I was swirling through my mind, my head aching as black nothingness whirled around me. I was stuck in my head, the last thing Shan had said to me ringing in my ears. I've heard someone tell me that before. Several people in fact. But that was so long ago, so far into the past that I've truly forgotten who I was and what I stood for. Who was I? Why wasn't I normal? Was that a bad thing? I just didn't understand anymore … why couldn't I be a regular human being? My surroundings shook, a bright light swirling around me as I my body began to fall, the light getting brighter and brighter as I grasped my hand out for something, anything to keep me afloat but I found nothing. I was free falling, the blackness quickly fading into something else. Where was I going? Was I waking up already? No I couldn't be … this felt different, too dreamlike. I closed my eyes waiting for my body to make impact, somewhere, but nothing seemed to be happening, that is until the feeling of smooth marble seemed to press against my palm. I opened my eyes, looking down at the greeny blue marble, my bruised face reflecting back at me as I stared in awe. I had transported … but why? I stood up, walking carefully out into the hall, looking around at my surroundings for the first time. The high glass ceiling that nearly scared me out of my wits as a child, the beige walls that I often carved designs into with a kitchen knife, and of course the looming black door that seemed to scream 'Do Not Enter' that I often would play hide and seek in when I was a very young girl. There was no mistaken, I was in my childhood home. I was living out a memory. I followed the sounds of music, my feet dancing along as I made my way to the dining room. I watched my eyes taking everything in from the dancing couples to the group of people surrounding two people that seemed to be yelling. I walked closer, the sounds becoming more clearer as I walked through the crowd to see my mother and a young girl with jet black hair and eyes piercing as a diamond. I remembered this day, oh, I remembered it so clearly. It had been close to twenty three years ago, but the memory was as clear in my mind as if it was yesterday.
"Apologize and go to your room this instant!" The younger version of my mother screamed, her eyes filled to the brim with fury.
"But it's true mother, the makeup she is wearing has a high amount of parabens in it that can lead to cancer. It's been proven that ninety-nine percent of breast cancer in the past five years had been linked to that exact brand of makeup. And she obviously recently cheated on her husband because she …"
"I don't care, nor did I ask. Now apologize to Mrs. Mackenzie and go straight to your room!" She screamed once again, glaring at the younger version of me, tears brimming in my eyes as I noticed the vast amount of hatred in her voice.
"Why should I have to go to my room when I've done nothing wrong? I'm simply stating the facts, Mrs. Mackenzie has breast cancer and is cheating on her husband … it isn't my fault she has what she has or did what she did. If anything Mrs. Mackenzie should go to her room."
"GO TO YOUR ROOM OR ELSE!" My mother boomed, her voice causing even the glass chandelier to shake. She was angry … very angry at me.
"'Or else' is simply a term parents use when they can't come up with a punishment. It is not a threat in any way shape or form, in fact it's rather contradictory considering the fact that it is saying to do one thing or the other … it is simply not a demand and rather a choice." My younger self stated, crossing her arms in a very dignified manner.
"Why can't you just be normal child?!" My mother screamed, covering her hand with her face as if she were disappointed. It wasn't my fault that I hadn't understood not to deduce people right in front of them. I was a child with no friends, and the intellect of Einstein. I didn't understand anything then. I was too young. I watched, tears streaming down my face as a young blond haired boy walked through the crowd and grabbed younger me's hand trying to rescue me from my mother's rage.
"Let's go Bree, it's way past our bedtime and I still have to read to you." The boy stated, kindly leading younger me away from the crowd and my angry mother. I followed the pair, my feet betraying the rest of my body as I walked up the luxurious stairway to what I knew to be my childhood bedroom. I stood in the doorway watching the two, drops of salty tears staining my cheeks.
"Why was mum so mad at me? I always get yelled at for doing absolutely nothing." The younger me mentioned, staring at the boy in confusion.
"Well, um … you seem to know very personal things about people and you say those really personal things out loud …"
"No, I don't know, I notice. It's called deduction." The younger me said rolling her eyes, as if she were annoyed at the mistake.
"Well, the reason mum yells at you so much is because the things that you deduce are really personal and rude to say out loud." The boy stated, leading my younger self towards my old old bathroom.
"I was trying to help Mrs. Mackenzie. Someone had to tell her that she had cancer, otherwise she wouldn't have had even a 0.1 chance of survival. I just saved her life." My younger self claimed, turning back to the boy.
