A day late. Not too bad, right? Please give SueBee0619 a huge round of applause for her lightning fast beta services. Also, Katmom gets big hugs for chatting me through the rough parts and pointing out my cell phone inconsistencies. I appreciate both of you ladies, so, so much! oxoxo
Warnings and Disclaimers: I still do not own Twilight or its characters, nor do I own Christina Perri and her wonderful songs. I did give our Teacherward some whiskey this week though, so here's your language warning in advance.
Chapter 18:
BPOV—
It's been five weeks and five days since Edward and I made love for the first and only time.
Apparently, it's also been five weeks and five days since I unknowingly trusted in faulty birth control.
At least that's what the doctor tells me.
"It was a manufacturing mix-up. The blister packs were accidentally rotated 180 degrees within the dispensing cards so that the placebo pills were in the 'week one' slot, instead of 'week four'. There was a recall issued, but you said you recently moved?"
Too stunned to answer, Alice intercedes.
"Yes, she was given a six month supply before relocating."
"Six months? That's unusual."
"It was an emergency." Alice's tone is firm.
"Well, if the issuing pharmacy didn't have an updated phone number or other means of contacting you then, in my mind anyway, that explains it. Did you happen to notice that the color of any of the pills was wrong?"
I shook my head, trying to remember. It would have been the week before Esme and Carlisle left for Hawaii. I'd been highly distracted. I'd even forgotten to take my pill until after school one or two days.
"I can't remember," I whisper.
"I think it's safe to assume she didn't notice," Alice says. Despite my shock and dismay, I have to smile. She's wearing the pantsuit today. She's fierce in the pantsuit. One glance from her and no one would dare mess with me.
I squeeze her hand gratefully and try to absorb some of her confidence and strength. The doctor clears his throat and continues more carefully.
"Well, it's certainly not your fault, my dear. We'll fill out some paperwork and notify the manufacturer for you. I'm not a fan of lawyers, but you might be entitled to one at this point. Do you know how you wish to proceed?"
"No." My voice is barely audible. Tears prick my eyes and my stomach turns, clenching in uncertainty, anxiety, and the same nausea I've been experiencing all week.
The doctor seems understanding of my predicament even though he can't know just how big it really is. He pats my hand and tells me not to worry; they'll do an internal exam and then an ultrasound and we can go from there. The urine test was already positive, so I tell him I know the exact date of conception and he nods, saying they'll just confirm it to be certain.
Ten minutes later, I'm in a paper gown and staring, unseeingly, up at the ceiling. Alice is waiting for me outside the room. The internal exam doesn't take long, but it's as uncomfortable as all hell and I'm unable to hold the tears in. When the doctor is done, he scratches something down on my chart and opens the door, asking for a portable ultrasound machine. Within moments, it's being wheeled into the room.
Suddenly, the squeak and groan of the machine as they maneuver it in the room makes it all too real. I feel an overwhelming sense of dread as I hear it hum to life and watch the doctor and nurse get into position.
I've seen enough movies to know this is the part where people are supposed to see the baby for the first time and cry tears of joy. As the nurse pulls open the paper covering me to expose my navel, my tears are anything but joyful. I can't help either the anger or the regret that course through me.
This shouldn't have happened.
This isn't how it's supposed to go.
I don't want to feel this way right now. I don't want to do this right now. Unfortunately, the doctor's already squeezed the sticky gel stuff onto my navel, and the machine is humming in the background, ready to go.
I tell the doctor to stop. I'm too close to an outright panic attack to let him touch me.
"What's wrong?"
"Wait. Please, just wait." I blink away the tears and the panic. "I don't... want... This just isn't how it's supposed to be."
There's a moment of silence where the piteous looks from the doctor and nurse make me want to scream or punch something as much as they make me want to sob. Fortunately for them, my breathing is too fast to accomplish either.
The doctor rolls his chair back, giving me some space. "Would you like us to get your friend for you?"
"Yes, please," I whisper.
He nods and asks the nurse to get Alice. I lay my head back, breathing deeply until she arrives moments later. With her at my side, the doctor tries again.
