"So, why is your boyfriend bugging me about the skiing trip?" Lexie asked. "I never go."

A sigh pushed through my nose as I tried to keep it quiet, knowing exactly what Lexie was interrogating me. Even if she and I were different in many ways, we were similar in the fact that neither one of us had ever gone on the ski trip before. Her not going was more out of rebellion whereas I just didn't want to be associated with anything that happened on the trip. Either way, the weekend was better spent with my nose buried in a book, not messing around.

"I told him I would go only if you go." My shoulders lifted and fell in a tiny shrug. "The ski trip isn't my thing and it isn't your thing." Now wasn't the time to mention my attempt to break up with him. Maybe in the privacy of my bedroom, but certainly not on the living room couch.

"Meredith will be there." She pointed out with a raise of her eyebrows, leaning back against the arm of the sofa and folding hers in front of her ribcage. "She's going to be all over Jackson."

I shook my head. "I don't care. Let them."

"No way, Jackson is yours!" Lexie shook her head. "Oh, I'm so going for this."

"What?" I questioned. "You never go."

"Come on, April," she began emphatically. "I haven't seen you this happy with someone – well, I've never seen you this happy with someone, let's be honest," She laughed at my expense. "But seriously. You're smiling and making new friends without even being pushed. You've never done that before. It's not like you're suddenly becoming some popular bitch but you're actually coming out of your shell for once in your life. You're changing but it's a good thing."

"She's right, you know." I jumped when my dad's voice suddenly spoke up. I hadn't realized he was in the kitchen. Gosh, I was glad I hadn't said anything about the fight we had. I knew that he actually liked Jackson now. "I've always been worried about you being the quiet one at school. This is the first year I haven't had to worry."

Guilt rushed through me at his words and I knew he had no reason to realize just how bad those words made me feel. He didn't know that I had been living a lie with the relationship in the past few months and that I had made I even worse by actually falling for Jackson. This had gotten much more complicated than I had ever realized it would at the beginning. I didn't know how to get out now that I was in so deep, and the only reason that I wanted out was that I knew it wasn't reciprocated. We were supposed to just be using each other. I knew that he was using for me and that had been the plan from day one. Things just didn't feel like they had felt at day one anymore.

"Okay."

What else could I say? It wasn't like I could twist Lexie's arm into not going now.

I pack my bags begrudgingly. No swimsuit, no sexy lingerie, nothing that I was sure almost every other girl in the school must have been throwing in. My backpack contained my laptop and a couple of books to read through. It was officially sweater weather which meant that all I wanted to do was curl up inside with a book and a blanket. That was the only thing that I planned on doing there.

Waking up early for the trip, Dad was the one to drive me to school in the morning, tasked with dealing with the two youngest Kepners by himself this weekend. Nerves ate away at the pit of my stomach and I couldn't get rid of it. It wasn't the end of the world or a catastrophe, not the worst thing that had happened in my life, but my stomach doesn't seem like it was willing to get the message. It was going to make it a long bus ride. All I wanted was for this weekend to go by and figure out how to end things with Jackson without making anything even worse between us.

"Sweetheart?" Dad spoke up, pulling my attention away from my book.

"Yeah?" I questioned.

"Now, you know that I love you very much. And I trust you more than anything. You've always been the little girl that I haven't had to worry about," he started as he turned to me, the car in park. "You're also my smart girl. Please remember that this weekend. Please be smart about… whatever happens."

"D–Dad." My voice cracked as I spoke. "I–no. I'm smart. You know that and I don't want anything to happen so nothing's going to happen. I promise. We don't have to have this conversation." Fumbling for the car door, I opened it up.

"I love you, munchkin." He reminded me.

Shuddering to myself, I got out of the car quickly and grabbed my bag from the backseat to head over to the bus. Everyone was moving slowly this early in the morning, loading up the bottom with luggage. I hold onto my backpack for the resources of wonderful books inside of it. Something had to make the time pass.

Slowly stepping up onto the bus, my eyes scanned the groups and cliques that had already formed. Lexie was by herself in the back and looked like she had already managed to fall asleep. Jackson was sitting more in the middle of the bus, the seat next to him clearly empty. I knew what that meant, but I couldn't go with it. Taking a deep breath, I moved as quickly as I could down the aisle while dodging bags, avoiding looking at him.

"Hey!" So much for that. "I saved you a seat."