"I know you did. But some people don't want to be told things like that out of nowhere." The boy replied, a small smile on his face as he explained to my younger self exactly why our mother was so upset with me. See … I may not have had friends to tell me what was wrong and what was right. But I did have this boy, this amazing brother named John that was always there for me to explain what I didn't understand, or explain right from wrong, and no matter what the case he was there for me. This boy was John. My John. The perfect older brother, and the best sibling I could ever ask for.
"Oh … I see." My younger self replied, looking down at the ground as if ashamed by her previous actions. I had to admit, I was really upset and confused that day, and if not for John I would have surely ended up doing something I'd regret. He had saved me in more ways then he could have ever imagined, and I don't think he could ever quite grasp just how much he'd change my life. Everything I was and every choice I made was all because of John. My brother.
"Now go brush your teeth and I'll get the story out." Young John replied, snapping my current self out of my thoughts.
"Alright." My younger self replied, turning to head to the bathroom, before turning back to John, her eyes almost seeming conflicted.
"Am I really not normal?" She questioned, her tone wavering as if the thought scared her. It always scared me when I was younger … my mother always claimed that I was 'not human' and 'a mutt' and it always made me fear myself. A fear that to this day has not left, and something that was perhaps my deepest and darkest fear even now. Everyone asked me why I wasn't normal … and to be honest I never could tell you. I was different, and somewhere along my childhood I had lost who I really was. I was different.
"You aren't normal, but that's the amazing thing about you, Bree." Young John stated, a few more tears trailing down my face as I watched John kneel down in front of my younger self and smile such a comforting smile at me. No matter what the situation John always knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. He was the doctor, the angel that saved me, and I'd never forget that.
"But mum says it like it's a terrible thing. Why?" My younger self questioned, tears falling down her face. I was so scared then. So scared and confused, but John knew exactly what to say.
"Mum doesn't understand you like I do. She doesn't see the amazing part of being who you are. Besides, being normal is overrated." He stated, picking me up and carrying me carefully into the bathroom.
"Thank you, Johnny." My younger self stated, hugging him as tightly, her eyes brimming with gratitude. He had saved me for the first time that day. Instead of sitting back and watching me get screamed at by our mother like any other normal sibling he had rushed to my rescue. In fact for years to come, even if he ended up getting hurt or yelled at in the process he always seemed to be there to rescue me. Which made me all the more content. I watched the memory, the scenery seeming to swirl together as the bright light appeared once again, my body falling backwards as I descended towards a new memory. I closed my eyes, my fingers dancing in the wind as I felt the air flow through my fingers like water. It felt so freeing, like I was actually, properly flying. I spread my arms out, a smile on my face as I flew through the darkness of my mind. I swooped around, making my body do backflips and frontflips as I laughed at myself, until, finally, I landed gently on some grass, the plant itching the my hands and arms as I carefully got up off the floor and opened my eyes for the first time. I was at a playground, and not just any playground, it was my old church's playground. I looked around for my younger self spotting my jet black hair not too far away walking back towards the building from the tree I had been sitting under. I remembered this scene. It was only two years after the whole party incident when my mother had decided to start taking us to church. I walked closer to my younger self, watching as I walked confidently passed the group trying to get back inside the church.
"Hey look guys, it's the freak show." The oldest boy of the group stated, pointing at my retreating figure. My younger self turned to the group, hearing the name they had effortlessly given me on the first day I had come to the church. See, on the first day when I had deduced the hell out of him for calling me girly I had become quite notorious in his little group of bullies, and ever since that day all I ever was to them was Freak Show, the intelligent little girl that could read their minds.
"Hello Billy." my younger self stated, my current self trying not to simply punch the kid in the face for calling her such a thing.
"What, no reading my mind this time?" The boy questioned, clearly joking as he smiled at my younger self and elbowed a few of his friends as if to say 'watch this.'
"I have to leave early for a dentist appointment, I don't have time to." My younger self stated, turning to had back into the church. Unfortunately, before I could do anything the boy had grabbed my arm and turned me back around to face him. At this point my current self was steaming, I was bloody bursting with pent up anger at this point. He had no right to just grab me like that. No RIGHT. If he wasn't just a figment of my imagination he'd soooooo be dead right now. Stupid twat.
"Oh I see; the little twerp has no time for me. I feel hurt." He stated, faking a pout as he turned to his friends, ready to impress them. He turned back to my younger self, leading me roughly back over to his group of friends.