Alice keeps her blue eyes locked on mine from then on. I don't watch the doctor, and neither does she. She's here for me. Anything I need, she'll do what she can. I know it's her job to do this, but I also know that's not how she sees it. So I watch her, wishing I could be strong and steadfast like she is.
She smiles and brushes my hair away from my face.
"It'll be okay."
I nod, closing my eyes to stop the tears and just wait for it to all be over. I don't know what I'll do when it is, or how I'll feel about it. Right now, I'm scared again.
As if he knows, the doctor gives a gentle warning before he presses the Doppler wand against me for the first time. I hold my breath until he pushes hard enough to make me gasp. He apologizes and presses the wand down again, but I expect the pressure this time.
I listen to him type away on the keyboard attached to the monitor. With the other hand, he moves the wand, pushing and swirling it around my belly. He stops, clicks something, then moves some more. He moves to a new spot and repeats the pattern; move, stop, click.
The process is taking longer than I thought it would.
"Hmmm..." the doctor comments, still pressing the wand against me. He makes some adjustments on the machine then presses again, harder this time, before mumbling, "Ahh, there we go."
He sounds extraordinarily relieved.
Instinctively, I turn my head towards the man and the monitor behind him.
"What's wrong?"
He shakes his head, smiling. "Just had a hard time capturing a heart rate. I got it though. It'll go faster from here."
Heart rate...
"Does it...? Is it...? Can you hear it?"
He turns his head away from the monitor and looks at me over his eyeglasses.
"Yes."
"Oh."
I look away. Alice squeezes my hand.
"You okay?" she whispers.
I nod, biting my lip and thinking.
The nurse clears her throat. "Would you like to hear it? It's okay either way. If you prefer not to, we understand."
The doctor stops what he's doing for a moment. "If you'd like to hear it, we can do that, Miss Wolfe. I didn't want to assume since this was obviously an unplanned event."
I nod and inhale slowly. I appreciate their sensitivity, but I'm curious and... there's something else I can't quite explain.
"I think I'd like to hear it. Please."
Alice squeezes my hand. "Are you sure, honey?"
I nod again. "Yeah."
The doctor looks back to the ultrasound machine.
"Very well. Give me just a moment to..." He pauses and a muffled scratching sound fills the room, the speaker crackles a couple times, then...
A soft rhythmic whooshing fills the room.
"There it is," he says.
Oh...
It feels as though the sound wraps around me like a blanket.
Whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh...
After a long moment, I finally find my voice again. "Is it supposed to be that fast?"
"Yes, that's perfectly normal."
"Wow..."
Alice looks from me to the monitor. "Wow, huh?
"Yeah..."
My eyes follow hers and suddenly I'm watching my baby's heart beat on the screen. The shapes are completely indistinguishable to me, but the way the movement matches the sound is unmistakable.
"That's the heart?" I ask.
"It is. The fetus was moving around a lot earlier, but I've got it now. It's very strong."
I smile, as much as I have it in me to, anyway. I'm still scared, but... amazed.
Strong. The baby's heart is strong.
Next to me, Alice sighs. I glance up at her.
"So I guess there isn't any need to discuss... options?"
She seems apologetic, even fearful for bringing the subject up, but I understand why she has. She's been witness to all of the highs and lows that I've experienced in the last two weeks. She knows how terrified I've been and what I'm up against.
But my answer is automatic. "No, there's no need."
She rubs my hand, supportively. "Are you sure?"
I look back to the ultrasound machine.
"That's his baby, Alice... Our baby."
After another moment watching and listening, Alice clears her throat. Despite my little epiphany, she still looks worried.
"If you're sure..." she says.
I turn back to the fuzzy monitor. The doctor is apparently done and the screen is now frozen on the best quality image he could get. It still doesn't look like much more than a blob, but what really gets me is the empty feeling that permeates the room as soon as the sound of the heartbeat cuts off.
I miss it already. I'm probably insane for feeling that way, but...
"I'm sure."
Once the words are out, they feel right, and even though I have no idea how this will all work out, or even what kind of mother I can be, I know this is the right decision.
My father always did tell me to trust my instincts— especially that first gut reaction.
