"We need to establish rules."
That was perhaps the only thing that I knew to do in a situation like this. I had dove in headfirst, too much thinking and not enough at the same time. This seemed like something silly that would have happened in one of those Lifetime movies that I would have watched when I was in bed sick all day, not something that I would actually have to go through and experience for myself. I didn't date, period. So why would I start with fake dating? It didn't make any sense but none of this did, really. I had a secret that I needed to stay secret. Desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Rules?" Jackson scoffed. "It didn't take you long to kill the mood." He sat on top of the picnic table, towering above me even more as I sat on the bench, pen paused precarious over the paper of my red journal.
"I don't want you kissing me anymore." I declared firmly, writing it down swiftly before he could try to stop me. I looked up at him once it was written. His offended expression might have been amusing under other circumstances but for now, I was completely serious about it.
"What?" He questioned. "No one's going to believe we're a couple if I can't kiss you."
"I don't care." I frowned, twirling the pen in my hands. "I don't want you kissing me anymore."
"Why not?" More questions, just crawling beneath my skin.
A sigh escaped. "Well, I've never had a real boyfriend before and I don't want all of my firsts to be fake." It's not like it was a secret that I hadn't had one before. "I still want things in my life to be real even if this isn't going to be. So you're going to just have to deal with it. I'm not compromising on this." I would have to stand firm on something. This seemed like a solid thing to stick with.
"We're going to have to find something if you want people to believe us," he pointed out with his eyebrows raised his in his forehead. "So you better get to thinking if you really don't want me to kiss you. And you kissed me first, you realize that, right?"
"I'm aware." My lips tightened. "Fine. You can kiss my forehead or my hair or whatever, but not on the lips. Or an Eskimo kiss. Or put your hand in my back pocket." I listed off alternatives quickly.
"My hand in your back pocket?" He scoffed. "That's stupid."
"It's from Sixteen Candles." I frowned. "It's not stupid. That's a classic movie."
Jackson rolled his eyes. "I never watched it. It can't be that good."
"Fortunately whether or not you've seen it is not an indicator of the movie's quality." I quipped. "But I'll make sure that you see it. We'll watch it together." I wrote that down on the other side of the open journal page. "And obviously, we can never tell anyone that this is fake. That's just too embarrassing for either one of us to have to deal with it." My pen moved again to jot it down without waiting for him. "What other rules do we want?" I asked, looking up at him again.
"Well, obviously. The first rule of Fight Club." He chuckled. "You have to go to football games and parties with me. Wear my number, signs, whatever you want to do." He commented, folding his hands and leaning forward.
"Huh?" I questioned, moving past it. "Fine. Football games and parties. That's doable." Mostly.
"Fight Club. You've never seen Fight Club?" His focus was on the wrong thing. I sighed.
"Nope." I popped the syllable as I spoke.
"Okay, write that down." His finger wagged at my current list. "With the Candles thing. We'll do a double feature because there's no way that you can go through life without seeing Fight Club at least once." Shaking my head and dropping it to hide the smile that was threatening my features, I made a note of it right below the other movie name. I could let him have that.
Staring down at the list, I nodded in slight approval. "What else? Is there anything else?"
"The ski trip." Oh, no. Oh no, no, no. "You have to go on the ski trip with me."
"That's not for months." I pointed out quickly as I looked at him, frown tugging at the corners of my lips. "Who's the say that we'll still be doing this by then? Besides, it's…" I didn't have a word for what I wanted to say. Everyone in school knew what the ski trip was. More people hooked up and lost their virginity than Homecoming week and Prom week combined. It was a school tradition and I don't know how the teachers and administrators pretended that they didn't know what was really going on every time that they went there. Of course, I had never actually gone.
"It's a tradition. We'll call it a contingency plan, just in case." Jackson didn't seem bothered by it. He was known as the type of guy who definitely didn't care about that thing. I knew that he and Meredith had done it before. The entire school knew that. "Just write it down, alright? It's no big deal." Only he would say that.
"Fine." I quipped. "But you have to drive me and my sisters to school," I suggested.
