In the moments before Cas' lips touch his, as his eyes fall shut, time stretches out infinitely for Dean.
Is this really happening? Am I asleep? Shit, what if I'm dreaming? I mean, I must be, because Cas doesn't want me. Why would he want a teenager with admittedly more than one daddy issue who can't take care of himself and doesn't-
His train of thought is thoroughly derailed by the tender way Cas captures his mouth. The older man's lips move slowly, carefully on Dean's as he stands. He tries to keep his own movements just as measured and thoughtful.
When he's on his feet, he feels Cas place hesitant hands on his hips. They seem huge there, cradling him close. His body seems to radiate heat and Dean finds himself moving closer to it, letting the soothing warmth soak into him.
He slowly puts his own hands on Cas' chest, telegraphing his movements clearly before he makes contact. The absolute last thing he wants to do is scare Cas off. If this is a one-time, adrenaline-fueled thing for the older man, that's fine (it's not it's not it's not), but Dean wants to savor every moment. That means he really needs Cas to not freak out and bolt.
One of Cas' hands comes up to gently cup the side of Dean's face. His palm scrapes against Dean's stubble and his fingers lovingly wrap around the back of his head. The care in the gesture, though simple enough, makes the breath stutter in his chest.
Which makes Cas pause. To Dean's dismay, he pulls away after a beat. He doesn't go far, just enough to pull their mouths apart. He presses their foreheads together.
"Dean, I…" He swallows and those crystalline blue eyes open to look into Dean's own. When he speaks again, Dean can feel Cas' breath against his lips.
"I need you to be sure that you want this, little one," the older man rumbles. "You must be honest with me. I need to know you actually want this, and that you're not here out of some… Misplaced feeling of obligation."
Dean blinks and thinks carefully about his reply (for once in your damn life).
Everything Cas just said, in true Cas fashion, is really fucking up a lot of Dean's beliefs. Dean doesn't get to want things. Wanting things implies that everything he needs has been taken care of, which means that everything that Sam needs has been taken care of. Since Sam is thirteen, growing like a weed, smart as a whip, and must be protected against their father, that… Doesn't really happen.
Cas' words also seem to imply that Cas, himself, wants this. Not in payment for all of his kindness, maybe not even just as a one-time thing, which is blowing Dean's mind. What the hell would Cas just… Want Dean for? Cas is gorgeous, thoughtful, smart, and rich as hell. He could have anyone he wants, but here he is instead, his thumbs rubbing distracting circles into Dean's hips.
Also in true Cas fashion, he reads Dean's mind.
"Little one," he says, voice strained, "I ask because I want you. More than just this one time, and I want you, not payment, recompense, or anything as temporary or fleeting as that. I want you, for as long as you'll let me have you."
Ah, shit. Dean has no idea what the fuck he's supposed to do. His eyes slip closed in frustration with himself.
"There's no right answer here, little one," Cas soothes.
Dean's eyes snap open, and he speaks before he thinks as he glares into Cas' blue gaze. "Stop reading my goddamn mind!"
He feels Cas' eyebrows go up against his own forehead, then the older man starts to chuckle.
"I apologize. I find myself… Exceptionally attuned to you. Your train of thought is not difficult for me to follow."
Dean swallows hard and frowns. Honesty about his emotions really isn't one of his strong suits. As in all things, however, he would rather die than let Cas down, so he's gonna do his damnedest.
He swallows again, gathering his courage. "Then," and Jesus fuck does he hate the way his voice breaks. "Then how can you not see how much I want you?" Goddammit, he sounds all watery and upset like a girl.
That does have the effect of Cas wrapping his arms around Dean's waist and pulling him close, though, engulfing him in heat and solid flesh. Dean immediately winds his arms around Cas' neck. Their foreheads are still pressed together.
"Dean," Cas says softly, urgently, "I'm sorry, but I need you to tell me out loud. As well as I know you, I have to have this before we go any further."
"Why?" Dean can hear the petulance in his own voice and he hates it, but this would be so much easier if Cas would just get on with it.
