm deflated, "Well, sh-shh-shucks. I n-nn-nnn-never heard that b-bb-bbb-before."
"Whoa, slow down, pal. You're talkin' a mile a minute." Duke chuckled at his own quip but stopped when he noticed the fox wasn't joining him. In fact, he looked hurt. Duke rolled his eyes. He had forgotten how sensitive these country mammals could be. "Hey, I'm only kiddin' `round. Ya know, bustin' ya balls a li'l." He put on his best smile, "If I say somethin' too far, throw it right back at me. Come on, I can take it."
A bashful grin finally cracked on Gideon's muzzle, "N-nn-naw, I couldn't do that."
Duke pretended to be impressed, "Look at ya, a true gentlemammal. Don't get dose in da city. Ya said ya got eats?"
"Oh right, let me g-gg-grab you a mm-m-menu!" Gideon sprang to life and ran to the back room. With the coast clear, Duke's care dropped to annoyance. These kind of mammals were the worst! He plopped himself into a booth and hanged his head in his paws. He just knew he wouldn't get out of here without a headache.
A laminated sheet of paper was placed before him. "Th-thh-there you go. Might I recom-mm-mend the banana macadamia nut hot c-c-cakes." Duke ignored the selections. That can of beans had been filling and those juicy burgers from the Pickle, Picklle, Pikel gathering were still sitting well in his belly. He couldn't eat another bite. He was instead drawn to the deserted seats. Just outside were sidewalks flooded with hungry bunnies. In all his years on the streets, Duke had never worked with Nick Wilde. The guy had a taste for the overly complex plans. Duke preferred to keep things simple. However, with a little thought, the weasel believed he had found his answer.
"Does Bunnyburrow take naps afta' lunch? Where is everybody?" Duke feigned interest.
Gideon rubbed his neck, "Oh, well, you see, um, th-thh-this here place has m-mm-mmostly farmers. Meann-nn-nin' they can feed th-thh-their own. Usually, I-I-I-I make pastries for m-mm-mmmamals across t-t-t-town and..."
The cramp in Duke's neck was growing unbearable from the continuous nodding he was doing. Christ almighty, this fox talked slow and that stutter was like being stuck behind one of those plodding tractors with the brakes on. He eventually got the gist of the situation and waited for his opportunity.
"Sss-so I figured I could c-c-ccater to the visitor's m-mmarket."
"Tourists. Smart," Duke agreed. "How's dat goin'?"
"Not too swell," Gideon managed to hold his stutter for once. "Seems like no mammal knows I'm even here."
"Well dere's your problem, pal. No mammal can know you're here if ya don't advertise. All it takes is one good commercial."
"Commercial?" Gideon's eyes lit up.
Duke inwardly smirked. The bait had been taken; hook, line and sinker. "Sure! Once ya get word out about your..." Duke peered at the menu, "...Lemon Poppy Seed Pancakes, they'll flock over."
The fox's shoulders fell, "That s-ss-sounds like a dream b-bb-bbut I couldn't af-ff-ford that."
"Ya know what," Duke climbed onto the table, making himself eye-level with Gideon, "it's your lucky day. I happen ta be an expert of da, uh, cinemetactic arts and your fine eats have inspired me. I'll make da commercial for free and, together, we'll put 'Gideon Grey's Really Good Baked Things' on da map!"
"It's, um, 'Gideon Grey's Real Good Baked Stuff.'"
"We doin' dis or what?"
Gideon eagerly took Duke's paw and shook it in a bone crushing grip, "G-g-ggolly, mister, you are too good to be t-tt-true!"
