Interestingly enough, no one barred Dorian's way as he headed for the Inquisitor's quarters. He'd need his pack if he was to be traveling out with the Inquisitor's party and that was where he had left it, so he supposed it made sense. He'd need his staff as well, if that hadn't been confiscated yet. It wouldn't surprise him at all if they expected him to face Venatori unarmed. Not that he was helpless without it, but it was the thought that counts.

He was so distracted that it wasn't until he'd grasped the handle to Elden's room that he froze, remembering what he would be facing by entering. He tried not to remember, but he was fighting a losing battle. This was where it had happened, where he had hurt Elden, betraying him, even against his own will, and nearly killing him. He stood there for a long moment, his knuckles turning white he was gripping the handle so tightly. He kept seeing Elden's face, so surprised and in pain, and yet still trying to understand, when-

Dorian shook his head irritably. He couldn't dwell on that now, it was pointless. He had things he needed to do if Elden was to be saved and he needed to remain in the present to do it. He shoved his way into the room so violently that the door banged against the wall. Dorian tried not to wince as he took the stairs two at a time. He hadn't meant to, he'd intended to keep his eyes up and on his destination, but of course he found them wandering to that place on the floor where Elden had fallen.

He came to a sudden stop, staring at the bare floor where a rug had once lay. He should have been thankful, he'd half expected to find a circle of blood staining the place, but somehow seeing the bare floor felt worse. Empty, like a piece taken away permanently, leaving a hole in the world he had once known. Of course he found himself looking too closely until he saw the stains on the wood near the wall where he himself had stood, his hand dripping. Would that always be there? A grisly reminder of all that had happened?

Dorian ripped his eyes away, telling himself it didn't matter and trying to ignore the heavy pit of grief and guilt in his stomach. He'd probably never see it again anyway. How could Elden ever wish for him to return here after everything? That is, if they both even survived this. Dorian was certain that if the Inquisitor died, his life would be forfeit as well, but he wouldn't let it come to that. Dorian would rather die than see Elden fall again.

He stormed forward, keeping his eyes from wandering as he quickly grabbed his equipment and headed to the library to sort and pack. A bottle was sounding better and better, it was a shame there wasn't time. He was so distracted that he nearly ran into Varric in the great hall.

"There you are, I was wondering if you'd left yet," Varric said with a hesitant smile.

"I'm sure everyone in Skyhold knows exactly where to find me at any given moment at this point," Dorian said, shifting uncomfortably. "I do owe you an apology however. How I responded to you last was uncalled for. You were attempting to voice your support and I wouldn't hear it."

"Nah, don't worry about it," Varric said dismissively. "I suppose it wouldn't really be helpful to ask how you're holding up."

"Oh I'm quite well, can't you tell?"

"Apparently I won't be coming along on this trip," Varric said, ignoring his sarcasm. "Just do me a favor and watch out for yourself as well as the Inquisitor. You both better come back in one piece."

"Yes, well," Dorian said, "as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I'm fairly certain it isn't my health you should be concerned with. I'll do what I can for the Inquisitor, however. Now, if you'll excuse me, I rather think I should be going."

Varric looked as if he wished to say more, but Dorian brushed past him quickly. He didn't want to talk anymore. As much as he appreciated the sentiment, it was Elden their focus should be on. And Dorian wasn't sure he could stomach the sympathy right now with the guilt still churning in his gut.


It felt like more disapproving eyes were on Dorian than usual. Of course, it was entirely possible that that was just his imagination. After all, they were keeping what had happened to Elden a secret to avoid panic, so all the people lined up to see the Inquisitor and his party off couldn't possibly know what Dorian had done. He refused to act as though anything was different so he held his head up high as they rode out. The only thing that could give them away was the distance he kept between himself and Elden. Well, and there was also the suspiciously close eye Cassandra was keeping on him.

Vivienne, Blackwall, and the Iron Bull were also riding with them. To be honest, the entire inner circle would have accompanied them if they could, but their team needed to be small and mobile. Only the bare minimum on this little adventure. With any luck, they'd be able to overtake the Venatori without them noticing. If they'd even stuck around, that is.

Dorian couldn't help the sick fear in his stomach that they had long since moved on. He couldn't stop himself from stealing a concerned glance in Elden's direction at the thought. Thanks to the healers and Vivienne's potions he looked just as vital as usual, but Dorian knew him well enough that he could see the subtle way he'd flinch occasionally. Riding a horse was probably better than walking, but really he should be lying down and moving as little as possible.

Once they were out of sight of the inhabitants of Skyhold, they slowed their pace. Elden was looking more visibly strained the longer they rode, but never once complained. Thankfully, the horses allowed them to cut quite a bit of time off of their journey. Still, it wasn't long until Vivienne called for a halt. Elden tried to object, knowing it was due to him that they were taking things so slowly, but of course no one would hear it.

Elden looked a tad restless as he dismounted and went to stand at the edge of the path, looking out at the mountains. His movements were stiff, and it was obvious that he was attempting to ignore any pain, as if he could will it away. Dorian couldn't help but smile fondly as he watched him. Of course he wished he would go easier on himself, but this was who Elden was and, honestly, it just reminded Dorian why he respected him so much; how he had grown to care so deeply. Still, seeing Elden in pain had him wishing he could shoulder all that weight himself. If he could do anything to lighten his mood at the very least, he would.

"The journey has only begun, I'm afraid we still have quite a bit of distance to go," Dorian said, smiling as he approached. "At least try to take things slow to start."

Dorian reached out and placed a hand on Elden's arm. Before either of them could say anything more, however, Elden flinched at the contact and Dorian backed off quickly, startled. But then he felt so foolish. Did he really think everything between them had simply gone back to normal? That he had any right to even try to get close to the Inquisitor after he had almost killed him? It was true that Elden had repeatedly reached out to him, told him they would be fine, but Elden always pushed himself past his breaking point. Dorian should have kept his distance. Who knows if any of this would truly go back to normal. Elden's eyes went wide, however, and he looked absolutely horrified.

"No," Elden said, reaching out to take his hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Nonsense," Dorian interrupted, trying to brush his concerns aside lightly, stepping back out of his reach. He didn't want Elden to look so upset but he never wanted to risk further harm. "Understandable reaction, could have happened to anyone. Honestly, I'm rather glad you've-"

"What?" Elden interrupted. "Have my guard up? Around you of all people?"

"Well, I did try to kill you." He was painfully aware of Blackwall watching them closely. Probably had his hand on the hilt of his sword, too, but Dorian couldn't tell from this angle.

"No you didn't," Elden snapped, taking Dorian completely by surprise. Elden was so very rarely angry. He sighed, as if to calm himself before he continued. "It wasn't you and I can't- If I can't trust you, who am I supposed to trust? I don't want to live like that. And I definitely don't want to push you away. Please"

Dorian corrupted everything he touched. One only had to look at his life, the burned bridges and those left dead in his wake. Elden knew, but of course he didn't care. Here he was, reaching out to Dorian even after everything that had happened. Elden had almost died, could still die, but he would still risk it all over again, but Dorian couldn't. He couldn't see him hurt again. No matter how desperate Elden looked, how heartbroken and upset, Dorian would rather the Inquisitor end up hating him than see Elden injured again. Or killed.

"Let's move out," Bull called to the small party and Dorian never thought he'd feel so relieved to hear his voice.

"Dorian," Elden pleaded, his hand still extended. All Dorian could do was give him an apologetic smile before he turned to go.