CHAPTER 13 PAIN

BELLA

Bella was in a dark room. She couldn't see two feet in front of her.

"Edward!" she called.

No response.

"Jacob?" she tried again.

No response.

"Anyone?"

Nothing. She stood there trying to find some kind of light or hint of a way out. There was nothing but dark. She reached out her hand to feel for something but founf nothing. Then the voice started.

It were so low at first that Bella couldn't decipher it. Then it got louder. She thought it sounded like a slightly disttorted version of Jacob's.

"You're worthless. You don't deserve him."

"No!" Bella screamed and covered her ears but the voice was still there.

"Do you think he still wants you anyway? You're dirty and tainted now. Used goods." the voice continued as if it was inside her head.

"Edward loves me and he'll tak care of me no matter what!" she yelled at the voice.

"We'll see. And even if he does want you, are you willing to risk his safety just to be with him?" the voice continued.

"What do you mean?' Bella asked.

"You know." Bella could hear the smile in this voice.

"Jacob wouldn't dare touch him!" Bella screamed.

Suddenly there was light everywhere. Jacob was standing barely a foot in front of her. He had an evil smile twisting on his lips.

"Wouldn't I?" he said and stepped closer to her. "If he's the only thing standing in my way of you, I would."

He grabbed her wrists and brought his lips crashing down on hers with a bruising force. She struggled against him.

Distantly another voice came to her ears. A female one.

"Bella, wake up! It's Alice! It's just a dream!"

Bella focused on Alice's voice and felt herself being pulled from Jacob's grasp.

Bella snapped her eyes open. She was back in Edward's bed. Alice was sitting next to her stroking her hair. Tears were still falling from her face.

Remembering what Jacob had said, Bella sat up in the bed and looked frantically around the room. There was no sign of Edward. He first thought was "Oh my god, Jacob has him!" but a her rational side forced her to ask,

"Where's Edward?"

"He went out...hunting." Alice replied.

Bella had a feeling by the Alice's hesitation that it wasn't the whole truth. She didn't say anything because at least he wasn't with Jacob. That could still mean that he left her though. Alice must have saw the panic in her eyes because she added,

"Don't worry. He will be back. He asked me to call him when you woke up. But that can wait. Do you wanna talk about that dream you were having?"

"No, I'm fine it was just a dream." she answered and then thought, "Besides, you couldn't help if i told you. There's only one thing I can do."

"Okay, well let's go get you something to eat." Alice said. Bella was positive that Alice wanted to protest her answer but thought better of it.

When the two reached the kitchen, Esme offered to make her anything she wanted but Bella just settled for a pop tart. Not that Esme was a bad cook. In fact, for someone who rarely ever cooks, she was amazing. Bella just wasn't that hungry.

Bella sat at the dining room table eating while Alice went in the living room to call Edward. Bella didn't want him to back because of what she knew she had to do. She had to make Edward think that she didn't want him, even after what she did last night. She didn't deserve someone who would risk their life for her. She was worth enough to put him in danger.

Bella did know what Jacob was capable of and even if it was just a dream Jacob that threatened her, she didn't want to risk him hurting Edward. Edward meant way too much to her for him to make that sacrifice. Besides, she didn't deserve it at any rate.

Alice walked back in a minute later.

"He's on his way back." she said. "I hate to pry but I was kind of hoping maybe you could tell me what happened yesterday?"

Bella nodded. She didn't want to talk about it anymore but knew if anyone other than Carlisle had a right to know it was Alice. Alice had been there the through the whole Jacob disaster. She had helped Bella even after Bella broke Edward's heart. Alice was a true friend. One that Bella would do anything to keep. One that deserved to hear everything.

Alice and Bella walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Bella told the whole story all over again. She watched Alice carefully, trying to judge her reaction. Alice looked like she would burst into tears if she could. When Bella finished, she found herself nearly crying. It was a relief to be done with Jacob even if she couldn't stay where she wanted to be. Jacob was still on the loose and still a threat to the Cullens, especially Edward. Bella couldn't bear it if anything happened to him because of her.

Bella looked up to find one of the subjects of her thoughts standing in the doorway.

"Hey, how was your hunt?" Bella asked hoping she sounded casual.

Edward gave Alice a look that told Bella they were hiding something. As she watched Edward smile in reply to Alice silent words, she decided not to ask. Edward probably wouldn't tell her. Besides, she figured she already knew what he was trying to hunt.