"Sure," he shrugged, more okay with it than I thought he would be. Pressing my lips together, I wrote it down. "I've got to get to practice, alright? I'll see you around." As per what we had written down, he bent over and kissed the top of my head before hopping off the table and heading toward the athletic track. I stood there for a moment, flushed and attempting to gather myself.
There was no way that I was going to be able to pull this off.
Lying was something that I had never been good at. I'd never been able to so much as fake sick when I was dreading something at school, even when anxiety about group presentations or public speaking was enough to actually make me feel nauseous. My dad and sisters were always capable of seeing right through whatever crap I tried to present. Even if the kids that I went to school with weren't the most insightful bunch, it was still doubtful that I would be able to get away with something like this. They knew about relationships. I didn't. That couldn't be said for a lot of things with the kids I went to school with, but this was one of them.
Tomorrow, the entire school would know and my social life as I knew it would change. My sisters would find out about it which would be… well, I wasn't sure what it was going to be like. They had always been nice about Matthew and Libby, but they had grown up knowing of Matthew their whole life given that he had been my friend first. Jackson was basically an outside entity, an unknown. That could either be a good thing or a very, very bad thing.
Even when the morning comes and I know that I can't avoid it any longer, I'm still not ready to face it. I can't decide if this would be a trial run or worse than the actual school finding out. Lexie was probably the only one who would talk to me about it directly and that was a speech that I had rehearsed fifty different times in fifty different ways. I still wasn't sure which one I was going to end up settling on. Other people would just talk, whisper about it. I had never been the buzz of gossip or a rumor before so it would be a new feeling.
"Kimmie! Alice! Come on! We're going to be late." I paced by the front door, waiting for them.
"Kimmie's running late," Alice sang in a tattling voice. Then she noticed that I wasn't holding onto any car keys. "Oh, no! We don't have to take the bus again, do we? I wish you would drive us, sissy."
Before Allie could continue, Kimmie rushed down the stairs. "I'm not late!" She yelled in protest.
"Almost," I clucked my tongue at her before opening the front door so the two of them could head out in front of me. Jackson honked his horn upon seeing us and I cringed. He was driving a convertible with the roof down. I was glad that my hair was in a modest braid though both Alice and Kimmie had their hair down. They were sure to love all the wind.
"Who's that?" Kimmie asked.
"That's our ride. C'mon, into the backseat, you two." I ushered them over, bracing myself for whatever chaos was about to occur on the short drive to the schools.
Both of them eagerly got into the back seat and I got in the passenger seat, pulling the seat forward so that Kimmie would have enough leg room. I clutched my backpack against my chest, not saying a word even after Jackson had greeted us. Fortunately, there's no awkward silence. My sisters were enough to keep that from happening.
"How do you know April?" Alice asked, leaning forward between our seats.
"I, uh," Jackson glanced over at me. "I'm her boyfriend." He answered simply.
"What?" Alice blurted out.
"No way!" Kimmie followed up.
I withheld a sigh. "Sit back, Allie, you know it's not safe to sit like that." I reminded her, glancing over my shoulder to make sure that they were both buckled up. Whatever I wanted to try and say to them about the situation just wouldn't come up, my mouth bone dry.
"So little Apes, what are your names?" Jackson questioned.
"You call her Apes? Awww, he has a nickname for you!" Kimmie cooed.
"I'm Alice!" The youngest Kepner quickly chirped in. "And this is Kimmie."
It's hard not to be grateful for the fact that it's a short drive to the elementary school and already on the way, then Kimmie's middle school is right across the street from the high school. I don't feel relieved though once they're out of the car and heading into the classroom because there's still an entire school full of people left to encounter. Not to mention that they were going to be more than happy to chatter about it once we were at home and with Dad around.
The parking lot is crowded as always and no one seems to notice that we get out of the car together. Most of the social scene was inside of the cafeteria before classes started. Which meant that was exactly where we were heading – it's where he was every day. He wouldn't change up routine because of something like this. If anything, the opposite.
Jackson's hand found my hip and kept me close to him as we walked inside of the school and into the cafeteria like it was the most natural thing in the world. I try not to be stiff, remembering that we're supposed to be in a relationship. There's no reason for me to be uncomfortable.
Except, there is.
