A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter! Your words of kindness are so appreciated. One more chapter after this one- hope to get it up sometime before the end of the week.
xxx
Jane steered clear of Lisbon's office the rest of that day. At least, while she was in it. She thought this demonstrated unusually wise judgment, for Jane. But she later discovered he hadn't steered clear completely, because when she opened her desk drawer to grab her keys at the end of the day, a paper frog jumped out at her. She might have thought this was an apology, except for one thing. The frog was folded from a pale pink sheet of paper almost the exact shade of the infamous undergarment in question. She flushed and slammed the drawer closed.
She drove home, puzzling over Jane's inexplicable behavior. What the hell was he thinking? He had to have been able to predict her reaction. Was he just deliberately trying to piss her off? Was this some kind of joke? She clenched her jaw and glared at the road. Bastard.
But why this? Why now? Eight years of platonic friendship and then bam! Suddenly Jane was interested in her underwear? True, Red John was out of the picture now, but that had happened four months ago. If Jane was interested in pursuing something more than friendship, why the hell hadn't he just asked? Or at least tricked her into going on a date or something.
He had to be messing with her. That was it. He was bored and wanted to rile her up for his own amusement, and he knew this would be a sure fire way to get the job done.
But then—what was that bit about the green and red bras? Like he'd been making a study of what she wore under her clothes. She tried to remember the last time she'd worn the red one, which now had a hole in it. A study that had apparently been going on for quite some time.
She flushed again, remembering Jane's pointed look down the front of her blouse. Had he been sneaking peeks this whole time? Annoyingly, she found herself more flattered than annoyed by this thought. She was a professional, dammit, she chastised herself. A male colleague looking down her blouse was disrespectful and unacceptable under all circumstances. Even if it was Jane, the Adonis of the CBI. Okay, so, admittedly, she had entertained an impure thought or two about the man over the years. She thought about the pull of his trousers over his round little butt when he was running away from an angry suspect. The soft parting of his lips when he slept on his couch in the bullpen.
She shook herself out of the thought. That wasn't the point. The point was, what Jane had said was inappropriate.
Of course, Jane was always inappropriate. But this was inappropriate in a new and different way.
There was no point in obsessing about this, she decided. Who knew why Jane did anything? Guessing at his motives was like jumping headfirst into a swirling vortex of doom. Terrifying and unlikely to yield any result other than the loss of one's sanity.
She thought of his bare ring finger and the look in his eye when he'd looked down her shirt earlier and resisted the urge to bang her head on the steering wheel.
Xxx
She barricaded herself in her office early the next day, hoping to avoid Jane as long as possible, but he thwarted her efforts by strolling in at eight am, carrying a cup of tea and a mug of coffee for her.
"So," he said as he set the coffee down in front of her. He sat down opposite her at the desk, the picture of ease and relaxation. He raised an eyebrow. "Have you considered my offer?"
Lisbon stared straight ahead at a spot above Jane's left shoulder. "No. We're not talking about that."
"No?" he said, amused. "I must be mistaken. I was sure that's what we were doing."
"Well, you were wrong. We're not talking about it."
"Hm. That's too bad," Jane said regretfully. "I was starting to really look forward to that seminar. Pity I won't be attending after all."
"I'm sure everyone will be saddened to hear you can't make it," Lisbon said, giving up and taking a sip of the coffee he'd brought for her. "I decided I'm going to tell Hightower and the governor's people that you're violently ill that day. So you can enjoy your day at the park."
"It's not like you to give up so easily," Jane observed. "Is this some kind of trick?"
"No trick," Lisbon said, taking another sip of her coffee. "I just decided dealing with you wasn't worth the hassle. I'll figure out another way to get the funding for Van Pelt's training."
She watched him over the top of her coffee cup and was pleased to see a flicker of dismay pass over his face. Whatever his game was, he hadn't expected her to withdraw from the field entirely. Now he was disappointed that she refused to engage. She smiled to herself and celebrated this small victory with a particularly satisfying sip of the excellent coffee Jane had brought her.
Jane watched her, calculating his next move. "You know, I was thinking about what you said," he said finally.
She raised an eyebrow. "About what?"
"You were right. I really ought to keep my mind more open about this sort of structured learning opportunity."
He never changed his mind about things like this. He must have come up with an even more nefarious plot. Her eyes narrowed. "Jane…"
"Maybe I should come to the seminar after all," he said idly. "You said the governor's people will be there? I can introduce myself and thank them properly for all their hard work."
She groaned. "Jane, no."
"What?" he said with perfect innocence. "Inter-agency cooperation, Lisbon. Isn't that something you management types love to see in action?"
"I know what you're thinking," she said darkly.
He grinned. "What am I thinking?"
"You're thinking that if I won't give in and bargain with you, you can blackmail me into getting your way by threatening to come to the seminar and wreak havoc."
"That's true," he agreed. "I am thinking that. But I know your pride won't allow you to give in to blackmail immediately. You feel you need to make a token effort of resistance before you inevitably cave in for the sake of that precious 'inter-agency cooperation.' So I will temporarily withdraw from the field and let you ponder your options."
She scowled. "You don't at all feel bad for resorting to blackmail over a completely inappropriate request?"
"Nope," he said cheerfully. He grinned again. "Especially not when the results are so enticing."
Lisbon turned red. "Now what I'm pondering is whether to throw the stapler at you."
He got to his feet hastily. "That's my cue to leave. Enjoy your non-stapler related pondering!" he called as he hastened to the door.
When the door closed behind him, the pink paper frog jumped out at her from behind her computer monitor.