"Just fine." Edward answered Bella's question. "Have you had anything to eat, yet?"

"Yes." Bella answered. She smiled to herself at the way he was taking care of her.

"Don't worry, Edward. Esme, Rosalie, and I took care of her." Alice stated.

"Why don't you go change your clothes." Edward said to Bella. "So we can go see Carlisle. Then I want to take you home because I know Charlie probably misses you."

Bella thought he sounded a little like a father talking to a five year old but she decided it was best to go with it.

"Yeah." she said as she stood up. "Besides, I hate to see what he's been eating this past week. Alice could you come with me. I don't think, Charlie will buy that I fell when he sees these." she indicated the bruises on her neck and wrists."

She didn't think she'd have the energy to do it either. Not after having to lie to Edward all day. That would take most of her energy. She felt a pang of sadness as she looked back to Edward then walked up the stairs with Alice next to her.

Bella had to admit, as annoying as Alice was about clothing, she was pretty smart. She decided halfway through the week to buy Bella a whole new wardrobe for the Cullen house. Just in case she had to stay with them again. Alice even gave her half the closet.

Bella looked through the clothes. She was surprised that Alice went with the simple instead of the flashy. She pulled out a pair of light blue jeans and a dark blue short sleeved shirt. She slipped on a pair of backless tennis shoes and put her hair in a low ponytail.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked as Bella sat on the chair in front of the mirror.

"I'm fine." Bella lied. She was anything but fine. Still, she couldn't say anything to Alice.

For once in her life Bella was glad that she hadn't officially decided what to do about Edward. That way Alice wouldn't see it before she did it. She could keep her best friend for a little longer.

"This whole thing has just been very emotionally and mentally draining." Bella elaborated.

"I can understand that. But if you ever want to talk, you know I'm here, right?" Alice asked.

Bella nodded. Alice finished covering the bruises in the relaxing silience that followed. Fifteen minutes later, the two friends headed downstairs.

"Ready?" Bella asked.

Edward insisted on driving. Which Bella didn't because she didn't know if she'd be abel to focus. The ride to the hospital was silent. Bella was deep in thought about everything, she stayed as far away from Edward as possible. She decided that distance was the best thing until she figured out how to handle it. She knew how bad she wanted to touch him, to have him hold her like he did last night.

Everytime she thought about that, Jacob's distorted voice would come back, telling her how she didn't deserve him. Reminding her that if Edward was the only thing standing in his way of Bella he'd...

She was glad when the pulled into the hospital to see Carlisle waiting for them. Bella was glad she didn't have to finish her thought.

AN HOUR LATER...

Carlisle stuck the x-ray pictures on the light board.

"As you can see there is no damge to the ribs at all." he told them.

"Are you sure?" Bella asked confused.

"Yes." Carlisle replied. "Why?"

"Well, I probably should've mentioned it last night but there was a lot in my head." Bella replied feeling stupid for not saying anything before. "But I could've sworn I felt and heard something crack or break."

Carlisle furrowed his brow for a minute. Bella noticed Edward trying to catch onto his thoughts but was unable to. After a minute Edward said,

"Bella, Ccan I have a word with Carlisle, please?"

Bella looked up at both men. She was confused but knew not to fight the issue with either and walked outside. As the door closed she strained to hear what they were saying. She cursed her stupid human hearing when all she could hear was indistinct muttering.

Ten minutes later, Carlisle stepped out of the door.

"Bella, I was wondering if, since you're already, I might take another look at how you recovering." he asked.

Bella nodded and he led her back into the room. Edward and Carlisle stepped outside so she could change into a hospital gown.

(A/N: I'm not positive how a check up would go so we are going to skip to when Carlisle gets finished.)

Ten mintues later, Carlisle toldher that she was healing nicely and he went outside so she could put her clothes back on. Once she was done she went to meet the boys in the hall.

"Are you ready to go home?" Edward asked. Bella nodded.

The ride back to Bella's house was just as quiet as the ride to the hospital. Once again, Bella stayed as far away as possible. There was an indescribable pain in her chest but she ignored it. She would go through that pain if it kept Jacob from going after Edward.

"Do you want me to stay until Charlie comes home?" Edward asked as the pulled in front of Bella's house.