Your first shot is almost always your best, Bells. Go with it.
Armed with informational pamphlets, a prescription for pre-natal vitamins, a sample pack of the same, and an ultrasound picture, Alice and I leave the doctor's office in somewhat of a daze. At least, I'm in a daze.
Thoughts of Edward pervade my mind as we drive a short distance to a little Italian restaurant for lunch. What will he think? Will he still want me? Will he be angry? Will he believe me when I tell him what happened? Do I even believe that's what happened?
More than anything, that's what I'm struggling with now.
How could I have missed something like my pills being turned around? Was I so distracted and emotionally distressed that I failed to realize the color was wrong? Was the color wrong? Maybe I just screwed up and missed a pill or two. Without the pill-pack to be sure, I can only wonder.
Of course, it's really neither here nor there at this point.
Once we're seated in a small booth in an isolated corner of the restaurant, me with a ginger-ale and Alice with a glass of Pinot Grigio that I eye somewhat covetously, I pull out the ultrasound picture and stare at it. The name across the top says Vanessa Wolfe, the estimated due date says January the twentieth. It doesn't feel like it belongs to me, but it does.
"Tell me what you're thinking." Alice's voice is soft, undemanding.
I take my time answering.
"I guess I'm still in shock."
Alice nods. "I bet."
"I still can't believe the thing with the birth control. How does a company make a mistake like that?"
"I don't know," she snorts. "But it makes me want to hire Johnny Cochran and sue their asses."
I laugh a little. "Too bad he passed away a few years ago."
She pulls out a breadstick and points it at me. "We could call Erin Brockovich. It's not a chemical spill, but it's a pretty big mistake for a pharmaceutical company to make."
"Erin Brockovich? You and your movies, Alice..."
She scrunches her face up. "At least they issued a recall, but I'm still going to have to look into better notification policies for witnesses provided with prescription medications."
I half-smile.
"So..."
"So..."
"So you're really going through with this? You're going to have the baby?"
I sigh. "I think so. I mean, I don't know. I'm not one-hundred percent certain of anything right now." I pause, taking a deep breath to steady myself. "Alice... I need to talk to Edward."
Please, please, please...
"I know you do... but I can't just let you call him up on the phone. It's against the rules."
I inhale sharply, but try to be patient and let her continue. She does, though I'm pulverizing a package of saltines by the time she gets around to it.
"The first thing I have to do is figure out what I'm doing with you."
"Doing with me?"
She sighs and meets my gaze. "Yes... if you're serious about going through with this," she gestures at the ultrasound, "...we can't stay in Garrett's cabin any longer."
"Not that I'm a huge fan of the place, but why not?"
Her face is incredulous.
"Really, Bella? It took us an hour and a half boat ride, during which you threw up a half dozen times, plus an hour long plane ride, during which you thought you were going to throw up a half a dozen more times, just to get you to a real OB/GYN."
"Right."
I grab my ginger-ale, my stomach turning just from the memory of the trip.
Alice sighs and passes me some fresh saltines. "Sorry."
"I'm fine," I tell her.
She doesn't look convinced, but continues just the same.
"Look... if you do this, we'll need to make sure you're somewhere where you can have regular medical care without getting on a plane or a boat. You need to be in a city. You need another new identity, insurance, and reliable transportation. Your contract with us will have to be changed to include the baby as soon as it's born..." She looks up at me. "I assume you'll be remaining under our protection with a child involved."
I exhale heavily. "I... I don't know. I guess so. Where else would I go? Unless I can go back to Forks, but..."
I can just imagine the scandal that would cause for the Cullens.
Alice doesn't care about scandal, she sees the bigger picture.
"In a world where everything goes at it should and justice is served, the man you are testifying against will spend the rest of his life behind bars. In that same world, James Wiles' testimony will help put the rest of the Vladimir family's organization behind bars as well, and you'll be free to live in peace. But..."
I sigh. "But."
"But plea deals fall apart, evidence gets thrown out on technicalities, bad guys get away. There are no guarantees because the system isn't perfect. The world isn't perfect, and I already messed up with you once, Bella. I don't want to take any chances this time. Ultimately, it's your choice, but it would be safest for you to let us relocate you permanently. It's a fresh start and you need that now more than ever."
