A/N: Thank you to the amazing ladies who pre-read the different versions of this chapter years ago. It has since been edited, so all mistakes are mine.

Mature Content warning is still in effect. (A little bit.)


Chapter 17:

EPOV–

It's been a week and a day since I last saw Bella.

Emmett waltzes into the kitchen ahead of me. He pulls a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and sets it on the counter before turning around and crossing his arms over his chest.

I roll my eyes. "You're not serious, are you?"

"I have to do it, bro."

"I just got out of the hospital an hour ago."

"Two hours ago, and I'm not gonna hit your shoulder, idiot."

"Why do you have to hit me at all?"

"Consider it fulfilling my responsibility as Bella's older brother-type person."

"Seriously, Emmett? You met her, what? Three times?"

"Four or five, and it's the point of the thing."

"The point of what thing? I thought you said you got it."

"I do get it. You love her, I get that. I even want to say I'm happy for you. But... you slept with her. With someone who, one, everyone thinks is our foster sister. Two, you were supposed to be looking out for that weekend. And three, was believed to be a minor until about three seconds before you boinked her."

"Hey!" I say, pointing a finger in his face. "That last part was uncalled for!"

His face is steel. "Look, I'm sorry... I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I don't think you understand how people will react to this. Her actual age aside, to anyone with eyes it's gonna look like you were thinking with your..."

I practically growl at him. "Stop. Unless you want to be the one holding frozen peas against your face. It was never like that."

Emmett raises an eyebrow at me.

I stand to my full height. "I'm serious, Emmett. I love her. I tried to stay away from her. I did stay away from her. Talk to my colleagues. Or better yet, talk to my old recruiting officer. Who I recently called him to find out what options were open to me if I returned to active duty."

Emmett's face falls. "What? Are you serious? You were going to... what? Re-enlist?"

"If that's what it took to forget about her, then yes. I would have. I didn't mean to fall for her. I didn't want to be attracted to her. She was one of my students! A supposed seventeen-year-old! Do you know how guilty I felt? How dirty? How..."

"Whoa, hold on, Edward. Just slow down, okay?"

Emmett takes me by the shoulders and forces me to sit down at the table. I hadn't even realized I'd started breathing so fast. Or shaking. Or sweating.

"Take slow breaths or something, man. Calm down."

I inhale slowly and exhale through my nose until the shaking subsides.

Emmett looks worried.

Good. Maybe he'll let go of this whole punching-me-in-the-face thing. Not that it isn't sort of nice that he feels protective of Bella, especially considering he barely knew her. But I spilled my guts to him, and he should know me better than that.

"Are you okay?" he asks after a moment.

I nod halfheartedly.

"I am sorry, bro. I didn't know it was that bad."

"Because you didn't ask."

"I just needed to make sure you realized how it might look if this got out. How Mom and Dad are gonna think about it. I don't know if they'll be as understanding as I'm being."

I rub my hand over my damp forehead. "This is understanding?"

He snorts. "It is. I gotta be honest with you, though. I have a very clear memory of being taken aside by Carlisle Cullen when your baby sister came to live with us. Had a few things explained to me about my expected behavior. How I had to treat Tori like a lady no matter how badly she acted-out. Or what she wore around the house." He squeezes my uninjured shoulder. "And I get it. Different situations. I was a punk-ass teenager with an abusive past, raging hormones, and a tendency to act out myself. I was already having sex at fourteen and he knew it."

I sigh. Remembering. I'd gotten a similar talk. Not the sex part, but the rest of it. I knew my father. I had seen his disappointment already.

"I might be wrong," Emmett said, standing. "You should probably be prepared though. I think it's going to shock the hell out of them."

"I know."

He leans back against the kitchen counter again, relaxing a bit. "You want a beer or something?"

"I can't. Pain meds," I remind him.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." There's a somewhat awkward silence before he kicks my shoe lightly. "So, I'm sorry I upset you. Are we good?"

I look up at him, surprised. "I don't know... You tell me."

He smiles and nods. "Yeah, we're good."

I smile back, but it falls fast. I'm exhausted, emotionally wrung out, and with each day that passes with no word about Bella, I grow more and more anxious.

We still don't know where she is. Emmett says she's safe. She's supposedly in protective custody, but I can't help feeling like anything could happen to her and we wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. And yet, even with all of that, my biggest concern is how she's handling everything. How do you deal with having someone try to kill you, not once, but twice?

My insides flip a little. I can't even imagine what she's going through.