Getting a crew was easy. Gideon had called his business partners, a pair of bunnies named Stu and Bonnie, and their huge family who were eager to help shoot a commercial. For no pay, to Duke's shock. The fox had even offered to compensate them in baked goods. They declined and said they were more than happy to help out their favorite baker. Duke concluded the only reason they would've agree to not take the free grub was because they were too full on carrots. The weasel was supervising from his hiding spot as his film crew scrubbed the diner clean and set up strips of aluminum foil to act as light sources. One of the hicks had even brought in his personal laptop to get good audio and everything. The weasel had never felt so giddy about a scam before. Usually, it was all dash and grab but conducting all these mammals at once was a new level of interesting. Sure, all the Hopps-lookalikes running around was a touch unnerving but it was also nice to actually be in control of a situation after the couple days he had.
"Mister, who's baby is that?"
"Huh?" Duke glanced at the glasses wearing li'l bunny who was obviously still in grade school. "Oh, dat's my daughter Cash."
The kit looked at his phone and then back at the baby who had been happily giggling up until now. "Isn't that the missing shrew Judy?"
"What're ya talkin' `bout? If dis was da missin' shrew, shouldn't she be back in Zootopia? Ya sayin' all shrews look da same?" He made his best accusatory glare.
"I've never seen a shrew before," the kit proclaimed as if he was proud of the fact.
"Well den, for your information, all shrews do look da same," Duke scoffed. "'Sides, if I was da kitnapper, which I'm not, why would I cast her in a commercial dat's gonna be broadcast ta all of Zootopia?"
The bunny nodded with that same eager yet blank smile, "That makes sense."
Duke returned the smile, "Right, I'd be pretty stupid ta do dat."
"You seem stupid."
Duke's smile morphed into a scowl. The li'l bunny's happy go-lucky face didn't change. Duke cleared his throat, "Why don't ya go help finish settin' up, Four-Eyes."
"Okay!" the newly named Four-Eyes skipped away with glee.
"And make sure everymammal turns off dere phones. We don't want no calls ruinin' da perfect shot," he added before grumbling over to Gideon who was running through the script. "Ya ready, pal?"
"You betcha!"
"Great! Here's your prop. A baby will really sell da wholesome feel." He handed both Cash and the thimble-sized bottle to him. "She can be a bit of a chatterbox, so distract her with dis. Don't forget ta tilt da head up." Duke turned back to the diner, "Alright, extras to your marks!" At his orders, the crew filled the chairs. "Roll audio!" One tall buck struggled to hold up a broom with a simple microphone taped to the end. Duke pulled out his phone and aimed the camera at Gideon. "Quiet on set! Marker!"
Four-Eyes raised a cutting board and read the words written on it with ketchup, "Shot 1-Avocado, take 1, mark." He slapped the top of the cutting board with a steak knife.
"And… action!"
The bunnies started silently acting like satisfied customers, cutting food that wasn't there, miming conversations. Duke panned the lens across the fluffy sea until he came to the tall, red star of the show. He centered the fox and signaled him to go.
"H-hh-hhh-hi th-thh-thhh-there, my n-nnn-nname's G-GG-GGideon—"
"CUT!"
Duke dragged a paw down his face in frustration. The bunnies awkwardly looked away from the embarrassed fox.
"That was terrible," Four-Eyes helpfully pointed out.
The weasel stepped towards Gideon, while pocketing his phone. His brow knit, his arms crossed. The big guy was too ashamed to stutter another word, finding himself unable to gaze anywhere except the floor. Duke stood before Gideon for some time before he finally spoke.
"I had a stutter."
Every ear perked towards the weasel, ensnared by his statement. None more so than Gideon who finally managed a peek.
"Lemme tell ya what happened..."
17 Years Ago:
Duke was nervous. Here he was, 10 years old, ready to have his first ever sleepover with both boys and girls. His parents had allowed it, as long as nobody left the house after dark. Going out the front door was forbidden. They had made it perfectly clear to every child present. Which was why, when he was dared to go outside and touch the fence, he had said no.
"Ya can't say no! It's 'Truth or Dare' and ya chose dare!" pointed out one of the children.
"Yeah, whatsa matta, Duke? Ya scared?" taunted another.