"And what about Edward? He's the baby's father." The words feel strange on my tongue.
Alice takes the ultrasound picture from me and looks at it while she answers.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Bella. It won't be an easy road. He'd have to enter the program, too. He'd have to give up his life, his home, his family and friends. Otherwise, he has to give up his child. It's unfair... incredibly unfair... but it's the only way to ensure your safety and the baby's. If you want the baby, he'll have to choose."
My eyes close, tears threatening. Always threatening. "How can I ask that of him?"
"Well, you don't have to." She sighs heavily and I can tell I won't like what she's going to say before she says it. "You can disappear and not tell him."
My eyes fly open. "No! No way! Absolutely not! I could never do that to him!"
I look up through tear-streaked eyes, expecting an argument. Instead, I see Alice smiling.
"Then I think you have your answer. All you can do now is give him the facts and find out if what you two have is real. If it's worth the sacrifice."
~(~)~
EPOV—
It's been six weeks and six days... oh, no scratch that, it's past midnight now.
"Feven sucking weeks," I slur. It seems my ability to speak coherently left me long ago. Like Bella left me. "Everybody leaves me."
"No they don't," Emmett groans. He sounds disgusted. Oh, and a little drunk as well.
I guess that's my fault. He refuses to leave me to my wallowing. Or maybe it's that he refuses to leave me alone at Garrett's bar.
Not that it's his responsibility to keep me from getting my ass kicked by the proprietor. Nor is it his responsibility to keep me from overburdening my kidneys, which were only recently given a free and clear bill of health.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't be abusing them like this, but I don't need a damn babysitter. A wingman maybe... even a designated driver would be okay, but judging from the bottles sitting in front of Emmett, I'm pretty sure he no longer qualifies.
"You're not drive…" I choke on a belch. "...driving me home? Are you?"
He shakes his head. "Nope."
"So how are we getting home?"
"No clue."
"Well, what fucking good are you, then?"
He laughs. "I'm just here to make sure you don't do anything stupid."
I lift my empty shot glass; it's the most recent of many. "Great job."
"Shut up, asshole." He laughs.
I laugh. Or at least, I think I do. It comes out weird, and way too loud.
Damn, I've had a lot to drink...
I blink hard and look around the bar for my nemesis. I actually haven't seen the infamous Garrett tonight, but I know he's gotta be here somewhere –unless he's out playing special-agent-slash-kidnapper for someone else.
Yeah... I know the whole the story. I know how Bella called Garrett's Bar from Emmett's phone on the way to the hospital. I know how a tall, muscular guy with grey hair and his tiny little wife met them there and proceeded to take Bella off Emmett's hands for her own safety. I also know Emmett might have put up more of a fight if my heart hadn't decided to stop beating just then.
If I could go back in time and kick my own ass for having lousy timing, I would.
I've been feeling that way a lot lately.
If I could just go back and not take Bella to the movies that night.
If I could just tell people about my feelings for Bella without shocking them.
If I could go back and prevent Tori from overhearing me tell the FBI that I loved Bella.
That last one was the one I had the least control over, but outside of my relationship with Bella, it seemed to be the thing causing the most problems for our family. Tori just hadn't been the same since storming out of the hospital all those weeks ago. She barely spoke to us anymore.
Bella's easy acceptance into our family had apparently been difficult for her to take even before the shooting. While she'd been trying hard at first not to compare their situations, she'd eventually become jealous. Overhearing my spoken declaration of affection for Bella, after just a few short months of knowing her, only fueled Tori's lingering insecurities from years past. Then, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was our mother's teasing banter about grandchildren.
Completely unaware of the tumult brewing inside Tori's mind, Mom mentioned hoping that Emmett and I would settle down, but inadvertently left Tori out. Tori's little show about going home to Forks and sleeping in her old room was apparently an attempt to remind us all that she was still a part of the family and that she'd been there first, before Bella.
