To the Morrow, For the Past

Chapter 19 – A New Party

It was exactly like his nightmares. The sea of green pressing against him, crushing him, invading his lungs, his body, filtering the world through a green haze. He couldn't move, his body wouldn't follow any of his commands. Beyond the green, beyond the glass, he could see that face, the man who wouldn't stay dead, who haunted his every sleeping moment.

Cloud tried to call out, to reach up and break the glass, but he couldn't. His body was paralysed, able to do nothing but float. All he could do was watch Hojo, listen to his voice muffled by mako and glass.

Cloud tried desperately to wake up.

– – – – – – –

Time didn't have meaning in the mako tubes. It could have been hours, it could have been years. Cloud didn't know how long he'd been there, or if anyone had even noticed he was missing. His mission was supposed to take five days, but he'd never even made it to the Northern Continent. It would be days before anybody realised he was gone, days before anybody would come looking for him. If they did at all.

He needed help. He wasn't stupid and his ego wasn't too big for him to admit that. He needed to alert someone that he had been captured, that Hojo had him. That he was in trouble. But he couldn't move. He couldn't call anyone.

Hadn't Aerith said something about a connection between him and Sephiroth? Something about being able to find each other? Maybe he could use that? But Cloud had no idea how. It was too difficult to think in the tank, he couldn't keep his thoughts in order.

Maybe it was like Jenova. The way she'd called to the rest of her cells. Maybe he could try doing something like that? He'd felt the call, knew what it was like to hear the beckoning. But how did you do that the other way around?

First, he had to relax. Panic wasn't going to help anything. He had a plan now. Focus on that. Focus. He tried to think of Sephiroth, of the man that he'd been through so much with in so many different times. He tried to feel out to him... but his feelings were a jumbled. He had no idea what he felt towards the man, it was all just a confused mess. He needed to use his emotions, but if he didn't know what they were...

An image popped into his head. Not of a man in his twenties, not of the seasoned warrior. But of a small boy, smiling up at him and showing him his new stuffed chocobo. Of a boy, two years old, learning how to tend to flowers. His mind showed him the young man who had come back into his life so recently and he knew. He knew what he felt for that boy.

With everything he had, he concentrated on that, letting his love flow through him. He didn't know what to do with it, but he could try to get the message out. Hopefully Zeke would send help.

– – – – – – –

Cold. The first thing he noticed was that he was cold. His skin seemed to be wet and he was laying on freezing concrete. But there was a warmth blossoming in his chest, moving quickly and reaching for his extremities, bringing feeling back in to them. With the feeling, came the itching. It was a familiar sensation, one that he'd hoped to never feel again.

Had he been poisoned by mako? What had happened?

He could hear voices. No longer muffled by glass and mako. Was he out of the tanks? He concentrated on the voices. There was a woman... no... He ignored that one. The others... his friends?

His eyes. He could open them. Slowly, he did and he heard a small gasp beside him. Aerith. His eyes looked for hers, but they were looking elsewhere. He followed them and the sight before him was enough to shake him out of his shock.

"Disarm!" He found himself shouting. Zeke was stood with his sword at Hojo's throat. Cloud didn't really blame the boy, but he also didn't want his son to become a killer. The boy had been through enough in his life, he didn't need that kind of guilt. "Zeke, Disarm."

The boy wavered, but didn't do as he was told. "Zack Strife, put your weapon down!" He forced his voice to be stronger than he felt. He needed to get through to him. Sephiroth and Zack were on either side of him, both watching Hojo intently, ready to strike if they needed to.

His tone, or maybe the use of the boys full name, finally got through and Zeke disappeared his weapon and knocked the scientist out. He turned and rushing at him. "Dad!" The voice was full of relief, and with Aerith's help, Cloud sat up in time to catch the boy in his arms.

"Hey buddy," He used shaking limbs to pull the boy on to his lap, "What're you doing here?" Zeke scrambled out of his lap and he and Aerith helped Cloud up. That was when it truly clicked for him just who was in the room. "What are any of you doing here?" He'd intended on Zeke calling for help. He didn't expect that Shinra would send their best SOLDIER's after him.

