I wasn't expecting to be doing this today, I wasn't expecting today to happen, well not without her. These type of things were more of her than mine. She was supposed to be here with me, she was supposed to be by my side doing all this stuff. But she not, she left me all alone in this world. She left me to do this while she's gone. No one has talked about her, not since that day. No one really mentions her name, well not when I'm around anyways. I don't know why I think we need to talk about her, she was someone who made people feel special, she was special and now she's gone.
I look out the window and see people gathering outside. I see them all smiling, happy, and I get mad. Why are they happy when she's not even here. I heard her name being mention and whenever it does, I see some look away or someone would change the subject. Why don't they ever talk about her? It seems like her name is taboo here. I think they don't talk about her because they feel guilty. I think they believe it's their fault that she isn't here. Celebrating this occasion with us.
My father and mother came in as the girls finished with my make-up and hair. And as expected they didn't say her name, not once. But when my father looks at me I know, I just know he's thinking of her. He's always thinking of her. Sometimes I would hear him cry in his room, thinking I am asleep. He would call out her name, beg her to come home, he would sometimes even talk to her, ask her how she is doing. He would tell her that he isn't doing alright, but for her, he'll be strong just for her. But whenever I would mention her name around him, he wouldn't talk. He would always look away and change the subject. And my mother would never get past the crying, so I could never talk about her.
Walking down the aisle, I swear I saw her there. I saw her standing there watching me about to say 'I do'. I swear I saw her there beside him, smiling at the both of us. But I know it wasn't real, she isn't here. As I said my 'I do' I couldn't help but turn to him, and he was already staring at me. I know it hurts him to see me every day. To see me every day and think of her. I know whenever he stares at me, I remind him of her. I know he thinks of her, every and each passing day. I know it hurts him because it hurts me. It hurts me whenever I stare in the mirror and sometimes I see her staring back. Sometimes I swear I could hear her voice calling me. Sometimes I could see here standing there staring at me with a smile. Sometimes I would even feel her beside me, holding me as I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes it would even feel like she wasn't gone but then I remember she won't be coming home, not anytime soon.
As I went to greet the guest, they would often mention her name. They would say how proud she would have been. Some of the guests would say that they're sorry for my loss and that they understand my pain. But in reality, they don't know half the pain I feel, the pain our parents feel, or how he feels, they don't know and will never know. Whenever they would mention her name, I would turn to him, knowing he was able to hear. I would see him look down at the mention of her name. I know it hurts him and I can't help but feel guilty.
When I dance with our father, he would stare at me and I knew he was thinking of her. I knew in his head he was imagining her wedding. I'm not mad because this was supposed to be about her, she wanted this stuff I, on the other hand, did not. She actually believed in the concept of marriage, whereas I just believed it's a piece of paper. She believed in the fairytale of it, she believed that love was forever. Forever... something that was supposed to be for you. When I mentioned her name, he looked away and didn't say anything. When the song finished he gave me to my husband and went away. What hurt more was the fact that he didn't say how proud she would have been. It hurt watching him leave and not say her name, not even once.
When the speeches came along, as expected they were unique. My brother-in-law went up there and said a joke that most didn't get. Our friend went up there explaining how I fell for my husband's perfect hair. You always say that she was jealous of me, but I never believed you. However, now paying attention to her I see it. My sister-in-law went up there and basically told me I had to change my style. Funny, that what you said would happen when I join their family. Father went up there, practically threaten my husband if he ever hurt me. Your name slipped out of his mouth and the crowd went silent. But before he could say any more, he quickly ended his speech. He got down the stage and left the room. Mother went up the stage and sang a song. You know the song, the one she would sing whenever we got sick. I know why she sang it, it was your favorite song. When my mother-in-law and my husband went up there, I knew they wanted to say your name. But I don't understand why they didn't. Why can't they just say your name?
When the speeches finished we went back to the dance floor. Halfway through the wedding, my husband told me I was a special gift. We went out back and saw our friend there. We had our little dance but things got complicated when he found out. You said I shouldn't mention what will happen after the wedding, but it slipped. And now they had to take him away in fear he'll hurt someone. But before they dragged him away, he didn't miss the chance to say that you would have been disappointed in me. But I knew you wouldn't because you already have done it.
We went back, but something caught my eyes. There was this big screen up on the stage and father was there. He asked if we could all take a seat, that he had something to saw us. Curiously we all took a seat and waited for him to start. He looked at me then looked ahead. It seems as though he's been crying.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I know the speeches are over. But there is someone who didn't get a chance to say her speech," my father said confusing us. However, Edward held my hand and I looked at him confused, but he was already staring ahead.