Duke made a mental note to never invite his popular classmates over ever again. They had easily riled up everyone else into egging him out the door under threat of being teased with name calling. Soon, his nerves got to him and he put his paw on the doorknob. The entrance swung open to the black, cold void. His still developing night vision let him see a fair distance, but he still preferred daylight. With trembling legs he walked down his cracked walkway. He knew this lawn. He passed the same broken dryer on the grass every day, but the quiet, empty night somehow made the world infinitely more terrifying. Anything could be hiding out here. Monsters… Burglars… Weasel-eating dragons… His pulse skyrocketed as his claws brushed the wire fence. Instantly, he spun around and bolted back into his house! He didn't care who saw how scared he was! He needed to be inside!
Duke slammed the door shut behind him, gulping down as much air his tiny lungs could. He noticed how none of the other children were congratulating him or making fun of him or anything. They were instead silently looking up at the grown weasel who had seen the entire thing.
"Duke, we told you not to go outside," his father said.
The young weasel barely nodded.
The older weasel sighed and pulled his disciplinary tools from his pocket, "Alright, you know how punishment works. Racquetball or ping pong ball. Choose one and bend over."
PRESENT:
"And he punished me, right den and dere, in front of all da others," Duke concluded his tale with a harrowing breath.
The several dozen bunnies stared. Most in confusion, one or two in disgust. "Wait, what did he do with the balls?" one asked.
"I feel like we focused on the wrong part of the story," commented Four-Eyes.
Duke looked up at Gideon with fire in his eyes, "Ever since den, I could never talk straight in front of others." He clambered onto a table and gripped the fox's shoulders, "But listen ta me now! Not a single slip! I got over it! I know how dis feels! I beat it and you can, too, Gideon!"
The words resonated with the fox. His shame and embarrassment melted away. Unwavering confidence took their place. His back straightened, his shoulders squared. Duke could see he was ready. He pulled out his camera and framed the shot.
"Action!"
The pen ran out of ink. Judy fruitlessly scratched her favorite carrot-shaped ballpoint, hoping to get some last couple of strokes onto the page. Her notepad was caked with jottings on the kitnapping case. Travis had given a thorough testimony before he refused to press charges and started adamantly defending Duke's actions. It was remarkable how kind-hearted the once thuggish ferret had become. Judy wondered, were the nicest mammals in the world all at some point bullies? It was the most sensible question about the case that racked her mind for the rest of the day. The least sensible was Duke's involvement. On the ride back to Zootopia, she had been trying to draw up an explanation. This continued throughout the day in her cubicle, while taking the train home and into the night. She was no closer to an answer. Without a writing instrument to release her thoughts, the bunny instead vented to her partner.
Judy clutched a pawful of head fur, "What motive could Duke possibly have to kitnap Judy Clawleone Big?"
"Money," came Nick's voice.
"Sure, it's the one thing he can't say no to. As long as he doesn't mind dealing with two giant crime families after him," she leaned back in her chair. "He's stupid, but he's not that stupid."
"Revenge."
She considered the possibility. Big did nearly ice him and holding grudges wasn't above the weasel but this was a step too far. This was getting them nowhere. They couldn't go to Bogo claiming that Weaselton, the Duke of Bootleg, within an hour of his release kitnapped the well-protected granddaughter of Big and got away with nothing to back them up except a single eye-witness! That's the weakest evidence there is! They defied the Chief! Went against his orders! They can't come back from that without results! She tossed the notepad aside and—
"Stew."
Judy started from his her cascading ideas, "Huh?"
Nick pointed his spoon towards the dinner table. "You threw your sleuth-book into the stew."
The bunny suddenly remembered that she was sitting across from Nick at a romantic setting. Well… it used to be romantic. Fresh roses once standing in a glittering vase now lay strewn across the floor, the tipped vase dripping water over the table edge. Brown globs of veggie stew splattered the wood in a splash formation. The center of the culinary explosion was the communal stew pot between them which now had a papery new ingredient sinking below the surface.
"Oh no!" Judy fished the pad out. The bottom half was stained to illegibility. Her theories, clues, notes… ruined.