"No, I'll be okay." Bella answered. She had to force herself to sound cold. She wanted to give him the idea that she didn't want him. She hoped he'd get it so she wouldn't have to say it. The truth was though that she wanted him to stay and hold her forever.

"Alright." he said reluctantly.

He took the keys out of the ignition and handed them to her. They both got out.

"Thanks for everything." she told him. She tried to make it sound like a permenant goodbye and not an I'll see you later.

"Anytime." he replied. She headed toward the door and he ran to the forest.

She slammed the door shut then sunk to the floor and sobbed. She didn't know how long she sat on the floor but after she calmed she went to the kitchen. She had to make things seem normal for Charlie. Plus, she really did feel guilty for leaving him on his own for a week. She wondered vaguely what he had to eat all week.

Bella searched the fridge for something simple, yet, decent. She decided on spaghetti. All she had to do was boilt the noodles and heat up the sauce. Just as she was about to put it on the table, Charlie was in the doorway.

"Who is this stranger in my house?" he asked.

"Haha." Bella replied as Charlie sat at the table and began serving himself. "I'm sorry, dad."

"Don't be." he said. "You're almost nineteen and you're out of high school. You should be having fun with your friends. I'm just glad you call."

"Thanks, dad." she said.

She didn't have the heart to tell him that she wasn't having fun. He didn't need to worry about her. She could handle this so if he wanted to believe she was having fun with Alice, that was fine with her.

After dinner, she told Charlie that she was really tired and went straight to bed. She had a hard time sleeping that night. Everytime she fell asleep she'd see Jacob's face with that evil smile or else she saw Edward telling her he didn't want her anymore

THE NEXT DAY...

Bella decided to spend the day cleaning the whole house. It was enough to distract her from her thoughts and fears about Edward. She thought it was a little weird that he didn't call or come over at all that day. Maybe, he had taken her hint. Once again she felt that indescribable pain in her chest as she choked back a sob.

Her hopes that Edward had taken the hint were squashed at seven o'clock when her phone rang. She looked at the screen to see Edward's name flashing. She took a deep breath and flipped it open.

"Hello." she said.

"Hi Bella." Edward said. He sounded very upset about something. "Carlisle was wondering ifyou could come on over right now? He needs to discuss something with the family."

"Sure." Bella answered her voice shaking a little.

"Okay, see you in a bit." Edward said and the phone clicked.

She shut her own and grabbed her keys. She wondered vaguely what Carlisle could possibly need to talk to her and the family about as she drove to the Cullen house.

The family was assembled in the dining room when she arrived. Alice and Jasper were sitting on one side of the table. Jasper had his arm around Alice's shoulder and she had her head on his shoulder. Emmett and Rosalie stood in their corner. Rosalie was standing in front of Emmett and he had his arms around her waist. Carlisle was at the head of the table with Esme behind him. She had both her hands on his shoulders. Edward was sitting opposite Jasper. Bella took a seat next to Edward.

She had to force herself to pull away when Edward tried to put his arm around her. She wished she could let him but there were just so many reason why it was wrong. So everytime her tried to touch her after that she would pull away. She felt that pain in her chest again and had to remind herself why she was doing this.

"I want you all to know that this isn't really a meeting for the whole family. I mostly needed to talk to Bella about something but I know she's going to need our support afterwards. I also figure this way, she won't have to talk about it, if she isn't ready." Carlisle explained.

Bella was confused. What would be so bad that Carlisle would think she needed the support of the whole family? Or not want to talk about it later. She long for a comforting squeeze from Edward and had to force herself not to take his hand.

"Bella," Carlisle continued. "I didn't say anything before because I didn't want to stress you out but you were healing from the rape faster than normal. And when I checked you yesterday, you didn't show any lingering signs of being raped."

"I don't understand." Bella shook her head. How could she be completely healed? Hadn't Carlisle told her that day in the hospital that she was pretty messed up?

"When you said you thought that he had broke a couple ribs, it was a major possibility." Carlisle continued.

This made Bella even more confused. If they were broken or cracked why didn't she feel it? Why didn't it show in the x-ray?

"What are you saying?" she asked.

"I'm saying that I need to do a pregnancy test on you in a couple weeks." Carlisle said.

Bella stared at him for a moment in confusion. What did her healing have to do with being pregnant? She thought for a second then it all came rushing to her. The rape, her healing, Jacob being a werewolf.

