Chapter 8. Epilogue
Chakotay borrowed the truck again to take B'Elanna to the transport field. Sekaya was still talking to him, so that was something. He still needed to clear the air with her, but he knew she would forgive him. Family meant more to them both than custom or religion.
He had tried again half-heartedly to convince B'Elanna to stay longer, even though it would be a week until the next transport, but when she said she needed to get home to Tom, he shut up. She didn't say more, but she had a different look about her, and he hoped it boded well.
The drive passed mostly in silence, both of them thinking, but finally B'Elanna said, "I'm sorry for what I said, about fairytales and soulmates. It was … juvenile. Not fair to you or to Kathryn."
He thought about that as he slowed to wave through the window at a neighbor. He swallowed, nodding slightly, then said, "The last time I talked to Kathryn, I told her I was ready to retire, and I wanted her to retire with me. I wanted a home and I wanted her there with me."
He felt his face fall into the practiced grimace that had carved new lines of grief in his face this past year. He took a deep breath. "She told me she'd always known she would lose me in the end. Said she was alone after all." Abruptly he pulled over to the side of the road. The silence in the cab was deep and total. He couldn't look at B'Elanna.
"I … loved her. So much. All I ever wanted to do was stay by her side and share her burdens. But she kept me at arm's length, a lot. I stopped trying so hard. And then she died thinking she was alone." Tears were rolling freely down his face now.
"Chakotay." Her voice too was thick with tears. "If only you could have seen what the rest of us saw." He looked over then and saw nothing but compassion in her eyes. "You balanced her. You completed her. She wasn't one to talk about it much, but it was so clear that she cherished you."
He opened his mouth to protest, to question, then closed it. Listened to B'Elanna's meaning and how it echoed his vision. Still, like a little child, his plaint: "She got so angry with me, though. And that last time … I was furious."
She took his hand, stroked the back of it. "We love people so imperfectly. I guess we can't help it - the flaws, or the loving. And … people say things when they're angry. Things they don't really mean. Fears they carry with them, maybe, that they know aren't reality."
He raised his hand to caress the side of her face. She raised hers to wipe the tears from his. They leaned in slowly and shared a gentle kiss of friendship, accepting and forgiving, saying goodbye.
If there was a little frisson of carnal heat, a glimmer of something more … it was easy to smile and let it be. This was better.
Boarding the transport, B'Elanna kept her bag on her shoulder and went straight to a netlink.
Re: Hey
I'll stay. I want you with me.
Changes: I want us to start arguing again. I miss that. And making up.
And let's plan a trip together. Not just to see Miral.
Dorvan is nice.
-B