Invisibility had been one of the easiest parts about high school. I could keep my head down and go about my business and no one else really cared. But now I can feel the eyes that are burning on me as I moved through the people with his arm wrapped around me. The scoff that Meredith released was loud enough for her to catch my eye for just a moment and I quickly looked forward again. There were a lot of things that I was ready for, and she was one of them. I was hoping that her inevitable outburst would mostly fall upon Jackson instead of myself. She was his ex, after all.
"I should head to class," I murmured, wetting my lips as I looked up at him.
"Wait for a second," he paused and reached into his back pocket before handing me a note. "Here. I'll see you later." Jackson bent down, kissing my forehead.
Flustered, I nodded like an idiot before turning on my heel to head out of there as quickly as possible, shoving the note into my jacket pocket. I don't get very far. A hand grabbed onto my arm and I let out a quiet yelp before realizing it was Lexie who was pulling me into the nearest empty classroom.
"You and Avery? Seriously?" She questioned. "Since when?"
"It's–uh, it's new." I stuttered, wetting my lips and fidgeting with the note in my pocket. "Really new."
"Obviously. And it's going to drive Meredith crazy." Lexie continued to speak and I nodded. "Which means that I absolutely love it and support it already. Good for you, Keps."
One prediction does come true, for better or for worse. No one else actually talked to me about it.
That doesn't mean that I miss the way that people stare at me during class and lean forward to whisper to their best friend, then suddenly their best friend is looking at me, too. Even when I catch them staring at me, few are embarrassed enough by it to actually stop what they were doing and look away. Some people just don't care. At least the teachers don't treat me any differently. It was making me want to turn into even more of a teacher's pet, and I knew that I was already too much of one for my own good.
My sisters love school too, even if they're not quite as nerdy as I am – maybe because they're younger and at the age where liking school isn't the geekiest thing in the world. By the time all four of us are gathered in the car again to head home, they're happy to tell Jackson about their day. He listens with interest, feigned or otherwise I'm not sure. He seemed to get along with them quite well, which was a relief. Even so, I get out of the car without saying much to him.
Before Alice and Kimmie have the chance to jump me with whatever questions they were unwilling to ask in front of Jackson, which had to be a short list given that neither of them was particularly shy, I run upstairs to my room and shut the door behind me, dropping my backpack on the ground. I have homework to do but I can't think about it. I can't think about anything but Jackson, and what we were doing. Was I really ready to go through with something like that? My phone buzzed with a text and I glance down, seeing Matthew's name on the screen and setting it down before I could even read what he had said. Oh, yeah. That's why I was doing this.
Friday night and I should be able to focus on something fun – read one of the books piled up on my nightstands or find a movie to watch with my sisters, but instead, I pull out my Calculus textbook. There's a quiz next week. It's not a high priority, but I need to focus on something that would actually require my thought, something that wouldn't let me get distracted. I get a moderate amount of studying in before distraction comes, the doorbell ringing.
"April!" Alice's loud voice shouted. "Your boyfriend is here!" Oh, no.
Hurrying down the stairs, both Alice and Kimmie were in the doorway and leaving Jackson trapped there. Dad was in the kitchen, certainly within earshot of everything that they were saying, even if he hadn't actually approached the situation. He was watching it like a hawk.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned, brows furrowing.
"Picking you up." Jackson shrugged. "I uh, wrote in the note. Shepherd's throwing a party tonight." Party. That was a part of the contract and my stomach turned at the thought, shaking my head before I could find my voice.
"I, uh, I can't tonight." Crap, I'd never read the note. I wet my lips. "I've got stuff to do and–"
"Go, have fun!" Dad finally chimed in with the worst possible timing and I barely managed to hide my kid. "Jackson Avery – man, I haven't seen you since you were this high. I heard you're playing on the football team, yeah? I haven't gotten to go out and see a game myself, but man, all of my customers love to talk about how good we've been doing this good." He spoke.
"Dad I don't think that's a good idea, I've really got to–" I tried to start and he cut me off again.
"Go. Have some fun, you've earned it. But don't wear those sweatpants." Dad chuckled with a broad smile, one of his signature ones. He meant it, he wasn't just being polite. Crap.
I forced a much less genuine one. "Alright, I'll be back down in a minute."