"I uh, I'm gonna go sit with Lexie," I mumbled.

"She was at a concert last night. She'll sleep through the entire ride." He countered, frowning.

"Then I better make sure she doesn't choke on her tongue." That made no sense. Not wanting to argue with him any further, I moved past him and plopped next to Lexie, slouching down in my seat and sighing.

I would have had to be completely oblivious to miss what happened next, and I'm not. Truthfully, even if I didn't want to admit it to anyone else, I was keeping an eye on him. Meredith haunted onto the bus a moment later. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but that smug little grin on her face and the way that she bent forward purposely to try to put her cleavage on display made it clear that she was flirting with him. Whatever she was saying apparently worked. She sat down next to him.

Chewing at the inside of my cheeks, I tried not to think about what they were talking about. They had a history together. I was sure there was plenty to talk about that didn't even involve whatever Mere was going to attempt to get up to this weekend. I can't shut my eyes and sleep, nor focus on any of the books I brought. It's only a couple hours, fortunately.

Everyone except for Lexie and me was in a huge rush to get off the bus once we arrived at the resort. It was huge and looked beautiful with the snow covering the ground around it, buried up in the mountains, but I can't find myself to get excited about it. The outdoors had never been a home for me and usually just an invitation to either end up covered in mosquito bites or sore from whatever slip and fall I took on an icy patch. This weekend would be like no other. Homework, reading, maybe some journalling. I was not going to fall into the shenanigans that everyone else did.

It was noisy as we made our way to the lobby. Meredith was already all over Jackson and I just wanted to hide away in a room, looking around for the seniors in charge of handing out keys. But what I find and overhear is just another nightmare waiting for me.

"Screw room assignments! Sleep with whoever you want." The keys were thrown up in the air.

Shaking my head, I quickly grab a pack of keys and get away from the scene of madness and horniness to find my way back to Lexie. She was staring down at her phone, earbuds in and oblivious to the rest of the world. I envied that.

"Here." I handed a key over to her.

"Nope." She popped the syllable. "I'm getting my own room away from you and Jackson."

"I'm not sharing a room with him." I glanced over my shoulder, pausing for a moment and overhearing him and Meredith talking about skiing. Something about a black diamond. I'd never even been on a pair of skis before. "It seems like he's already found a roommate," I grumbled.

"Dude, you've got to go and get your man," Lexie argued.

I shook my head. "I don't know how to ski. There's no way I'm going to go down a black diamond." Deluca approached us as we spoke. "I'm just going to stay in and enjoy the fire."

"You and me both," Deluca piped up.

"I have books and I brought face masks. I thought we would share." I looked at Lexie.

Lexie shook her head and Deluca spoke up. "If she's not going to do it, then I will."

That was how I ended up laying in bed with a cold face mask on my face and talking about how I felt about Jackson. I don't intend to tell Deluca or anyone else the truth, but something about it slipped out midst the fact that I had really developed feelings for him when I shouldn't have. There were other reasonable explanations for why I shouldn't have fallen for him – he was popular, well-liked and hard to get, and I… was the exact opposite, really. The only reason that I was hard to get was that I was awkward around boys and that I tended to run in the other direction most of the time.

Head resting against the headboard, I peeled the mask off my face and dropped it into the trash can between us, sighing. My eyes were wet and it had nothing to do with the aloe mask. I had broken my own heart in the last possible place that it should have happened. Coming here was only proof of that.

"He's so obsessed with Meredith and I'm just another one of those stupid girls who fell for Avery." What other explanation was there for me to come to? "It's embarrassing."

"Why do you think he doesn't like you?" Deluca countered. "Every guy gets a little bit obsessive at first, you know, once you... But okay, let's look at the facts. You just said all of that stuff was his idea. The fake dating, bringing you here. I may not know a lot about wooing women over but that doesn't sound like a guy who's uninterested to me." I looked over at him and caught his raised eyebrows, letting out a sigh. "He's probably waiting in the hot tub for you right now. That's what I would do. It'd be sexy."

"Do you really think that?" I questioned. "Waiting for me in the hot tub?"

"I'm not going to lie to you," Deluca shrugged. "But you won't find anything out sitting here."

He was right about that much.

Sighing, I swung my legs off the bed and stood up. My feet were quickly shoved inside of a pair of Ugg boots and I pulled on my puffy winter jacket over my nightgown. Bringing a swimsuit had crossed my mind while I was packing but I had decided it wasn't necessary. The jacket went down to my knees and my legs were going to be freezing. Hopefully, I wouldn't be out for long.