Of course, since telling us how she felt, she's ironically refused to have much to do with the family. She was sulking, it was true, but for the most part, she was genuinely hurt and I couldn't help feeling guilty for my part in that.
"What are you scowling about over here now?"
Startled, I look up to see Garrett waltzing up to the bar and stopping right in front of me. He looks me up and down for a moment and shakes his head.
"What?" I ask, my tone instantly confrontational.
Continuing to stare me down, he doesn't answer and eventually looks to Emmett.
"Can I get you another?"
Emmett shrugs. "Why not."
"What about me?" I sound every bit the belligerent drunk.
Garrett scoffs as he pops the top of Em's microbrew and hands it to him. "I don't think so, Cullen. Isabella would have my ass if I let you die of alcohol poisoning now."
He puts a glass of water in front of me and I open my mouth to protest until I realize that he actually mentioned Bella by name.
I sober up almost instantly. This is the first time he's even acknowledged he knew who I was talking about since I started coming here, hoping to get some information from him. He's just never complied before.
Apparently, Garrett realizes this too.
"Just drink that," he sighs, pointing to the water. "If you don't puke or pass out, we'll talk later. Bar closes in fifteen."
I don't get a chance to question him before he moves down the bar and announces last call. There's a stir because it's ten minutes earlier than usual.
Next to me, Emmett stares after him, just as mystified as I am. "What do you think changed?"
I frown. "I have no idea."
Emmett takes his phone out and looks at the time. "I was thinking of calling a cab to come get us. This guy Denny owes me a favor and works nights. Should I hold off?"
"Yeah... I think we may be here for a while."
Sure enough, as soon as the bar is closed and the last of the patrons have stumbled out, Garrett locks the doors and asks his wife to make a fresh pot of coffee.
My heart starts pounding when he finally comes back to the bar and ushers us over to a corner booth in the back.
"So..." Emmett is the first to speak when we sit.
"So you guys are nothing if not persistent," Garrett says, shaking his head.
We stay quiet. My throat is suddenly too dry to say much now anyway.
Garrett rubs his chin methodically and finally looks up at me. "Isabella is a federal witness. You guys know that right?"
We nod.
"And you know what she's risking..." He points to my shoulder. "...by agreeing to testify in whatever case she's testifying in. Right?"
"Duh..."
"Yeah, we know."
Emmett and I look at each other and back to Garrett.
"So I don't know where she is. Not anymore. And I'm sorry I was such a dick to you guys before, but as far as I was concerned, her safety for the last month and a half was contingent on me keeping my trap shut."
I frown. "But you don't know where she is."
"No."
"Then why didn't you say that when we first showed up?" Emmett cuts in.
Garrett stares at him.
"Oh," my brother says nodding.
I'm still too drunk to catch the significance. "Oh, what?"
Garrett chuckles. "I don't know where Bella is now, but at the time you first came in here guns-a-blazin', I did. Since then, she's apparently been moved."
Fear strikes.
"What? Why?"
Emmett echoes the sentiment. "What happened?"
"Is she okay?" I add.
Garrett puts his hands up. "I don't know. But I'm sure if she's with Alice, then she's fine. They probably got a little stir-crazy, is all. All I know is that I got a phone call tonight telling me I could have my cabin back."
"What cabin?" Emmett asks before I can.
"I have a place up in Alaska that's real remote. Whitlock and Brandon, the Marshals in charge of protecting Isabella, they're good friends of mine. When they got run off the road that day, they didn't know who to trust with the girl's safety so they turned to me. I spoke to Alice only briefly and told her I knew a place we could go until she could figure out an alternative."
He scratches the back of his neck. "It turns out that we may have overreacted. I think a random hotel somewhere would have done it. Of course, we couldn't be sure and Bella didn't exactly go quietly, so then again, maybe not."
"What do you mean she didn't go quietly?" I sit up taller and narrow my eyes.
Garrett chuckles. "She fought like hell, man. She wanted to stay with you and could've cared less about the consequences. Little spitfire, that one."
I stare at him unblinking while he shakes his head as if remembering something fondly. I want to imagine a feisty Bella giving him a hard time, but for some reason I see a picture in my head that is anything but amusing. Instead I see Bella terrified and heartbroken. I hear her voice begging me not to die.