Dragging my feet back up the stairs, I can hear the typical little threat that my Dad had to give Jackson and I can't help but roll my eyes. There was no way that I was going to participate in alcohol or drug use. I wasn't sure if that was something that would actually happen, the drug part at least, but it was just about the last thing that he needed to worry about with me. Touching would be another no-go, not the kind that my Dad was thinking about, at least. I was a good kid. I wouldn't do anything that would have disappointed him.
Once I'm in the privacy of my room again, I scour through my closet to find something appropriate. I settle on a pair of black jeans and a pink floral blouse, buttoning it up and rolling the sleeves up to my elbow so it's a little more casual. My cross necklace dipped down my chest, hidden beneath the top button. This would have to do.
"You look nice," Jackson commented as I walked back downstairs, flats slapping each step.
"Good response," Dad chuckled, clapping him on the back of his shoulder. "Make sure you're home by curfew, okay? I know that I don't have to worry about you, but I have to say it anyway, otherwise, I would be failing as a parent."
"I know. We will." I smiled, giving him a quick side hug before moving beside Jackson. "See you later."
The drive to Shepherd's place is longer than the drive to school and it certainly feels that way without my two little sisters chattering in the back seat to fill the quiet. He has the radio on some kind of rock or pop station, I'm not sure, playing a Top 40s list. I wondered if he thought that was what I liked and that was why he had it on there, or if it was just music that he was really into. I didn't like too many popular songs. Too often it was sex or romance. I may have been a romantic at heart, but books always captured it better than music did.
"Alright, we're here…" he murmured as he pulled along the curb and put the convertible into park. We paused a moment as he put the roof up. The street was crowded with cars and I was almost sure that none of them belonged to parents, despite what he had told my Dad.
"How long are we going to stay for?" I questioned as we walked up to the front door.
Jackson shrugged. "I'm not sure. You're going to have to get used to this kind of thing." He opened up the front door for me and I stepped inside.
"Thanks," I murmured.
It was a huge house, much fancier than I expected. I knew that the Shepherds were rich but it was more than what I expected. No one was in the main foyer except for the two of us. I tightened the end of my braid for a moment, smoothing it out. Before I had the chance to stop him, Jackson reached toward me and tugged the hair tie out of my hair, pulling the braid loose.
"Hey!" I protested. "What was that for?"
"Your hair looks good down." Jackson shrugged. "I like it. It's a pretty color and you're hiding it." More like I didn't like being thought of as a Weasley. That insult had happened way too many times as a kid. I pouted and he snapped a picture of me on his phone.
"Okay," I breathed out, wetting my lips. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I don't know…"
"It's in the contract." He reminded me. "Give me your phone."
I stared at him skeptically. "Why?" I asked.
"Because…" He paused as he took a selfie of himself, smoldering handsomely at the camera. "This is going to be your new lock screen. This is what people that date do." Before I could ask, he showed me his phone – the picture that he had taken seconds ago. Subtle.
"Okay," I murmured, taking a deep breath.
"Let's go." Jackson took my hand and tugged me along into the spacious gaming room where everyone had gathered.
There was music playing and it wasn't as crowded as I thought it might be, though by no means was it intimate. I could see Meredith and Cristina sitting together on the couch, Derek and Mark huddled around the pool table and cackling at some comment that was made. Even if it wasn't complete chaos, it was still far from my scene and far from my comfort zone. Most things with him were.
Following him around blindly to the pool table, all of the guys around it greet me and I offer a timid smile though don't speak up for myself. They already knew that we were dating and seemed to accept that without question, though I knew it was going to be far from the case for everyone at this party. Meredith had influence. People liked to make her happy for reasons that I didn't understand given that she wasn't the most pleasant person in the world to be around. She was dark and a little twisted. The complete opposite of who I was. Maybe that was why Jackson thought this was going to be such a good idea.
"Hey, April!" Speak of the devil. "Come sit with us."
Plastering another fake smile on my mouth, I crossed the room to sit on the couch perpendicular to theirs, sitting up considerably straighter than either of them. Meredith looked supremely annoyed while Cristina had a hint of interest in her eyes.
"So, how long have you and Avery been happening?" She leaned forward, arm resting on crossed legs. "How long and how much? First base, second base?" Her eyebrows waggled as she spoke.