Dragging my feet down the hallway and through the lobby, it was much quieter than it had been earlier. It wasn't that late in the evening which meant if things were this quiet out here, people were probably up to no good in their rooms. There was a real possibility that could Jackson and Meredith.

Sighing to myself and shaking my head to attempt to get the thought of it, I pushed open the door and let the cold night air hit me, sending a shiver down my spine immediately. The hot tub wasn't far from the back of the resort. A little squinting to combat the darkness outside made it clear that the outline of a figure sitting in the hot tub was a familiar one, even with his back to me. So Jackson was there. For me or someone else, I couldn't confirm on my own, but Deluca had been right about one thing.

"You're alone?" I questioned.

Jackson looked up at me just enough to recognize my presence but didn't say anything, staring back down at the water that bubbled around him.

"Are you ignoring me?" I continued.

"Pretty sure that you started it." He remarked.

Lips pressing into a line, I walked around to the edge of the hot tub opposite of him, sitting down on it and twisting my upper body to face him. I couldn't avoid him forever, even if the relationship between us was supposed to be fake. We had to talk about it at some point.

"I'm sorry I'm not a good skier. You didn't even offer to teach me." I said.

"Oh, I'm supposed to be sweet to you but you ignore me on the bus ride up here?" Jackson countered.

"Shouldn't you be thanking me? You got to sit next to who you want to." I retorted.

"For someone who has such good grades, you can be an idiot sometimes." He snorted. My brow at him and I didn't say anything for a moment. "I wanted to sit next to you. I even packed snacks you like. I asked your sister about it and she yelled at me to make sure that I didn't get anything with peanuts in it so you wouldn't die." Oh. I wanted to know why he hadn't said anything. "So if I went out the way to do something you like…" He prompted.

"You must really like yogurt cover pretzels?" I half-smiled.

Jackson splashed some water at me with a shake off his head, but a hint of a smile was on his expression. I toed off my boots, turning toward him and sticking my feet into the warm water.

"I'm sorry that I didn't sit next to you on the bus." I apologized.

Sliding the coat off of my shoulders, I do something that I'm almost certain was the exact kind of thing my father had warned me not to do and the rest of my sisters would have laughed hysterically if they heard about. I lowered myself into the water, nightgown and all. It's warm and made up for just how cold it was outside, water boiling around me.

"You're getting in in your nightgown…" Jackson observed as I moved closer to him.

"I didn't bring a swimsuit," I admitted with a small shrug of my shoulders.

"There's no one like you, Keps," Jackson said.

It's hard to tell which one of us made the first move. Large hands engulfed my smaller waist as he pulled me closer to him in the water and I drifted like it was the most natural thing in the world, as if being this close to him in a hot tub with my nightgown sticking to my skin was something that we did every night. His mouth descended on mine and I was gone.

Jackson was good at kissing. It didn't matter if I was new to that entire thing, I knew that he was good at kissing, a shiver running up my spine at the feel of his mouth against mine even though I should be nothing other than warm. My legs wrapped around his waist as I settled down onto his lap and his arms pulled me up against him, tighter than before. Following his lead was easy and natural. He made it easy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and anchored myself against him. Somehow, it seemed as if he was even warmer than the hot water surrounding us.

Something beneath me pressed against my lap. I knew what it was even if I had never felt something like this before. I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed, though the opportunity to ask about it arises as is mouth separated from mine and descended to the slope of my neck. I might have – but he sucked on a certain sensitive part and I gasped out, eyes rolling back in my head and forgetting about everything else.

"We– someone could see." It's the only thing I could manage after I'm sure there are marks on my neck.

"You're right." His nose nuzzled against my neck affectionately after speaking, lifting his head back up and placing one more kiss on my lips, sweeter than before. "Do you wanna go inside?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah," I nodded.

Inside to, or for what, I'm not exactly sure. Both of us got out of the hot tub and it was like jumping into an ice bath. Jackson handed me a towel and I quickly dried off what I could before sticking my feet back into my boots and pulling my jacket on. He only put on a robe, looking impossible handsome, as we headed back inside.

"Is this goodnight?" Jackson questioned as we stood in the hallway together.

"I guess it is…" I murmured, opening the door to my empty room. I stared at him for a long moment before I stepped inside. "Goodnight, Jackson."