He realizes that his eyes have fallen shut in frustration again when Cas threads a firm hand through the hair of the back of Dean's neck and they open again. His breath catches when he sees Cas' blue eyes burning so close to his own.
"I need you to give me your verbal consent with full knowledge that it's because you want me, and not because you fear for your or your brother's safety, because I want there to be no doubt. I want you to have no doubts whatsoever that you are mine, and no one else's." His voice is low and rough, moving down through Dean's body, making his cock twitch and making him feel broken open and used already. "When I have you flushed and begging for me, there will be no doubts. When you're crying out, writhing in the sheets, covering both of us in sweat and come, there will be no doubt. When you have to cover up marks on your neck to go work a job, there will be no doubt."
Cas' fierceness softens a bit, and Dean is way too enthralled to do anything but listen to his whiskey voice.
"And I want you to have no doubts that I want everything. I don't just want to fuck you, little one. I want to hold your hand, I want to take you to dinner, I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I want to hear about your likes and dislikes, your fears and your hopes, everything. I want to fall asleep and wake up next to you. I want to count your freckles and find the constellations in them. I want you to have no doubts, little one, when you give me everything, that I will cherish it all, and you along with it." Cas' own voice is a little wobbly now. "So I'm sorry, darling. I know that it will be difficult for you to voice your desires out loud, but for us to move forward, you must. If you do not want to enter a relationship with me, I will understand completely, and you will encounter no repercussions. You need not say anything, if this is the case. We can walk away, go to our separate beds, and pretend this never happened."
As Cas goes on about consent and consequences, Dean is reeling. He wants me. This wonderful man who has done so much for Dean and his little brother, he wants him. And not just for sex, but to have.
Dean has never been able to be even a little bit selfish. Sam has, from the time he was a baby, gotten all of anything Dean has had to offer. Food, clothes, books, movies, money, Dean has always and without fail put Sam first.
He wonders what it would be like for someone to do the same for him.
He realizes in a detached sort of way that there are tears in his eyes. He wants to close them, to hide the way he's feeling, but he doesn't have to now. He knows Cas won't judge him, and the older man is in a similar state, anyway.
"Cas," he croaks, drowning in blue.
"Yes, little one?"
He struggles with himself for a few long moments. Cas stays silent, lets him work it out on his own.
Finally, more of a sigh than a declaration. "Yes."
Cas lets out a shuddery exhale and his grip on Dean tightens, but Dean's not done.
"I want you," his voice is raw and sincere, more so than he's ever heard. "I want it all. Jesus, Cas, I've always wanted it all. The fucking and the dates and the sleeping, yes, I want everyth-"
He's cut off by the press of Cas' mouth to his own. He gasps against it, his fingers tightening on Cas' shirt, then he moans and kisses back with everything he has.
Cas kisses Dean like he's the center of his universe. His mouth is like goddamn magic, and when he licks along Dean's bottom lip, it's nothing to open for him. Cas can have anything, because Dean knows that Cas will give back twofold what he takes.
Cas' exploration of his mouth is thorough, patient, and absolutely maddening. He demands participation, drawing Dean's tongue into his own mouth, and they move in perfect sync. Before he can get a hold of himself, Dean's panting and whining and rocking forward against Cas. When he feels the evidence of Cas' arousal against his own, even through two pairs of slacks, he whimpers and presses harder.
Cas pulls away, but only goes far enough to press his lips to Dean's ear. "We should go back to my bedroom."
"Or here," Dean pants. "Here's good, too."
Cas chuckles darkly. "Oh, no, little one. I intend to take my time with you. I want to take you apart and put you back together, and for that, I require a bed."
Dean's certain that his knees don't actually give out, because that would be ridiculous. He just… Feels like clinging harder to Cas, pressed up against his strong chest and wrapped in his arms. He will, however, own up to the desperate whine in the back of his throat as he presses frantic kisses to the bolt of Cas' jaw.
"Okay, okay, your room. Let's go."
Another deep chuckle. "Eager, little one?"
Completely fed up, Dean tilts his head so he can whisper back in Cas' ear. "Since you've been looking at me like you want to bed me over and fuck me senseless since we met, I pretty much consider us all foreplayed out, don't you?"