"Read my mind like a good little girl and then you can go to your appointment." He finished, keeping a firm grasp on my arm as to not let me run off. My younger self sighed, very much fed up with the situation at hand.
"Fine, close your eyes and I'll read your mind." She finally replied, causing the group to high five the kid keeping a firm grasp on my hand. He closed his eyes and my younger self looked him up and down, an evil smile crossing her lips as she came across a tear in the boy's jeans and the small bruise slightly showing from the hole.
"How's the abusive father? No … that wouldn't make any sense, your father very much loves you … brother then. How's the abusive brother? Oh, and let's not forget the alcoholic mother …"
"You little bitch!" The boy screamed, ripping his eyes open and pushing my younger self to the ground. He nodded his head, the boys attacking me with punches and kicks, every single one of them furious at me for making their leader upset.
"Who told you about my brother?! Huh freak show?!" The leader screamed at me, kicking my younger self straight in the face as she desperately tried to get away from the group.
"Nobody … I … I read your mind like you told me to … ow!" I stated, my younger self's voice wavering as tears streamed down her face from the pain.
"You fucking bitch … tell me who told you!" He screamed, kicking my younger self even harder in the face.
"Nobody did …"
"Liar!" He growled out, stomping hard on my younger self's stomach, causing her to gasp for breath. I watched, my younger self desperately trying to gain her breath back as the boys continued to hurt me, not one of them noticing that a teenage boy had now entered the playground.
"Oh my gosh, Bree! Leave her alone!" The teenager screamed, rushing over to the group, the boys running off in fear of the older boy.
"Are you alright?! What happened?" The boy questioned, cradling my younger self in his arms as I continued to cough, trying to slowly gain my breathing back. Blood pouring out of my wounds as he cradled me closer, a tear or two falling down his face. Her was this amazing boy, my brother John saving me once again. He was always there for me, my superhero, my brother.
"He wouldn't let me leave until I deduced him, and then he didn't like what … what I said." My younger self spluttered out, her eyes glazed over and puffy from crying.
"Oh, Bree. Again. You could have yelled for me." He stated his eyes upset as he looked at my younger self with guilt. He felt so bad that I had gotten hurt, so guilty that he hadn't been able to help me sooner not matter what happened to me, yet what he didn't know is that he couldn't save me from everything. It wasn't his fault I had gotten hurt, it was mine. It was my fault that had made the bully mad. It was my fault for instigating him, and it was my fault for being the totally abnormal person I was. It was my fault, not John's, never John's.
"Why he is always so mad at me, no matter what I say he still beats me up." My younger self asked, confusion clearly in her eyes as she looked up at John begging him for an answer.
"He's a bully. Bullies are never satisfied until they get what they want whether that be power, or pleasure, or most times to see someone else hurt." He explained giving my younger self a sad smile, watching as she tried to sit up by herself even with the immense pain circulating throughout her body.
"How do I make it stop … I just want it to stop." My younger self whispered, finally managing sitting up with the aid of John.
"You have to be stronger than them, bring them down to your level and make them see how you feel." He replied to her, grabbing out a box of bandages and some neosporin.
"So, in other words … you want me to destroy him."
"Now, I didn't say that …" John stated, looking up at my younger self.
"… But yes, destroy them. Don't let anyone hurt you and get away with it." I mouthed along with John, remembering what he had said so clearly in my mind, a small smile on my face as I looked over at the pair. That saying had stuck with me to this day … it had made me who I was as a person. No matter what the circumstance, if anyone hurt me ever I made them hurt back. I was Abrielle Watson, the spy that saved millions of people every day of my life. I was Abrielle Watson the woman that made her own rules. And Without John I may not have ever known that.
"I love you Johnny, thank you for saving me." My younger self whispered, with a small smile, her face filled with gratitude once again, the bright light surrounding me as the scene blurred into nothingness and I fell back into the black abyss of my mind. I was floating once again, my arms flying through the air like wings as I smiled to myself. I was a free bird, an angel without any actual wings. And it felt amazing. I landed softly on the ground once again, my face feeling the cool glass of a window. I was in a car. C-christie's car. She had been my friend, my only friend in my teenage years. I looked at her, tears streaming down my face, holding my hand out to her face begging to be able to just touch her just once.
"I'm so glad that you got to come to the movies with us!" I heard her squeal, looking back at the teen version of myself sitting next to me.