"You can use mine. I copied most of your work."
A wave of guilt hit her as she saw the fox was covered in their dinner. "Nick! Your fur! Your shirt! I'm so sorry!" She scrambled to her tiny sink and wet a towel. She cursed herself a thousand times over as she tried to clean him up. She had done it again. Putting work ahead of Nick. Here he was, cooking her a loving meal and she's too busy obsessing about the case to notice she'd spilled that meal all over him.
His paw gently took her wrist. "Easy, Carrots. I think you got it." She hadn't realized how vigorously she had been scrubbing. His shirt was now spotless but soaked in tap water. Rather than have her give his fur the same treatment, Nick had opted to lick his jowls clean. "Mmm, now I'm handsome and delicious."
One of those signature smiles crossed his face. Judy held back the urge to laugh and return that joke with her own. Instead, she dug down deep and asked, "Why do you put up with me?" The first words had came out with a struggle but after them, the rest spilled uncontrollably. "You put in all this effort and I completely destroy everything! I ignore you for hours to work even after we've clocked out! I'm a terrible girlfriend!" Tears stung and she clenched her eyes shut to keep them from flowing.
"Y'up."
The pain stopped. In its place appeared shock and confusion as Judy looked at Nick. The fox was casually nodding in agreement.
"You're right." He counted on his claws, "You never stop working. You never suggest we do anything together as a couple. That's all me. You can't sing and I pray you never try to serenade me. Every single one of our conversations seem to revolve around cases. In fact, despite being an overly emotional bunny, the only thing you can seem to do when it comes to relationships is flirt." He thought for a second then clarified, "Second. Always second. You've never flirted first."
Judy took a step back. Of course she was an open book to the clever fox. Clearly, he was only sticking around her out of pity and—
"Now, me on the other paw? I'm a million times worse." Judy blinked at his comment. "I constantly play the cool, smart guy like I'm stuck in high school, don't I?" He leaned expectantly towards her.
"Um…" The conversation had taken an odd turn but now that the concept had been put into her mind, she couldn't help but remember the numerous childish ways Nick tried to act hip. "Kinda?"
Nick threw his arms up, "Right! Even though I'm an adult. Plus, I tease you." He shook his head in disgust. "Trying to get you to laugh at bad jokes or make you blush."
"Ugh!" Judy massaged her head at the memories of the endless barrage of innuendos and puns, "On an almost hourly basis."
"More like a minute a basis."
Multiple little grievances came to light. Too many to count. She voiced the most recent one, "And to top it all off, your breath reeks of coffee all day because you refuse to brush in the morning!"
"I am a terrible boyfriend!"
Quiet.
She stared at him, wide-eyed. Only the final drip drops of the vase water was heard.
"No, you're not!" Judy roared in anger. "Those are things I love about you!"
"Oh yeah?!"
"Yeah!"
"Well, guess what, the working, the bad singing? Those are the things I love about you!" Nick shouted back.
"Great, you both love each other!" a muffled voice boomed through the wall. "Now, kiss and shut up!"
A second muffled voice joined him, "You shut up, Pronk. They're still getting used to dating!"
"No, you shut up!"
"You!"
"You!"
As her neighbors devolved into another endless argument, Judy realized the shouting match had left her winded, exhausted and… relieved. The tensions and stress from the day were gone. She watched in astonishment as that knowing smirk returned to Nick's face. The one that told her he had been leading her on the whole time. An odd yet completely Nick way of allowing her to let off steam. She fell forward, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. His paws stroked her ears and with those strokes her doubts and worries evaporated.
"Thank you," she sighed.
"Anytime."
It really seemed like the perfect time for the second kiss. The mood was right. They were holding each other tight. And that desire to prove she could be romantic remained, resting somewhere deep inside, pestering to get out. But for now, she was just happy to be near him. Still, one last question lingered, "...How are you so calm? Why aren't you worried for li'l Judy?"