He feels pretty good about that, especially with the way Cas growls a little and tightens his hands where they're holding Dean. He starts to maneuver them out of the shared apartment.
When they get to the hallway, Cas is basically dragging him by the grip he has on their twined fingers, which, when did that happen? They get to Cas' door, and as the older man digs into his pants pocket, Dean uses the opportunity to plaster himself to Cas' side, shamelessly rutting against him.
Cas fumbles in his movements and Dean grins. He keeps one hand on Cas' waist and moves the other to his front to cup his erection. He can feel Cas' cock through the thin slacks they wore to tonight's job. It's hard and thick, and when he thinks of it inside him, he shudders and whines again.
"Come on, Cas, need you, please, I-"
While he was being needy, apparently, Cas' control was wearing thin. Dean finds himself pulled around and pushed up against the door. Cas is a long, firm line of heat at his back, holding him there.
Cas nips the back of his neck harshly and Dean squirms. "Patience is a virtue, little one," he chides.
Any response Dean was hoping for is gone when Cas takes his hips in hand and uses the hold to keep Dean still as he grinds against his ass. Just the feeling of it, a tease of what he really wants, has Dean moaning and dropping his head forward. He rolls back into Cas' thrusts, shifting his legs further apart.
"Fuck," Cas groans. "You're so perfect."
The praise makes something in Dean warm up in delight. His urgency is growing by the second.
"Please," he begs. "Please, Cas, I can't take it."
He feels Cas smirk against his shoulder. "Please what, now?"
It takes Dean a moment to figure out what Cas wants. When he does, he feels another flash of heat and want wash through him, making it hard to think.
"Sir," he whispers. "Please, sir, fuck me."
Cas groans, grinding hard into Dean one more time before pressing his entire front against Dean's back. Dean watches, panting in the circle of his arms, as Cas finally pulls his keys out and gets the door unlocked. Once it's open, Cas doesn't actually shove him into the room, but it's damn close.
Dean would like to say that he remembers exactly how they got here. That he can recall, with perfect detail, the two of them undressing, maybe savoring every inch exposed. How they got to Cas' bedroom and fell neatly, gracefully into bed together.
That, however, would be a lie.
He can vaguely remember tearing his clothes off and stumbling into the bedroom in front of Cas. He remembers Cas' words of both apology ("I'm sorry, little one, I don't mean to rush,") and promise ("I will make it up to you,") as they both finally get to the bedroom.
Regardless of how they got here, they're finally here. Dean feels like he's been waiting his whole life to be on all fours on Cas' king-sized bed, with the man himself softly pressing kisses across his shoulder blades and down his spine.
"So lovely," Cas is saying into his skin. "You're beautiful."
"Cas," he whines.
"Shh, I told you that I wanted to take my time, and I will."
Dean groans and shudders at the way Cas' breath is fanning over his skin.
"Now, little one. I have a question, and I expect you to answer me truthfully."
Dean has no idea what Cas thinks he'd lie about right now, but he agrees anyway, if a little breathlessly.
There's a gentle hand on the back of his thigh. Another kiss is placed on the small of his back, just above his ass.
"Have you ever had relations with a man?"
Dean blinks, then snorts. "Cas, no one calls it 'having relations.'"
A swat to his ass makes him squeak. "Very well," Cas says, dark amusement in his tone. "Let me ask you another way."
Dean finds himself enfolded in heat as Cas comes up and slots himself against Dean's back. His cock nestles between Dean's cheeks, making him whine with want.
His breath is hot against Dean's ear. "Has this beautiful ass ever been fucked before, Dean?" He punctuates the question with a gentle rock, pressing his cock against Dean's hole. Though it's dry, it's perfect and it draws a moan from Dean's throat.
Once the fog of lust clears from his mind a bit, he realizes what Cas means when he says he wants a truthful answer. He can see how maybe he'd lie about that kinda thing, how maybe he'd want to hide behind his pride to keep his virginity to himself.
But this is Cas. Dean trusts Cas more than he trusts almost anybody, except maybe Sam and Bobby. Okay, maybe it's not the best time to be thinking of his brother and his surrogate father, but the point is that Dean doesn't feel the need to hide anything from Cas.