"Uh–" Before I had much of a chance to answer, Meredith interrupted.
"Oh, please. None of that has happened." Her eyes rolled as she looked over at her best friend.
"You don't know that." So, yeah, it was true. Maybe it didn't take a genius to figure that out but I didn't necessarily want people thinking that. Or the alternative, really. It was a hard line to walk.
"Yes, I do. I know Jackson and I know you." This time, her eyes narrowed in a glare at me. Before I had to come up with something to say, though, she stood up suddenly. "I'm going to go get a drink." She announced, looking between the two of us. "April, do you want something? Orange juice, a glass of milk?" She pouted mockingly as she looked at me.
"Actually, my boyfriend's bringing me something." I gave a tight-lipped smile as she walked away. Cristina followed.
For a brief moment, I have a relief of being able to sit there quietly. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, basking in that brief glow. Parties were all about socializing and I, well, wasn't. I had always been much better at one on one interactions and communication with people than I had been in groups or crowded social settings. But a hand on my shoulder reminded me that closing my eyes wasn't going to make anyone actually go away.
"Here you go," Jackson handed me a plastic cup before swinging around the couch to sit next to me.
I took a small sip, scrunching up my nose at the taste of the beer. "Gross."
"Meredith giving you a hard time?" He questioned, glancing around the crowd as he pulled out his phone. People glanced over at us occasionally which was predictable. We were still new and I was supposed to be the last girl in the universe that someone like him would go for.
"A little bit, yeah." I shrugged my shoulders.
"C'mere," he murmured as he held his phone at arm's length.
Leaning into him, I gave the camera a soft smile as he took a selfie of the two of us together. My head turned and I leaned forward, just barely pressing my lips against his cheek as I listened for another shutter of the camera before I pulled away.
"Nice. That'll definitely be good for Instagram." Jackson commented as he opened up the app.
The night continues without another hitch from Meredith, who I excel at avoiding. He moved around the crowd to socialize a little bit more and I find myself hovering around the snack table, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself. We had already been seen here together and close with one another. Faking it with him didn't mean that I needed to get too deep into this crowd and see. That wasn't what I wanted.
"Are you ready to go? I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat."
Those were pretty much the best words Jackson could say to me tonight.
Nodding in my answer, a few goodbyes are exchanged as we hold hands and make our way out the door and to his car. Even if it hadn't been that terribly loud, the quiet night air and drive is appreciated. He headed toward the diner by my house, the one that we'd spoken about the letters at. I guess he had liked it more than I realized the first time.
Sitting down, the waitress put me in my usual booth. Against a wall, an outlet within reach. There had been days where I escaped from my house to come here and work on homework, and my laptop battery was pretty much on its last leg, so I didn't take it anywhere without a charger. It's different to be sitting there with him though, munching on french fries and drinking soda late on a Friday night. Admittedly, it's a little better than working on some calculus homework.
"You did good tonight. Mer's really mad." Jackson complimented. I think.
"Yeah, well, she might try and run me down at school on Monday," I commented with a shrug of my shoulders.
"I love that you're not afraid of her." He grinned.
I snorted. "Oh, no. I am."
"But you don't let her walk all over you, even when she's a complete bitch to you. Everyone else always does. I think it's cool that you don't let it get to you." He shrugged. "Like, that day at school when she made fun of your shirt. I think it's hot when girls wear plaid. I mean, Mer is hot, don't get me wrong. But that's it. You've got a good style."
My lips pressed together in a thin line. "Thank you." Another thing I'm not sure is a compliment.
"Can I get you anything else?" The waitress came by.
"Uh, no, we're good." I smiled. Jackson pulled out his wallet to pay and I stood up from the table, turning around only when he spoke again.
"God, she makes me so mad sometimes." He was staring down at his phone.
"Meredith still?" I questioned.
"Yeah. You know, tonight? She barely said a word to me. Didn't even look at me, really, while we're at the party. And now she blows up my phone as if it's no big deal the moment that we leave." Jackson complained, shaking of his head. He was obsessed with her.
I pressed my lips together. "Well, did you reply?"
"No." He shook his head. "I'll just call her later."