"We came to look for you, silly." Aerith said, taking his arm and putting it around her shoulders. On his other side, Zeke did the same. "We should get out of here. I don't like this place."

Cloud didn't like this place either. And he certainly didn't like any of his friends being here. Too many memories were wrapped up in this place. Too many bad memories.

He let the others help him walk. He was still feeling pretty groggy and out of it, and his skin was burning with a thousand itches.

– – – – – – – –

The second they got in to the inn, Cloud headed straight for the bathroom, stripping as he went. He needed a shower, to get all the mako off him. He'd been in the room less than a minute when the door opened and Zack walked in. "The others are worried you'll collapse." He said, "Given everything that's going on... I figured I'd be the person you'd be least uncomfortable with keeping watch- I mean, making sure that you're not gonna fall down and break your head open or drown or something -not watching watching."

Cloud couldn't help the tired chuckle. Zack was still Zack. "I get it." He told the floundering man. There was a shower curtain between them anyway. "You should probably wash up when I'm done too." He told him, remembering how Zack had been covered in mako too.

"I feel fine." There was a question in that tone of voice. "How come you weren't?" He asked quietly, "I mean, you're immune to mako poisoning, right? So how come you were out cold when we got to you?"

It was a good question, but Cloud was just too tired to think of an answer. His head was pounding and there was still that small voice in the back of his head. It was telling him to take revenge, to kill Hojo. To lock him in his lab and burn it down.

Shaking his head, he ignored the voice, taking a breath. "I don't know, Zack." He told the other man, "I'm too tired to think right now." Really, he shouldn't have been this tired.

He shut the water off and stepped out of the shower, smirking slightly as Zack averted his gaze and handed Cloud a towel. "I uh- I should go find you something to wear." He muttered, inching his way towards the door. Cloud just let him go, wondering how a military man could be so embarrassed about a naked body.

Wrapping the towel around his waist, Cloud walked in to the room that they had apparently rented. His friends were gathered there. Sephiroth, Aerith, Zeke.

His head pounded and he raised a hand to it, grimacing, as he made his way to sit on a bed. When he opened his eyes, he noticed a pinched look on Sephiroth's face and a determined one on Zeke's. So they could feel it too. It had taken Cloud a minute or two to place the feeling, but now he knew.

"That's Jenova." Cloud told the two silver haired males. "Pushing up against your mind, trying to break her way in. Any negative thoughts, and she'll latch on to them." He rubbed at the back of his head and leaned heavily against the headboard.

There was a dip in the bed and a timid hand came to rest on his chest, above his heart. Cloud turned his gaze to the hand and followed it up to the arm, to Zeke. "Hey buddy," He said quietly, reaching forward and pulling his boy into his lap again. This time, Zeke stayed there, his head resting on Cloud's chest.

"I heard you." He said quietly, his voice hitching and trembling, "You called out to me and I heard you and I didn't know where you were and I saw Hojo and green and then I thought you might be here and I didn't know what to do and I went to Zack -like you told me to if I needed help - and you weren't there and I didn't know how to get him to believe me and come here so I told him that the planet had told me where to find you and that I had to come too and that if he left me behind I'd come on my own and that you'd be mad and I lied to him and said that I would probably get hurt-"

He had to stop his rambling long enough to take a breath and to let out a sob. Cloud had managed to follow some of that, but not all of it. It didn't matter right now, what mattered was that his son was hurting and Cloud could help. He held the boy tightly against his chest and started rocking, making the shushhing sounds he'd used when Zeke had been a toddler.

"It's okay buddy. I'm okay. You did good." He reassured the boy. He repeated that a few times in a quiet voice and eventually, Zeke's words stopped and were replaced by heavy sobs. Cloud's heart broke as he remembered just how young the boy was, and how much he'd gone through. "You're okay."