"She's going to be all right," Emmett says suddenly. He sees too much. Or maybe it's just that obvious I'm thinking about her.

"She's been through so much, you know? And I promised her I wouldn't leave her. I promised nothing bad would happen to me, and then..."

"Then you all but died in her arms."

I nodded, feeling the stab of pain associated with the memory. It was weak at best, but I could recall her face in those fuzzy moments after Emmett put me in the back of his cruiser.

"Look, don't beat yourself up. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. No one could have. Don't you think I feel guilty, too? I feel like I failed everyone involved. You... Bella... and especially Alice. I not only told her Forks was pretty much the safest place in America, but I was the last line of defense for you guys and I didn't get there in time."

"Yes, you did." I smile sadly. "You got there just in time."

He takes a step forward and gingerly puts a hand on my bandages. "Barely."

"It was enough."

He breathes deeply and removes his hand. I don't look up at him. I don't have to see him to know he's choked up. After a moment, he clears his throat.

"Maybe whatever it you and Bella had while she was here is enough, too. Enough to get her through this."

I'm battling my own emotions now and it takes me a little while to get to a point where my voice won't crack.

"I have to find her, Em. I can't stand the thought of her being all alone. And I won't think about never seeing her again. Fuck the Secret Service."

"U.S. Marshals," he corrects.

"Whatever. Fuck them too."

He chuckles and sits down across from me, and just like that, I know he's on my side.

Maybe with his help, I can actually accomplish my goal. Maybe I won't have to be separated from the girl that I love for long.

~(~)~

BPOV—

It's been two weeks and two days since Edward all but died in my arms.

I hate Alaska. I hate the constant cold. I hate the wind. I hate the taste of canned food. I hate the smell of Garrett's cigarettes. I hate the sound of Garrett's plane taking off without me.

I have no one to blame but myself for being left behind, but I still hate it. Last week, Garrett took me with him to town for the first and only time. A single attempted collect call to Forks from a payphone and that was the end of my flight privileges. It was stupid. I knew it was when I tried it, but I was desperate. There had been no more news about Edward.

I'm hopeful there will be today.

I'm hopeful that today, Garrett will bring Alice with him when he returns. We don't know for sure when she'll be coming, but it should be soon. He's been going through a lot of fuel the last couple days to keep in touch with her.

So, once again I sit alone and practically frozen on the front porch steps. It's the only time I come outside—when Garrett leaves. I should go back inside already but the sun is shining and even if it's not warm, I'm drawn to it.

It's pretty hard to feel melancholy under the bright rays. The beauty of the vast blue sky is also difficult to ignore and is another small reprieve from the darkness and desolation inside of me. I suppose it's a good thing that the days are getting longer and longer here in the land of the midnight sun.

I idly wonder if I'll still be here when the days become longer than the nights. Will I be here when the night is no more than a handful of hours long? I certainly hope not.

But nothing in my life is certain anymore. I don't know if it ever will be again.

The alien sound of an engine catches my attention and I suddenly realize I've been sitting outside almost all day. The sun is now lower in the sky, the glare on the water in the bay becoming too bright for my eyes. I look to the sky anyway, using my hand to block the light bouncing off the small waves.

It doesn't take long for me to spot the dot in the sky that is Garrett's plane. My stomach rumbles a little, so I slowly stand and decide to go see what I can pull together for dinner. Garrett usually takes care of meals, but the last day or so I've been feeling more up to helping out. I need to do something with my waking hours anyway. I'll go crazy otherwise.

Searching the small pantry, I push aside all the cans of "Manwich" brand Sloppy Joe sauce and roll my eyes. I'll never forget Garrett's face when I told him I detested Sloppy Joes. It was as if I told him the moon was purple. He sincerely thought everybody liked them and I couldn't help but wonder whether Edward liked that sort of thing. He was... is... a bachelor after all.

It's been surprising the number of things that make me think of him. Some things are predictable; the shower, the pine trees when the sun shines on them first thing in the morning, Garrett's Navy t-shirt. Apparently, my protector was a Navy Seal once upon a time. It was a very impressive story. I still had to ask him not to wear his shirt. He must have thought I was a loon, but I haven't seen it since.

My scavenging fails to come up with anything truly satisfying, but I manage to scrape together enough to make a decent meal. I get started on boiling water for rice just as I hear the plane again. It's close now. If I walk outside, I'll be able to watch Garrett land.

Sure enough, a few short minutes pass and then I hear the splash of the floats and the engine throttle back. A minute or two later the floats scrape onto the rocky shore. I sigh and put the lid on the beans I'm warming to go with the rice. The engine cuts off while I stare ahead blankly.

