DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Ouran High School Host Club

Warnings: The usual

Enjoy chapter thirty!


Chapter 30

Izumi was morosely contemplating his options at hand. Although he understands what the right thing to do is, considering his talk with Haruhi, it was still a huge risk to take. And yes, he does feel bad about his actions causing Kaoru so much harm. And there's no doubt he was a coward for doing this. Yet, his fears always take control and decide on their own the best choice to make. How exactly can he go past that to fix the way things are now? More importantly, how was he supposed to even do that? It was probably already too late.

Although it shouldn't matter if it was or wasn't, it did make things more complicated. It made it harder to fix this problem. He should've stopped this a while ago. But he was too blinded by his stupidity to see that. So thinking about how he should do this made him feel unsure and doubtful if it would even improve their relationship. Better yet, if they would be able to date again like before.

He felt like there would be a sense of awkwardness if he suddenly decided to talk to Kaoru after two weeks. Maybe he would have already given up on Izumi and not listen to him by that time. How then? How should he approach this matter? Would next week be too late? For sure he couldn't do it today. He still needed to thoroughly think about everything.

Sure, you would think he had two freaking weeks to think about it, but in truth he pushed it in the back of his mind. He made himself forget in case he were to question his choice. In case he were to act out in desperation because of his emotions and feelings. But now that he thought about it, he would have been better off doing just that.

But there was no reason to feel guilt or regret about what has already been done. The only thing Izumi could do now is think about his next action. He needed to really think about it. He didn't want to make another mistake. No. Not again.

He didn't mean to lose Kaoru—well he figured it would happen. But it's not like this is what he wanted. He didn't want to cause the boy any harm. He just wanted to protect him... because Kaoru is someone extremely special to him. He loves him. And he's an idiot. An utter fool. That much was obvious to him.

Izumi sighed and rolled over to his back, facing the roof of the dojo. It was honestly such a pain thinking about all of this. He knew deep down what he should do. Yet, his mind always brought up uncertainty and apprehension in order to contradict it. Making him rethink and try to find a loop around it.

Just talk to him. Izumi thought to himself. It sure did sound like an easy task. And maybe it would be. He just needed to tell Kaoru everything... Everything...

Certainly Kaoru would want to know everything. Every detail. Not just a summary of what actually happened. Not the censored version he told Haruhi. Would he be able to tell him? What would Kaoru even think about it?

Wait...

If Izumi were to tell Kaoru everything then... he would have to mention the fact about his father. Telling it to Haruhi wasn't hard because of the way she is. But what would Kaoru do? Would he be mad? Most likely. He didn't like it when Izumi kept to himself after all. But it wouldn't be fair if Izumi didn't tell him since he already told Haruhi. Plus it took a big role in the story.

No, this isn't something he should be debating on. He had to tell Kaoru everything. Even if he didn't want to. Their relationship is never going to work if Izumi doesn't open up to him. It won't work out if he keeps distancing himself. So although he would like to keep Kaoru ignorant about this, he had to tell him.

He had to talk to him.

Izumi frowned at that. It was the only thing he could do. Talk to Kaoru. So why is he making such a big deal about it? No matter what he said to himself, there was only one option. All his thoughts and questions led to one conclusion. He knew that, of course. There was no point in all this thinking. He wasn't gaining anything from this. Just a big headache.

"So are you going to finally talk to him?"

Izumi turned his head and saw Liviya standing by the entrance of the dojo. He sat up and looked at her with a blank expression.

"You let her in." he stated rather than asked. Of course it was her.

"I did." Liviya admitted.

"Even though I told you to not let any of them in."

Liviya narrowed her eyes to a glare. "I may just be a maid, but it is also my job to take care of you."

The raven haired continued to give her a blank look before making a small smile. "Well, thank you."

This shocked her a little. She had expected him to get mad at her for not listening to him, not be grateful.

Izumi stood up and slipped past Liviya, who looked quite confused at the moment. "You know, I'm kind of hungry right now. How about you make me something?" he announced as he went out the already opened door.

Liviya scowled and turned towards him. "I ain't making you shit!" she shouted.

"Well, you're a maid, right? You have to take care of me." he teased with a smirk.

"Oh shut up!"


Izumi decided it was best to talk to Kaoru after school on Monday. He was planning on showing up at the host club and attempt to get the boy alone. It was kind of embarrassing when he thought about it, having to suddenly appear again in front of everyone. Maybe he was going to get yelled at. Or maybe just get an overwhelming welcome, considering Tamaki.