"I haven't seen this, so umm, if there is any bad language I do apologize in advance, it seems that she couldn't help herself," with that he turned around and pulled a remote control out his pocket, pressed a button, and quickly went to his seat.
The screen was black before lines popped up. They were moving and some sounds could be heard. A few seconds later, the wavy lines became solid lines and the sound became clearer. The screen went sideways and then, we heard it. We heard your voice coming out of the screen. I heard mother and the others gasped when your voice came out.
"Testing, testing. Does this crap even work?" you asked and some of us laughed. I turn to Jasper and he stared at the screen shocked.
"Hello. Damn it. You can't even see my face," you said before some beeping sound came on.
"Piece of sh-, oh, nevermind, it works" the view of your room came on. Then suddenly you came around the camera and sat in your bed. Just by seeing you there I began to cry. Oh, you look the same, so beautiful with your messy bun, wearing the glasses that you always hated. You had a white t-shirt with black sweatpants. At first, you stared at the camera and I heard my mother call out your name.
"Hello there. Can you see me? If so then hiya. My name is AnneMarie. How long has it been? Five years? Ten? Or has it been 165 years? Oh dear, I hope I still look this good while being about 200 years. If I don't then I'm coming for you Carlisle-" I turn to Carlisle who had a smile on his face.
"- because you look good for your age. Please do tell me your secret" Annie smiled and some of us laughed at her joke.
"Anyways, um, really how long? The only reason you'll be watching this because I am no longer with you. Something happened along the way that has prevented me from being here. So if then, I'm sorry to my family who had to bury me. Sorry for leaving so early in life. But know that I love you guys more than anything. And I wished I had more time with you," Annie wiped away a tear and I did the same.
"Let's get down to business, shall we? Alright is this someone's birthday? If so, happy birthday to you" she sang to us.
"But if it's our birthday" she stares at the camera with a frown.
"Bella, darling happy birthday to you. I wish I could have more years with you. I wish I was right there by your side, seeing you grow into a beautiful human being or you know, I won't say the name because certain people might be there and they might not know and yeah. Happy birthday, sister" Annie smile at the camera.
"If this is someone's wedding, let's say my father's. Well, then I want to congratulate the lady who married him. Please take good care of him, he's a good man with a gold heart. His a rare human being with a pure soul. Daddy, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. And if by chance your future wife has kids, then to my new brothers and sister, Welcome to the Swan family. Where your life will never be boring. I assure you if you ever meet Edward and his family. Get to know them because they won't disappoint, especial Emmett. Oh dear, please stay away from him. He loves, but I mean he loves to joke around and he might even pull pranks on you. So watch out-"
"Hey I'm not that bad," Emmett said with a laugh and the others laughed.
"- but anyways, welcome to the family *cough* Sue *cough*" I turn to Sue who was red from embarrassed. Seth looked at his mother with a smile. I turned back to the screen and Annie was smiling then slowly her smile fell.
"Talking about weddings, if by chance, and I do pray I'm not late. If this is Bella's wedding, then holy shit, I left too damn early" Annie wiped away a tear.
"Umm, to my future brother-in-law, and I mean Edward. But just in case something happens that my dear sister doesn't marry you which I know won't ever happen. But let just say it does. Then you motherfucker better treat her like a fucken Queen that she is. She is rare and she is beautiful. And I know daddy won't hesitate in hunting your ass to the end of the world. If you ever and I mean ever, treat Bella anything other than a queen. I know some dudes who are animals and will shred you into pieces. Sam, Jake if you're there then you know your job. Scare this motherfucker for me. Thanks," I laughed at her, she had a very serious face at the end.
"But let's just say Bella's future husband isn't a stranger but, umm-" she laughs.
"Umm, Jake. Let me say this and I mean no disrespect towards Jake but, HOLY SHIT, I did not see that coming. I mean, Jake YOU actually did it. You got the girl" she falls back on her bed laughing. She continues to laugh for a few more seconds before coming back up, wiping away her tears.
"Edward, if you're anywhere, perhaps hiding in the back, what the fuck? Why let the pup win?" I heard Edward laugh.
"I know that dogs are a man's best friend but that doesn't mean, you gotta let them get the girl" Annie laughs again.
"Alright, alright. Jake, dude congratulations, really. I am sure no one would have thought you actually got the girl but if you do then, you that's it. You got the girl" Annie laughs again.
"But treat her right and Sammy if you're there, make sure Jake treats her right. If not then please, scare that motherfucker for me" Annie said smiling.
"Alright, but if Edward marries Bella. Which is no shocker there, we all sorta expected it to happen. And if so, daddy you owe me ten dollars, I won the bet-"I turn to dad and he nods.
"Edward, my boy. Did you actually man up and asked my dad or did someone else help you?" I heard Emmett and the others laugh.