How much longer can I stand to stay here?

When will it finally be over?

Would Edward wait that long?

Garrett calls out for me. In the relative silence of the cabin it would be hard not to hear him. By the time I get my coat back on and open the door, he's bellowing at top volume.

"Belllaaa! Get out here, woman!"

I smile and shake my head. I can tell from his tone that it's no emergency. He probably just wants my help bringing in supplies.

"Isabella! Move your butt!"

"I'm coming, you big oaf!"

I jog down the path leading from the cabin out to the beach. It's only when I step out onto the shore that I realize something is different.

Garrett is already unpacking whatever he brought back from town, but it looks to be more than usual. There is also a boat speeding into the bay behind him.

"Garrett? What's going on? Who is that?" I shout.

He looks up from his task and grins. "I brought you someone," he shouts back.

My heart leaps and I stop walking for fear I'll fall. It's Alice. It has to be Alice. And maybe even...

I clamp my bottom lip between my teeth, refusing to even think it. I don't know why my brain went there. Maybe it was because my heart was at the helm for a split second, but I cannot allow myself to hope that Alice might have brought Edward with her. I haven't even had a chance to tell her about him yet, so how would she know?

Methodically, I begin walking again, shoving my foolish hopes down deep inside me until they are forgotten. As I get closer, I see the shadow of a small figure at the helm of the long, yellow vessel racing toward the shore. The setting sun makes it hard to see much else, but I smile at her anyway. She waves, and I wave back. I'm glad she's here.

Finally...

Maybe now I'll get some real answers.

~(~)~

EPOV—

It's been three weeks and three days since I held Bella in my arms.

Bella's touch was always electric, from the first. It always set me on fire. It's painful to think of in her absence, but no one had ever touched me the way she had.

There are moments, in my sleep, and as I recover, when I first wake, when the memory of her ghosts over my skin like a visceral thing. The tingle of her touch, the buzz I felt just being near her, it runs up my belly and into my heart. I worry about the way it kicks, but the feeling is too good, and I need to hold onto it.

Lying in bed, listening to Emmett's tires recede down the driveway, I focus on the pounding of my heart. I lift my hand and run my fingers over my chest. I'm a little surprised when other parts of my body respond. It's been a little while. Oh sure, I dreamt about my one and only night with Bella. I spent plenty of time yearning for her. It just hadn't caused a physical reaction. Pain medication and exhaustion take a lot out of a guy, I guess.

I'm relieved, of course. But there's a small pang of melancholy that accompanies my arousal. I feel her, the memory of her, and yet I'm alone. The object of my desire is out reach. I could allow myself to fantasize about her but doing so takes me back to a time when the temptation of her was illicit. Wrong.

I'd never been more relieved than to learn she wasn't a child. That she was well into her twenties. She had a degree and a goddamn gold medal. She was feisty and accomplished and tough. She was athletic, in her own way. Small, short, but toned. Her legs were powerful. The cut of her biceps and triceps impressive. Her long, nimble fingers were skilled and confident.

I groan, confident I don't have to worry about the long-term effects of my ordeal on my sex drive. Wow. I almost hate myself for it, but… it feels good. Good to remember. Good to be alive.

I hit the shower, and yeah. . . the water feels good too. For a few minutes I can just relax and think of nothing. Until I'm once again thinking of her. Her face, her voice, her touch. So I grab some body wash.

I let it slide through my fingers and close my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I remember her fingers doing this. I remember her eyes as she slid them down my body and over the most vulnerable part of me.

She used her hands the way a sculptor might as they caressed their own creation. She was careful, reverent, and knowledgeable. She moved appreciatively, evaluating my reaction to her. The way she watched me, made me feel wanted, desirable, and powerful.

Her ivory skin, her long, dark hair, and those fathomless eyes were my undoing. She was a vision and came to me like a spirit now.

The way I feel for her, the things she does to me, even in memory, are like nothing I've ever experienced before. I've always enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh—what guy doesn't—but with Bella enjoy was never the right word. There are no words. My vocabulary falls short.

"Do you feel it too?" she had asked. "Do you feel the connection?"

"Oh, Bella... Yes."

In my memory her hand cups my face, her eyes lock onto mine. We are together now, one body, moving in perfect synchrony. And it's never been like this for me before. I've never felt like this. It takes everything in me not to cry or scream as I imagine her with me. In my arms. In my bed.