Xxx
Time drained away at an alarming pace over the course of the next few days, and Lisbon still hadn't figured out what to do. Talking about this whole thing with Jane was impossible. Hightower dropped by daily, inquiring about her 'progress' on her little homework assignment. Jane managed to get himself underfoot even more than usual in the intervals immediately preceding and immediately following these visits. Then Bertram called, putting his two cents in on the matter. Which was that he'd heard Hightower had asked Lisbon to handle this and she was confident she would deliver, but he, Bertram, had his doubts, and he expected her to employ any means necessary to make the seminar go smoothly. "We can't afford to piss off these people, Lisbon," he said darkly. "They have the governor's ear. Any kind of disruption or turmoil would cast a negative light on the CBI and could have drastic implications for the budget." Lisbon, intimately familiar with Bertram's constant preoccupation with the budget, gritted her teeth and bore the lecture. Meanwhile, pink paper frogs assailed her from all quarters—from inside the cupboard where she kept her favorite coffee mug, from atop her filing cabinet, from desk drawers. Jane didn't say anything explicitly. He just kept up the bit with the frogs, quiet but relentless. It was an effective strategy. It drove Lisbon to distraction. But his really diabolical move came at the end of the day on Monday, the night before the seminar.
Van Pelt came into her office, beaming. "Boss, I just heard the news!"
Lisbon looked at her blankly. "News?"
"Jane said you got the funding for the white hat training!" Van Pelt gushed. She came around the desk and pulled her startled boss into a hug. "Thank you. I'm going to learn so much. It's going to be so useful to the team, you'll see."
Lisbon reluctantly returned the hug. "There's no doubt in my mind about that." That bastard, she thought viciously as she patted Van Pelt awkwardly on the back. This was low, even for him. How could she tell Van Pelt now that she hadn't gotten the funding after all? He'd know she couldn't bear to disappoint Van Pelt when she was so excited about the whole endeavor.
Jane strolled in a few minutes after Van Pelt left. "Boy, she's in a good mood," he remarked pleasantly. "Nice to see her so happy."
Lisbon glared at him. "Sit down."
"Yes, ma'am." He took a seat on the couch and crossed one leg negligently over the other.
She leaned against the desk, arms folded across her chest. "You've made your point. Now let's talk terms."
Jane feigned ignorance. "Terms?"
"For the seminar tomorrow."
"Oh, that," Jane said, waving this off as though it were of little interest. "You know my terms." He raised an eyebrow. "Are you ready to seal the deal?"
"Come on, Jane, you know that request was completely inappropriate. It's off the table. There's got to be something else you want," Lisbon said, exasperated. At the light in his eye, she hastily clarified, "Something that in a normal working environment wouldn't get you sued for sexual harassment."
"Nope. I haven't changed my mind. I stand by my original request."
"You said we could negotiate," Lisbon reminded him. "Here's my counter offer: you come to the seminar tomorrow, and I won't tell Rigsby what you said about his karaoke singing after that night at O'Shea's last month."
"That's a terrible counter offer," Jane said. "First of all, it in no way holds equal value to my original demand. Secondly, it's an empty threat. If you were going to tell Rigsby, you would have done it already. And thirdly, you wouldn't tell him anyway, because you don't want to hurt his feelings."
She changed tacks. "Fine, I'll let you drive me in that hunk of blue junk of yours to our next five crime scenes without complaining."
"Ah, you underestimate the charm of your complaining, dear Lisbon," Jane said. "It enriches the experience."
"I'll make you tea for a month," Lisbon said desperately.
He cocked his head to the side. "Now that's an intriguing offer. I think I would enjoy watching you get irritated at me should such a thing come to pass…on the other hand, I'd have to endure your substandard tea for a month, and I'm not completely sure the entertainment value would be worth the tradeoff."
Lisbon scrambled to think of something else Jane might be willing to trade for. "Okay, how about—"
He cut her off. "You're wasting your time. The option to bargain was a limited time offer and the offer expired. Now it's all or nothing."
"What?" she said, outraged. "You can't do that!"
"Of course I can. Now, have you reconsidered? I thought of a really good prank to play on the governor's monitoring people just in case you haven't."
A prank, by Jane's definition of the word, could signify any number of legally actionable offenses, ranging from libel to assault and anything in between. "Jane, why are you doing this?" she said, frustrated. "This is so…not you." Well, the general horse's assery part was. The specific nature of his demand, not so much.
His expression flickered. "Isn't it obvious?" he said, tilting his head as though in genuine consternation.
"No," she said, thoroughly aggravated.
"It is obvious," Jane insisted. "You're just refusing to see what's right in front of you."
Her cell phone buzzed on her desk. She glanced over at it and grimaced. Bertram again. She hit the button to silence it. She'd deal with him later.
What's right in front of you. Lisbon had a moment of blinding clarity. That was it. She had the solution. It was so simple and obvious. How could she not have seen it before?
"Fine," she said stiffly, hoping he wouldn't read her current line of thought. "Since you insist on being so damn childish about this, I guess you leave me with no choice. I'll wear the damn—" she faltered. "I'll wear the thing," she finished lamely. She straightened her spine and glared at him again. "You will come to the seminar. You will be on time. You will behave. You will not do anything that makes me want to strangle you to death. Is that clear?"
"Perfectly."
Lisbon released a breath. "All right. Then we have a deal."
Jane gave her a look that could melt steel. "I'll look forward to it."
She left for the evening, flushed by the look in his eyes but exultant at her new plan, and more importantly, the opportunity to get one up on Jane for once.
When she got home, she found the pink paper frog in her pocket.