"You okay?" Emmett asks softly.
I shake my head, unsure if I am. I think I need another drink. I can hear her as if she's right next to me.
"Please be okay," she whispers, touching my cheek. "Please don't leave me."
"Never," I vow. "I love... you."
"I love you, too. So much."
Her voice is a broken whisper in my ear. She sounds so afraid and I feel a desperate urge to comfort her. To make sure she knows I mean my words. I won't leave her. I refuse to give up.
For several long, perfect hours I could see my whole future in her eyes. I just didn't tell her. I have to tell her.
"Bella?"
She answers and then...
"Marry me?"
A startled gasp escapes me. It matches Bella's gasp in my memory. The vision is so hazy now that I can't tell the expression on her face. I try to force myself to remember if she answered. I can't. It's all slipping away.
Was that even real?
"Edward, man, what's wrong?"
Emmett's waving a hand in front of me. I sit back and blink.
"I... I'm fine."
He and Garrett are both looking at me a little dubiously. Garrett waves his wife over while I shrug Emmett off.
"I'm fine."
"Are you gonna puke?"
I almost laugh at that. "Nah."
Garrett's wife shows up with coffee. I don't drink it. I'm sober enough now. And I have plan. At least, I think I do.
I may just need some help.
"Garrett?"
"Yeah?"
"I need your advice."
"Okay."
"How do I convince the U.S. Marshal Service that I'm engaged to Bella? And will that be enough to count me as immediate family?"
Next to me, Emmett shakes his head. "I thought you already tried that angle."
"Yeah, well, I've tried everything, but that was before I remembered actually proposing to her."
My brother nearly spits his coffee out, but Garrett merely raises an eyebrow at me.
"The way I heard it, you didn't exactly get an answer."
I feel my face turn up into a grin. "You heard?"
He shrugs.
"Well... I want my answer."
~(~)~
BPOV—
It's been eight weeks since I've last seen Edward Cullen or the state of Washington.
The latter, I never thought I'd miss, but I do. The former... well, the former makes my whole being ache with wanting. The former is home.
I miss home.
I want to go home. I just don't know if I'll be welcome there anymore.
Especially now; now that I'm not alone in this, now that I have a secret even more significant than the one I kept from him before.
"I'm pregnant, Alice. It's time to deal with that."
"We're only asking three more weeks, Bella. You go before the grand jury in James Wiles' case in three weeks. Edward will be doing the same, and..."
"In three weeks, I'll be in my second trimester. Don't you think Edward deserves to hear about this before then? I've waited long enough. If it weren't for the fact I'm no longer risking just myself, I would have walked away by now. You guys have enough evidence on both Wiles and Stephen Vladimir to convict them without me."
She huffs and begins pacing again. I don't let up.
"You promised. You told me you'd work something out."
Another huff. She's frustrated. "I know. I guess I shouldn't have done that."
"Alice!"
"Look, I'm being scrutinized at every turn. I already broke a ton of rules when I had someone outside of our organization take you to Alaska, and if I'm not careful, they'll assign someone else to you."
I sit back, defeated.
Alice eventually moves to sit next to me. "The grand jury will need to get testimony from both of you. We'll work it out then."
"No."
"Then what do you suggest?"
I stand and look around the motel room that's been our home of late. We moved out of the cabin two weeks ago and have since been staying near the airport in Juneau. There's been a lot of "wait and see" going on since then.
I'm fed up. But what are my options...?
Phone? She had outgoing calls blocked already. Computer? That's a no-no as well. Shoes, keys, purse? Tempting. A stack of quarters? Hmmm...
"Bella... I don't like that look in your eye."
I move across the room with purpose. Jeans, sweatshirt, socks, sneakers.
"Bella."
I move to the bathroom and shut the door. Teeth, hair, toilet. I won't get far without taking care of that first.
When I emerge, I grab my purse, the keys, and the quarters off the dresser.
"Isabella." Alice's tone is dark. She steps into my path.
I hug her. She freezes, not expecting it.
"You asked me what I suggest, right?" I ask.