"Of course! I wouldn't miss it for the world!" She replied, her face lighting up at the thought of sneaking out to go to the party of a lifetime. I remembered that the only reason I even agreed to go was because I wanted to get drunk and forget everything. All the pain from the bullying, all the pain that my mother gave me when she screamed at me day in and day out, and all the pain I inflicted upon myself because of who I was, punishing myself for not being a normal human being like my mother seems to remind me. I turned to Christie, her phone ringing as people texted her.
"This got even more better! Ana says that the two cute guys from the college down the road are there!" I heard her exclaim, my body tensing up as I realized what was about to happen. This was where everything went wrong. I watched in horror as she started answering text messages, looking down at her phone as she drove with only one hand.
"Um … shouldn't you wait to text back until we get to the movies?" My teen self questioned, looking at the girl with insecurity in her eyes.
"Nah, it'll be too late then. We'll be fine, I do this sort of thing all the time, it's the normal thing to do … which you obviously don't know being the weirdo you are … but I'll ignore your stupidity." She answered nonchalantly, not even looking up to answer or apologize for what she had. I watched, terror and complete and utter grief in my eyes as I watched a giant semi truck head in our direction.
"Um Christie! Look out!" I heard my teen self scream a fraction too late, the truck hitting us head on, sending my current self flying out of the car and landing several yards away. The scene changed before my eyes, an ambulance and several police cars at the scene while people crowded around to see what was going on. I walked closer, seeing a man I most certainly recognized arguing with an ambulance driver.
"Where is she, where's my sister?" The man questioned, trying to see where Christie's car had flipped over.
"All the passengers are still in the car, we don't have the right equipment to get them out yet, I'm sorry sir." He replied calmly, trying to hold back the man that was desperately trying to get to my teen self.
"You don't have the equipment yet, and you're just standing here doing nothing while those poor kids … my sister could be dead. And you call yourself an ambulance!" He screamed at the man, quickly running past the yellow tape before anyone could stop him, he runs to the car, my current self following as I watched him pull back debris from the crash until he finally saw my jet black hair. I watched as tears poured out my eyes, whimpering as I remembered exactly how much pain I had been in that day. Not only had I gotten severely injured almost to the point of death, I had lost my one and only friend and I felt guilty because it. I always, even to this day felt guilty for her death. And that hurt the most. I watched as he pulled me carefully out of the car, cradling my broken, bleeding body in his arms. It was him … it was John again, my savior. My angel, and the person that always came to my rescue.
"Bree. Abrielle … please wake up. Please." He begged of my younger self, checking my pulse that had barely been there as tears streamed down my face. He knew, he just knew that I was minutes away from death, yet, he didn't want to accept that he could lose me. That I could in fact die.
"You are going to be absolutely fine Abrielle, I promise. Just don't give up on me." He whispered, carefully carrying my younger self over to the ambulance and placing me on a gury. I followed him sitting on the floor of the vehicle, watching as he shut the door in an ambulance's member face and screamed at the driver to get them to the hospital. I watched, tears streaming down his face as he began patching me up, stitching cuts, applying bandages, and overall just trying to be a caring, helpful doctor until we had finally arrived at the Barts. He opened the door, a few nurses awaiting their arrival.
Nurse guy: "We have a car crash victim here, age sixteen, gender female … prep her and take her to critical conditions … " A male nurse stated, helping another nurse take the urney carrying my younger self out of the ambulance, wheeling her quickly into Barts.
"Wait … Abrielle!" John yelled, trying to follow my younger self into the ambulance, the young male nurse stopping him in his tracks.
"I'm sorry, but we can't let you follow her. You can wait in the waiting room for any news." He told him, placing a hand on John's shoulder as if to console him in some way. Like hell it would, I mean really. This was John Watson, my brother we were talking about here! He was not going to just sit around and wait for news.
"I work here as a student doctor, and that is my little sister … I can follow her if I bloody want to!" He screamed back at the man, rushing after my younger self as I followed after him. He ran as fast as he could, not even slowing down once as he tried to catch up with the gury, until finally he had located the room they had put her in, a nice older looking doctor looking at her chart inside the room.
"Hello, Mr. Watson, aren't classes over for today?" The man politely asked, looking up from his clipboard as the two of us entered.
"They are … I'm actually here for personal reasons. M… my sister got into a car crash. I'd like to be her doctor." John stuttered, clearly still extremely upset that my younger self had gotten hurt.
"I'm afraid that that is against protocol. You are only a student." The man sadly sighed out, clearly sad that he could do nothing to help John do what he wanted to do.