Either way Izumi was uneasy and nervous as he approached the music room that day. He was having second thoughts as he hesitantly grabbed the handle and turned it downwards. He could hear voices and shuffling through the door. With a sigh he gathered up all his courage, and opened the door.

His expectations were way off.

The first thing that happened as Izumi walked inside was get yelled at by Tamaki, who told him something he hadn't expected to hear.

"You're late Izumi," the blonde stated firmly. "Go get dressed before the ladies get here!"

Izumi stood still, not remembering what to even do anymore. He's late? To go get dressed? Why is he acting as if nothing happened!?

He glanced around and none of the hosts seemed shocked to even see him. He searched for Kaoru, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. Neither was Hikaru. Where are they?

"Hurry and change!" Tamaki explained as he shoved a bag of clothes in the raven haired's arms and proceeded to push him over to the dressing room.

Izumi looked over to Haruhi and give her a confused expression, wondering what was going on. The girl just sighed and went over to him.

"Tamaki, I got him." Haruhi said as she grabbed Izumi's arm and pulled him to the dressing room.

"Wait Haruhi!" the blonde called out after them. "A lady should not go in a room alone with a guy!"

Haruhi rolled her eyes and went in with Izumi anyways. "Calm down." she ordered Tamaki before closing the door. Izumi stared at her and made a frown.

"So this morning I told everyone you were coming back," she said to him. "That's why no one's shocked or anything."

Well that explains things. Izumi thought. Then he furrowed his brow as he remembered something. "Where's Kaoru?" Was he avoiding me since he knew I was coming?

"He didn't come to school today."

"Wha—Why not!?" Damn it! Izumi cursed. This ruins everything if he's not here.

"According to Hikaru he's sick," Haruhi paused and sighed. "Though I highly doubt it."

Izumi tilted his head at that so the girl continued, "There are many days where Kaoru purposely misses school. Hikaru always says he's sick, but really I think he just doesn't want to come. Especially since when he is here he's just sitting around and doing nothing." Haruhi explained. "This is the effect of what you were doing."

Izumi had to flinch at that. Knowing it was his fault really weighed him down with guilt.

"Well I'll leave you to change." Haruhi said as she turned around and left the dressing room.

Izumi sighed and opened the bag, proceeding to put the clothes on. So Kaoru doesn't know I'm here. Did that mean he would have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him? No. He told himself for sure it had to be today. A day later is a day too late. So he would have to actually go to Kaoru's house to talk to him. Now if only he could get Hikaru to let him. It was very likely he would be mad at Izumi after all.

Izumi straightened up his necklace, making sure it didn't get caught with anything. The outfit was simple. Just a black tuxedo. At least he didn't have to be humiliated the day he got back. Izumi looked at himself in the mirror. It was strange. Usually Kaoru would be helping him. He would be fussing over on how messed up Izumi's hair was. Then get mad when he ran a hand through it. So the image seemed off now. His black hair was a mess and possibly tangled up. Not to mention he seriously needed to get a haircut. Damn strands were starting to reach his chin.

But Kaoru wasn't here. So with a sigh Izumi opened the door to the dressing room and stepped out. As soon as he did he noticed how all the hosts were going around and preparing everything. They were making the place seem more fancy to go along with their formal attire. No one really gave Izumi so much as a glance. They were all too invested in what they were doing.

Izumi walked over to the usual spot he had been signed to as a host. The couches were replaced with a small round table along with three blue victorian armchairs. With a glance around Izumi noticed how the other hosts' spots had the same thing but with different color chairs. Tamaki's had yellow, Haruhi's had white, Honey and Mori's had pink, Kyouya didn't have a spot since he didn't tend to guests, and Hikaru and Kaoru's had red.

Izumi had merely looked at how Hikaru was helping Haruhi with the tea trays, yet the auburn boy had turned around immediately and given him a cold glare before walking away. It was obvious to Izumi that Hikaru was mad at him. And it was understandable. The boy had put his trust in him when he was dating Kaoru. So after what Izumi had done there was no way Hikaru can overlook how he hurt Kaoru. Damn, I really am stupid.

There were some shuffling noises outside the music room and that was the crew's cue to take their positions. They all stood in front of the double doors—with the exception of Izumi who never did that and choose to sit down instead—and a handful of girls came in just in time.