"Night, Keps."

Shutting the door only lasted for a minute. I took a deep breath and opened it up. Jackson was still standing on the other side of it, a smile on his face as he realized what had I had done. "Did you forget something?"

I grabbed him by the bathrobe, pulling him in and kissing him hard.

The door shut behind the both of us and nothing else in the world mattered.

Losing my virginity was something that I had never thought a lot about or planned out in any particular scenario. I had always assumed that it would happen the way that both of my parents would have wanted it to happen for me, on the night after my wedding with the man that I loved and was meant to spend the rest of my life with. This wasn't that. It's a whirlwind of teenage romance, but it has one thing in common with what they would have wanted, it was with a man that I was very, very much in love with. That seemed like it was supposed to be the most important part of it, anyway. Nothing else seemed to matter. And it felt good. Really good.

Although he doesn't stay the entire night with me, after it was over, Jackson does take his time holding me and making sure that I'm okay and didn't regret a thing. He rubs my shoulders and my back, cuddling me for a while before we finally have a real kiss goodnight.

Waking up alone in my bed the next morning was a little sad, but I don't have any time to wallow in the feeling. Instead, I have to pack up my bag again and make sure that nothing was left behind to get to the bus with everyone else. Jackson included. This time, there was no way that I was going to ignore him again on the bus ride back home. Snacks or no snacks.

I beat him there, though, luggage loaded and getting on to grab a window seat. Looking around, as people spot me, they began to clap. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment and I quickly sat down, slouching to disappear.

"Hey." Jackson greeted with a smile when he found me, plopping down next to me.

"You didn't tell anyone about last night, did you?" I questioned quickly, biting my lip. "They clapped."

"No, no," he shook his head. "That's just how people act, you know?"

"Yeah, okay," I breathed out uncertainly, wetting my lips and choosing to believe him. He had probably gone back and fallen asleep in his own room quickly, anyway.

"Do you mind if I use you like a pillow? I'm tired." Jackson asked.

I shook my head and he shifted down before leaning into me, his head tilting over onto my shoulder and putting just a little bit of weight on me. I can't tell exactly when he falls asleep, but I weight a little while before I allow my head to fall over on top of his and fall asleep for the rest of the bus ride too.

At least we got one way of sleeping together even if it wasn't in bed together like I would have imagined. But it was close enough that I didn't mind settling on it. We wouldn't get something like that again in the immediate future – not with Dad hovering. I didn't know how his mom would have felt about it, but it didn't matter. Things would have to remain subtle once we were back at home again.

My limbs are stiff when we finally get there. Jackson got off first to help unload some of the luggage for other people and I followed off slower, watching him with a smile.

"I'm so glad that you came on this ski trip, April." Meredith's voice caused my heart to skip a beat.

"Oh," I breathed out uncertainly. "Uh, thanks, Meredith." I forced a smile on my lips.

"And you know, I just think it's really cool that you're so understanding of my friendship with Jackson." I blinked in surprise as she continued, not saying anything at first. "A lot of girls would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else's room.. but you're so trusting. It's great."

What? He had gone to her room after?

I stared at her for what felt like an impossibly long moment as I tried to figure out what to say. What caught my attention was her finger twirling around a necklace around her neck. No, not any necklace. That was my necklace. I reached up to feel for my own before realizing it wasn't there. Trying to remember the last time that I had it was proving useless.

"Where did you get that necklace?" I asked defensively.

"Oh, this? Jackson gave it to me. It's super cute, isn't it?" Meredith smiled at me. There was something evil in her eyes. "Anyway, have a nice day." She walked off.

Rage boiled in my blood and I took a deep breath, my gaze returning over to Jackson. He had finished helping to unload the bus and rolled over my suitcase along with him. It was thoughtful. Nice. But I couldn't get what Meredith had just said to me out of my head and the fact that she was walking around, parading my necklace.

"You went to Meredith's room last night?" I blurted out before he could say anything else.

Jackson stared at me for a moment, stunned. "Uh, yeah, well, I…"

"And you gave her my necklace?" I continued my barrage. "Is this a joke to me? Is this… funny?"

"No, no." He shook his head. "No, you don't understand, April. This isn't a joke to me."

"No. This is over, Jackson, in every possible way." I grabbed my suitcase handle from him.