He shrugged, "Because it's Duke."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"You only know Duke as the loudmouth thief but I know him as a mammal. As long as she's with Duke, nothing bad will happen to li'l Judy. Trust me, there's a reason why that weasel only pirates family films."
Duke's fingers flew across the keyboard. After wrapping the shoot, he had been hard at work on Gideon's computer. The old device was limited by its standard bare-bones video clip editor, but that wasn't gonna get in his way. He had worked tirelessly, not even stopping when Gideon called for supper. In truth, he had arranged the footage the way he needed hours ago. However, he kept coming back to make minor changes. Some tweak to the color. A little more flare to the text. It had been ages since he could play around with footage.
In fact, it was 17 years ago…
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED 17 YEARS AGO:
"Choose one and bend over," Duke narrated while shaking the crummy action figure to simulate talking. He stopped the family camcorder and started repositioning for the next shot. The scratched, stained wooden floor served as the miniature living room for the sleepover that only existed in his imagination. The various knick knacks and broken toys filled in for the classmates who would never come over. Some were missing arms, had faded colors or even melted faces. Nothing like the toys he saw the other kits bring to class. Asking to borrow one would only get him accusations of weaseling them out of their good toys, so he learned to love his melted plastic. Especially after he discovered his dad's camera.
After school, he would always rush home to record the next chapter of Derek, Fighter of Invading Aliens, Daring Explorer of Space, and the one weasel in the universe who could stay up past his bedtime! So far he catalogued Derek's discovery of over 29 planets, but never had he faced the a terror like the powerful emperor Fator!
Duke laid on his belly, aiming the camera lens up at the malicious Fator action figure, "Choose your fate, Derek!" The fiend had just sentenced the clearly innocent Derek and the hero had to make his escape. This called for an epic shot! Duke needed to be higher. His sights fell on his dad's desk. This was why he liked using his dad's study even though he wasn't supposed to.
Pulling the drawers out and using them as steps, the young weasel climbed to the top. He now had a majestic view of the entire room. Duke felt like he was looking through the eyes of a giraffe. He pressed record and framed action figures down below, when his foot slipped on a stray paper. He regained his balance and snagged the paper before it could fly away. He didn't mean to read it, there were too many words and zero pictures. But this page had a particular word at the top. A word he had only just learned how to spell. It was his name.
Thumps approached and his ears swiveled towards the door. Duke jumped to the floor, scooped up his toys and hid behind the door. It swung open and his dad stomped in, yelling at his phone, "I've been makin' every payment on time! Double even, in cash! Dey can't just raise da interest like they're loan sharks or somethin'!"
Duke tiptoed around the open door into the hall. If he got caught in the study, he'd be so grounded. Duke didn't breathe until he was on the other side. There was the click of the phone being hung up and he heard his dad mutter, "This ain't never gonna end." Duke dared to peek. His dad was rubbing his salt & pepper hair as he looked over the page with Duke's name on it. From this angle the grown weasel's face was hidden, but his shoulders were… shaking. Duke turned on the camera's playback and rewound to the paper. Most of the words were too many and too big for him. He would at a later year be able to decipher them as various items listed under his name like 'hospital bills,' 'education,' 'broken window' and it would be even later before he realized his dad's shoulder shaking was the trembling of a crying mammal. What he did recognize were the huge numbers next to the words. There were so many zeroes.
So... many... zeroes...
Under his name.
PRESENT:
A shudder rattled through Duke's body before he turned his attention back to the screen. "Almost done, Cash," Duke stretched his body and squinted his dry eyeballs. "Jussa couple more touches and we'll be in business."
The baby shrew grumbled in her carrier. The grumble grew into a whine. And then the whine exploded. "WAAAAA!"
"Hey! Whoa!" Duke scrambled from the computer. Folding his ears down tightly, he leaned his nose towards the child, "What? Ya don't need changin'? Ya hungry?" He offered the tiny bottle but she kept wailing. "Don't tell me ya bored again! I ain't your personal slapstick machine!"