"You still call her?" I questioned, brows raising.
"Yeah," Jackson answered. I didn't reply for a moment, cheeks tightening as I tried to keep my expression from remaining neutral. "What? You've got this whole judge thing going on right now."
"Well," I sighed. "It's weird that you still talk to your ex-girlfriend on the phone. You're obsessed with her."
He leaned back, offended. "You've only had one boyfriend. And I'm not obsessed with her. What do you know?"
"Prove it." I sat down again. "Don't call her tonight."
"For someone who's quiet all the time, you sure have a lot to say." He scoffed.
"Well, people don't usually care to hear what I have to say. But I don't think anyone's ever been honest with you before." It's a ballsy statement for me.
"Well then fine," Jackson leaned forward. "Be honest with me. Why haven't you had a boyfriend?"
I fall quiet for a moment. "I don't know. Guys find me annoying." I knew that to be a fact. "It's just one of those things, okay? I'm a virgin and I want to stay that way because it's what I believe in and people don't like that about me. People don't even need me to tell them to know that. I don't talk about it, okay? I want my first time to be special and I know that guys find me annoying. I don't date. That doesn't make it something that we just talk about." I blurted out, words coming out way too fast.
"I like you." Jackson pointed out, his brow furrowing.
"Well, this isn't real, so… it's different." I pointed out.
"Right." He stared at me for a long moment before getting up from the table. "Let's go." I sighed before getting up to follow him back to the car. It's not that late, we probably could have stayed out longer, but I could tell the comment had made him uncomfortable. I don't push it as he dropped me off, saying goodnight without saying much more.
It's hard to get it off my mind, even as I lay in bed that night. It didn't make sense for him to react that way. He knew that it was fake, I knew that it was fake. That was all there was too it.
Yet come Monday, things had returned to normal for us. It got easier with each day that passed as I ate lunch with him in the cafeteria and his friends started to accept me into the group. They're not my type of people but I know how to get along with them. They talk so much that I don't necessarily have to and treat me like one of their own. I notice Matthew staring at me constantly, as well as Meredith and Cristina, but there's only so much that could be done about that. Matthew does catch me taking the garbage out one day, leaving me with nowhere to go.
"I can't believe that you're dating Avery," Matthew commented, shaking his head as he looked down at me.
"Why? Is it so hard to believe someone might like me?" I snapped back at him.
"No. But he's– he's nothing like you. You're a good, innocent girl and he's a complete dick." He retorted, his arms folding in front of his chest and not budging from where he was standing.
"Well, maybe you don't know me that well." Without another word, I turned on my heel and walked away, leaving him standing there. That wasn't a conversation that I could have with him. Maybe he knew me and maybe he didn't. I didn't know how to be around him anymore and if he was going to be that aggressive with me… I didn't really want to be around him, either.
Things start to become so normal between me and Jackson that I almost forget the fact that we're not actually dating. Movie nights that were normally between our sisters, that were supposed to shrink from four to three, instead remain at four as Jackson joins us and cuddles with me on the couch no matter what movie plays on the screen. He got along so well with my sisters, it was crazy. They seemed to adore him. Dad liked him a lot, too. Given what part of him that they saw, well, I couldn't really be surprised. He could be a really good guy when he wanted to be. They only saw that from him.
It's not just him with my family, though. Supposedly, his mom was the one who insisted on bringing me over for dinner one night, but I think he wanted things to get even given all of the time that he spent around my family. From the way that he talked about his mom, he did love and adore her, even if she seemed to have a very different personality from my own. Not that I remembered that much of her. I'd still been in elementary school when she did.
"It's so nice to finally meet you, April," Catherine said as we sat down for dinner. "Jackson told me you have three sisters."
"Yeah." I nodded. "I have an older sister Libby, who's just starting college this year, and two younger siblings – Kimmie, and Alice. Kimmie's in middle school and Alice is in her last year of elementary, same as Malcolm." I glanced over at Jackson's brother as I spoke.
"Your mom must love having all girls. I'm stuck with these little demons," she laughed.
"Mom, I told you. April's mother passed away when she was little." I grimaced slightly as Jackson spoke, stabbing my fork into a piece of broccoli on my plate. It was always an awkward thing to have to address.