"April, just let me drive you home and explain, okay? It's complicated but I can explain it." He attempted, stepping toward me.

"No. No. I would rather drive myself home. I will walk home before I get in a car with you right now." I shook my head angrily, throwing my hands up before he can try and get closer to me. He doesn't try and I grab my stuff, quickly getting away from him.

By the time that I'm home, though, I don't feel angry. Instead, I'm just sad.

I had been right. I had wanted to think about Deluca was and Jackson had almost made me believe that maybe it was something real, but it hadn't been. I had fallen for him and instead, it had been nothing to him. Just a joke or an excuse to get in my pants or whatever was. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to collapse into my bed and wallow and forget about every stupid second that we had ever spent together. I couldn't believe that I was stupid enough to fall for something like that.

Pushing open the front door of my house, the atmosphere was completely different. Christmas music was playing on the stereo and garland had been wrapped around the staircase. I looked around, taking in all of the yearly decorations that had already been put out. The tree was up and decorated. I wasn't in the mood, but it was enough to make me smile.

"April!" Kimmie yelled.

"You're home!" Alice followed up a moment later, both of them tackling me with tight hugs.

"Hey, you two," I smiled down at them. "Did you guys do this all by yourselves?"

"Well, we had a little help…" Kimmie smiled up at me as she pulled away, though Alice stayed attached at my hip.

"Hey, little sister." Libby grinned as she appeared at the top of the stairs.

As goofy as it may have been, seeing my older sister standing at the top of the stairs was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. I wanted to talk to someone and I knew my little sisters wouldn't understand. Even if she didn't know the half of the situation, it would have been better than anything else I could have asked at the moment. I smiled at her and abandoned my little sister for a hug from my one big sister. "I missed you so much." I murmured.

It was a surprise but it was the most welcome thing that I could think of that moment. It was a time to stop thinking about everything else that was going on in my life and remind myself that there were still good things around, that I had my family and that was all that really mattered. Kimmie and Alice had a long series of questions that they were all more than willing to throw at her.

Sugar cookies were made to be decorated and eaten, a batch of three dozen going in so there would be more than enough for all of us and a few extra for some of the messy decorating attempts that were sure to ensue. I wasn't much of an artist myself and let my sisters take over the bulk of it, watching them smile and chatter as if things hadn't changed between any of us, as if Libby hadn't been hundreds of miles away.

"So, are you going to invite Matthew over tonight?" Kimmie asked, nudging Libby.

"Uh, no." She decided quickly with a shake of her head. "How about we just do a girl's night? Just like old times." She suggested.

"Girl's night and Dad," Alice chimed in. "Too bad that means we can't invite Jackson."

"Jackson?" Libby questioned, looking up at me with raised eyebrows.

"I–" I had been hoping to talk to her about that in private so I could tell her everything that happened. I couldn't do that in front of Kimmie and Alice. They both adored him and I didn't want to ruin things completely for him. To my relief, the doorbell rang before I had to come up with a more diplomatic answer. "I should get that."

It was probably nothing at the door, I couldn't imagine who it would have been at this time of night given that Matthew probably wasn't bold enough to show up on his own free will if he knew that Libby was home, and Jackson wouldn't come over if he was in his right mind to see me right now. Reaching the front door, I take a deep breath before opening it up.

Of course, it was Jackson.

"Hey, we need to talk." He started.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Not here." I murmured, stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind me.

"Just so you know, nothing happened between me and Gen last night." He started to explain. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes out of habit even if at the moment, I didn't particularly care about respecting him. He clearly had none for me if he had really done that – slept with me, hung around for a few minutes, and then run back to her like it was nothing.

"You still went to her in the first place. After…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Look, Gen and I dated for a long time. Those feelings aren't just gonna go away, we have a history." Jackson continued to try and justify it, and all I could do was shake my head, looking up for a moment as if to briefly pay for the patience to handle this.

"I don't want to be second best or fake best. I–"

"No, no. You don't get it. Last night was–" He interrupted me the first time, and I do the same.

"Last night was a mistake." I hadn't thought that at the moment. I'd been so blissful and looking back, all I seemed was stupid. The type of heroine in a romantic movie that everyone hated. "Physical stuff might not be a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to me," I explained, forcing my eyes to stay dry.

"Who says it's not a big deal to me?" Jackson raised his voice slightly.