I breathe out a curse, helpless to do anything but let the memories keep coming. And I chase them, like a masochist, uncaring how it will hurt later. Every thought and feeling is focused on the rush. On the phantom sensations. The warmth, the friction, the way her body pulled everything from me.

It was heaven. It was endless, utter and perfect ecstasy, and with it I'm gone... done... flying in the best possible way.

Until I open my eyes.

Until the water runs cold and I remember I'm alone. She's not here.

Maybe she never really was.

~(~)~

BPOV—

It's been four weeks and four days since I last felt the heat of Edward's kiss.

At least I know now that he's alive and well, and apparently, missing me.

A small smile breaks out on my face when I think about how many phone calls have been placed in an attempt to get information on me. There's been a private eye involved as well.

Alice giggles next to me and bumps my shoulder. "That's the closest thing I've seen to a real smile in two weeks."

I shrug and smile wider. "Can you blame me? Besides, what else is there to smile about up here?"

She shakes her head. "I should be offended you don't find me better company."

"You're wonderful company, but you've smiled more too since talking to Jasper today."

"Yeah, it was really good to hear his voice. His spirits were high, which makes me feel better about leaving him to face everything alone."

"The hospital in Denver sounds perfect for him."

Alice nods and, simultaneously, we both sigh. Then laugh.

"We're ridiculous," I say.

"Yeah, well, what can you do? We're a couple of love sick fools."

I smile and look away. Love sick is definitely true. I miss Edward so much sometimes I think it's making me physically ill. I hadn't realized I was so used to seeing him every day– even if it was only fifty-five minutes during fourth period.

As if Alice can predict where my thoughts have gone, she bumps my shoulder again.

"I still can't believe you slept with your math teacher, Anna Bella."

I blush furiously but bump her back. "Yeah, well... I'm a slut like that."

Alice lurches forward and spits her coffee all over the place. It flies across the room, spraying Garrett's television.

"Oh, my God... Alice!" I shout sitting up.

I gape at her as she coughs and sputters uncontrollably. She's laughing hysterically in between coughs.

Soon, I'm laughing along with her — for the first time in a month, I'm truly laughing. I'm laughing so hard it hurts. Laughing until it's not funny anymore. And when it's not funny anymore, I'm crying.

"Oh, honey..." Alice says, still trying to stop her coughing.

She sits up and moves next to me, grabbing the box of tissues off the coffee table. I guess she knows the drill by now and shushes me as she pulls me into her tiny arms. They are not Edward's, not even close, but Alice has become one of the best friends I've ever had. If I had to go through something like this, I'm glad she's at my side.

"Bella Bee why are you crying again?"

"I don't know!" I sob.

She laughs and sighs all at once. "It's going to be fine. If this is about Edward, it'll be just fine. With all the trouble that man has gone through to try and get to you, he'll still love you when this is over."

I nod at first, but then shake my head. "But... it won't ever be over. Not really," I cry. "Why would he want a life with me when we'll have to spend it always looking over our shoulders?"

She sighs and rubs my back. "You won't have to spend your life looking over your shoulder. That's the point of the Witness Protection program, honey. Besides, we've been through this... James Wiles sang like a canary and with his cooperation, the FBI has a whole new case against the bastard accused of your mom and dad's murder, not to mention the rest of his associates. With any luck, when this is all over, there won't be anyone left on the streets who would even know you, let alone want to hurt you."

I sniffle. "But in the meantime... "

"In the meantime, you get through it. You have me." She squeezes my shoulders.

I hug her back. "I know."

She pulls back to look at me, wiping my cheek with another tissue before handing it to me. "So, what's with the tears?"

"I don't know..."

Alice laughs as I sag against her once more. It doesn't even faze her, she just lets me cry it out.

When I finally calm down, I'm exhausted and have to go to the bathroom. I excuse myself and then splash some water on my face while I'm in there, wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I've been like this for the last couple of days, and it's confusing. When Alice first arrived, I found I cried a lot less, but I guess since the high wore off — after hearing Edward was out of his coma and headed home from the hospital — I'm now back to being a mess.

That's the wonderful thing about Alice, though. When I get back from the bathroom, she just moves on. We don't have to talk about my breakdown and she doesn't feel like she has to tiptoe around me the way Garrett did.

"Movie?" she asks simply.

We've been raiding Garrett's stash every night since he left, headed back to Washington and his wife and bar. It had been hard to watch him leave, knowing he was going where I wanted to be.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"How about the Blue Lagoon?" she offers. "I loved that one when I was a kid."