"No," he whispers. "You'll be the first, sir."
Cas growls a little and Dean feels it everywhere, from where it's just next to his ear to the way it rumbles in Cas' chest, pressed up tight to his back.
"Hmm, good," there's thick satisfaction in Cas' voice. "However, that does mean we'll need to take it slow."
"Cas."
"Dean," Cas says, voice gentle and teasing. He lays kisses down Dean's neck, making his way back down his back slowly. "I am not willing to hurt you, little one, not more than is necessary."
Dean knows a little bit about gay sex, sure, but he is a virgin. "Is it… Is it gonna hurt? A lot?" he despises how small and unsure his voice sounds.
Cas' big hands gently skate down his sides and his legs, soothing Dean's insecurities and fears before they even really have a chance to form. "Shh, darling, I will do everything I can to make it as pleasurable as possible for you, but I won't lie. It will be uncomfortable at first."
Dean nods, steeling himself. "Okay," he whispers. "I trust you."
The smile Cas presses into the small of his back feels wide and warm. "I shall do my utmost to make myself worthy of it."
Dean rolls his eyes at the flowery language as Cas continues to kiss along his spine. He loses himself in the way Cas touches him, like he's precious, like he's adored and cherished. It's intoxicating, so it's understandable that it's not until he feels Cas' hands spreading him open that he realizes what Cas' intent is.
By the time he does realize it, Cas' warm, wet tongue is licking across his hole.
"H-holy shit, Cas!"
The older man just hums in acknowledgement, and Dean can feel the vibrations all the way down to his fingers. He lets his head hang as he whines and struggles not to rock back onto Cas' face.
To which Cas responds by eating Dean out like it's the last thing he'll ever do.
It's completely overwhelming in the best way. The little kitten licks Cas places along his rim and the long, broad strokes from perineum to hole. The way Cas will work the tip of his tongue in, driving Dean insane. There's the way Cas' stubble is leaving a wonderful burn in its wake, marking up his ass and thighs. The warm puffs of breath Cas is leaving on Dean's spit-slick skin. The way his hands are both holding Dean open and kneading the thick muscles of his ass.
He completely loses himself in the pleasure Cas is giving him. Hot sparks are shooting from where Cas has his mouth on him up his spine, searing him and making it harder and harder not to push back.
He's barely aware of the snick of a cap opening, but he definitely notices when Cas presses a finger in alongside his tongue. It easily sinks all the way in, and Dean moans and arches back into it. He can feel sweat break out on his back, but he doesn't care, totally enraptured by the feeling of finally having Cas inside him.
Cas pumps his finger in and out, and Dean is grateful for the opportunity to adjust. Cas keeps up with his tongue, even leaving gentle nips to the hypersensitive skin stretched around his finger, further relaxing Dean into the feeling of intrusion.
The second finger comes with the feeling of being stretched that's only uncomfortable until Cas sucks lightly on his rim around his fingers, which makes Dean cry out and buck his hips. The third finger burns, but it's kinda in a good way. Dean bites his lips and rocks back into it, breathing harshly around the pleasure/pain as Cas continues to pump his fingers in and out.
"You're doing so well, darling," Cas coos, his voice soft and warm with adoration. "Look at you, all flushed and stretched around me, moving with me because you need it. Do you need it, little one? Do you need to be filled up?"
As he asks the question, Cas slowly slips a fourth finger in. His hand must be covered in lube because Dean can feel the stuff starting to drip down his thighs. His dick is throbbing, precome running down his shaft.
Jesus.
Dean opens his mouth to answer the question, more than ready to be done with prep, when Cas crooks his fingers and hits that bundle of nerves that whites out Dean's vision, making him cry out and arch his back.
"Good," Cas hums, not letting up on Dean's prostate. He's thrusting his fingers in and out, stretching Dean and hitting that spot every time. "So good for me, little one."
Dean can feel Cas everywhere. In the way his ass stretches to accommodate the older man, in the way Cas' words skitter along Dean's flesh and make it feel tingly and too tight. And, of course, the jolts of overwhelming pleasure from each jab at his prostate.