"Welcome!" they all greeted in unison. The girls were immediately taken in with how the place looked combined with how they were all dressed. They complimented the hosts and were in awe when Honey showed them how his bunny was also wearing a tux.

Izumi sighed and mindlessly fingered the cushion of the armchair. How were they going to react when they saw him? Hopefully they wouldn't give them too much attention. He honestly did not want to be pestered by girls. Who does? But to his misfortune that wasn't possible.

"Izumi, you're back!?" A girl shouted all of a sudden. The other girls sharply turned their heads to where the raven haired was sitting. In a split second they all rushed over to him, forgetting about the other hosts.

"Izumi, what happened?"

"How come you stopped coming?"

"Are you staying for sure now?"

"We missed you!"

Izumi laughed nervously at all the questions the girls were bombarding him with. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." he said as he scratched the back of his head, he seriously needed someone to help him here. Izumi looked at all the girls and searched around.

"Oh if you're wondering, Yuka and Mai stopped coming." A girl peaked in.

Izumi furrowed his brows at that. "They stopped coming?"

The girls all nodded. Another girl said, "You were never here so they stopped coming after a while."

Izumi frowned. Did they only come to the host club for him? For some reason that actually made him happy thinking about it. But he also felt bad that they stopped coming because of him.

"Ladies, please sign in and take a seat." Kyouya announced behind them all.

With that the girls left and went to choose their own hosts. Izumi sighed and began touching the cushion of the chair again. If Yuka and Mai weren't here then most likely he wouldn't have a guest. They were his regulars after all. The other girls might like him but they had their own favorite host.

"Izumi?"

The raven haired picked up his head and spotted two girls standing in front of him. They both giggled as he tilted his head at them. "We picked you, if that's okay." the shortest girl said.

"Oh, uh yeah. Take a seat." Izumi replied, smiling a little. The girls smiled back widely and took a seat. Even though he complains about these girls there was still something about being a host that even he enjoys.


The host club ended quite smoothly. Of course there was an outrage from the tsundere type because Tamaki had been smothering him with his childish ways. Then there was an agonizingly long lecture given to him by an angry Renge about how important it is to take responsibilities seriously. And lastly, there was a non-verbal fight between him and Hikaru, who had stuck his foot in Izumi's way, resulting in him nearly tripping and then proceeding to end with a glare-down. Overall it went by smoothly.

Now the real problem at hand had to be acted on. Izumi needed to talk to Kaoru. Though he couldn't just show up at his house. He felt like he needed to talk to Hikaru about it and get his approval. But they hadn't exactly gotten off to a good start, which was a problem all on its own.

Izumi looked around and spotted the elder twin gathering his things. He was getting ready to leave and Izumi still didn't know how to approach this matter.

"Well I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Hikaru announced as he walked towards the door.

"Goodbye!" the crew all said.

Izumi became anxious as he thought about what he should do. He watched as the auburn haired opened the door and left the music room. It's now or never. Izumi grabbed his bag hurriedly.

"I'm leaving too!" he said as he rushed out, barely catching the 'goodbye' from the others. He scanned the hallway and spotted Hikaru not too far off. "Wait Hikaru!" Izumi blurted out before he had time to think.

The boy turned around and narrowed his eyes to a glare when he saw how it was Izumi that had called him. "What?" he snarled.

This wasn't thoroughly thought about so Izumi was lost at what to say next. "I... um..." Damn it! I didn't think this through.

"What is it?" Hikaru asked, annoyed by how long it was taking Izumi to say something. He honestly didn't even want to talk to him.

Izumi ruffled his hair in frustration. He had to say it. He had to just say it straight up. "I... I need to talk to Kaoru."

There was a long silence between the two as Hikaru raised his eyebrow at him. Izumi was beginning to become apprehensive with the current atmosphere.

After a while the twin spoke up. "Yeah, so?"

"And I... uh..." At this moment Izumi completely blanked out.

"Just talk to him tomorrow," Hikaru said brusquely and then mumbled, "That is if he even comes."

Izumi shook his head, "No I... I need to talk to him today."

Hikaru rolled his eyes, not liking how persistent the raven haired was being. "I said tomorrow."

"No! It has to be today."

"He's sick today. Try tomorrow."

"But he's not really sick, is he? He's just skipping school." Izumi countered.

Hikaru furrowed his brows at that. "What? No—I mean yes he's been doing that lately, but he's actually sick today!"

He's really sick then? Izumi thought. That just made him more determined knowing Kaoru was feeling bad. "I need to talk to him!"