It took some time, but eventually Zeke had calmed down. His tears had stopped falling and his breath had evened into something less panicked. Cloud still didn't let him go. By this point, Zack had come back with a few changes of clothes and had gone for a shower himself.

It was late evening before they were all together again, sitting in the small multi-bed room.

"So..." Zack was the first to speak. He was sitting on the next bed from Cloud and Zeke, and was watching them with a curious look. "You're Cloud's son..."

Cloud felt Zeke's nod against his chest, but the boy didn't say anything else.

"But... I thought he was like... five?" Zack asked Cloud this time.

Cloud shrugged, "Time travel." He said, "He was five when I left." His hand was gently rubbing at Zeke's back. He longed to run it through his son's hair, but the boy had been careful about keeping his hat on. "Older when he left."

Zack nodded, taking that information in. "You called him Zack."

Cloud nodded again. "That's his name." He said simply, "When he got here, he chose the nickname Zeke."

"Okay. Okay." Zack was nodding but looked like he still had questions. He then turned to Aerith. "How do you know so much about what's going on?" He asked.

She blinked at him as if surprised at the question. She paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to articulate what had happened, "Cloud needed help." She said, "The planet couldn't contact him, but she could contact me. She needed to tell Cloud his mission... So she gave me everything I needed to know."

Zack nodded again before shaking his head, "So what, the planet just told you all that stuff?" He asked, "But not how to help him?"

Aerith sighed, "The planet gave me the memories of the Aerith from his world." She told him, "That was easier to do than to brief me on everything that's happened."

There was silence, and Zack looked from Aerith to Cloud and back to Aerith. He pinched his nose before throwing himself back on to the bed. "Man, this whole thing gives me a headache." He muttered.

Sephiroth spoke up for the first time, "Being in this town is giving me a headache."

Cloud had to agree and was about to say something, when there was a muffled noise from the closet. He gave Sephiroth a confused look and the younger SOLDIER just sighed. "Aerith, if you would..." He gestured at the cupboard and she nodded, closing her eyes for a moment. The muffled banging stopped and Cloud regarded Aerith for a moment.

She shrugged, "Hojo." She told him, "It's better if I keep him quiet." She held up the materia in her hand. "I keep putting him to sleep..." For some reason, it didn't surprise Cloud that she could cast magic at a target in another room. She was very skilled with materia use, and Cloud remembered her being able to cast quickly and easily.

What did surprise him, and made him a little nervous, was the fact that apparently Sephiroth and Aerith were getting along, even comfortable in each other's company. It also surprised him how not anxious he was. He had thought that if he'd seen Aerith and Sephiroth together, he would probably freak out, at least a little, but he hadn't.

"We should leave." Cloud said, the prickling in the back of his mind getting stronger. "Go somewhere else for the night. Gather our thoughts." He nudged at Zeke a little, gently placing the now sleeping boy on the bed while he put on the clothes that Zack had found him.

"Technically," Zack muttered, "Sephiroth and I are on a mission. We're supposed to be taking care of the dragons on the mountain."

"No." Cloud paused, shirt half way on. "We can't. Jenova is in the reactor." He told them, "Zeke, Sephiroth and I shouldn't go anywhere near it."

"I'll go." Zack sat up, "I can take care of it and meet you guys somewhere else."

Cloud nodded, "Go for the underbelly." He told him, "Watch the breath. It can burn or freeze depending on the dragon. Don't use elemental magic. They're mostly immune to status effects." He hoped his memories were accurate. It'd been a long time since he'd last been in the Nibel mountains. "Watch out for the tail." He added.

Zack nodded, taking all the information in. He was a SOLDIER. Knowing what was coming was always invaluable, especially if it was coming from a native.

"Um..." Aerith spoke up after a moment. "What about Hojo?" She asked, eyes going to the closet.

Cloud had half a mind to leave him there. To burn the inn down around him and watch as he suffered. He shook his head, pushing that thought away. He refused to give in to Jenova's influence.

"We should just throw him off a cliff." Sephiroth said, "Into a dragons nest. After covering him with bees."