It's all too much. It's building in him too fast, his belly tightening and his thighs starting to tremble.
"Cas," he gasps. "Cas, oh, shit, I'm gonna, fuck, fuck, fuck-"
"Yes," Cas growls, crowding up behind him again. "Yes, come for me, little one. Come for me right now, Dean."
Dean's entire world collapses in on him as he comes, untouched and screaming. Pleasure and heat almost send him into unconsciousness with intensity. Only Cas' hands, one stroking Dean's side and the other still four fingers deep, keep him even remotely aware as Cas works him through the aftershocks.
Dean floats on a wave of endorphins and bliss for an unknowable amount of time. He's vaguely aware of Cas murmuring and rearranging him, but he trusts Cas to take care of him. He just coasts.
When he eventually comes back, it's to Cas' whispered words.
"-so beautiful, little one. You're amazing, magnificent, lovely. I'm so proud of you, you've done so well. We're done for tonight, you can rest. I'm so proud-"
Wait, what? "Wait, what?"
Cas blinks when Dean looks up at him where he's hovering over him. Dean realizes that he's on his back with Cas settled between his legs. Automatically, he brings them up to bracket Cas' hips.
"What do you mean we're done?" he demands, fighting back the floaty post-orgasm feelings.
Cas' face softens. "Dean, this was your first time. You were extraordinary, but we should move slowly."
"The hell we should! What was all that prep for, then?" Now that he mentions it, his ass feels unpleasantly empty.
"You're already going to be sore tomorrow. I may, in fact, have gone overboard, and I don't want-"
Unfortunately for Cas and all of his rational arguments, there are several things working against him.
Dean has wanted Cas for almost a full year now.
Dean is seventeen, and his impulse control is nothing.
Dean has never really had anything purely for himself, and he's already kind of addicted.
Working against him most of all, however, is that when he shifts again to argue down at Dean, the head of his still very erect cock presses against Dean's still very lubed and open hole.
Both men gasp at the contact. Dean immediately cants his hips to press up harder, and he grins at the way Cas shudders at the contact.
"C'mon, Cas," Dean murmurs, keeping his voice low and even. "Fill me up, sir, want you so bad. Please, please, please-"
He's cut off by Cas' soft groan. He frowns when the older man sits back on his heels. It clears off of his face immediately when he realizes Cas is just reaching for the condom he already has out.
He watches hungrily as the Cas rolls the condom onto his leaking length. He pours more lube on (even though Dean's ass still feels pretty damn wet to him), then spreads it around by jacking himself slowly. He finally meets Dean's eyes again, and there's a heat there that makes him shiver and spread his legs wider.
"Impudent," Cas chides, though the censure in his tone is belied by the gentle way he puts a pillow just under Dean's ass, putting him at the perfect angle. It's only natural to wrap his legs around Cas' waist, pulling him close.
"I just need you, Cas," Dean says with a smirk, and it's kind of a tease, but it's mostly just true.
Cas must know that, can see it on his face, because he covers Dean's body with his own, putting him close enough to kiss Dean deeply, reassuringly. "I know you do, little one," he murmurs. "I've got you."
Dean finds himself nuzzling Cas' jaw, and is almost ashamed of his overly affectionate behavior before it hits him again that this is Cas.
"Please, sir," he whispers.
Cas doesn't respond verbally, but shifts so that he can hold the base of his cock so he can start to press into Dean.
Dean's exceedingly glad that he already came so that he can just feel the way Cas is splitting him open, impaling him on his length. There's a twinge of pain, more like discomfort, but it's completely overshadowed by the wonderful, intense, overwhelming feeling of Castiel.
He whimpers and wraps his arms around Cas' neck, burying his face in his shoulder. "Cas."
Cas shushes him, pressing little kisses to his neck and jaw as he sinks in slowly. He moves so, so slowly, and Dean knows it's to give him time to adjust. Even though prep was thorough, this is the real deal, and it's hard to take in that after a year of pining and dreaming and feeling hopeless, Dean is here.