"MAAAMAAAAAAA! MAAAMAAAAA!"
Duke went cold. This was bad. He couldn't let Gideon hear this. It would open up a whole can of worms about a family backstory he hadn't made up yet. He felt the snag of the film knotted around his ankle and he remembered the mother tiger holding the child weasel close. He scooped up the shrew and cradled her on his shoulder. The pain streaking through his eardrums was immense.
"Shh, shh, it's okay. I gotcha. Duke's here. Don't cry. I'm gettin' ya ta mama. You'll see her soon. I gotcha." He tried to make the random promises sound as peaceful and calming as possible. To his surprise the baby quieted down to sniffles and burrowed her tiny nose in his fur. "That's it. You're safe. Don'tcha dare bite me or I'll toss ya down da stairs. Shh… Shh..." Satisfied, he moved to put her back in the carrier so he could go back to the computer. Duke found, though, that he could not. Mini shrew claws clung to him like a vice. He tugged again. She clung harder. He let his arms drop. The furball was stuck there like a big fluffy zit.
"Terrific."
A square of color caught his attention. On the shelf nearby was a dazzling children's book with a cartoonish creature on the cover. With a heavy groan, Duke grabbed the book and took a seat.
"Hey," he prodded the zit. "Ya gonna stay dere all night? Ya do dat and ya gonna miss da Dr. Zoos story." He opened the old tome to the first bedazzling page, "Ooh, look at dat. Pretty, right?" He spied her nose poking out of his shoulder. "Ya know, Dr. Zoos ain't a real a doc. He pretends ta be one when he's actually a crazy poet who makes up words when he writes himself into a corner. Messed up words like thneeds and schloppity-schlopp." Cash was now reaching towards the magical pages. "Yeah, ya dumb kits always love dis stupid shit. Well, ya seem ta be interested. Let's give it a read. What's dis one called?"
One book later:
"Y-y-you're off ta Great P-PPP-Places! Today is y-y-your day! Your mountain is w-www-waitin'. Ss-so, get on your way!" Duke blubbered through his tears and shut the book. His face was a wreck, snot rolled out of his nose. "Christ Almighty! Dat was so beautiful!" he choked.
Li'l Judy snoozed through the grown mammal's cries.
The store door slammed shut behind him. "Up yours, asshole!" Donny gave the lemur inside the finger. His tiny almost microscopic paw did not have the desired effect. He mumbled obscenities as he swiped through his contacts and finally made it to the P's.
"Pops!" he cheered when the line was picked up.
"Donny? Boy, where have ya been? No one's seen ya since yesterday—"
"Yeah yeah, sorry, Pops. My phone got busted, I had to get a new one, but this nowhere town's got wi-fi slower than gran-gran's drivin'. I had to wait all day 'fore my info transferred." He gave another strong finger to the good-for-nothing phone shop. "But that's not the point! I found li'l Judy!"
"You what?!"
"This dumbass weasel's got her. I lost him in Podunk but he can't've gotten far. You gotta send everyone down here!" Donny was getting pumped. He couldn't wait to see the look on that weasel's mug when he showed up with the entire Clawloene family behind him. He imagined it'd be the best beating ever. It was at this point he realized that his father hadn't responded. "Pops?"
"Have you told anyone?"
"Uh, no, I haven't… Aw, fuck, you don't want me to call the Bigs, do ya?" he growled.
"Donny, listen to me very carefully. You can't tell no one."
"What?! What the fuck are you— What about li'l—"
"Donny! What have I always told you?"
Donny's chest tightened. The night air turned more frigid than Tundratown.
"Don't be a squealer, Donny."
END CHAPTER FOUR
In 1991, we lost one of the greatest authors of them all. A writer who touched our hearts and made us smile with fun rhymes and even funnier made up words. He spun stories so simple yet so true. Tales for children that told jokes not to make fun of others but instead to teach fairness and justice. They were meant for children, so why do they still inspire me?
"Because, after all, a person's a person, no matter how small."
-Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-1991)