Okay. So maybe Sephiroth was having a harder time identifying Jenova's influences than Cloud. But at least that was better than burning the whole town down, right? "Block her out." Cloud said quietly. "Or she'll use your wrath." He added.

Sephiroth gave him a confused look for a moment, before it dawned on him and he scowled. It wasn't comfortable having someone else in your mind – especially when you didn't realise it.

"We take him with us." Cloud said after a moment. "Right now, the only people here that we can be sure are thinking right are Aerith and Zack." He turned to look at them. "Zack's going to take out the dragons," He turned his gaze to Aerith, "Which means that you're the only one not susceptible to Jenova. That puts you in charge." He told her, "At least until we're far enough away to ignore her.

Eyes wide and a little afraid, Aerith nodded, her determination shining through.

"Right. Okay then. That makes sense I suppose." She turned to look at Sephiroth, as if waiting for his objection. He shook his head and gestured for her to continue. "Well then... We take him with us. Until you guys are yourselves again and you can decide what to do with him." She was nervous, and Cloud felt bad about putting her in charge, but it couldn't be helped.

"So where do we go?" She asked.

When they'd last travelled here, they'd gone to Rocket Town over the mountains. That wasn't an option in this case – they'd have to pass the reactor to get through the mountains – but there weren't really any close by towns. Cloud frowned for a moment, trying to remember what had been around at this time.

"I think... the next closest town is Cosmo Canyon... but that's a few days away on foot..."

"We have a helicopter." Sephiroth told him, "we're here on a mission, after all." Right. That made sense.

"In that case..." Cloud closed his eyes, remembering the world map from his travels and deliveries. There were a few differences in the future, but not many. "We can probably camp outside of town for the night while Zack takes care of the dragons. He can bring the helicopter to us when he's done. We can figure out our next move from there and if we need to, we can move on to Cosmo Canyon."

"How far away do we need to go?" Sephiroth asked, hand rubbing at his temples.

"I don't know." Cloud said truthfully. "Maybe half a days walk?" The truth was, Jenova could reach them anywhere, but the further away they were, the harder she had to work for it. Cloud didn't know of a single place on the planet that was safe from her reach.

But it wouldn't do to tell Sephiroth that. There was no need to worry the man, or scare him. Not at this point.

"We'll head south." He said, "Down towards Cosmo Canyon." There were nods all around and Cloud finished getting dressed.

He leaned down over the bed and gently shook Zeke. "Hey buddy," He said quietly, "Time to get up. C'mon, we're leaving."

"Thank Gaia." Zeke muttered, sitting up and holding his head in his hands.

– – – – – – – – –

Before they split up, Cloud pulled Zack aside. He handed the man a sheet of paper. "If you get a chance..." He said quietly, making sure the others didn't hear him. "Go back in to the mansion. There's a door on the side of the corridor that leads to the labs. Inside, you'll find a man sleeping in a coffin. Tell him that Lucrecia's son is alive and give him this. Tell him that he'll find her sleeping here."

Zack gave Cloud an odd look but took the paper, "Okay," He agreed, holding his questions. Cloud nodded in thanks and caught up to the others at the village gates.

– – – – – – – – – –

The more distance they put between themselves and Nibelheim, the better Cloud was feeling. Each step took away some of the pain and pressure and made the next step easier. He see in the expressions of the others that they were feeling the same way. Even Aerith seemed to be feeling better the further they got.

After around half a days walk, Aerith stopped and sat down. "Here." She decided, "We'll camp here."

They were in a wide open area in the planes and there was nothing around for miles. In the distance, Cloud could see a slither of ocean. But they were far enough away from the town that he could breathe again, and that his mind was clear. They would also be easily spotted from the air, when Zack would be ready to join them.

– – – – – – – – – – – –

The fire was crackling merrily in the centre of their camp, and Cloud was watching it from afar. He'd taken a few moments to himself, to gather his thoughts and remind himself that he was with his friends, that he wasn't in Hojo's lab any more.