"Tomorrow! Now stop bothering me." Hikaru turned around and started walking away. He needed to leave before he got mad. But unfortunately for him Izumi grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Wait! I really need to talk to him." Izumi wasn't about to let this go.

Hikaru cursed and glared back at him. Damn is he stubborn!


After much talk and relentless arguing Izumi managed to persuade Hikaru into letting him talk to Kaoru. In other words, convincing him to let Izumi go to their house. They went by car of course and the ride was rather uncomfortable and awkward. They didn't say anything to each other the whole time.

Izumi didn't care though, he was too busy getting cold feet the closer they got to their destination. He was losing the confidence he had earlier. It's been two—three if he started from New Year's—weeks since they had last talked. Too much time had passed by. Not to mention that, according to Haruhi, Kaoru was skipping school because of him. Izumi was nervous and getting agitated just thinking about what was going to happen.

The car came to a stop and Hikaru and Izumi both grabbed their bags before stepping out of the car as the chauffer opened the door. Once they were both inside Hikaru just went to the kitchen without saying a word to the other. Izumi followed him and observed the house. Embarrassingly enough this is the first time he's actually been here.

"Um Hikaru?" Izumi called out.

The boy turned around and gave him a look of utter annoyance. So Izumi continued, "Where's his room?"

Hikaru rolled his eyes and walked up to the fridge and opened it. "Find it yourself."

"But—"

"Find it yourself." he repeated before grabbing an apple and leaving the kitchen.

Izumi sighed and ruffled his hair. Maybe I can ask a maid or something. But as he looked around the house he couldn't seem to find any. The house was completely empty. With a scowl Izumi headed upstairs, figuring it to be the most obvious place to look. He went into the left hallway first and opened every door he found. The first room he opened had a few clothes thrown in the corner and textbooks on the table, but after a closer look Izumi noticed it must have been Hikaru's room. He was aware they weren't sharing a room since Kaoru had told him before. The rest of the rooms were all vacant and seemed like for they were meant for guests.

After searching the last door of the left hallway, Izumi concluded it must be in the right side. The house was rather big so it was annoying and tiring having to check every room. With a deep breath Izumi opened the first door. As soon as he peeked inside he immediately knew he had the right room. Damn why didn't I check here first!?

Izumi looked around and noticed a lump under the covers of the bed. Kaoru was facing the wall so he hadn't noticed him yet, but he did hear the door.

"I'm trying to sleep." he said, figuring it must have been Hikaru.

"I need to talk to you," That… voice… "Kaoru."

Kaoru abruptly sat up and turned his body to the door. He stared with wide eyes when he saw the raven haired by it. "Izumi?" He could hardly believe the boy was actually right there in front of him.

Izumi lowered his eyes sadly. He really hated how surprised the auburn haired was. "Yeah… hi." he muttered.

There was a moment of silence between the two boys. They both stared at each other and neither moved an inch. They felt a familiar sense between them that made it seem as if they hadn't been apart for three weeks. Though as soon as Kaoru was reminded about it he glared and lay back on the bed, turning his body to face the wall again.

"Leave."

"Kaoru?" Izumi called out quietly in confusion. Was it too late?

"Leave. I don't want to see you."


Heh cliffhanger. I enjoy them sorry ^^;

Damn, I was bombarded with reviews. But that made me very happy :3

Oh man thirty chapters already and I feel like we're still missing a lot. I probably miscalculated the amount. Eh...

And I'm terribly sorry for the nearly four week wait (damn I should be ashamed of myself!)

But I've been awfully(for some reason I almost spelled this as offly .-.) busy lately. Damn creative writing teacher is making me practice for a fucking poetry slam performance(which I was forced to accept with her *do it or get an F* look T.T) And I'm supposed to do it in front of a lot of people on stage D: (though at least I'm doing it with this other girl since we combined our poems)

Honestly she's making me do too much. I already have to do this story for a writing competition and then a story slam I HAVE to memorize, and now the damn performance(and all this is due by the end of next week...)

*plus I'm sick so this sucks...heh, reason why I made Kaoru sick

Ugh... but winter break is almost here(in a week or so) so I'll have more time to focus on this story. That is, if my procrastination doesn't beat my commitment. But I finally got the rest of the arc planned out so shouldn't be too hard to write out(...shouldn't be...)

PLEASE REVIEW, FOLLOW, AND FAVORITE \(^.^)/