I shake my head. "Too romantic... and don't they die at the end?"

"No, that was the sequel."

"Well, still."

"Okay... The Wedding Singer?"

"That's also a love story."

She rolls her eyes. "Okay... how about The Bourne Identity? Matt Damon's hot and there's only a little smidgen of romance."

"I don't know... there are guns... and people die. It somehow seems too close to my life right now."

"I think you're being a wee bit dramatic."

I just look at her.

"Okay, point taken..." she turns back to Garrett's extensive collection and looks through it. The conversation proceeds in the same fashion until she's throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Seriously, Bella? You've pretty much left us with the horror genre, but only if there is no gun violence and people don't die... so yeah, I got nothin'."

"I'm sorry, Alice."

She sits down and hands me a DVD case.

"This is it. The only one left."

"You're not serious."

She grins. "Oh, yes, I am. It's tons of throwback fun!"

"You said it had Pee Wee Herman in it," I complained.

"No, I said he did the voice of the alien space ship guy. That's the only bad thing about it. Well, and some 1980s special effects, but it's still pretty good for what it was. Come on, it's a piece of my childhood."

I sigh and relent. Alice squeals. I swear at times that there is no possible way a criminal would ever take her seriously, but then again, she's not wearing the pantsuit right now.

She runs to the kitchen for refills; her coffee and my hot chocolate. For some reason the coffee I had earlier turned my stomach. She brings popcorn back with her and hands the bag to me while the opening music to Flight of the Navigator begins. At first, it's a little creepy and I look at my viewing partner dubiously, but then the very, very eighties sounding beat kicks in and I laugh. The slow-mo Frisbee dogs make me giggle, too.

Unfortunately, twenty minutes later, I'm balling my eyes out again. The little boy in the movie has to stay in the hospital when all he wants to do is go home and he cries. So I cry. Then I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I'm in bed. Alice is next to me sawing logs and I have no idea how the heck she managed to get me in here. Did I walk? Did she carry me? Drag me?

I sit up and look at her slender arm thrown over her eyes, calculating the probability of her being able to move me. In the corner of my mind I think that Edward would come in handy right about now. I bet he could calculate it for me.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I sigh and then gather my pajamas and clean underclothes before heading to the bathroom. A month later, it's still my nightly ritual. The clock on the nightstand tells me it's after midnight again. There's no surprise there.

As usual the hot water is soothing to my mind and my body. This night I avoid thinking too heavily of Edward. I just try to relish in the knowledge that he's been looking for me, trying to convince those higher up in the Witness Security food chain that he needs to be with me.

I pour some body wash into my hand and then lather up, washing methodically. I use the repetitive, familiar motions as a stress reducing technique. I'm not afraid to admit it feels good, not in a stimulating way, just a soothing one. Well... except when I reach my breasts. They're tender.

I stop a moment because they're actually really tender.

I frown and then gasp. It suddenly all makes so much sense; the moodiness, the crying, even wanting hot chocolate over my usual coffee...

My brain demands a facepalm.

"You have PMS, genius..." I mutter.

I haven't had a period since I've been here, so it's about dang time. It's no wonder I haven't snapped Alice's head off while demanding chocolate.

I giggle at the image in my mind until I realize something else.

Alice took me with her into Pelican this morning to call Jasper and get supplies. We spent a fortune at the little grocery and I didn't buy an ounce of chocolate. I bought graham crackers and ginger ale because my stomach was feeling... off.

"Ohmygod..."

I grip the walls of the shower to keep from falling. My head is swimming. I'm not uneducated, so my mind is furiously trying to work out the math. My heart sinks and tries to talk my gut out of telling me what it already knows.

No, nononono.

"Oh god..."

I think. Maybe I'm wrong. So I count again.

"Oh no."

How… how can I be? How can I possibly be pregnant?

~(~)~


A/N:

1st- If you're a new reader and thinking WTF? The signs are there in the early chapters. I promise you. Also, if you've never seen Flight of the Navigator, and you like 80s nostalgia, it's great fun. Watch it sometime.
2nd- It's probably hard to believe now, but this chapter, of all the possible options out there, was the one I got a nastygram about in my RL.
It was not a good deal, so I pulled it until I could remove the oh, so "offensive" content. There's a lot of story here, so it's back now, with some changes. If you'd like to read it with the full EPOV of Mathward and Bella's first time together, and you're over 18, please check the STARS library. I'm fond of both versions, honestly. Maybe leave a review and let me know if you agree.

All My Best,
-Ginnie