The cold helped him. It helped him focus on the here and now, on the bitter wind creeping under his collar, it grounded him in reality. He'd been sitting alone for maybe five minutes before someone joined him.

"He doesn't look much like you." Sephiroth's voice was quiet in the dark.

"He's adopted." He could feel Sephiroth sit beside him, not quite close enough to touch, but close enough for Cloud to feel the warmth coming off him.

"He looks like me." Sephiroth continued. "Cloud... how many different timelines have you been to?" He asked.

"Three." Cloud closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a breath before opening them and turning to Sephiroth. The man's face was blank, the fire reflecting off his skin and making him seem less pale. Cloud had to shake off memories of another time that Sephiroth had looked like that. "Zeke is another version of you." He said quietly, "I took him from Hojo when he was two weeks old."

Quiet fell over them for a time and Sephiroth nodded. "I think I understand." He said quietly, finally turning to meet Cloud's eyes. "Why you are so conflicted with my... feelings for you."

Tensely, Cloud nodded. "There's more." He muttered, "You know how I said that the Sephiroth from my time went insane and I had to kill him?"

"Yes."

"There are three versions of you in my memories." He told Sephiroth, eyes going back to the fire. He watched Aerith and Zeke for a moment – she laughed at something and Zeke scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "The one that I knew first... he was insane. He'd let himself become a monster. He hunted me, killed my friends, destroyed my town. He came damn close to destroying the world.

"But then... There's the second version of you I knew." He smiled lightly, "The boy who's first steps were used to wonder off and get lost, the little boy who teethed on metal because plastic would break, the two year old that would scold anybody for not taking proper care around flowers. The little boy who loved to ride chocobos and named his stuffed toys and pets after food." He missed his baby. He had Zeke, his little boy back, but he would always miss those four years he hadn't been able to see.

"And then there's you." He turned his look at Sephiroth again. The man had been watching the others at the fire, but when he felt Cloud's gaze on him, he turned to meet it.

"The man that decided he would be my friend. The man that shares his coffee stash with me, the man that travelled half way around the world to save me from my worst nightmares on the words of a boy he didn't know." He shook his head, hardily able to believe that one. "The man who challenges me, who keeps me on my toes." He looked back at the fire. "The man who burned a shirt beyond recognition because it was a threat to me." He added with a small smile.

"All three versions of you are different, but you all have similarities. I know that I can push them all aside enough for us to be friends. To be good friends. But... When I look at you, I see all three of those Sephiroths. I see everything each of you have done and I try to keep it separate, but it's not always easy."

"You're worried that you will always see a part of me as a monster?" Sephiroth questioned after a long while and Cloud shook his head.

"No. I'm always worried that I will see you as my son." He told him, "The monster... that monster could be there. If you let it be. But I don't think you will... Not this you. And if you do... I'm there to stop you. But I can see the kindness I couldn't see before. I can see you for the good man you are, and I see that in him too." He was watching Zeke again.

The boy was running around and jumping, talking to Aerith quickly and animatedly, apparently doing impressions of Yuffie. He was finally acting like the child he truly was.

There was quiet for a while and they both watched the two by the fire. "I think I'm beginning to understand." Sephiroth eventually said, voice still quiet. "Perhaps... If you see Zeke and I interact more, you may see us as different people."

Cloud let himself shrug, "I don't know Sephiroth." He said, "I wish I could tell you that I could be what you want but... I don't know." Even given a lot of time, even seeing Sephiroth spend time with his son, Cloud wasn't sure if he could ever truly see them as different people.

He'd managed to separate the Sephiroth from his time from both of these people, but that was a lot easier. He'd grown to hate that Sephiroth, to despise him, and that had made it so much easier to see these two as different. He couldn't hate them, not if he tried. He loved each of them, in their own way, and it was just too confusing for him.

Maybe one day, he'd be able to give Sephiroth a chance, but at this point, Cloud didn't know if that day would ever actually come.

– – – – – – –