"Says every single guy on the bus! Clapping and praising you like you're some kind of god, and you're just eating it up." I shook my head disapprovingly, taking a deep breath in my pause to not overreact. "Jackson, just leave," I begged.

"Keps, look, I–" This time, I don't interrupt him.

"She asked you to leave, buddy," Matthew spoke up out of nowhere. I glanced over at him, taking a deep breath. Of course, he would be the one to show up at a moment like this.

"Matthew, I'm fine. Just go back inside." I requested.

"No, it's alright." He said.

"No, no, no. Are you serious right now?" Jackson paused and stared at the both of us for a moment, dumbfounded as if somehow I had been the one to insult him, marvelous seafood blue eyes swelling with an emotion that not even I could decipher entirely. "Seriously? This isn't about Meredith and me. It's about you and Matthew! Are you kidding me? This is the reason you broke up with me? You're still in love with this wannabe?"

The front door of the house opened and I don't even notice. My gaze was trained on the ground in front of me.

Breaking up with him had nothing to do with being in love with Matthew and everything to do with being in love with Jackson. Matthew had been nothing more than a blip on my radar in the weeks that I had been together, existing only in the background and small waves as we passed each other on the streets, or small mentions brought up from Kimmie or Alice about something with him and Libby. I hadn't had feelings for him in a long time. Even then, those feelings had been nothing compared to the way that I had felt about Jackson. Or at least, the way that I had felt about Jackson before this afternoon.

"If April broke up with you, it's probably because she's coming to the life-altering revelation she's too good with you," Matthew yelled at Jackson.

"You're in love with Matthew?" Libby spoke up, drawing my attention to the front door and my sisters watching everything unfold.

"Libby, no!" I turned away from the boys and quickly ran up the steps of the porch tot ry and grab her and explain to her everything that was happening. But before I had a chance, the front door of the house had been slammed shut in my face with me on the other side of it.

Great. Just great.

Everyone was staring at me as I turned around and I sniffled, once more forcing the tears back. I didn't know how to explain this to Kimmie or Alice. Or Libby, for that matter. It had started because of Matthew but that had been a mistake, a different lifetime ago before I knew what was really out there in terms of feeling for someone. None of those boys had compared to everything that I had felt with Jackson when I shouldn't have felt it. maybe there really was something more to the idea of forbidden love.

That didn't matter anymore.

"Jackson, just go home!" I yelled at him, tears burning in my gaze.

"God, April, you were never second best," Jackson said, staring at me for a long moment before turning away and heading back toward his car.

My arms folded in front of my chest as I turned toward Matthew. He was staring at me with puppy dog eyes. I might have fallen for them once before, but this time, I don't. Instead, he just looked pathetic. But no one was as pathetic as I felt in the moment. I had screwed all of this up.

"I didn't know that she was home," Matthew explained.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," I replied. "A nice surprise." So much for that.

He stared at me a little longer before turning away and heading back toward the house. I shook my head, looking up at the sky. How could this happen to me? How could things fall apart so quickly?

The front door shut again and I turned around, realizing both my little sisters had headed in.

"Great."

A few long moments passed before I finally headed back inside. None of my sisters were waiting around for me. Libby was probably up in her room and I had no idea where Kimmie or Alice was. Probably somewhere with the cookies. At least the two of them hadn't completely had their night ruined. Just really, really confused.

Heading upstairs to my room, I stare at it for a moment, longing for change. It's a cliche that people always do something crazy after a breakup to change, cut or dye their hair, change their wardrobe, or something. I had never understood it until now. There was no way that I was cutting off my hair and dying it was too expensive, but I could do something to change my room. It was somewhat clean. Grabbing my trashcan, I do the most impulsive, dangerous thing that I could think of.

Sweeping my arm around the shelf of romance novels, I dump them in the trash.

Sitting down on my bed once that was done, I pull up my phone and delete every trace of Jackson was on it. The funny pictures that we had taken together, our text conversation. I removed him from Snapchat and made my account private on Instagram, blocking him so that he couldn't follow me any moment. That was a change.

It wasn't until my phone buzzed that the panic really sent in.

A text from Lexie appeared on the screen with a video attached. The text beneath it was asking if it was me. Squinting at the screen and tapping it open, it only took a few seconds to realize that it was me. Me, in my nightgown, in the hot tub with Jackson and clearly sitting on his lap, making out with him. Somebody in one of the rooms facing the hot tub had filmed the entire thing and posted it online.

So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of. I screamed.