"But Edward, in my absence, take good care of Bella for me. You know how clumsy and troublesome she can be. So since I'm not there to joke around with her. Be her rock, be her supporter, be there for her. Even when things get dark, even when things are unknown, don't let go. Don't turn your back on her. You were always my favorite for her. Even though you may be annoying at time but you're perfect for Bella. I couldn't have asked for anyone better for her. Thank you, Edward, for being there for us. I hope you and Bella live a very, very and I mean very long and happy life together. And umm, can you take care of him for me?" I turn to Jasper and he was staring at the screen, not wanting to blink in fear she'll disappear.
"If this isn't a wedding, birthday or whatever, but um, my funeral tape. Then" she stops and wipes away her tears. She looks down and takes a deep breath before looking up again.
"Daddy, mommy, are you guys still here?" she asked.
"We're here baby," mother said.
"If so, then fuck, I'm sorry you had to bury me. I'm sorry for leaving you guys so early in life. I'm sorry," Annie continued to cry and I knew the others were crying.
"I want to thank you guys for loving us more than life itself. I want to thank you for always being there for us when we needed you, guys. I want to thank you guys for being the best parents in the world. And Phil, thank you for loving us even though we aren't yours. Thank you for being a father to us when we lived with you. I know dad is thankful for your help. And umm, Phil please take care of my mother for me." Annie went silent once again.
"Umm, to my friends, you guys ROCK! I'll miss you guys. To the pack, even though we spend little time together. You guys are animals... and I love you guys for that. You guys are amazing with all your moody swings and half-naked body" Annie laughs.
"And to the Cullens, oh my god. You guys are unique and beautiful. There aren't enough words I can say to describe you. But I want to thank you for letting us be a part of your family. Thank you for sharing your secret with us. Thank you for always being there for us. But most importantly, thank you for always saving our sorry asses. I know since the moment we meet you guys, we have caused nothing but trouble. And I want to thank you for always protecting us. Thank you, for everything. And Rosalie, thank you for trying to get along with Bella, it means a lot to me" I saw Rosalie nod.
"Umm, Jasper..." I turn to Jasper and I saw everyone else turn to him.
"I love you so much. I'm sorry for not being there with you, sorry we couldn't have our forever. Jasper, I love you. Just know that you are something I wouldn't ever regret. You are my best friend, my other half, the love of my life, and my soulmate. You're my reason why I continue to push forward. Even though you love you with all my heart, I want you to move on" I looked at Annie shocked that she'll say that.
"I want you to find someone to love as much as you loved me,"I turn to Jasper and he was shaking his head, disagreeing with her.
"Find someone, love her, please do this as my last and final wish" he continues to shake his head. Annie stopped talking and she looks over the camera. It seems like someone was coming up the stairs. Suddenly someone jumps on Annie's bed, making her laugh.
"What are you doing?" the voice asked. Immediately I felt angry fill inside of me. I knew the others were feeling the same.
"Well, what does it look like?" Annie asked him. He turns to the camera with a smirk.
"Porn," he said, Annie hit him in the face with a pillow.
"Dean you're disgusting," Annie said laughing. Dean takes the pillow from her and smile.
"What, a camera in your room and you're alone. What do you expect me to think?" he asked smirking and Annie rolls her eyes.
"You're a pig," she said getting up from the bed.
"But really what are you doing?" Dean asked staring at the camera.
"A video," she said and Dean's smirk dies down. He stares at the camera.
"Oh," was all he said.
"Yeah, well let me get my sweater from Bella's room and we'll go," Annie said walking around the camera. We heard her leave the room. Dean however still there, staring into the camera.
"Jasper. Bella. Forgive me. But she'll be back, I promise-" what does he mean? She'll be back?
"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" we hear Annie's voice.
"Oh nothing, just putting in my thoughts in your lovely video" Dean smirks at her. We see Annie sitting on the bed.
"Get out of here so I can finish," Annie said pushing Dean from the bed. Dean laughs but gets from the bed. He walks away and Annie stares out. When we heard the door closed, Annie sighs but then smiles.
"Whoever is watching this I hope you live your life to the fullest. Ladies and gentlemen, Cullens and the pack, I hope one day we see each other whether in this life or the next. I am AnneMarie Swan and this is my last goodbye" and with that, the screen stops with Annie's smiling at us.
I couldn't help but feel as though she knew she wasn't going to make it. I couldn't help but feel like she knew something that none of us did. In her final days with us, she was paranoid, always looking over her shoulders. As though if someone was going to come and take her. Did she know something we didn't? Did she know she was going to leave us? If she did or didn't, I hoped she's alright. Wherever she's at, I hope she's happy. I hope she safe. I miss her and I know one day we'll see each other again.