It's forever before he feels Cas bottom out. Cas' hips are pressed flush with his ass, and he's so incredibly full. Full of Cas, full of awe. He thinks he might be whimpering into Cas' shoulder, but he's too focused on the sensations coursing through his body to check.
Cas stays precisely where he is, peppering kisses to Dean's neck and shoulder and murmuring praise. Eventually, Dean adjusts to the intrusion, and he's grateful for Cas' patience.
He moves so he's whispering into Cas' ear when he speaks. "You can move now." He punctuates his words by squeezing his inner muscles, and Cas makes a sound like he might be dying.
"Impossible," he grits out, but he does pull out slowly.
"You like it," Dean says breathlessly, letting his eyes fall shut to savor the drag of Cas against his inner walls.
"Desperately," Cas admits easily, and then starts to fuck him.
It starts gentle, easy, a bit stilted while Cas tries to find a rhythm that satisfies both his need to make sure Dean enjoys this (already did) and his apparently growing need to really just fuck the hell out of him. Dean murmurs filthy encouragements, rolling his hips up to meet Cas thrust for thrust. He's not surprised at all to feel himself growing hard again, especially when Cas starts nailing his prostate with every other thrust, making him cry out and see stars.
He can tell that Cas is getting close. The slap of skin on skin is loud and echoing through the room, and the heat between them is almost unbearable. He's covered in sweat, and there's a bead of it trickling down Cas' neck in a way that's entirely too enticing. His legs fall from around the older man's waist, leaving Dean even more spread open and vulnerable for him.
"Gonna come for me, Cas?" Dean asks, smirking as much as possible while getting railed by the love of his life. "Wanna mark me up, make me yours?"
A wild, frantic light is burning in Cas' eyes, and Dean wants more of it. "You already are," Cas says, smug and accurate as hell.
"Come on, sir," Dean purrs, smiling for real as he watches Cas bite back a growl with a clenched jaw. "Want you to come inside, make me feel it for days."
Cas is really pounding into him, both hands on Dean's hips so hard there will be faint bruises there tomorrow. It's getting hard to breathe, and Dean realizes with a faint sort of amazement that he's about to come again.
Cas drops down, almost without warning, to land with his elbows on either side of Dean's head. The sudden change in proximity makes his heart thud hard in his chest, and the change in angle makes him moan long and loud, especially since Cas shows no signs of stopping.
He presses his lips to Dean's ear, and the way his breathing is so labored is driving Dean crazy.
"I want you to touch yourself, little one," Cas says, all authority and desperation rolled into one. "I want you to come for me again, can you do that for me?"
Dean's out of sass now, he's just nodding and already working one hand between them to wrap around his almost too-sensitive dick. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he chants, squeezing himself at the tip in a way that makes his eyes roll back in his head a little.
A particularly vicious thrust. "What was that?"
Bastard. "Yes! Yes, I can come!" Jesus, he's so fucking close, he's about to blow.
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good boy," Cas says, voice thick with satisfaction again, just before he leans down and bites down hard on the junction between Dean's shoulder and neck, which pushes Dean right over the edge.
He's pretty sure he actually screams the second time he comes. He can feel himself painting their chests white, and one rope lands almost all the way up on his collarbone. He feels weightless, unaware of where he ends and Cas begins.
He manages to come back a little when Cas shudders hard above him, his teeth still latched onto Dean. That's gonna leave a mark, he thinks giddily.
He lets himself drift for a while, too wrung out to do much else. He knows he should be helping with the cleanup, especially since he's somehow both on top of and underneath two separate wet spots at this point. Instead, indulgently, he lets Cas wipe him down and maneuver him until they're both under the covers with a clean comforter on top.
He doesn't even try to pretend to fight it when Cas pulls him close. He finds the energy to cuddle into Cas' chest, nuzzling the soft, warm skin there. When Cas chuckles, Dean can feel it beneath his cheek.
A soft kiss to the top of his head. "Sleep, little one. We'll talk more in the morning."
"Yes, sir," he murmurs before obeying.
- *squintier eyes* This chapter was so fucking difficult. Please tell me if you like it, so the work will be worth it. *sobs* Please, please God, tell me it was worth it.