"I need to be her doctor, please! She is my little sister; I need to save her. I have to! Please. I will throw away my job, my faith and my own life for her … just please let me save her." John exclaimed, tears streaming down his face as he looked over at my teen self's dying body.
"I suppose if you had an official Doctor in the room then that would be fine. Get your medical gear on and meet me in surgery with the patient." The man replied, giving him a small smile as a set down the clipboard and left the room. John quickly walked over to my teen self, running his thumb gently over her hand as tears fell from his face landing on the white hospital sheets.
"I promise Abrielle, I will do all I can to heal you. Just please promise me you won't ever scare me like this again." John pleaded, his voice a mere whisper as he tried not to break down into a million pieces right then and there.
"I … I p…promise J… J…Johnny." My teen self replied, her eyes opening the slightest bit. I watched the pair of them, tears pouring down my face freely as the scene blurred together and I was shot once again into the black parts of my mind, floating freely through the air. I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the freeing feeling as I pushed my emotions to the side. I couldn't be upset now. That was all in the past, a long long time in the past. I was fine now. I reached my hands out trying to hold on the the flying feeling forever as I slowly landed on what could only be a rooftop, my hand feeling gravel as I slowly got up and opened my eyes. This was our meeting. The last meeting we had almost exactly nine years ago. This was the day I proved who I was to not just to him, but to myself as well.
"I've been looking for you my dear … and let me just say, you were really hard to find." He said, walking closer to me with a smile on his face as if teasing me.
"Leave me alone."
"Oh, but why would I do that, you're the most fun I've had in awhile." He stated, circling me, looking at me as if I were prey more so than another human.
"I left you for a reason."
"And I found you for a reason. You made certain people very angry with your disappearance, and those people want you back, or else. So be a good girl and come with me." He replied, holding his hand as if he were expecting me to run right back home with him back to the place I had deliberately left.
"I left and I'm not going back, I'm not into the whole killing people for secrets thing."
"Oh, but you are. Otherwise you wouldn't be a spy for the CIA." He replied, giving me a small smirk as if impressed that I had chosen to fight with the good guys.
"Surprise, surprise, you did your research." I had sarcastically replied, rolling my eyes at him.
"I see you never grew out of the sarcasm."
"Oh, you like the sarcasm admit it." I replied, smirking right back at him, circling him as he done earlier.
"Mmm, yes I do. But that isn't the point, the point is you're coming back … Whether I have to use force or not."
"You're wrong … yet again, your plan to get me back was flawless, amazing if I do say so myself. But you still missed one major detail …" I replied, giving him a gigantic smile. He thought he was so smart, with all of his intricate plans, but he was wrong yet again.
"Sure I did. Alright, what is this imaginary flaw in my plan that you seem to want to waste time explaining?"
"I'm not really there." I replied, watching as his eyes widened in surprise. He clearly did not see that coming. Clearly nobody did. He went to grab my arm, his hand going right through the projection I had created.
"… I'm just a hologram that I set up to distract you from my real location. Am I genius or what!" I explained, finishing up my sentence.
"But how?"
"It's called science, my dear. Look it up sometime." I sassed, putting my holographic hand on my hip.
"How long have you known?"
"I knew before you even planned it. Like I've been told, if anyone hurts you hurt them back. I won't let you get away with what you did." I stated, quoting John.
"And I won't let you get away with what you did either. I'm coming for you my angel, and when I find you I will destroy you."
"Looking forward to my destruction." I stated with a smile, never thinking it would happen.
"Me too."
"Goodbye my devil." I stated, the holographic image slowly beginning to fizz out.
"Goodbye my angel, until our next meeting." He stated, watching as the scene slowly turned into blackness, and my body once again seemed to float like a bird in the sky. I knew who I was now. After all of that, I knew exactly who I was. I was Abrielle Watson. I was unique, I was a spy. I wasn't normal but who bloody cared, I was perfect the way I was. I was Abrielle Watson and I was me. I stood for independence, and power, and most importantly I stood for doing things my way, and helping anyone and anything I could. I don't know how I had lost sight of who I was and what I stood for, but I finally understood. Surprisingly John had been the answer all along. He was always there for me, through everything even if he wasn't physically there. He taught me right from wrong when I had no one and he rescued me from danger. John Watson, my brother had made me who I was. He was my brother, one of my truest friends, and my savior in the darkest of times. John Watson was my hero, and because of him now I knew exactly who I was. So what if I was different, screw being normal. I was a human being. I was me.