She pulls back, her gaze wide and fearful. What are you doing? she seems to beg.
"I suggest you close your eyes, Alice. Look the other way."
The last thing I go for before leaving is her cell phone. She moves to stop me, but I step back from her with surprising agility, her phone in hand.
"Look the other way."
I don't wait to see if she does. I turn and walk out the door. On my way to the car, I turn her phone off and throw it in my purse. Once in the car, I gun the accelerator and pray this won't get my friend fired.
It doesn't take me too long to find what I'm looking for once in downtown Juneau. It's dark outside already, but the area is relatively safe and the police station is nearby so I'm not too worried about running into trouble. The only trouble I foresee is likely brewing back in our hotel room.
Parking the rental car on the street outside City Hall, I step out onto the street and fist the quarters tightly in my pocket. My hands shake while depositing them in the payphone. They shake as my fingers hover over the buttons, trying desperately to remember the number I need. I've never actually dialed it before; it was in my Forks phone only for emergencies
Concentrating hard, my whole body trembles as I dial. The butterflies kick in when the line actually rings through.
Oh, God... Please be the right number.
It rings twice, then three times, and a fourth before...
"Hey, this is Edward. You know what to do."
A ragged inhale catches in my throat. I might have actually forgotten the sound of it, but I'd know that voice in an instant. It takes me a moment to collect myself after the beep.
"Hi, Edward... It's me. It's Bella. I... um, I..." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, pressing the cold plastic phone tighter against my ear. "I needed to talk to you and this may be my only opportunity for a little while. I don't know... I don't know if you still... think of me? Maybe? I do. I think of you. All the time. And I'm sorry... for everything. I wish I'd been there." I take another deep breath. "I wish I was there now."
I stay silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. I can't say it all on his voicemail. Who would do that? A single tear spills over and I wipe it away angrily.
"God, this really sucks. I can't... I need to speak to you and not like this. I'm going to try and call you back. Maybe you'll pick up." I sigh, sniffle, wipe away more tears. "I... I still love you. I hope that's okay to say, but if it's not, then... I understand. I'll call you back." I hesitate and then hang up.
It takes a few moments for me to calm myself enough to try again. I insert all the quarters I have left and dial.
My heart drops to my feet when it goes straight to voicemail this time. I leave another message, but it's much shorter. It's all I can manage without falling apart.
"Hi. It's me again. I told you I'd try again. I guess you're busy, though, so... Goodbye, Edward."
Biting my lip fiercely, I put the phone back in its cradle and steady myself. I feel like I would blow into dust if the wind suddenly picked up. I force myself to turn around and return to the warmth and safety of the car. Each step hurts. When I reach the curb, I contemplate going to the emporium across the street and changing some bills into quarters so I can try again. Or maybe they have pre-paid phone cards.
I take a quavering breath and decide that's what I'll do. At the very least, I'll call Esme and Carlisle's house. I've already broken the rules as it is, so what have I got to–
Behind me, an archaic sound I haven't heard in years breaks my reverie.
I turn slowly.
The payphone is ringing. Ringing!
My heart soars.
My mind scorns. No... don't hope for it. Just don't.
Chest heaving, one foot follows the other until I'm standing in front of the ancient device while it rings, and rings, and rings.
My heart wins out.
"Edward?"
A strangled noise is all I hear, then...
"Bella!"
~(~)~
Happy yet? Happier maybe?
Let me know. :-)
More next week.
In the meantime, if you need something to keep you busy, the Twilight round of The Canon Tour is going on right now! There are 26 top notch canon and AU entries and one of them is mine. Voting runs until November 4th and winners are announced the next day.
http : / / www. fanfiction. net / u/ 3041014/ thecanontour [remove the spaces]
A Final Note: I've been meaning to mention this before now, but it slipped my attention. Tori is not evil in this fic. Though some of you have worried, there's no need to fear her jumping out of the shadows to ruin everything in the future. If you're curious, I chose to name her Victoria because I wanted a name that was traditional and went well with Edward since they had the same birth mother. Also, RPattz has a sister named Victoria, so I ran with it.
Thanks for your support!
Ginnie