"I'm so sorry, April." Catherine apologized quickly.
"It's okay. She did love having girls," I gave a genuine smile. "Although she might have argued that we're still demons."
Fortunately, dinner between the four of us doesn't get any more awkward than that. Malcolm was much shyer than Jackson was and his mom made a lot of conversation, talking about school and other things. It was a normal conversation, a normal family. She was a loud personality, a dominant force in the room. I could pick up that much. Jackson and I offer to clean up dishes as she took Malcolm upstairs to get him ready for bed.
"I'm sorry what she said about your mom," Jackson commented as I loaded the dishwasher.
"It's okay," I shrugged. "You get used to it," I added, glancing over at him as I straightened up. "Is it weird to not have your dad around?" My mom had been brought up. This was just a natural flow of conversation.
"Yeah. But… you know, he left. It's different." Jackson shrugged. "I'm pissed. He left my mom when she was pregnant with Malcolm. How douchey is that?" He shook his head. "And yet… I don't know. At least he's not…"
"Dead," I stated bluntly.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"It's okay." I smiled slightly. "You can hate him and not want him dead. Or you can hate him and still want him to be there. It'd be easier on your entire family if he was, so…" It made sense to me. "It's nice to talk to someone who actually kind of gets it, actually. I know that it's not the same thing but it's better than not talking about it." It had always been hard to talk about with my sisters. They were young and I didn't want to upset them.
Things were really becoming more natural around him.
More genuine, too.
Days and weeks passed and I was becoming entirely too used to being around him. Meredith was constantly hovering around the corner and watching the two of us, whether it was silently glaring at me or throwing some kind of snide comment. The worst of it is when I hear the two of them talking without me around. They don't realize that I'm there, but I hear every word of it. She doesn't want me going on the ski trip. He's bragging about how much better he is than the college guy that he was dating. She doesn't seem to care that she's with someone else. This was all getting way too complicated.
"I think he's going to get back together with Meredith," I murmured to Lexie, standing in the hallway and leaning against my lockers. "I can feel it coming."
"You need to get your man back, babe. Don't let that skank get him." She replied. I wish I had told her the truth.
Jackson struts down the hallway toward the two of us as if there was nothing weird or abnormal going on, and I held my breath. His arm looped around mine and I waved goodbye to Lexie as I moved along with him, seeing to drag my feet. Ever since I had overheard the conversation between him and Meredith, I can't get it out of my mind whenever he's around.
"What's wrong with you?" He questioned as we turned down an empty hallway.
"I think it's time for us to break up." I blurted out. "Things have could down with Matthew and he's not bugging me about the letter anymore, and Meredith is obviously super jealous. That's what we wanted. Now would be a good time for us to break up." There was no way to beat around the bush.
"What?" Jackson blurted out. "No, no. The ski trip is in a week. You can't break up with me before then. It's in the contract." He replied angrily, his brows forming a deep furrow.
"You can go with Meredith. I mean, you're practically kissing the ground that she walks on, talking about how you're just so much better than her current boyfriend." The words slipped out just a little too easily. "Look, Jackson… I don't think we thought this was going to go on for so long. But we got what we wanted out of this. Let's just call it."
"You're just trying to pull out because you're scared." He accused me.
"What do I have to be scared of?" I retorted.
The school bell rang. I folded my arms across my chest as I stared up at him, trying not to shy away.
"I don't know, April. You tell me." Jackson stared back at me.
I knew exactly what I was scared of, even if he didn't. The weeks that we had been together had been so natural that I had practically forgotten that we weren't actually in a relationship together. Holding hands, kissing each other on cheeks, the way that he rubbed his nose into my hair… all of it felt normal and natural. I'd lost that tension that I started out with, nearly completely forgotten. What we were doing no longer felt fake in the way that we gravitated around one another. The way that I talked to him and always went to him… it was because I wanted to, not just because we needed to keep up so imagine.
I liked him.
I had fallen for Jackson Avery.
Crap.
"I'll go if Lexie goes." Instead of anything on my mind, though, something completely different comes out. Lexie never went on the ski trip either and I knew that she wouldn't make an exception of that this year. This was my way out, perhaps the only one that I might get.
"Fine."