She was pregnant with Jacob's baby. But could the child use his powers on Bella? Her hand flutter to her stomach adn she asked,

"Is that even possible?"

"I talked to Sam last night just to be sure. He said that it's not something that happens often but if the baby is strong enough it is. And looking at Jacob's ancestry, I said it is possible. You and the baby, if there is one, are connected and for the nine months he or she is in there, you will have their powers." Carlisle explained. "Now, I'm not saying you'll phase or anything but if you're hurt, you will heal. You may have a problem controling your anger as well."

Bella just shook her head. She thought about everything. What would she do? Who would help her? She couldn't ask any of the Cullens. That would piss Jacob off. Maybe enough to hutr one of them or take the baby from her. She couldn't do this. Not on her own but she had no one.

"I can't. I can't." she said. She fought the break down that was coming.

She felt Edward wrap his arms around her. She didn't have the energy to push him away, instead she turned into his chest and sobbed.

"Edward," She heard Carlisle say. "Take her home. She needs to let it sink in. Bella," Bella lifted her head to look at Carlisle "Tomorrow, we'll discuss the options, okay."

Bella nodded. Edward helped her walk to her truck. She was still clinging to him sobbing hard. She kept her face buried in his shoulder and cried all the way to her house. When the pulled up, he turned off the car and held her until she calmed.

"Do you want me to meet you upstairs?" he asked.

She just nodded into his shirt. Edward released her and she got out of the truck. When she walked inside she told Charlie that she was just going to go to bed. He said goodnight. Bella was thankful he didn't really look at her. She didn't want him to ask why she looked like such a mess.

When she opened her door she found Edward sitting in the rocking chair. He had his arms spread open so she could curl into them. It was then that she realized how much she missed him being there. She walked over and curled up into his arms. He held her tight to his cool body.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" he asked.

Bella didn't have to think about it. She knew what she was going to do the minute Carlisle told her.

"I'm going to keep him. He's as much mine as he is Jacob's so I can't give him up. And it's not his fault so I won't kill him." Bella replied. "I just don't know what I'm gonna tell Charlie."

"Wait a few weeks and tell him the baby's mine." Edward suggested.

Jacob's voice was screaming in her ear again. Reminding her that she was worthless and undeserving. It also whispered the warning of Jacob going after him. She needed to push Edward away from the idea fast but gently.

"I can't ask that of you." she replied.

"You're not. I'm volunteering." he replied.

Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he just listen to her and let it go? Just walk away while she could still be kind about it.

"No." she said.

"Why not?" She could hear the heartbreak in his voice.

"Because it's just too much." Bella said. "There's so many reason why you can't. Mostly because I don't think I can be with you again."

Okay, so as much as that hurt, it wasn't a lie. There were many reason why he couldn't. Mostly, the thought of Jacob's reaction to knowing that Edward Cullen was helping her raise his child. Then there was also the fact that this was her fault and she didn't deserve to be able to have someone help bail her out of it.

"What do you mean?" he asked. There was no mistaking how much he was hurting at the moment.

"I just can't okay. Can't we leave it at that."

Tears were pouring down her face as she said the words. She hoped he just percieved them as tears of guilt not pain. She pulled herself off of him.

"I don't believe you." he said standing up and looking her in the face.

"Damn it Bella!" She yelled in her head. "Learn to lie better!"

"Look, Edward. Don't make this any harder on yourself. Just go, please." she said out loud.

"Bella, please." He reached out to her but she pulled back.

"Go."

There it was again, that pain in her chest. She just wanted it to go away.

Edward gave her one last hurt look before jumping out of the window. She sat on the bed and let the tears pour. She wanted him to back to her so bad. She wanted him to embrace her and tell her everything would be okay. She knew that couldn't happen.

She knew that she deserved someone better than Jacob but she could never deserve someone as good as Edward. Not someone who would die to keep her safe or help her raise her child. She curled up into a ball on the bed and cried herself into an uneasy sleep.

A/N: That's it for this chapter. I hope you guys understand why Bella pulled away. Not only if she afraid for Edward's safety but Jacob still has her convinced that she doesn't deserve like Edward has for her. I know it's only subconciously but it's still there. I wonder who could save her from her thoughts? Any guesses? Free hugs for your reviews.